1. By Jove!
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2. It's warm tonight, isn't it, Fawlty?
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3. Certainly is, Major, yes.
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4. Very warm.
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5. Can I get you another one?
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6. What? Oh, well, why not, indeed?
What a very nice idea.
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7. Reminds me
of somebody machine-gunning a seal.
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8. - The heat?
- No, no. My wife's laugh.
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9. Ah, yes.
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10. Ah, good evening, Mrs Peignoir.
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11. Good evening.
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12. Thank you for your map. It was so useful.
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13. I must congratulate you.
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14. I had no idea how charming Torquay was.
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15. Enchanté.
May I ask, did you find anything of interest?
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16. Mmm. A few pieces I like very much.
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17. And one, oh, I had to have it.
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18. Formidable. I'm so pleased.
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19. May I introduce Major Gowen,
our longest-standing resident? Mrs Peignoir.
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20. - How do you do, Major?
- How do you do, madam?
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21. Mrs Peignoir's an antique dealer.
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22. She's down here for a few days,
sniffing around for dainty relics.
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23. Please don't alarm yourself,
it's only my wife laughing.
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24. I'm afraid her local
finishing school was bombed.
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25. Oh, dear!
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26. No, no, not really. Just a thought.
Well, now, what can I get you?
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27. - Do you have any Ricard?
- I'm sorry?
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28. Any Ricard?
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29. We're just out of it, I think.
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30. - Just a sherry, then.
- But of course.
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31. Tell me, are you,
by any chance, French at all?
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32. - Yes, I am.
- Good Lord!
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33. Enjoying yourself, dear?
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34. We, er...
We haven't put any nuts in the bowl, have we?
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35. I haven't. I don't know about you.
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36. - Well, I'll do it then, shall I?
- That would be the simplest solution, dear.
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37. Where's Manuel?
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38. We've given him the evening off, dear.
It's his birthday.
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39. I mean, how old is he? Two and a half?
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40. Excuse me, there are no nuts here, Sybil.
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41. No nuts!
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42. You'll find them in the kitchen. Ha!
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43. Oh, will I?
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44. If you can bear to tear yourself away
from Mrs Peignoir, you will. Do go on.
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45. In 1918, I think.
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46. Did you ever see that film,
How to Murder Your Wife?
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47. - How to Murder Your Wife?
- Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times.
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48. Very funny!
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49. - Are you all right, Mr Fawlty?
- What? Yes, thank you very much.
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50. You all right?
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51. - Yes.
- Good, good. We're all all right, then.
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52. - Must be the heat.
- Yes, and he's getting taller, isn't he?
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53. I don't think he's very well, dear.
I think we ought to take care of him.
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54. - Hello.
- Hello.
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55. I think I left it over here somewhere.
Hang on.
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56. Ah, here it is. See you tonight.
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57. Come on.
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58. Yes! A single for tonight, is it?
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59. - Mr Fawlty, may I introduce Richard Turner?
- I'm sorry?
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60. - He's a friend of mine.
- Oh, you know each other, do you?
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61. Just passing through, are you?
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62. There you go. See you tonight.
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63. We've opened a library, have we? How nice.
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64. Please don't leave on my
account, Mr Turnip.
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65. - I'm sorry, Mr Fawlty.
- Now look, Polly.
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66. We were just saying goodbye...
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67. I mean, what sort of place
do you think this is, a massage parlour?
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68. We are running a nice, respectable, high...
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69. - I'm sorry, did I say something funny?
- No, I was just looking for...
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70. No, no, obviously I said something
frightfully comic.
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71. No, it's just the heat.
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72. Well, so long as I amuse the staff.
I mean, that's all I'm here for.
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73. - I'll just take these in...
- One other thing, Polly.
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74. I'm afraid we've abandoned the idea
of the topless afternoon teas,
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75. so if you wouldn't mind changing before you
go in where people may be trying to eat.
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76. I was going to.
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77. Polly, would you come back here, please?
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78. I'm on form tonight. Yes, Mr Fawlty?
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79. I know these kind of drawings
are considered decent at art school.
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80. Would you please not leave them
lying around on display at the reception?
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81. - I'll put them away when I've got some clothes on.
- I mean, really!
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82. Hello, Fawlty Titties.
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83. Yes, yes. Oh, it's you, Audrey. Yes.
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84. Oh, he's left you again, has he? Oh, dear.
