Flatbush Misdemeanors 1x5

1. You don't— you don't have to do that.

2. I'll bet. Say less.

3. I mean, that— that would be good.

4. Like, I would like that.

5. She stole my belt!

6. - She hit her— - I don't wanna hear it.

7. You should come hang at practice.

8. What about that girl at your school, you—you smash?

9. She's my boss.

10. We almost did, but I fell asleep.

11. Your parents know you over here?

12. - Yeah. - I don't think they do.

13. Didn't we tell you to come home after school?

14. You're wicked. Don't even try to the devil.

15. Let's go, come on. Before I slap you yet here.

16. upbeat music

17. Yes, yes

18. Damn, I think you have waves.

19. I know. Can you fix it?

20. Don't worry.

21. I can make you look like Michael B. Jordan, dude.

22. Bro, shut the fuck up, man.

23. Damn, nigga.

24. What happened? You got cancer?

25. You look old, young, and middle age at the same time.

26. How your bald spot have a bald spot?

27. It's so bad it's a masterpiece.

28. So never—Oz, Oz, Oz, can you listen?

29. Oz listen, pay attention here.

30. I'm still growing. I gotta eat.

31. Listen, never drift outside the paints.

32. Nobody can stop you down low.

33. I'm more of an outside shooter.

34. No, Oz, do you remember what happened

35. the last time you took it three?

36. Just didn't aim it right.

37. Listen, your height could be a huge value to the team.

38. Just to use it.

39. But I wanna be more than just tall.

40. No, you're tall. That's everything.

41. Being tall is everything in high school basketball.

42. Even life, success is mostly about being tall

43. or acting tall.

44. Look, if you don't play smarter tomorrow,

45. Coach is gonna bench you for the season.

46. Coach Bowser say that? Man, I fucking hate that dude.

47. I do too, but don't tell him I said that but—

48. Yo, what you think of this?

49. It's fine.

50. Yeah?

51. It looks nice.

52. Thank you again, Mr. Joseph.

53. - See you, man. - Yeah.

54. Hey, yo, that guy didn't pay for his food.

55. He said—

56. Goddamnit.

57. What you think, this is Make-A-Wish?

58. How much was his meal? - $55!

59. There's a tip, dude. And a—and a run-out charge.

60. That's why when somebody say, you know,

61. "When you get to the NBA, don't forget about me"

62. and all that stuff, I should say to them,

63. "Well, if I don't make it, don't forget about me."

64. upbeat music

65. They letting you coach now?

66. Nah, Coach Bowser still has me managing equipment.

67. And none of the kids feel encouraged.

68. He doesn't draw plays. He just screams.

69. That sound like an opportunity to me.

70. Head coach is lazy. The kids like you more.

71. Take his job.

72. I'm sure there's, like, red tape

73. or some dumb process or something.

74. - You a hypocrite. - How?

75. You always pushing me to get my painting out there.

76. Push yourself the same way to be a coach.

77. Maybe.

78. What you mean "maybe?"

79. Like, come on, man?

80. Middle school when you wanted to be a coach,

81. you made that happen.

82. Now you're saying maybe? What's with you?

83. I mean, I-I wanted to play on the middle school team

84. not be the assistant coach.

85. Yeah, but you can't have hoop.

86. So, you know, you made the coach thing work.

87. You all right?

88. Yeah. I-I just ran out of Xanax,

89. and my doctor's cutting me off till next week.

90. I'm not overdoing it.

91. They wouldn't prescribe a thing if it was bad for you.

92. Prescriptions are good.

93. That's Drew, isn't it?

94. - What? - That was your Drew sigh.

95. I don't have a Drew sigh.

96. Then how'd I know who it was?

97. Yo, stop bringing Drew free food.

98. The more you deal with him, the more bad shit happens.

99. You rather him come down here and fuck us up?

100. You just shouldn't go, man.

101. I don't have any other choice.

102. Just consider not going.

103. I'll see you at home.

104. Wait, do I have a Dan sigh?

105. Nah, you just look like you want me to shut up.

106. - True.

107. Hey.

108. - Hey. - Whoo.

109. - Okay.

110. Nice job, ladies.

111. Racy but not so racy where parents would complain.

112. Come on, Ms. Beretto, you gotta let me dance.

113. This routine gonna look stupid without the whole team.

114. You think your teammates are gonna look stupid without you?

115. Great team spirit, Zayna.

116. That's not—you know that's not what I meant.

117. Well, you should've thought about this

118. before you went all Laila Ali on folks.

