1. Come on, ladies!
Let's see some hustle.Copy !req
2. Uh, excuse me.Copy !req
3. Is our little practice
bothering you?Copy !req
4. Get out there!Copy !req
5. All right, let's work!Copy !req
6. Let's scrimmage.
Come on!Copy !req
7. You seem so distant
these days, Brett.Copy !req
8. Is there something I did?Copy !req
9. 'Cause if there is,
I want you to tell me.Copy !req
10. Ashley, it's just‒Copy !req
11. I mean, I'm ready
to work throughCopy !req
12. whatever it is that we
need to work through.Copy !req
13. But we need
to communicate.Copy !req
14. I need you
to talk to me.Copy !req
15. Ashley, it's just that
I love you so much...Copy !req
16. It scares me.Copy !req
17. Oh, man, you wanna hear
something way messed up?Copy !req
18. You know that Molly Hatchet
shirt I was wearingCopy !req
19. the other day?Copy !req
20. You know, the one
with the executioner guyCopy !req
21. holding that bloody axCopy !req
22. and under his foot's
the severed head?Copy !req
23. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
24. That's my shirt.Copy !req
25. Yeah, so...Copy !req
26. My mom, she makes us
go to church every week,Copy !req
27. and we gotta dress up.Copy !req
28. And so I get there,Copy !req
29. and the stupid priest
says I can't come in.Copy !req
30. You can't wear stuff like thatCopy !req
31. at church, man.Copy !req
32. Why not, man?
It's church.Copy !req
33. They're supposed
to forgive people there.Copy !req
34. So you hate my shirt.Copy !req
35. Forgive me,
let me come in.Copy !req
36. Hey, I believe
in God, man.Copy !req
37. I've seen him.
I've felt his power.Copy !req
38. He plays drums
for Led zeppelin,Copy !req
39. and his name
is John Bonham, baby!Copy !req
40. Nah, nah, nah.
Here we go, here we go.Copy !req
41. Hey, Lisa!Copy !req
42. Here's those noogies
you ordered.Copy !req
43. He's a real Cinderella story.Copy !req
44. Eh, former greenskeeper.Copy !req
45. Oh! He got all
of that one!Copy !req
46. It's in the hole!
It's in the hole!Copy !req
47. Sam Weir.Copy !req
48. You really like
Bill Murray, don't you?Copy !req
49. Yeah. He's great.Copy !req
50. Bill Murray sucks, man.Copy !req
51. No, he doesn't.
He's cool.Copy !req
52. Oh, really?
What is he, your boyfriend?Copy !req
53. Sam Queer.Copy !req
54. It's fightin' time, Weird.Copy !req
55. Leave me alone, Alan.Copy !req
56. I'm sorry.
I don't speak geek.Copy !req
57. I always wanted to know what
it'd be like to fight a girl.Copy !req
58. I'm a girl.Copy !req
59. Wanna see what it'd be like
to fight me?Copy !req
60. Weir's sister
has to protect him?Copy !req
61. I'm not protecting him,Copy !req
62. just trying to figure out
why it isCopy !req
63. you need to pick fights
with guys who weighCopy !req
64. less than 100 pounds.Copy !req
65. Watch out, Alan,
I think she's high on pot.Copy !req
66. Yeah, I might
just go psycho on you.Copy !req
67. You wanna try me?Copy !req
68. You're dead,
all right?Copy !req
69. As soon as your freak sister
isn't around,Copy !req
70. I'm gonna cream you, man.Copy !req
71. You know, you really
didn't need to do that.Copy !req
72. - I could've handled it.
- Yeah. I know.Copy !req
73. And by the way,
I weigh 103 pounds.Copy !req
74. Sorry.Copy !req
75. Man, I hate high school.Copy !req
76. You know,
I ran into Mrs. Patton todayCopy !req
77. at Farmer Jack,Copy !req
78. and she said
she saw you smoking.Copy !req
79. Well, she's crazy.Copy !req
80. Mom...
I can't believe you.Copy !req
81. Do you seriously think
I would start smoking?Copy !req
82. Okay. I...Copy !req
83. You know, I had a friend
that used to smoke.Copy !req
84. You know what
he's doing now?Copy !req
85. He's dead.Copy !req
86. Now you think smoking makes
you look cool?Copy !req
87. Lets go dig him up now
and see how cool he looks.Copy !req
88. Daddy, if I started smoking,
I would tell you.Copy !req
89. Oh, good.
Now I don't have to worry.Copy !req
90. Hey, Dad, guess what.Copy !req
91. They're showing "Monty Python
and the Holy Grail"Copy !req
92. at Parkway Saturday night.Copy !req
93. Neal, Bill, and I are gonna
watch it twice in a row.Copy !req
94. Great.Copy !req
95. Sam, isn't the homecoming
dance Saturday night?Copy !req
96. Yeah.Copy !req
97. Are you going?Copy !req
98. No.
Why would I do that?Copy !req
99. - Well, your sister's going.
- No, I'm not.Copy !req
100. All right, kids,Copy !req
101. high school
is for learning,Copy !req
102. but it's also
where you should be learningCopy !req
103. how to socialize.Copy !req
104. That's what high school
dances are all about.Copy !req
105. No, they're not.Copy !req
106. They're just a chance
for the popular kidsCopy !req
107. to experiment with sex
in their cars.Copy !req
108. - Lindsay!