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85. Oh, dear. How sad. Hmm. Yes.
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86. Ah, good evening, Major.
Yes, I'll be with you in just one moment.
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87. Well, I'll get her to call.
Yes, well, keep your pecker up. Bye.
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88. Dreadful.
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89. Stop it, Alan.
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90. Ruff, ruff, ruff!
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91. - Hello. We've booked a room.
- Have you?
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92. - Yes, a double one. The name is...
- One moment, please.
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93. - That's a nice suit.
- What?
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94. Nothing.
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95. - I thought you said something.
- No.
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96. Are you all right?
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97. Yes, thank you.
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98. - Are we ready?
- I think we are, yes.
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99. - May I have your name, please?
- Yes, it's Bruce.
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100. - Mr and Mrs Bruce.
- That's right.
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101. - Is it a double bed?
- I beg your pardon?
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102. Has our room got a double bed?
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103. - A double bed?
- Yes.
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104. We've only got one double bed,
I mean, do you want that?
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105. Oh, very much, indeed. Yes.
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106. - Well, I'll have to put you in number 12, then.
- All right.
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107. I mean... Oh, never mind.
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108. Has it got a breeze?
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109. - Has it got a breeze?
- Well, is it airy?
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110. There's air in it. I mean, what the...
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111. - Oh, I think there's a letter for me.
- What?
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112. - There's a letter for me there.
- No, there isn't.
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113. Yes. Jean Wilson.
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114. - Jean Wilson, is this you?
- Mmm-hmm.
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115. Now, what's going on here?
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116. - Well, I can't give you a double room, then.
- Oh, look...
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117. It's against the law.
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118. - What law?
- The law of England. Nothing to do with me.
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119. - Nothing to do with you?
- Nothing at all.
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120. I can give you two singles,
if you like, but...
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121. - Shall we go somewhere else?
- Excuse me.
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122. There's my key.
And now, I'm off to paint the town red.
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123. Thank you so much.
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124. Well, er, perhaps I'll see
you later this evening?
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125. Yes, my wife and I will be up
till quite late tonight, thank you.
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126. I don't believe a word! Excuse me.
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127. We'll have two singles then,
if that's all right with the police.
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128. - Two singles, certainly. Now...
- Next to each other.
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129. Next to each other. Oh, dear, we can't do that.
What a shame.
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130. - Good evening.
- Good evening.
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131. - A double, is it?
- We'd like a double.
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132. Two singles, dear.
Not married. Now...
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133. - What?
- Nothing, dear. I'm dealing with it.
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134. Well, 17 and 18 are free.
You'd have to share a bath.
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135. No. Oh, Audrey called.
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136. I'll handle it.
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137. - George has left her again.
- Oh, no.
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138. Now, we've got one on the first floor,
one right up at the top.
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139. - Shall I deal with this, Basil?
- I'm dealing with it, dear.
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140. No, that's all right.
You wanted two singles?
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141. - I said I'd deal with it.
- Mind sharing a bathroom?
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142. - I was here first.
- It's my turn now, then.
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143. I fought in the Korean War, you know.
I killed four men.
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144. He was in the catering corps,
he used to poison them.
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145. Yes? Who is it?
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146. - Is Manuel.
- What do you want?
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147. - Can I go now?
- I thought you'd gone.
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148. - Qué?
- I thought you'd gone.
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149. - No, no, I turned it off.
- What?
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150. It was about so high.
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151. No, no. I said, I thought... A creduto...
It doesn't matter.
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152. - Qué?
- It doesn't matter.
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153. - Oh, you think I gone?
- Yes.
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154. - No, no, I go now.
- Wonderful.
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155. What? Is okay?
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156. - Is okay.
- Thank you.
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157. - Yes?
- Before I go...
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158. What is it?
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159. - Is my birthday.
- Yes, I know!
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160. - "I want to thank you for beautiful present."
- Oh yes. Fine.
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161. "And for your much kindness to me
since I come here."
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162. Not at all. My pleasure.
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163. "Since coming here from Spain,
leaving my mother..."
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164. - Outside.
- Qué?
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165. Outside. Thank you.
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166. "Since coming here from Spain,
leaving my five brothers and four sisters..."
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167. Give it to me. Thank you.
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168. - Can I have it, Basil?
- What, dear?
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169. - I want that key.
- I've only got the key to room 12, dear.
