1. Mom, would you relax?Copy !req
2. That was 10 blocks from here,
and any women won't walking alone at night.Copy !req
3. I would never do that.Copy !req
4. Mom, come on, stop worrying.Copy !req
5. This is a safe street. This is
a safe building. There's nothingCopy !req
6. Oh, my God! What are
you doing in here?Copy !req
7. Mom, I gotta go! IT gotta go!Copy !req
8. Oh, my God!Copy !req
9. That's fine, you just read the paper.Copy !req
10. I'm gonna get a pot.Copy !req
11. It's not for you.Copy !req
12. Okay, that's fine.Copy !req
13. Read the Family Circus...Copy !req
14. enjoy the gentle comedy...Copy !req
15. Oh, my God, my God, my God, my God...Copy !req
16. It's open, you guys.Copy !req
17. Can I help you?Copy !req
18. Does Phoebe still live here?Copy !req
19. No, she doesn't. But I can get
a message to her.Copy !req
20. Great. Just tell her
her husband stopped by.Copy !req
21. Her what?Copy !req
22. How did you do that?Copy !req
23. The One With Phoebe's HusbandCopy !req
24. This is unbelievable, Pheebs.
How can you be married?Copy !req
25. I'm not "married"
married, you know?Copy !req
26. He's just a friend, and he's gay...Copy !req
27. and he was from Canada,
and he needed a Green Card.Copy !req
28. I can't believe you married Duncan!Copy !req
29. How could you not tell me?
We told each other everything.Copy !req
30. I'm sorry, but I knew if I told you,
you'd get judgmental...Copy !req
31. and wouldn't approve.Copy !req
32. Of course I wouldn't approve!Copy !req
33. You were totally in love
with this guy who, hello, was gay.Copy !req
34. What the hell were you thinking?Copy !req
35. See? And you thought
she'd be judgmental.Copy !req
36. I wasn't in love with him.
I was helping out a friend.Copy !req
37. When he left town, you
stayed in your pajamas for a month.Copy !req
38. And I saw you eat a cheeseburger.Copy !req
39. Well, didn't you?Copy !req
40. I might have.Copy !req
41. I can't believe you didn't tell me.Copy !req
42. Like you tell me everything?Copy !req
43. What have I not told you?Copy !req
44. I don't know.Copy !req
45. The fact that the underwear out
on the telephone pole is yours...Copy !req
46. from when you had sex
with Bobby on the terrace!Copy !req
47. What?Copy !req
48. Wait a minute! Who told you?Copy !req
49. You are dead meat.Copy !req
50. I didn't know it was a big secret.Copy !req
51. Oh, it's not big. Not at all.Copy !req
52. IKind of the same as, say...Copy !req
53. I don't know, having
a third nipple!Copy !req
54. You have a third nipple?Copy !req
55. You bitch!Copy !req
56. Whip it out! Whip it out!Copy !req
57. There's nothing to see! It's a
tiny bump. It's totally useless.Copy !req
58. As opposed to your other
multi-functional nipples?Copy !req
59. I can't believe you!
You told me it was a nubbin.Copy !req
60. Joey, what did you think
a nubbin was?Copy !req
61. You see something, you hear a word,
I thought that's what it was.Copy !req
62. - Let me see it again!
- Yes, show us your nubbin!Copy !req
63. Joey was in a porno movie!Copy !req
64. If I'm going down,
I'm taking everybody with me!Copy !req
65. - Oh, my God!
- You were in a porno?Copy !req
66. I was young and I just wanted a job.Copy !req
67. But I couldn't go through with it.Copy !req
68. They let me be the guy who fixes
the copier but can't...Copy !req
69. because there's people
having sex on it.Copy !req
70. That is wild!Copy !req
71. - What's it shaped like?
