Fleabag 1x5

Directed by Harry Bradbeer

Ben Aldridge as Arsehole Guy • Olivia Colman as Godmother • Bill Paterson as Dad • Christopher Colquhoun as Doctor

Fleabag and Claire return to their family home for the annual memorial lunch.

Request examples:

!req Fleabag 1x5 [02:32]
!req Fleabag 1x5 [Fleabag 1x5]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Fleabag 1x5 [10-11]; !req Fleabag 1x5 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I mean, we're all being very grown up about this, but, um—

2. Let me know if you feel any discomfort.

3. Oh, no, it's lovely. Thank you.

4. Your father informed me of your family history.

5. Yeah, evil boobs everywhere.

6. Arm up, please.

7. Hey. Stop it.

8. I'm sorry, I'm just ticklish.

9. Examined your sister this morning.

10. Did you? Does she—

11. Is she all right? Did she seem all right?

12. Yes. Why?

13. Uh, just can't get hold of her.

14. She seemed very busy.

15. Mm, sure.

16. Dad books us boob appointments once a year

17. to make sure our tits don't turn on us like Mum's did.

18. It's a bit of a hassle, but at the end of the day,

19. it's nice to be touched.

20. Bet you look forward to seeing Claire.

21. Whole lot more to touch, if you know what I mean.

22. I'm sorry. It's just there are worse jobs.

23. Look, uh—

24. I check for cancerous lumps in mammary glands.

25. Now, any pleasure I derive from that

26. is entirely dependent upon whether or not

27. I am about to save your life.

28. Of course, doctor.

29. You can put your clothes back on.

30. Hey!

31. Hey.

32. She's here.

33. I've been waiting out here for nearly ten minutes.

34. Oh, you left me on a fucking side of a hill.

35. Yes, well, I had to.

36. Did you get back okay? God, this is so stressful.

37. Mum's memorial lunch.

38. I should have worn my other coat.

39. Visiting Dad is hell for Claire.

40. I see it more as a sport.

41. It's so inappropriate that she should be here.

42. Have you spoken to Martin?

43. Oh, it's fine, everything's fine,

44. everything's totally fine.

45. Sounds like it's fine.

46. Can you just give me some space?

47. You're standing so close to me.

48. - Ready? - No.

49. Don't tell Dad about Finland.

50. And don't provoke her.

51. Let's just get out of this alive.

52. Okay?

53. Girls.

54. Gotta hand it to her.

55. Hi.

56. Oh, you shouldn't have.

57. Oh. They're actually for Dad.

58. Oh, are they freesias?

59. Yeah, they were sort of a favorite of—

60. Oh, gosh, how special.

61. How lovely. Aren't they stunning?

62. Oh, let's just leave them... there.

63. Lovely.

64. Come in.

65. Who's Dad sawing in half?

66. Oh, just the tree.

67. Sorry?

68. The tree in the back garden.

69. Why are you taking the tree down?

70. Oh, Felicity tried to use it to get out.

71. She's very expensive.

72. This is nice.

73. Thank you.

74. Oh, this is beautiful.

75. I hope you don't mind my being here,

76. but my Pilates fell through, so—

77. - Oh, no, of course. - Of course, no, it's lovely.

78. It's a sad day. Sad, sad day.

79. I'll get the champagne.

80. This is my favorite bit.

81. Wonder who's going to...

82. That's a lovely cushion.

83. Thanks. It's an original.

84. Gosh.

85. I love your hat.

86. It's a hair scarf.

87. Looks like a hat.

88. Well, it's a hair scarf.

89. Okay.

90. Is Martin coming?

91. Oh, no. He's away.

92. I'm very excited to meet your new chap.

93. Is he—

94. Oh, no, he's a different one.

95. Ooh.

96. You do turn over fast.

97. Dad'll come in with some weird canapés in a second.

98. Oh, girls.

99. Mm.

100. - Hello. - Hi.

101. - Hi. - Hello. Yeah.

