1. Who the winny-binny boy?
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2. You the winny-winny-binny-binny boy!
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3. Don't cry.
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4. Don't cry.
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5. Why is he still crying?
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6. Don't worry. Nothing can't be solved by happy keys.
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7. yeah, I was feel much better when someone shaked Jacks medal in my face.
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8. Let me hold him for a sec.
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9. Here we go.
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10. There we are.
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11. Maybe it's me.
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12. Don't be silly. Ben loves you.
He's just being Mr. Cranky Pants.
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13. You know, I once dated
a Miss Cranky Pants.
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14. Lovely girl. Kind of moody.
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15. There we go, all better.
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16. There's my little boy.
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17. Can I see something?
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18. Cool!
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19. He hates me.
My nephew hates me!
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20. I'm unemployed, and my nephew hates me!
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21. Stop, don't do this. You are just unemployed.
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22. What if my own baby hates me?
What do I do then?
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23. Monica, stop! This is nuts.
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24. Do you know how long it'll be
before you have to deal with this problem?
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25. You don't even have a boyfriend yet.
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26. Joey, she does not look fat.
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27. The One With the Baby on the Bus
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28. Here you go.
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29. Goo, goo, goo!
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30. That is so funny!
Let me see that a sec.
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31. You okay?
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32. I don't know.
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33. What's in this pie?
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34. I don't know. Butter and eggs
and flour and lime and kiwi
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35. Kiwi? Kiwi?
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36. You said it was a key lime pie.
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37. No, I didn't. I said kiwi lime.
That's what makes it so special.
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38. That's what's gonna kill me.
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39. I'm allergic to kiwi.
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40. No, you're not. You're allergic
to lobster and peanuts and
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41. Oh, my God!
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42. It's definitely getting worse.
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43. Is your tongue swelling up?
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44. Either that or my mouth
is getting smaller!
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45. Get your coat.
We're going to the hospital.
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46. - Will he be okay?
- He's gotta get a shot.
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47. You know, actually,
it's getting better. It is.
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48. Let's not go.
Anyone up for Scrabble?
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49. Jacket, now!
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50. What about Ben? We can't
bring a baby to the hospital.
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51. We'll watch him.
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52. I don't think so.
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53. I have seven Catholic sisters.
I've taken care of hundreds of kids.
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54. Come on, we want to do it.
Don't we?
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55. I was gonna play basketball...
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56. but I guess that's out the window.
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57. If you take him out for a walk,
remember to bring his hat.
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58. There's milk in the refrigerator
and diapers in the bag.
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59. Hat, milk...
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60. Got it!
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61. Consider it done!
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62. You understood?
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63. My uncle Sal has a really big tongue.
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64. Is he the one
with the beautiful wife?
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65. You want to hear the song
I'm singing this afternoon?
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66. I wrote it this morning in the shower.
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67. I'm in the shower
And I'm writing a song
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68. Stop me if you've heard it
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69. My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
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70. And Tegrin spelled backward is nirget
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71. Rachel, sweetheart,
could I see you for a minute?
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72. What's up?
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73. I've decided to pay a professional
musician to play here on Sundays.
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74. Her name is Stephanie something.
She's supposed to be very good.
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75. But what about Phoebe?
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76. It's not that your friend is bad.
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77. It's that she's so bad...
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78. she makes me want to put my finger
through my eye into my brain...
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79. and swirl it around.
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80. Okay, so you're not a fan.
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81. But, I mean, come on.
You cannot do this to her.
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82. I have to do this to her?
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83. Lather, rinse, repeat
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84. And lather, rinse, repeat
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85. And lather, rinse, repeat
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86. As needed
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87. We didn't bring enough stuff.
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88. Did you forget to pack
the baby's anvil?
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89. I'm telling you, it'll be worth it.
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90. It's a known fact
that women love babies.
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91. Women love guys who love babies.
It's the sensitive thing.
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92. Aim him at that pack of babes.
Maybe one of them will break away.
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93. Wait, forget them.
We got one. Hard left.
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94. - Give me the baby.
- No, I got him.
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95. Come on, seriously.
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96. Oh, seriously, you want him?
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97. Who is this little cutie-pie?
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98. Well, don't think me immodest, but...
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99. me.
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100. Want to smell him?
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101. I assume we're talking about the baby?
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102. He's got that great baby smell.
Get a whiff of his head.
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103. My uterus just skipped a beat.
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104. What'd I tell you?
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105. It's great you're doing this.
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106. Well, we are great guys.
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107. My brother and his boyfriend
have been trying to adopt.
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108. What agency did you two go through?
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109. But this is my gig.
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110. This is where I play.
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111. My name is written out there in chalk.
