Freaks and Geeks 1x3

1. All right. Here's the bet.

2. For 10 bucks...

3. I'll drink this much of anything.

4. Anything?

5. Anything.

6. As long as it's something you can eat.

7. Okay? Only stuff from the kitchen.

8. Nothing from the bathroom and nothing from the garage.

9. Okay.

10. And it has to be food, okay?

11. Nothing from under the sink.

12. Okay? No cleansers, no detergent.

13. No furniture polish, and no cut up bits of sponge.

14. Okay.

15. I'm just trying to win ten bucks here.

16. I don't wanna die.

17. All right, now put on...

18. The blindfold.

19. I don't want to mess up my hair.

20. All right, and now step into the soundproof booth.

21. I'm trusting you guys.

22. Okay, put in some mustard and some ipecac.

23. It'll make him barf.

24. Don't make him barf! My mom cooks dinner in here!

25. If we're not trying to make him barf,

26. then why are we doing this?

27. I can hear everything you guys are saying.

28. Come on, Bill!

29. Quit listening!

30. I can't help it.

31. Then hum so you can't hear us.

32. Cayenne pepper.

33. Ooh! Good one!

34. Pass me the pickle juice.

35. You know, my cousin

36. once drank an entire jar of pickle juice.

37. He had to sit on the toilet for ten hours.

38. Oh, god, that's nasty!

39. Oh, this is gonna be great.

40. Salt...

41. Sardines...

42. Aw! That's disgusting.

43. Oh, man!

44. Vinegar! Mmm.

45. - Wait, wait... - Vinegar!

46. Soy sauce.

47. Soy sauce!

48. Chili!

49. For texture.

50. - That's disgusting! - Exactly.

51. And just a little bit of jelly.

52. Some dairy creamer.

53. And to top it all off...

54. A couple of afterdinner mints.

55. All right.

56. - Now mix it up. - All right.

57. Oh, god!

58. Oh, it's bubbling.

59. That's disgusting!

60. All right.

61. Ouch!

62. It's showtime!

63. Let me see the money first.

64. Come on, drink up already.

65. Don't rush me.

66. Eww!

67. It's not bad.

68. Eww! Oh, come on!

69. It's making me sick!

70. Hey, look! Maplefarm Realty

71. gave everyone in the neighborhood free pumpkins!

72. Wasn't that nice?

73. Well, there's nothing nice about it.

74. It's a cheap way to get customers.

75. They give you a 20 cent pumpkin,

76. you give them ten grand to sell the house.

77. Some deal.

78. Well, I just think it was nice.

79. Ooh.

80. Hey, can I have the prize?

81. My bowl... my prize.

82. Come on.

83. Sam, what are you trying to do, kill me?

84. Sorry.

85. Hey, Sammy, what are you going out as for Halloween?

86. I-I'm not going out.

87. Bill and I are gonna see "The Nude Bomb" at Parkway.

88. Hey, that's a dirty movie.

89. Dad, it's the "Get Smart" movie.

90. Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait.

91. You're not going trick or treating?

92. Mom! I-I'm in ninth grade!

93. I know, but you went out last year.

94. Yeah, well, last year I was in junior high.

95. Yeah, but Sam...

96. Honey, the boy's 14 now.

97. He can miss a night of walking around the neighborhood

98. beggin' like a tramp.

99. Halloween's for little kids anyway.

100. Hey, Lindsay, you're still gonna hand out candy

101. with me, aren't you?

102. Remember how much fun we had last year

103. looking at all the little kids in their costumes?

104. Yeah, Mom. I told you I was going to.

105. Well, good.

106. 'Cause we're gonna have a really good time this year,

107. I promise.

108. Hey, Lindsay.

109. Long time no see.

110. I saw you out here yesterday.

111. Why are you wearing a hat?

112. It's the day before Halloween.

113. Is that your costume?

114. It kinda sucks.

115. No, it's Devil's Day.

116. Each year, the seniors bring in hair removal foam

117. and spray it on freshmen's heads,

118. then all your hair falls out.

119. - Really? - No.

120. That stupid rumor's been around for years.

121. Yeah, I know. I was just goofin' on 'em.

122. No, you weren't!

123. Yes, I was.

124. - Hey, Lindsay. - Hey, Millie.

125. What are you doing tomorrow night?

126. My church is having a Halloween dance.

127. You wanna come?

128. Oh. Well, I would go,

129. but I gotta hand out candy with my mom.

