Fargo 5x6

1. You're gonna get in trouble, man.

2. Then move to France.

3. The French, buddy? No. You're, like...

4. The French would like me better than you.

5. Well, no, I-I don't think...

6. Now, I know there's at least one dancer in there

7. that's got a restraining order against you, Vivian.

8. Five hundred feet.

9. That's not— W— Y-You got old information, Sheriff.

10. Candy moved down to Sioux Falls last month

11. - to take care of her mother. - Oh, so now

12. you're keeping tabs on the poor girl, huh?

13. Judge won't gonna like that. Not at all.

14. You two kids get home safe, huh?

15. See you at the Elks on Thursday.

16. You got my check, right?

17. The re-election fund?

18. Had... had my girl

19. make it out personally last week.

20. What... what the fuck, Roy?

21. - Hm? - What...

22. You can't do this shit anymore, Roy.

23. I-I know the governor now.

24. See, now, what happens in moments of life and death

25. is that everything comes into focus.

26. Are you focused, Vivian?

27. Y-yeah, yeah.

28. You're not gonna sell your bank to that woman.

29. L-Lyon?

30. Th-Th-That's the one.

31. You're not gonna sell it, you're not gonna negotiate,

32. you're not even gonna return her calls.

33. W-Why?

34. Wait, wait, wait!

35. O-Okay.

36. Find some other way to get rich.

37. Foreclose on some homes,

38. sell raffle tickets. I don't care.

39. But that woman gets nothing.

40. We're clear?

41. Yeah.

42. Now why don't you do a little dance?

43. What?

44. I'm just kidding.

45. Nobody wants to see that.

46. We've been patient.

47. More than patient.

48. But if we can't settle this thing today,

49. my next call is to our litigation department.

50. Thank you, and please make sure to give this call

51. five stars on the next survey.

52. Looks like you found the cereal.

53. Frosted Flakes.

54. Your kid likes 'em?

55. Well, kinda.

56. My husband. He can't get enough.

57. Are you taking me to school?

58. No school today.

59. Is it a holiday?

60. In a way.

61. But I got to go to work, so...

62. Slept in the garage again?

63. You don't have to open the door.

64. School bus saw me in my drawers.

65. Plus, it's freezing out.

66. Scotty, hon, could you

67. take your book to the living room, please?

68. Want me to clear my bowl?

69. Please.

70. I need you to watch her today. It's just for a few hours.

71. - I want a wife. - Maybe you could take her to the park or what—

72. Wait, what did you say?

73. I said I want a wife.

74. I am your wife.

75. No.

76. A wife.

77. Someone to keep the house clean and-and cook.

78. I cook.

79. Who cooks good, you know?

80. Takes care of me when I'm sick and doesn't complain about it.

81. Who wants to know how my day was first

82. and listens to the answer.

83. A woman who supports me.

84. Oh...

85. I support you.

86. No, emotionally, I'm saying.

87. A wife who...

88. who builds my confidence,

89. who everything revolves around... me.

90. Not... And I know-I know what you do

91. is important, I do, but...

92. I'm important, too, you know?

93. My needs, so I can grow

94. and be the best.

95. Okay?

96. A cheerleader, is what I'm...

97. You know, a wife who comes to the club

98. for the socials and doesn't

99. talk about what's a felony or what's a misdemeanor,

100. but trades recipes,

101. right? With the other wives.

102. Who claps when I win

103. and rubs my back when I don't,

104. and says, "You'll get 'em next time

105. because you are amazing."

106. Is that all?

107. No.

108. I want a wife who takes care of my other needs—

109. my man needs—

110. when I feel like it,

111. and doesn't say she's tired or that her back hurts

112. or to pull out when I finish

113. 'cause she's not on the pill.

114. Which— I want a wife who's on the pill.

115. I can't take the pill.

116. I get blood clots.

117. Well, an IUD then.

118. Okay, look, look. the-the point is I am tired

119. of feeling like I got to be everything around here

120. all the time.

121. The man and the wife.

122. Like, I got to support you all the time, your needs,

123. 'cause your job is hard and you're always saying

124. you have to pick up extra shifts.

125. We are $192,000

126. in debt.

