1. Hey, Lindsay,
how'd you like
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2. to go buy some new clothes
at the mall?
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3. Those old jeans
are looking pretty ragged.
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4. No, thanks, Mom.
I like my jeans.
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5. Dad's the one
who could use some pants.
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6. Who am I trying
to impress?
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7. When it's your house,
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8. you can wear a tuxedo
to breakfast.
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9. Honey, I called
Mrs. Amendella.
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10. She's gonna stay
with you kids
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11. while Daddy and I
are in Chicago.
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12. Mom, no.
We don't need a baby-sitter.
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13. I can take care
of Sam.
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14. I can take care of myself.
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15. Oh, yeah,
that's a great idea.
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16. I can just see you guys
eating candy for breakfast
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17. and drawing pictures
on the walls.
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18. How old do you think
we are, Dad?
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19. I've been baby-sitting for the
Kellers for two years already.
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20. Yeah, but that's
for their kids.
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21. Well, I don't know.
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22. Maybe they are a little old
for a baby-sitter.
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23. Maybe they're ready,
honey.
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24. Well, fine.
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25. Mrs. Amendella makes the house
smell like an old lady anyway.
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26. I hear
Peter Lemengello
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27. is playing
the closing night gala.
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28. Mm, Paul Anka.
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29. Ooh, Paul Anka.
Can I come?
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30. Yeah, I guess you'd prefer
if we'd listen
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31. to that punk rock music
I've been reading about.
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32. You know those Sex Pistols?
They spit on their audience.
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33. Ah, that's terrible.
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34. Yep, that's what
I want to do.
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35. Spend my hard-earned money
to be spit on.
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36. Now that's entertainment.
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37. Oh, come on, Dad.
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38. Every generation is afraid
of the music
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39. that comes
from the next.
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40. Well, I'm sure
your parents hated Elvis.
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41. Elvis didn't expectorate
on his fans.
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42. No, but he died
on the toilet.
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43. Well, that's paradise compared
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44. to where those Sex Pistols
are gonna end up.
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45. Hey, Lindsay.
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46. Hey.
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47. Hey, Nick.
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48. Oh, hey. What's up?
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49. What's the matter?
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50. Um, John Bonham died,
you know.
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51. Yeah, I know.
Last week.
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52. He's dead.
You know, it's like, he's dead.
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53. And as a result
there's no more Led Zeppelin.
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54. Well, why don't they
just get a new drummer?
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55. What, are you...?
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56. Let's just forget it.
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57. No. What you got to do is look
for something in the store
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58. that's expensive
but looks really cheap.
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59. And then you switch
price tags
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60. with something
that is really cheap.
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61. Then you gotta
put the original back on it
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62. and return it
for store credit.
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63. That's how I got
this jacket.
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64. Ten bucks this thing
cost me.
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65. Oh, it's beautiful.
Clearly worth all the effort.
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66. My dad caught
a shoplifter once.
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67. And he had to lock him in the
store, and then the cops came.
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68. Well, my dad says
shoplifters cost him a fortune.
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69. Hey, if I owned
your store,
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70. I caught
some little kid shoplifting,
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71. I'd just take him
out back,
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72. and I'd deal
with it.
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73. Oh, would you,
Mr. Tough man?
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74. Yeah, I would,
Mrs. Tough man.
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75. Oh, like that time when
John Ergner kicked your ass?
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76. Like—like that?
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77. Do you mind flapping your lips
somewhere else?
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78. You smell.
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79. Hey, what, did you guys
break up or something?
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80. No, we didn't break up.
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81. I dumped his loser ass.
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82. Oh, is that
what happened?
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83. Okay, if it makes you
feel better.
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84. Do you guys wanna
hey, does anybody want
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85. to come see "The Wall"
with me on Saturday night?
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86. Thought I might try
an experiment,
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87. see it straight once.
I don't know.
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88. Don't do it.
You'll regret it, man.
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89. Trust me.
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90. Well, I would, but my parents
are going out of town,
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91. and I have to watch
my little brother.
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92. Uh, maybe we could all
hang out at your house.
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93. Kegger.
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94. Kegger,
Kegger.
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95. You mean like a party?
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96. Yeah, right.
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97. Lindsay's too lame
to let anyone enter
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98. her precious little house.
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99. Sure.
Why not?
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100. I like parties.
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101. Great.
Who's the too-lame one?
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102. Up yours.
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103. Bye.
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104. Okay, guys,
ten bucks each for the keg.
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105. Come on.
you too.
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106. No, Lindsay,
Lindsay, please.
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107. House drinks free.
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108. Why does she hang out
with those guys?
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109. I don't know.