130. Oh. Okay.

131. Do you want some Lik-M-Aid?

132. No. You're gonna eat candy now?

133. Millie, it's 7:30 in the morning.

134. It's just Lik-M-Aid.

135. It makes my spit taste like fruit juice.

136. Hey, check it out. It's Lindsay.

137. Hey, Lindsay.

138. What's up?

139. Hey, Daniel.

140. Hey, Kim.

141. Hello, Brain.

142. So this is your bus stop?

143. Yeah.

144. We've had the same bus stop since kindergarten.

145. How fast does your car go?

146. 150, if I hook up the nitrous tank.

147. Your car is really loud.

148. My dad says you need a muffler.

149. Once he even threw a rock at you when you drove by.

150. But I guess you didn't hear it.

151. He threw a rock at me?

152. Hey, kid, what the hell are you eating?

153. Is that laundry soap?

154. It's Lik-M-Aid. Want some?

155. Millie...

156. Um, I'll pass.

157. Uh, yeah. We gotta get goin'.

158. I'd give you a ride, Linds,

159. but I got an engine block in the backseat.

160. Yeah.

161. Mmm!

162. Thanks for the candy, skinny.

163. See? My dad's right.

164. He needs a muffler.

165. So are you guys going to Sara's party tomorrow night?

166. Yeah, but I think I'm going to Jim's first.

167. Hey!

168. If it isn't the Amelia Earhart of McKinley High.

169. What does that mean?

170. Well, you head to class, but you never seem to get there.

171. Mr. Rosso, could you not humiliate me

172. in front of the whole school?

173. Come on, Lindsay, don't turn me into the man here.

174. I'm just trying to help you.

175. And if, when you graduate, it turns out I did help you

176. but you hate me, I'm okay with that.

177. I gotta get to class.

178. See? It's workin' already.

179. Embarrassing.

180. That's the only word I can think of

181. to describe these books

182. you've chosen to do your reports on.

183. "Al Jaffee's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions."

184. The novelization of "Star Wars."

185. "Yes, I Can,"

186. the autobiography of Sammy Davis, Jr.

187. Uh...

188. "Crime and Punishment" is a good example

189. of the kind of book you should be reading now.

190. In it, Fyodor Dostoevsky was attempting to create

191. what some would call an existential enigma...

192. a protagonist who was both a nihilist

193. and a moralist.

194. Now, I know this sounds confusing to you all,

195. but soon you'll all know what I'm talking about,

196. because I expect you to have the first half

197. of this book read by Monday.

198. It's time to grow up, people.

199. - You like that? - No.

200. - Does it get you hot? - Would you knock it off?

201. You're making me sick.

202. Hey, why don't you make out with Nicky there

203. and we'll call it a foursome?

204. Yeah, and why don't you make out with my butt

205. and we'll call it love?

206. Hey, you guys, be cool. The narc's here.

207. Yeah. Watch out, or I'll bust you.

208. Hey, man, I ain't joking.

209. I heard about what you did to Brian Stoker.

210. Saw him smoking a "j" outside the quick fill

211. and went inside and told some cops?

212. Brian's in prison now, man,

213. and I heard his brother's looking for you.

214. What? I didn't do that.

215. Yeah. I know.

216. I was just messing with you.

217. She got me with that same joke last week.

218. It's kinda funny though.

219. Hilarious.

220. Um, hey, what are you doin' for Halloween?

221. Oh, I have to hand out candy with my mom.

222. I know, it... sounds really dorky.

223. - Um, she gets really into it. - Oh, Lindsay.

224. I don't think that sounds dorky at all.

225. You know what? At least she's bein' nice.

226. Just because you hate your mother

227. doesn't mean that everybody else does, okay?

228. No, everybody hates her mother.

229. Well, what are you guys doing?

230. Oh, well, uh, Kim, Nick and I are goin' out.

231. We're borrowing my uncle's bigass Caddy, and...

232. We thought maybe you'd like to come with us.

233. Oh, you mean like a... double date?

234. If that's what you need to call it

235. in your diary, princess.

236. I can't.

237. Your loss.

238. Oh, the bell. Let's not be late for class.

239. Yeah, right.

240. Hey, Lindsay...

241. I-You know, I think it's- I think it's nice

242. that you're helping your mom hand out candy.

