1. Hey, Eddie.
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2. - What are you doing here?
- Watching you sleep.
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3. Why?
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4. It makes me feel peaceful.
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5. Please.
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6. I can't sleep now!
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7. You want me to sing?
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8. That's it. I want you
out of the apartment now!
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9. What are you talking about?
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10. Hannibal Lecter?
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11. Better roommate than you.
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12. I don't think you're being fair! One
night you see me and you get scared.
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13. What about the other nights
when you don't see me?
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14. Last night you went
and got some water...
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15. and I was nice enough
to hide behind the door.
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16. I didn't realize that.
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17. Get out now!
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18. You really want me out?
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19. Yes, please.
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20. Then I want to hear you say
you want me out.
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21. I want you out.
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22. I want to hear it from your lips.
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23. Where'd you hear it before?
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24. All right. You know what?
Consider me gone.
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25. I will go to my brother's basement.
When he find out, I will find another man's house.
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26. I'll be out by the time
you get home from work tomorrow.
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27. - Thank you.
- I heard that.
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28. The One Where Eddie Won't Go
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29. Well, look at you!
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30. Finally got that
time machine working, huh?
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31. You like it?
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32. This guy was selling them
on 8th Avenue and I thought...
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33. "You know what I don't have?"
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34. A mirror?
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35. Fine, make fun.
I think it's jaunty.
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36. For a guy who's recently lost his job,
you're in a good mood.
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37. I'll be all right.
I'm not starting from square one.
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38. I was Dr. Drake Ramoray
on Days of our Lives.
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39. That's got to have some kind of cachet.
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40. Cachet? Jaunty?
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41. Chandler gave me
word-of-the-day toilet paper.
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42. I'm gonna get some coffee.
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43. Go on, you know you want to.
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44. So? Did you read the book?
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45. Oh, my God.
It was incredible!
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46. Didn't it, like,
totally speak to you?
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47. What book is this?
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48. You have to read this book.
It's called Be Your Own Wind Keeper.
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49. It's about how women need
to become more empowered.
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50. But there's wind.
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51. And the wind can make us goddesses.
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52. Do you know who takes our wind?
Men. They just take it.
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53. Men just take our wind?
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54. All the time. Because they
are the lightning-bearers.
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55. That sounds kind of cool.
It's like The Hobbit.
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56. It is nothing like The Hobbit.
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57. It's like reading about
every relationship I've ever had.
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58. Except for Richard.
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59. Richard would never steal your wind.
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60. Because he's yummy.
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61. But all the others.
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62. And the part about how
they're always drinking...
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63. from our pool of inner power.
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64. But God forbid we should take a sip.
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65. Anybody want a cruller?
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66. This is a typical
lightning-bearer thing.
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67. It's like...
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68. "Hello. Who wants one of
my phallic-shaped man-cakes?"
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69. Don't worry about it, already!
Things happen.
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70. You're not mad at me
for getting fired and everything?
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71. Look at me.
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72. Look at me!
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73. Do I have lipstick on my teeth?
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74. Can we get back to me?
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75. Look, honey. People get fired
left and right in this business.
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76. I already got you an audition
for Another World.
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77. All right!
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78. "Cab Driver Number 2"?
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79. You're welcome.
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80. But I was Dr. Drake Ramoray!
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81. How can I go from being
a neurosurgeon to driving a cab?
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82. Things change. Roll with them.
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83. But this is a two-line part!
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84. It's like taking a step backwards.
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85. I'm not gonna do this.
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86. I'm gonna tell you the same thing
I told Al Minza...
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87. and his pyramid of dogs.
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88. Take any job you can get,
and don't make on the floor.
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89. I'm sorry.
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90. I'll see you.
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91. God!
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92. Oh, God!
I mean, it's just so...
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93. Isn't it?
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94. This is like reading
about my own life!
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95. This book could have been called
Be Your Own Wind Keeper, Rachel!
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96. It wouldn't have sold
a million copies...
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97. but it would've made
a nice gift for you.
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98. Sweetie, we've got to go.
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99. No! Why do we always have to do
everything according to your timetable?
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100. Actually, it's the movie theater
that has the timetable.
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101. It's so you don't miss the beginning.
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102. This isn't about the movie theater.
This is about you stealing my wind.
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103. You go, girl!
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104. I can't pull that off, can l?
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105. Excuse me, your wind?
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106. Yes, my wind.
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107. How do you expect me to grow
if you won't let me blow?
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108. You know I don't...
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109. have a problem with that.
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110. I just really need to be
with myself right now.
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111. I'm sorry.
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112. You're right.
I don't have to apologize.
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113. Sorry. Damn it!
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114. - What is it?
- I don't know.
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115. It's got all this stuff
about wind and trees...
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116. and some sacred pool.
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117. I don't really get it.
But she's pretty upset about it.
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118. This is why I don't date
women who read.
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119. What's that?
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120. It's my VlSA bill.
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121. Envelope one of two.
