Freaks and Geeks 1x15

1. Dr. Schweiber?

2. Sam saw your dad hugging a lady

3. At the mall last night.

4. This clicker isn't for our garage door.

5. Maybe your dad has a secret love nest.

6. Bill, that is not sexy.

7. Yes, it is.

8. Bill, it looks like you're having a seizure.

9. Women love this.

10. They don't care that rerun's fat

11. 'Cause he's got the moves.

12. Come on. you guys get up here.

13. Try it.

14. Sam, come on, shake it.

15. You won't break it.

16. Ok.

17. You cut me off mid-funk.

18. Look, neal, you always want to impress the ladies.

19. Th this is how you do it.

20. At's never impressed the ladies.

21. It's 'cause i haven't done it in front of the ladies.

22. Look, if i had,

23. I'd be fighting 'em off with a stick.

24. Guys, let's get serious.

25. That is not going to impress the women.

26. Trust me.

27. Ok, and you know what will, don't you?

28. As a matter of fact, i do.

29. I've discovered something that will change our lives.

30. It'll bring us power, respect, and money,

31. And it's right here in the suitcase.

32. What is it?

33. You sure you want to know?

34. Ha ha!

35. Yes, so open it up.

36. Think you can handle it?

37. Yeah. Open it.

38. Gentlemen...

39. Say hello to morty.

40. Hi, dummies.

41. Is that, uh, is that jenna zank?

42. Oh, yeah. yeah.

43. Didn't she drop out ?

44. Why would you drop out ?

45. And stay in chippewa?

46. That's crazy.

47. She used to be so hot.

48. Yeah.

49. She still is.

50. Yeah, if you like clowns.

51. Clowns.

52. Mmm...

53. By the way, i got a late rsvp from jim narotsky.

54. He and liz are coming.

55. Are there any more ?

56. 'Cause you keep adding on like this,

57. I'm gonna have to get more food.

58. Lillian, we've had this party

59. Every year now for 10 years,

60. And we've never run out of food,

61. Not even come close.

62. Ell your dad

63. About your history test?

64. Well, that doesn't sound good.

65. I got a "d."

66. "D"? What, did you even get your name right at least?