243. So I'll see you later.

244. Yeah.

245. See you later.

246. This is gonna take, like, a trillion years to read.

247. I don't even know what it's about.

248. Whitman said it's about an ax murderer.

249. That sounds kinda cool.

250. I guarantee you it's not gonna be cool.

251. I mean, look how small the printing is.

252. Uh, perhaps you've never heard

253. of a little thing called CliffsNotes?

254. You still have to read them.

255. Whitman is such a jerk! You know?

256. She says you have to be young adults.

257. We're not adults.

258. We're kids until we turn 18.

259. Whoa, whoa.

260. Maybe you are, but when I hit 13, I became a man.

261. That's only in your temple, Neal, not in the real world.

262. Hey!

263. We should go trick or treating tomorrow night.

264. In case you haven't noticed, we're a little old.

265. No, we're not, okay?

266. We went trick or treating last year.

267. Come on, let's go out tomorrow night.

268. No way, I'm going to the JC's haunted house.

269. The Hot Dog on a Stick girls from the mall are workin' it.

270. - The tall ones? - Yeah.

271. Judy.

272. - They're hot. - Okay.

273. - Judy! - Tootie, tootie!

274. All right, then why don't we

275. go trick or treating before that?

276. Why don't we just go buy candy?

277. Oh, yeah, that's really fun.

278. Come on! It'll be a blast.

279. It's better than sitting at home

280. reading some stupid Russian book.

281. Sure.

282. Okay, yeah, I-

283. yeah, I guess I could you know, we

284. yeah, I guess so.

285. I don't know.

286. You're never gonna dress up as Groucho again?

287. Well that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!

288. Groucho sucks.

289. Tommy!

290. Honey.

291. Lindsay!

292. Hey, Lindsay.

293. What's up?

294. Millie, who is that?

295. Who?

296. Millie!

297. Man, you weren't supposed to see.

298. That's Tommy, my secret love.

299. We met this summer at church camp.

300. You have a boyfriend?

301. Lindsay, you've gotta keep this a secret.

302. I mean, Tommy and I don't even French kiss yet.

303. Tommy says that if you do before you've been going out

304. for six months, you go to Hell.

305. Why didn't you tell me?

306. I didn't want to make you feel bad...

307. Since you don't have a boyfriend and all.

308. Come on, no way!

309. I'm telling you, man. It's true.

310. When I heard him play at Coble Hall, guy was amazing.

311. Whoa, whoa, so hold on a second.

312. What?

313. So they're called Santana, right?

314. - Yeah. - But that guy who's singing...

315. Is not Santana?

316. No, Santana's the guitar player.

317. Then how did he get them to name the band after him?

318. I don't know, man.

319. Maybe he's just a badass.

320. If that's true, that's amazing.

321. Hey, maybe we should name our band "Desario."

322. Hey!

323. I'm going out with you guys tomorrow night.

324. Hey! Hey, that's great!

325. Yeah, but what about your mom?

326. How's she gonna hand out candy all by herself?

327. Well, she'll survive.

328. Well, well, well.

329. He did the mash

330. He did the monster mash

331. It was a smash

332. It was a graveyard smash

333. right?

334. Hey Mom,

335. Neal, Bill, and I decided

336. to go trick or treating tomorrow night.

337. Oh, Sam, that's great! We have to get you a costume.

338. No, I'm gonna make my own. I'm going out as Gort.

339. He's the robot from "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

340. Ooh, Gort! How exciting!

341. Sam, what are you doing?

342. You're too old to go out trick or treating.

343. Oh, Harold, stop.

344. Well, it's true!

345. There was this kid in my neighborhood

346. when I was growing up,

347. Scott Byron.

348. Now, he kept on trick or treating

349. until he was well into his 20s.

350. You know where he's living now?

351. At home, with his 90-year-old mother.

352. He's the laughingstock of the community.

353. Never took a wife, either.

354. I don't think there's anything wrong

355. with acting like a kid every once in a while.

356. I know Lindsay and I

357. are gonna have a great time tomorrow night,

358. aren't we, sweetie?

359. Yeah, Mom, we sure are.

360. He did the mash

361. He did the monster mash

362. It was a smash

363. It was a graveyard smash

364. Then Bill and I will come by your place.

365. And bring pillowcases. No grocery bags.

366. If your bag rips, you're on your own.

367. I'm gonna bring my plastic pumpkin.

368. Ugh, don't bring that. It gets full after one street.

369. Not if I eat the candy as we go.

370. Last time you did that, you puked

371. before we got past our bus stop.