127. And that.

128. A wife who is not

129. reminding me all the time about negative...

130. negativity, you know?

131. Pressure, when I-I need to stay positive,

132. 'cause it's a mental game, right?

133. How far you hit a drive, whether you're in the sand trap,

134. and you just...

135. suck. You suck at that.

136. So I want a wife.

137. I'm late for work.

138. We can talk about

139. who really needs a wife later.

140. Scotty, hon. I got to go out.

141. I'll be back as soon as I can.

142. Okay, then.

143. What am I supposed to do with her?

144. I got physical therapy

145. and I'm supposed to walk the green at 2:00, my guru says,

146. so I can play it with my eyes shut.

147. You're a big boy. Figure it out.

148. Please, ple—

149. Say it.

150. I'm gonna call Dot and tell her to come.

151. Who the fuck is Dot?

152. Listen, wait, wait! Listen.

153. Listen.

154. I got cancer.

155. I need an operation.

156. You got the wrong guy.

157. You got...

158. Fuck.

159. Fuck you, you fucking piece of shit.

160. Fuck you!

161. on my phone call, but they never thought I'd release it,

162. so they were gonna be okay.

163. Eight times, quid pro quo.

164. Except it was no times.

165. Mm. They are doing it for real this time.

166. Jackals.

167. Impeaching that great man.

168. Now, not too short above the ears.

169. I got the debate coming up.

170. Gets my goat,

171. they're hounding that poor man day and night.

172. The twins think so, too.

173. We want to watch cartoons.

174. Hey.

175. Don't talk back to your mother.

176. Down at Wayne Lyon Kia,

177. we got the lowest prices in town,

178. and I ain't lyin'.

179. Hi, I'm Wayne Lyon at Lyon Motors.

180. And I want to get you behind the wheel of a new...

181. Aah!

182. - Oh, Roy. Honey... - Shit, woman.

183. I am so sorry.

184. - God. - I don't know what happened.

185. Hold on, let me just...

186. These are my mother's napkins.

187. What happened, Karen, is you got

188. all caught up in things that don't concern you

189. and you lost sight of the job at hand.

190. - You're right. - Now, it's 10:00 in the morning.

191. I think these girls have something better to do

192. than sit here, watch TV like a couple of welfare queens.

193. Girls, come on.

194. Come on, your daddy's right.

195. It's time to get to your lessons.

196. Ah, dang it.

197. Thought you were that crazy Swede for a second.

198. On account of he's missing half an ear.

199. Very funny.

200. Got Nadine's husband in the box when you're ready.

201. I'm Nadine's husband.

202. Sure. Uh...

203. uh, what I meant was, uh,

204. the car salesman's in the abattoir, ready to talk.

205. Did you soften him up a little bit?

206. Oh, he's still got all his teeth,

207. if that's what you're asking,

208. but only 'cause they're in there pretty good.

209. Crying like a little girl?

210. He's pissed, I'll tell you that.

211. Called me a few names I ain't heard since grade school.

212. Swears we got the wrong guy, which is, like,

213. nice try, asshole.

214. Thought you said he was soft.

215. Well, he had a pretty good shock

216. at the house, you know.

217. Finger in the old light socket.

218. Sometimes that scrambles the brain.

219. You hear those stories, right?

220. "My husband ain't the man I married

221. since the lightning struck."

222. What?

223. We've been wearing kerchiefs on our faces

224. so he don't recognize us later.

225. don't you understand? I don't know

226. what the fuck you're talking about.

227. Oh, who's this, then?

228. Oh, king of the idiot brigade, eh?

229. Let me tell you

230. what I told these other two morons.

231. You kidnapped the wrong chump. I got friends in high places,

232. and when they get through with you,

233. you're gonna wish you were the horse at a glue factory,

234. you...

235. Jesus!

236. What the hot fuck, Dad?

237. I thought this one was supposed to stay in the car.

238. Yeah.

239. So you're a leptard, too.

240. How are we supposed to get her back now?

241. - You killed our leverage. - That's not him, genius.

242. You grabbed the wrong patsy.

243. What? No.

244. I was in the car.

245. That's his fuck up.

246. He was in the room, this guy.

247. Name was on the door.

248. - Don't know what else I could've done. - See?

