Fargo 5x5

1. Your son had a serious electrical event.

2. He's had some...

3. neurological complications.

4. We'd like to keep him here for a few days, run some tests.

5. I want a moment alone

6. with my husband.

7. Why, so you can get your stories straight?

8. Get out.

9. Listen, bitch.

10. I've climbed through six kinds of hell to get where I am,

11. and no Ivy League royal wannabe

12. is gonna run me off just because

13. she doesn't like the way I smell.

14. What about Dorothy?

15. She's a wolf in sheep's clothing,

16. that one. We keep her close for now.

17. The tiger, spelled T-I-G-E-R,

18. is one of the fiercest hunters on Earth.

19. - I have to run into the city. - Oh.

20. It's in place?

21. - What we discussed? - It is.

22. But I feel I must reiterate—

23. Yes, yes, you went on at length last night.

24. It's funny how one's tireless moralizing

25. can become so tiring.

26. You have power of attorney, don't you?

27. In cases where both she and her husband are incapacitated.

28. Well, there you go.

29. Known for its cunning

30. and strategic mind,

31. the tiger is most dangerous

32. when cornered.

33. Dorothy.

34. Dorothy.

35. What time is it?

36. Just past 11:00.

37. - Mm. - These men

38. would like to talk to you.

39. What?

40. Relax, Dorothy.

41. We just want to talk to you.

42. It's for your own good, Dorothy.

43. It's for your protection.

44. We're very concerned...

45. No!

46. The last few days, with all the upset, and...

47. Mrs. Lyon, Lorraine...

48. Liars. No.

49. Hmm. No!

50. I don't agree to this.

51. she feels— and I agree—

52. you've been having some kind

53. of psychotic...

54. Oh, okay, well, maybe that's too strong a word.

55. You're fired.

56. We're worried that you've become a danger

57. to yourself or others.

58. You're the danger.

59. My lawyer?

60. My A-S-S.

61. If you take me,

62. I'm gonna try and blind you boys, break your fingers,

63. bite off both your noses.

64. Dorothy.

65. Ah-ah. Maybe you heard the story

66. where I burned a fella alive,

67. chopped the other one's ear off

68. when they came for me.

69. I'm not saying that's true...

70. but if you try to force me against my will...

71. you're gonna find out.

72. I told you.

73. Shoot.

74. It's done.

75. Okay.

76. Well, here we go. Home away from home.

77. - I'm feeling much better now. - Oh, good.

78. - I mean it. - Oh, well, uh...

79. good.

80. I just think,

81. to go to all this trouble,

82. so much fuss,

83. when all I need is a bath

84. and, you know, Calgon, take me away.

85. Yeah. Okay.

86. And you're so busy.

87. - I hate to keep you. - Dorothy.

88. No.

89. And I am so sorry for biting you boys.

90. Though it may look like the tiger has given up,

91. this is, in fact, a ruse.

92. Look closer.

93. Even now, she plans an escape.

94. What a day.

95. I'm sorry. I mean it.

96. Geez, I must look a fright.

97. Mascara down my face, my nose running.

98. I'm so embarrassed.

99. You wouldn't have a hanky, would you?

100. Yeah, I—

101. Here we are.

102. I'm so glad we could do this.

103. The numbers look good. Rupert ran them yesterday.

104. Yeah, pretty sweet.

105. Says he's been talking things through with your Mr. Graves.

106. Thought he'd be here.

107. Well, he's not. You get the headliner.

108. Rupert says he likes him.

109. - Straight shooter. - Says he trusts him.

110. I'm so glad.

111. Thought we'd see him today.

112. Let me guess,

113. the last time you negotiated with a woman

114. was over the price of a Tijuana blowjob.

115. How much to...

116. stick it in your asshole, that kind of thing.

117. I'll have the Cobb salad, no cheese,

118. and I'm guessing

119. burger and fries for these boys.

120. And bring us a bottle of the Caymus,

121. the '92, not the '93.

122. Goodbye.

123. Now, Miss—

124. Mrs. Lorraine Lyon.

125. CEO of Redemption Services,

126. a Nasdaq-listed,

127. multibillion dollar corporation.

128. Mrs. Lyon has six governors

129. on speed dial and her own personal

130. liaison at the Federal Trade Commission.

