1. - HEY, GUYS.
FREDDIE HERE.
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2. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A TALE
SO AWESOME, SO CRAZY,
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3. SO AWESOMELY CRAZY...
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4. THAT IT WILL LITERALLY
KNOCK THE SOCKS OFF YOUR FEET
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5. WHEN YOU HEAR IT?
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6. AND THE BEST PART IS,
IT'S 100% TRUE!
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7. WELL, AT LEAST I THINK IT IS.
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8. SO IT ALL STARTED OUT YESTERDAY
AFTERNOON WHEN BERTHA AND I
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9. WERE FINISHING UP
OUR HOME ECONOMICS PROJECT.
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10. - OKAY, AND... DONE!
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11. MS. ABBOTT'S GONNA FREAK
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12. WHEN SHE SEES HOW AWESOME
THIS CAKE IS.
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13. JEEZ, BERTHA,
WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU
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14. TO HELP OUT EVEN A LITTLE, LAZY?
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15. - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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16. - GO FRED.
YOU MAKE THAT CAKE.
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17. WHOA.
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18. UGH! UGH!
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19. - AND... DONE!
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20. HEY, THAT'S NOT HOW
IT HAPPENED AT ALL.
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21. I'M WAY BETTER AT PLAYING
THE TROMBONE THAN THAT.
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22. - NOW, YOU'RE SURE THIS CAKE
IS GONNA BE SAFE HERE OVERNIGHT?
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23. YOU DO KNOW IT'S WORTH HALF
OUR HOME ECONOMICS GRADE, RIGHT?
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24. - COME ON, BERTHA.
IT'S ME YOU'RE TALKING TO.
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25. - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
I'M WORRIED ABOUT.
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26. - I'M NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING
HAPPEN TO THIS CAKE.
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27. IT'LL BE FINE.
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28. NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CELEBRATE
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29. WITH SOME FRESHLY
HOMEMADE COOKIES AND MILK?
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30. FRESHLY HOMEMADE COOKIES.
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31. - YEAH, YOU'RE A REAL
MASTER CHEF THERE, FRED.
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32. - SECRET INGREDIENT IS LOVE.
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33. WHAT I NEED FOR THESE COOKIES
IS SOME NICE, DELICIOUS MILK.
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34. - UH, GROSS.
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35. THIS MILK EXPIRED
FIVE MONTHS AGO, FRED.
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36. - WEIRD.
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37. WHERE DOES EXPIRED MILK
COME FROM ANYWAY?
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38. LIKE, SOME SORT OF EXPIRED COW?
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39. - YEAH, EXPIRED MILK
COMES FROM EXPIRED COWS.
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40. THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.
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41. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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42. - DUH, I'M GONNA DRINK
THIS DELICIOUS GLASS OF MILK.
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43. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
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44. - IT'S SPOILED.
IT'LL MAKE YOU SICK.
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45. - YEAH, I'M GONNA GET SICK
FROM DRINKING MILK.
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46. LIKE THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN.
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47. AH.
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48. WASN'T SO BAD.
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49. - TOLD YA.
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50. FEEL BETTER.
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51. AND REMEMBER, IF YOU LET
ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THAT CAKE,
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52. I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.
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53. - YOU AREN'T REALLY GONNA
LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, ARE YOU?
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54. BERTHA!
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55. I DON'T FEEL SO WELL.
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56. HUH?
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57. UH...
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58. OH, YEAH, FREDDIE.
YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD.
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59. - YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD, FRED.
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60. - THANKS, FRED.
- ANYTIME, BRO.
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61. GET A GRIP, FRED.
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62. NO ONE'S ACTUALLY THERE.
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63. YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE SICK
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64. FROM THAT SPOILED MILK,
THAT'S ALL.
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65. - OKAY, IF I WASN'T REAL,
COULD I DO THIS?
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66. AND A LITTLE BIT OF THIS,
AND THIS, AND...
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67. - OKAY, I GET IT.
YOU'RE REAL.
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68. NOW WHO ARE YOU?
- THE NAME'S FREDO,
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69. AND I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU
A LITTLE WARNING.
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70. EXPIRED COW'S COMING.
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71. - EXPIRED COW?
SO HE DOES EXIST.
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72. - AND HE IS NOT HAPPY
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING HIS MILK.