- Is it hairy?Copy !req
72. What happens if you flick it?Copy !req
73. So does it do anything,
you know, special?Copy !req
74. Pressing my third nipple
opens the delivery entrance...Copy !req
75. to the magical land of Narnia.Copy !req
76. In some cultures, having a third nipple
is actually a sign of virility.Copy !req
77. You get the best huts,
and women dance naked around you.Copy !req
78. Are any of these cultures,
per chance, in the Tri-State area?Copy !req
79. You know, you are so amazing.
Is there anything you don't know?Copy !req
80. Julie's so smart!
Julie's so special!Copy !req
81. I wanted you to hook up
with Ross as much as you did.Copy !req
82. But he's with her now.
You'll have to get over it.Copy !req
83. Oh, I'm going to have to get over it.Copy !req
84. I didn't know that's what I had to do.
I just have to get over it.Copy !req
85. - Sassy lady!
- Where are you going?Copy !req
86. I'm meeting Duncan.
He's skating tonight at the Garden.Copy !req
87. He's in the Capades.Copy !req
88. - The lce Capades?
- No, the Gravel Capades.Copy !req
89. The turns aren't as fast,
but when Snoopy falls? Funny.Copy !req
90. I can't believe
you'd dress up for him.Copy !req
91. You're setting yourself up
all over again.Copy !req
92. Okay, no.Copy !req
93. For your information, I'm seeing him
so I can put those feelings behind me.Copy !req
94. The reason I'm dressed like this
is because I think it's nice...Copy !req
95. to look nice for your gay husband.Copy !req
96. Darn it, we're all out of milk.Copy !req
97. Chandler, will you fill me up here?Copy !req
98. I see, I see. Because of
the third-nipple thing.Copy !req
99. Okay, sweetie, I'll see you later.Copy !req
100. - See you later, Rach.
- Bye-bye, Julie.Copy !req
101. Come on, cut it out!Copy !req
102. - Can I ask you something?
- Sure.Copy !req
103. What?Copy !req
104. Come on, talk to me.Copy !req
105. What's the longest you've been
in a relationship before...Copy !req
106. having the sex?Copy !req
107. Why? Who's not?
Are you and Julie not?Copy !req
108. Are you and Julie not having sex?Copy !req
109. Technically?Copy !req
110. No.Copy !req
111. Is it because she's so cold in bed?Copy !req
112. Or because she's kind of bossy,
makes it feel like school?Copy !req
113. No! She's great. And it's not
like we haven't done anything.Copy !req
114. We do plenty of other stuff.
Lots of other stuff likeCopy !req
115. No! Don't need to know the details.Copy !req
116. No, it's just...Copy !req
117. It's me.Copy !req
118. I've only been with
one woman my whole life...Copy !req
119. and she turned out to be a lesbian.Copy !req
120. So now I've got myself
all psyched out.Copy !req
121. It's become, like, this...Copy !req
122. this thing!Copy !req
123. You must just think I'm weird.Copy !req
124. No, I don't think it's weird.Copy !req
125. I think, in fact...Copy !req
126. - In fact, you know what I think?
- What?Copy !req
127. I think it's sexy.Copy !req
128. Sexy?Copy !req
129. Let me tell you something.
As a woman...Copy !req
130. there is nothing sexier...Copy !req
131. than a man who does not
want to have sex.Copy !req
132. No kidding?Copy !req
133. You know what I'd do?Copy !req
134. I'd wait.Copy !req
135. - You'd wait?
- Absolutely. I would wait...Copy !req
136. and wait...Copy !req
137. Then I'd wait some more.Copy !req
138. Really?Copy !req
139. I don't care if she tells you
she wants it, she begs, she pleads...Copy !req
140. she tells you she's gonna
have sex with another manCopy !req
141. That just means it's working.Copy !req
142. Women really want this?Copy !req
143. More than jewelry.Copy !req
144. Look at you! You look great!Copy !req
145. Do l? Thank you.Copy !req
146. So do you. Sparkly!Copy !req
147. This is pretty wonderful,
Mr. Major Capades Guy!Copy !req
148. I remember when you were just
King Friday in Mr. Roger's Ice Is Nice.Copy !req
149. You always said I'd make it.Copy !req
150. Well, you know,
I'm kind of spooky that way.Copy !req
151. Gosh, I missed you!Copy !req
152. - I'm gonna get changed.
