Fred: The Show 1x4

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After Kevin's mom says he needs to spend the night at Fred's house, Fred assumes she must have found one of his babysitting flyers. Fred is excited about his first job.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. - HEY, GUYS. FREDDIE HERE.

2. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A TALE SO AWESOME, SO CRAZY,

3. SO AWESOMELY CRAZY...

4. THAT IT WILL LITERALLY KNOCK THE SOCKS OFF YOUR FEET

5. WHEN YOU HEAR IT?

6. AND THE BEST PART IS, IT'S 100% TRUE!

7. WELL, AT LEAST I THINK IT IS.

8. SO IT ALL STARTED OUT YESTERDAY AFTERNOON WHEN BERTHA AND I

9. WERE FINISHING UP OUR HOME ECONOMICS PROJECT.

10. - OKAY, AND... DONE!

11. MS. ABBOTT'S GONNA FREAK

12. WHEN SHE SEES HOW AWESOME THIS CAKE IS.

13. JEEZ, BERTHA, WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU

14. TO HELP OUT EVEN A LITTLE, LAZY?

15. - ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

16. - GO FRED. YOU MAKE THAT CAKE.

17. WHOA.

18. UGH! UGH!

19. - AND... DONE!

20. HEY, THAT'S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED AT ALL.

21. I'M WAY BETTER AT PLAYING THE TROMBONE THAN THAT.

22. - NOW, YOU'RE SURE THIS CAKE IS GONNA BE SAFE HERE OVERNIGHT?

23. YOU DO KNOW IT'S WORTH HALF OUR HOME ECONOMICS GRADE, RIGHT?

24. - COME ON, BERTHA. IT'S ME YOU'RE TALKING TO.

25. - YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED ABOUT.

26. - I'M NOT GONNA LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THIS CAKE.

27. IT'LL BE FINE.

28. NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY WE CELEBRATE

29. WITH SOME FRESHLY HOMEMADE COOKIES AND MILK?

30. FRESHLY HOMEMADE COOKIES.

31. - YEAH, YOU'RE A REAL MASTER CHEF THERE, FRED.

32. - SECRET INGREDIENT IS LOVE.

33. WHAT I NEED FOR THESE COOKIES IS SOME NICE, DELICIOUS MILK.

34. - UH, GROSS.

35. THIS MILK EXPIRED FIVE MONTHS AGO, FRED.

36. - WEIRD.

37. WHERE DOES EXPIRED MILK COME FROM ANYWAY?

38. LIKE, SOME SORT OF EXPIRED COW?

39. - YEAH, EXPIRED MILK COMES FROM EXPIRED COWS.

40. THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE.

41. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

42. - DUH, I'M GONNA DRINK THIS DELICIOUS GLASS OF MILK.

43. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

44. - IT'S SPOILED. IT'LL MAKE YOU SICK.

45. - YEAH, I'M GONNA GET SICK FROM DRINKING MILK.

46. LIKE THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN.

47. AH.

48. WASN'T SO BAD.

49. - TOLD YA.

50. FEEL BETTER.

51. AND REMEMBER, IF YOU LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO THAT CAKE,

52. I WILL MURDER YOU IN YOUR SLEEP.

53. - YOU AREN'T REALLY GONNA LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, ARE YOU?

54. BERTHA!

55. I DON'T FEEL SO WELL.

56. HUH?

57. UH...

58. OH, YEAH, FREDDIE. YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD.

59. - YOU ARE LOOKING GOOD, FRED.

60. - THANKS, FRED. - ANYTIME, BRO.

61. GET A GRIP, FRED.

62. NO ONE'S ACTUALLY THERE.

63. YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE SICK

64. FROM THAT SPOILED MILK, THAT'S ALL.

65. - OKAY, IF I WASN'T REAL, COULD I DO THIS?

66. AND A LITTLE BIT OF THIS, AND THIS, AND...

67. - OKAY, I GET IT. YOU'RE REAL.

68. NOW WHO ARE YOU? - THE NAME'S FREDO,

69. AND I'M HERE TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE WARNING.

70. EXPIRED COW'S COMING.

71. - EXPIRED COW? SO HE DOES EXIST.