131. Nice to meet you.

132. Are we friends yet? Good.

133. I want to buy your bank,

134. but, more important, you need to sell your bank

135. because I looked at your numbers,

136. and you don't have enough cash on hand to satisfy current

137. U.S. banking regulations, which...

138. one phone call from me,

139. and you will have so many SEC agents up your keister,

140. you'll be shitting briefcases for the rest of your life.

141. Now hold on just a second, lady.

142. Do you see?

143. Right there.

144. I'm going to knock 10 million

145. off my offer because you called me "lady."

146. We just—

147. Pipe down, pony boy.

148. I'll tell you when it's your turn to talk.

149. I'm willing

150. to buy your shady

151. five-gallon bank...

152. because I'm in the debt business,

153. and I want to get into the credit business.

154. Everyone loves a lender,

155. not so much the repo man,

156. but I need to test the waters,

157. make sure the government'll let me do both,

158. so I'm starting small,

159. with you.

160. And I'm willing to pay a premium

161. to get this done quickly,

162. but if you hate women

163. more than you love money,

164. I'll just take my millions elsewhere.

165. Enjoy the wine.

166. I expect your answer by end of business today.

167. Hey.

168. Hear it's supposed to snow later, hmm?

169. Here's me putting off changing out the radials

170. - till the last second. - You're not Sarah.

171. - Oh. - Where's Sarah?

172. It's my first day.

173. Still haven't got all the names straight.

174. Sarah's the one with...

175. Oh.

176. Code gray on floor two.

177. Security, please report to floor two.

178. Code gray.

179. There you are. Hi.

180. Okay. Mm...

181. What now?

182. Mrs. Lyon.

183. Let me guess, the orphans need a new roof.

184. Well, probably, but I'm more of a

185. "let the orphans fight each other for sport" kind of guy.

186. Libertarian, so...

187. I've got a busy day, Officer.

188. It's "sheriff," actually.

189. Roy Tillman, from over Stark County.

190. North Dakota.

191. That's the one. I was hoping we could, uh, talk.

192. Uh-huh. And what exactly are we talking about?

193. Uh, well, your daughter-in-law.

194. Well, what's she done now?

195. She married me.

196. You better come inside.

197. Okay, sailor.

198. What are you gonna cost me?

199. Excuse me?

200. The "fuck off fee."

201. Never to be seen again.

202. Oh... Good God,

203. don't tell me you want her back.

204. Is it just the money,

205. or have you always been this high and mighty?

206. Like that, looking down your nose

207. on a hard-working American.

208. And me with my hat in hand just trying to do what's right.

209. What's right for whom?

210. Right as in the Bible,

211. as in a woman swears an oath to honor and obey her man,

212. not go out and get a six-pack and never come home.

213. May I have the details

214. of this alleged matrimony, please?

215. June 3, 2007. We got married at the ranch.

216. My second, her first. Uh...

217. We were together about

218. two years, before and during, and then, all of a sudden,

219. poof, she disappears.

220. Gone.

221. Well, I'll tell you, there were nights

222. I figured she must've been dead.

223. Horrible thoughts.

224. Mountain lions, Mexican rapists.

225. So you can understand my relief

226. when the report came in said she'd been found.

227. Uh-huh.

228. Yeah, my first thought hearing that she'd remarried with a kid,

229. maybe some sort of amnesia.

230. Found wandering the highway,

231. not knowing when her birthday f—

232. All right, I-I... I get the picture.

233. Listen, slick.

234. Nothing would make me happier

235. than to put that girl in a box

236. marked "return to sender,"

237. between you and me, but

238. she's married to my son,

239. and he loves her,

240. and she's the mother to my granddaughter,

241. whom I'm fond of,

242. so you need to put your big boy pants on

243. and take the hit.

244. Bible says the wife is the property of the husband.

245. Therefore, that makes your son

246. a thief.

247. If we're talking about who has

248. the more legitimate claim.

249. You know, I've heard of you.

250. You're one of those constitutional sheriffs.

251. Yes, I am.

252. Defender of freedom and protector of the common man

253. against the tyranny of the state

254. and all its wicked demands.

255. - Taxes? - Oh, yeah.

256. The social safety net?

257. Well, I'd spit, but, uh...

258. Respect for the otherly-abled?

259. The whole multi-cultural panoply.

260. Billy has two mothers, et cetera, et cetera.

261. So-so,

262. you-you want freedom

263. with no responsibility?

264. Son, there's only one person on Earth

265. - who gets that deal. - Mm.

266. The president?

267. A baby.

268. You're fighting for your-your right

269. to be a baby.