- Hey!Copy !req
109. I mean, if that's what
you want me to do,Copy !req
110. then I'd be
happy to go.Copy !req
111. You know, there was
a girl in our school...Copy !req
112. She had premarital sex.Copy !req
113. You know what she did
on graduation day?Copy !req
114. Died.Copy !req
115. Of an overdose.
Heroin.Copy !req
116. Dad, are any of
your friends alive?Copy !req
117. The smart ones.Copy !req
118. I'm sure there
are plenty of kidsCopy !req
119. who are just dying
for someone to ask them.Copy !req
120. Mom, that's the stupidest thing
I ever heard.Copy !req
121. Honey, it's stupid until you
consider how happyCopy !req
122. it will make somebody who
really wants to go.Copy !req
123. But nobody I know
wants to go.Copy !req
124. - Lindsay.
- Dad.Copy !req
125. - Honey.
- Great.Copy !req
126. No, that works out perfect.Copy !req
127. I'm having a midnight madness
deer hunting sale that night,Copy !req
128. and you can come wait on
all those nice hunters.Copy !req
129. The choice is yours.Copy !req
130. Thanks, Carla.Copy !req
131. Hey, Eli,
I think Tom needs a hug.Copy !req
132. My buddy.
My buddy!Copy !req
133. My buddy!Copy !req
134. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
135. You're such a jerk, man.Copy !req
136. What? Eli likes you.
Congratulations.Copy !req
137. - Hey, Mr. K.
- Mr. Schweeber.Copy !req
138. It's "Schweiber."Copy !req
139. Ah, Mr. Bones, Mr. Spock,Copy !req
140. may I join you here
in the Enterprise mess hall?Copy !req
141. I'm so hungry
I could eat a tribble.Copy !req
142. I... I don't get it.Copy !req
143. Who's that?Copy !req
144. John Wayne.Copy !req
145. Oh, okay.
Yeah.Copy !req
146. Why does my mom
always put a note in my lunch?Copy !req
147. It's so embarrassing.Copy !req
148. At least your mom doesn't
write the note on the bag.Copy !req
149. Are you guys going
to the homecoming dance?Copy !req
150. No.Copy !req
151. I really don't
see that happening.Copy !req
152. Oh, I'm sorry.
did I crush your twinkies?Copy !req
153. Hey, what did you
do that for?Copy !req
154. What are you gonna do,
go crying to your sister,Copy !req
155. Sam Rear?Copy !req
156. No. No, I'm not.Copy !req
157. Mr. Kowchevski,
Alan smashed my twinkies!Copy !req
158. Oh, my god,
you're such a woman.Copy !req
159. Alan, you don't
have anything better to doCopy !req
160. than to crush
Mr. Weir's dessert?Copy !req
161. Oh, well, you know,Copy !req
162. I was just bending down
to talk to him,Copy !req
163. and I accidentally
leaned on it.Copy !req
164. I'm sorry.Copy !req
165. Why don't you
go do the nice thingCopy !req
166. and buy him
some new ones?Copy !req
167. Oh, yes, sir.Copy !req
168. Thank you,
Mr. Kowchevski.Copy !req
169. Sam, you want some advice?
Be a man.Copy !req
170. You shouldn't
let Alan do that to you.Copy !req
171. I don't see you
doing anything!Copy !req
172. My dad tells me
to stay out of fightsCopy !req
173. that don't affect me
directly.Copy !req
174. You know, it would
sure be nice if you guysCopy !req
175. backed me up
once in a while.Copy !req
176. You know, my sister does,
and she's a girl.Copy !req
177. Yeah, yeah,
but if we back you up,Copy !req
178. than Alan's
gonna terrorize us, too.Copy !req
179. Listen, you guys
have gotta help me,Copy !req
180. or else he's never
gonna leave me alone.Copy !req
181. - Ahh.
- Hey, Daniel.Copy !req
182. Hey, Lindsay.
What's up?Copy !req
183. Where you been?Copy !req
184. I been...
just around.Copy !req
185. Come on,
let's hit the patio.Copy !req
186. Oh, the smoking patio.Copy !req
187. - Mm-hmm.