72. - AND HE IS NOT HAPPY YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING HIS MILK.

73. SO HE'S COMING TO YOUR HOUSE AT THE STROKE OF 6:00 P.M.

74. TO DESTROY YOUR CAKE.

75. - WHAT CAN I DO?

76. - WELL, IT'S EASY,

77. BECAUSE HE HAS A VERY SIMPLE WEAKNESS,

78. AND THAT WEAKNESS IS...

79. YOU KNOW, I FORGOT.

80. DON'T YOU HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS?

81. LIKE, YOU THINK OF SOMETHING,

82. AND THEN IT'S LIKE, OOH, GOES OUT OF YOUR MIND.

83. WELL, SEE YA.

84. COME BACK, FREDO!

85. WHAT'S HIS WEAKNESS?

86. - I'M GONNA GET THAT CAKE, FRED,

87. AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT.

88. MOO.

89. WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

90. IF ONLY THERE WAS SOMEONE WHO COULD TRAIN ME

91. TO GET READY FOR WHEN THE EXPIRED COW COMES.

92. - I CAN TRAIN YOU.

93. - WHO SAID THAT?

94. A GIANT TALKING COOKIE?

95. NOW I KNOW I'M HALLUCINATING.

96. - COME ON, FRED.

97. IF I WAS A HALLUCINATION, COULD I DO THIS?

98. - OW! - AND THIS?

99. - OW! - AND A LITTLE OF THIS?

100. - OKAY, OKAY.

101. I GET IT. JEEZ.

102. COULD YOU TRAIN ME, MR. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE?

103. - OF COURSE, AND PLEASE, CALL ME STEVE.

104. MR. CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE WAS MY FATHER.

105. - STEVE?

106. NO OFFENSE, BUT THAT'S A WEIRD NAME FOR A COOKIE.

107. - YEAH, I MEAN, YOUR NAME'S FRED FIGGLEHORN,

108. BUT I'M THE ONE WITH THE WEIRD NAME, RIGHT?

109. LOOK, DO YOU WANT ME TO TRAIN YOU OR NOT?

110. - YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT FAST.

111. EXPIRED COW'S GETTING HERE AT 6:00 P.M.

112. - OH, NO, FRED, IT'LL TAKE WEEKS, MONTHS EVEN

113. TO GET YOU TO YOUR PEAK PHYSICAL CONDITION.

114. OR I SUPPOSE WE COULD CONDENSE IT DOWN

115. TO A 30-SECOND TRAINING MONTAGE.

116. - YAY! TRAINING MONTAGE!

117. OW.

118. AH!

119. OW!

120. - OOH.

121. HEY, DON'T YOU QUIT ON ME.

122. WE DID IT.

123. HIGH FIVE.

124. - THAT FIGGLEHORN KID FINALLY LOST HIS MARBLES.

125. WELL, FRED, THAT'S IT.

126. I'VE TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW.

127. - WAIT, YOU'RE NOT GONNA LEAVE ME, ARE YOU?

128. - THIS IS NOT MY BATTLE TO FIGHT.

129. JUST REMEMBER, YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING

130. IF YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

131. - REALLY?

132. - WELL, UNLESS HE'S BETTER THAN YOU.

133. IN THAT CASE, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY

134. YOU'RE GONNA WIN.

135. IT'S GONNA BE BRUTAL. - GEE, THANKS.

136. - OH, SHOOT. IT'S ALMOST 6:00.

137. MY WIFE IS GONNA BE WORRIED SICK ABOUT ME.

138. YOU KNOW, PEOPLE SAID WE WOULDN'T LAST.

139. DEBRA'S AN OATMEAL RAISIN COOKIE, BUT WE MAKE IT WORK.

140. SEE YA LATER, FRED.

141. - WHAT A NICE GUY.

142. WAIT, DID HE SAY IT'S ALMOST 6:00?

143. THE CAKE!

144. - MOO.

145. YOU DRANK MY MILK.

146. NOW PREPARE TO DRINK MY WRATH!

147. - UH, THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE.