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110. Why don't you
go over there and ask her?
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111. They're gonna ruin her life.
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112. If you don't care
about high school,
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113. then you won't get
into a good college,
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114. then you'll have
no future,
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115. and you'll wind up
dead or in jail.
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116. Really?
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117. Were you asleep
during "Scared Straight"?
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118. You're in love
with Lindsay.
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119. Ugh, I am not.
what are you talking about?
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120. Why are you
getting so mad?
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121. I'm not!
Why would you say that?
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122. Because you have your book
in front of your pants.
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123. Oh, shut up.
Jerk.
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124. I'm not in love with her.
I just care about her
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125. because she's
my good friend's sister.
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126. Maybe you should ask yourself
why you don't care.
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127. I ca... come on,
you know I care.
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128. Sam.
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129. Hey, Sam, I'm having a keg party
tomorrow night.
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130. You are?
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131. Yeah, so you can't tell
Mom and Dad.
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132. What if your friends
trash our house?
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133. My friends aren't gonna trash
the house.
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134. I'll have plenty of time
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135. to clean up
before Mom and Dad get back.
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136. Mm, what if Dad
finds out?
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137. Well, that's my problem.
don't worry about it.
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138. No, no, it's not,
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139. because Dad
will yell at me
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140. for not telling
on you.
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141. Are you gonna tell on me?
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142. I guess not.
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143. Thanks, Sam.
See you later.
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144. Give me your keys, man.
You're drunk.
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145. I'm not drunk.
Get out of my way. I'm fine.
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146. No, you're not, and I'm
not going to drive with you.
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147. I don't care.
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148. If you try
to drive like that,
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149. I'm gonna call the police.
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150. I thought you were
my friend.
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151. He is your friend,
Daisy.
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152. Who are you?
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153. I'm the designated driver.
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154. I made a pledge
not to drink at this party
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155. so I can help people like you
get home safely.
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156. That's cool.
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157. - Wow.
- I should have done that.
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158. That designated driver's
pretty hot.
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159. Like to get her drunk.
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160. If you drive right now,
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161. you're not only a danger
to yourself,
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162. but you're a danger
to everyone else on the road.
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163. You're like a loaded gun.
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164. I didn't want
to hurt anyone.
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165. We know that.
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166. What do you say?
Will you give me your keys?
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167. And freeze!
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168. Let's hear it for the sober
students improv players.
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169. That was a good example
of how to prevent a tragedy.
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170. But there's an even better way
to save lives,
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171. and that's
not to drink...
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172. - Ken's got the right idea.
- ... or do drugs
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173. in the first place.
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174. And, hey,
just 'cause your parents
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175. or other adults drink
doesn't mean you have to.
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176. Now, I know what
you're thinking:
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177. "Mr. Rosso,
you don't understand.
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178. If I don't drink,
I won't be cool."
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179. Well, you know
what I say to that?
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180. Maybe if you don't drink,
you will be cool.
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181. And right now
our thespians,
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182. Millie, Cindy,
and Harris,
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183. will show you how you can stay
sober and still be cool.
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184. Okay, what I need
from you people
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185. is a kind of party
where drinking might occur.
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186. A kind of party.
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187. A sex party.
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188. All right, I think I heard
someone say "birthday party."
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189. Um, okay, you're
at a birthday party and... go.
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190. Hey, Mary.
Happy birthday.
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191. Oh, thank you, Bob.
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192. How's it going?
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193. Good. You did a really nice
job decorating here.
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194. You know if anyone here
has any cocaine?
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195. No. Coke does damage
to your brain.
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196. I think I can have coke
whenever I want,
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197. but I can only watch you
open your presents now.
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198. Oh, thank you, Bob.
That's very sweet.
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199. I knew
you'd make the right decision.
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200. You wanna get out of here?
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201. Sure.
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202. Okay. I'm gonna go.
Count to ten and then come.
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203. This is
the best birthday ever.
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204. Okay, let's have cake.
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205. Okay. Come on.
Let's go get a glass of pop.
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206. I hope
they have orange.
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207. Hey, it's a party,
isn't it?
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208. And freeze.
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209. As you can see,
nothing is more contagious
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210. than good judgment.
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211. Thanks, gang.
Jimmy, lights.
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212. But if you still
think drinking is cool,
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213. Why not ask Jenny Powell
if drinking is cool?
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214. Well, you can't ask her.
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215. She crashed
into a phone pole this winter
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216. driving drunk
after a New Year's party.
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217. And you can't ask
John Yablonski either.
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218. He died from alcohol poisoning
at a fraternity party.
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219. I love being told
not to drink
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220. by a pothead hippie
guidance counselor.