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112. You know, you can't just erase chalk.
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113. Honey, I'm sorry.
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114. And he's going to
be paying this woman?
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115. Why doesn't he just give her
a throne and a crown?
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116. And, like, a gold stick
with a ball on top?
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117. Terry is a jerk! That's why
we always say, "Terry's a jerk!"
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118. That's where that came from.
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119. You probably did everything you could.
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120. You know what? Let me just
see what else I could do.
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121. Just let her go on after
Stephanie whatever her name is.
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122. You won't be here.
You don't pay her.
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123. I don't know.
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124. I'll clean the cappuccino machine!
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125. You don't clean
the cappuccino machine?
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126. Of course I clean it.
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127. I mean, I will clean it.
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128. I mean, I will clean it.
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129. All right, fine, fine, fine!
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130. - Done.
- Really?
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131. Who's working for you, babe?
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132. Oh, my God! This is so exciting!
How much am I gonna get?
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133. What?
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134. He's paying the people
who were playing.
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135. I meant, he's paying that other woman
because she's a professional.
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136. I'm not gonna be the only one
who's not getting paid.
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137. I'm sorry, no!
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138. No, I'm not some sloppy second,
you know, charity band.
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139. There are thousands of places
in this city...
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140. where people would pay
to hear me play.
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141. When I play, I play for me
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142. I don't need your charity
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143. Thank you!
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144. I'm not getting a shot.
Maybe they can take the needle...
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145. and squirt it into my mouth.
Like a squirt gun.
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146. Hello there. I'm Dr. Carlin.
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147. I see someone's having
a little allergic reaction.
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148. Doctor, can I see you
for just a moment?
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149. My brother has
a slight phobia about needles.
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150. Did you tell him
about my squirt gun idea?
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151. My brother, the Ph.D.,
would like to know...
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152. if there's any way
to treat this orally?
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153. Under these circumstances, it has to be
an injection, and it has to be now.
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154. So?
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155. Go and have a seat. The doctor
says it's got to be a needle.
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156. You're just going to have to be brave.
Can you do that for me?
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157. Oh, boy! You are doing so good.
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158. You want to squeeze my hand?
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159. Ross, don't squeeze it so hard.
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160. Honey, really.
Don't squeeze it so hard!
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161. Let go of my hand!
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162. Good plan. Next time
we want to pick up women...
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163. we should go to
the park and make out.
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164. Taxi! Taxi!
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165. Look at that talent.
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166. Just practicing. You're good.
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167. Carry on.
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168. Wait, wait, wait!
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169. Hey, you. He's just adorable.
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170. Can you tell him that?
Because he thinks he looks too pink.
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171. - What are you guys out doing today?
- We're not out.
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172. We're two heterosexual guys
hanging with the son...
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173. of our other heterosexual friend,
doing the usual straight-guy stuff.
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174. You done?
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175. There's our stop.
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176. Get out of here!
This is our stop.
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177. You guys live around here too?
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178. We live in the building
by the sidewalk.
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179. You know it?
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180. Since we're neighbors, what do you say
we get together for a drink?
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181. So you want to go to Markel's?
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182. Sure, they love us over there.
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183. Where's your baby?
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184. Ben! Ben!
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185. That's good. Maybe he'll
hear you and pull the cord!
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186. Stop the bus!
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187. Are you sure he didn't break it?
It's really hurt.
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188. No, it's just a good bone bruise.
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189. And right here is
the puncture wound from your ring.
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190. - I'm really sorry.
- It's okay.
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191. Sorry.
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192. Sorry! I got my S's back!
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193. Which we can celebrate later.
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194. Celebrate. Celebrate...
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195. He was a double, double
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196. Double-jointed boy
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197. So are you the
professional guitar player?
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198. Yeah, I'm Stephanie.
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199. Right. My name was on there,
but now it just says carrot cake.
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200. So how many chords do you know?
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201. - All of them.
- So you know D?
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202. Do you know A-minor?
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203. Do you know how to go
from D to A-minor?
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204. So does your guitar have a strap?
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205. Mine does.
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206. Stephanie knows all the chords
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207. Come on! Pick up, pick up!
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208. Transit Authority?
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209. I'm doing research for a book.
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210. I was wondering what somebody might do
if they left a baby on a city bus.
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211. Yes, I realize that would be
a stupid character.
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212. Here's the deal:
We lost a car seat on a bus.
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213. It's white plastic and
it fits onto a stroller.
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214. And there was a baby in it.
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215. He wants to talk to you.
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216. Everybody, let's give a warm
Central Perk welcome to
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217. Terry's a jerk
And he won't let me work
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218. And I hate Central Perk
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219. To Stephanie Schiffer!