67. What happened?i-i d

68. On't know. i guess i studied wrong.

69. Honey, this is a few grades like this.

70. Doou think that maybe...

71. Morty is distracting you a little bit from your studies?

72. Ism.

73. Hey, we're just trying to talk here, buddy.

74. We just want to make sure you're all right.

75. I'm sorry. I had a couple of bad tests.

76. I'll do better. i promise.

77. All we ask is that you try your hardest.

78. I will.

79. May i be excused? willie tyler and lester

80. Are on thehollywood squares this week.

81. I gotta watch.

82. Sure.

83. Harold, we have to go or the schweibers will be offended.

84. We missed it last year.

85. We didn't miss anything.

86. It's the same party year after year.

87. It's smarmy.

88. What kind of doctor invites his patients over

89. To listen to his dental jokes?

90. It's sick.

91. Honey, we have to go.

92. Mom, i don't have to go, do i?

93. I don'out of it.

94. He's your dentist, too.

95. Fine. I'll switch dentists.

96. Say, that's an idea.

97. Harold, you are acting like a child.

98. Now, we're going.

99. Lindsay, you don't have to go.

100. Yes.

101. Hey, neal, can i put my history book in your locker

102. Until after next period?

103. I don't have a lot of extra room.

104. Aah!

105. Ok, now you're inging the dummy to school with you?

106. Hey, it's called a figure, not a dummy.

107. A dummy is someone who calls it one.

108. Oh, is it?

109. No, don't take it out.

110. Relax. it's just morty, bill.

111. Yeah, you got a problem?

112. Tell it not to talk to me.

113. Oh, bet you want a piece of me, huh, stretch?

114. Shut up already.

115. Sorry.

116. Just need time to rehearse.

117. My brother's coming home this weekend,

118. So i won't have much time then.

119. What are you rehearsing for?

120. Is there some sort of a talent show or something?

121. For life.

122. I'm taking control.

123. I know i can't depend on my crazy parents anymore.

124. Who knows? I can make big bucks with this.

125. I doubt it.

126. I mean, ventriloquism isn't funny.

127. Perhaps you've never seen a little show calledsoap.

128. I mean, that guy's hilarious.

129. Now he's rich, thanks to ventriloquism.

130. When barry comes home this weekend,

131. I think i'm gonna tell him about our dad.

132. What, about that woman?

133. Mm-hmm.

134. You think that's a good idea?

135. Well, i have to tell him. he's my brother.

136. Mrs. Desario: DANIEL!

137. Daniel, you come back here.

138. I need you to run to the drug store

139. And pick up your father's prescriptions.

140. I can't, ma. i got to go to music.

141. You know i can't leave him alone. He might fall.

142. Well, why don't you call joey? He's not working.

143. Oh, yeah. Trust your brother with those painkillers?

144. Never again.

145. All

146. Right, fine. i'll go after school,

147. But i gotta go. I can't get any more tardies.

148. It cannot wait. your father's in pain.

149. I need you to do this now.

150. What do you want me to do? I'm in high school.

151. Oh, yeah, when it's convenient for you, you are.

152. You're 18. You're going to be the oldest junior in michigan.

153. What do you want me to do?

154. I can bring us you want me to drop out?

155. Home a big whopping 2.50 an hour.

156. You know i wouldn't turn that down.

157. Hey, come on, daniel. what am i supposed to do here?

158. What do you mean, what are you supposed to do?

159. You're supposed to go inside, take care of him.

160. I'm supposed to go to school.

161. It's called wednesday.

162. Where you goin'?

163. I'm gonna get the stupid pills.

164. Hey, desario!

165. What?

166. I've been waiting for you.

167. Where the hell were you this morning?

168. You have my notes.

169. Oh, i was held up.

170. Well, thanks a lot.

171. I failed a test because of you.

172. What are you talking about?

173. It was an open-notes test.

174. I left my bag in your car last night.

175. Oh, so it's my fault

176. No that you left your bag in my car?

177. . It's your fault that you're the most unreliable guy

178. On the face of the planet.

179. Well, you're certainly reliable.

180. You're always a bitch.

181. Why don' you know what, daniel?

182. T you enjoy spending the rest of your life alone?

183. Uh, neal, i don't see your report here.

184. I-i did it.

185. Where is it?

186. In my mind.

187. I didn't want to write it down

188. Because i didn't want to kill a tree.

189. Did you know that our rainforests are disappearing?

190. Neal

191. Hector.

192. All right, that's it.

193. You just bought yourself a ticket to the principal's office.

194. You mean to see jerry? i love that guy.

195. He owes me money!

196. Girl: PUT ME DOWN!

197. Put me down!

198. Come on. You know you love me!