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122. - That can't be good.
- Open it, open it.
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123. Oh, my God!
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124. Look at this!
How did I spend so much money?
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125. That's just the minimum amount.
That's your total.
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126. Thirty-five hundred dollars
at "Porcelain Safari"?
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127. My animals.
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128. The guy said they suited me. He spoke
with an accent. I was confused.
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129. I don't know what to do!
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130. You can start by driving a cab
on Another World.
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131. - What?
- That audition?
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132. That's a two-line part!
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133. Joey, you owe $1100
at "I Love Lucite."
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134. - So what?
- So suck it up, man.
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135. It's a job. It's money.
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136. I don't need you getting judgmental
and condescending and pedantic.
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137. Toilet paper?
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138. I'm not being any of those things.
I'm being realistic.
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139. You're supposed to be my friend!
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140. I am your friend.
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141. Then tell me things like,
"You'll be fine."
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142. And "Something big's gonna
come along. I know it!"
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143. But I don't know it.
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144. What I do know is you owe $2300
at "isn't It Chromantic?"
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145. I'm aware of what I owe.
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146. Then get some sense.
It took you 10 years to get that job.
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147. - How long till you get another?
- I don't want to hear this!
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148. I'm just saying...
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149. Well, don't "just say"!
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150. Maybe I should just go.
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151. I'll see you later.
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152. Just think about it.
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153. I don't need to think about it!
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154. I was Dr. Drake Ramoray!
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155. That was huge!
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156. Big things are gonna happen!
You'll see!
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157. Ross!
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158. You still there?
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159. What are you still doing here?
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160. Just some basic dehydrating
of fruits and vegetables.
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161. Man alive, this thing's fantastic!
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162. Aren't you forgetting anything?
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163. Oh, yeah. I got us a new goldfish.
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164. He's feistier than the last one.
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165. Maybe because the last one
was made by Pepperidge Farm.
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166. Eddie, isn't there something
you're supposed to be doing now?
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167. Not unless it's got something
to do with dehydrating.
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168. Because right now,
I'm a dehydrating maniac!
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169. I thought we had a deal.
I thought by the time I got
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170. You know what that is?
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171. Your last roommate's kidney?
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172. That's a tomato.
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173. This one definitely goes
in the display.
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174. Hey, Gunther.
Let me get a lemonade to go.
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175. Lemonade?
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176. You okay, man?
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177. It's career stuff.
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178. They killed off
my character on the show.
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179. That's too bad.
How'd they do it?
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180. I fell down an elevator shaft.
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181. That sucks.
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182. I was buried in an avalanche.
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183. What?
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184. I used to be Brice
on All My Children.
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185. Why must everybody watch me sleep?
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186. There'll be no more
watching me sleep! No more...
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187. watching!
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188. I got some great stuff to dehydrate.
Grapes, apricots.
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189. I thought it'd be cool to see
what happens with these water balloons.
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190. Get out.
Get out, get out, get out!
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191. - What?
- You! Move out!
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192. Take your fruit!
Your stupid small fruit and get out!
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193. You want me to move out?
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194. I gotta tell you, that's kind of
out of the blue, don't you think?
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195. This is not out of the blue!
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196. This is smack-dab
in the middle of the blue!
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197. Relax! Take it easy, buddy!
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198. You don't have to tell me twice.
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199. Someone will be by for my stuff.
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200. If you think I'm leaving you
alone with my fish, you're insane!
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201. You want some help?
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202. No help required, chico!
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203. All the way to the airport, huh?
You know, that's over 30 miles.
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204. That's gonna cost you about so bucks.
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205. Excuse me, that's fifty bucks.
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206. Five-O dollars.
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207. You know what it is?
It's smudgy because they're fax pages.
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208. When I was on Days of our Lives
as Dr. Drake Ramoray...
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209. they'd send over
the whole script on real paper.
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210. That's great.
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211. If you wanted to expand this scene,
like have the cab crash...
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212. I could attend to the victims...
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213. because I have a background
in medical acting.
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214. Okay, listen, thanks for coming in.
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215. Don't thank me for coming in.
At least let me finish.
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216. We could take the expressway...
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217. but this time of day
you're better off taking the budge.
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218. You were going for bridge there,
weren't you?
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219. I'll have a good day.
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220. Honey, I know you didn't mean to.
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221. Rach, hang up. You are suppose to be taking goddness quiz.
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222. You should lose 100 point just because of
you call your boyfriend in the middle of it.
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223. Question number 28.
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224. "Have you ever allowed
a lightning-bearer to take your wind?"
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225. I would have to say no.
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226. And I would have to say...
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227. What?
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228. Do you not remember the puppet guy?
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229. You totally let him wash his feet
in the pool of your inner power.
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230. And his puppet too!
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231. Well, at least
I didn't let some guy...
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232. into the forest of my righteous
truth on the first date!
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233. - Who?
- Paul!
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234. Moving on, moving on.
Next question.
