1. - What you guys doing?
- Monica's making us watch Old Yeller.
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2. Why are you guys upset?
It's Old Yeller. It's a happy movie.
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3. - What?
- What are you talking about?
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4. Come on. Happy family gets a dog.
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5. Frontier fun!
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6. Pheebs, what about the end?
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7. When Yeller saves the family
and everyone's happy?
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8. That's not the end.
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9. That's when my mother would
shut off the TV and say, "The end."
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10. What about when he has rabies?
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11. He doesn't have rabies.
He has babies.
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12. That's what my mom said.
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13. I don't think she'd want you
to see what's about to happen.
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14. Why? What's about to happen?
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15. I've never seen this part.
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16. Hey, Travis, what you doing
with that gun?
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17. Oh, no.
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18. No, no, Travis, put down the gun.
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19. No, no, he's your buddy.
He's your Yeller.
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20. No! The end! The end!
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21. Okay, what kind of a sick
doggy snuff film is this?
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22. The One Where Old Yeller Dies
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23. Have you guys eaten? Richard and l
just finished, and we've got leftovers.
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24. Chicken and potatoes.
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25. What am I wearing?
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26. Actually, nothing but rubber gloves.
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27. One of these times, you'll really
be naked and we won't come over.
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28. That teach me a lesson.
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29. I got a leg, three breasts
and a wing.
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30. How do you find clothes that fit?
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31. Hey, Monica? We got a question.
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32. All right, yes, I see other women
in the shower at the gym.
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33. And no, I don't look.
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34. No, not that one.
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35. We're figuring out who to bring
to the Nicks game.
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36. Ross can't go, so it's between my friend
Eric Prower, who has breath issues...
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37. and Dan, with the poking.
"Did you see that play?"
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38. "You want more beer?
Is that Spike Lee?"
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39. Why don't you ask Richard?
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40. Richard, if you had an extra
ticket to the Nicks game...
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41. and you had to choose between
a friend who smelled...
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42. and one who bruises you,
who would you pick?
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43. Being a huge Nicks fan myself...
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44. I think you should take someone
who's a huge Nicks fan.
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45. That's Eric.
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46. Glad to be of help.
Matches.
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47. I meant, why don't you
take Richard to the game?
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48. What?
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49. - I don't know.
- Come on!
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50. He keeps his fingers to himself,
and he's always minty fresh.
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51. Richard's really nice.
We just don't know him really well.
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52. Plus, he's old
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53. er than some people.
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54. But younger than some buildings.
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55. So what, he's a little older.
Big deal.
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56. He's important to me.
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57. If you ask him,
he might take you in his Jag.
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58. How do we say yes...
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59. and make it seem like it's not
just to ride in the cool car?
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60. Okay, this could be tough.
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61. We'll bring him,
but only if he takes the Jaguar.
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62. You almost had it.
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63. No, no, you're fine. You're fine.
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64. Hi, honey.
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65. You are not gonna believe
what happened!
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66. We were playing on the floor,
and he grabs the table...
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67. and he pulls himself up!
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68. He pulled himself up!
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69. Standing man!
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70. I'm sorry you missed it,
but I did tape it if you wanna see it.
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71. We know. He already did it last week.
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72. You can watch our tape if you want.
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73. See, I don't believe this.
I missed the first time of everything.
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74. The first time he rolled over,
the first time he crawled.
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75. What else? Has he spoken?
Is he driving?
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76. Does he have a favorite liqueur?
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77. He is getting closer
on the talking thing.
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78. He can't quite say "mama" yet,
but once he said "Yemen."
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79. See, I don't know.
I'm so sick of missing stuff.
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80. I want him for more than a day.
I want him for a whole weekend.
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81. Listen. I feel
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82. That would be great.
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83. Really? I had a whole speech prepared.
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84. Oh, shoot, that would've been fun.
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85. Did you just see that?
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86. Did you see? He just waved!
He just waved!
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87. He's never waved before!
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88. Yes, he has. Very good.
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89. What you got there?
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90. Love Story, Brian's Song and
Terms of Endearment.
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91. All you need now is The Killing Fields
and guacamole, and you got a party!