270. Hi, they said—

271. Oh, I'm sorry.

272. I just wanted to check, see how the powwow went with Duggar.

273. What is that? Uh, Vivian Dugger?

274. The banker with a woman's name?

275. He was in my prowler once.

276. I caught him in flagrante with a lady of the evening,

277. but we came to an arrangement.

278. That's what reasonable men do.

279. Should I be— Do you want me to sit in on this?

280. No. No, the, um,

281. the sheriff was just leaving.

282. Oh, was I?

283. Well, as I said, if you're willing to sign some papers,

284. I could see my way clear to writing a check.

285. I mean, between your-your reelection

286. and my business dealings,

287. I'm sure neither of us want any sordid details coming out.

288. Is that reasonable enough for you?

289. So, that's who you are.

290. That's who I am.

291. And while we're talking about property rights,

292. I'd like to be clear that, after seven years,

293. a missing person is presumed dead.

294. So, technically,

295. Dorothy is my son's property now.

296. Nadine.

297. Her name's Nadine.

298. Not anymore.

299. Women, am I right?

300. Here's my card.

301. I'd be happy to sit down tomorrow,

302. discuss the details of a deal.

303. Well, son,

304. I'm not sure I can negotiate with a man

305. named after a breakfast pastry.

306. Yes, well,

307. I am Mrs. Lyon's

308. chief counsel, so I'm the one you talk to.

309. And who might you be?

310. Scotty.

311. He's a muffin, you've got a boy's name. What's next?

312. A monkey with a hat?

313. Nice meeting you there, Scotty.

314. Tell your mom Sheriff Roy says hello.

315. She looks just like her mom.

316. Yeah. I'll expect your call.

317. Oh, we'll be seeing each other again,

318. just maybe not in the way you're expecting.

319. What's that supposed to mean?

320. You have a nice day.

321. Ah...

322. How many times do I have to tell you people

323. - we're not gonna cooperate. - Mr. Graves,

324. did you have Dorothy Lyon committed this morning?

325. I don't see as that's any of your business.

326. Well, it's my business because she escaped.

327. Call just went out on the radio.

328. That's...

329. Talk to me.

330. Yeah, we're going with plan B.

331. Take the husband.

332. Yes.

333. Yes.

334. - Pass me to Bowman. - I don't...

335. Pass me to Bowman.

336. You didn't have to send him to babysit me.

337. Just give him the damn phone.

338. Right.

339. What'd he say?

340. You stay here.

341. I'm the law.

342. You...

343. I'm coming. I'm...

344. Fuck.

345. The female, or lady tiger,

346. can outsmart even the most skilled hunters.

347. She is a literal genius when it comes

348. to saving her young

349. and protecting her mate.

350. What's with all the extra security?

351. Oh, a mental patient escaped.

352. A female.

353. Mm.

354. I'm looking for my cousin, Wayne Lyon.

355. Aren't we going?

356. Oh, yeah. We just got to make a quick stop first.

357. Come on.

358. Oh, uh, third floor.

359. Oh, and, uh, check in at the nurse's station.

360. Hold it.

361. You stay in the fucking car.

362. Okay.

363. You stay in the fucking car.

364. Shit.

365. Shit. Shit. Geez.

366. Uh...

367. Just forgot some of your paperwork, hon.

368. Back in a jiff.

369. Well, about fucking time.

370. I'm supposed to get Jell-O and broth.

371. Hey. They said I could get some Jell-O and broth.

372. That's...

373. Sorry, let me see what I...

374. Two days I'm sitting in this stupid bed

375. waiting for you people to rip out

376. six feet of my intestines.

377. Least I can do is get some Jell-O

378. and fucking broth.

379. Of course.

380. I'll check on that for you.

381. You stealing my coat?

382. What the hell kind of place is this?

383. No. I'm just...

384. I'm having it cleaned.

385. It's part of the service we provide here.

386. I am on to you, bitch.

387. All of you people sneaking around here

388. pretending you're so nice, but I know who you really are.

389. Ow! Ah!

390. - Ah! Ah! - Why are you

391. - so rude? Hmm? - Ah! Ah! Oh!

392. So angry?

393. All of you.

394. Whatever happened to grace and dignity?

395. Everybody here is just trying to help.

396. The tiger has been known to set traps

397. to ensnare her pursuers.

398. Thus, the popular colloquialism

399. "Do not hunt the tiger

400. unless you want the tiger catching you."