102. Sorry about all that noise.

103. Uh, you got a drink?

104. Uh, oh, sorry.

105. I forgot your glass.

106. Oh, you're, uh, both looking very healthy.

107. Very— very good and healthy and, um—

108. Did you, uh, talk to Dr. Samuels about your, uh—

109. - Yes. - Yes. Mm-hm.

110. And they're happy, they're getting along...

111. all right?

112. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

113. - Great. - Good. Excellent.

114. You are my...

115. daughters.

116. - Yep. - Mm-hm. Yeah, we are.

117. Sit down.

118. Um, I think I should say a few words about your mother.

119. Ignore me. Ignore me, ignore me.

120. This day is not an easy one.

121. Ooh! Sorry.

122. Cheers.

123. To Mum.

124. To Mum.

125. To Margaret.

126. Dearest Margaret.

127. Just the most generous woman.

128. Yeah, well, she certainly was—

129. Yes, she was great.

130. It was— It was the voices she used, uh, for the pigeons.

131. She always made them sound so rude, you know?

132. But very, very funny.

133. She used to take the— the girls round the park,

134. and point at the, uh—

135. Oh, the squirrel voices were the best.

136. Run.

137. - Run! Fucking run.

138. - Fucking run.

139. - Yes, yes,

140. my— my ex did a similar thing.

141. Voices and fun.

142. Really, really funny man.

143. Really funny.

144. Can I help you with the food?

145. Uh, yes, yes, actually, yes.

146. And take that off.

147. So, are you going to Finland?

148. You're gonna have to talk to me eventually.

149. Plaits.

150. Either she's got her period,

151. or some serious shit's gone down.

152. She always does something slightly different around her period.

153. She gets really bad PMT.

154. Mum used to call it her monthly confidence crisis.

155. But it's PMT.

156. The only way she can get through it

157. is to reinvent herself in some small way.

158. What?

159. Doing a wee on this cushion.

160. What?

161. I sort of wish you were.

162. What are you doing?

163. Just put it back where you got it from, okay?

164. - No. - Just do it.

165. I don't want it in my house.

166. I'm doing you a massive favor.

167. She could really go to town on you for this.

168. Come on, what's she gonna do, draw me?

169. - Go. - No.

170. Oh, okay, okay, okay. Jesus.

171. Why are we sneaking?

172. We're not allowed upstairs.

173. Of course, we are.

174. God.

175. I keep forgetting that she's actually talented.

176. I know. It's infuriating.

177. Go on, then.

178. - Whoo. - Where's her head?

179. She's got your boobs. She doesn't need one.

180. Okay.

181. Okay.

182. Hey.

183. Is everything okay?

184. With Martin?

185. You've invited someone today?

186. Yeah. Yeah, he's horrifically hot.

187. You're gonna puke when you see him.

188. Are you on your period?

189. Why would you ask that?

190. The plaits. No reason.

191. - Say it. - The plaits.

192. Hey. Do you think she's ever painted Dad naked?

193. I think you should take your nose out of other people's marriages.

194. Ooh. Sneaking a preview, are we?

195. Sorry, I— I spilled my champagne and, uh—

196. I got distracted on my way to the bathroom.

197. Me, too.

198. It's really beautiful work.

199. Thank you.

200. Let me show you to the loo.

201. Oh. That's all right.

202. We grew up in this house.

203. It's all changed now, though.

204. Your father's in the kitchen.

205. Oh, great. I'll go and torment him.

206. He hates being alone in a room with me.

207. Watch this.

208. - Hi, Dad. - Ooh, oh.

209. Uh— Oh, I—

210. Uh, um, I— I just need some, uh—

211. - Just need— - What do you need?