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221. There's probably a bar
in the teacher's lounge.
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222. Yeah, probably.
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223. - Hey, Stroker.
- Hey.
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224. Ten bucks
for the keg.
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225. - I know.
- Don't weasel out on me.
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226. I'll cut that hair off,
and I'll sell it.
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227. Oh, hey, um, I hope
you don't mind.
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228. I invited my cousin and a couple
of his friends to the party.
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229. Oh, that's cool.
What grade are they in?
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230. No grade.
They're older.
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231. Oh. Cool.
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232. Right on.
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233. We got to do something
about your sister's party.
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234. What's the big deal?
It's just beer.
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235. Yeah, beer
at a freak party?
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236. My cousin's friend
was at a freak party once,
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237. and someone put angel dust
in her drink.
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238. Oh, man.
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239. We gotta go.
To protect Lindsay.
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240. Oh, I can't.
Um, yeah, "Dallas" is on.
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241. What?
Bill, "Dallas" sucks.
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242. You suck.
"Dallas" rules.
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243. Okay, so you're just gonna
let Lindsay end up
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244. like one of those pictures.
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245. Fine, I'll go.
But I'm watching "Dallas" there.
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246. I was just joking. I don't—
I don't watch "Dallas."
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247. If the hot water heater
makes that funny noise,
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248. call the gas company.
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249. I don't want to come home
to a couple of dead kids.
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250. There's 50 bucks
on the dining room table.
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251. That should be enough.
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252. Lindsay, you're in charge of it.
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253. Okay.
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254. It's not
for those "Star Wars" cards
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255. or those goofy packs.
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256. Wacky packs.
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257. Ah, whatever.
Don't blow it.
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258. Hey, Lindsay,
come here, sweetie.
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259. Yeah?
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260. Okay, now, this is dinner
for Friday night.
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261. This is lunch and dinner
for Saturday.
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262. If you need anything else,
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263. Daddy left $50
on the dining room table, okay?
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264. - Okay.
- Okay, let's go.
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265. I want to get there
before the welcome mixer.
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266. All right, and turn out
the lights when you go out.
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267. I'm not made of money.
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268. Wait.
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269. What is it?
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270. Have a good trip.
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271. - Ohh.
- Thanks.
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272. We'll be back Sunday night.
Don't do anything stupid.
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273. Love you.
Bye bye. Have fun, guys.
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274. - Bye.
- Love you.
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275. All right.
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276. Um, at assembly today,
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277. they did these improvisations
about drinking and driving.
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278. It's pretty funny.
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279. Yeah, I saw.
That's why I left.
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280. Well, at assembly
today,
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281. they showed these pictures
of these kids
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282. who died
in drunk driving accidents.
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283. - Did you know any of them?
- No.
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284. Well, one of their moms
talked.
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285. She was pretty sad.
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286. It kind of freaked
everybody out.
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287. Oh, and at assembly today,
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288. they said that, if you drink
too much in one night,
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289. you can die
of alcohol poisoning.
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290. Sam, you sound like Dad.
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291. I just don't know
why you have to have beer
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292. at your party,
that's all.
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293. I mean,
you've never had beer
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294. at any of your other parties,
and they were fun.
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295. Well, those were
birthday parties, Sam.
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296. We went bowling.
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297. Yeah, well, remember the party
where you had a magician?
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298. That was fun.
Why don't you have a magician?
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299. We are not having a magi -
Why am I talking to you?
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300. I'm in charge.
Leave me alone.
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301. Leave me alone.
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302. If "f" is a differentiable
function of "x"
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303. and "c" is a real number,
then...
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304. - Party.
- Party.
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305. Can I help you, Miss?
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306. Yeah, there's, um,
an emergency phone call
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307. for Lindsay Weir.
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308. It's her mom.
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309. Oh, okay. Lindsay.
Go ahead.
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310. Come on, let's go.
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311. Okay, people, back on me.
Come on. The show's over.
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312. Did they say
what's wrong?
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313. They didn't tell me anything.
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314. Hey, Lindsay.
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315. Not now, there's some
emergency with my parents.
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316. No, no, Lindsay.
Lindsay, no, no, no.
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317. I know. They want—
they want you
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318. to come with them
to buy a keg.
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319. - What?
- Hey, thanks a lot, Sara.
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320. No problem.
See you at the party tonight.
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321. All right.
That's a cute necklace.
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322. Um, we're cutting.
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323. Daniel is paying
his brother 20 bucks,
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324. and he's gonna buy us a keg.
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325. Everybody's waiting
down at the car, so...
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326. Are you okay?
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327. Yeah, I... I just...
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328. Well, it's that whole
emergency phone call thing.