372. Hey, guys, I heard you were going out

373. for trick or treats tonight.

374. How did you find out about that?

375. Word gets out. People talk.

376. You gotta be especially careful, though.

377. The halloween candy's gonna be really dangerous this year.

378. They say that every year.

379. Yeah, but this year there's a bunch of evil hippies

380. who don't want Reagan to be president,

381. so to disrupt the election,

382. they're going to inject the candy with heroin

383. - and turn kids into addicts. - That's not true.

384. You just have to watch out for pins and razor blades.

385. Yeah, and rat hair's a big one.

386. You're gonna find yourself wishing for rat hair.

387. Word on the street is they're putting a poo

388. in funsized candy bar wrappers and handing those out.

389. I love funsized candy bars.

390. Oh, that's stupid.

391. Like nobody'd be able to tell what it really was.

392. They dip it in chocolate first

393. so you can't tell the difference until it's too late.

394. See ya.

395. Actually, it sounds kinda fun.

396. Do you mind if I come with you guys?

397. Mom?

398. In the kitchen!

399. Hey, Lindsay, where have you been?

400. You're gonna miss the first trick or treaters.

401. You know the cutest ones always come early.

402. Yeah, well, I was hanging out with my friends.

403. Lndsay, Looah! Ow.

404. Look at what we're gonna hand out this year.

405. Halloween cookies!

406. That's great, Mom.

407. What's up with all the cookies?

408. Hey, Sam, I laid your robot costume out on your bed.

409. You didn't rip it, did you?

410. No, but I wrote, "My son's the cutest boy

411. in the whole world" on the front of it.

412. Lindsay, I got you a costume. Go put it on, sweetie.

413. I'm gonna put these cookies by the door.

414. We are gonna have so much fun!

415. Mwah! Mwah!

416. I kinda hate when Mom gets goofy like that.

417. Hmm.

418. Lookin' for Chaplin,

419. I'm only seeing Hitler.

420. If I were the bionic woman...

421. What would I wear?

422. This is ridiculous.

423. I look like Tom Selleck!

424. Mom!

425. I'm sorry, Steve Austin, I can't marry you.

426. I'm mad at you right now.

427. What?

428. I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

429. Hold on, I'm gonna put the phone on my bionic ear.

430. That's-that's better.

431. No, don't talk so loud!

432. Don't forget, I've got bionic hearing.

433. No, these are not bionic.

434. These are all me.

435. Oh, I heard that crack, pal.

436. Oh-oh, it wasn't you?

437. Oh, okay, I guess I'll just

438. doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo...

439. Oscar Goldman, it's me, Jaime Sommers.

440. Steve Austin is trapped in the-in the reacting, uh...

441. Hi, Mom. Okay. You can use the phone.

442. Oh. Hey, Lindsay,

443. hurry up, honey.

444. Our first little visitors are here!

445. Linds?

446. Oh! Oh.

447. Oh, my...

448. What an... interesting costume.

449. Oh, wa-

450. here you go.

451. All right, happy Halloween.

452. Do you-do you want another cookie?

453. Okay.

454. I'm, uh, I'm here to go out

455. for trick or treats tonight with Sam.

456. Oh, you're one of Sam's frien-

457. I am so sorry. Come on in.

458. My gosh!

459. Sorry.

460. Nice costume.

461. You look like Richard Benjamin in "Westworld."

462. Say, don't you look nice?

463. What in the hell are you supposed to be?

464. I'm a guy with a knife through his head.

465. Oh. Well... Mission accomplished.

466. Hey, Mom!

467. Mom, I gotta talk to you.

468. Get your costume on, honey.

469. The trick or treaters are here!

470. - No, Mom- - Oh!

471. Trick or treat, smell our feet,

472. give us something good to eat.

473. If you...

474. You guys are both great.

475. Come on in! Get in here!

476. Wow, Harris, that looks really real.

477. How do you know it isn't?

478. Oh!

479. If I held you any closer, I'd be in back of ya.

480. Hey, cut that out!

481. You know, Bill, you look really lovely.

482. I'm Jaime Sommers, the bionic woman.

483. Oh, of course you are!

484. What was that?

485. Mom...

486. I'm gonna go hang out with my friends a little bit, okay?

487. - I'll be back. - Wait, Lindsay-

488. - Mom, I'll be back! - Sweetie, wait!