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92. I talked to my grandma
about the Old Yeller incident...
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93. and she said my mom used to not
show us the ends of sad movies...
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94. to shield us from
the pain and sadness.
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95. You know, before she killed herself.
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96. Where's Richard?
Did you ditch him?
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97. After we stole his lunch money
and gave him a wedgie.
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98. What's the matter?
He's parking the car.
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99. - Did you guys have fun?
- Your boyfriend is so cool.
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100. He let us drive his Jaguar.
Joey for 12 blocks. Me for 15.
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101. He must like you best.
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102. What about when he tipped the guy
who showed us to our seats?
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103. You never even saw the money.
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104. Hey, Chandler, thanks for
showing us to our seats.
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105. You're welcome. Hey, Joey,
thanks for parking the car.
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106. No problem.
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107. - Hey, Chandler
- I think they get it.
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108. There's the man!
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109. Hey, you're getting better.
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110. I'm gonna keep this.
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111. He kept my dollar.
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112. Your first weekend without Ben.
What are you doing?
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113. We're going to
colonial Williamsburg.
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114. A woman I went to college with is
the first female blacksmith there.
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115. They're a little behind the times
in colonial Williamsburg.
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116. Look, I better go
before Mommy starts weeping.
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117. - We love you.
- Bye, Mommy.
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118. Have a good time.
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119. Look.
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120. Joey, do you know
we can see you from here?
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121. How come Richard looks cooler
with one of these?
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122. You may wanna light it
and lose the spatula.
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123. It's cute, you trying
to be more like Richard.
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124. Not like him, per se.
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125. Just not unlike him.
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126. It's the artist formerly known
as Chandler.
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127. I'm just trying something here,
you know?
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128. Why didn't you grow a mustache?
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129. We flipped for it.
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130. I got the cigar, he got the mustache.
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131. If we both grew them,
we'd look like dorks.
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132. You really sidestepped
that land mine.
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133. I promised Richard
we'd meet him downstairs.
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134. You're meeting Richard?
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135. - Ranger game.
- Didn't he tell you?
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136. He said he was going out with the guys.
I didn't know that was you.
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137. You hear that?
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138. We're the guys!
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139. With that mustache,
he reminds me of Aunt Sylvia.
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140. Thank you!
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141. Hi. We're visiting.
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142. It's Ben and his dada.
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143. Can you say "dada"?
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144. I'm telling your mommies you said it,
so you might as well.
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145. No luck, huh?
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146. A while ago,
I got a "seh" out of him...
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147. which I thought might turn into
"seh-condary caregiver," but...
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148. Would you hold him for a sec?
I gotta take this off.
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149. Sure. Okay.
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150. What are you doing?
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151. I'm holding Ben.
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152. He's a baby, not a bomb.
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153. Hold him like you'd hold a football.
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154. This is how I would hold a football.
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155. Here. Here. There we go.
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156. Sorry, I'm not very good with babies.
I haven't been around them.
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157. I mean, you know, since I was one.
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158. - It's all right. No big deal.
- Really?
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159. I'm sure you'll feel different
when it's our baby.
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160. - What?
- What?
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161. You think about stuff like that?
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162. Yeah. I mean...
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163. Actually, I kind of think
that we'll have two babies.
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164. Two babies?
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165. You know, a boy and a girl.
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166. Hopefully, the girl will come first,
so Ben won't feel competitive.
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167. Then what's gonna happen?
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168. We won't wanna raise kids in the city,
so we'll move to Scarsdale.
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169. We'll be far enough from our parents
so we don't have to see them...
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170. but close enough
that they can baby-sit.
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171. And yes, I know the taxes are
a little higher than Nassau County...
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172. but the school system's great.
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173. Wow, that's great! Great!
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174. Okay, wow! You know what?
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175. I'm off my break now.
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176. Here. You take this.
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177. I'm gonna go pour these
very nice people some coffee.
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178. Look at that. I don't have a pot.
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179. I don't have a pot.
Maybe I've got one at home.
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180. Or in Scarsdale.
Hey, is that a door?
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181. Hey, Pheebs. What's happening?