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170. - That's the one.
- Now look here, Sybil...
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171. Basil!
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172. If you were my size...
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173. "Since coming..."
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174. - Manuel.
- Sí, sí?
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175. Number 12, please.
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176. Basil!
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177. Jean!
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178. - Hello, Poll.
- What are you doing here?
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179. - Well, we couldn't get in at the Bellevue.
- Oh, no.
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180. - Hello, Alan.
- It'll be fun. My parents arrive tomorrow.
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181. What, here?
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182. - Well, I warned you.
- Yes, we've already met the famous Fawlty.
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183. Shh. I'm not supposed to hobnob.
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184. - Oh, I like your outfit.
- I'll give you the pattern.
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185. Are you going to be
at Fiona's wedding?
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186. I can't, but I'll be at the reception,
in my very own Jean Wilson creation.
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187. - I want you to try that on later.
- Okay.
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188. How's that gorgeous stepfather?
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189. I haven't seen him for a month.
He's been in Singapore.
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190. Oh, blast!
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191. I forgot to get those batteries
for my electric razor.
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192. Is there anywhere still open, Poll?
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193. - You might find a chemist's.
- I better have a look. Won't be long.
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194. - Is Richard coming tonight?
- We'll be along about 10:00.
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195. Great!
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196. Hello, again.
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197. Well, we managed to get it all sorted out
with your wife.
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198. I wouldn't know about that.
Is there something you want?
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199. Yes. I know it's a bit late,
but do you know if there's a chemist still open?
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200. I beg your pardon?
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201. Do you know if there's
a chemist still open?
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202. I suppose you think this is funny, do you?
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203. - Funny?
- Ha, ha, ha.
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204. No, no. I really want to know.
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205. Oh, do you? Well, I don't.
So far as I know, all the chemists are shut.
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206. You'll just have to wait
till tomorrow. Sorry.
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207. Bit of a blow, I imagine.
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208. - What?
- Nothing. You heard.
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209. Is that all?
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210. - Well...
- Yes?
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211. - I don't suppose you've got a couple...
- Now, look!
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212. Just don't push your luck!
I have a breaking point, you know.
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213. I only want some batteries.
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214. I don't believe it.
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215. - What?
- Batteries, eh?
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216. You know something? You disgust me.
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217. I know what people like you get up to,
and I think it's disgusting!
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218. What are you talking about?
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219. I want some batteries for my electric razor.
I want to shave!
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220. - Oh, yes?
- Yes! I haven't shaved today. Look, see?
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221. - Electric razor, huh?
- Right.
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222. Well, that's what I was referring to
when I said it was disgusting.
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223. It is, of course, disgusting that you
haven't shaved, but understandable.
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224. I mean, sometimes I don't shave either,
and that's disgusting, too.
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225. So I shall have a razor
sent up to your room straightaway.
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226. Thank you so much, good night.
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227. Hello?
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228. Audrey, any news?
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229. Oh, dear. He hasn't?
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230. Oh, I know.
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231. He doesn't deserve you, Audrey.
He really doesn't.
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232. Exactly. I know you have.
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233. I know. I know.
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234. - Oh, I know.
- Are you gonna go on like that all night?
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235. What was that, Audrey?
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236. Oh, I know.
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237. - I know.
- Well, why is she telling you, then?
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238. I understand, dear, I really do.
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239. I can't stand it anymore.
I'll go clean the roof or something.
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240. There's the front doorbell.
Somebody's got back late.
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241. Yes, yes.
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242. - I expect they forgot their passkey.
- I know.
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243. - Somebody better go and let them in.
- Yes.
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244. - I'll go then, shall I?
- Hmm.
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245. Yes, I agree. Right. I'll go, then.
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246. You know who that is, don't you?
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247. That's your pair, the Kama Sutra set.
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248. "Good evening, welcome to
Basil Fawlty Knocking Shops Limited."
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249. No, dear. It's only Basil.
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250. I'm coming, I'm coming.
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251. I mean, I suppose you know what time it is?
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252. Oh, Mr Fawlty, I'm so sorry.
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253. Oh, no. It's only a quarter past 11.
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254. I got you out of your bed.
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255. Not at all.
I had a few little jobs to do...
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256. Oh, you're so kind.
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257. - Oh, well...
- I had just a lovely evening.
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258. Did you? How very nice.
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259. I saw some friends I hadn't seen for years.