- Okay.Copy !req
188. It's all right.
They don't bite.Copy !req
189. Okay.Copy !req
190. Ow!Copy !req
191. Don't touch me, you scuzz.Copy !req
192. I'm sorry.
Your butt was calling to me.Copy !req
193. Hey, Nicholas,
you get those M-80s?Copy !req
194. Hell no, man.
You got the money?Copy !req
195. You guys know Lindsay?Copy !req
196. Hi.Copy !req
197. You were in my English class
last year, right?Copy !req
198. You're that chick
who got an "A."Copy !req
199. Yeah, well...Copy !req
200. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
201. I don't know.
What are you gonna do?Copy !req
202. So, you guys going
to the homecoming dance?Copy !req
203. I beg your pardon?Copy !req
204. That's funny.
It's a joke, right?Copy !req
205. My dad's
kinda making me go.Copy !req
206. Your dad's making
you go to the dance?Copy !req
207. Man, what's that
all about?Copy !req
208. Who's your dad, Hitler?Copy !req
209. I just thought maybe,
you know,Copy !req
210. you guys were gonna go
to make fun of people.Copy !req
211. I mean, that could
be kinda funny, right?Copy !req
212. I would go,Copy !req
213. but I have
a prior engagement.Copy !req
214. My cousin just sent me
a bunch of mushrooms,Copy !req
215. and I'm gonna eat them.Copy !req
216. Look, I mean, you know
they're gonna play disco, right?Copy !req
217. Disco sucks.
I hate disco.Copy !req
218. Ooh-oohCopy !req
219. Coo-coo coo
Coo-coo cooCopy !req
220. I'd rather make out
with Principal Farber, you know?Copy !req
221. Ooh, again?Copy !req
222. Shut up, man.Copy !req
223. Ow.Copy !req
224. What, what?
Oh! My god, man.Copy !req
225. Oh!Copy !req
226. I can't wait till
you're not paying attention.Copy !req
227. Get outta here!Copy !req
228. Check it out.
What's she want?Copy !req
229. Lindsay?Copy !req
230. - Linds!
- Friend of yours...Copy !req
231. Linds?Copy !req
232. I'll be right back, okay?Copy !req
233. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
234. Millie, what are you
doing out here?Copy !req
235. What are you
doing out here?Copy !req
236. This place is for freaks.Copy !req
237. Millie, go away.Copy !req
238. Today's the deadline
to enter the academic decathlon.Copy !req
239. Mr. Rosso said you didn't
turn in your application.Copy !req
240. What?
Millie, I'm not entering.Copy !req
241. But you're
our best Math-lete.Copy !req
242. Could we not talk
about this right now?Copy !req
243. Lindsay,
what's wrong with you?Copy !req
244. There's nothing
wrong with me.Copy !req
245. I just don't want to do
decathlon this year.Copy !req
246. Well, aren't you at least
going to help usCopy !req
247. serve refreshments
at the homecoming dance?Copy !req
248. We're trying to raise money
to buy the school a computer!Copy !req
249. Shh!Copy !req
250. Gentlemen,
here's my advice.Copy !req
251. Listen to Neal.Copy !req
252. You should handle Alan
the same way Han SoloCopy !req
253. dealt with Jabba the Hutt.
Avoid him.Copy !req
254. Just avoid him forever?Copy !req
255. Just for four years.Copy !req
256. Sam,
there's Cindy Sanders.Copy !req
257. Dream on, Sam.Copy !req
258. - Oh, man.
- Uh-oh, incoming.Copy !req
259. Hey, Sam, I've been
looking all over for you.Copy !req
260. Is this your jacket?Copy !req
261. Yeah.Copy !req
262. Yeah, you left it
in scienceCopy !req
263. so I didn't want it
to get all dirty.Copy !req
264. Oh, thanks, Cindy.Copy !req
265. That was really nice of you.Copy !req
266. Yeah, well,
I'll see you later.Copy !req
267. Sam.Copy !req
268. You are so in.Copy !req
269. What?Copy !req
270. She brought you
your jacket.Copy !req
271. That means she saw it,Copy !req
272. she remembered
it was yours,Copy !req
273. she picked it up and carried it
through the halls.Copy !req
274. People probably saw her
with it and everything.Copy !req
275. I wonder if she
has a date for the dance.Copy !req
276. Cindy Sanders
is in love with you, man.Copy !req
277. You really think
Cindy likes me?Copy !req
278. Hello? The jacket.Copy !req
279. No way.
We're not her species.Copy !req
280. Listen,
just do me a favor.Copy !req
281. Ask around, see if
she has a date for the dance.Copy !req
282. Who should I ask?Copy !req
283. Okay, the dance
is tomorrow.Copy !req
284. She's a cheerleader.Copy !req
285. You've seen "Star Wars"
27 times.Copy !req
286. Do the math.Copy !req
287. I know, I know,
but my dad always tells meCopy !req
288. that the prettiest girls
usually don't get asked outCopy !req
289. 'cause guys are too afraid
to ask them.Copy !req
290. Really?
Maybe I should ask outCopy !req
291. Farrah Fawcett-Majors.Copy !req
292. Hey, maybe I should
ask out Bill's mom.Copy !req
293. You better not.Copy !req
294. Listen,
just ask around, okay?Copy !req
295. Don't even
think about it.Copy !req
296. Get outta the way.Copy !req
297. Hey!Copy !req
298. - Chemistry exam you ordered.
