Fargo 2x2

1. Mama, can I, huh? Mama, can I, huh, huh?

2. Can I, Mama, won't you please let me? Mama, can I, huh?

3. That's the sweetest little dress, Sally Where'd you get the pattern?

4. Made me one just like it out of yellow dotted Swiss

5. Yes, I guess we got the earliest garden in the county

6. Beneath the strawberries are a heap of snappin' green beans

7. Too bad about your boy

8. Mama, make Willie quit pulling at my hair

9. Mama, ouch! Ouch! Mama, just make Willie quit it

10. Tommy, if ya don't put down that stick

11. I'm gonna wear you out with it Boy, be quick

12. Come quick, Sammy Jean stuck her finger in a Coke bottle

13. Can't get it out 'cause it's stuck, stuck, stuck

14. Now I told you my mama didn't raise no fool

15. I can do anything if I got the right tools

16. Mama, can I, huh? Mama, can I, huh, huh?

17. Can I, Mama, won't you please let me? Mama, can I, huh?

18. Jeremy Kleiner up in Winnipeg writes,

19. "Feel better, boss man." That's nice.

20. And then,

21. Carter Bunch says,

22. "Keep fightin', you old cuss. You'll outlive us all."

23. Indian Joe sent porn.

24. Give these to the Chinaman. The usual disbursement.

25. Get your dad and uncles.

26. We need to talk.

27. You finish your chores?

28. Yes, sir. Been helpin' Grandma with the bank.

29. She sent me to get you. Wants us all together up in the house.

30. Dodd's inside.

31. fought in the trenches in France.

32. World War I.

33. He was an Artillerieschützen, my granddad, a gunner.

34. Blasted mustard gas at the Allies.

35. Had 'em dancing like poisoned rats.

36. The Brits caught him in a raid,

37. hung him by his thumbs for six days straight,

38. so this, what we're doin', this is nothin'.

39. Are you listening to me?

40. Is he listening to me?

41. Cut off his ears.

42. Wake him up.

43. He's dead, I think.

44. Weak.

45. Uncle Dodd?

46. Doc's finished. Grandma wants us.

47. Who were the goons?

48. Kansas City.

49. They wanna buy us out.

50. So they came to you, then?

51. They came to see your father. But he's not well.

52. So they talked to me as a surrogate.

53. I should have been there.

54. Jeez, Dad. Don't be such a baby.

55. Shut up.

56. She shouldn't be in here.

57. She's old enough. I told her to stay.

58. She's a girl.

59. And girls grow up to be women,

60. and change boys' diapers.

61. Where's your little brother?

62. Rye? Haven't seen him.

63. Who knows with that kid? Probably neck deep in some pussy.

64. With a girl, you know.

65. What's the offer?

66. He talks to you. Where is he?

67. Said he had things to do out of town.

68. - I saw him yesterday. - What things?

69. What's the offer?

70. The world's becoming more corporate.

71. This was their pitch to me.

72. And in this new world there's no room for family business.

73. So, war.

74. They're offering to buy the whole operation,

75. then pay us to run it.

76. Bottom line?

77. Bottom line, very little changes on the ground.

78. We may actually earn more.

79. But instead of running it, we report to them.

80. To who? Kansas City.

81. Balls. What'd you say?

82. I said thank you very much, I'll consult with my partners.

83. Meaning, Grandpa.

84. No.

85. The stroke.

86. Your father is not in a lucid state.

87. Nor will he be, possibly ever.

88. What are you saying?

89. I'm saying your grandpa built this business,

90. but he's no longer capable of running it.

91. We should have a moment of silence, maybe.

92. As new boss,

93. I say we tell these Kansas City schwanzes

94. to go to hell in the fast lane.

95. Now, hold on.

96. What, you think it should be you?

97. No, stupid.

98. Mom.

99. Boss can't be a woman!

100. Who says?

101. Think about it.

102. Mom's the one with ties to Winnipeg.

103. History with Carter B and the Solkerk crew.

104. Suppliers trust her.

105. It should be Mom.

106. Hell, yes. I vote for Grandma.

107. Shut up. We're not voting.

108. I'm oldest.

109. I'm boss.

110. End of story.

111. Give us a minute.

112. Not you.

113. Sit.

114. Eat somethin'.

115. This moment,

116. how things go in the next few weeks,

117. will decide...

118. That's why... Let me finish!

119. Your grandfather left the ashes of the Weimar Republic

120. and came to this country to build a name for himself.

121. He built an empire

122. from a shoe shine box,

123. and then and only then did he send for your father.