249. I thought you said you saw the car salesman

250. - in his house on Halloween. - Yeah.

251. Said you got a good look at him.

252. It was dark, okay?

253. And on fire, and... I...

254. He grabbed him.

255. Said we got the guy. It's the...

256. What do you... Power of suggestion.

257. So what do we do now?

258. Son, you got a bad-luck problem.

259. Somewhere out there, there's an upside down horseshoe

260. with your name on it.

261. I'm just off my game is all.

262. You know I'm a winner.

263. All-state quarterback, crack shot,

264. knocking all the pins down with my eyes closed.

265. That's your boy,

266. not this puke pile.

267. All right, I think I know where you got

268. that thorn in your paw. Get the car.

269. Where we going?

270. To pay the boogeyman.

271. And you're saying that the patient had a sur—

272. Mr. Seymour.

273. You're saying he had surgery scheduled this morning,

274. but he checked himself out.

275. No, they took him.

276. Who?

277. Two men. They said they were family.

278. That happens, right?

279. Patient gets cold feet.

280. Yeah, except his wife is hysterical

281. and nobody's seen him since.

282. And on the same day, those two FBI fellas showed up.

283. - FBI? - Oh, yeah. They were looking for that

284. mental patient female, the runaway.

285. They're down in the cafeteria right now, talking to Mr. Lyon.

286. Well, like I said,

287. we just want to talk to your wife,

288. make sure she's okay.

289. Are you gentlemen quite certain

290. I can't offer you a gimlet?

291. Uh, no, thanks.

292. She gave us the slip,

293. but we think she's running from someone else.

294. I'm sorry, I had a...

295. I'm-I'm a little sideways, still.

296. I...

297. Faulty wiring.

298. I-I think my house burned down.

299. And we have questions about that.

300. The night in question. What you remember.

301. Neighbors said they saw a couple of trick-or-treaters

302. fleeing the premises after the flames started.

303. That...

304. Fleeing? I-I don't...

305. You ever see that movie, The, um...

306. Nightmare Before Christmas?

307. That-that's a weird movie.

308. I want to say I-I dreamed it, but in...

309. real life.

310. Well, sir, there's no easy way to say this.

311. Um...

312. Your wife isn't who she says she is.

313. Dorothy Lyon— uh,

314. that's what we call an alias in our line of work.

315. A cover story.

316. Her real name is Nadine Bump.

317. - Nadine? - When he was a boy,

318. my son wanted to be a ballerina.

319. I told him...

320. the male of the species

321. is called a "ballerino,"

322. but he couldn't be swayed.

323. What do you mean she's not my wife?

324. Uh, no, no.

325. - She's your wife. - But also, she isn't.

326. - I'm sorry? - See, she was

327. married previously.

328. Still married, some would say. Under the law.

329. To a-another man. A bad man.

330. So she ran away from him.

331. And found her way to you.

332. Posing as Dorothy.

333. Posing?

334. It's a classic scam.

335. You find a gravestone in a cemetery,

336. somebody who died young and you take over their identity,

337. uh, Social Security number, etcetera.

338. We think this fella—

339. the original, maybe also simultaneous husband—

340. found her and came after her.

341. Your wife.

342. That he took her that first night last week.

343. Okay? And then, when she escaped,

344. he came back for her on Halloween,

345. maybe burning your house down in the process.

346. And now she's fled.

347. So, we're hoping you might have some insight

348. - as to possible destination. - Excuse me.

349. Indira Olmstead, Scandia PD.

350. You've probably got a dozen messages for me on your machine.

351. We're right in the middle of an interview, officer.

352. On my case.

353. And believe me, you're gonna want to hear

354. what I've got to say on the matter.

355. Have-have you seen my wife?

356. She was supposed to visit me today.

357. No, sir.

358. But I'm sure she's fine.

359. And your daughter.

360. My Scotty plays the drums.

361. Rommel used the sound of drums

362. to drive his enemy mad.

363. We're done here.

364. Mr. Lyon, Mr. Lyon.

365. Uh, we'll-we'll circle back.

366. - Officer. - Thank you so much.