- All right, good job.Copy !req
299. Where are the answers?Copy !req
300. You just said
to steal the test.Copy !req
301. Oh, good work, genius.
Way to use your brain.Copy !req
302. What?Copy !req
303. I'm cutting.
Who's got gum?Copy !req
304. Sorry.Copy !req
305. Oh, yeah,
that's real great.Copy !req
306. You know, why don't you
blow your nose in some breadCopy !req
307. and make me
a sandwich, too?Copy !req
308. Why is everyone
crawling up my butt today?Copy !req
309. 'Cause you're a moron.Copy !req
310. Hey, Kim, I got some.Copy !req
311. What's she doing here?Copy !req
312. 'Cause she's our friend.Copy !req
313. What, are you doing her
so that she'll help youCopy !req
314. with your math homework?Copy !req
315. Hey, lay off.Copy !req
316. Um, Kim, I‒Copy !req
317. I wasn't talking
to you, brain.Copy !req
318. Don't you have a test
to take or something?Copy !req
319. Hey, would you be cool?
I mean, please.Copy !req
320. Did I do something
to you?Copy !req
321. You're here.Copy !req
322. Kim.Copy !req
323. I have as much right
to be here as you do.Copy !req
324. Hey, brain,Copy !req
325. I shoplift
in your daddy's store.Copy !req
326. You're just some rich kidCopy !req
327. who's trying
to piss off her parents.Copy !req
328. You think you
can hang with these guys?Copy !req
329. You think that's
gonna make you cool?Copy !req
330. I don't know
what to tell you.Copy !req
331. You know what?
I'm sorry.Copy !req
332. Let's be friends.Copy !req
333. Hey.Copy !req
334. There. Now we're friends.
See you at the mall.Copy !req
335. What are you,
on your period?Copy !req
336. Hey, if you
wanna hang aroundCopy !req
337. with your
little poser friend hereCopy !req
338. and pretend with her,
then that's your waste of time,Copy !req
339. just keep her
the hell away from me.Copy !req
340. That is exactly why
I don't carry a purse.Copy !req
341. I gotta‒
I gotta get to shop class.Copy !req
342. It's the only one
I can pass.Copy !req
343. Here.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
344. Don't you have
to get to class, too?Copy !req
345. Oh, I'll survive.Copy !req
346. These shorts aren't
very flattering, are they?Copy !req
347. No, you look good.Copy !req
348. Thanks.Copy !req
349. Hey, how come your sister is
dressing so weird now?Copy !req
350. What do you mean?Copy !req
351. I don't know, I mean,
she's been wearingCopy !req
352. your dad's army jacket.Copy !req
353. I don't know.Copy !req
354. She's been acting weird
ever since our grandma died.Copy !req
355. You're dead Weird!Copy !req
356. Alan?Copy !req
357. What?Copy !req
358. What's the point of all this?Copy !req
359. Point?Copy !req
360. The point is,
you're dead too.Copy !req
361. "Little man".Copy !req
362. I kinda wish I didn't
come to school today.Copy !req
363. Hi, would you, uh,Copy !req
364. would you go to
the homecoming dance with me?Copy !req
365. Um, I would, but, um,Copy !req
366. I already have a date,
so I can't.Copy !req
367. Sorry.Copy !req
368. Will you go
to homecoming dance with me?Copy !req
369. - Eli.
- What?Copy !req
370. There's a bee
on your book.Copy !req
371. - Where?
- Oh, I'll get it.Copy !req
372. What's the matter
with you?Copy !req
373. Jerk.Copy !req
374. I'm sorry. Didn't mean
to upset your husband.Copy !req
375. Oh, yeah?
What if he was my husband?Copy !req
376. That'd be some kind
of joke to you?Copy !req
377. It's no joke to me.Copy !req
378. I think you two
make a good couple.Copy !req
379. Yeah?Copy !req
380. Maybe we do.Copy !req
381. Hey, Eli.Copy !req
382. Do you want to go to
the homecoming dance with me?Copy !req
383. Yes! Yes, I do!
Yeah, please.Copy !req
384. Yeah, I will go.Copy !req
385. - Good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
386. Come on, Eli.Copy !req
387. All right, fellas,
I just wanna let you knowCopy !req
388. that in honor of the big
homecoming game tomorrow,Copy !req
389. I'm gonna give you guys
the day off.Copy !req
390. Can we go home?Copy !req
391. Schweiber,
don't be an idiot, all right?Copy !req
392. I mean, we're gonna
do something fun.Copy !req
393. I'm gonna
let you guys...Copy !req
394. Play dodge ball.Copy !req
395. Yeah!Copy !req
396. Oh, man.Copy !req
397. Oh, no.Copy !req
398. Oh, my god!Copy !req
399. All right, come on, guys.
Let's go.Copy !req
400. Would somebody
please tell meCopy !req
401. what's supposed
to be fun about this?Copy !req
402. If we just
let ourselves get hit,Copy !req
403. then we can sit down.
Aah!Copy !req
404. Aah!Copy !req
405. Let's just pretend
to get hit.Copy !req
406. Nobody'd know.Copy !req
407. I don't think we can.Copy !req
408. Ladies, put down the mascaraCopy !req
409. and get in there and play.
Come on.Copy !req
410. Very nice.Copy !req
411. I can't take it, man.
I gotta get out of here.Copy !req
412. Hey look! Little man's
making a run for it.Copy !req
413. Hey, only my mom's
allowed to call me that.Copy !req
414. Uh!Copy !req
415. Ahh!Copy !req
416. Ow.Copy !req
417. Oh!Copy !req
418. Okay, now it's time
to smear Weir.Copy !req
419. Sam! Get away from me!Copy !req
420. We need
to stick together.Copy !req
421. Are you crazy?Copy !req
422. Hey kid!Copy !req
423. Aah!Copy !req
424. - Oh!
- Yeah!Copy !req
425. Oh, my god!Copy !req
426. - Yeah!