124. Ma. I know the story.

125. No. You don't.

126. 'Cause if you did, you'd know that you are just a small part of it.

127. That's what an empire is.

128. It's bigger than any son.

129. Or daughter.

130. Eat.

131. I'm not hungry.

132. I'm your mother, you will eat with me.

133. Your time will come.

134. It will.

135. But this isn't it.

136. And if you stand by me now,

137. I promise you that as soon as this crisis is over,

138. I'll hand you your legacy

139. and I'll turn my thoughts to the grave.

140. Now, we need to find Rye.

141. Can you do that for me?

142. Yes, ma'am.

143. Wherever he is, whatever he's doing,

144. bring him home.

145. If you were a betting man, I'm sayin'.

146. Well, I think history has proven

147. people of the Germanic persuasion don't surrender easy.

148. But you can kill 'em.

149. Unless the woman, being a woman...

150. Maybe we can scare her.

151. No.

152. I think we cut a deal with one of the sons.

153. The youngest maybe, Rye.

154. The elders are...

155. Well, you know how a lobster's got a pincher claw and a crusher claw?

156. Which one's which?

157. Pardon?

158. Which son is which claw?

159. You know what? Forget it.

160. I don't want anything to do with your fakakta metaphor.

161. Management says acquire the territory, we acquire it.

162. Whether that's cash down or sending bodies to the morgue,

163. that's up to the krauts.

164. First Gerhardt to switch sides gets a shiny red apple.

165. No, I know.

166. I know. Uh-huh.

167. No, no. Sheriff says it's a local matter.

168. Yeah.

169. Okay then.

170. Yeah.

171. - Papa. - That's me.

172. Papa!

173. Did you get some sleep?

174. Uh... A couple hours, you know. Went pretty late.

175. - Papa. Papa. - What? What?

176. What can I make you?

177. Uh, eggs would be good, if not a bother.

178. I could do oatmeal, maybe.

179. Tell me a story.

180. Somethin' about the smell of eggs right now...

181. Okay, coffee's fine.

182. Uh...

183. Okay.

184. Once upon a time there was an oyster.

185. What's an oyster?

186. It's a shellfish.

187. Fish?

188. Close enough. Lou sleepin'?

189. He had a call with the brass. Should be down soon.

190. Apparently, one of your victims was a judge.

191. - A judge, huh? - Uh-huh.

192. The older woman?

193. Out of North Dakota.

194. Huh.

195. Papa!

196. Hello. Yes.

197. What's the story?

198. What story?

199. About the oyster.

200. Oh, uh...

201. Yeah.

202. Sorry. Lieutenant called.

203. Judge, huh?

204. - Betsy told you. - Yeah.

205. Yeah, municipal judge up in Fargo.

206. Huh. Oh, yeah.

207. One day, the oyster got caught in the net.

208. Fisherman pulled him up, all set to eat him.

209. Except he happened to have his daughter in the boat.

210. And she said...

211. "Daddy, how would you feel

212. "if I peeled the roof off your house and ate you?"

213. Was that you?

214. It was.

215. That's the story of how your mom and me

216. came to eat hot dogs for dinner, once again.

217. Mmm-hmm.

218. Hey, so knowing she's a judge, that change anything?

219. Well, you know, I guess we gotta ask ourselves,

220. was this judge just in the wrong place at the wrong time,

221. or was this whole mess about her?

222. Gonna be late for work, huh?

223. Yeah, I don't think I'm goin' in today.

224. Well, gotta keep up appearances though, right?

225. You said.

226. Jeez, hon, your eye...

227. No, it doesn't hurt. It just... It looks bad.

228. Maybe I should stay home too.

229. No. You should go.

230. Just tell them you hit your head or something.

231. I gotta...

232. There's too much stuff to do here.

233. I...

234. Car's gotta be cleaned, the floors.

235. I mean...

236. Yeah.

237. Are you with me?

238. Good.

239. Bear's thrown in with Momma. That's his loss.

240. Distributors will stand with me, if I press.

241. But we need Rye.

242. So, when you find him, you bring him to me first, you understand?

243. Not her. Me.

244. There you go.

245. Thanks.

246. Remember to cook them all the way through this time.

247. Oh. Thank you. Hey there, Peggy.

248. Hey.

249. Expecting your husband.

250. Yeah, he had...

251. At dinner last night, I think it was some bad clams.

252. You know, from a can.

253. Never trust anything that comes from the sea.

254. We came from the sea.

255. Tomorrow, for sure.

256. Okay.

257. - Bye. - Bye.

258. a desperado, I heard.

