1. Previously
on "Freaks and Geeks"...Copy !req
2. Dr. Schweiber?Copy !req
3. Sam saw your dad
hugging a ladyCopy !req
4. at the mall
last night.Copy !req
5. This clicker
isn't for our garage door.Copy !req
6. Maybe your dad
has a secret love nest.Copy !req
7. Bill,
that is not sexy.Copy !req
8. Yes, it is.Copy !req
9. Bill, it looks like
you're having a seizure.Copy !req
10. Women love this.Copy !req
11. They don't care
that Rerun's fatCopy !req
12. 'cause he's got the moves.Copy !req
13. Come on.
You guys get up here.Copy !req
14. Try it.Copy !req
15. Sam, come on, shake it.Copy !req
16. You won't break it.Copy !req
17. Okay.Copy !req
18. You cut me off mid-funk.Copy !req
19. Look, Neal, you always
want to impress the ladies.Copy !req
20. This is how you do it.Copy !req
21. That's never
impressed the ladies.Copy !req
22. It's 'cause I haven't done it
in front of the ladies.Copy !req
23. Look, if I had,Copy !req
24. I'd be fighting 'em off
with a stick.Copy !req
25. Guys, let's get serious.Copy !req
26. That is not going
to impress the women.Copy !req
27. Trust me.Copy !req
28. Okay, and you know
what will, don't you?Copy !req
29. As a matter of fact,
I do.Copy !req
30. I've discovered something
that will change our lives.Copy !req
31. It'll bring us power,
respect, and money,Copy !req
32. and it's right here
in the suitcase.Copy !req
33. What is it?Copy !req
34. You sure
You want to know?Copy !req
35. Ha, ha!Copy !req
36. Yes, so open it up.Copy !req
37. Think you can handle it?Copy !req
38. Yeah. Open it.Copy !req
39. Gentlemen...Copy !req
40. Say hello to Morty.Copy !req
41. Hi, dummies.Copy !req
42. Is that, uh,
is that Jenna Zank?Copy !req
43. - Oh, yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
44. Yeah,
didn't she drop out?Copy !req
45. Yeah.Copy !req
46. Why would you drop out
and stay in Chippewa?Copy !req
47. That's crazy.Copy !req
48. She used to be so hot.Copy !req
49. Yeah.Copy !req
50. She still is.Copy !req
51. Yeah,
if you like clowns.Copy !req
52. Clowns.Copy !req
53. By the way, I got a late
RSVP from Jim Narotsky.Copy !req
54. He and Liz are coming.Copy !req
55. Are there any more?Copy !req
56. 'Cause you keep
adding on like this,Copy !req
57. I'm gonna have
to get more food.Copy !req
58. Lillian,
we've had this partyCopy !req
59. every year now
for ten years,Copy !req
60. and we've never
run out of food,Copy !req
61. not even come close.Copy !req
62. Honey, do you want
to tell your dadCopy !req
63. about
your history test?Copy !req
64. Well, that doesn't
sound good.Copy !req
65. I got a "D."Copy !req
66. "D"? What, did you even
get your name right at least?Copy !req
67. What happened?Copy !req
68. I... I don't know.
I guess I studied wrong.Copy !req
69. Honey, this is
a few grades like this.Copy !req
70. Do you think
that maybe...Copy !req
71. Morty is distracting you
a little bit from your studies?Copy !req
72. It's not
the ventriloquism.Copy !req
73. Hey, we're just trying
to talk here, buddy.Copy !req
74. We just want to make sure
you're all right.Copy !req
75. I... I'm sorry.
I had a couple of bad tests.Copy !req
76. I'll do better.
I promise.Copy !req
77. All we ask
is that you try your hardest.Copy !req
78. I will.Copy !req
79. May I be excused?
Willie Tyler and LesterCopy !req
80. are on the "Hollywood Squares"