367. Okay.

368. Ballerino.

369. Hyah!

370. Dad, come on. You're not paying this guy.

371. Fine. We're upside down. And...

372. maybe it's voodoo or whatever, but...

373. solve it with a bullet, not...

374. Otherwise, what?

375. We trust this guy?

376. "Here's your money, please lift the curse"?

377. I don't think so.

378. We tried killing him.

379. Now we're bailing water out of a sinking boat.

380. Election's a week away and we're still

381. balls-deep on righting old wrongs with Nadine,

382. our dicks in the breeze.

383. We need to take luck out of the equation.

384. Period. End of story.

385. Go on, search him, then wait in the car.

386. Come on, come on.

387. Let's go.

388. Let me see your hands.

389. It's not a win.

390. We're calling a draw.

391. So don't get cocky.

392. I'm in the market for a bull.

393. There's a science to it, they tell me,

394. but I prefer to go on instinct.

395. Worked for my father and his father before him.

396. We have business.

397. Christ, look at the cock on that monster.

398. Meat is meat.

399. You don't talk much. I like that.

400. A man has only so many words in his lifetime.

401. For us,

402. there are very few left.

403. Plus interest, 'cause we got sideways.

404. Now, I didn't make your deal

405. but if I had I would've been clear.

406. That woman's like a tick.

407. Can't crush her, can't pull her out clean.

408. Suffocation is the key.

409. Or fire.

410. If I had a nickel for every time she found the daylight

411. when I thought I had her buried...

412. Never had a problem before

413. or since, breaking a woman, but that one,

414. she's... What'd you call her?

415. A tiger.

416. Right.

417. You think you're hunting her but all the while

418. you're just a mouse and she's playing with her supper.

419. Probably ought to let her be, but...

420. When a man digs a grave,

421. he has to fill it.

422. Otherwise, it's just a hole.

423. Happy now, shitbird?

424. You got your money?

425. People are dead. Good men.

426. And you're still wandering the earth,

427. breathing the air they should be breathing.

428. A boy complains

429. because he thinks the world is unfair.

430. He cries to his mother

431. when the toy breaks or the knee is skinned.

432. Fuck that. You're the one who's gonna be crying.

433. A man knows better.

434. The things that happen happen.

435. Who lives, who dies.

436. You don't yell at the boulder for being a rock.

437. You want the last word? Here it is.

438. I'll see you soon, asshole.

439. His name is Roy Tillman.

440. He's the sheriff of Stark County, North Dakota.

441. Dorothy Lyon was his wife.

442. She disappeared 11 years ago.

443. Until now, it was presumed dead.

444. I saw him.

445. Yesterday.

446. At the Lyon Estate.

447. What was he doing there?

448. Looking for his wife, I'm guessing.

449. He's a real "I am the law" type,

450. - her husband. - Except his version of the law is spending

451. a million dollars on tactical gear

452. and weapons on the taxpayer's dollar,

453. and then gifting them to a right-wing militia.

454. Run by Roy's father-in-law.

455. Current father-in-law.

456. But how's Dorothy gonna help you with that?

457. She hasn't been Mrs. Tillman in ten years.

458. He runs a tight ship, the sheriff.

459. Nobody talks.

460. People disappear. Nadine...

461. - Mrs. Lyon. - She knows all the players,

462. maybe even where the bodies are buried.

463. We use her to flip them.

464. The son or the ranch foreman.

465. Do you know where she is?

466. I do not.

467. What about the abuse?

468. The fact that he used to beat her?

469. Or the current crimes, kidnapping attempts?

470. Conspiracy to kill a North Dakota state trooper.

471. Or, I mean, this bystander they grabbed up yesterday.

472. Probably took him back to the ranch,

473. thinking he's Wayne.

474. I say that we

475. get a warrant and go there today. Now.

476. God knows what they're gonna do with him

477. when they realize he's a fake.

478. And if he's not there?

479. Then we showed our hand, he closes ranks, Mister...

480. Seymour.

481. Ends up thrown off a cliff somewhere in Wyoming,

482. never to be seen again.