259. But Sheriff thinks a pair of 'em

260. gunned down those poor people at the Waffle Hut

261. one after another in cold blood.

262. I mean, first Watergate and now this.

263. What's the world coming to?

264. Sorry, Mrs. Colson. Car wouldn't start.

265. I'll ditch the coat and get you squared away, okay?

266. Big night?

267. Huh?

268. Got a hangover?

269. Oh!

270. No, it's just a migraine.

271. You talk to Ed?

272. Did I...

273. About the seminar. Next weekend?

274. Got us a room at the Southnick Hotel.

275. Oh, yeah.

276. I don't know. It's a lot of money.

277. And we're saving up right now, so Ed can buy the butcher shop.

278. What I'm hearing, is you think your husband's more important than you,

279. his needs.

280. No. I just...

281. We got a plan, you know?

282. The word "we" is a castle, hon, with a moat and a drawbridge.

283. And you know what gets locked up in castles?

284. Dragons?

285. Princesses.

286. Don't be a prisoner of "we."

287. Take the seminar.

288. It'll give you a key to the castle.

289. Yeah.

290. Oh, hey, you don't know what happened to all the TP, do you?

291. The what's that?

292. Had a case of TP in the back last week. Somebody took it.

293. Yes, sir. I know I said it was a local matter last night,

294. but I slept on it, you know?

295. And given the level of violence, and with no apparent suspects,

296. and the fact that one of the victims was a judge...

297. Right, in North Dakota,

298. which means you're gonna have all kinds of interstate issues.

299. So, my thought is, you know, all the more reason for me...

300. Yes, sir.

301. Thank you, sir.

302. I'll coordinate with Sheriff Larsson,

303. and head up to Fargo first thing tomorrow.

304. Yep.

305. Yeah, I know, we...

306. You said all that, but my point...

307. What I'm trying to...

308. I've got the money, see... I've got...

309. Uh...

310. I...

311. I mean, I will have.

312. So, you just need to hold the Selectrics for me until...

313. Uh...

314. So, just hold them, okay? Don't...

315. And I'll call you back.

316. Hi, there.

317. Money troubles?

318. What?

319. Oh! No, he double-billed me for something, is all.

320. Just straightening things out.

321. I see.

322. Yeah.

323. We're not really open, is the thing.

324. Waitin' for new models to come in.

325. So, closed temporarily.

326. That's okay.

327. We're not really customers.

328. Okay, well...

329. Rye Gerhardt.

330. Is that your name, or...

331. I mean, geez, I met the guy, of course.

332. Once or twice.

333. Were you...

334. Did you need a character reference or...

335. That's good.

336. I like that.

337. "A character reference."

338. How about you just tell us where he is,

339. seeing as he works for you and all.

340. Well, isn't that what you told Big Jim Suggs?

341. Over at the Pig 'n' Poke yesterday?

342. Had a few drinks.

343. Told him you had a Gerhardt in your pocket.

344. I never...

345. Ow!

346. Kids today love to talk on the phone,

347. but I'm a big believer in correspondence,

348. friendly or otherwise.

349. "If you've got a complaint," is my motto,

350. "put it in writing."

351. For instance,

352. last week I bought one of those

353. new automated coffeemakers at Sears.

354. You know, the one with the clock inside?

355. And the thing is, pardon my French,

356. a real piece of shit.

357. So, what do I do?

358. "Dear General Electric,

359. "the coffee maker that I bought at Sears on 11th March

360. "makes a noise when it's brewing

361. "that sounds like a fat man having a heart attack."

362. Stop!

363. "And it forces me to ask the question,

364. "is this why our once-great nation is going down the crapper?

365. "Yours in peace and harmony,

366. "Mike Milligan."