199. You're crushing my ribs!

200. Put her down.

201. What? We're just having some fun.

202. No, i'm not. put me down.

203. I said put her down!

204. Ow!

205. That hurt, you burn-out.

206. Yeah, well, it's supposed to hurt, you jerk.

207. Hey! miss weir...

208. Leave me alone.

209. We don't hit people here at mckinley.

210. Yeah, what's your problem?

211. I think she's high, man.

212. She went crazy on me.

213. He wouldn't put her down.

214. We were just messing around.

215. Ay!

216. All right, that's it.

217. The two of you can work it out

218. This afternoon in detention.

219. What?

220. Burn-out!

221. Mr. Botwinick, i was just trying to help her.

222. She looks like she can take care of herself.

223. Sorry, friend.

224. Pick up a little bug the other night.

225. Long story.

226. Look, mr. Rosso, i'm really sorry i mouthed off in class.

227. I'll apologize to mr. Lacovara. I promise.

228. It'll never happen again.

229. Neal, have a seat.

230. Here's what i see-

231. A kid whose grades have taken a sudden tumble,

232. And for the first time, starting to get into trouble.

233. Now, in my business,

234. We call those warning signs.

235. I'm here to help you,

236. But i can't help you if you won't talk to me.

237. Really, mr. Rosso, everything's fine.

238. Neal, sometimes we like to say that everything's fine

239. Because, really, things aren't fine.

240. Everything's fine.

241. I've had kids lying to me since before you were born.

242. You're new to it, and you're not that good at it.

243. Come on.

244. Ok.

245. You want me to talk? you think it'll help?

246. Fine.

247. My father is a womanizer.

248. He's cheating on my mother, and she has no clue,

249. And i have to decide whether or not to tell her.

250. Daniel, you're father trying to sleep.

251. All right, i'll be quiet.

252. He's always trying to sleep.

253. Rise aboveplays]

254. Jealous cowards try to control

255. Rise above, we're gonna rise above

256. They distort what we say

257. Rise above, we're gonna rise above

258. Try to stop what we do

259. Rise above, we're gonna rise above

260. When they can't do it themselves

261. Rise above, we're gonna rise above

262. We are tired of your abuse

263. Uh, what are you doing, miss weir?

264. What? I'm doing my homework.

265. That's not allowed in here.

266. What?

267. This is detention.

268. Thpoint is to think about what you've done.

269. What?

270. Why would you want to keep these people from studying?

271. I mean, isn't that the point?

272. You can't schoolwork at school?

273. It's the stupidest thing i've ever heard.

274. Teachers just quarantine bad kids

275. And make them sit and stare into space

276. Until their brains get numb?

277. You're manufacturing idiots.

278. What kind of system is this?

279. I'm doing my homework.

280. Uh, no, you're not, miss weir.

281. Put the books aw, and you know what?

282. You're not doing your homework tomorrow afternoon

283. When you come in here, too.

284. What? That's insane.

285. And you're not doing your homework friday

286. When you come in here.

287. Ha!

288. Botwinick's an idiot.

289. Seidelman's an idiot.

290. This school turns people into idiots.

291. It's this school.

292. I hate this school.

293. I broke up with daniel.

294. Really?

295. Yeah.

296. Well, that's a good thing, right?

297. Yeah, i guess.

298. Well...then congratulations.

299. Thank you.

300. Ha. This food is fit for a king.

301. Here, king. here, king.

302. Hey, honey.

303. What do you say i ditch this chump

304. And you and me get out of here?

305. Sam, do you see another table open?

306. Neal, people are looking at us.

307. And not in a good way.

308. What are you guys talking about? I'm killing.

309. Can't you just put that thing in your locker?

310. Hey, who are you calling a thing?

311. Hey, schweiber, nice doll.

312. Did it come with a dress?

313. Hey, seidelman, nice head.

314. Did it come with a neck?

315. Hey, morty.

316. I'm really sorry.

317. I can't control him sometimes.

318. Hey, schweiber, how about i kick your butt?

319. It's not me, it's him.

320. Oh, ok, right.

321. Gotcha.

322. Well, how about this?

323. How about i kick your butt...

324. And he can talk about it?

325. Does that sound good to you?

326. Hey, seidelman, knock it off.

327. Why don't you go pk on someone your own size?

328. There's a bus in the parking lot.

329. Ha ha ha.

330. Thanks a lot, mr. Kowchevski.

331. Some people just don't appreciate art.

332. Yeah, you're a hero.

333. What are you,

334. A gl

335. Ton for punishment, schwibber?

336. It'sschweiber.

337. You tell 'em, morty.

338. That stupid dummy almost got us killed.

339. "It's not a dummy, it's a figure."