483. Yeah.

484. If you see her.

485. I'll call.

486. That's how this works, right?

487. You help me. I help you.

488. And we all help Dorothy.

489. You know... the victim.

490. Shit.

491. I'm bored.

492. Uh-huh.

493. Whose are these?

494. Don't touch that.

495. How come?

496. It's not a toy. It's a tool.

497. Then why do they say "play the drums"?

498. Okay, I got to go out,

499. see my physical therapist.

500. What about dinner?

501. Um, she'll bring you something.

502. Probably.

503. Okay.

504. Don't burn the house down.

505. Problem, maybe.

506. Vivian or his man won't take my call.

507. Out of the office, his girl said. Unreachable.

508. Unreachable?

509. Indefinitely unreachable.

510. What are they up to?

511. Uh, holding our feet to the fire, maybe.

512. Playing hard to get. Uh...

513. and then...

514. there's this.

515. What's that?

516. Uh, it's a... it's a dress shirt, I think.

517. It's pink.

518. Uh, someone dropped this off for you at reception.

519. - For me? - Yeah.

520. It's monogrammed.

521. So it is.

522. V.D.

523. Oh, and you got this note.

524. - Security saw this? - Yeah.

525. They got a handwriting guy working on it, they said.

526. Seeing if they can trace the author.

527. What's it mean, you think—

528. "Not on my watch"?

529. And what's with the silver star?

530. Means the deal's off.

531. Thanks to Dorothy's husband.

532. - Wayne? - No.

533. Idiot.

534. The first husband. The sheriff.

535. I didn't give him what he wanted, so...

536. this is tit for that.

537. Look who's up and around.

538. Oh, not now.

539. Oh, Mrs. Lyon.

540. Hey there, slugger.

541. How are you feeling?

542. - Confused. - I thought

543. - you were taking him to the house. - Yes, ma'am,

544. but he wanted to see you.

545. I want to go home.

546. My home.

547. Sorry.

548. Your wife burned the house down.

549. I told him, but he keeps asking for her.

550. Mrs. Lyon.

551. The other.

552. Mm.

553. She...

554. she went out of town for a few days.

555. Sightseeing.

556. And took Scotty with her.

557. They said you're supposed to rest.

558. So, Jerome's gonna take you home.

559. We made up your old room, we got out all your stuffies.

560. I'll be home later, and we can visit.

561. Chef's making boeuf bourguignon

562. with those-those little onions you like.

563. M... M-Mom, I wa... I w...

564. Get Vivian's cell phone number,

565. I don't care how.

566. And then gas up the Porsche.

567. Where am I going?

568. To steal an election.

569. Look at you.

570. This is a nice kit.

571. Well, it ought to be.

572. Cost enough.

573. Yeah, that was his last dream,

574. Mr. Pie in the Sky.

575. How was your day?

576. Super boring.

577. Where's Lars?

578. He left.

579. He...

580. Physical therapy or something.

581. But that was, like, an hour ago.

582. Did you bring dinner?

583. What was the last thing you ate?

584. I had some crackers before.

585. Like, at lunch.

586. Okay, then.

587. Let's get your stuff.

588. Where are we going?

589. To Grandma's.

590. Yeah, you'll be safe here.

591. All right,

592. let them have it, boys.

593. Nein! Ich bin ein Amrikaner.

594. No, they're not! Fire!

595. Aah!

596. Look who I found.

597. Go ahead.

598. Daddy!

599. Scotty.

600. Hey.

601. - I love you. - I missed you so much.

602. Oh, Scotty.

603. Guess what, yesterday I got...

604. Yeah.

605. - Oh, yeah? - Your hand looks better.

606. What, did her mother have her

607. turning tricks outside the Save Mart?

608. I'm sorry?

609. Don't do that. Women who apologize

610. for things that aren't their fault

611. might as well have "welcome mat" written on their faces.

612. Now you tell me.

613. What's that?

614. That's the history of your daughter-in-law,

615. written in punches and chokeholds.

616. Well, I'm sure I don't need to see that.

617. People who claim to be victims

618. are the downfall of this country.

619. Mrs. Lyon, have you ever in your life

620. heard your daughter-in-law say

621. that she was a victim? Of anything?

622. You may not like it, but sometimes

623. crimes are committed against people.