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182. Murder, cancer, soccer teams eating
each other in the Andes.
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183. I was really just need a small talk.
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184. Ok, I was just fanting.
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185. So you watched the movies?
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186. What is happening to the world?
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187. I mean...
No, no, because E.T. Ieaves...
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188. and Rocky loses. Charlotte dies.
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189. Charlotte who?
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190. With the web. The spider.
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191. She dies. She has babies and dies.
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192. It's like, "Welcome home
from the hospital." Thud!
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193. You wanna feel better?
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194. Here. Watch this.
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195. It's a Wonderful Life.
I've heard of this.
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196. So you can't lose.
It's there in the title.
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197. Wonderfulness is baked right in.
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198. I fell for that with
Pride of the Yankees.
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199. I thought I'd see a film
about Yankee pride.
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200. And boom! The guy gets
Lou Gehrig's disease.
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201. The guy was Lou Gehrig.
Didn't you kind of see it coming?
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202. Watch that. It'll restore
all your faith in humanity.
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203. Hey, big guy. Game time.
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204. - Hey! Be right there!
- There's a game?
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205. I just got my Pik-Up Stiks
back from the shop.
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206. Bring your nerves of steel.
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207. It's the basketball playoffs.
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208. I appreciate this, but you don't
have to hang out with them for me.
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209. They have each other.
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210. Oh, no, honey. I mean, don't worry.
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211. I like hanging out with them.
They're different than my other friends.
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212. They don't start sentences with
"You know who just died shoveling snow?"
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213. All right, that's great.
Then just go.
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214. Go Nicks!
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215. It's the college playoffs.
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216. - Then, go Vassar!
- They're not in it.
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217. Okay, then just go.
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218. Why does this bother me so much?
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219. I'm not one of those people who wants
to spend 24 hours a day together.
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220. Sure.
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221. He just doesn't have much free time.
What do I do?
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222. Does it matter? You'll just die
or divorce or blow your pet's head off.
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223. Me too!
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224. Rachel, I got a question. Richard
made plans again with the guys
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225. Ross made plans for the century.
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226. I'm gonna go read Cosmo.
Maybe there's something helpful in it.
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227. If not, I can learn how to do a bikini
wax with leftover Christmas candles.
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228. What happened back there?
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229. I don't know. You tell me.
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230. One minute I'm holding Ben,
then I've got two kids...
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231. I'm living in Scarsdale
complaining about taxes!
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232. Well, I'm sorry.
I think about stuff.
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233. You're at work, you're assembling bones,
your mind wanders.
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234. You've planned out the next 20 years.
We've dated for six weeks!
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235. You never think about our future?
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236. I think about whose apartment
we'll sleep at tomorrow...
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237. and where we'll have dinner
next Saturday!
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238. I do not think about
our children's names!
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239. You know what our
children's names will be?
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240. No, I mean, you know. I read a book,
and there was a girl named Emily.
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241. And I thought that might be good.
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242. What book?
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243. The Big Book of Children's Names.
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244. Okay, listen.
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245. What we have is amazing.
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246. But I do not want
everything decided for me!
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247. I spent my whole life like that.
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248. It's what I had with Barry.
That's a reason I left.
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249. I like not knowing right now.
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250. Sorry if that scares you, but if you
wanna be with me, deal with that!
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251. - Okay, fine!
- Thank you!
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252. - We're not done!
- I didn't know that.
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253. You're with a guy who won't stop
planning his future with you.
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254. He knows we'll end up together.
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255. If that scares you, tough!
You'll have to deal with that.
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256. - I will!
- Good, because I love you!
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257. Oh, yeah? I love you too!
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258. - That's the first time we've said that!
- Yes, it is!
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259. - I'm gonna kiss you!
- You better!
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260. Thanks for the great movie tip.
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261. - Did you like it?
- Oh, yeah.
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262. I don't know if I was happier when
George Bailey destroyed the business...
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263. or Donna Reed cried or when
the pharmacist made his ear bleed.
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264. I'll give you the ear thing,
but wasn't the ending wonderful?
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265. I didn't watch it.
I was too depressed.
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266. It kept getting worse!