401. What's money?

402. Money? That... Oh, hon,

403. I don't have time to go into the whole...

404. Let's get you to the bathroom, yeah?

405. Oh, I just went.

406. Poop came out.

407. Mm. Oh.

408. That's good, hon.

409. - Yeah. - Yeah.

410. We're gonna go, though, yeah?

411. Mm-hmm.

412. Yeah.

413. Uh, hold on, my foot's unconscious.

414. - Oh. - Yeah.

415. It's okay.

416. I love you, too.

417. Come on.

418. Mm.

419. The nurse told me that we're rich,

420. and I said I didn't know what that was.

421. What?

422. Stay here, okay?

423. Then, you see...

424. this lock?

425. Yeah.

426. Turn it when I'm gone

427. and don't come out until I say.

428. I love you three.

429. Lock the door, baby.

430. It's this one.

431. Stay here.

432. Oh, Nadine.

433. - What? - Dorothy,

434. he means. Sorry.

435. I'm— No. I have, I have—

436. M-Mrs. Lyon, it's okay. We-We're here to help you, okay?

437. I don't need help.

438. - I think you do. - No.

439. Let-Let's just— We'll find a room

440. and we can talk.

441. Dorothy?

442. Mrs. Lyon?

443. I can't. I, uh, have to be somewhere.

444. Do you got a card I could have?

445. Yes, ma'am.

446. You were supposed to wait in the truck.

447. FBI is here.

448. Look who they're talking to.

449. Doesn't matter. We got her husband.

450. Had to tenderize him.

451. What an asshole.

452. Let's go.

453. I'm Agent Joaquin. This is my, this is my partner,

454. - Agent Meyer. Here you go. - Hey, there.

455. We've been looking for you.

456. Can you— We just, we just want to talk.

457. All right? Let's find a room.

458. - Yeah, a quiet room. - You're okay, you're okay.

459. - We're here to help you. Okay? - It's okay.

460. - I meant to ask, is your, is your husband okay? - Yeah.

461. We went by the house. That must've been some fire.

462. He's...

463. Only the tiger shark

464. is a more dangerous foe.

465. Though, of course, the tiger shark,

466. or any kind of shark, really,

467. would suffocate in a hospital setting.

468. I'll just... I'll be quick.

469. What do you think?

470. She looks relieved.

471. No more running.

472. Honestly, I don't know how she made it this far.

473. Hmm.

474. Have you seen a woman,

475. like, light brown hair, maybe five-two

476. wearing nurse's scrubs?

477. She's a biter.

478. No. I can't help you.

479. - Okay. - Wait. What's her name?

480. Mrs. Lyon?

481. Dorothy?

482. No more running?

483. Well, shit.

484. Mrs. Lyon.

485. If I could just understand better

486. why you had her committed.

487. You're a debtor.

488. - What? - I looked it up.

489. $192,000.

490. Spread between your mortgage,

491. car loans, your student loans,

492. medical bills,

493. credit cards.

494. Hell, you've got it all.

495. Th-That's not...

496. I don't think...

497. relevant to this.

498. Don't feel bad.

499. You're not alone.

500. Over 90% of American adults are debtors.

501. In the red, living beyond their means.

502. Kids waiting in the wings.

503. I-I'm not...

504. I'm not that... what you said.

505. You see it, right?

506. The cage you're in.

507. I see it.

508. What came first?

509. Student loan?

510. Mm. Let me guess.

511. Your parents sent you to a private school

512. they can't afford,

513. took out a loan, made you sign.

514. I put myself through school,

515. working two jobs.

516. Mm, you got a loan.

517. Tuition went up sophomore year.

518. So, nobody tricked you into debt,

519. or-or forced you into it.

520. You went willingly.

521. At least the animals in the zoo fight.

522. I'm not an animal.

523. But you're in the zoo. All of you.

524. And every month,

525. the interest rate goes up,

526. the fees and fines.

527. You tuck your kids in at night, never telling them

528. that they're-they're in the cage, too,

529. because, when you die,

530. your debts become theirs.

531. So,

532. just know that, when you

533. talk to me, you're talking

534. to the zookeeper.

535. Not some lemming or lemur.

536. Mrs. Lyon.

537. Yes, I heard you.

538. My psychotic...

539. possibly homicidal daughter-in-law

540. escaped a locked psychiatric ward.

541. And what I want to know is, are you gonna look for her,

542. or are you gonna sit drinking coffee in the one house

543. in the state where I know that girl ain't at?