this week.Copy !req
81. I gotta watch.Copy !req
82. Sure.Copy !req
83. Harold, we have to goCopy !req
84. or the Schweibers
will be offended.Copy !req
85. We missed it last year.Copy !req
86. We didn't
miss anything.Copy !req
87. It's the same party
year after year.Copy !req
88. It's smarmy.Copy !req
89. What kind of doctor
invites his patients overCopy !req
90. to listen
to his dental jokes?Copy !req
91. It's sick.Copy !req
92. Honey, we have to go.Copy !req
93. Mom, I don't
have to go, do I?Copy !req
94. I don't see why
you should get out of it.Copy !req
95. He's your dentist too.Copy !req
96. Fine.
I'll switch dentists.Copy !req
97. Say, that's an idea.Copy !req
98. Harold, you are acting
like a child.Copy !req
99. Now, we're going.Copy !req
100. Lindsay,
you don't have to go.Copy !req
101. Yes.Copy !req
102. Hey, Neal, can I put
my history book in your lockerCopy !req
103. until after next period?Copy !req
104. I don't have
a lot of extra room.Copy !req
105. Aah!Copy !req
106. Okay, now you're bringing
the dummy to school with you?Copy !req
107. Hey, it's called a figure,
not a dummy.Copy !req
108. A dummy is someone
who calls it one.Copy !req
109. Oh, is it?Copy !req
110. No, don't take it out.Copy !req
111. Relax.
It's just Morty, Bill.Copy !req
112. Yeah, you got a problem?Copy !req
113. Tell it
not to talk to me.Copy !req
114. Oh, bet you want
a piece of me, huh, Stretch?Copy !req
115. Shut up already.Copy !req
116. Sorry.Copy !req
117. Just need time
to rehearse.Copy !req
118. My brother's coming home
this weekend,Copy !req
119. so I won't have
much time then.Copy !req
120. What are you
rehearsing for?Copy !req
121. Is there some sort of
a talent show or something?Copy !req
122. For life.Copy !req
123. I'm taking control.Copy !req
124. I know I can't depend
on my crazy parents anymore.Copy !req
125. Who knows? I can make
big bucks with this.Copy !req
126. I doubt it.Copy !req
127. I mean,
ventriloquism isn't funny.Copy !req
128. Perhaps you've never seen
a little show called "Soap."Copy !req
129. That guy's hilarious.Copy !req
130. I know he's rich,
thanks to ventriloquism.Copy !req
131. When Barry comes home
this weekend,Copy !req
132. I think I'm gonna tell him
about our dad.Copy !req
133. - What, about that woman?
- Mm hmm.Copy !req
134. You think
that's a good idea?Copy !req
135. Well, I have to tell him.
He's my brother.Copy !req
136. Daniel!
Daniel, you come back here.Copy !req
137. I need you to run
to the drug storeCopy !req
138. and pick up
your father's prescriptions.Copy !req
139. I can't, Ma.
I got to go to music.Copy !req
140. You know I can't
leave him alone.Copy !req
141. He might fall.Copy !req
142. Well, why don't
you call Joey?Copy !req
143. - He's not working.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
144. Trust your brother
with those painkillers?Copy !req
145. Never again.Copy !req
146. All right, fine.
I'll go after school,Copy !req
147. but I gotta go.
I can't get any more tardies.Copy !req
148. It cannot wait.
Your father's in pain.Copy !req
149. I need you
to do this now.Copy !req
150. What do you want me to do?
I'm in high school.Copy !req
151. Oh, yeah, when it's
convenient for you, you are.Copy !req
152. You're 18. You're going to be
the oldest junior in Michigan.Copy !req
153. What do you
want me to do?Copy !req
154. You want me to drop out?Copy !req
155. I can bring us home
a big whopping 2.50 an hour.Copy !req
156. You know I wouldn't
turn that down.Copy !req
157. Hey, come on, Daniel.
What am I supposed to do here?Copy !req
158. What do you mean,
what are you supposed to do?Copy !req
159. You're supposed to go inside,
take care of him.Copy !req
160. I'm supposed to go
to school.Copy !req
161. It's called Wednesday.Copy !req
162. Where you goin'?Copy !req
163. I'm gonna get
the stupid pills.Copy !req
164. Hey, Desario!Copy !req
165. What?Copy !req
166. I've been
waiting for you.Copy !req
167. Where the hell
were you this morning?Copy !req
168. You have my notes.Copy !req
169. Oh, I was held up.Copy !req
170. Well, thanks a lot.Copy !req
171. I failed a test
because of you.Copy !req
172. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
173. It was
an open notes test.Copy !req
174. I left my bag
in your car last night.Copy !req
175. Oh, so it's my faultCopy !req
176. that you left
your bag in my car?Copy !req
177. No. It's your fault that
you're the most unreliable guyCopy !req
178. on the face
of the planet.Copy !req
179. Well,
you're certainly reliable.Copy !req
180. You're always a bitch.Copy !req
181. You know what, Daniel?Copy !req
182. Why don't you enjoy spending
the rest of your life alone?Copy !req
183. Uh, Neal, I don't see
your report here.Copy !req
184. I... I did it.Copy !req
185. Where is it?Copy !req
186. In my mind.Copy !req
187. I didn't want to
write it downCopy !req
188. because I didn't want to
kill a tree.Copy !req
189. Did you know that our
rainforests are disappearing?Copy !req
190. - Neal.