- Hey!Copy !req
427. Solomon.
Hey, hey, hey.Copy !req
428. That's illegal.
You're out of there.Copy !req
429. What?Copy !req
430. All right, Schweiber.
Come on, walk it off.Copy !req
431. Sit down, you knucklehead.Copy !req
432. There's nowhere
to hide, Weird.Copy !req
433. Kid, get away from us.
That psycho's after you.Copy !req
434. Pick 'em up
and throw 'em!Copy !req
435. That's the way.Copy !req
436. Nice throw, wuss.Copy !req
437. He caught my ball!
I'm out!Copy !req
438. Yeah!Copy !req
439. Ohh! Ah!Copy !req
440. Go, Sam, go!Copy !req
441. Oof!Copy !req
442. Oh, my god!Copy !req
443. All right, White,
take a seat.Copy !req
444. Come on, Weir,
throw it back.Copy !req
445. Catch it, come on.Copy !req
446. Oh, bup bup bup.Copy !req
447. Dodge ball's kind of
a stupid game, isn't it?Copy !req
448. You just signed
your death warrant.Copy !req
449. Man, that chick digs you,
I'm telling you.Copy !req
450. - She likes me?
- Yes!Copy !req
451. That's really great.Copy !req
452. - Hey, so, Eli.
- What?Copy !req
453. That Jimmy Carter,
he's some president, right?Copy !req
454. Yeah, he's been doing
a hell of a job.Copy !req
455. Oh, he's doing
a hell of a job.Copy !req
456. Hey, but I gotta say,
I'm a little concernedCopy !req
457. about his handling
of the economy, aren't you?Copy !req
458. I'm a little concerned.
Maybe.Copy !req
459. Maybe I'm a little‒
I'm a little concerned.Copy !req
460. Come on. Come on, Eli.
Give him a break.Copy !req
461. I mean, look what he's done
in the Middle East.Copy !req
462. - The Middle East.
- Yes.Copy !req
463. The middle...
the middle of the East.Copy !req
464. I bet you'd make
a good president, Eli.Copy !req
465. - President Eli?
- Yeah.Copy !req
466. - Okay, president Eli!
- Oh, man.Copy !req
467. President Eli!Copy !req
468. Hey, you guys, cut it out.
Leave him alone.Copy !req
469. What? We've having
a political discussion here.Copy !req
470. What?
We're political.Copy !req
471. Eli, you don't
have to talk to them.Copy !req
472. They're just being mean.Copy !req
473. No,
but they're my buddies.Copy !req
474. - They're my buddies.
- We're his buddies!Copy !req
475. Ain't that right,
Mr. President?Copy !req
476. No, they're not, Eli.Copy !req
477. - I'm making them laugh, right?
- It's true.Copy !req
478. - I'm making...
- Yeah, not this way.Copy !req
479. There's a good kind of laughing
and a bad kind of laughing.Copy !req
480. This is bad.Copy !req
481. Eli, they're only laughing
at you because you're retarded.Copy !req
482. I'm not retarded.
I'm special.Copy !req
483. - I'm special.
- Eli, you are special.Copy !req
484. I'm sorry.
I know you're special.Copy !req
485. They're being mean to you.Copy !req
486. I'm not retarded.Copy !req
487. Okay.Copy !req
488. You're retarded!Copy !req
489. - I'm sorry!
- No! No!Copy !req
490. I'm not retarded!
I am special!Copy !req
491. I don't wanna go
to the dance with you! No!Copy !req
492. Eli, please,
I'm sorry.Copy !req
493. Oh, my god.Copy !req
494. And I'm the mean one?
How does that work?Copy !req
495. So...
what's going on here?Copy !req
496. All I‒Copy !req
497. I was trying
to do something niceCopy !req
498. in this stupid school
where nothing nice ever happens,Copy !req
499. but instead Eli
broke his arm and...Copy !req
500. Now I feel like
the biggest idiot in the world.Copy !req
501. No, why aren't
you taking partCopy !req
502. in the academic decathlon?Copy !req
503. What?Copy !req
504. We need you.
You're our best Math-lete.Copy !req
505. Oh, god, please
don't say that word.Copy !req
506. You havin'
some problems at home?Copy !req
507. - No, I'm not.
- Is it a boy?Copy !req
508. No.Copy !req
509. Hey, you can tell me.Copy !req
510. I know it seems "square"
to actually talkCopy !req
511. to your guidance counselor,
but I was a kid once, too,Copy !req
512. and not that long ago.Copy !req
513. Mr. Rosso,
there's nothing to tell.Copy !req
514. Trust me.Copy !req
515. Okay.Copy !req
516. I see the problem here.Copy !req
517. Let's just rap...
as people, okay?Copy !req
518. No pressure.Copy !req
519. From now on, I'm not
"Mr. Rosso, guidance counselor."Copy !req
520. - You're not?
- No.Copy !req
521. I'm just Jeff,
your friend who cares.Copy !req
522. - Jeff?
