1. AH, NOTHING LIKE A GREAT NIGHT
OF SLEEP.
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2. I'M NOT DROOLING, AM I?
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3. ANYWAY, I HAVE A LOT PLANNED
FOR TODAY,
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4. SO I PROBABLY SHOULD—
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5. WHY IS THERE A CAMERA
IN MY FACE?
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6. - ZOOM IN ON THE DROOL.
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7. - MOM!
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8. - FRED, MOTHER'S HERE.
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9. SOMETIMES WHEN HE SCREAMS,
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10. THE NEIGHBORS THINK
HE'S A PEACOCK.
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11. - TYPICAL SELFISH,
CHILDLIKE BEHAVIOR.
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12. - BUT I AM A CHILD?
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13. AND WHO ARE YOU?
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14. - I AM ULTRA MOMMA.
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15. STAR OF THE REALITY HIT SHOW
ULTRA MOMMA.
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16. PERHAPS YOU HAVE SEEN
MY COMMERCIAL?
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17. - WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK
TO ULTIMATE CAGE FIGHTING
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18. AFTER A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.
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19. - SO YOUR CHILD HAS
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20. AN OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION,
THEN, EH?
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21. IS HE RUNNING AROUND THE ROOM
WILDLY RIGHT NOW?
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22. WELL, THEN CALL ME, ULTRA MOMMA.
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23. AND I'LL STRAIGHTEN
YOUR WRETCHED CHILD RIGHT OUT.
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24. IT'S ALWAYS THEIR FAULT
AND NEVER YOUR FAULT, EH?
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25. - OOH, YEAH, YEAH, WHOO, YEAH.
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26. SHAKE IT DOWN.
BRING IT UP.
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27. - FRED, GIVE ME THE PHONE.
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28. - SO THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED
THE PHONE.
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29. - YES, AND I'M HERE TO PROVE
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30. THAT YOU'RE A BAD, BAD, VERY BAD
YOUNG BOY, FREDERICK.
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31. - WHO'S FREDERICK?
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32. - NOT TO WORRY.
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33. I'M SURE TO WHIP YOU INTO SHAPE
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34. AS I HAVE MILLIONS OF OTHER
LITTLE BRATS AROUND THE GLOBE.
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35. - UH, THANKS?
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36. - IT'S ALL FOR THE BEST,
FRED...
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37. RICK.
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38. - NOW, HILDA, IN ORDER FOR ME
TO WORK MY ULTRA MOMMA MAGIC
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39. ON YOUR OUT-OF-CONTROL
OFFSPRING,
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40. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT FREDERICK'S
BIGGEST PROBLEM AREA IS.
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41. - WELL, HANDS DOWN, IT'S THAT
OVERACTIVE IMAGINATION OF HIS.
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42. HE'S ALWAYS LETTING IT RUN WILD.
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43. SEE? LOOK AT HIM.
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44. HE'S IMAGINING HIS IMAGINATION
RUNNING WILD RIGHT NOW.
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45. - JUST DREADFUL.
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46. I KNEW SOMEONE THAT IMAGINED
SOMETHING ONCE BACK IN CANADA,
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47. AND NOW THEY'RE TALKING
TO PIGEONS IN THE PARK.
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48. - I DO THAT.
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49. - YOU CALLED ME NOT A MOMENT
TOO SOON.
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50. LET'S GET STARTED.
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51. SHOW ME YOUR NORMAL MORNING
ROUTINE.
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52. - OKAY, SURE.
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53. FRED!
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54. FRED, EAT YOUR BREAKFAST.
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55. PLEASE.
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56. - HUH. MOM.
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57. - FRED, GET DRESSED.
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58. PLEASE.
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59. - ALL RIGHT, HILDA.
HERE'S THE SITUATION.
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60. FRED IS SINGING INTO A MIRROR.
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61. AND BY MY CALCULATION,
SCHOOL STARTED TEN MINUTES AGO.
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62. SHOW ME HOW YOU WOULD—
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63. - FRED, GO TO SCHOOL!
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64. - OKAY.
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65. - PLEASE.
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66. - I'M BEGINNING TO SENSE
A PATTERN.
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67. PERHAPS I SHOULD FOLLOW MOTHER
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68. THE REST OF THE DAY.