148. YOU CAN'T DRINK WRATH.

149. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

150. - WELL, I WAS TRYING TO FIND SOMETHING MEAN TO SAY,

151. AND THAT WAS PRETTY—

152. OH, FORGET IT!

153. I'M GONNA DESTROY YOUR CAKE NOW. - NO, WAIT.

154. I CHALLENGE YOU DO A DUEL. - A DUEL?

155. - YEAH, ME VERSUS YOU,

156. AND IF YOU WIN, YOU CAN DESTROY THIS CAKE.

157. BUT IF I WIN, YOU WILL LEAVE MY HOUSE

158. AND YOU NEVER COME BACK.

159. - WHAT DID YOU HAVE IN MIND?

160. - ONLY THE BEST TEST OF MENTAL AGILITY MAN HAS EVER KNOWN.

161. - CAREFUL WITH THE HOOFS.

162. HAH!

163. - I'M THE BEST BLOCK-STACKER THE WORLD HAS EVER—

164. GAMMIT!

165. CONTORTION. - RIGHT HAND RED.

166. YES! - CHESS?

167. YEAH, I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO PLAY THIS GAME.

168. BREAK-DANCE COMPETITION?

169. ARM WRESTLING?

170. NO LIMIT TEXAS HOLD'EM?

171. - ENOUGH!

172. I WON EVERY GAME.

173. NOW IT'S TIME FOR MY PRIZE.

174. - NO!

175. - NOW WATCH AS I BRING MY HOOF DOWN ON YOUR CAKE

176. IN AN UNNECESSARILY SLOW MANNER.

177. NO!

178. - HEY, FRED, I FOUND OUT WHAT THE EXPIRED COW'S WEAKNESS IS.

179. ISN'T THAT WEIRD HOW THINGS WILL, LIKE,

180. COME TO YOU AND THEN, LIKE, THEY'LL LEAVE YOUR MIND,

181. AND THEN OUT OF THE BLUE,

182. THEY'LL JUST BE, LIKE, SITTING THERE—

183. - FOR THE LOVE OF GAMMIT,

184. JUST TELL ME WHAT HIS WEAKNESS IS, FREDO.

185. - OH, SORRY, MAN. BAD TROMBONE PLAYING.

186. - WELL, I DON'T REALLY SEE HOW THAT HELPS ME.

187. I'M REALLY GOOD AT TROMBONE, SO—

188. - JUST PLAY IT.

189. - NO, NOT BAD TROMBONE PLAYING!

190. AH, IT'S AWFUL!

191. - YEAH, YEAH, DO IT! DO IT, FRED!

192. - ANYTHING BUT BAD TROMBONE!

193. - EXPIRED COW, YOU HAVE BEEN EXPIRED!

194. - GOOD ONE.

195. - THANKS, JUST KIND OF CAME TO ME.

196. - HEY, FRED, NICE JOB, KID.

197. - RIGHT HAND RED.

198. - FRED?

199. - ARE YOU OKAY?

200. - THE CAKE, BERTHA.

201. I MADE SURE NOTHING HAPPENED TO IT.

202. - NICE WORK, FIGGLEHORN.

203. YOU REALLY CAME THROUGH.

204. SORRY I DOUBTED YOU.

205. - THANKS, BERTHA.

206. - NOW LET'S GET THIS BAD BOY

207. TO HOME EC BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.

208. - OH, WELL.

209. GUESS WE'LL JUST HAVE TO GO WITH THE BACKUP CAKE NOW.

210. - YOU MADE A BACKUP CAKE?

211. - WELL, YEAH.

212. I WAS SURE YOU WERE GONNA MESS THINGS UP,

213. SO I WENT HOME LAST NIGHT, AND I MADE A BACKUP CAKE.

214. ALL RIGHT.

215. LET'S GET TO CLASS.

216. - YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I WENT THROUGH FOR THIS CAKE, BERTHA!

217. I LEARNED KARATE FROM A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE!

218. I ARM-WRESTLED THE EXPIRED COW!

219. - FRED, YOU WERE JUST HALLUCINATING

220. FROM DRINKING THE SPOILED MILK.

221. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN EXPIRED COW.

222. MOO.