Fleabag 1x2

Directed by Harry Bradbeer

Daniella Isaacs as Yoga Girl 1 • Olivia Gray as Yoga Girl 2 • Kevin McNally as Older Man • Ben Aldridge as Arsehole Guy • Jeff Mirza as Shop Owner

Haunted by memories of her dead best friend, dumped by her emotionally-fragile boyfriend, and now desperately trying to sell her stolen goods, Fleabag attempts to rekindle romantic fires to distract her from the mayhem of her life.

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!req Fleabag 1x2 [02:32]
!req Fleabag 1x2 [Fleabag 1x2]
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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. I think my period's coming.

2. Oh-kay.

3. - Hi. - Are you all right?

4. What's happened? Are you hurt?

5. - No. - Oh, good.

6. Nice haircut.

7. It's better.

8. Can I come in?

9. Why didn't you text?

10. Well, I just thought I'd pop by.

11. - Tell the truth. - I need to speak to Martin.

12. - Martin? - Martin. Martin.

13. Why on earth would you want to speak to—

14. - Martin. - Hello, hello.

15. My wife in my study. Hello.

16. Give me two.

17. Gang bangs. Asian. I'd put a tenner or it.

18. Finished.

19. Well, hello, you.

20. She wants to talk to you about something.

21. Oh. It must be my lucky day.

22. You said she only likes to talk to people she fancies.

23. Ugh. Can you leave us?

24. Why?

25. He's organizing your surprise birthday party.

26. Uh— You know I hate s— Okay.

27. I have a week to organize that now.

28. Best of luck.

29. Nice top.

30. Ugh. Thanks.

31. Do you deal in sculptures as well as paintings and papier-mâché?

32. Depends on the quality of the piece.

33. Fuck me.

34. Hm. What a pair.

35. I know, right?

36. Where'd you get this?

37. Oh, just, uh—

38. Stole it. From a market.

39. Well, it's quite a piece. Who's the artist?

40. Just a... market artist.

41. Huh. If I sell it, I take 10 percent. Deal?

42. - Deal. - Okay.

43. Well, I'll get her photograph now.

44. Don't tell Claire. Please.

45. Or what?

46. - Or I'll— I'll—

47. You got nothin' on me, princess.

48. Or I'll tell her you're watching gang bangs.

49. Please don't do that again.

50. I wasn't, by the way.

51. Ugh.

52. Disappointing.

53. Um... where did you get that?

54. Oh, I brought it with me.

55. No, you didn't. Give it back.

56. Tight.

57. Patch things up with Harry?

58. Uh, yeah, we're, um—

59. We're engaged.

60. God, what?

61. No, we're not engaged.

62. No, he's back at the flat packing up all his stuff again.

63. Well, I'm sorry.

64. He really used to make you laugh.

65. He also used to say things like—

66. You aren't like other girls. You can keep up.

67. I like Harry.

68. I liked his songs.

69. I admire how much Harry commits to our breakups.

70. I mean, this is a new detail,

71. but he does usually go the extra mile.

72. A few times he's even cleaned the whole flat.

73. Like it's a crime scene.

74. I've considered timing a break up

75. for when the flat needs a bit of a going over.

76. I don't think this is working.

77. What?

78. But he always leaves...

79. him.

80. To come back for.

81. Gonna think about all the people I can have sex with now.

82. I'm not obsessed with sex.

83. I just can't stop thinking about it.

84. The performance of it.

85. The awkwardness of it.

86. The drama of it.

87. The moment you realize someone wants your body.

88. Not so much the feeling of it.

89. Probably got about 48 hours before Harry comes back.

90. I should get on it.

91. I took half an hour trying to look nice,

92. and I ended up looking amazing.

93. Just one of those days. Gorgeous, fresh faced,

94. new top, little bit sexy.

95. On my way to open my cafe, and— Oh, God.

96. Yeah, you check me out, chub chub,

97. 'cause it's never gonna happen.