119. The-the lady who sells haircare products at Target?

120. She was a boxer first.

121. Come on, know your female sports icons.

122. Dami and I obviously squashed it.

123. We dancing together.

124. Coach Higgins said that she'd let me.

125. Okay, well, while I'm in for Coach Higgins,

126. I make the rules.

127. It was her choice to go on maternity leave.

128. But the punishment doesn't fit the crime.

129. You put Dami in the hospital.

130. She didn't even get a bed! It was basically a checkup!

131. It's all good.

132. Ms. Reynolds, just let a dance with us.

133. We a team.

134. Where's you spirit at?

135. Rah, rah, rah, rah.

136. - Let's go Pigeons.

137. Uh-uh, you know what? Wait, wait, you know what?

138. Zayna, the principal made a judgment call,

139. and you were suspended.

140. You can't frame being punished as a lack of team spirit.

141. Why not? It makes sense to me.

142. I don't—I don't wanna hear it.

143. Yeah, still at dance practice, Mama.

144. Huh? Yes, me, Ms. B, Sharee, Gemma and Uli.

145. No, Zayna is not here.

146. I told you she's suspended. Don't worry.

147. Yes, I put the goat out.

148. Yes, Mama.

149. Hey, Zayna. All right.

150. Just caught up with Zayna.

151. That's nice.

152. Wait, I texted you a few times.

153. Sorry.

154. Uh, I did that thing where I-I saw the text,

155. but then didn't answer the texts.

156. That's cool.

157. We just haven't really talked since the other night, so—

158. Yeah, listen, Dan, that night was weird.

159. We both took a pill, which is something I never do, so—

160. Right, yeah, no. Same with me in terms of never.

161. Yeah, it's just for the best that it didn't go

162. too far at that time. I think we dodged a bullet.

163. It wouldn't have been that bad. Would it?

164. It would have.

165. Oh, I shouldn't have asked you to repeat that

166. the second time. It hurt my feelings.

167. I-I just don't wanna do something I'm gonna regret—

168. professionally speaking.

169. You know, me being in a position of authority.

170. I mean, we're teachers at a public high school.

171. Like, neither of us have that much authority.

172. Yeah, but I do have more authority.

173. I mean, not-not really.

174. Actually, yes.

175. In-in title, salary, responsibility,

176. really across the board.

177. I'm six months older.

178. It'd just be a bad look

179. if I was hooking up with an underling.

180. I don't feel like we're over underlings with each other.

181. I think we're so evenly linked.

182. It'd just be a mess.

183. So let's just keep it professional, okay?

184. I'm sorry.

185. Yo, White Lightning.

186. Let me holler at you a second.

187. So any more issues, just come by my office.

188. Okay? Coach.

189. Look, Danny boy.

190. Can you just call me "Dan"?

191. I heard you been coaching the boys behind my back.

192. I'm just answering a few questions.

193. Yeah, well, don't.

194. I don't need you to unteaching them shit I just taught?

195. Okay, but Coach Bowser—

196. It's Dr. Bowser, by the way.

197. I have a PhD in physical education.

198. Wait, can you write prescriptions?

199. - What? - Forget that.

200. - Look, Doctor? - Mm-hmm.

201. I've tried to run plays past you,

202. but it seems like you don't give a shit.

203. You picked up on that?

204. I'm just saying I can be helpful.

205. You don't have my experience or talent.

206. You got an idea for them, you run it past me first, got it?

207. You will be equipment manager, nothing more.

208. So whatever white savior movie

209. you've got playing in your head,

210. change the channel.

211. Fucking fat ass doctor coach.

212. Don't you ever walk into a man's crib like that.

213. Next time I might not—son.

214. Got the Beijing?

215. Yo, what the fuck is goin' on?

216. Yo, this nigga's cerebellum leaking.

217. Yeah. I know, man.

218. My bike broke. I had to run over here.

219. Boy, you trying to get that Tory Lanez.

220. Yo!

221. Yo, don't touch it— don't touch it, nah.

222. Yo, the group chat gotta see this.

223. This nigga in Black face.

224. Yo, son, why you ain't tell him you needed a cut?

225. I didn't know you cut hair.

226. I don't, but I could do better than this.

227. Goddamn.

228. Hold on. I got something for you.

229. Just— Where are you going?

230. Nowhere. - Man.

231. Yo, Kara Walker couldn't fix this shit.

232. Yo, you just gotta go bald, man.

233. You know who Kara Walker is?

234. Yeah. Why? You don't think I'm cultured?

235. No, I think you're very cultured.

236. It's just I paint, and, you know,

237. I'm trying to get my name out there like her.

238. Word?

239. I used to build little models of bridges and shit.

240. Yeah, that art world could be cold.

241. Here, man. I can't fix that shit.

242. Appreciate you.

243. - Oh, you got any benzos? Only Oxy right now.