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73. SO HE'S COMING TO YOUR HOUSE
AT THE STROKE OF 6:00 P.M.
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74. TO DESTROY YOUR CAKE.
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75. - WHAT CAN I DO?
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76. - WELL, IT'S EASY,
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77. BECAUSE HE HAS
A VERY SIMPLE WEAKNESS,
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78. AND THAT WEAKNESS IS...
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79. YOU KNOW, I FORGOT.
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80. DON'T YOU HATE
WHEN THAT HAPPENS?
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81. LIKE, YOU THINK OF SOMETHING,
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82. AND THEN IT'S LIKE, OOH,
GOES OUT OF YOUR MIND.
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83. WELL, SEE YA.
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84. COME BACK, FREDO!
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85. WHAT'S HIS WEAKNESS?
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86. - I'M GONNA GET THAT CAKE, FRED,
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87. AND THERE'S NOTHING
YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.
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88. MOO.
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89. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
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90. IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEONE
WHO COULD TRAIN ME
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91. TO GET READY
FOR WHEN THE EXPIRED COW COMES.
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92. - I CAN TRAIN YOU.
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93. - WHO SAID THAT?
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94. A GIANT TALKING COOKIE?
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95. NOW I KNOW I'M HALLUCINATING.
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96. - COME ON, FRED.
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97. IF I WAS A HALLUCINATION,
COULD I DO THIS?
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98. - OW!
- AND THIS?
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99. - OW!
- AND A LITTLE OF THIS?
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100. - OKAY, OKAY.
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101. I GET IT.
JEEZ.
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102. COULD YOU TRAIN ME,
MR. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE?
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103. - OF COURSE, AND PLEASE,
CALL ME STEVE.
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104. MR. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE
WAS MY FATHER.
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105. - STEVE?
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106. NO OFFENSE, BUT THAT'S
A WEIRD NAME FOR A COOKIE.
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107. - YEAH, I MEAN,
YOUR NAME'S FRED FIGGLEHORN,
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108. BUT I'M THE ONE
WITH THE WEIRD NAME, RIGHT?
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109. LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME
TO TRAIN YOU OR NOT?
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110. - YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE
TO MAKE IT FAST.
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111. EXPIRED COW'S GETTING HERE
AT 6:00 P.M.
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112. - OH, NO, FRED,
IT'LL TAKE WEEKS, MONTHS EVEN
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113. TO GET YOU TO YOUR
PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION.
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114. OR I SUPPOSE WE COULD
CONDENSE IT DOWN
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115. TO A 30-SECOND TRAINING MONTAGE.
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116. - YAY! TRAINING MONTAGE!
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117. OW.
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118. AH!
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119. OW!
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120. - OOH.
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121. HEY, DON'T YOU QUIT ON ME.
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122. WE DID IT.
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123. HIGH FIVE.
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124. - THAT FIGGLEHORN KID
FINALLY LOST HIS MARBLES.
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125. WELL, FRED, THAT'S IT.
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126. I'VE TAUGHT YOU
EVERYTHING I KNOW.
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127. - WAIT, YOU'RE NOT
GONNA LEAVE ME, ARE YOU?
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128. - THIS IS NOT MY BATTLE
TO FIGHT.
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129. JUST REMEMBER,
YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING
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130. IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.
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131. - REALLY?
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132. - WELL, UNLESS
HE'S BETTER THAN YOU.
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133. IN THAT CASE,
THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY
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134. YOU'RE GONNA WIN.
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135. IT'S GONNA BE BRUTAL.
- GEE, THANKS.
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136. - OH, SHOOT.
IT'S ALMOST 6:00.
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137. MY WIFE IS GONNA
BE WORRIED SICK ABOUT ME.
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138. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE SAID
WE WOULDN'T LAST.
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139. DEBRA'S AN OATMEAL RAISIN
COOKIE, BUT WE MAKE IT WORK.
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140. SEE YA LATER, FRED.
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141. - WHAT A NICE GUY.
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142. WAIT, DID HE SAY
IT'S ALMOST 6:00?
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143. THE CAKE!
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144. - MOO.
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145. YOU DRANK MY MILK.
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146. NOW PREPARE TO DRINK MY WRATH!
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147. - UH, THAT DOESN'T EVEN
MAKE ANY SENSE.