367. The judge!

368. Go on.

369. All I said was talk to her.

370. What judge?

371. Mundt!

372. Judge Mundt!

373. Talk to her.

374. That's what you said?

375. Yeah.

376. Why?

377. What happened?

378. There he goes!

379. Don't let him get away, man!

380. Get a rope and we'll hang him!

381. One hour ahead of the posse

382. The bloodhounds are hot on my trail

383. Last evening I shot down my sweetheart

384. This morning I broke out of jail

385. My Pinto is tired and hungry

386. And I'm feeling weary and gone

387. We started ahead of the posse

388. And we got to keep going on

389. The Sheriff has sworn he will get me

390. He's riding with 20 and five

391. But I ain't afraid of that posse

392. For they'll never will get me alive

393. One hour ahead of the posse

394. No turning to left or to right

395. We must win the race to the river

396. Or there'll be a hanging tonight

397. We're gonna hang him tonight

398. One hour ahead of the posse

399. And now I'm inside on my own

400. At last we have beaten that posse

401. May the Lord have mercy on my soul

402. You said to remind you I got that specialist appointment Tuesday.

403. Dad said he'd watch Molly.

404. I'll drive you.

405. You sure? You got the case.

406. I'll drive you.

407. We feel so special, don't we?

408. Gettin' Daddy for lunch.

409. Daddy!

410. Captain said wait on going up to Fargo.

411. He needs to work out some kind of chain of command BS, so...

412. Hon?

413. Hon?

414. Sorry.

415. I got a wild hair.

416. Something's not adding up.

417. Stay here, okay? Uh-huh.

418. What's Daddy doing?

419. Work stuff.

420. You wanna build a snowman?

421. You wanna build a snowman?

422. Can we do it over there?

423. How 'bout right here?

424. Okay, should we start getting some snow?

425. Yeah!

426. What are you gonna call the snowman, Molly?

427. Maybe Bob.

428. Yeah.

429. All right, we got the bottom.

430. Next, we need to make the body.

431. I need you to find me some sticks for the arms.

432. Okay? Yeah.

433. Thank you.

434. Momma! Yeah?

435. Look what I found!

436. Can I keep it?

437. No, hon. It's got a rip.

438. That's trash now. Okay?

439. Okay, okay.

440. Hon!

441. Look at this!

442. Look what I found. That's great, hon.

443. I found it in the bushes.

444. - Fingerprints. - Yeah, I know.

445. Jeez, I got it by the barrel.

446. What's that?

447. Momma's doing Daddy's job again.

448. Go, Momma!

449. You okay, hon? Yeah.

450. I stood up too fast, is all.

451. Help you, Officer?

452. Sir, please roll up your window.

453. My friend up front doesn't like to talk to strangers.

454. Well, he's gonna talk to me.

455. Rock County.

456. It's like...

457. What's that town on The Flintstones?

458. Is that where we are?

459. On the Flintstones?

460. All right, that's it. Out of the car, all of you.

461. Your friends, too.

462. Come around the driver's side here.

463. Okay, let me see some IDs.

464. I'm gonna reach in my pocket.

465. Now them.

466. Mike Milligan

467. and two named Kitchen.

468. Brothers, yeah?

469. Yes, sir. That's us.

470. Kansas City.

471. What's this about, Sheriff, if I'm okay to ask?

472. Now, if I were to search you three, would I find weapons?

473. Well, sir.

474. You have nothin' to fear from us.

475. We're just passin' through town on our way to points south.

476. Thought we'd stop for some waffles.

477. Gale's idea.

478. Heard you had some real good ones around here.

479. So, you can imagine our surprise

480. when we find the place closed, and, apparently, the scene of a crime.

481. What size shoes you boys wear?

482. Now, that is a truly odd question.

483. Last time I checked, I was a 10. Boys?

484. Now, I'm gonna go ahead and guess the boys are an 11,

485. and not a two, which would make them toddlers.

486. Now, unless there's some law been broken,

487. I think it's time for us to be on our way.

488. I promised the boys' wives I'd have them home for supper.

489. And I am, if nothing else, a man of my word.

490. Okay.

491. I got your names and your plate number.

492. I'm gonna radio ahead and make sure you make it out of state.

493. If not,

494. I'm gonna put out a APB, and have you boys rounded up.

495. And then we'll talk again.

496. You understand?

497. I do.

498. And isn't that a minor miracle?

499. The state of the world today,

500. the level of conflict and misunderstanding,

501. that two men could stand on a lonely road in winter and talk,

502. calmly and rationally.

503. While all around them people are losing their mind.

504. You have a nice day.

505. - Good night, Noreen. - Okay then.