- Okay.Copy !req
153. Now.Copy !req
154. Oh! Right. Okay.Copy !req
155. Ole!Copy !req
156. What?Copy !req
157. The Matador...Copy !req
158. Ole!Copy !req
159. Sweetie, can you
hold this for a second?Copy !req
160. Sorry, you had a
paleontologist on your face.Copy !req
161. But it's gone now.
You're all right.Copy !req
162. Hi, everyone.Copy !req
163. I wanted to thank you
for our little talk before.Copy !req
164. No problem! So you're gonna
go with the waiting thing?Copy !req
165. I was going to, but after
I talked to you, I talked to Joey.Copy !req
166. Good. What did he say?Copy !req
167. He told me to get over myself
and just do it.Copy !req
168. I thought about what you said
and about what he said.Copy !req
169. And his way, I get
to have sex tonight, so...Copy !req
170. What is this in my pocket?Copy !req
171. Why, it's Joey's porno movie!Copy !req
172. Pop it in!Copy !req
173. I'm fine, if you're
okay watching a video...Copy !req
174. filled with two-nippled people.Copy !req
175. People having sex.
That's just what I need to see.Copy !req
176. What's wrong with people having sex?Copy !req
177. Well, you know, these
movies are offensive...Copy !req
178. and degrading
to women and females...Copy !req
179. And the lighting's
always unflattering.Copy !req
180. - Monica, help me out here.
- Hell, I wanna see Joey!Copy !req
181. So is there a story?
Or do they just start doing it rightCopy !req
182. Oh. Never mind.Copy !req
183. Wait a minute. That is the craziest
typing test I've ever seen.Copy !req
184. All I say is, she'd
better get the job.Copy !req
185. Looks to me like he's
the one getting the job.Copy !req
186. Here I come.Copy !req
187. See, I'm coming to fix the copier.Copy !req
188. I can't get to the copier.
I'm thinking, "What do I do?"Copy !req
189. So I just watch them have sex.Copy !req
190. Then I say Here's my line!Copy !req
191. You know, that's bad
for the paper tray.Copy !req
192. Nice work, my friend!Copy !req
193. Wait, you see me again. Hang on,
the guy's butt's blocking me.Copy !req
194. There I am. There I am.
There I am...Copy !req
195. So what's up?
You came to see me yesterday.Copy !req
196. I kind of need a divorce.Copy !req
197. O...Copy !req
198. kay.Copy !req
199. How come?Copy !req
200. Actually, I'm getting married again.Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. I don't know how to tell you this.Copy !req