212. Need some, uh, uh, salt.

213. There it is.

214. Oh. Here it is. Yeah.

215. So, um—

216. How are you, darling?

217. Have you got enough, uh, clothes?

218. Oh, could never have enough clothes.

219. Right. And how's the cafe?

220. Um, well, the lease is up in a couple of days, and...

221. I don't think I can really afford to—

222. I think I'm just gonna have to accept that it's—

223. I'm sorry about that, darling,

224. but we are just a little bit tight in the purse strings, too.

225. Oh, no, no, no, I wasn't asking you for any—

226. We've just been keeping it quiet.

227. We haven't been able to— to buy anything or do anything,

228. and, uh—

229. Ooh. What's that?

230. Oh, that, that is just a tiny little house we're, uh—

231. we're buying in, uh— in France.

232. Lovely.

233. Yeah, I, uh—

234. I just wanted to talk to you

235. about this, uh, exhibition.

236. What exhibition?

237. Oh! Oh, no!

238. Jesus, Dad, okay.

239. Don't let this— Please, pick it up, pick it up.

240. - Help me, please. - Jesus, Dad, okay.

241. Please, please. She mustn't see it.

242. - Okay. - She mustn't find out.

243. Mm, five second rule.

244. No, I have never bought into that rule.

245. That's disgusting.

246. What are you doing?

247. Oh, just a little family tradition.

248. Oh, odd fun. What are the rules?

249. Oh, thank God. That'll be your man.

250. I mean, I didn't want to show off, but, um—

251. Gosh.

252. You really are.

253. So, how did you two meet?

254. Fucked me up the ass.

255. I used to manage a bar,

256. and I, uh, just found her crying

257. in the toilet one night.

258. How about you two, how did you two meet?

259. Through our mother, actually.

260. How is work, Claire?

261. Oh. Fine. Nothing new.

262. She used to be our godmother.

263. Still am.

264. But then their parents split up.

265. Mum died.

266. And we just became even closer friends.

267. You know, and I can say this because I'm an artist,

268. but you really are very good looking.

269. Thank you.

270. Very.

271. Thank you.

272. Very.

273. Thank you.

274. I mean, almost...

275. too good looking.

276. Uh, well, if you excuse me,

277. I'm gonna go and do that old human thing.

278. How's the exhibition going?

279. Ah, yes, yes, um, I— I, uh— I wanted to talk to you about that.

280. Talking about me?

281. - All good things, all good things. - Very good looking.

282. Oh, and again.

283. Have you found a venue?

284. What exhibition?

285. Thank you so much for asking.

286. Uh, we have actually found a—

287. Yeah, there are some elements of the work

288. that I, you know, I wanted to talk to you about.

289. It's a "sexhibition."

290. But don't panic, it's nothing scary.

291. It's simply a journey through my physical and sexual life,

292. climaxing in a few pieces inspired by and molded on your father.

293. And there are photos.

294. Um, I've taken a photo of my naked body

295. every year for the past 30 years.

296. Why?

297. Well, I think it's important for women of all ages

298. to see how my body has changed.

299. Over the years. I think they have to have

300. a healthy perspective on my body.

301. - Don't they? - Oh, absolutely.

302. Mm. I mean, I don't need to tell you,

303. but your father is a deeply sexual man.

304. No, you don't.

305. Just did. Knew it.

306. I'm just very lucky.

307. I will be touched until the day I die.

308. And so will you, Claire.

309. I mean, it's really all that humans want,

310. is to be loved,

311. and to be touched.

312. Um, tell Dad about your promotion, Claire.

313. - There's nothing to tell. - What promotion?

314. - Finland.

315. Oh! Odd place.

316. - Any news? - No.

317. - She got it. - Oh!

318. For fuck's sake.

319. Congratulations, Claire.

320. - Thank you. - Clever girl.

321. - Can we not? - This is so exciting.

322. She's turning it down.

323. - Why? - Why?

324. Oh, why— why not? Why, Claire?

325. - Claire, are you pregnant? - Why aren't you getting on a plane

326. to your cold rich future?

327. - Oh, Claire, why? - This is everything you've ever hoped for.