340. He shouldn't even be messing with that stuff, you know?

341. What do you mean?

342. Have you seen the moviemagic?

343. Yeah. Remember we saw it instead of seeinggrease?

344. Yeah. What if neal has the kind of dummy

345. You that's inmagic?

346. Know, one minute it's all fun and games, everybody's happy,

347. And then, "hey, schmucko, why don't you go kill bill?"

348. I know he's going through a hard time and all, but...

349. You get to be a jerk

350. Just because your dad's having an affair?

351. Hey.

352. How's it goin'?

353. Remember me?

354. FROM mckinley?

355. Daniel.

356. I don't know. Maybe.

357. So, uh, how's the dropping out going?

358. A lot better than the stayin' in was.

359. A lot fewer idiots hassling me all the time.

360. Yeah. That's cool.

361. Do you want something?

362. Aren't you the guy

363. That had that psycho girlfriend?

364. Yeah, but, uh...

365. We don't really share the same interests anymore.

366. Well, that's too bad.

367. Yeah, you know, like...

368. It's like, you know, she's not into current affairs, i am.

369. She's not a punker, i am.

370. Really?

371. Yeah, that's right.

372. You know what punkers don't do?

373. Call themselves punkers.

374. Uh-huh.

375. Who do you listen to?

376. Clash, iggy, the ramones,

377. Sex pistols...

378. All the obvious guys.

379. Yeah, well, you know i listen to more obscure stuff, too.

380. What are you doin'?

381. This is where i'll be saturday night.

382. It's called the armpit.

383. It's downtown.

384. So...

385. Maybe i'll see you there.

386. Yeah, definitely.

387. Yeah, but if i did pull the firalarm,

388. Would all the girls get dressed

389. Before they ran out of the locker room?

390. Or would they just run out naked?

391. I don't know.

392. Hey, where were you guys during lunch?

393. Morty and i had the lunch ladies cracking up.

394. I pretended there was some guy

395. Drowning in the beans.

396. Help me!

397. Oh. Sorry i missed it.

398. All right, i'll see you later, mr. Forrester.

399. Barry!

400. Hey, groucho. what's up, buddy?

401. How's it goin', man?

402. Great. What are you doin' here?

403. I made good time driving in.

404. I figured i'd stop by, see the old prison.

405. What is this thing?

406. What, are you studying cpr or something?

407. Hey, barry. hey, sam.

408. You look good, man. really?

409. Ye, you look like a stud.

410. Bill, you're getting huge.

411. Thanks.

412. Hey, sam. i have detention,

413. So if mom asks, don't tell her where i am.

414. Detention?

415. Not my lindsay.

416. Neal, what did i tell you about that?

417. Hey, barry.

418. Lindsay. Damn.

419. What?

420. What is going on with the weirs lately?

421. You all look so hot.

422. Neal, you gotta spend some more time over there.

423. Believe me, i've been trying.

424. So, hey, how's college?

425. Oh, i can't tell you.

426. It would make you feel bad.

427. Really? it's tremendous.

428. There's no detention, there's no-

429. Ok stragglers.

430. Come on, why d't you get to class?

431. Hey, fat ass, why don't you shove it?

432. All right, come on.

433. Let's go to the principal's office.

434. I'm

435. Not, uh, i'm not going anywhere.

436. I'm not-i'm-i'm-

437. I graduated 2 years ago.

438. Then get...

439. Get the hell outta here!

440. Ok.

441. Calm down.

442. Lindsay, you're gonna come to that party tomorrow, right?

443. Yeah. Ok. ok.

444. Neal, i'll see you later.

445. Bye, barry.

446. God, i hate it when they come back!

447. Come on, let's go. get to class, come on!

448. No. Fraternities - fraternities are lame, dad.

449. They are not!

450. Yes, they are.