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329. Let's go get some beer.
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330. Okay, I got it.
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331. Maybe you can call
your parents
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332. and tell them you fell
and hit your head
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333. and have them come home
before the party.
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334. Then what happens
when they come home
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335. and see my head
is fine?
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336. Well, we'd have to hit you
over the head
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337. and give you a bump.
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338. Ooh, like
in that Dirty Harry movie
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339. where the bad guy
yells at this black guy
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340. so he will beat him up,
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341. then he blames it on Clint.
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342. "It was Callahan!"
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343. No chance. I'm not gonna let
you guys hit me.
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344. Hey, guys.
Whenever my uncle visits,
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345. my mom gives him
non-alcoholic beer
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346. so he doesn't get all drunk
and yell at everyone.
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347. What's non-alcoholic beer?
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348. It's just like beer,
but it doesn't have
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349. that ingredient
that makes you drunk.
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350. Alcohol?
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351. Yeah.
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352. That's a great idea.
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353. But we're gonna have to buy
a whole keg of it.
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354. That's gonna be
expensive.
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355. I don't have any money.
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356. I don't either.
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357. Yes, you do.
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358. - Oh, no—no way.
- Why not?
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359. It's my bar mitzvah money.
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360. I'm saving that
to go backpacking across Europe.
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361. Oh, come on,
this is important.
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362. Every time you guys
have a problem,
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363. you want to dip
into my bar mitzvah money.
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364. It's not like I get
to have another one.
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365. - Come on.
- For Lindsay?
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366. Fine.
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367. Mazel tov.
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368. Oh, shut up.
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369. What if somebody robs
this place while we're in here?
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370. People are always getting shot
in liquor stores.
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371. Do you think
they sell Yoo hoo here?
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372. I'm kinda thirsty.
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373. Yeah, Bill,
why don't you ask the guy?
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374. Maybe he can change
your diaper too.
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375. Hey, that was
unnecessary.
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376. We're out
of pop rocks.
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377. Uh, a keg of beer,
please.
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378. Don't see that
happening.
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379. Uh, no, we'd like
non-alcoholic beer.
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380. Oh, really? No.
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381. Please?
We really need it.
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382. What for?
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383. Oh, we're gonna switch
the kegs at his sister's party.
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384. Righteous.
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385. Bill, put your jacket on it
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386. so, if someone drives by,
they don't see it.
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387. I hope we don't
get caught.
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388. Then hurry up!
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389. Bill, push!
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390. I-I am!
I am!
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391. She's in there.
How are we gonna do this?
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392. I'll distract her while you
and Bill switch the kegs.
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393. I'm tired of carrying
this stupid keg.
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394. Why don't you let me
distract her?
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395. I'm distracting her.
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396. Come on.
Hurry up.
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397. I'm going in.
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398. Hey, Lindsay.
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399. What are you
doing here?
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400. Sam, Bill, and I
are just hanging out.
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401. Oh, please,
allow me.
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402. Thanks.
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403. Come on, push.
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404. I am pushing.
It's heavy.
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405. Careful.
My foot!
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406. Hey, it's your foot.
You can watch it too, you know.
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407. So, uh, what kind of music
are you gonna play tonight?
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408. You should play
some Chicago.
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409. They've got
a really hot horn section.
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410. Ha, I don't know.
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411. I think I'm gonna play
some Zeppelin, Foghat,
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412. hmm, maybe some Sabbath.
Copy !req
413. Friday night, always
a good night for some Sabbath.
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414. 'Cause, you know,
Friday is the Sabbath...
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415. For the Jews.
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416. Do you think Neal's okay
in there?
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417. He's having
a terrific time.
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418. Why?
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419. - He's in love with your sister.
- What?
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420. Hey, Sam, what was that?
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421. Uh, nothing.
Bill fell.
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422. Hey, don't you want to go play
with those guys?
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423. No.
I like talking to you.
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424. If Neal marries
your sister,
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425. then he'd be
your brother-in-law.
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426. Then—then,
if you had kids,
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427. uh, Neal would be
their Uncle Neal.
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428. And then I bet Lindsay's kids
would look like Neal.
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429. Bill, shut up.
He doesn't love Lindsay.
Copy !req
430. That... that's not
what he told me.
Copy !req
431. I think Bill's got
an ear infection.
Copy !req
432. It's messing
with his equilibrium.
Copy !req
433. I think you need more m&ms.
Copy !req
434. Well, I don't have
any more m&ms.
Copy !req
435. No, no, no, no,
I saw some right over there.
Copy !req
436. Oh, no.
Copy !req
437. No, we don't have
any more m&ms.