- Hector.Copy !req
191. All right,
that's it.Copy !req
192. You just bought
yourself a ticketCopy !req
193. to the principal's office.Copy !req
194. You mean, to see Jerry?
I love that guy.Copy !req
195. He owes me money!Copy !req
196. Put me down!Copy !req
197. Put me down!Copy !req
198. Come on. You know
you love me!Copy !req
199. You're crushing
my ribs!Copy !req
200. Put her down.Copy !req
201. What?
We're just having some fun.Copy !req
202. No, I'm not.
Put me down.Copy !req
203. I said
put her down!Copy !req
204. Ow!Copy !req
205. That hurt,
you burnout.Copy !req
206. Yeah, well, it's supposed to
hurt, you jerk.Copy !req
207. Hey!
Miss Weir...Copy !req
208. Leave me alone.Copy !req
209. We don't hit people
here at McKinley.Copy !req
210. Yeah,
what's your problem?Copy !req
211. I think
she's high, man.Copy !req
212. She went crazy on me.Copy !req
213. He wouldn't put her down.Copy !req
214. We were just
messing around.Copy !req
215. Ay!Copy !req
216. All right,
that's it.Copy !req
217. The two of you
can work it outCopy !req
218. this afternoon
in detention.Copy !req
219. What?Copy !req
220. Burnout!Copy !req
221. Mr. Botwinick, I was
just trying to help her.Copy !req
222. She looks like she can
take care of herself.Copy !req
223. Sorry, friend.Copy !req
224. Picked up a little bug
the other night.Copy !req
225. Long story.Copy !req
226. Look, Mr. Rosso,Copy !req
227. I'm really sorry
I mouthed off in class.Copy !req
228. I'll apologize to Mr. Lacovara.
I promise.Copy !req
229. It'll never happen again.Copy !req
230. Neal, have a seat.Copy !req
231. Here's what I see.Copy !req
232. A kid whose grades
have taken a sudden tumble,Copy !req
233. and for the first time,
starting to get into trouble.Copy !req
234. Now, in my business,Copy !req
235. we call those
warning signs.Copy !req
236. I'm here to help you,Copy !req
237. but I can't help you
if you won't talk to me.Copy !req
238. Really, Mr. Rosso,
everything's fine.Copy !req
239. Neal, sometimes we like to say
that everything's fineCopy !req
240. because, really,
things aren't fine.Copy !req
241. Everything's fine.Copy !req
242. I've had kids lying to me
since before you were born.Copy !req
243. You're new to it, and you're
not that good at it.Copy !req
244. Come on.Copy !req
245. Okay.Copy !req
246. You want me to talk?
You think it'll help?Copy !req
247. Fine.Copy !req
248. My father
is a womanizer.Copy !req
249. He's cheating on my mother,
and she has no clue,Copy !req
250. and I have to decide
whether or not to tell her.Copy !req
251. Daniel,
your father's trying to sleep.Copy !req
252. All right,
I'll be quiet.Copy !req
253. He's always trying to sleep.Copy !req
254. Uh, what are you doing,
Miss Weir?Copy !req
255. What? I'm doing
my homework.Copy !req
256. That's not allowed
in here.Copy !req
257. What?Copy !req
258. This is detention.Copy !req
259. The point is to think about
what you've done.Copy !req
260. What?Copy !req
261. Why would you want to keep
these people from studying?Copy !req
262. I mean,
isn't that the point?Copy !req
263. You can't do schoolwork
at school?Copy !req
264. It's the stupidest thing
I've ever heard.Copy !req
265. Teachers just
quarantine bad kidsCopy !req
266. and make them sit
and stare into spaceCopy !req
267. until their brains
get numb?Copy !req
268. You're manufacturing idiots.Copy !req
269. What kind of system
is this?Copy !req
270. I'm doing my homework.Copy !req
271. Uh, no, you're not,
Miss Weir.Copy !req
272. Put the books away,
and you know what?Copy !req
273. You're not doing your homework
tomorrow afternoonCopy !req
274. when you come in here too.Copy !req
275. What? That's insane.Copy !req
276. And you're not doing
your homework FridayCopy !req
277. when you come in here.Copy !req
278. Ha!Copy !req
279. Botwinick's an idiot.Copy !req
280. Seidelman's an idiot.Copy !req
281. This school turns
people into idiots.Copy !req
282. It's this school.Copy !req
283. I hate this school.Copy !req
284. I broke up
with Daniel.Copy !req
285. Really?Copy !req
286. Yeah.Copy !req
287. Well, that's
a good thing, right?Copy !req
288. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
289. Ooh.
Then congratulations.Copy !req
290. Thank you.Copy !req
291. Ha. This food
is fit for a king.Copy !req
292. Here, King.
Here, King.Copy !req
293. Hey, honey.Copy !req
294. What do you say
I ditch this chumpCopy !req
295. and you and me
get out of here?Copy !req
296. Sam, do you see
another table open?Copy !req
297. Neal, people
are looking at us.Copy !req
298. And not
in a good way.Copy !req
299. What are you guys
talking about?Copy !req
300. I'm killing.Copy !req
301. Can't you just put
that thing in your locker?Copy !req
302. Hey, who are you
calling a thing?Copy !req
303. Hey, Schweiber,
Nice doll.Copy !req
304. Did it come
with a dress?Copy !req
305. Hey, Seidelman,
Nice head.Copy !req
306. Did it come
with a neck?Copy !req
307. Hey, Morty.Copy !req
308. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
309. I can't control him
sometimes.Copy !req
310. Hey, Schweiber,
how about I kick your butt?Copy !req
311. It's not me,
it's him.Copy !req
312. Oh, okay, right.Copy !req
313. Gotcha.Copy !req
314. Well, how about this?Copy !req
315. How about
I kick your butt...Copy !req
316. and he can talk about it?Copy !req
317. Does that sound
good to you?Copy !req
318. Hey, Seidelman,
knock it off.Copy !req
319. Why don't you go pick
on someone your own size?Copy !req
320. There's a bus
in the parking lot.Copy !req
321. Ha, ha, ha.Copy !req
322. Thanks a lot,
Mr. Kowchevski.Copy !req
323. Some people just don't
appreciate art.Copy !req
324. Yeah, you're a hero.Copy !req
325. What are you,Copy !req
326. a glutton for punishment,
Schwibber?Copy !req
327. It's Schweiber.Copy !req