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148. YOU CAN'T DRINK WRATH.
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149. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
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150. - WELL, I WAS TRYING
TO FIND SOMETHING MEAN TO SAY,
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151. AND THAT WAS PRETTY—
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152. OH, FORGET IT!
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153. I'M GONNA DESTROY YOUR CAKE NOW.
- NO, WAIT.
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154. I CHALLENGE YOU DO A DUEL.
- A DUEL?
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155. - YEAH, ME VERSUS YOU,
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156. AND IF YOU WIN,
YOU CAN DESTROY THIS CAKE.
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157. BUT IF I WIN,
YOU WILL LEAVE MY HOUSE
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158. AND YOU NEVER COME BACK.
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159. - WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?
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160. - ONLY THE BEST TEST OF MENTAL
AGILITY MAN HAS EVER KNOWN.
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161. - CAREFUL WITH THE HOOFS.
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162. HAH!
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163. - I'M THE BEST BLOCK-STACKER
THE WORLD HAS EVER—
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164. GAMMIT!
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165. CONTORTION.
- RIGHT HAND RED.
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166. YES!
- CHESS?
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167. YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW
HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME.
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168. BREAK-DANCE COMPETITION?
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169. ARM WRESTLING?
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170. NO LIMIT TEXAS HOLD'EM?
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171. - ENOUGH!
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172. I WON EVERY GAME.
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173. NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY PRIZE.
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174. - NO!
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175. - NOW WATCH AS I BRING
MY HOOF DOWN ON YOUR CAKE
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176. IN AN UNNECESSARILY SLOW MANNER.
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177. NO!
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178. - HEY, FRED, I FOUND OUT WHAT
THE EXPIRED COW'S WEAKNESS IS.
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179. ISN'T THAT WEIRD
HOW THINGS WILL, LIKE,
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180. COME TO YOU AND THEN, LIKE,
THEY'LL LEAVE YOUR MIND,
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181. AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE,
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182. THEY'LL JUST BE, LIKE,
SITTING THERE—
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183. - FOR THE LOVE OF GAMMIT,
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184. JUST TELL ME
WHAT HIS WEAKNESS IS, FREDO.
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185. - OH, SORRY, MAN.
BAD TROMBONE PLAYING.
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186. - WELL, I DON'T REALLY SEE
HOW THAT HELPS ME.
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187. I'M REALLY GOOD AT TROMBONE,
SO—
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188. - JUST PLAY IT.
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189. - NO, NOT BAD TROMBONE PLAYING!
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190. AH, IT'S AWFUL!
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191. - YEAH, YEAH, DO IT!
DO IT, FRED!
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192. - ANYTHING BUT BAD TROMBONE!
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193. - EXPIRED COW,
YOU HAVE BEEN EXPIRED!
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194. - GOOD ONE.
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195. - THANKS,
JUST KIND OF CAME TO ME.
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196. - HEY, FRED, NICE JOB, KID.
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197. - RIGHT HAND RED.
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198. - FRED?
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199. - ARE YOU OKAY?
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200. - THE CAKE, BERTHA.
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201. I MADE SURE
NOTHING HAPPENED TO IT.
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202. - NICE WORK, FIGGLEHORN.
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203. YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH.
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204. SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.
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205. - THANKS, BERTHA.
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206. - NOW LET'S GET THIS BAD BOY
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207. TO HOME EC
BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.
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208. - OH, WELL.
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209. GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GO
WITH THE BACKUP CAKE NOW.
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210. - YOU MADE A BACKUP CAKE?
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211. - WELL, YEAH.
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212. I WAS SURE
YOU WERE GONNA MESS THINGS UP,
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213. SO I WENT HOME LAST NIGHT,
AND I MADE A BACKUP CAKE.
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214. ALL RIGHT.
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215. LET'S GET TO CLASS.
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216. - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WENT
THROUGH FOR THIS CAKE, BERTHA!
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217. I LEARNED KARATE FROM
A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE!
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218. I ARM-WRESTLED THE EXPIRED COW!
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219. - FRED,
YOU WERE JUST HALLUCINATING
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220. FROM DRINKING THE SPOILED MILK.
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221. THERE IS NO SUCH THING
AS AN EXPIRED COW.
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222. MOO.
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