451. They-you know what they make you do

452. To get into a fraternity?

453. You have to, um, pick up a meatball

454. And with your rear end

455. Walk it to the other side of the room.

456. And if you drop it on the way,

457. They make you pick it up and eat it.

458. Oh!i me oh!

459. An, is that - is that what you want?

460. You-you actually wanna pay

461. To havme take part in that kind of activity?

462. Neal, showbiz is looking better and better.

463. So, barry, ar

464. E you narrowing in on a major yet?

465. Well, i'm leaning towards undeclared.

466. Right now.

467. Yeah, with a minor

468. In sitting on your ass.

469. Hey, that's $1.00, fella.

470. For ass?

471. No, uh...it's either that or, uh,

472. Or-or pre-law.

473. Yeah? ooh.

474. No

475. W we're talkin'! Huh?

476. Not really, but look how excited they get when i say it.

477. Unbelievable.

478. How are the women treating you, huh?

479. I do all right.

480. I'm ju i do all right.

481. St playing the field a little bit right now.

482. Oh, that's good!

483. You don't wanna get tied down too young.

484. Besides, you're a schweiber man!

485. Irresistible to the ladies.

486. Isn't that right, yes, that's right.

487. And i'mwho gets the lucky gal

488. 3 schweiber men all to myself!

489. Haaaa!

490. Whoa!

491. Yeah. Yeah.

492. Kiss for you ?

493. No, not for me

494. Close the door.

495. Close the door. ok?

496. It's ok.

497. It's all right. it's ok.

498. It's all right. kiss for you.

499. No, not for me.

500. Ok? ok

501. It's all right? it's all right.

502. Kiss for you?

503. Ok, now you're creeping me out.

504. What?

505. Well, i liked when senor wences did it.

506. But i don't know what-

507. What you're trying to accomplish.

508. Um...

509. Barry, there's something i've been, um,

510. Meaning to talk to you about.

511. What's that?

512. It's about dad.

513. What about him?

514. I really don't know how to say it.

515. You're probably gonna get upset.

516. I'm not gonna get upset. Just say it.

517. I think dad is cheating on mom

518. How did you find out?

519. It's a long story,

520. But i'm pretty sure i'm right.

521. You're right. you're right.

522. What?

523. Dad cheats on mom.

524. I-i've-i know.

525. Really?

526. Yeah.

527. I-i spotted them at a-at a movie once,

528. And he was sitting wit like, a young redhead.

529. Uh, did he see you?

530. I don't know. i don't know.

531. He, uh, that year, he bought me a-a car for my birthday.

532. Wha...

533. Why didn't you tell me?

534. Why would i tell you?

535. Did you tell mom?

536. No! No.

537. Why not? He's making a fool out of her.

538. So-uh, huh.

539. You wanna tell her?

540. Is that what you wanna do?

541. You wanna tell her so they can get divorced?

542. Right?

543. So they can sell the house,

544. Dad onin his-in his new apartment.

545. Is that what you want?

546. Hey, nick.

547. Maybe, uh, maybe you'll get lucky at the punk club tonight.

548. You think so?

549. Sure.

550. You know, all these punk girls hate themselves.

551. It's got to improve your chances.

552. That's really, really funny.

553. Ow!

554. No, stop it.

555. He looks good.

556. Shut up! Get in.

557. You look really good.

558. Can i use you to clean out my ear later?

559. Hey, uh, edgar winter called.

560. He says he needs his hair back for a gig tonight.

561. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

562. We'll see who looks stupid when we get there.

563. Oh, honey,

564. You talked to 3 people,

565. And that's 2 hours right there.

566. Ok, lindsay, we'll be back early!

567. Wait a minute!

568. Oh, here it comes,

569. "Dad, can i borrow some money?"