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260. I had a little bit too much to
drink, I'm afraid.
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261. What's life for if one can't get a bit...?
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262. - Blotto?
- Well, hardly blotto.
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263. Mr Fawlty, you're so charming.
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264. Well, one does one's best.
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265. I hope Mrs Fawlty
appreciates how lucky she is.
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266. I think probably not, in fact.
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267. Sorry, beg your pardon. Ah, there we are.
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268. Oh, sorry! Sorry! Ha, Ha! There you are.
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269. - Carry on.
- We're awfully sorry.
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270. No, it was quite extraordinary.
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271. The front doorbell went
just a moment or two ago,
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272. and I thought to myself,
"I expect that'll be Alan and..."
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273. So, down I go, and lo and behold,
it's not you at all. It's Mrs Peignoir.
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274. Have you met Alan and...
This is Mrs Peignoir.
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275. She's an antique dealer,
I mean, she deals in antiques.
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276. She's not frightfully old or anything.
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277. So, I let her in just ten secs ago, hardly five,
I mean, hardly time to say good evening,
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278. in she comes, drops her thing,
down I go, down she goes,
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279. and there you are, bless my soul.
Golly, is that the time?
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280. My goodness, I was thinking
it was a quarter past ten. My God!
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281. I'd better get to bed.
Can't stand around talking all night.
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282. Got to get an early night. Bye!
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283. Sorry!
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284. - Are you all right?
- Yes, I am.
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285. Good night. Bonne nuit.
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286. Jean, I'll just make that call.
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287. - Don't be too long.
- No.
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288. Well?
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289. - Hmm?
- Who was it?
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290. It was your pair.
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291. - Good night.
- Bonne nuit.
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292. Oh, and that woman...
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293. - Mrs Peignoir?
- Yes. Something like that.
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294. Dormez bien, Mr Fawlty.
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295. How's Audrey?
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296. - She's in a terrible state.
- Ah, good, good.
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297. There's someone at the door, Sybil!
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298. - Why are you shouting, Basil?
- Was I shouting? Sorry, Sybil.
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299. Well, I'd better go see who that is, Sybil.
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300. I expect it's some key
who forgot to get the guest for their door.
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301. Or something like that,
some innocent explanation.
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302. - Ha, are you ready, Sybil?
- I'm ready.
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303. Right. I'll just see who
that is then, Sybil.
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304. All right, Sybil?
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305. Hello?
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306. Hello?
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307. Olé!
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308. Oh, so sorry, Mr Fawlty. Poor Mr Fawlty.
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309. - Are you all right?
- No, I'm dying, but don't get out of bed.
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310. I hurt you, and you so wonderful to me.
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311. Give me such beautiful present. Thank you!
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312. You're drunk, Manuel!
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313. No, no. Is beautiful.
Is my first one. Thank you.
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314. Now listen...
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315. Oh, poor Mr Fawlty. So sorry.
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316. Please, Mr Fawlty, I love you, I love you!
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317. You're so kind to me, you're so good to me!
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318. - I love you!
- Basil, I'm trying to read in here.
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319. Since I come here from Spain,
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320. leaving my five mothers,
and four aunties with...
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321. Et maintenant, un peu de café?
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322. Ah, oui, s'il vous plaît. Café au lait.
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323. - Café what?
- Au lait.
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324. Ah, olé. Quite.
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325. There we are. Voilà sommes nous.
Café pour vous.
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326. "Vous"? Pas pour toi?
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327. - I'll probably have one later.
- Very funny.
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328. - Good, good.
- Oh, Mr Fawlty, I forget.
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329. The window in my bedroom, I can't open it.
Could you?
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330. Oh, certainly, I'll pop up and fix it.
Certainly.
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331. For you, and this one...
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332. Thank you so much.
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333. Manuel?
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334. Oh, is terrible!
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335. - Go to the kitchen, Manuel.
- I cannot.
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336. - Go to the kitchen immediately.
- No, no, no.
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337. - Come on, Manuel.
- No, no, please, I die here. Please.
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338. Sorry about this.
He's been working awfully hard recently.
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339. - Can I help?
- No, I can manage. Thank you, Polly.
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340. Come on.
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341. Oh, no, please.
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342. - He's at it again.
- It's disgusting.
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343. - I beg your pardon?
- Nothing.
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344. - I thought you said something.