98. Oh, God, he can't believe how attractive I am.

99. Kind of worried I'm gonna make a sex offender out of the poor guy.

100. Here we go. This better be good.

101. - Here we go. - Walk of shame.

102. - Oy!

103. Oh. Dropped my cucumber.

104. Just dropped my—

105. Um, could I get a cheese sandwich to go, please?

106. Sure.

107. That'll be, um— uh, 12 pounds, 55, please.

108. London.

109. Thanks.

110. Where do I recognize her? Is she famous?

111. Boo's death hit the papers.

112. Local cafe girl gets hit by bike.

113. And a car. And another bike.

114. Uh, no, she, uh— She used to work here.

115. Oh.

116. I'm sorry, I don't have any change.

117. The next man who walks in here

118. is getting ridden to death.

119. - Dad. - Hi.

120. Not ideal.

121. Um, how are you there, darling?

122. Um... you busy?

123. A bit.

124. Well, I won't— I won't keep you, uh—

125. I just wanted to talk about when you—

126. when you dropped in the other night.

127. Okay.

128. I can't help thinking that I—

129. - We, uh— - Yeah?

130. I know that we, uh, don't have much of a chance to, uh—

131. Did you take a sculpture?

132. Did you, um... take a sculpture?

133. Did you take it?

134. No. What sculpture?

135. Oh, right. Right.

136. Good. You said no, and, uh—

137. That means I can go.

138. All right. Great.

139. Whoo.

140. If you happen— Are you healthy?

141. Mm.

142. Hey. Do you do, like, hot organic-y foods?

143. Of course.

144. What would you like?

145. - Um, uh, like risotto? - Yeah.

146. Sure. Grab a seat.

147. Hey.

148. - Hi. - Hey.

149. - Hey. - It's nice to see you.

150. You, too. Fuck me up the ass.

151. What are you getting?

152. Oh, just these. For my tiny, bleeding vagina.

153. - Hot. - You?

154. Stock cubes.

155. Hot.

156. Hope it's a light flow.

157. Oh. It never is.

158. It never... is.

159. Listen, uh, you around later?

160. Uh, yes, fucking yes, please yes. Yes.

161. Cool.

162. Cool.

163. Yes!

164. I'm so happy with my body now

165. that I don't have to define myself by how I look.

166. I've just got a fucking great body.

167. - Yeah. - Yeah, I can, like, do other stuff now.

168. That's so great.

169. Mike wants to start trying for a baby.

170. Okay. That—

171. I can't blow this body on a baby, Steph.

172. And, you know, I have to leave him.

173. - Oh, fuck! - Oh, fuck!

174. - Oh, shit. - That is not hygienic.

175. - Sorry. - Oh, gross.

176. We're leaving now.

177. I suppose you should meet Hillary.

178. Two years ago, I—

179. Okay. The most important thing is,

180. if you don't like it, we can't take it back, okay?

181. Okay.

182. Happy birthday.

183. I'm sorry, I panicked.

184. As long as I can wear it or eat it, I'm happy.

185. You could do both of those things.

186. Oh, my God, did you get me a—

187. What is this?

188. - I— I— - What the— What is—

189. - Uh, I don't know. - What is it?

190. Something to love?

191. She's beautiful.

192. You idiot.

193. Escape artist.

194. I don't feel anything about guinea pigs.

195. They're pointless.

196. But Boo took Hillary very seriously as a gift,

197. and soon everything became guinea pig related.

198. This is an excellent one.

199. Drink?

200. Look, I'm, uh, sorry about the mess.

201. No problem.

202. Want some prosciutto with that?

203. Mm.

204. Mm.

205. Oh. So reliable.

206. Utterly inaccessible, relentlessly profound.

207. All he wants is to get you in the bath and ask questions, like—

208. What are you afraid of?

209. And you find yourself saying things like—

210. I guess...

211. losing the currency of youth.