570. I decided to go with you guys.

571. Wow! you look great!

572. What made you change your mind?

573. Well, uh...

574. Dad is right.

575. I'm part of this family and...

576. He's my dentist, too. I should go.

577. Hear that, jean? I was right about something!

578. Maybe we should take a picture of this moment, huh?

579. Hey, hey, phyllis, hi, how are you?

580. Zev, how are those partials working out?

581. Oh, my goodness! oh, my goodness!

582. The weirs are here!

583. So glad you decided to come this year.

584. Look at you, jean, wow! you look terrific!

585. Thanks. Thanks for inviting us.

586. Lindsay, hi! You, too. aren't you a looker?

587. And, sam oh, thanks.

588. My, give me some skin, babe.

589. Ok, man. uh, i think, uh,

590. Neal and bill have gotta be around here somewhere.

591. Yeah. go find 'em.

592. Big harry, need a drink?

593. Yeah, i do. yeah.

594. Nobody calls me harry.

595. Shh. all right.

596. I'm giving you these now.

597. There's no way i'm gonna spend all night

598. Listening to the same old dentist jokes

599. Without plenty of anesthesia.

600. Oh, honey, go easy.

601. Do you want me to take this from you ?

602. 'Cause

603. You're not eating it.

604. I don't want it to go to waste.

605. Hey!

606. Ah...um...

607. Can-will you excuse me... A second?

608. Man, isn't this great?

609. No one carded us. i like it.

610. Yeah, man, no rules!

611. Yeah. do what we want here.

612. Whoa, i'm not sure what that is.

613. I am.

614. I'll be at the bar.

615. Yeah!

616. Rsonasks me what my mar

617. Is going to be,

618. I'm gonna snap.

619. I'm gonna lose it.

620. You want to ask me that, don't you?

621. No! Uh-uh. not if you're gonna snap!

622. Honestly, i have no idea.

623. You know, uh, do you know what you're gonna major in?

624. No. Not a clue.

625. Probably i'll just be glad i'm out of high school.

626. Barry?

627. Hi.

628. Melvin

629. Latz, one of your father's partners.

630. Oh! How are you doing?

631. Hi, good to see you.

632. It's been a while. yeah.

633. How's school?

634. Oh, it's great.

635. Have you chosen a major yet?

636. Band: HEY!

637. Hey!

638. Where are the drinks, man?

639. Bartender's a bastard!

640. She's on she keeps ignoring me.

641. Ly served people with stupid haircuts!

642. Daniel, you go.

643. Bite me, man.

644. There she is.

645. See you guys later.

646. Hey!

647. What?

648. Wh

649. At do you mean, what?

650. You asked me to come here.

651. Oh, it's you.

652. Yeah.

653. You look different.

654. Well, you know, this is the real me.

655. Yeah?

656. Yeah.

657. Yeah!

658. How do you like the band?

659. Yeah, puss rules!

660. It's pus!

661. And they're on next.

662. Yeah, i know! they rule!

663. And so the dentist says-i know you heard it already-

664. The dentist says, "make up your mind, honey. I gotta adjust the chair."

665. Harold, you want another?

666. Don't mind if i do.

667. Jean?

668. I better not. i'm driving.

669. Ahh.

670. A dentist joke!

671. He's an... He's an actor.

672. Meanile, bush is the former head of the c.i.a.

673. Come on, do you really think john hinckley was working for him?

674. Uh, not directly, but yes.

675. That's ridiculous.

676. Well, at least i find it easier to believe

677. Than that, uh, fakakte jodie foster story.

678. Faka-what?

679. Oh, sorry. Fakakte.

680. It's, uh, yiddish for, like, lame.

681. Oh, yeah. Ok.

682. Fakakte!

683. That's very good.

684. Thanks.

685. You wanna get outta here? wanna go take a walk?

686. Yeah.

687. Ugh.

688. Uhhh.

689. Oh. Ow.

690. Are you ok?

691. Is there a bathroom around here?

692. Over there!

693. All right. i'll be right back.

694. Man, can you believe how many posers are out there?

695. Yeah, i ain't no poser, man, check this out.

696. What? I ain't callin' you a poser, man.

697. Relax.

698. I don't know, he was really into me,

699. But he was just stoned all the time.

700. Hmm.

701. Do you smoke?

702. No. What, are you crazy? it gets me paranoid.

703. Yeah? Me, too.

704. Yeah, i

705. Lock myself in my room.

706. It's bad.

707. Yeah, that stuff, it's fakakte.

708. That-that's it,that's though,

709. The perfect use of that word.

710. Wait, so what were we talking about?

711. Your-your friends.

712. Oh, yeah. they're really fun,

713. And they're - they're funny.

714. But they're just...

715. Well, they don't inspire me or challenge me.

716. I don't know, does that sound mean?

717. Relax. you think too much.

718. Yeah. Tell me about it.

719. You know...

720. When you get to college, it's funny, it's like,

721. All that high school stuff disappears.

722. Really, it's like...

723. It's a do-over.

724. I mean, when you get there...

725. It's, like, no one knows that you were an athlete

726. Or that you were a burn-out.

727. It's like a fresh start.

728. You can be whoever you wanna be.

729. Like, take-take me for instance,

730. When i was in high school,

731. I got-i got beat up more than neal, you know.

732. But when i got to college, i mean,

733. You didn't-you didn't hear me say, "hey, look at me!

734. I'm the guy that got beat up every day! That was me!"

735. No, i said,

736. "Look at me, i'm the-the handsome,

737. Dashing jew."

738. And, huh, people bought it!

739. Which is-

740. Yeah.

741. I buy it.

742. You see what i'm saying?

743. So what do i wanna be?

744. Give me the weekend...

745. And i'll come up with something good.

746. Hey, look at you. hey.

747. "Oh, look at me, look at me, i'm such a good husband."