Copy !req
438. Now get out of my way.
Copy !req
439. What are you guys do—?
Copy !req
440. Uh, oh, hi. Oh.
It's...
Copy !req
441. No, Bill, it's okay.
Copy !req
442. Uh, Neal told me
about your—your—
Copy !req
443. Well, help him, Sam.
Give him something to wear.
Copy !req
444. - Hi.
- Hey.
Copy !req
445. - Hey.
- Hey.
Copy !req
446. Come in.
Copy !req
447. Wow.
Copy !req
448. So,
what do you think?
Copy !req
449. What do you think
we are, hippies?
Copy !req
450. Shut up, man.
I think it looks great.
Copy !req
451. Looks great.
Copy !req
452. Wow.
Like that unicorn.
Copy !req
453. Well, my house
is so boring looking.
Copy !req
454. So I just wanted
to make it look more party-like.
Copy !req
455. Well, I'll tell you how
to make it look more party-like.
Copy !req
456. Point me to the keg.
Copy !req
457. Oh, yeah.
Copy !req
458. Oh, it's
in the corner.
Copy !req
459. Then I am
in the corner.
Copy !req
460. Hey, don't be nervous.
Copy !req
461. This party's gonna be great.
Copy !req
462. Thanks.
Copy !req
463. Yeah,
so this is the main room?
Copy !req
464. Yeah. Why?
Copy !req
465. Well, it's probably
big enough, uh -
Copy !req
466. Yeah, word's
getting around.
Copy !req
467. So, uh, you mind
if I check out the rest?
Copy !req
468. Okay.
Copy !req
469. People are here.
Copy !req
470. All right,
it's going down.
Copy !req
471. You're blocking the TV.
Copy !req
472. What do you think's
gonna happen?
Copy !req
473. Well, hopefully
everybody's gonna drink
Copy !req
474. a bunch of fake beer,
have to pee a lot,
Copy !req
475. and go home
'cause they're bored.
Copy !req
476. This is genius.
Copy !req
477. It's my idea.
I'm the genius.
Copy !req
478. All right, here's the plan.
Copy !req
479. Bill, you guard the keg.
Copy !req
480. Neal and I
will patrol the party.
Copy !req
481. I'll keep an eye
on Lindsay.
Copy !req
482. I'm the genius.
Copy !req
483. - Hey.
- What's up?
Copy !req
484. - Come on in.
- How's it going?
Copy !req
485. This beer sucks.
Copy !req
486. It taste weird to you?
Copy !req
487. Uh, it's imported.
Copy !req
488. Nothing's too good
for our friends.
Copy !req
489. Daniel probably bought
the cheap beer
Copy !req
490. and kept
the extra cash.
Copy !req
491. Definitely.
Copy !req
492. Pump it, you dork.
Copy !req
493. So I think
if you look back, even,
Copy !req
494. at "Song Remains the Same,"
for instance,
Copy !req
495. he's dressed
like a gangster,
Copy !req
496. a-and then his head
got shot off, right?
Copy !req
497. And all that multi-colored paint
and stuff
Copy !req
498. came out of his neck.
Copy !req
499. And I think what that means
is that he knew even then
Copy !req
500. that he was gonna die.
What?
Copy !req
501. Uh, could you
not sit on that, please?
Copy !req
502. It's glass.
Copy !req
503. Nah, Neal, no, you wouldn't
want to trade places with me.
Copy !req
504. Believe me.
Copy !req
505. I don't know.
I mean, I'm Jewish.
Copy !req
506. That's no
cakewalk either.
Copy !req
507. I was elected school treasurer
last year.
Copy !req
508. I didn't even run.
Copy !req
509. Millie. Hi.
Copy !req
510. I saw all the cars
out in front.
Copy !req
511. Yeah, well,
we're all hanging out.
Copy !req
512. You missed a pop quiz
in chemistry today.
Copy !req
513. I did?
Really?
Copy !req
514. Yeah. Were you skipping out
with your new friends?
Copy !req
515. Or should I call them
"drinking buddies"?
Copy !req
516. Millie.
Copy !req
517. Why are you doing this,
Lindsay?
Copy !req
518. You're asking for trouble.
Copy !req
519. Beer here!
Copy !req
520. Uh, no, thank you.
Copy !req
521. I prefer to get high
on life.
Copy !req
522. Oh, whoa, whoa.
Copy !req
523. You're that chick
from that thing yesterday.
Copy !req
524. Oh, hey, would you
give me a ride home?
Copy !req
525. Yes, I would.
Copy !req
526. "Yes, I would."
Copy !req
527. Why is it so funny?
Copy !req
528. Look, Millie, I gotta get back
to the party.