489. Come on, Lindsay. Let's go.

490. Um, you have any fake blood around here?

491. Sort of wanna freshen up my wound before we go out.

492. What?

493. She did what?

494. She said it was only gonna be for a little while.

495. She'll be back.

496. I know she was really looking forward to this.

497. That's all I can say.

498. That daughter of yours is on thin ice.

499. Until she gets back, would you put this on

500. and help me pass out cookies?

501. Oh, for crying out loud.

502. Whoo!

503. Don't fall out.

504. Boo.

505. His plans fell through, you know?

506. I'm sorry.

507. She's a roller

508. a high roller, baby

509. Will you knock it off, blondie?

510. You're gonna blow the speakers.

511. Oh, I'm sorry, grandpa,

512. I'll try not to blow anything of yours from now on.

513. Hey, what are we gonna do?

514. There's this haunted house

515. that's supposed to be really scary.

516. Yeah, hey, that could be kind of fun, right?

517. For who, losers?

518. Hey, shut up.

519. I like haunted houses.

520. I rest my case.

521. I don't know, listen.

522. We're gonna just drive around,

523. see where the night takes us.

524. Is that cool with you?

525. Lindsay?

526. Yeah.

527. I'm up for anything.

528. Right on, kid.

529. Hey, I'm really glad that you decided to come.

530. Thanks.

531. So am I.

532. You two are adorable.

533. Mom, look.

534. Jessica, come on. don't stare.

535. It's not polite.

536. Why is everybody staring at me?

537. I mean, you'd think they never saw "The Bionic Woman" before.

538. They just probably didn't know she was so hot in real life.

539. You- are you- are you joking?

540. You're joking, right?

541. You know, I saw the real Jaime Sommers

542. at the auto show last year.

543. Her boobs weren't that big.

544. Hey, we should go to the rich neighborhood first.

545. They hand out the best candy.

546. That's not true.

547. Rich people traditionally give out the cheapest candy.

548. It's how they stay rich.

549. I just hope I get some candy I can eat.

550. Yeah, I'm allergic to peanuts, licorice, and nougat.

551. How can you possibly be allergic to nougat?

552. I don't- I don't know.

553. Uh, my doctor says I'm allergic to more things

554. than anyone he's ever seen.

555. Then I got dibs on all your malt balls.

556. You can have 'em.

557. I like Pixy Stix.

558. - Pixy Stix rule. - No way.

559. Chunkys are the best.

560. Uh-uh. Candy corn, my friend.

561. I must admit, I'm a wax lips man myself.

562. Trick or treat!

563. Why, you're the cutest things!

564. Hey, Harold, come look!

565. Raah!

566. Oh, kids! I was just kidding!

567. I'm not really a vampire.

568. I own a sporting goods store.

569. Hey? What's the big idea, scaring my kids?

570. I-I didn't mean to.

571. No, I-I'm sorry. I made him put this on.

572. Here, give these to your children.

573. They're homemade.

574. Are you crazy?

575. I've been lecturing my kids for weeks

576. not to take unwrapped candy.

577. Those cookies could have razor blades or pins in them.

578. I-I wouldn't do that.

579. Come on, cowgirl, enough of this kid stuff.

580. Let's head out to the barn and I'll give you

581. a real good roll in the hay.

582. Oh, Harold, not now.

583. When?

584. I mean, think about it.

585. All the people in this town are real religious,

586. but just 'cause it's Halloween,

587. they'll hang pictures of devils, witches, ghosts

588. all over their houses.

589. It's a joke.

590. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

591. It's total white, middleclass hypocrisy.

592. - Right. - Yeah, right, exactly.

593. You wanna know what I think about it?

594. That's lovely, you know.

595. Your years in charm school have really paid off.

596. By the way, how are things going at ass school?

597. Getting all "A's.

598. Oh.

599. Hey, you know where we should go?

600. We could go to the movies.

601. There's a new "Friday the 13th" playing.

602. God, Brain! Why are you so hung up

603. about doing something?

604. What? Are we boring to you?

605. No, what are you talking about?

606. We should do something.

607. We can't just drive around all night, man.

608. Hey, man, we ain't gonna just drive around.

609. It is Halloween.

610. We are...

611. gonna raise hell

612. gonna raise hell, gonna raise hell

613. Trick or treat!

614. - Okay. - Yeah.