328. Because you can't just fuck off on airplanes,

329. and leave your weird stepson and broken sister

330. to fend for themselves. Okay?

331. Excuse me.

332. She's your sister. It's your job to annoy her.

333. No! No, I'm just so annoyed with myself.

334. I wish I could just meet myself and just...

335. have a go at myself.

336. Do your worst.

337. Come on, bitch!

338. You don't take yourself seriously.

339. Aww, pussy.

340. You need to reach out to your family.

341. You need to stop provoking your sister, just grow up.

342. You do not take yourself seriously as a business woman,

343. you need to pay your fucking bills,

344. and you need to be nicer to Hillary,

345. and you need to get a new hat.

346. Is that better?

347. Yeah, it's better.

348. Okay.

349. Off you go.

350. The art work in this house is...

351. stunning.

352. Who is it?

353. If I tell you, will you promise to come to my "sexhibition"?

354. It's not your work.

355. Will you come?

356. It would be an honor.

357. How's your little restaurant?

358. It's a cafe.

359. Oh, don't do it a disservice.

360. I'm not.

361. It's a cafe.

362. Oh. Sorry.

363. It's fine.

364. It's fine.

365. Your father tells me you're struggling.

366. Well, I think we all are.

367. Oh, well, yes.

368. But, I mean, now there's only one of you.

369. God, I can't imagine what you've been through.

370. Sorry, have I missed something?

371. Well, her dear little friend died,

372. and, uh, left her to run the cafe on her own.

373. Jesus.

374. Oh, God, that is truly awful. How did she die?

375. - Oh, she killed herself. - It was an accident.

376. Well, maybe it's time to let the little restaurant go.

377. Give it up. Sell it. Have a little holiday.

378. We did this.

379. Mm-hm.

380. And whatever happens, we never let it go. Okay?

381. Excuse me.

382. Have you seen Felicity?

383. Oh, no, sorry.

384. Gosh, all sorts of things go missing in this house, don't they?

385. - Big house. - Yes, lovely house.

386. Oh, the sculpture turned up.

387. - Did it? - Yes.

388. Must have just toppled off the side.

389. Well, if you rid a woman of her head and limbs,

390. you can't expect her to do anything other than...

391. roll around.

392. What?

393. Oh, your father and I often say

394. when you've had a few drinks,

395. you're so like your mother.

396. Oh, what—

397. Look at these.

398. So, the party's moved to the hallway. Always a good sign.

399. Does anyone mind if I leave?

400. I've got an icky tummy.

401. So swift.

402. Thanks.

403. I'm not going to kiss you,

404. because I'm probably very ill.

405. You, too. Come on.

406. Goodbye, then, my, uh—

407. my daughters.

408. Goodbye.

409. What a lovely occasion.

410. Yeah. See you at the "sexhibition."

411. - No, there's no need to— - Yes, lovely.

412. No, no. I'll definitely be there.

413. I will definitely be there.

414. Hold up.

415. Yeah, trying to keep me overnight?

416. Very good looking.

417. I might not see you again. You're very good looking.

418. Yes, yes, very good looking.

419. Thanks. I owe you.

420. No, I owe you.

421. It's been really nice to spend the day with a normal family.

422. Actually feel quite emotional.

423. You'll stay with me tonight.

424. Sure.

425. I'm going to go warm up the bike.

426. - Lovely to meet you, Claire. - You, too.

427. - Um, what's his— - Fucked me up the ass.

428. - Oh, that's— - Yeah. Mm-hm.

429. I totally see that now.

430. Mm.

431. I'm sorry I was a—

432. Listen to me.

433. I'm going to leave Martin.

434. I'm going to give you the money for the cafe.

435. And I'm gonna go to fucking Finland.

436. Okay.

437. Oh, and, uh—

438. That is the coolest thing you've ever done.

439. I know.

440. Thanks, Claire.

441. Shall we—

442. We can try.

443. I'll see you at the "sexhibition."

444. Yeah.