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220. I'd like to start with a song I wrote
for the first man I ever loved.
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221. Zachary
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222. Are all invited to bite me
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223. We're the guys that called
about the baby! Is he here?
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224. He's here.
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225. I assume one of you is the father.
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226. - That's me.
- I'm him.
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227. Actually, we're both the father.
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228. Oh, Ben! Hey, buddy.
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229. Please tell me you know
which one is our baby.
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230. That one has ducks on his T-shirt
and this one has clowns.
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231. And Ben was definitely wearing ducks.
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232. Or clowns.
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233. That one's Ben! Remember he had
that cute little mole by his mouth!
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234. Hey, Ben! Remember us?
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235. Okay, the mole came off.
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236. What are we gonna do?
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237. We'll flip for it.
Ducks or clowns.
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238. - Flip for the baby?
- You got a better idea?
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239. All right, call it in the air.
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240. Heads.
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241. Heads, it is.
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242. We have to assign heads to something!
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243. Right!
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244. Ducks is heads
because ducks have heads.
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245. What kind of scary-ass clowns
came to your birthday?
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246. Just call me angel
Of the morning, angel
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247. Just touch my cheek
Before you leave me, baby
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248. Just call me angel
Of the morning, angel
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249. Then slowly turn away
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250. I won't beg you to stay
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251. With me
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252. Here. I thought you might be cold.
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253. Thank you.
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254. Look at you!
You did pretty well.
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255. $8. 27.
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256. But not really, because
I put in the first two.
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257. Just to get the ball rolling
and to make myself feel better.
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258. Do you?
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259. You know, this whole playing
for money thing is so not good for me.
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260. I don't know, when l
sang "Su-su-suicide"...
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261. I got, like, $ 1. 75.
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262. But then "Smelly Cat"?
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263. I got 25 cents and a condom.
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264. So, you know, now I just feel
really bad for "Smelly Cat."
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265. Honey, I don't think
everybody gets "Smelly Cat."
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266. I mean, if all you've ever actually
had are healthy pets, then whoosh!
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267. But it's not even that, you know?
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268. I used to do my songs
because it made me happy.
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269. Now it's just all
about the money, you know?
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270. Well, people missed you in there.
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271. In fact, there was actually
a request for "Smelly Cat."
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272. Really? From who?
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273. Well, me.
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274. And I know it's not your big
money song, but it's my favorite.
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275. Did I accidentally drop
a condom in your case?
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276. It's kind of an emergency.
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277. - Here you go.
- Thanks a lot.
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278. Hey, Christine! I got it!
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279. I want to thank you
for being there for me.
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280. And I'm sorry
I almost broke your hand.
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281. That's okay.
I'm sorry I poisoned you.
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282. Remember the time I jammed
that pencil into your hand?
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283. Remember it? What do
you think this is, a freckle?
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284. What about the time I hit you
in the face with Sylvian's pumpkin?
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285. Remember when I stuck
that broom in your spokes...
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286. and you hit your head on the curb?
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287. But I remember
people telling me about it.
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288. I hope Ben has a little sister.
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289. And I hope she can kick his ass.
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290. I'm gonna get a new Band-Aid.
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291. How about the time I cut
the legs off your Malibu Ken?
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292. That was you?
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293. They were infected.
He wouldn't have made it.
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294. My little nephew.
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295. Come here, little one!
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296. There's my little baby, Ben!
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297. Hey, he's not crying!
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298. Hey, he's not crying!
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299. There's still pie!
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300. I'm here. I'm here.
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301. How's my little boy?
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302. You want Daddy to change
your diaper? I know, I know.
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303. Did you have fun with Uncle Joey
and Uncle Chandler today?
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304. He rode the bus today.
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305. Big boy riding the bus
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306. Hey, I have a question.
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307. How come it says,
"Property of Human Services"?
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308. You are gonna love this.
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309. Can you hold Ben for a sec?
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310. Come here. Come here.
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311. Stay back! I've got kiwi!
Run, Joey, run!
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312. Smelly cat, smelly cat
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313. What are they feeding you?
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314. No, no. I'm sorry, it's:
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315. Smelly cat, smelly cat
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316. Smelly cat, smelly cat
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317. Better!
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318. Much better. Good.
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319. Don't feel bad,
because it's a hard song.
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320. - You want to try it again?
- From the top?
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321. There is no "top," all right?
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322. That's the beauty of "Smelly Cat."
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323. Why don't you just follow me.
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324. Smelly cat, smelly cat
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325. What are they feeding you?
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326. Smelly cat, smelly cat
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327. It's not your fault
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328. That's too much. Sorry.
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