1. Ah, excuse me, this is a...
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2. Closed set. We know. But we're
friends with the monkey, hmm?
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3. Good morning.
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4. Look who I brought!
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5. Your old friend, Harry Elafonte!
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6. Whoa, dude. Burn!
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7. I don't get it.
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8. He seemed so happy
to see me yesterday.
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9. Don't take it personal. He's under pressure,
starring in a movie and all.
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10. Oh.
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11. How big of a star is Marcel?
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12. In human terms? I'd say...
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13. Cybill Shepherd.
Whoa.
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14. Really?
Whoa.
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15. So you guys in the movie
or you just really paranoid?
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16. - Hey, Sal?
- Mm-hm?
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17. Jerry wants to know
if the monkey's ready.
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18. Excuse me?
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19. Jerry is the director?
Which one's he?
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20. - The one in the director's chair?
Gotcha.
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21. Pheebs, walk with me.
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22. Okay.
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23. Um, why am I walking with you?
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24. Well, uh, we're just going
over here so that we can get away from...
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25. the horrible flesh-eating virus!
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26. For the love of God, woman,
listen to me!
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27. Is he looking? Is he looking?
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28. We've got a problem.
- Tell me.
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29. I can't do Chris' makeup.
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30. She refuses to acknowledge
her mustache.
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31. - Is it bad?
- It looks like her eyebrow fell down.
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32. Unless we convince her
to let me bleach it...
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33. Jean-Claude Van Damme will be
making out with Gabe Kaplan.
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34. I'll talk to her.
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35. I hate actors.
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36. Nice camouflage. For a minute there,
I almost didn't see you.
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37. - Excuse me. Whoa.
- Ah!
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38. Uh, is your name Chandler?
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39. Uh, yes, it is.
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40. Chandler Bing.
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41. Do you know me or are you
just really good at this game?
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42. I'm Susie Moss.
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43. Fourth grade? Glasses?
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44. I carried a box of animal crackers
like a purse?
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45. Susie Moss!
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46. Right! Yeah! Wow!
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47. You look...
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48. Great job growing up.
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49. It's nice to see you don't still
wear the cap with the mirrors on it.
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50. Oh, I graduated fourth grade
and realized I wasn't a pimp.
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51. Heh, heh. Remember the class play?
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52. You pulled up my skirt and the
entire auditorium saw my underpants?
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53. Yes. Back then, I, uh, used humor
as a defense mechanism.
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54. Thank God I don't do that anymore.
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55. - Oh, my God!
- What? What?
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56. It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.
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57. I didn't know he was in this movie.
He is so hot!
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58. You think?
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59. The Muscles from Brussels?
Wham-Bam-Van-Damme?
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60. Did you see Timecop?
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61. No. Was he any good in it?
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62. Rachel, he totally changed time!
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63. Wow.
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64. - So why don't you go talk to him?
- Oh. Yeah.
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65. Go tell him he's cute.
What's the worst that could happen?
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66. He could hear me.
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67. Oh.
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68. - I'm doing it for you.
- Don't you dare! Don't!
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69. Don't!
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70. Tell him I cook!
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71. Excuse me.
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72. - Hi. Ha, ha.
- Hi.
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73. Um, this is gonna sound kind of goofy.
Ha, ha.
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74. But, um, my friend over there...
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75. who cooks, by the way...
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76. Um, she thinks you're cute. Heh.
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77. You don't think I'm cute?
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78. I don't know. Um...
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79. Do you think you're cute?
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80. We're getting off the track.
Um, I was supposed to tell you...
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81. my friend thinks you're cute.
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82. What should I tell her?
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83. You can tell her
I think her friend is cute.
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84. - Oh. Ha, ha.
- Huh?
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85. Whoa. Ha, ha.
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86. Makeup!
- Oh, that's me. I gotta go.
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87. Oh, uh...
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88. Okay.
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89. Um, how many times do I have to touch you
on the arm before you ask me on a date?
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90. Well, uh, let's try one more.
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91. There you go. Ernie's, 8:00?
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92. I'll be there.
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93. And if things go well,
maybe this time...
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94. I'll get to see your underwear.
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95. No one was around to hear that?
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96. - So, what'd he say?
- Ugh!
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97. What a jerk!
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98. I kept talking about you,
and he kept asking me out.
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99. Oh.
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100. Naturally, you know, I said no.
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101. Well...
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102. Thanks, anyway.
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103. He just kept asking...
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104. and asking, asking, asking...
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105. If you want to go out with him, you can.
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106. Sounds like a jerk to me, but...
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107. Jean-Claude, she said yes!
I'll see you tonight!
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108. Thank you.
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109. Then Jean-Claude took me to Crossroads...
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110. and we hung out
with Drew Barrymore.
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111. Oh, man. She's so smoking!
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112. She's got the greatest set of...
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113. No guys around, huh?