212. Ask me a question.

213. When did you realize you were so good looking?

214. I knew I was different when I was about nine.

215. But shit got real around 11.

216. Shit got real?

217. You know, aunts got weird.

218. I have another question.

219. Okay.

220. Do you ever feel lonely?

221. Yeah.

222. Of course.

223. Do you?

224. Never.

225. Do you want some pineapple?

226. Yeah.

227. God, yeah.

228. Oh. Oh, they're so small.

229. They are so small.

230. What?

231. They're so small.

232. - So— - Small.

233. God, they are so fucking tiny.

234. Uh, yeah, I guess they are.

235. Oh, God, they are hardly even there.

236. I mean, where the fuck even are they?

237. - Bit much.

238. Excuse me.

239. Oh, yeah.

240. I'm having a Harry panic.

241. - Madam Ovary is telling me

242. to run back to safe place.

243. I can make baby in safe place, but...

244. gonna ride it out.

245. Mustn't call H—

246. Thanks for coming.

247. That's okay.

248. Uh, you okay?

249. Your message sounded urgent.

250. Were you busy?

251. - No, I was in the interval of "Cats." - Oh, cool.

252. - Okay. - The musical.

253. - Was it good? - Really good, actually.

254. Really good.

255. - Sorry for interrupting. - No, that's okay.

256. I, uh— I got the feeling it wasn't gonna end well for the cats.

257. So, uh, probably good to remember them like that

258. before they all—

259. Sorry, um, are you okay?

260. Who were you with?

261. Uh, work friend.

262. A girl.

263. I, um—

264. I found this.

265. Thanks.

266. I didn't realize I'd left it.

267. Why's your hair wet?

268. Don't look at me like that.

269. Like what? Like what?

270. Look, I don't want to sound cold or cruel or—

271. You know, and I don't want you to think

272. I'm just off happy at the theater all the time, either.

273. I'm not.

274. But I'm not going to— I just—

275. If this is about us getting back together,

276. I was serious. This time I'm not just going to come running back.

277. I really just need some time away from—

278. I'm so glad you called.

279. I'm so glad you picked up.

280. I've missed you.

281. I've missed you.

282. Oh, my gosh, you feel good.

283. I wish he'd just fuck me.

284. All he wants to do is make love.

285. - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm really good.

286. I'm amazing.

287. He's wasting me.

288. I was once fucking this guy

289. who would breathe on every thrust.

290. You're so young. You're so young.

291. I masturbate about that all the time.

292. I masturbate a lot these days.

293. Especially when I'm bored.

294. Ahh. Or Angry.

295. Or upset. Can we just—

296. Or happy. Or— Yeah.

297. Oh. Yeah.

298. - Oh. - Amazing.

299. - Yeah. Yeah. - Shall I?

300. No, could you just—

301. Just stay there.

302. Ahh, just don't— Yeah, no, don't, just—

303. Yeah, shh, shh. Ahh. Yeah.

304. Yes, just— Ahh, just—

305. Oh, G—

306. You know, I think we should stop masturbating.

307. Well, don't say anything yet.

308. I just—

309. Well, I just think it might help us focus.

310. On each other. Be more present.

311. Really successful couples do it, you know.

312. - Um— - I've hidden our vibrators.

313. - Our? - I thought it might be fun.

314. - To find them? - No.

315. Just to try and not...

316. touch ourselves.

317. To try and save our touches for each other.

318. What do you think?

319. Well, I think you're being really sexy.

320. - Don't.

321. Oh, I'm joking.

322. I never masturbate. I don't know how.

323. Yeah, also, I thought we should try and surprise each other

324. once every day, just a, you know,

325. sweet little something just to keep it, you know—

326. Are you getting this out of a book?

327. I've already planned your first surprise.

328. So...

329. don't eat too much before dinner.

330. See you later.

331. And I will see you later, too.

332. Oh.

333. Hi.

334. Just thought I'd pop by for some lunch.

335. Bit weird.

336. Yes. Well...

337. How are you?

338. Uh, quiet day?

339. Uh, yeah, I'm fine.

340. You okay? You look stressed.

341. Well, I'm successful, so—

342. Do you have rye bread?

343. Uh, no, but I have some normal bread

344. you can puke up after.