- Exactly.Copy !req
523. And you're not
"Ms. Weir, high school student."Copy !req
524. You're Lindsay,Copy !req
525. a girl who seems
like she needs a friend.Copy !req
526. So, come on, Linds,Copy !req
527. talk to your buddy Jeff.Copy !req
528. Jeff...Copy !req
529. I've never felt better
in all my life.Copy !req
530. Well, then maybe someone
should tell your face.Copy !req
531. Ah, yes, interesting problem.
Freshman bullies.Copy !req
532. He's obviously acting out
his insecuritiesCopy !req
533. in a new environment.Copy !req
534. If you can disconnect
emotionally,Copy !req
535. it's really quite sad.Copy !req
536. In his own way,
he's reaching out for a friend.Copy !req
537. Not that you should
feel sorry for him, though.Copy !req
538. His kind
should be destroyed.Copy !req
539. So what do we do?Copy !req
540. I would recommend
the Cressman conundrum.Copy !req
541. What the hell is that?Copy !req
542. Tom Cressman,
my freshman tormentor.Copy !req
543. The idea was,
if you fight your bully,Copy !req
544. afterwards,
whether you win or lose,Copy !req
545. they'll tend
to leave you alone.Copy !req
546. Did it work?Copy !req
547. He broke my tailbone,
but the results were effective.Copy !req
548. - He got expelled.
- It's a good plan.Copy !req
549. It's a terrible plan, okay?Copy !req
550. I'm not fighting Alan.
He's not my tormentor.Copy !req
551. I know every route he takes
to each class,Copy !req
552. and I avoid those halls.Copy !req
553. It's that simple.Copy !req
554. Start leaving out
the janitor's door like I do.Copy !req
555. Are you lookin'
for a fight, dork?Copy !req
556. No, sir.Copy !req
557. Well,
you're gonna get one!Copy !req
558. Uh...Copy !req
559. Tell me about
the stupid Cressman conundrum.Copy !req
560. Hey, are you, uh‒
are you‒uh, are you okay?Copy !req
561. Is it just me
or does the whole world suck?Copy !req
562. All right, after class,Copy !req
563. you and me
are cuttin' outta here.Copy !req
564. - Cutting?
- Yeah. Yeah!Copy !req
565. I got something
to show you that‒Copy !req
566. It's gonna make you
feel better.Copy !req
567. I guess the first thing
that we gotta doCopy !req
568. is get him on the ground.Copy !req
569. How are we supposed
to do that?Copy !req
570. Cut his legs off?Copy !req
571. Should I wear a cup for this?Copy !req
572. That's between you
and your god, Bill.Copy !req
573. Hey, geek.Copy !req
574. Gotta problem?Copy !req
575. Uh, no, I was... I was just
looking at a friend of mine.Copy !req
576. Are you telling me that I
look like a friend of yours?Copy !req
577. Hey Kim.
I think he likes you.Copy !req
578. Is that true?Copy !req
579. Do you like me?Copy !req
580. Do you...
love me?Copy !req
581. I - I like you like
a friend.Copy !req
582. I don't think so.Copy !req
583. I think you "like me" like me.Copy !req
584. I think you wanna kiss me.Copy !req
585. Do you wanna kiss me?Copy !req
586. I - I don't know.Copy !req
587. Come on. Just... one little kiss.Copy !req
588. I'll be your girlfriend.Copy !req
589. In your dreams, geek.Copy !req
590. Maybe we should get her
to beat up Alan.Copy !req
591. Go. Go!Copy !req
592. Wait for me, man.Copy !req
593. Be prepared
to have your mind blown.Copy !req
594. Check it out, man.Copy !req
595. That's, uh, 14 mounted toms,Copy !req
596. 8 floor toms,
4 splashes, 2 gongs,Copy !req
597. 10 cowbells, 4 rides,
5 snares, man...Copy !req
598. A roto-tom rack,
and it's all mountedCopy !req
599. on my infamous
quadruple kick drum system.Copy !req
600. Six more pieces,Copy !req
601. I've got a bigger kit
than Neil Peart from Rush.Copy !req
602. Yeah!Copy !req
603. That's great, Nick.Copy !req
604. Look, these teachers‒
these teachers want us to work,Copy !req
605. you know?Copy !req
606. And I say,
"fine. I'll work.Copy !req
607. "but you've gotta let me do
the kind of workCopy !req
608. that I wanna do."Copy !req
609. And for me,
Lindsay, it's‒Copy !req
610. it's my drum kit, man.Copy !req
611. This is my passion,
you know?Copy !req
612. This is‒this is the essence
of who I am now.Copy !req
613. But before I had this,
I was lost, too.Copy !req
614. You see what I'm sayin'?Copy !req
615. You need to find your reason
for... for living.Copy !req
616. You gotta find your big,
gigantic drum kitCopy !req
617. you know?Copy !req
618. Hey, maybe I'll
buy a clarinet.Copy !req
619. Yeah.Copy !req
620. If you're not going
to the dance,Copy !req
621. I thought you could
come over to my house.Copy !req
622. A bunch of guys who play guitar
are gonna come over.Copy !req
623. We're just, uh‒
I don't know.Copy !req
624. We were gonna try
to play, like,Copy !req
625. "Dark Side of the Moon"
or somethin'.Copy !req
626. Just tell your dad
you went.Copy !req
627. I can't lie to my dad.Copy !req
628. Really?Copy !req
629. Yeah.Copy !req
630. Okay.Copy !req
631. Why don't you tell your dad
that you got a date?Copy !req
632. No, listen, I'll put on
a suit, all right?Copy !req
633. I'll come pick you up,
talk nice to your dad,Copy !req
634. and then I'll take you
to the school,Copy !req
635. and we can walk up
to the door of the dance,Copy !req
636. and then we can take off.Copy !req
637. That way you could
tell your dad you went.Copy !req
638. You wouldn't be lying.Copy !req
639. You'd really do that?Copy !req
640. Absolutely.Copy !req
641. Hello there!Copy !req
642. Hello, Jeff.Copy !req
643. Guess who's in trouble.Copy !req
644. Here's the deal:Copy !req
645. If you take part
in the academic decathlon,Copy !req
646. I'll forget this
ever happened.Copy !req
647. You're forcing me
to be a Math-lete?Copy !req
648. That is so not fair.Copy !req
649. The world
is not black and white.Copy !req
650. It's gray.Copy !req
651. And I really think
it'd be good for you.Copy !req
652. Jeff...Copy !req
653. I really can't do that.Copy !req
654. Fine, Ms. Weir,Copy !req
655. then maybe it's time
for some tough love.Copy !req
656. How about I, uh,
call your parentsCopy !req
657. and I let them know
that their daughter'sCopy !req
658. turning into a burnout
who skips class?Copy !req
659. - No!