244. You think I can get three, 30s?

245. Don't 90 give me three?

246. They do, but don't you owe me money?

247. Hey, what's wrong with you?

248. They not letting me dance in the game tomorrow

249. because of that fight I had with Dami.

250. - But you they best dancer. - I be knowing.

251. Yo, they gonna look so dumb without me!

252. Yo, tell your man to let her dance.

253. Dan? He don't have much pull there.

254. Dude basically a janitor with a whiteboard.

255. Fuck it, I'll deal with this shit myself.

256. Wait, hold on. Do you—you sure you wanna—

257. are you sure that's the best thing for her to dance?

258. What?

259. I'm just saying, like, do you want her thinking

260. she could get whatever she wants?

261. It might mess up the way she sees the world

262. when she grows up.

263. You know, like when I fucked up and spilled your shit,

264. you instantly taught me a lesson about consequences.

265. You can't just do things and it's—

266. and there's not gonna be any repercussions.

267. You made me a better man.

268. You know, and if you get involved,

269. then she might not ever learn that lesson.

270. Fuck, man.

271. Yo?

272. I talked to coach Bowser today.

273. Word. It went well?

274. No, it was terrible.

275. When have I convinced anyone of anything?

276. I just say words and nobody listens.

277. You got that boy to give himself head in middle school.

278. That started as a joke, but we made history that day.

279. That was fun.

280. You still gonna try to take Coach's job?

281. Yeah, because you were right.

282. I can't let him win. I can't be an underling.

283. I don't care if Jess thinks we should keep our relationship

284. professional—like I will coach this team.

285. I said that?

286. That was the emotional core of it, I felt like.

287. Is that for the tall boy?

288. Oz, yeah, he's the stick figure in every play.

289. If we spread the floor, we got the shooters

290. outside the three-point line, four out and one in.

291. That way he doesn't have to do anything

292. except be big near the basket.

293. Smart.

294. Unless they go zone

295. 'cause that boy look like garbage.

296. Oh yeah, I forgot.

297. Oh shit. You're a legend.

298. Thank you.

299. Oh, this is Oxy?

300. That's okay.

301. You don't need no water?

302. What am I, a baby?

303. - Bro, you got a problem. Is that a new hat?

304. Uh, yeah, I just bought it.

305. Why'd you buy a hat that doesn't fit?

306. I thought my head was bigger.

307. You don't have rent money, but you have hat money?

308. Wait.

309. Where'd you get the Oxy?

310. Damn, you a detective now? Shit.

311. Drew.

312. Come on, Kev.

313. Bro, I was bringing him food anyway.

314. I figured I could help you with at same time.

315. So just do enough to not get killed.

316. The more involved with him we get, the more fucked we are.

317. Yeah.

318. He might ask you to get Zayna to dance at the game too.

319. How am I—what?

320. I have nothing to do with dance.

321. I know, that's what I've told him,

322. but he just slammed the door in my face, so...

323. This is what I'm talking about, Kev.

324. He's just gonna keep asking for more and more shit

325. - until its spirals. - Oh relax.

326. That's why I got you those meds to calm down.

327. Shit, we just got to medicate our way through this.

328. I might need to take some too

329. 'cause you've been using all my damn sketch pads.

330. I don't know what am I paint on.

331. Yeah, considered it rent.

332. It's not rent. It's sketchpad.

333. All right, well, I would like rent.

334. It's rent, not a sketchpad.

335. upbeat music

336. You think they'll be able to come back?

337. Oh, absolutely not.

338. But I'm not going to stop supportin' my boy.

339. What is he doing here?

340. - Pick your feet up.

341. What up, Drew?

342. Kareem, what up?

343. What up, man. What you doing here?

344. - Teaching her something. - What-what up, bro?