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69. ONCE AGAIN, MOTHER IS LEFT
TO CLEAN UP
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70. HER PROBLEM CHILD'S MESS.
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71. - JACKPOT.
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72. THIS IS GOING
RIGHT IN HIS COLLEGE FUND.
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73. RIGHT AFTER I DOUBLE IT
AT THE TRACK.
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74. OH, NOT THIS GUY AGAIN.
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75. WHAT DO YOU WANT FRED?
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76. YOU FORGOT YOUR WHAT?
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77. - THERE IS NO REST FOR MOTHER
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78. AS SHE MUCH NOW DEAL
WITH A CRISIS
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79. THAT YOUNG FREDERICK HAS
UNDOUBTEDLY CAUSED AT SCHOOL.
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80. - IT'S HOW MUCH
OF YOUR FINAL GRADE?
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81. WOW.
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82. THAT IS A LOT.
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83. - MOM? ARE YOU THERE?
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84. MOM? HELLO?
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85. - CUT.
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86. DON'T WASTE ANY MORE FILM.
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87. - MOM, I'M HOME!
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88. THE BEST THING HAPPENED TO ME
AT SCHOOL TODAY!
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89. I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU
ALL ABOUT IT!
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90. - HUH? WHA—
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91. - AH, LET'S OBSERVE
THE DELICATE BALANCE
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92. WHICH MOTHER HANDLES
POTENTIALLY GOOD NEWS
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93. FROM HER TROUBLED CHILD.
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94. - WELL, WHEN YOU FELL ASLEEP
ON THE PHONE
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95. WHEN I LOST MY PROJECT,
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96. BERTHA FOUND SOMETHING
JUST LIKE IT
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97. IN THE LOST-AND-FOUND.
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98. - WHAT TIME IS IT?
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99. OH, I'M LATE.
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100. - WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
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101. - OUT.
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102. - WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK?
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103. - LATER.
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104. OH, I MEAN, AFTER YOU FINISH
YOUR HOMEWORK
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105. AND BRUSH YOUR TEETH
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106. AND GO NIGHTY-NIGHTS.
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107. NOW, THAT'S PARENTING.
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108. - FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER
IN ALL OF MY CASES,
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109. IT APPEARS THAT IT'S THE MOTHER,
NOT THE CHILD,
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110. THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
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111. CUT.
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112. BOYS, I THINK
WE JUST STUMBLED UPON
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113. THAT VERY SPECIAL EPISODE
OF ULTRA MOMMA
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114. WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR.
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115. AND WHEN I'M DONE WITH HER,
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116. HILDA FIGGLEHORN WILL BE EXPOSED
AS THE WORST MOM IN AMERICA.
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117. - DID YOU HEAR THAT LADY?
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118. MY MOM IS NOT THE WORST MOM
IN AMERICA.
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119. I CAN THINK OF AT LEAST THREE
OTHERS THAT ARE WORSE THAN HER.
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120. SHE MIGHT NOT EVEN BE
IN THE TOP FIVE.
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121. OR IS THAT THE BOTTOM FIVE?
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122. ANYWAY, I CANNOT LET THAT LADY
WHO LOVES BOOTS
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123. AND THE LETTER "A" SO MUCH
MAKE MY MOM LOOK BAD.
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124. IT'S UP TO ME TO MAKE MY MOM
LOOK GOOD.
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125. HOW HARD CAN THAT BE?
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126. - AND ROLLING.
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127. - THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE SCARED ABOUT.
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128. THIS IS YOUR CONFESSIONAL TIME.
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129. IT'S LIKE A VIDEO DIARY, EH?
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130. JUST TALK RIGHT INTO CAMERA
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131. AND TELL US ALL YOUR FEELINGS.
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132. - HEY.
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133. I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
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134. CAN YOU BELIEVE THESE PEOPLE?
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135. THEY WANT ME TO TALK
INTO THEIR CAMERA
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136. LIKE THERE'S SOMEONE THERE
LISTENING.
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137. HOW CAN I DO THAT?
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138. IT'S SO WEIRD.
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139. WOW, MY MOM MADE ME
A FIVE-COURSE BREAKFAST?
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140. AW, SHE'S THE BEST MOM EVER.