615. What do you want?

616. Uh... Trick or treat.

617. Aren't you guys a little old for this?

618. We're only freshmen in high school.

619. High school? That's too old.

620. We're young at heart.

621. Ooh, circus peanuts.

622. What the hell are you supposed to be anyway?

623. The Tin Man?

624. I'm- I'm Gort.

625. He's the robot from "The Day the Earth Stood Still."

626. You look like the fricking Tin Man.

627. Uh, ma'am...

628. I hope there aren't any peanuts in these peanuts,

629. 'cause if there are, I could die.

630. Good night.

631. These are so cute.

632. But, you know, Jean, they train the kids

633. not to take unwrapped foodstuffs.

634. You should see all the parents

635. who are dumping the cookies on your lawn.

636. They're all covered with ants.

637. What?

638. Well, happy Halloween.

639. I give up.

640. Harold, run up to Farmer Jack and buy some candy.

641. What? Dressed like this?

642. All right.

643. Don't answer the door till I get back.

644. Stupid kids' holiday.

645. I say we make Lindsay do it.

646. No, I'm going in.

647. Hey, no, no, man. Let me do it, all right?

648. - Okay. - All right.

649. Hey, relax.

650. It's Halloween.

651. We're supposed to do this stuff.

652. Whoo!

653. - Whoo! - Oh!

654. Oh, man. That is so uncool.

655. I can't believe we just did that.

656. Yes, congratulations to us all, indeed.

657. I'm so happy I'm not at the Ted Nugent concert.

658. Go.

659. - Come on. - Go ahead, Linds.

660. - Go. - You can do it.

661. Come on, you'll be fine.

662. - Jeez. - Go.

663. Come on, what are you doing?

664. Oh, my...

665. - She's so- - Oh, my god.

666. - Come on! - Come on, Lindsay!

667. Happy Halloween.

668. This one's for you.

669. Oh, look. It's fun-sized.

670. Mm-hmm.

671. You guys having a good time?

672. - Yeah. - Yeah.

673. Happy Halloween.

674. Um, thank you.

675. Uh, I'll eat it- I'll eat it later.

676. Whoo! Whoo!

677. You look too good to me

678. Your beady eyes

679. They cut me in two

680. And I just can't let you be

681. Well it's a free-for-all

682. And I heard it said

683. You can bet your life

684. The stakes are high And so am I

685. It's in the air tonight

686. It's a free-for-all

687. Batter up, baby!

688. Watch it, baby!

689. It's a free-for-all

690. Yeah, it's a free-for-all

691. All right, there it is. Go for it, Weir.

692. - Do it already. - It's coming up.

693. - Do it. - Okay, okay.

694. Whoo! Whoo!

695. Great. Thanks a lot.

696. I can't believe this.

697. I can't believe the Hot Dog on a Stick girls saw us.

698. That's months of groundwork down the drain.

699. Like they'd ever go out with you.

700. Hey, shut up. They like me.

701. They always give me free lemonade refills.

702. Well, well, well.

703. If it isn't the geek patrol.

704. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

705. Oh, my god.

706. Hey, Alan. What's up?

707. I don't know whose ass I want to kick first.

708. You better watch out, Alan.

709. We kicked your ass once, we'll kick it again.

710. I don't think so.

711. That was three against one.

712. Now we got us a fair fight.

713. It's time to settle the score.

714. Oh, yeah.

715. No, no, no. I got it. I got it.

716. Let's go soap the school's windows.

717. No, look, I say it's time we get down

718. to some serious damage.

719. Kenneth?

720. Breakfast, anyone?

721. Oh, my goodness.

722. We don't want to fight you, Alan.

723. You don't have to.

724. Just give us your candy and you're free to go.

725. Okay, here.

726. Now you, dork.

727. Forget it.

728. We went through a lot for this.

729. Shut your mouth, you little girl!

730. I'm not a little girl. I'm a- bionic woman!

731. Yeah? Prove it.

732. No, cut it out. Stop.

733. Just take the candy. This is my grandpa's coat.

734. Ow. I fell on my knife.

735. Come on, let's get out of here.

736. That's it. That is it!

737. This is all your fault.

738. I never should have let you talk me into this.

739. I didn't talk you into anything.

740. Oh, well, it sure as hell wasn't my idea.

741. Oh, yeah, you're too cool getting free lemonade refills.

742. Guys! Let's just stick to the plan.

743. Is this thing on straight?

744. - Dig in, children. - Awesome.

745. - Thank you. - You enjoy it.

746. All right, jackpot. Jackpot. Come on.

747. - All right, where? - Ready? Over there!