345. How y'all know each other?

346. My son is the coach, kinda.

347. Let's go, son! You got this!

348. They roommates. You know, small world.

349. How ya'll know each other?

350. Oh, I never told you the story

351. on how we were smashing the same chick?

352. Nah.

353. Here he go.

354. Me and Drew used to play for rival basketball teams.

355. And we was both smashing

356. this pretty, fine, young, chocolate thing.

357. Mm, and we had no idea until she came to the game

358. and started rooting for both of us.

359. - Damn. What y'all do? - I don't know what he did,

360. but I caught crabs.

361. Two times.

362. You know what? Gotta get my steps in.

363. That nigga crazy for real.

364. Yeah. Oh, here, bro.

365. - Thank you. Say less.

366. Mm-hmm.

367. - Do you mind if I sit here? Yeah, do you.

368. Good afternoon?

369. Oh my God, leave Dami's mom alone.

370. What? You can't say hi?

371. What is it now, eh? Leave me, I beg you, ha.

372. Dusty bitch.

373. What?

374. How come you came if she not dancing?

375. 'Cause she got to talking about how I should do this

376. and do that to get her to dance.

377. So I sat and thought about it.

378. She really did dig everything about her.

379. So I tell her, if you really care about your team

380. and you down for them,

381. you'll show up and support 'em with a smile on your face.

382. She, "Ah-ah-ah, that don't even make sense."

383. Yeah, you said that.

384. So I said, "Word? You know what makes sense?

385. There's always consequences for your actions."

386. So I dragged her out here to show her

387. what them consequences look like.

388. - Wow. What?

389. Nah, it's just kinda crazy how we co-parenting,

390. 'cause, like, I told you that—

391. Co-parenting...

392. Hey, let 'em see you work

393. Pop that, shake that, wiggle that, throw it back

394. Hey, let 'em see you work

395. Pop that, shake that, wiggle that, twerk that

396. Hey, let 'em see you work

397. Pop that, shake that, wiggle that, throw it back

398. Hey, let 'em see you work

399. Pop that, shake that, wiggle that, throw it back

400. No music!

401. No music!

402. That's my best friend!

403. You motherfuckers got the nerve to be down by 20 at the half!

404. But we can turn it around, I bet.

405. Against Brooklyn Theater Art School?

406. Hey, maybe y'all should break out into song.

407. At least you could beat them at something.

408. We'd probably lose against them singing,

409. but this game we could still win.

410. No wonder there's nobody in the stands.

411. If people want to watch a bunch of mediocre niggas ball,

412. they go watch the Knicks!

413. Coach? Coach?

414. Coach Bowser.

415. Dr. Bowser.

416. Oh, shit.

417. Okay, give him some air. Give him—okay, no one moved.

418. Attention all medics,

419. we have a 74-year-old male, shortness of breath collapsed.

420. Say something.

421. Hey guys, so Coach Bowser

422. had a little heart attack to his, um...

423. heart.

424. You know, some people's hearts are just too big.

425. Okay, look, Coach Bowser wasn't a perfect coach—

426. isn't a perfect coach. He is alive.

427. And you know,

428. he eats his weight in Caribbean food every week.

429. But to his credit, he always said—

430. says, as an alive man— let's just remember that—

431. he sees huge potential in you guys.

432. He sees fight in you.

433. So let's fight.

434. Let's attack the goddamn basket like Coach Bowser's heart

435. attacked the rest of his body.

436. So what? You're down by 20.

437. If we make seven stops and hit seven threes,

438. we'd be up by one.

439. See, don't think of it as a miracle.

440. We don't need a miracle.

441. Don't think of it like that.

442. Think of it as a lot of tiny little things

443. that could happen,

444. and we just have to line them all up.

445. - Okay?

446. - Yeah! You gonna win big?

447. Yeah!

448. You got to win for coach Bowser?

449. - No?

450. - You'll win for me? - What?

451. No. For ourselves.

452. Right, for yourselves. Yes, totally.

453. It's not about me. Yeah.

454. Okay, whatever your motivation,

455. you get out and win for that reason.

456. - [Oz] Come on!

457. You got it. You guys got it.

458. rousing music

459. Listen, you guys gave it your all,

460. and we didn't even officially lose until the game was over.

461. And even inside the losing,

462. there-there are little wins,

463. and inside those little wins, there are smaller lessons.