328. You tell 'em, Morty.Copy !req
329. That stupid dummy
almost got us killed.Copy !req
330. It's not a dummy,
it's a figure.Copy !req
331. He shouldn't even be messing
with that stuff, you know?Copy !req
332. What do you mean?Copy !req
333. Have you seen
the movie "Magic"?Copy !req
334. Yeah. Remember we saw it
instead of seeing "Grease"?Copy !req
335. Yeah. What if Neal
has the kind of dummyCopy !req
336. that's in "Magic"?Copy !req
337. One minute it's all fun
and games, everybody's happy,Copy !req
338. and then, "hey, schmucko,
why don't you go kill Bill?"Copy !req
339. I know he's going through
a hard time and all, but...Copy !req
340. You get to be a jerkCopy !req
341. just because your dad's
having an affair?Copy !req
342. Hey.Copy !req
343. How's it goin'?Copy !req
344. Remember me?Copy !req
345. From McKinley?Copy !req
346. Daniel.Copy !req
347. I don't know. Maybe.Copy !req
348. So, uh, how's
the dropping out going?Copy !req
349. A lot better than
the stayin' in was.Copy !req
350. A lot fewer idiots
hassling me all the time.Copy !req
351. Yeah. That's cool.Copy !req
352. Do you want something?Copy !req
353. Aren't you the guyCopy !req
354. that had
that psycho girlfriend?Copy !req
355. Yeah, but, uh...Copy !req
356. We don't really share
the same interests anymore.Copy !req
357. Well, that's too bad.Copy !req
358. Yeah, you know, like...Copy !req
359. It's like, you know, she's not
into current affairs, I am.Copy !req
360. She's not a punker,
I am.Copy !req
361. Really?Copy !req
362. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
363. You know
what punkers don't do?Copy !req
364. Call themselves punkers.Copy !req
365. Uh huh.Copy !req
366. Who do you listen to?Copy !req
367. Clash, Iggy,
The Ramones,Copy !req
368. Sex Pistols...Copy !req
369. All the obvious guys.Copy !req
370. Yeah, well, you know I listen
to more obscure stuff too.Copy !req
371. What are you doin'?Copy !req
372. This is where
I'll be Saturday night.Copy !req
373. It's called The Armpit.Copy !req
374. It's downtown.Copy !req
375. So...Copy !req
376. Maybe I'll see you there.Copy !req
377. Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
378. Yeah, but if I did
pull the fire alarm,Copy !req
379. would all the girls
get dressedCopy !req
380. before they ran out
of the locker room?Copy !req
381. Or would they
just run out naked?Copy !req
382. I don't know.Copy !req
383. Hey, where were you guys
during lunch?Copy !req
384. Morty and I had
the lunch ladies cracking up.Copy !req
385. I pretended
there was some guyCopy !req
386. drowning
in the beans.Copy !req
387. Help me!Copy !req
388. Oh. Sorry I missed it.Copy !req
389. All right, I'll see you later,
Mr. Forrester.Copy !req
390. Barry!Copy !req
391. Hey, Groucho.
What's up, buddy?Copy !req
392. - How's it goin', man?
- Great.Copy !req
393. What are you doin' here?Copy !req
394. I made good time
driving in.Copy !req
395. I figured I'd stop by,
see the old prison.Copy !req
396. What is this thing?Copy !req
397. What, are you studying CPR
or something?Copy !req
398. - Hey, Barry.
- Hey, Sam.Copy !req
399. - You look good, man.
- Really?Copy !req
400. Yeah, you look
like a stud.Copy !req
401. Bill,
you're getting huge.Copy !req
402. Thanks.Copy !req
403. Hey, Sam.
I got detention,Copy !req
404. so if Mom asks,
don't tell her where I am.Copy !req
405. Detention?Copy !req
406. Not my Lindsay.Copy !req
407. Neal, what did I tell you
about that?Copy !req
408. Hey.Copy !req
409. - Barry?
- Lindsay.Copy !req
410. - Damn.
- What?Copy !req
411. What is going on
with the Weirs lately?Copy !req
412. You all look so hot.Copy !req
413. Neal, you gotta spend
some more time over there.Copy !req
414. Believe me,
I've been trying.Copy !req
415. So, hey,
how's college?Copy !req
416. Oh, I can't tell you.
It would make you feel bad.Copy !req
417. - Really?
- It's tremendous.Copy !req
418. There's no detention,
there's no -Copy !req
419. Okay, stragglers.Copy !req
420. Come on, why don't you
get to class?Copy !req
421. Hey, Fatass,
why don't you shove it?Copy !req
422. All right, come on.Copy !req
423. Let's go
to the principal's office.Copy !req
424. I'm not, uh,
I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
425. I'm not
I'm... I'mCopy !req
426. I graduated
two years ago.Copy !req
427. Then get...Copy !req
428. Get the hell outta here!Copy !req
429. Okay.
Calm down.Copy !req
430. Lindsay, you're gonna come
to that party tomorrow, right?Copy !req
431. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
432. Neal, I'll see you later.Copy !req
433. Bye, Barry.Copy !req
434. God, I hate it
when they come back!Copy !req
435. Come on, let's go.
Get to class, come on!Copy !req
436. No. Fraternities...
fraternities are lame, Dad.Copy !req
437. - They are not!
- Yes, they are.Copy !req
438. They... you know
what they make you doCopy !req
439. to get into a fraternity?Copy !req
440. You have to, um,
pick up a meatballCopy !req
441. with your rear endCopy !req
442. and walk it to the other
side of the room.Copy !req
443. And if you drop it
on the way,Copy !req
444. they make you
pick it up and eat it.Copy !req
445. Oh! Oh!Copy !req
446. I mean, is that...
is that what you want?Copy !req
447. You... you
actually wanna payCopy !req
448. to have me take part in
that kind of activity?Copy !req
449. Neal, showbiz is looking
better and better.Copy !req
450. So, Barry, are you narrowing in
on a major yet?Copy !req
451. Well, I'm leaning towards
undeclared.Copy !req
452. Right now.Copy !req
453. Yeah, with a minor
in sitting on your ass.Copy !req
454. Hey, that's $1.00, fella.Copy !req
455. For ass?Copy !req
456. No, uh...
It's either that or, uh,Copy !req
457. or... or prelaw.Copy !req
458. - Yeah?
- Ooh.Copy !req
459. - Now we're talkin'!