748. Where?

749. You're such a little baby.

750. You have to have your little baby's evening.

751. Oh, yeah, and going to some stupid haunted house

752. - is that much better. - Yeah, and you're stupid.

753. - Takes one to know one. - Yeah, well, you are one.

754. Enough, guys. Come on.

755. My bra's chafing. Let's get home.

756. Where? I can't see.

757. - Kim, you're blocking my view. - Incoming!

758. Now!

759. Awesome, man! That was so awesome!

760. Nailed 'em, baby, Nailed 'em.

761. - That was amazing. - What?

762. - Oh, my god. - What?

763. We just egged my little brother.

764. Oh, my god.

765. Oh, my god.

766. Wait, stop the car.

767. It's just eggs. He'll be fine.

768. No, stop the car. Please, Daniel.

769. Will you just take it easy? Take it easy.

770. Let me out of the car!

771. Hey, Daniel, stop the car, all right?

772. Just stop the car. Let her out.

773. Don't get out. We'll get him.

774. Sam?

775. Gentlemen, I'm going home.

776. Oh, my god, they're coming back to finish us off!

777. Run for it!

778. Let's go cut through their backyard!

779. Sam?

780. Sam, I'm sorry.

781. Look, get in the car.

782. Sam, I'm really sorry. Please? Come on.

783. Let us give you a ride home, okay?

784. Kid, it's not your sister's fault.

785. She didn't even know it was you.

786. Look, she's really, really upset, kid.

787. I swear to god.

788. It's true, Sam. I swear to god.

789. Sam! Sam!

790. God!

791. Hey, is it just me, or did he seem upset?

792. Would you shut up, please?

793. Just give her a break, all right?

794. Yep.

795. Man, I am in so much trouble.

796. Just take me home.

797. No, hey, why don't you just stick around-

798. Just take her home, already. God.

799. I told you she'd be a drag.

800. Why don't you calm down?

801. Trick or treat!

802. Oh, my god. Sam, what happened!

803. - I got egged. - What's the matter?

804. - What's going on? - Sam got attacked.

805. - Are you all right? - Did you get egg in your eyes?

806. - I'm fine. - Oh, my god.

807. Well, well, well. Look who's here.

808. So happy you could grace us with your presence.

809. What kind of terrible people would do this

810. to a little boy?

811. Who the hell did this to you, Sam?

812. Some freaks.

813. Freaks? Like circus freaks?

814. Jean, I don't think there's bearded ladies

815. running around throwing eggs at kids.

816. He means hippies.

817. You know who these freaks were?

818. Just a bunch of dirtbags.

819. Oh, honey. My little baby boy.

820. I'm not a baby.

821. Well...

822. Certainly glad we all decided to celebrate Halloween.

823. Last time I had this much fun,

824. I was pinned down in a foxhole by the North Koreans.

825. I'm sorry, hon. You did a nice job.

826. And you are on thin ice, missy.

827. I didn't expect you back so soon.

828. Mom, I told you I'd be back in a little bit.

829. Who were those people you went off with?

830. Just some friends from school.

831. - Anyone I know? - Mmmmm, not really.

832. Lindsay, if you didn't want to hand out candy with me,

833. you could have just told me.

834. No, I couldn't.

835. Mom, I didn't want to make you feel bad.

836. Oh, I don't know.

837. The world is such a different place

838. than the one I grew up in.

839. Everyone just seems so much meaner these days.

840. Mom, kids didn't throw eggs when you were in school?

841. I don't know. I guess so.

842. I just know I never did.

843. Nothing like getting yelled at by Dad

844. when he's dressed like a vampire, huh?

845. Thanks for not turning me in.

846. I'm really sorry. You know that, don't you?

847. Nobody thinks you're cool, you know.

848. Trust me, I know.

849. Trick or treat!

850. Mom?

851. Oh, no.

852. That's the wrong costume.

853. You were supposed to be my little princess.

854. Well...

855. I guess I'll have to be your little prince instead.

856. - I'll get it. - Oh.

857. Trick or treat!

858. Aren't you the cutest things?

859. Lindsay, aren't they cute?

860. Yeah, they are.

861. Here you go.

862. Happy Halloween.

863. Sam? Can I come in?

864. Yeah.

865. You okay?

866. Yeah, I'm just reading a book for school.

867. Is it any good?

868. I don't know yet.

869. Everyone's name is really weird and long.

870. Well, don't stay up too late.

871. I won't, Dad.