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114. - Anybody need anything?
- Oh, I'll have an espresso.
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115. Oh, I'll get it.
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116. If I ask you to,
you'll end up drinking it yourself.
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117. - That is so unfair.
- I know.
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118. Like you'd drink her coffee after
what you did to her with Van Damme?
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119. I have to cancel racquetball tonight.
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120. Marcel's trainer will let me
have him for a couple of hours.
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121. You're blowing me off for a monkey?
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122. We can reschedule for Saturday.
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123. Yeah, unless you hook up
with a bunch of pigeons.
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124. Hey.
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125. Stick a fork in me...
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126. I am done!
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127. Uh...
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128. Stick a fork what?
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129. Like when you're cooking a steak.
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130. Oh, I don't eat meat.
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131. How do you know vegetables are done?
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132. Well, you don't.
You eat them and you can tell.
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133. Okay, then eat me, I'm done!
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134. Mm.
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135. - I've met the perfect woman.
- What?
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136. We're sitting on her couch,
fooling around...
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137. and then she turns to me and says:
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138. "Did you ever want to do it
in an elevator?"
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139. What did you say?
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140. I believe my exact words were:
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141. How do you know if you wanna do that?
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142. Oh, you just know.
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143. Oh, we gotta go.
Got a reservation in 30 minutes.
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144. No, no, no.
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145. What I had planned shouldn't take
more than two, three minutes, tops.
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146. Two hundred seconds of passion!
We gotta go.
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147. But, um...
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148. here's an idea.
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149. Have you ever worn
women's underwear?
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150. Well, yes, actually...
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151. but, uh, they were my Aunt Edna's.
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152. And there were three of us in there.
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153. I was thinking
it would be, um, kind of sexy...
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154. if you wore mine tonight at dinner.
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155. You want me to wear your panties?
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156. Could you?
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157. If I was wearing your underwear...
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158. then, uh, what would you be wearing?
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159. You're swell!
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160. I made Marcel's favorite dish,
banana cake...
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161. - Ooh.
with mealworm.
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162. Ah.
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163. - Candle. Ha, ha.
- Ha, ha.
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164. What do you think is
gonna happen here tonight?
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165. Hello.
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166. Oh, hi, are you on your way over...?
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167. Oh.
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168. No, I understand.
A monkey's gotta work.
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169. It's no big deal.
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170. It's not like I, uh, had anything
special planned, you know.
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171. Yeah, okay. Okay. Okay, bye.
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172. Okay. Rachel, why don't you
start talking first?
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173. All right. I feel that this is totally unjustified.
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174. She gave me the green light,
I did nothing...
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175. Do you think I can't see you
in the TV set?
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176. Monica, if there's something
you'd like to share...
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177. You had no right to date him!
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178. - That's the most ridiculous...
- You sold me out!
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179. - I did not!
- You absolutely...
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180. Would you let me talk!
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181. Did you just flick me?
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182. Well, you wouldn't let me
finish and I was...
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183. - Ow, that hurt!
- Ow.
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184. Quit flicking!
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185. Ow! Stop flicking!
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186. You flicked me first!
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187. Ow!
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188. Ow!
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189. Okay, no, no.
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190. Let's not do this!
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191. - Come on. Happy thoughts.
No! No!
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192. Happy thoughts! Happy thoughts!
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193. No! Ow! No!
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194. Oh! Oh!
Oh, God!
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195. Oh! Ow!
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196. Now I'm gonna kick some ass!
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197. - Ow.
- Ow.
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198. Ow, ow, ow.
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199. All right. Now, I will let go if you both stop.
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200. - Oh! You want me to stop seeing him?
- Uh-huh.
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201. You want me to just tell him
you're seeing him instead?
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202. - Is that what you want?
- Okay.
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203. Oh, that's what you want?
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204. Yes.
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205. - Fine!
- Fine!
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206. There we go.
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207. - Ow.
- Oh.
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208. Ha. If we were in prison,
you guys would be, like, my bitches.
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209. Thanks for letting me tag along.
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210. Forget about it.
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211. - How you doing there, squirmy?
- I'm hanging in.
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212. And a little out.
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213. So assistant to the director?
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214. That's an exciting job.
You must have a ton of responsibilities...
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215. I don't do the casting.
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216. So, what are you guys gonna eat?
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217. How come all I can think about
is putting that ice in my mouth...
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218. and licking you all over?
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219. Because I went to an all-boys high school,
and God is making up for it?
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220. I want you right here...
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221. right now.
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222. Right now, right here?
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223. Don't you think we're in
kind of a public place?
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224. They do have the shrimp.
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225. - Oh.
- Meet me in the bathroom.
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226. I'm going to the bathroom now.
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227. Come on.
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228. All right, mister.
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229. Let's see those panties.
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230. Alrighty.
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231. Ooh. Ooh.
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232. But you know what would be even sexier?