- No, no. Carry on.
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345. Get on with your meals.
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346. Thank you, Mr Lloyd.
And this is just for tonight, isn't it?
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347. - That's right.
- Will you be taking lunch?
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348. We won't have time, I'm afraid.
We've got this wedding at half past two.
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349. I wonder, could I make a call?
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350. Please, use that phone.
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351. Would it be possible to have
some sandwiches sent up to the room?
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352. Certainly. Here's the key.
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353. - I'll have your bags brought up in a moment.
- Thank you.
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354. - Would you like coffee with the sandwiches?
- Yes, please.
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355. - Mum!
- Hello, darling.
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356. - Hello, Alan.
- Hello, Rachel.
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357. - Where's Phillip? Did he have a good trip?
- Marvellous, he's upstairs.
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358. Oh. Could I speak to Mrs Bryce, please?
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359. I'll see you in a moment.
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360. I'm just going to finish my breakfast.
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361. - There they are.
- Where's the key?
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362. - He's already taken it up, Basil.
- All right.
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363. Anne? It's Rachel Lloyd here.
How's everything?
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364. - I'm going to take your cases upstairs.
- Yes, I know.
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365. Darling, it's beautiful, thank you.
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366. Sybil, Sybil.
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367. - Ah, hello.
- Hello.
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368. - It's Mrs Lloyd, isn't it?
- That's right.
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369. - How do you do? Fawlty, Basil Fawlty.
- How do you do?
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370. - Pretty well, can't complain.
- Good.
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371. We had this door knocked through recently.
Made a rather good job of it, don't you think?
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372. Yes, yes. It's very nice.
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373. Marvellous. Changed our lives, really.
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374. Used to have to do the 100 yards
through there and back again,
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375. but now we can just sort of open it and...
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376. It isn't working as
well as it usually does.
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377. You can go right in. Just like that.
Marvellous, really.
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378. Rather simple, but effective.
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379. Would you like to have a
try, see the kitchen...?
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380. I'd love to one day, but I think just now,
I'd better get upstairs.
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381. So, I'll see you later.
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382. You all right?
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383. Bit of trouble with the old leg,
I'd better sit down here for a moment.
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384. Bit of shrapnel, Korean War.
Still in there.
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385. - Can't they get it out?
- No, too deep, too deep.
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386. - This is the kitchen, as you can see.
- What?
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387. The kitchen, yes.
We had it plastered about five years ago.
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388. We've got a few cracks up there now.
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389. Oh! Don't worry about him.
He's just having a lie down.
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390. He's Spanish. From Barcelona.
You know, sort of siesta. But he's fine.
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391. It was his birthday yesterday.
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392. Anyway, we've got a few cracks up there now,
but nothing serious.
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393. As I say, it's not the Sistine Chapel,
but we're very happy with it.
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394. - Are you sure he's all right?
- Oh, yes. Yes, he's fine. Yes.
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395. - But he's groaning.
- Is he? Is he?
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396. - Can't you hear him?
- So he is.
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397. Listen, I just remembered,
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398. I left your cases just outside your room
by mistake.
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399. Would you mind if I went up
and put them inside now?
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400. - Unless there's anything else...?
- Don't you think perhaps we should open...?
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401. No, no, no! Don't worry about that.
My wife will deal with that. Sybil!
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402. So, if you'd like to...
Come on! Come along.
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403. Come in.
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404. Your sandwiches, Mr Lloyd.
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405. - Polly!
- Hello.
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406. - How are you?
- Fantastic.
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407. - It's great to see you.
- You're still gorgeous.
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408. Dear, dear, dear.
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409. Is anything the matter?
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410. - Mrs Lloyd, could I have a word with you?
- You are.
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411. - Well, there's something that I need to explain.
- Well?
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412. - Could we go in there?
- Oh, really, is it absolutely necessary?
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413. I'm afraid it is.
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414. Thank you.
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415. Mrs Lloyd, I'm so sorry,
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416. but this is...
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417. - a much nicer room than the one we've given you.
- What?
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418. I'm sorry, I was just saying that this room
is so much nicer than yours,
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419. and I wanted to bring you in here now,
and show it to you and apologise,
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420. in case you found out about it later,
and got rather cross.
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421. Now the point is... What is...