Copy !req
529. You want to stay?
Copy !req
530. Yes.
Copy !req
531. And I'm going to have
more fun than any of you.
Copy !req
532. Sober.
Copy !req
533. Uh, hi.
Copy !req
534. Can I help you?
Copy !req
535. No doubt.
Copy !req
536. We're friends
of Daniel's.
Copy !req
537. We're looking
for some beer.
Copy !req
538. Hey, Jimmy.
Copy !req
539. Hey, sweet thing.
Wh - where's your boy?
Copy !req
540. Hopefully under a truck.
Copy !req
541. I dumped his ass.
Copy !req
542. Right on, man.
Copy !req
543. That makes you available.
Copy !req
544. No way, old man.
Copy !req
545. She's mine.
Copy !req
546. All mine.
Copy !req
547. Come on, boys. Let's go tear
this mother down!
Copy !req
548. Hello, ladies!
Copy !req
549. Who are those guys?
Copy !req
550. They're...
Copy !req
551. My guests.
Copy !req
552. Oh, man,
I gotta pee!
Copy !req
553. I'll consider
that a forfeit.
Copy !req
554. Ow!
Copy !req
555. I am the lord of quarters.
Copy !req
556. - Oh, umm.
- Oh, man!
Copy !req
557. Man, I've had
five beers already.
Copy !req
558. I'm not even buzzed.
Copy !req
559. You're the man, man!
I don't know what to say.
Copy !req
560. You're the man!
Copy !req
561. I haven't had any,
and I'm sailing.
Copy !req
562. I'm having more fun
than any of you.
Copy !req
563. Excuse me.
Copy !req
564. Hey, wait a second, man.
Aren't you a—a sober student?
Copy !req
565. I only did that
because it looks good
Copy !req
566. on my transcript
for college.
Copy !req
567. All right!
Copy !req
568. Wait—wait till I'm ready.
Wait till I'm ready.
Copy !req
569. - Wait till I'm—
- Go!
Copy !req
570. I wasn't ready.
Copy !req
571. Hit me harder.
Harder, man, come on!
Copy !req
572. Come on.
Feel the steel.
Copy !req
573. Man, you're tickling me.
Who's next?
Copy !req
574. All right, step right up,
my big man.
Copy !req
575. Come on, right here.
Copy !req
576. Man, that was cool, man.
Copy !req
577. Are you sure we put out
the right keg?
Copy !req
578. It's working better
than we wanted.
Copy !req
579. They really think
they're drunk.
Copy !req
580. You think so?
Copy !req
581. Look at them.
They're wasted.
Copy !req
582. That's the placebo effect
working for you, my friend.
Copy !req
583. Check out that guy.
Copy !req
584. What if they trash
the place
Copy !req
585. 'cause they think
they're drunk?
Copy !req
586. They won't.
Copy !req
587. I don't think.
Copy !req
588. This could be bad.
Copy !req
589. Hey, Daniel.
Copy !req
590. Hey.
Copy !req
591. Uh, well,
what are you doing?
Copy !req
592. Oh, I'm just, uh,
looking at all this stuff.
Copy !req
593. How old are you here?
Copy !req
594. It was...
younger.
Copy !req
595. I-I-I was really geeky.
Copy !req
596. Yeah.
Copy !req
597. You win a lot,
don't you?
Copy !req
598. - I guess.
- Yeah.
Copy !req
599. But, you know,
I've been meaning
Copy !req
600. to put
that in the basement.
Copy !req
601. "First place-
algebra division"?
Copy !req
602. Oh, that's right.
You're one of those, uh...
Copy !req
603. Mathletes.
Copy !req
604. Yeah, I know.
It's...
Copy !req
605. Stupid.
I don't do it anymore.
Copy !req
606. Why is it so stupid?
Copy !req
607. You look pretty happy there.
Copy !req
608. Hey, if I ever won
a blue ribbon,
Copy !req
609. I'd be so pumped.
Copy !req
610. I mean, uh, I wouldn't wear
it around or nothing, but...
Copy !req
611. It's cool.
Copy !req
612. Thanks.
Copy !req
613. Oh.
Oh, no!
Copy !req
614. That's that chick
from the assembly, man.
Copy !req
615. Yeah.
Copy !req
616. Come on! Come on,
Let's do it.
Copy !req
617. Let's go.
Copy !req
618. - Hi, Ken.
- Hey.
Copy !req
619. Do you guys
like my sister?
Copy !req
620. Sure.
Copy !req
621. Well, then can you make sure
Copy !req
622. that she doesn't get
in too much trouble?
Copy !req
623. Okay.
Copy !req
624. Thanks.
Copy !req
625. Hey, which one's your sister?
Copy !req
626. She's not that chick
who's singing, is she?