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235. Okay, number 29.
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236. "Have you ever betrayed
another goddess...
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237. for a lightning-bearer?"
Okay, number 30.
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238. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's go back to 29.
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239. Not to my recollection.
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240. Danny Arshack, ninth grade.
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241. You know the bottle
was pointing at me.
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242. Only because you took up
half the circle!
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243. Listen to you two.
It's so sad.
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244. Looks like I'll be going to
the goddess meetings alone.
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245. Not when they find out
you slept with Jason Hurley...
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246. an hour after
he broke up with Monica.
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247. One hour?
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248. You are such a leaf blower!
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249. - That is not on the book.
- No, but that's what you are.
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250. Be careful with that 3-D Last Supper.
Judas is a little loose.
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251. Oh, my God! What's going on?
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252. They're taking all my stuff back.
I guess you were right.
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253. No, I wasn't right.
That's what I came here to tell you.
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254. I was totally hung up
on my own stuff the other day.
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255. No, listen. I need the whole
security thing, you know?
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256. To know where my next paycheck is
coming from. But you don't need that.
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257. And that's amazing to me.
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258. I could never do what you do.
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259. - Thanks.
- You hold out for something bigger.
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260. I can't tell you
how much respect I have...
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261. for you not going
to that stupid audition.
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262. - I went.
- Great! How did it go?
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263. - I didn't get it.
- Good for you!
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264. You're living the dream!
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265. All right, then!
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266. Not my parrot.
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267. I can't watch this.
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268. Hey, hold on, hold on.
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269. How much for the...
How much to save the bird?
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270. - Twelve hundred.
- Dollars?
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271. You spent $1200 on a plastic bird?
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272. It was an impulse buy.
Near the register.
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273. Go ahead with the bird.
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274. Do you have anything for around $200?
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275. The dog.
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276. I'll take it.
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277. My gift to you, man.
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278. Thanks, Ross!
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279. I really liked that bird, though.
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280. But the dog!
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281. Here are your cakes.
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282. We didn't order cake.
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283. No, I know. They're from me.
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284. You guys, this is not good.
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285. We have enough trouble
with guys stealing our wind...
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286. without taking it from each other.
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287. You're right.
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288. I love you goddesses.
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289. I don't ever want
to suck your wind again.
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290. - Thank you. So are we good?
- We're good.
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291. We're good?
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292. Let me take these back.
They'll take it out of my paycheck.
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293. Ding-dong, the psycho's gone!
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294. Are you sure this time?
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295. I actually saw him leave.
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296. That guy is holding a human head.
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297. He's holding a human head!
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298. Check it out, man!
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299. I tore it off a mannequin
in the alley behind Macy's.
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300. There's no alley behind Macy's.
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301. So I got it in the junior miss
department. Big diff.
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302. It'll make a hell of a conversation
piece at our next cocktail party.
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303. "Our next cocktail party"?
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304. We'll put chips in it.
We'll make it a chip chick.
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305. Do you remember yesterday?
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306. Yes, I think I vaguely recall it.
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307. Do you remember
talking to me yesterday?
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308. So what happened?
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309. We took a road trip to Las Vegas!
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310. Oh, sweet Moses!
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311. So on this road trip,
did you win any money?
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312. I crapped out. But Mr. 21 here!
He cleans up!
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313. $300! He buys me these new shoes.
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314. Nice.
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315. See you upstairs. See you, pals!
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316. Is anyone else starting
to really like him?
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317. May I help you?
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318. Why doesn't my key work,
and what's my stuff doing downstairs?
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319. I'm sorry.
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320. Have we met?
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321. It's Eddie, you freak!
Your roommate.
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322. I'm sorry...
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323. I already have a roommate.
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324. He's lived here for years.
I don't know what you're talking about.
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325. No, he moved out and I moved in.
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326. Well, I think we'd remember
something like that.
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327. I know I would.
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328. That's a good point.
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329. Okay, wow.
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330. I guess I got the wrong apartment.
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331. - I'm terribly sorry.
- Hey, no problem.
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332. See you.
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333. Goodbye, you fruit-drying psychopath.
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334. - You want me to help you unpack?
- Nah, I'm okay.
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335. Just so you know, I'm not
moving back in because I have to.
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336. I mean, I do have to, but...
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337. It's just that that place,
it wasn't really...
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338. I mean, this is...
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339. Welcome home, man.
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340. - A little foos?
- Absolutely!
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341. What happened to the foosball?
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342. It's a cantaloupe.
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343. Are we gonna bring this out
every time Ross comes over?
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344. He paid a lot of money for it.
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345. I'm gonna hold him a different way.
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346. If you hated it so much,
why'd you buy it in the first place?
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347. Well, I had a whole ceramic
zoo thing going over there.
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348. But without the other ones,
it looks tacky.
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349. Is he housetrained or will he leave
little bathroom tiles all over?
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350. Stay.
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351. Stay!
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352. Good fake dog.
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