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422. The point is, if it turns out
you don't like that room,
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423. then we can always move you in here,
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424. but I don't think it's worth doing
until you've definitely decided
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425. that you don't like that
one as much as this one,
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426. and then we could sort
of sit down around table,
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427. sort of discuss it,
kind of chew it over, and...
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428. And it'd be a piece of cake.
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429. Bob's your uncle. Okay?
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430. Fine.
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431. Oh, sorry. Sorry.
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432. Thank you.
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433. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much.
I wondered where you were, darling.
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434. Darling? Darling, are you all right?
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435. This room is exactly the same
as the one that he just...
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436. Oh, Jean, it's absolutely smashing!
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437. - A bit tight across the bust.
- Oh, I love it.
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438. Lower, lower.
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439. - Are you sure?
- Can I pick it up tonight?
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440. Lower, low... That's it, that's it.
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441. That is amazing! That is amazing!
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442. Hey, baby,
have you been taking lessons?
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443. So, I'll see you tonight, huh?
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444. For ten quid, that's absolutely fantastic.
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445. Oh.
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446. No, no, no. No, no, no.
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447. No!
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448. Polly, I want to see you at reception
in one minute in your hat and coat.
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449. I'm sorry?
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450. I want to see you at reception
in one minute in your hat and coat!
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451. - Will they fit you?
- No.
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452. What? You, you!
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453. - They're going.
- What?
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454. They're going.
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455. I'm sorry, but you'll have to go.
We've made a mistake, all these rooms are taken.
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456. She was sitting on him.
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457. Five minutes later, I found him lying
on the floor underneath the waiter.
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458. I'm sorry, but... Ah, there you are.
Got together, have you?
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459. Yes, yes. I might have guessed, mightn't I?
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460. Yes, I see. Of course, we're a bit
behind the times down here in Torquay.
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461. Well, I'm sorry, but you'll have to go.
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462. We made a mistake. All these rooms are taken.
I'm so sorry.
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463. Well, actually, I'm not sorry.
I mean, you come in here, just like that,
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464. and, well, to be perfectly blunt,
you have a very good time at our expense. Hmm?
Copy !req
465. I mean, I think you know what I mean. Hmm?
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466. I mean you have had
a very, very good time, haven't you?
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467. Well, not here you don't, oh, no!
Thank you, and good night!
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468. Well, that's taken care of that!
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469. Basil, what is going on?
Why did you tell Polly to get her hat and coat?
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470. Because she's going,
along with the Lloyds and that pair you let in.
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471. Never seen anything like
it in my life. My God!
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472. Basil, what are you on about?
Why are they leaving?
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473. I'll tell you exactly why they're leaving.
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474. First of all, I go up there and I find
that girl in his arms, in Lloyd's arms.
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475. - Five minutes later, Polly's in there.
- What girl?
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476. - That girl.
- She's his daughter.
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477. What?
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478. She's Mr Lloyd's stepdaughter.
They're all one family.
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479. What about Polly?
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480. She was at school with Jean.
She's known them all for years.
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481. - For years, huh?
- For years.
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482. What have I done?
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483. - What have you done?
- I told them to leave.
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484. - You've told them to leave?
- How was I supposed to know?
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485. Why didn't you tell me, you half-wit?
Why didn't they tell me?
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486. - You can't blame me for this!
- Go and tell them they can stay.
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487. - Why don't you go tell them?
- I didn't tell them to go.
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488. - Oh, no, I suppose it's all my fault, isn't it?
- Go and tell them. Now!
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489. - No, I won't.
- You will.
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490. - No, no, I won't.
- Oh, yes, you will.
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491. Oh, yes, I will! Right. That's right,
leave it to me, let me get you out of it.
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492. That's all I'm good for, isn't it?
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493. "Basil Fawlty Limited, other people's messes
cleared up by appointment to my wife, Sybil."
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494. I mean, what am I going to say?
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495. Tell them you made a mistake.
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496. Oh, brilliant! Brilliant.
Is that what made Britain great?
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497. I'm so sorry, I made a mistake.
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498. What have you got for brains? Sponge cake?
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499. Very nice, very nice.
Take them off, get back to work.
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500. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake.
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501. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake.
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502. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake.
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503. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,
but my wife has made a mistake.
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504. I don't know how she did it, but she did.
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505. She's made a complete pudding
of the whole thing, as usual.
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506. It'll be perfectly all right for you to stay,
I've sorted it all out.