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233. What?
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234. If you didn't have
your shirt tucked into them.
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235. Oh.
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236. All right. Now, I would like
to see you wearing nothing but them.
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237. Take your clothes off.
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238. But, uh, I hope you realize this means...
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239. we'll miss hearing about the specials.
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240. Come on, hurry!
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241. Do you want this done quick or done right?
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242. All right, turn around.
I wanna see you from behind.
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243. Oh, oh. Somebody's been doing
his Buns of Steel video.
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244. So you want me
to, uh, clench anything or?
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245. Susie?
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246. This, ha, ha, is for the fourth grade.
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247. - Huh? What do you mean?
- What do I mean?
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248. What do I mean?
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249. I mean underpants, mister!
That's what I mean!
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250. What? What do you mean?
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251. My skirt...
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252. you lifted. Kids laughing!
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253. I was Susie Underpants till I was 18!
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254. That was in fourth grade!
How could you still be upset?
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255. Well, um...
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256. Call me in 20 years and tell me
if you're still upset about this.
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257. I hope you realize you're not
getting these underpants back!
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258. I can't believe this. Ha, ha.
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259. Just two weeks ago,
I was watching Sudden Death...
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260. and now I'm on a date
with Jean-Claude Van Damme.
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261. Can you beat up that guy?
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262. Yeah.
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263. - Can you beat up that guy?
- Sure.
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264. Oh, this is so wild.
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265. I gotta admit, I was surprised
that you agreed to go on a blind date.
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266. Normally, I would not do it.
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267. Yeah?
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268. What made you make the exception for me?
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269. Rachel told me, uh...
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270. you were dying to have a threesome
with me and, uh, Drew Barrymore.
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271. By the way,
Drew has some ground rules and...
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272. - Say you're sorry!
- No!
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273. Say it!
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274. No! I'm not gonna!
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275. - Say it! Say it! Great!
- Oh!
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276. Rachel.
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277. Say you're sorry or your sweater gets it.
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278. That is my favorite sweater!
That is my third-date sweater!
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279. Say you're sorry.
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280. You wanna play? Okay, let's play.
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281. Let's play.
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282. What are you gonna do?
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283. Give me back my sweater
or it's handbag marinara.
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284. You don't have the guts.
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285. Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken
to tell some guy he was cute.
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286. Oh, all right, stop! Stop the madness!
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287. This is crazy!
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288. Who can remember why
you're fighting in the first place?
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289. Yes, that's right.
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290. But still...
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291. Look at your purse!
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292. Look at your sweater!
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293. Look at yourselves!
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294. I'll help you fix your sweater.
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295. I'll help you...
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296. throw out your purse.
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297. I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him.
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298. I'm sorry I went out with him
when I knew you liked him.
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299. I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.
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300. Joey?
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301. Ma?
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302. Joey!
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303. What are you doing here?
I thought you guys took off.
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304. She took off with my clothes!
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305. - Are you naked in there?
- Well, not exactly.
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306. I'm wearing panties.
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307. Huh.
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308. You, uh, always wear panties?
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309. No, no. This is the first time.
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310. Wow. Talk about your bad luck!
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311. I mean, the first time you try panties
and someone walks off with your clothes.
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312. I was not trying them out.
Susie asked me to wear them.
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313. Let me see!
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314. No! I'm not letting you
or anybody else see, ever!
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315. All right, all right!
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316. Whoa.
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317. Someone's flossing!
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318. Joey, some people don't like that.
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319. Chandler's wearing panties.
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320. What?
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321. - Let me see!
You don't have to see!
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322. Hi, tushy!
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323. - One of you give me your underpants.
- Oh, no.
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324. I'm not wearing any.
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325. How can you not be wearing any?
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326. Oh. I'm getting heat from the guy
in the hot-pink thong.
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327. Look, Ross. I'll give you
$50 for your underpants.
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328. Hey.
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329. - Can I have the milk?
- I'm almost done with it.
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330. Keep your panties on.
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331. Hey. Hey.
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332. - And I'm in the movie!
- Hey.
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333. - What happened?
- A virus victim called in sick...
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334. so Cathy recommended me and boom!
I'm dying on a gurney!
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335. - Hey!
- Oh.
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336. Oh, Marcel just finished his last scene,
if you wanna go say goodbye.
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337. Uh, that's okay. He's probably
got parties to go to and stuff.
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338. You know, he's moved on.
That's the way it goes, right?
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339. Oh, my God!
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340. What?
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341. I think I want to write a song about all this.
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342. Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
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343. Ooh, except one of the strings
on my guitar is broken.
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344. Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?
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345. - How long you been waiting to say that?
- About 20 minutes!
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346. Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!
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347. Cut!
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348. Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!
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349. Cut!
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350. Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!
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351. - Mommy!
- Ah.
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352. Can't you see what's going on?
This man is dead!
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