- Huh?Copy !req
460. Not really, but look
how excited they getCopy !req
461. when I say it.Copy !req
462. Unbelievable.Copy !req
463. How are the women
treating you, huh?Copy !req
464. I do all right.Copy !req
465. I do all right.Copy !req
466. I'm just playing the field
a little bit right now.Copy !req
467. Oh, that's good!Copy !req
468. You don't wanna
get tied down too young.Copy !req
469. Besides,
you're a Schweiber man!Copy !req
470. Irresistible
to the ladies.Copy !req
471. Isn't that right,
honey?Copy !req
472. Yes, that's right.Copy !req
473. And I'm
the lucky galCopy !req
474. who gets three Schweiber men
all to myself!Copy !req
475. Haaaa!Copy !req
476. Whoa!Copy !req
477. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
478. Kiss for you?Copy !req
479. No, not for me.Copy !req
480. Close the door.
Close the door.Copy !req
481. Okay?
It's okay.Copy !req
482. It's all right.
It's okay.Copy !req
483. It's all right.
Kiss for you.Copy !req
484. No, not for me.
Okay?Copy !req
485. Okay.
It's all right?Copy !req
486. It's all right
Kiss for you?Copy !req
487. Okay, now you're
creeping me out.Copy !req
488. What?Copy !req
489. Well, I liked when
Senor Wences did it.Copy !req
490. But I don't know what...Copy !req
491. what you're trying
to accomplish.Copy !req
492. Um...Copy !req
493. Barry, there's something
I've been, um,Copy !req
494. meaning to
talk to you about.Copy !req
495. What's that?Copy !req
496. It's about Dad.Copy !req
497. What about him?Copy !req
498. I really don't know
how to say it.Copy !req
499. You're probably
gonna get upset.Copy !req
500. I'm not gonna get upset.
Just say it.Copy !req
501. I think
Dad is cheating on Mom.Copy !req
502. How did you find out?Copy !req
503. It's a long story,Copy !req
504. but I'm pretty sure
I'm right.Copy !req
505. You're right.
You're right.Copy !req
506. What?Copy !req
507. Dad cheats on Mom.Copy !req
508. I know... I've...
I know.Copy !req
509. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
510. I... I spotted them
at a... at a movie once,Copy !req
511. and he was sitting with,
like, a young redhead.Copy !req
512. Uh, did he see you?Copy !req
513. I don't know.
I don't know.Copy !req
514. He, uh, that year,Copy !req
515. he bought me a... a car
for my birthday.Copy !req
516. Wha...Copy !req
517. Why didn't you tell me?Copy !req
518. Why would I tell you?Copy !req
519. Did you tell Mom?Copy !req
520. No! No.Copy !req
521. Why not? He's making
a fool out of her.Copy !req
522. So, uh, huh.Copy !req
523. You wanna tell her?Copy !req
524. Is that
what you wanna do?Copy !req
525. You wanna tell her
so they can get divorced?Copy !req
526. Right?Copy !req
527. So they can
sell the house,Copy !req
528. and you get to see...Copy !req
529. Dad only on the weekends...Copy !req
530. in his...
in his new apartment.Copy !req
531. Is that what you want?Copy !req
532. Hey, Nick.Copy !req
533. Maybe, uh, maybe you'll get
lucky at the punk club tonight.Copy !req
534. You think so?Copy !req
535. Sure.Copy !req
536. You know, all these punk girls
hate themselves.Copy !req
537. It's got to improve
your chances.Copy !req
538. That's really,
really funny.Copy !req
539. Ow!Copy !req
540. You know, stop it.Copy !req
541. He looks good.Copy !req
542. Shut up! Get in.Copy !req
543. You look really good.Copy !req
544. Can I use you
to clean out my ear later?Copy !req
545. Hey, uh,
Edgar Winter called.Copy !req
546. He says he needs his hair back
for a gig tonight.Copy !req
547. Yeah, yeah, yeah!Copy !req
548. We'll see who looks stupid
when we get there.Copy !req
549. Oh, honey,Copy !req
550. you talk
to three people,Copy !req
551. and that's two hours
right there.Copy !req
552. Okay, Lindsay,
we'll be back early!Copy !req
553. Wait a minute!Copy !req
554. Oh, here it comes,Copy !req
555. "dad, can I borrow
some money?"Copy !req
556. I decided
to go with you guys.Copy !req
557. Wow!
You look great!Copy !req
558. What made you
change your mind?Copy !req
559. Well, uh...Copy !req
560. Dad is right.Copy !req
561. I'm part of this family
and...Copy !req
562. He's my dentist too.
I should go.Copy !req
563. Hear that, Jean?
I was right about something!Copy !req
564. Maybe we should take a picture
of this moment, huh?Copy !req
565. Hey, hey, Phyllis,
hi, how are you?Copy !req
566. Zev, how are those
partials working out?Copy !req
567. Oh, my goodness!
Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
568. The Weirs are here!Copy !req
569. So glad you decided
to come this year.Copy !req
570. Look at you, Jean, wow!
You look terrific!Copy !req
571. Thanks. Thanks
for inviting us.Copy !req
572. Lindsay, hi! You too.
Aren't you a looker?Copy !req
573. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
574. And, Sammy,
give me some skin, babe.Copy !req
575. Okay, man.
Uh, I think, uh,Copy !req
576. Neal and Bill have gotta be
around here somewhere.Copy !req
577. - Yeah.