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141. - OH, WHAT?
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142. OH, YEAH. FOOD.
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143. I THINK I'M GONNA EAT THIS
IN MY BED.
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144. MMM.
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145. - OH, MY GOSH.
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146. MOM CLEANED MY ROOM
AND MADE IT LOOK SPOTLESS.
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147. SHE'S THE BEST.
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148. - FRED, I NEED TO BORROW
YOUR COMFORTER.
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149. MINE HAS FOOD STAINS ON IT
FROM THAT BREAKFAST YOU MADE ME.
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150. NICE GOING.
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151. HEY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ROOM?
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152. - IF THERE'S ONE THING
I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON,
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153. IT'S MY MOM COMING TO MY RESCUE.
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154. THIS'LL SHOW THEM.
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155. MOM! HELP!
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156. YOUR SON IS IN TROUBLE
AND HE NEEDS YOU TO RESCUE HIM!
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157. - OH, MY GOSH.
FREDDIE, WAIT.
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158. THIS IS INTERNET GOLD.
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159. IF THIS DOESN'T GET ME
A MILLION HITS,
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160. I DON'T KNOW WHAT WILL.
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161. - AW, GAMMIT!
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162. - GAMMIT!
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163. - OH, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
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164. I TRIED EVERYTHING TO MAKE
MY MOM LOOK GOOD,
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165. AND NOTHING'S WORKING.
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166. IF SHE SCREWS UP DINNER TONIGHT,
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167. ULTRA MOMMA IS GONNA CALL HER
THE WORST MOM EVER.
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168. - FREDDIE, DINNER.
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169. - OH, CLASSIC MOM,
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170. SERVING A FROZEN DINNER
STILL FROZEN.
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171. THAT JOKE NEVER GETS OLD.
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172. - HILDA, IT'S TIME
FOR MY ULTRA LESSON.
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173. YOU READY TO HEAR IT?
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174. - ME? ASK FREDDIE.
IT'S HIS LESSON.
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175. I'M GONNA WATCH
ULTIMATE CAGE FIGHTING.
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176. OOH, THAT'S GOT TO HURT.
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177. OH, YEAH. OOH, YEAH.
THAT DOESN'T GROW BACK.
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178. ELECTRIC, FLIP HIM.
COME ON, BLOODHOUND.
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179. STICK HIM IN THE DOG POUND.
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180. - WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS WOMAN?
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181. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT
SHE'S ABOUT.
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182. SHE'S THE WORST
WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN, EH.
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183. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
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184. JUST LIVING WITH HER
IS TURNING ME INTO A FREAK.
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185. LIKE... LIKE...
LIKE HIM.
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186. - HEY, MY SON MAY BE
A LOT OF THINGS,
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187. BUT HE'S NOT A FREAK.
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188. FREDDIE, WE'RE DONE FILMING.
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189. UNPLUG.
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190. - DO NOT PULL OUT THOSE CORDS,
YOU WRETCHED LITTLE—
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191. - HEY!
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192. - NOBODY LAYS THEIR HANDS
ON MY SON BUT ME.
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193. YOU'RE OUT OF HERE, SON.
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194. COME ON, ULTRA MOM.
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195. BRING IT ON.
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196. - BRING IT, EH?
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197. - YEAH, MOM.
THROW HER IN THE DOG POUND.
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198. - WHO'S THE ULTRA MOMMA NOW,
EH?
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199. - HA, YOU GOT
YOUR A-BOOT KICKED.
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200. HA!
GO, MOM.
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201. WOW, WATCHING ALL THAT
ULTIMATE CAGE FIGHTING
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202. REALLY PAID OFF, MOM.
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203. - IT SURE DID, FREDDIE.
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204. I'M JUST SORRY I CALLED
ULTRA MOMMA IN THE FIRST PLACE.
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205. - AND I'M SORRY I LET MY
IMAGINATION RUN WILD SOMETIMES.
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206. - OH, FREDDIE, YOU LET
YOUR IMAGINATION RUN WILD
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207. AS A WILDEBEEST.
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208. WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE,
I USED TO—
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209. YOU'RE DOING IT AGAIN,
AREN'T YOU, FREDDIE?
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210. FRED?
FREDDIE?
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211. THAT'S MY BOY.
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