203. I'm straight.Copy !req
204. I don't understand.
How can you be straight?Copy !req
205. You're so smart and funny...Copy !req
206. and you throw
such great Academy Award parties!Copy !req
207. That's what I kept telling myself.Copy !req
208. But you reach a point
where you can't live a lie anymore.Copy !req
209. How long have you known?Copy !req
210. I guess on some level
I always knew I was straight.Copy !req
211. I thought I was supposed
to be something else.Copy !req
212. I'm an ice dancer, all my friends
are gay. I was just trying to fit in.Copy !req
213. And there's actually a woman?Copy !req
214. Her name's Debra.Copy !req
215. Well, is she the first
that you've been with?Copy !req
216. I've never told you this...Copy !req
217. but there were one
or two times back in college when...Copy !req
218. I'd get drunk,
go to a straight bar...Copy !req
219. and wake up with
a woman next to me.Copy !req
220. I told myself it was the liquor,
and everyone experiments in college.Copy !req
221. Sure.Copy !req
222. Now I know I don't have a choice.
I was born this way!Copy !req
223. I don't know what to say.Copy !req
224. You're married to someone for
six years and you think you know him.Copy !req
225. And then one day he says,
"Oh, I'm not gay!"Copy !req
226. I'm still me.Copy !req
227. Why couldn't you just have
figured this out six years ago?Copy !req
228. You know, it still
smells like monkey in there.Copy !req
229. That saves us the conversation.Copy !req
230. This has been great,
but I'm officially wiped.Copy !req
231. Me too. We should get going.Copy !req
232. No! Come on, you guys!Copy !req
233. Come on, it's only 1 1 :30.Copy !req
234. Let's just talk. We never just
hang out and talk anymore.Copy !req
235. Rachel, that's all we do.Copy !req
236. Maybe that's all we do.
What about Julie?Copy !req
237. What about Julie?Copy !req
238. You have been in our lives
for nearly two months now...Copy !req
239. and we don't really know you.Copy !req
240. I mean, who is Julie?Copy !req
241. What do you like?
What don't you like?Copy !req
242. We want to know everything.Copy !req
243. Well, that could take awhile.Copy !req
244. So?Copy !req
245. Who here does not have
the time to get to know Julie?Copy !req
246. I got the time to get to know Julie.Copy !req
247. I know her pretty well.
Can I go?Copy !req
248. That's fine.Copy !req
249. Let's start with your childhood.
What was that like?Copy !req
250. In a nutshellCopy !req
251. So, have you told your parents?Copy !req
252. No, but it'll be okay.
They're pretty cool.Copy !req
253. My brother's straight, so...Copy !req
254. Here you go.Copy !req
255. You know what?
I just have one more question.Copy !req
256. If you had figured this out sooner,
and I had been around...Copy !req
257. do you think l
would have been the one...?Copy !req
258. No. Don't tell me.Copy !req
259. I don't think either answer
would make me feel better. Here.Copy !req
260. I love you, Phoebe.Copy !req
261. So your brother's straight, huh?Copy !req
262. Seriously.Copy !req
263. and my second-grade teacher
was Miss Thomas...Copy !req
264. and my first-grade teacher
was Mrs. Cobb.Copy !req
265. Mrs. Gobb?Copy !req
266. No, Cobb. Like cobb salad.Copy !req
267. What exactly is in a cobb salad?Copy !req
268. I'm going home.Copy !req
269. Boy, that Julie's a talker, huh?Copy !req
270. Good night.Copy !req
271. It's pretty late. You're
probably not still planning on...Copy !req
272. No, I am.Copy !req
273. Are you nervous?Copy !req
274. I have done it before.Copy !req
275. I mean, how are
you gonna handle it?Copy !req
276. Are you gonna talk about it beforehand?
Are you just gonna pounce?Copy !req
277. I don't know. I guess
I'm just gonna...Copy !req
278. see what happens.Copy !req
279. Good luck!Copy !req
280. What?Copy !req
281. Nothing...Copy !req
282. It is your first time with her,
and if the first time doesn't go well...Copy !req
283. well then, that's pretty darn
hard to recover from.Copy !req
284. Okay, now I'm nervous.Copy !req
285. Maybe you should put it off.Copy !req
286. No, I don't want to put it off!Copy !req
287. I spent last year being
so unbelievably miserable.Copy !req
288. And now I'm actually happy.Copy !req
289. You know, I mean really happy.Copy !req
290. I just don't wanna...Copy !req
291. I don't wanna mess it up, you know?Copy !req
292. I know.Copy !req
293. I'm sorry.Copy !req
294. It's not your fault.Copy !req
295. Right.Copy !req
296. Maybe it doesn't
have to be this tough.Copy !req
297. Maybe you were on the right track
with that whole "spontaneous" thing.Copy !req
298. - Women really like that.
- Really?Copy !req
299. I mean if it were me,
I'd want you to...Copy !req
300. I don't know, catch me off guard
with a really...Copy !req
301. good kiss.Copy !req
302. Really sort of soft at first.Copy !req
303. And then maybe brush
the hair away from my face.Copy !req
304. And then look far into my eyes...Copy !req
305. in a way that lets me
know something...Copy !req
306. amazing is about to happen.Copy !req
307. And then, I don't know, then...Copy !req
308. you'd pull me
really close to you so that...Copy !req
309. so that I'd be pressed up
right against you.Copy !req
310. And it would get kind of...Copy !req
311. sweaty...Copy !req
312. and blurry.Copy !req
313. And then it's just happening.Copy !req
314. Thanks, Rach. Good night!Copy !req
315. Oh, God!Copy !req
316. Good morning!Copy !req
317. Well, somebody got some last night!Copy !req
318. Twice!Copy !req