624. They're victimized. And it's not their fault.

625. I told him not to marry her.

626. This whole sordid mess.

627. You're saying if a woman is abused

628. and she manages to escape,

629. she should move to the woods, live in a tree,

630. free from the burdens of basic human contact?

631. God forbid she gets a fresh start,

632. a good man to wash out the taste of the bad.

633. I don't like your tone.

634. Tough shit.

635. Some of us work for a living and go home to empty houses

636. or-or houses that should be empty but are instead filled

637. with the dirty underpants of our man-child spouses.

638. Your problem is you think that you're rich

639. cause you're better than me.

640. Oh, please.

641. We're the same.

642. Up before dawn, making our mark on the world.

643. - But you know who you're really in sync with? - Hm?

644. Dorothy.

645. Yeah.

646. I know you don't want to see it,

647. but let me tell you what I see.

648. I see a woman who outsmarted two kidnappers,

649. killed one of them and nearly killed the other

650. and who probably saved your son and granddaughter's lives

651. when they came at her again at the house.

652. I see a woman who doesn't quit, no matter what.

653. Who won't be silenced.

654. And, unlike you,

655. who never complains.

656. Even when her mother-in-law has her committed

657. to a mental hospital.

658. So I brought you her file

659. so at least you could be an educated asshole.

660. Come work for me.

661. What?

662. You saw the security team.

663. All those dicks.

664. Think about how that looks for a woman in my position.

665. Come be window dressing— that's the offer?

666. No, no. Come run the security team,

667. be their boss.

668. I know you need the money.

669. I can help with your debt, consolidate it,

670. set up a payment schedule,

671. get the jackals off your back.

672. Name your price.

673. That's...

674. I've got a job.

675. Cleaning vomit out of the back of a squad car.

676. And look what they make you wear.

677. I'm talking about a white collar job,

678. a white collar salary with benefits,

679. running a team of agents, traveling the world.

680. I mean, you can't-you can't seriously turn that down.

681. Otherwise, you and I are nothing alike.

682. It's kind of you.

683. No, it's not.

684. It's smart.

685. Take the job.

686. I...

687. I-I've got to think about it,

688. - if that's... - Don't ask for permission.

689. Right.

690. I'm gonna think about it.

691. And in the meantime,

692. think about what I said.

693. About Dorothy.

694. She's out there somewhere.

695. And she's not asking for help.

696. But she needs it.

697. You've got 24 hours.

698. Or the opportunity disappears.

699. That's how the world works.

700. This brief window.

701. Thank you.

702. Aw, bet you didn't think you were gonna say that

703. and mean it when you walked in here.

704. Mr. Dugger.

705. - I have a call for you. - What?

706. Thank you. Thanks.

707. Danish Graves, Redemption Services,

708. in case you forgot.

709. And I have Mrs. Lyon on the phone.

710. For you.

711. What?

712. Hello?

713. Are your balls in your belly,

714. looking for a safe place to hide?

715. Good.

716. Listen to me.

717. I'm pulling the offer.

718. That $100 million

719. is going to Mesa Prudential

720. out in Flagstaff.

721. What you get instead is the full might

722. of the federal government

723. reading the shit stains in your underwear

724. like tea leaves.

725. Mrs. Lyon...

726. Quiet.

727. A grown-up is talking.

728. I called the SEC chairman personally.

729. And as we speak,

730. two dozen federal agents

731. are in your office, seizing your books.

732. They've also frozen every personal

733. and business bank account you've got.

734. So...

735. I hope you didn't give all your walking-around money

736. to that stripper.

737. Oh. Plus, I-I hear

738. your son is starting his freshman year

739. at, um, Notre Dame?

740. Except, whoops.

741. You're late on tuition.

742. So, hmm.

743. Oh, that ring you hear—

744. that's your son on the other line

745. calling to tell you he's been expelled.

746. Mrs. Lyon, please.

747. Oh, "please."

748. That's your secret weapon?

749. Do you want to know what your mistake was?

750. It was thinking death is the worst thing

751. that could happen to you.

752. So, congratulations.

753. The sheriff's not gonna kill you.

754. Instead you're going to live the rest of your days

755. in squalor,

756. surrounded by the dead-eyed stares

757. of your futureless children.

758. Have a nice night.

759. Now I get it.