- And you know what?Copy !req
660. I can't make you
be a Math-lete,Copy !req
661. but I can make you
work the refreshment tableCopy !req
662. at the homecoming dance.Copy !req
663. I'll see you
Saturday at 7:00.Copy !req
664. You know
who used to cut class?Copy !req
665. Jimi Hendrix.Copy !req
666. You know
what happened to him?Copy !req
667. He died,
choking on his own vomit.Copy !req
668. Daddy,
I skipped Latin.Copy !req
669. Oh, well,
I can understandCopy !req
670. why you wouldn't want
to learn about that.Copy !req
671. It's only the building block
of our language.Copy !req
672. Well, I'm just glad
your grandmother wasn't aliveCopy !req
673. to hear about this.Copy !req
674. You can't cut corners
in life!Copy !req
675. You know who cut corners?
Kennedy.Copy !req
676. Kennedy cut corners when he
was running the Bay of Pigs.Copy !req
677. A lot of good men
lost their lives because of it.Copy !req
678. You know who else
cut corners?Copy !req
679. - Janis Joplin.
- Dad!Copy !req
680. What are you
talking about?Copy !req
681. You don't make any sense!Copy !req
682. I just cut class,
and guess what.Copy !req
683. Everybody's still alive.Copy !req
684. Just leave me alone!Copy !req
685. You understand what
I'm saying, don't you, Sam?Copy !req
686. - Yeah.
- Good.Copy !req
687. Pass the rolls.Copy !req
688. Um...
Can I come in?Copy !req
689. Do you think that me, Neal,
and Bill could beat up Alan?Copy !req
690. Just Alan?Copy !req
691. Yeah.Copy !req
692. Alan and his buddies?Copy !req
693. Mmm, "no" to "maybe."Copy !req
694. Yeah,
that's what I thought.Copy !req
695. Um, why are you
throwing your life away?Copy !req
696. Did Dad tell you
to ask me that?Copy !req
697. No, Millie did.Copy !req
698. That figures.Copy !req
699. Forget it.Copy !req
700. You know, tell her
to mind her own business.Copy !req
701. You know, just because
she asked me to ask youCopy !req
702. doesn't mean I was gonna
tell her what you said.Copy !req
703. Sam?Copy !req
704. Did Mom and Dad
ever tell youCopy !req
705. that I was the only one
with Grandma when she died?Copy !req
706. No.Copy !req
707. Yeah.Copy !req
708. They went down to the cafeteria
to get some coffee...Copy !req
709. And all of a sudden,
Grandma looked so terrified.Copy !req
710. I didn't know what to do.Copy !req
711. She grabbed my hand and told me
she didn't want to go.Copy !req
712. She looked
so scared, Sam.Copy !req
713. So, I said,
"well, you know,Copy !req
714. can you see God or heaven
or a light or anything?"Copy !req
715. What did she say?Copy !req
716. "No.Copy !req
717. There's nothing."Copy !req
718. She was a good person
all her life,Copy !req
719. and that's what she got.Copy !req
720. So...Copy !req
721. You do think that
we could beat up Alan?Copy !req
722. Yeah.Copy !req
723. He's a goner.Copy !req
724. Oh, man, where's Sam?Copy !req
725. It's almost 3:00.
Alan's gonna be here.Copy !req
726. I'll bet he forgot
his math book.Copy !req
727. - I'm sure he's coming.
- All right.Copy !req
728. Colin!
You came to help us?Copy !req
729. No way.
I just came to watch.Copy !req
730. It should be exciting.Copy !req
731. Uh, because
we're gonna win?Copy !req
732. Either way.Copy !req
733. Oh, man, where's Sam?Copy !req
734. Sam.Copy !req
735. Can't talk.
Gotta fight Alan.Copy !req
736. Hi, Sam.Copy !req
737. Oh, hi, Cindy.Copy !req
738. Where's Sam?
It's 3:00.Copy !req
739. Oh, okay, so now,
don't let AlanCopy !req
740. hit any of your
pressure pointsCopy !req
741. cause if he does,
you're not gonna feel anything,Copy !req
742. but you'll drop dead
in three days.Copy !req
743. Oh, man,
my stomach hurts.Copy !req
744. - Bill, you'll be fine.