- Go find 'em.Copy !req
578. Big Harry,
need a drink?Copy !req
579. Yeah, I do.
Yeah.Copy !req
580. Nobody
calls me Harry.Copy !req
581. - Shh.
- All right.Copy !req
582. I'm giving you
these now.Copy !req
583. There's no way
I'm gonna spend all nightCopy !req
584. listening to the same
old dentist jokesCopy !req
585. without plenty
of anesthesia.Copy !req
586. Oh, honey, go easy.Copy !req
587. Do you want me
to take this from you?Copy !req
588. 'Cause you're not eating it.Copy !req
589. You don't want it
to go to waste.Copy !req
590. Hey!Copy !req
591. Ah... um...Copy !req
592. Can... will you excuse me...
a second?Copy !req
593. Man, isn't this great?Copy !req
594. No one carded us.
I like it.Copy !req
595. Yeah, man, no rules!Copy !req
596. - Yeah.
- Can do what we want here.Copy !req
597. Whoa, I'm not sure
what that is.Copy !req
598. I am.Copy !req
599. I'll be at the bar.Copy !req
600. Yeah!Copy !req
601. Yeah!Copy !req
602. If one more person asks meCopy !req
603. what my major
is going to be,Copy !req
604. I'm gonna snap.Copy !req
605. I'm gonna lose it.Copy !req
606. You want to ask me that,
don't you?Copy !req
607. No! Uh uh.
Not if you're gonna snap!Copy !req
608. Honestly,
I have no idea.Copy !req
609. You know, uh, do you know
what you're gonna major in?Copy !req
610. No. Not a clue.Copy !req
611. Probably I'll just be glad
I'm out of high school.Copy !req
612. Barry?Copy !req
613. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
614. Melvin Latz,
one of your father's partners.Copy !req
615. - Oh! How are you doing?
- Hi, good to see you.Copy !req
616. - It's been a while.
- Yeah.Copy !req
617. How's school?Copy !req
618. Oh, it's great.Copy !req
619. Have you chosen
a major yet?Copy !req
620. Hey!Copy !req
621. Hey!Copy !req
622. Where are the drinks, man?Copy !req
623. Bartender's a bastard!Copy !req
624. She keeps ignoring me.Copy !req
625. She's only served people
with stupid haircuts!Copy !req
626. Daniel, you go.Copy !req
627. Bite me, man.Copy !req
628. There she is.Copy !req
629. See you guys later.Copy !req
630. Hey!Copy !req
631. What?Copy !req
632. What do you mean, what?Copy !req
633. You asked me
to come here.Copy !req
634. Oh, it's you.Copy !req
635. Yeah.Copy !req
636. You look different.Copy !req
637. Well, you know,
this is the real me.Copy !req
638. Yeah?Copy !req
639. Yeah.Copy !req
640. Hey!Copy !req
641. Yeah!Copy !req
642. Hey!Copy !req
643. How do you like the band?Copy !req
644. Yeah, Puss rules!Copy !req
645. It's Pus!Copy !req
646. And they're on next.Copy !req
647. Yeah, I know!
They rule!Copy !req
648. And so the dentist says,
I know you heard it already,Copy !req
649. the dentist says,
"make up your mind, honey.Copy !req
650. I gotta adjust the chair."Copy !req
651. Harold,
you want another?Copy !req
652. Don't mind if I do.Copy !req
653. Jean?Copy !req
654. I better not.
I'm driving.Copy !req
655. Ahh.Copy !req
656. A dentist joke!Copy !req
657. He's an...
he's an actor!Copy !req
658. Meanwhile, Bush is the former
head of the C.I.A.Copy !req
659. Come on, you really thinkCopy !req
660. John Hinckley
was working for him?Copy !req
661. Uh, not directly, but yes.Copy !req
662. That's ridiculous.Copy !req
663. Well, at least I find it
easier to believeCopy !req
664. than that, uh, fakakte
Jodie Foster story.Copy !req
665. Faka... what?Copy !req
666. Oh, sorry. Fakakte.Copy !req
667. It's, uh, yiddish
for, like, lame.Copy !req
668. Oh, yeah. Okay.Copy !req
669. Fakakte!Copy !req
670. That's very good.Copy !req
671. Thanks.Copy !req
672. You wanna get outta here?Copy !req
673. Wanna go take a walk?Copy !req
674. Yeah.Copy !req
675. Ugh.Copy !req
676. Uhhh.Copy !req
677. Oh. Ow.Copy !req
678. Are you okay?Copy !req
679. Is there a bathroom
around here?Copy !req
680. Over there!Copy !req
681. All right.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
682. Man, can you believe
how many posers are out there?Copy !req
683. Yeah, I ain't no poser, man,
check this out.Copy !req
684. What? I ain't callin' you
a poser, man.Copy !req
685. Relax.Copy !req
686. I don't know,
he was really into me,Copy !req
687. but he was just stoned
all the time.Copy !req
688. Hmm.Copy !req
689. Do you smoke?Copy !req
690. No. What, are you crazy?
It gets me paranoid.Copy !req
691. Yeah? Me too.Copy !req
692. Yeah, I lock myself
in my room.Copy !req
693. It's bad.Copy !req
694. Yeah,
that stuff, it's fakakte.Copy !req
695. That...
That's it, though,Copy !req
696. That's the perfect
use of that word.Copy !req
697. Thanks.Copy !req
698. Wait, so what
were we talking about?Copy !req
699. Your... Your friends.Copy !req
700. Oh, yeah.
They're really fun,Copy !req
701. and they're...