506. Don't be silly. I'll give you a ride.

507. You sure? I don't wanna be a bother.

508. No bother.

509. Come on, sexy. Get in.

510. Right to the right, there.

511. Ooh! You're a life saver.

512. It's a real mess.

513. Thanks, doll.

514. Shouldn't have had all that ginger ale.

515. Ed?

516. Ed?

517. Well, I might take a plane

518. Might take a train

519. If I got to walk, I'm going just the same

520. I'm going to Kansas City

521. Kansas City, here I come

522. They got some crazy little women there

523. Jeez. What happened to your car?

524. Oh, no. It's nothing. Just a dust-up.

525. Ed had a few too many last night, and hit a tree.

526. He's fine though. Just shook up.

527. What about you?

528. Me? Oh, no, I wasn't... I was home.

529. Those bills aren't gonna pay themselves.

530. You're kind of a bad girl, aren't you?

531. Yeah, you are.

532. I'm usually able to tell right away, but you had me fooled.

533. Oh, it's nothin'. I just bumped it, is all.

534. In the dust-up?

535. Thought you weren't in the car, you said.

536. It's okay. You don't have to tell the truth.

537. I'm not even mad about the TP.

538. Next time, just ask though.

539. Or maybe that's what you like.

540. Huh?

541. Breaking the rules?

542. Thanks for the ride, okay?

543. I've just got a real bad headache, like I said before, and...

544. So maybe, I'll just see you at work tomorrow, okay?

545. Sleep well, now.

546. Didn't expect you'd still be here.

547. Yeah.

548. Found possibly the murder weapon over in the bushes there.

549. Betsy did, I mean,

550. if I'm being honest, which I try to be.

551. So, now I'm wondering what else I missed.

552. Anything interesting on that car I called in?

553. Oh...

554. Those fellows were positively fascinating.

555. Nothin' actionable, though.

556. Cook fell funny, is the truth.

557. Why I'm still here.

558. Got stuck in my head.

559. Callback.

560. Heard it referred to once as a convergence.

561. You know, one thing reminds you of another.

562. Yeah.

563. Wanna talk about it?

564. Not especially.

565. We had a guy on the boat, liked to smoke cigars for breakfast.

566. Picked up the habit from his granddad, he said.

567. This was on the Bode River, '74.

568. So, I'm on the wheel, this kid comes out...

569. 'Cause what could he have been? Nineteen?

570. Lights his shit stick, and then...

571. He never even saw it coming.

572. Shot him right through the cigar.

573. A one-in-a-million shot.

574. And the look on his face when he fell...

575. Just like the cook.

576. Bafflement.

577. Yeah.

578. This German captain hung himself.

579. 1945.

580. Found him in a bunker during the mop-up,

581. face all purple,

582. eyes bugged out.

583. Then in '62, I'm responding to a suicide.

584. Fellow's in his bathroom,

585. swinging from an electric cord.

586. You never know. Mmm.

587. War stories.

588. Different now, though.

589. After WWII,

590. we went six years without a murder here.

591. Six years.

592. Now, these days, well...

593. Sometimes I wonder if you boys didn't bring that war home with you.

594. Hey. Burnin' it at both ends, huh?

595. Yeah. Yeah.

596. Double shift for me.

597. Yeah. Hear what happened?

598. - At the Waffle Hut? Yeah. - Yeah.

599. Real mess. Yeah.

600. The killer still at large, they say?

601. Yeah, we think so.

602. Anyway, saw your light on.

603. You know, Molly loves bacon for breakfast.

604. I seem to remember we're out.

605. So, I thought, if you don't mind, I'd pick some up,

606. be there when she woke up.

607. Yeah. Yeah?

608. Yeah, sure. Come on in.

609. Uh...

610. So, you want fatback or...

611. Well, lean, if you got it.

612. Okay.

613. Third of a pound.

614. So, how's Peggy?

615. Yeah, she's, uh...

616. She's doin' good.

617. You know, doin' real...

618. Work's good, she says.

619. Yeah, I think Betsy's coming in this week

620. for a trim, which...

621. I don't know why I know that.

622. Wives...

623. They talk whether we're listening or not.

624. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Oh.

625. No, it's... It's on the house.

626. No, no, let me...

627. No, I... I got it.

628. I... I got it, here we go. All right, hold on.

629. You gonna get that?

630. Yeah.

631. Yeah.

632. Why is it takin' so long?

633. Yeah, it's just...

634. The wife... I'm almost done. Right.

635. Well, can you hurry up? I don't like being here by myself.

636. Thanks.

637. Ed?

638. Ed?

639. Ed?

640. Yeah.

641. Yeah, I still gotta...

642. You know, it takes time, grinding a whole...

643. No, I know. I...

644. I just miss you, is all.

645. No, I miss you too, hon.

646. It's just...

647. I'll make some oatmeal, okay?

648. And we can have breakfast when you get home.

649. Okay.

650. I love you.

651. Love you, too.

652. Bye.

653. No one would've believed,

654. in the last years of the 19'th century

655. that human affairs were being watched

656. from the timeless worlds of space.

657. No one could've dreamed we were being scrutinized,

658. as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm

659. and multiply in a drop of water.

660. Few men even consider the possibility of life on other planets,

661. and yet, across the gulf of space,

662. minds immeasurably superior to ours,

663. regarded this earth with envious eyes

664. and slowly and surely they drew their plans against us.