It should've been called:
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267. "It's a Sucky Life, And Just When You
Think It Can't Suck Anymore, It Does!"
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268. IKick, save! And...
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269. denied!
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270. He gets it back.
Pass to the middle, lines it up...
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271. Yes!
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272. Could that shot be any prettier?
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273. Man, you are incredible.
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274. We had a table in college.
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275. Really? I didn't know they had
foosball in the 1800s.
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276. Nice mustache. At puberty,
that thing will really kick in.
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277. Not to sound too Florence Henderson,
but dinner's on the table.
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278. One more point.
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279. Score!
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280. Now can we go?
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281. That's why we don't let her play.
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282. Is everything all right?
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283. Don't be mad at him.
It's our fault.
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284. I'm sorry we've been hogging his time.
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285. He's just really great
to hang out with.
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286. - Well...
- No, seriously.
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287. We just talked about this.
He is so much cooler than our dads.
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288. Our dads are okay and all,
but Richard is just
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289. What are you kicking me for?
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290. I'm trying to talk here.
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291. You guys see me as a dad?
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292. - Oh, yeah!
- No!
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293. You're just clearly not familiar
with our young persons' vernacular.
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294. When we say "dad," we mean "buddy."
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295. We mean "pal."
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296. No, seriously. Joey's my dad.
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297. Monica's my dad.
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298. I've even got some dads down at work.
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299. That's fine.
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300. Well, your other dad and I are gonna
go have a romantic evening.
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301. I'll just see you kids around.
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302. Nighty-night.
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303. You're not a dad!
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304. I can't believe you got us
into trouble.
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305. So are you okay?
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306. Just...
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307. I feel like I'm about a hundred.
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308. I thought I was just one of the guys.
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309. Come here.
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310. I'll make you feel like
one of the guys.
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311. For a really cool guy,
you suck at foosball.
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312. I was killing them.
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313. Yeah, well they suck too.
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314. You take the poopy diaper
and put it in the poopy diaper pail.
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315. Calling it a "poopy diaper"
doesn't make this process any cuter.
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316. - It's us.
- Come on up.
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317. I'll get his stuff together.
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318. Okay, we can do this now,
can't we, Ben?
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319. Yes, we can.
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320. Yes, we can.
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321. There! I did it!
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322. I did it!
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323. Look at that!
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324. It stays on and everything.
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325. I'm sorry. What did you just say?
Did you just say "hi"?
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326. Oh, my God! Ross?
Ben just said hi!
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327. - What?
- Ben just said hi!
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328. What, the word "hi"?
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329. No, my Uncle Hi.
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330. Great! And I missed that too.
I miss everything!
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331. Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I just
bring it out in him.
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332. - Where is he?
- We missed you.
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333. We missed you so much!
Come here, Ben.
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334. Guess what?
Ben just said his first word.
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335. What did he say?
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336. Something about hi.
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337. That's so exciting!
Mommy's so proud of you!
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338. You know, actually,
it's more like, hi!
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339. This could go on for a while.
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340. You're right.
We've got a cab waiting.
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341. Well, this was fun.
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342. We should do it again sometime, Ben.
What do you say?
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343. - All right, so I've got him...?
- Tuesday.
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344. Bye, you guys.
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345. - Take care.
- Bye, Ben.
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346. Did he just say "bye"?
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347. He said bye!
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348. You said bye!
He said bye to me!
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349. Yes, he did!
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350. Suddenly I'm seeing him
go off to college!
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351. We've gotta go.
We've got that cab downstairs.
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352. See you later.
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353. Look at this nice deep hole I dug.
Hey, Bert...
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354. isn't this a nice hole here?
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355. Ben, this is the part where Ernie buries
Bert in the sand and can't find him.
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356. Now, I've looked ahead on the tape,
and he does find him again.
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357. But before that happens,
there's some rough going for a while.
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358. But I think we can handle it.
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359. And there's just the alphabet,
but we know that ends well, so...
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360. Here we go.
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361. Bert? Bert?
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362. What happened to my friend Bert?
He was here just a moment ago.
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363. Oh, no! My old friend Bert is lost.
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364. I'm so glad you're here.
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