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507. I'm frightfully sorry,
but you know what women are like.
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508. They've got one brain
between the lot of them,
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509. not all of them, but some of them have,
including my wife.
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510. So please, do stay, and see you all later on.
Thank you so much.
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511. I was just saying please do stay,
my wife made a most dreadful mistake.
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512. Yes, I think she probably did.
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513. - Evening, Fawlty.
- Evening, Major.
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514. - Papers arrived yet?
- Oh, yes.
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515. Sorry they're so late. Didn't get here till 5:00.
Have to have a word with them again.
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516. Where's your lady wife this evening?
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517. She's spending the night at Audrey's.
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518. George has walked out on her again,
so she's in the usual state.
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519. Still, it must have upset her a bit.
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520. Yes, but she makes
such a song and dance about it.
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521. - You don't like Audrey very much, do you?
- Dreadful woman, dreadful.
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522. I think it's very decent of your wife
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523. to go around there,
and to listen to all that rubbish.
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524. - Couldn't do without it, Major.
- She's a fine woman, Mrs Fawlty.
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525. No, no. I wouldn't say that.
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526. No, nor would I.
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527. - Good night, Fawlty.
- Good night, Major.
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528. - Ah, Mr Fawlty.
- Good evening. Sorry.
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529. No, no, don't switch it off. I love Chopin.
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530. Really? Ah, there's your key.
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531. - Ah, it's so romantic.
- Yes, exactly.
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532. - Are you romantic, Mr Fawlty?
- Good God, no.
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533. Well, I think you are.
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534. I think beneath that English exterior
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535. throbs a passion that would make
Lord Byron look like a tobacconist.
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536. No way. No, sorry.
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537. Oh, don't look so bashful.
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538. I won't try and sit on you again.
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539. And where is your charming
wife this evening?
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540. She's spending the night with a friend.
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541. A girl, a lady friend.
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542. - When the cat's away, eh?
- Oh, hardly. Too much to do.
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543. - Well, good night.
- Bonne nuit. Oh, Mr Fawlty?
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544. - Yes?
- Did you fix my window?
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545. - Oh. Damn.
- If you could, please? It's so hot tonight.
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546. Yes. Yes, okay. Right.
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547. - Here we are.
- You're so strong.
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548. Well, I'm sure you are, too,
if you put your mind to it.
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549. Your wife shouldn't leave
you with strange women.
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550. Well, I wouldn't call you that strange.
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551. - Mr Fawlty, you're so charming.
- Only a little.
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552. - Oh, well...
- Do you feel that breeze? Isn't it wonderful?
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553. - Yes, it's nice, isn't it?
- I shall sleep au naturel tonight.
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554. - Good idea, right.
- Only it's not so much fun on your own.
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555. Oh, well. One could always pretend.
Ooh! Twinge from the old leg.
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556. Better go and lie down. Good night.
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557. - Good night.
- Damn shrapnel.
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558. - Who is it?
- Mr Fawlty?
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559. - Hello.
- I'm so sorry, but I have to leave early tomorrow.
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560. - Could I have a call at 7:00, please?
- Marvellous. Is that all? Absolutely. 7:00.
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561. Please don't go yet.
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562. - I think you've forgotten something.
- Did I? Damn.
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563. Your recorder.
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564. Oh, thank you.
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565. - You left it in my room.
- Thank you so much.
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566. You left it in my room so you could
come and get it, didn't you?
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567. I'm not having you knocking on my door
in the middle of the night.
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568. - I should cocoa!
- You naughty man.
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569. - Good night.
- Good night.
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570. Look, go to your room.
I won't ask you again.
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571. - Open the door.
- Listen, I can't.
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572. My wife has just got back unexpectedly.
She's in the bathroom.
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573. What, dear?
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574. I think you'll find it on the second shelf,
Sybil darling.
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575. - Let me in, Basil.
- Look, you'll meet somebody else sooner or later.
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576. - Basil!
- Try to control yourself.
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577. - Where do you think you are, Paris?
- Let me in!
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578. Shut up, will you, you silly tart?
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579. Go away. My wife will hear us.
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580. This is your wife.
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581. Oh, what a terrible dream!
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582. - There's a burglar downstairs.
- George got back, did he?
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583. - There's a burglar downstairs!
- What?
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584. A burglar. Quick!
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585. Manuel?
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586. Good night.
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587. We've been to a wedding.
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