they're funny.Copy !req
702. But they're just...Copy !req
703. Well, they don't inspire me
or challenge me.Copy !req
704. I don't know,
does that sound mean?Copy !req
705. Relax.
You think too much.Copy !req
706. Yeah.
Tell me about it.Copy !req
707. You know...Copy !req
708. When you get to college,
it's funny, it's, like,Copy !req
709. all that high school stuff
disappears.Copy !req
710. Really, it's like...Copy !req
711. It's a do-over.Copy !req
712. I mean,
when you get there...Copy !req
713. It's, like, no one knows
that you were an athleteCopy !req
714. or that you were
a burnout.Copy !req
715. It's like
a fresh start.Copy !req
716. You can be
whoever you wanna be.Copy !req
717. Like, take... take me
for instance.Copy !req
718. When I was
in high school,Copy !req
719. I got... I got beat up
more than Neal, you know.Copy !req
720. But when I got
to college, I mean,Copy !req
721. you didn't... you didn't
hear me say, "hey, look at me!Copy !req
722. I'm the guy that got beat up
every day!Copy !req
723. That was me!"Copy !req
724. No, I said,Copy !req
725. "look at me, I'm the
the handsome,Copy !req
726. dashing Jew."Copy !req
727. And, huh,
people bought it!Copy !req
728. Which is...Copy !req
729. Yeah.Copy !req
730. I buy it.Copy !req
731. You see
what I'm saying?Copy !req
732. So what do I wanna be?Copy !req
733. Give me the weekend.Copy !req
734. And I'll come up
with something good.Copy !req
735. Hey, look at you.
Hey.Copy !req
736. Oh, look at me,
look at me,Copy !req
737. I'm such a good husband.Copy !req
738. Blah, blah, blah.Copy !req
739. You know,
"Fantasy Island" is on.Copy !req
740. We could watch that.Copy !req
741. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
742. I'd like
to propose a toast.Copy !req
743. To the woman without whom
we'd all be hungryCopy !req
744. and without whom my life
wouldn't be complete.Copy !req
745. Mmm.Copy !req
746. - Cheers.
- Hear, hear.Copy !req
747. This sucks.
I gotta get outta here.Copy !req
748. Oh, no.Copy !req
749. Oh.Copy !req
750. Hey, buddy.Copy !req
751. Hey, Neal.Copy !req
752. Don't... don't
let me interrupt.Copy !req
753. I was just out for...Copy !req
754. Hey! I've been lookin'
all over for you.Copy !req
755. What?Copy !req
756. Well, I want you to do
your ventriloquism act.Copy !req
757. What?Copy !req
758. N... no, not now.Copy !req
759. Why? With a friendly
audience like this?Copy !req
760. Come on, who wants to see Neal
do his ventriloquism?Copy !req
761. Yeah.Copy !req
762. Ha, ha, ha, ha!Copy !req
763. Go on!Copy !req
764. Go on,
get your dummy.Copy !req
765. It's called a figure!Copy !req
766. Oh, gosh.Copy !req
767. These artistic types,Copy !req
768. very sensitive,
you know.Copy !req
769. How's your head?Copy !req
770. It's fine. You know,
just another battle scar.Copy !req
771. Just hold still.Copy !req
772. All right.Copy !req
773. Just do it.Copy !req
774. Almost done.Copy !req
775. There you go.Copy !req
776. Thank you!Copy !req
777. Thank you very much.Copy !req
778. Who's next?Copy !req
779. I am.Copy !req
780. Just gonna ice it
for a minute.Copy !req
781. All right.Copy !req
782. Hey, Daniel,
what are you doin', man?Copy !req
783. Never mind.Copy !req
784. Hey, uh, Daniel,
I don't thinkCopy !req
785. this is such
a good idea, man.Copy !req
786. Forget it.Copy !req
787. Ready?Copy !req
788. Yeah.Copy !req
789. Okay. On three...Copy !req
790. I'll push it through.Copy !req
791. - Billy!
- One...Copy !req
792. Two...Copy !req
793. - Three!
- Wait! Ow!Copy !req
794. Ohh.Copy !req
795. Oh, jeez.Copy !req
796. - Oh, my god.
- Ow!Copy !req
797. You've ruined it,
you wimp.Copy !req
798. - Oh, jeez, man.
- Shut up.Copy !req
799. Can we get outta here?Copy !req
800. That's makin' me sick, man.Copy !req
801. Let's get out,
Where's Ken?Copy !req
802. - That's...
- Shut up!Copy !req
803. - ... terrible!
- Where's Ken?Copy !req
804. Well, let's check this out.Copy !req
805. Ladies and gentlemen!Copy !req
806. Uh, Neal and Morty!Copy !req
807. - Hey!