345. Great.

346. What do you want on it?

347. Oh, just tomatoes is fine.

348. Just tomatoes?

349. Just a tomato sandwich?

350. Yes. Is there a problem?

351. No.

352. Listen, I don't want to know anything about this surprise party,

353. but if you could just, um, have it in mind this Friday at 7:30,

354. that'd be great.

355. I can organize it and act surprised,

356. but if you could just, um—

357. You know what? Why don't I just do it.

358. I can organize it, do the food, act surprised,

359. and just take it off your hands.

360. I mean, I see that you're busy.

361. - So— - Okay. If you want.

362. Well, I don't want to, but I think it'd be easier for everyone

363. - if I could just— - Okay.

364. I mean, I've done it, it's done.

365. It's this Friday at 7:30 at mine.

366. Great.

367. How behind are you?

368. If it's money that you need—

369. I don't need money.

370. That'll be 25 pounds, please.

371. London.

372. Thanks.

373. Can't believe that thing's still alive.

374. Oh, um, any news on Harry?

375. Yeah, we're back together.

376. Oh, God, I can't keep up.

377. Hello?

378. Harry?

379. Oh. Shit.

380. Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise.

381. - Surprise!

382. Harry, it's me! It's me! It's me.

383. Why would you do that? I thought I was gonna get raped.

384. Baby, I'm sorry.

385. I thought you wanted a surprise. It was a ninja surprise.

386. Oh, my God, my heart.

387. I'm shaking so bad, oh, my God.

388. Oh.

389. Oh, my God.

390. - Oh. - Oh, my God.

391. Are you okay? Is it okay?

392. Are you— Are you okay?

393. Oh, my God.

394. Did you have a good day?

395. I did, yeah. It was fine. Harry, I'm so sorry.

396. - I'm sorry. I didn't think—

397. I didn't think you were gonna react like that.

398. I— I'm sorry, it was a joke.

399. It was— I was a good joke.

400. Oh— Jesus.

401. I thought you'd be later.

402. - Yeah, I—

403. - Oh, my God!

404. Oh, God. Sorry, I just think that I'm still in shock.

405. I'm sorry.

406. That was horrible.

407. It was a surprise.

408. I know. Thank you.

409. It's fine.

410. Should I go and get us some wine?

411. Okay.

412. I know what you look like! I know what you took!

413. That is the last time!

414. Splashed out on a special bottle for a special—

415. Harry?

416. Had to go into the history of my computer

417. to find something I've seen on the H&M website this morning,

418. and— I don't want to point fingers,

419. but anal, gang bang, mature, big cock,

420. small tits, hentai, Asian, teen, MILF,

421. big butts, lesbian, gay, facial, fetish,

422. bukkake, young and old, swallow, rough,

423. voyeur, and public.

424. Why are you being so sexy?

425. Don't make me hate you.

426. Loving you is painful enough.

427. Okay, sorry.

428. But I really think you should write that down.

429. Yeah, I know it's not appropriate,

430. but I really think you should write that down.

431. - It's really good for— - I'm not gonna write down—

432. No, no, I'm serious, for your songs and stuff.

433. It's perfect. It's poetic yet real.

434. Serious.

435. Don't... make me—

436. - Hate you. - Yeah, I know, thank you.

437. Loving you is painful—

438. What am I doing?

439. There's someone at work who loves me.

440. Well, she told me she loves me,

441. and I said we couldn't be together because I had to know—

442. Do you want to be alone?

443. Then you'll never see me again.

444. I'll always love you but I just can't take it anymore.

445. I— I don't hate you, I'm scared for you.

446. He's gonna write that down.

447. I'm gonna go pack my things up from the bedroom again,

448. but, um—

449. I'm not gonna clean.

450. It's still in pretty good shape, so—

451. If I don't see you after that...

452. goodbye.

453. Forever.

454. He'll be back.