748. Blah, blah, blah.

749. You know, fantasy islandis on.

750. We could watch that.

751. Hey, everybody!

752. I'd like to propose a toast.

753. To the woman without whom we'd all be hungry

754. And without whom my life wouldn't be complete.

755. Mmm.

756. Oh, thank you.

757. Cheers. hear, hear.

758. This sucks. i gotta get outta here.

759. Oh, no.

760. Hey, buddy.

761. Hey, neal.

762. Don't-don't let me interrupt.

763. I was just out for...

764. Hey! I've been lookin' all over for you.

765. What?

766. Well, i want you to do your ventriloquism act.

767. What?

768. N-no, not now.

769. Why? With a friendly audience like this?

770. Come on, who wants to see neal do his ventriloquism?

771. Yeah.

772. Ha ha ha ha!

773. Go on!

774. Go on, get your dummy.

775. It's called a figure!

776. Oh, gosh.

777. These artistic types,

778. Very sensitive, you know.

779. How's your head?

780. It's fine. You know, just another battle scar.

781. Just hold still.

782. All right.

783. Just do it.

784. Almost done.

785. There you go.

786. Thank you!

787. Thank you very much.

788. Who's next?

789. I am.

790. Just gonna ice it for a minute.

791. Oh, yeah.

792. Hey, daniel, what are you doin', man?

793. Never mind.

794. Hey, uh, daniel, i don't think

795. This is such a good idea, man.

796. Forget it.

797. Ready?

798. Yeah.

799. Ok. On 3...

800. I'm gonna push it through.

801. Ohh.

802. Oh, jeez.

803. Oh, my god. ow!

804. You ruined it, you wimp.

805. Oh, jeez, man.

806. Can we get outta here?

807. That's makin' me sick, man.

808. Let's get out. where's ken?

809. That's - shut up!

810. Terrible! where's ken?

811. Well, let's check this out.

812. Ladies and gentlemen!

813. Uh, neal and morty!

814. Hey! whoo-hoo!

815. Uh, hi, everybody!

816. M-morty, say hello to the nice people.

817. Hello, nice people.

818. Say, how come these people are so funny-looking?

819. W-what do you mean?

820. Their teeth!

821. They're terrible!

822. Morty, i mean, come on.

823. No, no, no, no, no.

824. Haven't they ever heard of a toothbrush?

825. Morty! Wh-what do you mean by that?

826. Look at them. look at ese people.

827. Look at that lady over there. Her teeth are so bad,

828. She should be a professional hockey player.

829. Boo.

830. All right, can we - can we just

831. Get to the act now, please?

832. Oh, sure thing, sure thing.

833. All right.

834. Be what's the difference

835. Tween a proctologist and a dentist?

836. I-i don't know, what?

837. Ha! One's a doctor of the ass

838. And the other's an ass who's a doctor.

839. Morty, come on, be nice.

840. All right, all righ all right.

841. Well, uh, ok, here-here's another one. Here's another one.

842. Ok. What's the difference between a dentist

843. And a brand-new pair of leather shoes?

844. I-i don't know, what?

845. A brand-new pair of leather shoes

846. Will never give you an unnecessary root canal

847. So he can build an addition on his house.

848. Ok. hey, morty,

849. Come on, that's not really funny.

850. All right, all right.

851. Dr. Schweiber is a wonderful dentist.

852. I ain't lettin' him touch me.

853. He's not gonna put me under.

854. Ha, next thing i know i'll wake up

855. And my wisdom teeth'll be gone

856. Along with my virginity!

857. Ok. Ok, that's enough. thank you.

858. All right, thank you.