Copy !req
627. Careful. Careful, J.R.
It's a trap.
Copy !req
628. - Hey, you want to go?
- What?
Copy !req
629. I said, do you want to go?
Copy !req
630. I always want
to go, grandpa.
Copy !req
631. You want to go?
Copy !req
632. You want
to go?
Copy !req
633. Let's go, fat boy!
Copy !req
634. That was stupid, old man.
Copy !req
635. Hey, hey,
hey, hey.
Copy !req
636. All right, cool off, man.
Not here.
Copy !req
637. All right,
are we cool?
Copy !req
638. Whatever.
Copy !req
639. Hi, Sam.
Copy !req
640. Hi, Cindy.
Copy !req
641. I didn't know
you were coming.
Copy !req
642. Yeah.
Neal invited me.
Copy !req
643. Oh, this is
my cousin Beth.
Copy !req
644. She's visiting
from Boca Raton.
Copy !req
645. Oh, hi.
Copy !req
646. So where's the beer?
Copy !req
647. Uh, it - it's over there.
Copy !req
648. Don't worry.
I'm the designated driver.
Copy !req
649. Good god.
Copy !req
650. Why did Neal
invite her?
Copy !req
651. Now she's gonna see
all the dumb stuff in my house.
Copy !req
652. His plan is to distract you,
so he can hit on your sister.
Copy !req
653. Oh, man!
He's so dead.
Copy !req
654. What am I gonna say
to Cindy?
Copy !req
655. Don't say anything.
Be dominant.
Copy !req
656. It's all—all
about dominance.
Copy !req
657. I saw this monkey show
on PBS.
Copy !req
658. If you talk to her first,
it's a sign of weakness,
Copy !req
659. and then she will not pick you
to be her mate.
Copy !req
660. Are you drunk?
Copy !req
661. I think so.
Yes, I am.
Copy !req
662. Oh, man!
Go into my room, lock the door,
Copy !req
663. and don't drink
anymore.
Copy !req
664. That's very dominant.
Copy !req
665. Have you guys seen Daniel?
Copy !req
666. No.
Copy !req
667. Thanks for the dance.
Copy !req
668. Ow. Watch it, Romeo.
You're on my hair.
Copy !req
669. Hey, we're busy here.
Copy !req
670. Uh, sorry.
Copy !req
671. Oh, hey, Lindsay.
Copy !req
672. Don't worry.
Copy !req
673. We threw
your teddy bears on the floor.
Copy !req
674. Daniel and Kim
are making out on my bed.
Copy !req
675. Oh.
Copy !req
676. I thought
they broke up.
Copy !req
677. Yeah. I don't know.
They break up, like,
Copy !req
678. every week,
you know, so...
Copy !req
679. Hey. Hey...
Copy !req
680. You don't look like you're
having very much fun.
Copy !req
681. Well, I'm not.
Copy !req
682. Hey, Lindsay,
Copy !req
683. This is a party.
Copy !req
684. Okay? So will you please just,
like, try to relax
Copy !req
685. and have a good time, okay?
Copy !req
686. And when it's over, I'll stay
and I'll help you clean up.
Copy !req
687. Thanks.
Copy !req
688. Oh, I'm so glad
you're here.
Copy !req
689. Yeah, me too.
Copy !req
690. What are you doing?
Copy !req
691. Nothing.
Copy !req
692. Ew!
Stop!
Copy !req
693. What are you doing?
Copy !req
694. I'm sorry. Oh, my god,
I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
695. I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
696. What are you doing?
Copy !req
697. I'm really sorry.
Copy !req
698. I'm - I'm really wasted
right now, you know.
Copy !req
699. John Bonham died.
Copy !req
700. Lindsay?
Are you okay?
Copy !req
701. Yeah, I'm fine.
Copy !req
702. I'll be out in a minute.
Copy !req
703. Sometimes it helps
to talk to someone.
Copy !req
704. Well, I'm too drunk
to talk.
Copy !req
705. No, that's okay.
I speak drunk.
Copy !req
706. I'm so wasted,
and I hate my life.
Copy !req
707. You shouldn't hate
your life.
Copy !req
708. Why not?
It sucks.
Copy !req
709. No, it doesn't.
Copy !req
710. You're a beautiful
young girl.
Copy !req
711. The world
is your oyster.
Copy !req
712. Please leave me alone.
Copy !req
713. No.
Copy !req
714. Why?
Copy !req
715. Because you're
Sam's sister.
Copy !req
716. I'm so wasted.
Copy !req
717. I wish I never had
this party.
Copy !req
718. Uh, that's all right.
It's okay.