- Whoohoo!Copy !req
808. Uh, hi, everybody!Copy !req
809. M... Morty, say hello
to the nice people.Copy !req
810. Hello, nice people.Copy !req
811. Hi. Hi, Morty!Copy !req
812. Say, how come these people
are so funny looking?Copy !req
813. W... what do you mean?Copy !req
814. Their teeth!Copy !req
815. They're terrible!Copy !req
816. Morty, I mean,
come on.Copy !req
817. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
818. Haven't they ever heard
of a toothbrush?Copy !req
819. Morty! Wh... what do
you mean by that?Copy !req
820. Look at them.
Look at these people.Copy !req
821. Look at that lady
over there.Copy !req
822. Her teeth are so bad,Copy !req
823. she should be
a professional hockey player.Copy !req
824. Boo.Copy !req
825. All right, can we,Copy !req
826. can we just get
to the act now, please?Copy !req
827. Oh, sure thing,
sure thing.Copy !req
828. All right.Copy !req
829. What's the differenceCopy !req
830. between a proctologist
and a dentist?Copy !req
831. I... I don't know,
what?Copy !req
832. Ha! One's a doctor
of the assCopy !req
833. and the other's
an ass who's a doctor.Copy !req
834. Morty, come on,
be nice.Copy !req
835. All right,
all right, all right.Copy !req
836. Well, uh, okay,
here... here's another one.Copy !req
837. Here's another one.Copy !req
838. Okay. What's the difference
between a dentistCopy !req
839. and a brand new pair
of leather shoes?Copy !req
840. I... I don't know,
What?Copy !req
841. A brandnew pair
of leather shoesCopy !req
842. will never give you
an unnecessary root canalCopy !req
843. so he can build
an addition on his house.Copy !req
844. - Okay.
- Hey, Morty,Copy !req
845. come on, that's not
really funny.Copy !req
846. All right, all right.Copy !req
847. Dr. Schweiber
is a wonderful dentist.Copy !req
848. I ain't lettin' him
touch me.Copy !req
849. He's not gonna
put me under.Copy !req
850. Ha, next thing I know
I'll wake upCopy !req
851. and my wisdom teeth'll
be goneCopy !req
852. along with my virginity!Copy !req
853. Okay. Okay, that's enough.
Thank you.Copy !req
854. All right,
thank you.Copy !req
855. Why is Dr. Schweiber
a dentist?Copy !req
856. I... I have no idea, why?Copy !req
857. Because he's so stupidCopy !req
858. he flunked
out of medical school!Copy !req
859. Okay, that's enough, Neal.Copy !req
860. Thank you.Copy !req
861. Oh, yeah, that's enough,
thank you.Copy !req
862. - Thank you!
- There's more.Copy !req
863. Neal and Morty's show
is over, folks.Copy !req
864. Thank you very much.Copy !req
865. Hey, hey!Copy !req
866. You're out of order!
You're out of order!Copy !req
867. This whole dental practice
is out of order!Copy !req
868. Okay,
that's enough.Copy !req
869. Hey, hey,
get your hands off me.Copy !req
870. - Neal, Neal!
- Get your hands off me!Copy !req
871. Leave me alone!Copy !req
872. Excuse me.Copy !req
873. See?Copy !req
874. Told you that thing
would take him over.Copy !req
875. Honey,
what's going on?Copy !req
876. I told him
I didn't wanna do it.Copy !req
877. - Neal-
- I...Copy !req
878. He asked for
a comedy routine,Copy !req
879. a... and that's what he got.Copy !req
880. Neal, what's wrong?Copy !req
881. Nothing.Copy !req
882. You can tell me,
it's all right.Copy !req
883. - No, I can't tell you.
- Why?Copy !req
884. Because I don't wanna
ruin your life.Copy !req
885. Dad's cheating on you.Copy !req
886. It's okay.Copy !req
887. I'm sorry, Mom.Copy !req
888. Shh.Copy !req
889. Sorry.Copy !req
890. It's okay.Copy !req
891. Why is it okay?Copy !req
892. Marriage is a very
complicated thing.Copy !req
893. But there is nothing...Copy !req
894. that is more important to me
than you and your brother.Copy !req
895. Your father and I love you more
than anything in the world.Copy !req
896. Now, he and I have got
the rest of our livesCopy !req
897. to work out our marriage,Copy !req
898. but we've only got
a couple more yearsCopy !req
899. with you here.Copy !req
900. Do you mean you know?Copy !req
901. Neal,
we're working on it.Copy !req
902. Shh.Copy !req
903. But that's between me
and your father.Copy !req
904. Nothing will ever
change the factCopy !req
905. that we love you
very, very much.Copy !req
906. And you and Morty
are very funny.Copy !req
907. Thanks, Mom.Copy !req
908. Hey, where's that kid?
He was hilarious.Copy !req
909. Honey, come on.Copy !req
910. Lindsay, sweetie,
come on, we better go.Copy !req
911. Where are we going?Copy !req
912. Oh, my god,
you guys are hammered.Copy !req
913. We're your parents,
we're not hammered.Copy !req
914. No, a little tipsy, maybe.Copy !req
915. Well, your father,
he's hammered.Copy !req
916. You're driving,
all right?Copy !req
917. Yeah, I'll be out
in a minute, okay?Copy !req
918. Oh, okay.Copy !req
919. Mmm, shh. No,
take your time, all right?Copy !req
920. Yeah, I gotta go.Copy !req
921. Can I come, please?Copy !req
922. Oh, I know,
I can't come.Copy !req
923. I think you've got
your hands full here.Copy !req
924. Yeah.Copy !req
925. Well...Copy !req
926. It was great seeing you.Copy !req
927. Well, this was the best
Schweiber party ever.Copy !req
928. Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
929. Well, uh, listen,Copy !req
930. you're in Wisconsin,Copy !req
931. you're gonna come
visit me, right?Copy !req
932. Yeah.Copy !req
933. Okay, I'm... my dorm is
right next to a field of cows.Copy !req
934. Make a right at the cow,Copy !req
935. and there I'll be.Copy !req
936. - All right?
- Got you.Copy !req
937. Right at the cow.Copy !req
938. And right.
You got it.Copy !req
939. All right,
I'll see you.Copy !req
940. Take it easy.Copy !req
941. Have fun at school.Copy !req
942. I'll try.Copy !req