- No, it really hurts.Copy !req
745. I think I should go home.Copy !req
746. This is how Houdini died.Copy !req
747. Oh, you should
always guard your faceCopy !req
748. 'cause if the other guy
hits you in the nose,Copy !req
749. it could drive the nose bone
into your brain,Copy !req
750. and then you'll
release your bowels and die.Copy !req
751. - Shut up, would you?
- No, he's right.Copy !req
752. There are a lot of ways
to die in a fight.Copy !req
753. Maybe we
should put this off.Copy !req
754. Hey, there's Sam.Copy !req
755. Sam! Sam!Copy !req
756. - Stop it.
- Sam!Copy !req
757. Stop it, you moron.Copy !req
758. That's not Sam.
It's Alan.Copy !req
759. What?Copy !req
760. So, um,
what are you doin'?Copy !req
761. Oh, just goin' home.
How about you?Copy !req
762. I'm cheering at the game.Copy !req
763. Oh.Copy !req
764. Well...
you're dressed for it.Copy !req
765. What are you losers
doin' on my street?Copy !req
766. Nothing.Copy !req
767. We're kind of here
to beat you up.Copy !req
768. - Bill!
- Well, we are.Copy !req
769. Are you?Copy !req
770. He's just‒
he's kidding.Copy !req
771. I'm not talkin'
to you, dork!Copy !req
772. What are you laughin' at,
pinhead?Copy !req
773. - Oh, I'm just here to watch.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
774. Well, watch this.Copy !req
775. Aah!Copy !req
776. You are so dead!Copy !req
777. Aah!Copy !req
778. Well, um,
I gotta get out there.Copy !req
779. I'll see ya.Copy !req
780. All right.
See ya.Copy !req
781. Hey, Cindy?Copy !req
782. Yeah?Copy !req
783. I was wondering, um...Copy !req
784. Do, uh...Copy !req
785. Ohh!Copy !req
786. You want a piece of me?
I'll kill you!Copy !req
787. - Bring it on.
- Aah!Copy !req
788. Um...Copy !req
789. Do you wanna go
to the homecoming dance with me?Copy !req
790. Well, I'm already
going with Dan Lewis.Copy !req
791. He asked me two weeks ago.Copy !req
792. Oh, okay.
I mean, yeah.Copy !req
793. I just thought
I would askCopy !req
794. just in case you didn't
have anyone to go with.Copy !req
795. Well, um...Copy !req
796. I gotta get out there,
so I'll see ya.Copy !req
797. Oh, if you're there,
I'll save a dance for you.Copy !req
798. Okay.Copy !req
799. See ya.Copy !req
800. That could be good.Copy !req
801. Get off me, you psycho!Copy !req
802. Unh! Ah!Copy !req
803. You ripped my shirt.Copy !req
804. You're gonna buy me
a new shirt!Copy !req
805. You guys are all dead, man!
Really dead!Copy !req
806. I got punched in the nose,
but‒but I'm still alive.Copy !req
807. I guess the nose bone
must have missed my brain.Copy !req
808. Yeah, my stomach
doesn't hurt anymore.Copy !req
809. Mine does.Copy !req
810. Did you see me?
I was taunting him.Copy !req
811. He was terrified.Copy !req
812. Did you see me?Copy !req
813. I had his arms.
Totally shut him down.Copy !req
814. I had his shoes.Copy !req
815. Wait a minute.Copy !req
816. You... you guys fought Alan?Copy !req
817. No, we got hit by a car.Copy !req
818. Listen, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
819. I was talking to Cindy.Copy !req
820. You really stood up
for me.Copy !req
821. You should see
how he looks.Copy !req
822. - We tore his shirt.
- Yeah.Copy !req
823. So what'd she say?Copy !req
824. She's got a date,
but she's saving a dance for me.Copy !req
825. So you're goin'.Copy !req
826. Yeah.Copy !req
827. You've gotta slow dance.Copy !req
828. Yeah, definitely slow.Copy !req
829. Thanks. You know,
I'll be there the next time.Copy !req
830. Oh, god, I hope
there's not a next time.Copy !req
831. Look, uh, I know
you're not happy about this,Copy !req
832. but don't make me
the bad guy here.Copy !req
833. If the worst thing
in your lifeCopy !req
834. is somebody
makes you go to a dance,Copy !req
835. then I'd say you
have a pretty good life.Copy !req
836. - Hi, Cindy.
- Hey, Sam.Copy !req
837. I was wondering, um...Copy !req
838. You said you'd
save a dance for me,Copy !req
839. so can I have it now?Copy !req
840. I mean,
if you're not busy.Copy !req
841. I'm not busy.Copy !req
842. Come on, Sam!Copy !req
843. What are you
thinking about, Lindsay?Copy !req
844. I think I'm gonna
dance with Eli.Copy !req
845. I'll be right back,
Jeff.Copy !req
846. Uh, Linds?Copy !req
847. Maybe you should start
calling me Mr. Rosso again.Copy !req
848. Now, that's
the perfect couple.Copy !req
849. I mean, they got
some chemistry‒ow!Copy !req
850. - Shut up!
- What did I do?Copy !req