464. It's kind of like if you take a loss,

465. but you-you don't view it that way, you view—

466. Oh. Well, good game.

467. Good game.

468. I thought that was an okay speech.

469. Yeah.

470. Did Coach Bowser really say we have potential?

471. No, I-I don't think he knows your names.

472. Your man got killed.

473. Yeah, just like middle school.

474. You just drew that?

475. It dope.

476. Really dope.

477. Can I have it?

478. Yeah, for three racks.

479. He's a funny dude. Man, let me get that.

480. You owe me money for that food, Oz.

481. You took too many threes also. Told you to stop taking threes.

482. Drew, can I get the pad?

483. Bro, you killed it.

484. Bro, I tell you—what?

485. - Hey. - Hey, Jess.

486. So they said coach Bowser is—

487. Are you okay?

488. Yeah, yeah. What-what about Bowser?

489. His vital signs are okay. He just has to eat healthier.

490. So it looks like you're acting head coach

491. until Bowser's back on his feet.

492. Congrats.

493. Good job not yelling at them.

494. Upgrade from Bowser.

495. Yeah, thanks.

496. Let's go, Pigeons!

497. Let's go, Pigeons!

498. You good?

499. Bro, come on, man.

500. You'll started out down 20, and the coach died.

501. You did fine.

502. He's still alive.

503. For now, but you did it. You did it, man.

504. You know, you got the respect of the team,

505. and I seen you talking to old girl, so.

506. I don't know, even with her, it's like,

507. I don't know where we are right now.

508. She mad y'all lost?

509. I don't think she cares.

510. It's not like she could fuck you less, so.

511. What's up with Drew? Was he threatening you?

512. Nah, we were just chilling.

513. All right, well, don't hang with him.

514. He tried to kill you.

515. I think he cool off that now, actually.

516. He hasn't tried to kill you in two weeks, so he's cool?

517. Bro, I'm not about to be scared.

518. I'm not saying be scared, but there's a difference

519. between that and, like, seeking him out.

520. You think I'm seeking him out?

521. I think this is fun for you on some level,

522. like you're enjoying it,

523. like living on the edge or something,

524. but it puts both of us at risk.

525. So I'm just saying, like, be careful with it.

526. That's all I'm saying.

527. Bro, Kareem is the one that started talking to him,

528. and I just sat there because it wasn't nowhere else to sit.

529. We weren't hanging out.

530. It's not my fault that y'all got no fans

531. or seats or nothing, so.

532. Then why'd he have your new hat

533. if you weren't hanging out?

534. You know they make more than one Yankees hat.

535. Why are you being all shady about this, man?

536. I see what's happening. I get it.

537. What?

538. Them 30s got you tweaking.

539. What are you talking about?

540. Yeah, bro, just ride the wave.

541. - You safe. Okay, yeah.

542. It's all right. This is part of the process.

543. This is your first time doing the 30s, you know,

544. you graduated from— part of the journey.

545. - Yeah. - So just—

546. Where you at, son?

547. Can't get this fucking dad thing to stop.

548. Over here, Kareem!

549. Y'all feeling like dessert?

550. Come on, my treat.

551. I won a couple of dollars betting on that theater school.

552. Why would you bet against my team?

553. In this family, somebody gotta win.

554. Okay. Okay.

555. Who are betting with on high school basketball?

556. Ain't just basketball.

557. I got action on all kinds of school shit.

558. Us parents are bored.

559. I got a thousand-to-one odds on Fat Omar for Prom King.

560. I like that bet, actually. He's got a good personality.

561. Oh...

562. I'm raising you right.

563. Nola Darling's "STFU" playing

564. Shut the fuck up

565. Shut the fuck up

566. Shut the fuck up

567. Shut the fuck up

568. Who gon' check me, boo?

569. I'ma yell it from the rooftop

570. Pop off like a banshee getting banjee

571. Understand me, full stop, kick rocks

572. Jaq be nimble, kinda mental

573. Just a likkle, deadly with a giggle

574. I'ma wiggle past yellow tape

575. Ropes, protocol

576. From the window to the wall

577. Till I return my man's call

578. Tell all these dudes to pause

579. Harder they come, the harder they fall

580. You can't shut me up, no

581. You ain't gon' keep me quiet, no

582. You keep on talking tough, no

583. We gon' start the riot

584. You can't shut me up

585. You ain't gon' keep me quiet

586. You keep on talking