544. Larson, are you there? Copy.

545. Larson here. Copy.

546. Hi.

547. Mommy?

548. I'm so happy to see you.

549. - They said you were sick. - Do I look sick?

550. You look tired.

551. Well, I'm right as rain where it matters, so—

552. - Mama? - Yeah?

553. Who's Sheriff Roy?

554. Where did you hear that name?

555. He was here at Grandma's.

556. He said to say hi.

557. He's no one.

558. Just someone Mommy used to know.

559. Let's go.

560. Come on, come on.

561. ID, please.

562. But I'm leaving.

563. - ID, please. - Get out of my way.

564. Sir, I have my orders.

565. Nobody comes or goes without showing ID.

566. I hired you. I sign your paychecks.

567. That's who I am.

568. I appreciate that, sir.

569. I insist. ID, please.

570. Uh...

571. Thank you, Mr. Graves.

572. Fuck you.

573. Don't do this to me again. Do you understand?

574. - Have you seen Scotty? - What?

575. Scotty. She was just here.

576. I can't find her.

577. Well, I guess you'd better find Mrs. Lyon's granddaughter.

578. Toy box. 10-65.

579. Copy that, 10-65. Moving your direction.

580. Come on.

581. Shit.

582. I made coffee.

583. You want some?

584. Why not?

585. Looks like I'll be up for a while.

586. Hey, hon.

587. We got half the force looking for you. You okay?

588. We had breakfast for dinner.

589. She loves that.

590. Who doesn't?

591. I added cinnamon and a little honey.

592. Didn't know you could do that. Hmm.

593. You got some cartoons she could watch?

594. Uh, they turned off the cable last week...

595. but I think there's a Little Mermaid DVD

596. - somewhere in the living room. - Mm.

597. How about that? Hmm?

598. How does that sound? Little Mermaid.

599. Princesses are dumb.

600. But beggars can't be choosers.

601. - Remote's on the table. - Go on.

602. I'm trying to think of who, in the history of the world,

603. has had a week like the one you just had.

604. Amelia Earhart, maybe.

605. It's only been a week?

606. Give or take.

607. You got a nice face.

608. You know that?

609. Kind, in the eyes.

610. Oh, I can be scary when I need to.

611. - Just ask my husband. - Hmm.

612. Is that him in the garage?

613. What's he doing in there? It's been hours.

614. Yeah. The nine iron, the eight iron, the seven iron.

615. Don't get me started on the putter.

616. Ah. He's a golfer.

617. You ever have a dream where you, you wake up one day

618. and you realize you're just not tall enough to reach it?

619. Well, he ain't woke up yet.

620. Keeps thinking it's the gear. "Maybe with better gear."

621. So, every month when I open the credit card bills,

622. they just keep getting bigger and bigger.

623. Hm.

624. I need to leave Scotty here for a few days.

625. You're not serious.

626. Two. Three, maybe, tops?

627. I got to do something.

628. I don't...

629. She's not safe at Lorraine's.

630. Safe from what?

631. Price of admission.

632. You tell me the truth,

633. and I'll see if I can help you out.

634. Okay.

635. Some fellas came for me the other day,

636. and again on Halloween.

637. Who?

638. My husband.

639. The first one.

640. Before Wayne.

641. I was 17.

642. 15 when they took me in.

643. That's a whole other story.

644. Keep going.

645. They never hit you when it's going their way, you know?

646. It's when they're weak,

647. and just pretending to be strong.

648. When they need something small to climb on to feel big.

649. "They"? You said "they."

650. Can I just...

651. Can I leave her here or what?

652. Dorothy...

653. You're a wanted fugitive.

654. Your daughter is a missing person, presumed kidnapped,

655. and I'm an officer of the law. I...

656. So that's a no?

657. Babe, I'm slicing right again.

658. It's those goddamn clubs that Walter sold me.

659. I'm gonna take them back in the morning,

660. see if he'll exchange them for the Epic MAX Star five,

661. but we need to be prepared for him to bone me.

662. Babe, there's a lady in our kitchen.

663. There sure is.

664. This is my friend Alice, from the potlucks

665. over at Saint Luke's.

666. Hi. Forgive the getup.

667. I just pulled a double at the hospital.

668. Hey.

669. Her daughter Scotty's gonna be staying with us

670. for a couple of days.

671. She's in the living room, watching The Little Mermaid.

672. Like, an actual kid?

673. Now I get it.