859. Why is dr. Schweiber a dentist?

860. I-i have no idea, why?

861. Because he's so stupid he flunked out of medical school!

862. Ok, that's enough, neal.

863. Thank you.

864. Ok, that enough, thank you.

865. Thank you! there's more-

866. Neal and morty's show is over folks.

867. Thank you very much.

868. You' hey, hey!

869. Re out of order! you're out of order!

870. This whole dental practice is out of order!

871. Ok, that's enough.

872. He

873. Hey, get your hands off me.

874. Neal, neal! get your hands off me!

875. Leave me alone!

876. Excuse me.

877. See?

878. Told you that thing would take him over.

879. Honey, what's going on?

880. I told him i didn't wanna do it.

881. Neal- oh-

882. He asked for a comedy routine,

883. A-and that's what he got.

884. Neal, what's wrong?

885. Nothing.

886. You can tell me, it's all right.

887. No, i can't tell you. why?

888. Because i don't wanna ruin your life.

889. Dad's cheating on you.

890. It's ok.

891. I'm sorry, mom.

892. Shh.

893. I'm sorry.

894. It's ok.

895. Why is it ok?

896. Marriage is a very complicated thing.

897. But there is nothing...

898. That is more important to me than you and your brother.

899. Your father and i love you more than anything in the world.

900. Now, he and i have got the rest of our lives

901. To work out our marriage,

902. But we've only got a couple more years

903. With you here.

904. Do you mean you know?

905. Neal,we're working on it.

906. Shh.

907. But that's between me and your father.

908. Nothing will ever change the fact

909. That we love you very, very much.

910. Ok?

911. And you and morty are very funny.

912. Thanks, mom.

913. Hey, where's that kid? He was hilarious.

914. Honey, come on.

915. Lindsay, sweetie, come on, we better go.

916. Where are we going?

917. Oh, my god, you guys are hammered.

918. We're your parents, we're not hammered.

919. No, a little tipsy, maybe.

920. Well, your father, he's hammered.

921. You're driving, all right?

922. Yeah, i'll be out in a minute, ok?

923. Oh, ok.

924. Mmm, shh. No, take your time, all right?

925. Yeah, i gotta go.

926. Can i come, please?

927. Oh, i know, i can't come.

928. I think you've got your hands full here.

929. Yeah.

930. Well...

931. It was great seeing you.

932. Well, this was the best schweiber party ever.

933. Yeah, i'm sure.

934. Well, uh, listen,

935. You're in wisconsin,

936. You're gonna come visit me, right?

937. Ok, yeah.

938. M-my dorm is right next to a field of cows.

939. Make a right at the cow,

940. And there i'll be.

941. All right? got you.

942. Right at the cow.

943. And right. you got it.

944. All right, i'll see you.

945. Take it easy.

946. Have fun at school.

947. Oh, i'll try.

948. You're nobody

949. Till somebody loves you

950. You're nobody

951. Till somebody cares

952. You may be king

953. You may possess the world

954. And its gold

955. But gold won't bring you

956. Happiness when you're growin' old

957. The world still is the same

958. You never change it

959. As sure as the stars shine above

960. You're nobody

961. Till somebody loves you

962. So find yourself somebody to love

963. The world still is the same

964. You never change it

965. As sure as the stars shine above

966. Well, you're nobody

967. Till somebody loves you

968. So find yourself somebody to love