Copy !req
719. Everything will be okay.
Copy !req
720. Sam, right?
Copy !req
721. Have you, uh, seen
your sister around anywhere?
Copy !req
722. No.
Not recently.
Copy !req
723. Um, if you see her,
could you just tell her
Copy !req
724. that I'm really sorry?
Copy !req
725. Did you break something?
Copy !req
726. No.
Copy !req
727. Just forget it, okay?
Copy !req
728. Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go!
Copy !req
729. Oh, god.
What is going on out there?
Copy !req
730. I didn't even want
to have this party.
Copy !req
731. I only had it
'cause Daniel wanted it.
Copy !req
732. And next thing I know, he's
making out on my bed with Kim.
Copy !req
733. It's typical.
Copy !req
734. All my new friends think
I'm some goody two-shoes,
Copy !req
735. and all my old friends think
I'm throwing my life away.
Copy !req
736. What the hell am I
supposed to do?
Copy !req
737. May I speak freely?
Copy !req
738. That Daniel guy,
you can do better.
Copy !req
739. And, hey, at least people
showed up to your party.
Copy !req
740. When I was in the sixth grade,
Copy !req
741. my mom threw me
a surprise party,
Copy !req
742. You know what
the surprise was?
Copy !req
743. Nobody showed up.
Copy !req
744. Except Bill and Sam.
Copy !req
745. Yeah?
Copy !req
746. Whosever in there,
Copy !req
747. we need five bucks
from everyone.
Copy !req
748. We're gonna get
another keg.
Copy !req
749. Oh, my god.
Copy !req
750. Forget it, man.
we just found 50 bucks.
Copy !req
751. Um, you've gotta do something.
Copy !req
752. I can't. If I go out there
and kick everybody out,
Copy !req
753. I am gonna look so lame.
Copy !req
754. Um, no, no, no.
Why don't you call the police?
Copy !req
755. I mean,
that's what my dad always does.
Copy !req
756. Oh, so they can come in
and find the keg?
Copy !req
757. Not without a warrant.
Copy !req
758. No. No. I can't.
Copy !req
759. Oh, god.
I can't handle any of this.
Copy !req
760. Of course you can.
You're Lindsay Weir.
Copy !req
761. You can do anything.
Copy !req
762. You're smart
and pretty.
Copy !req
763. You don't take any crap.
Copy !req
764. And you're
the perfect girl,
Copy !req
765. and I've been in love with you
since I was five years old.
Copy !req
766. Maybe I should call
the cops.
Copy !req
767. Yes.
Copy !req
768. Okay.
Copy !req
769. Hi.
Police, please.
Copy !req
770. Thank you.
Copy !req
771. Yes, hello, police?
Copy !req
772. Yes. Hi.
Copy !req
773. There's a very loud and annoying
party going on next door.
Copy !req
774. It's just been going on
forever.
Copy !req
775. I'm very tired, and I'm old,
and I need my rest.
Copy !req
776. I've gotta work tomorrow.
Copy !req
777. Yes. It's 13 Nome Drive.
Copy !req
778. Thank you. Please hurry up.
I'm so tired.
Copy !req
779. Done.
Copy !req
780. I'd say this party has a life
expectancy of five minutes.
Copy !req
781. Thanks, Neal.
Copy !req
782. Hey, Sam.
Copy !req
783. Oh, hey, Cindy.
I didn't see you there.
Copy !req
784. So, how's it going?
Copy !req
785. Pretty good.
Copy !req
786. So, uh, where are
all the cute guys?
Copy !req
787. What,
the bus hasn't arrived yet?
Copy !req
788. Oh, my god.
The police are here.
Copy !req
789. Come on, everybody out.
Copy !req
790. Look, do you want Lindsay
to get in trouble?
Copy !req
791. I'm on parole.
Copy !req
792. Let's get out of here
before they search the van.
Copy !req
793. You don't have to run, Ken.
It's fake beer.
Copy !req
794. I know.
Copy !req
795. I won 87 bucks
playing quarters.
Copy !req
796. This party ruled.
Copy !req
797. Oh, hey, Lindsay.
Copy !req
798. Great party.
Copy !req
799. We had a great time.
Copy !req
800. Glad you had a good time.
Copy !req
801. I knew you had it
in you.
Copy !req
802. Let's get out of here.
Copy !req
803. You were a wonderful hostess.
Copy !req
804. Have us back again soon.
Copy !req
805. Should've hired a magician.
Copy !req
806. Hey, Bill, get up.
Copy !req
807. That's how the drummer
from Led Zeppelin died.
Copy !req
808. Did he?
Copy !req
809. Good night, Lindsay.
Copy !req