Fargo 1x3

1. Okay.

2. Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit!

3. No, wait. Tell him... tell him I'll pay it all back.

4. I— I— I swear... No, no...

5. Please!

6. For the love...

7. I got kids.

8. Don't move.

9. Please, please.

10. She won't stop, you know.

11. first prize is three fun-filled days in Bismarck.

12. So get your entries in lickety-split.

13. The contest ends Friday.

14. Pleased to meet you.

15. So, uh, this is where he worked? - Yeah...

16. in accounting.

17. Just typing away and this other fella comes in,

18. drags poor Phil out by the necktie.

19. Nice guy, too.

20. Super. Such a pity.

21. Gambling problem, I heard.

22. You don't say? I heard drugs.

23. I heard he, like, slept with a 13-year-old girl.

24. For Pete's sake, Bob! Don't spread rumors about the poor man.

25. No, it was gambling, for sure.

26. I got the security tape queued up downstairs.

27. Want to see that?

28. Yeah. Yeah, I do.

29. Hard to tell much.

30. Like I said.

31. Can you freeze it there?

32. You say you found the victim's clothes in the garage?

33. Phil? Yeah.

34. Lab says the fella cut 'em off with a knife? Damn peculiar.

35. So, you think this is your guy?

36. The one who killed all those people over in Bemidji?

37. Could be.

38. It's a nasty enough fella.

39. Who are you?

40. Great job, okay?

41. In through the nose and out through the mouth.

42. Ladies, you are looking great, okay? Keep up the good work.

43. Well, hello, you.

44. You got bronzer on your blackmail note.

45. Listen, listen, listen. I swear on my—

46. You couldn't find a smaller room for us to talk in?

47. What?

48. Nothing.

49. Look, this... this whole thing,

50. huge mistake. Okay, I never meant...

51. See, I just... I just wanted something for Don, you know?

52. You done?

53. Here it is. You're screwed.

54. You made a choice and this is the consequence.

55. Me, I'm the consequence.

56. Please, please don't tell Helena.

57. I don't work for Helena.

58. I work for her husband, Stavros Milos, the Supermarket King.

59. On, my God.

60. Oh.

61. Here. Squeeze this. Yeah.

62. on, no.

63. You ready?

64. I've got two questions and one comment, understand?

65. First question, why $43,613?

66. Gonna start a Turkish bath.

67. See, back in the Ottoman Empire—

68. Second question, what do you know?

69. About what?

70. Stavros, the guy you're blackmailing.

71. You wrote a note, "I know about the money."

72. What do you know?

73. Uh... Nothing, really.

74. I mean, Helena told the story so much...

75. about her husband and how he lies about his money.

76. So you're blackmailing a guy for something but you don't know what it is?

77. Are you ready for the comment?

78. You're an idiot.

79. Good news. I'm taking over.

80. Taking over what?

81. The blackmail.

82. You work for the guy.

83. Exactly.

84. And now you work for me.

85. I'm confused.

86. That's okay. I'm not.

87. The first thing we need is a new blackmail letter.

88. Hey, Maggie. Lieutenant in?

89. What?

90. He's in the bathroom.

91. Ah.

92. Um...

93. Lieutenant?

94. What?

95. I'm takin' a dump.

96. Yeah, so, listen.

97. About that triple homicide over Bemidji?

98. Oh, for Christ's sake, talk to your shift commander.

99. Well, yeah, I would, you know, but he don't listen to me.

100. Who's this? Dan Hoskins?

101. Uh, no, sir.

102. Gus Grimly.

103. Grimly?

104. For Christ's sake, aren't you animal control?

105. No. I... I just sub for those fellas sometimes.

106. So, listen... I pulled this car over the other night, a speeder.

107. And, uh... well, I let the guy go with a warning, but then...

108. Well, it turns out...

109. I ran the fella's plates on account of what you said

110. at the briefing about watching our P's and Q's.

111. And, uh... well, it turns out that the car

112. belongs to one of the... victims.

113. One of the... What?

114. Are you kidding me? No, sir.

115. Lester Nygaard, that's who the car is registered to,

116. but he wasn't driving, obviously.

117. So I'm thinking maybe it might be the killer.

118. Shut up.

119. For Christ's sake! You pulled over a stolen car

120. and let the guy go with a warning? Well— It wasn't—

121. See, it wasn't listed as stolen, so—

122. And now, I checked this morning,

123. and it's impounded, as of yesterday, so-

124. Stop.

125. It's goddamn Sioux Falls allover again.

126. Yes, sir.

127. What... what's Sioux Falls?

128. Shut up.

129. You're gonna look through every goddamn mug book in the state.

130. Yes, sir. And you're gonna find this guy.

131. Yes, sir.

132. And you're gonna call Bemidji...

133. and you're gonna tell them that you screwed up. You.

134. Absolving the rest of us of any dipshittery.

135. Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

136. He can afford it, your brother.

137. Kitty said he just got a big promotion

138. after only working there a year.

139. Kitty said they also got one at those

140. fancy new surround sound systems.

141. Guess I married the wrong Nygaard.

142. Or what? What are you gonna do?

143. You cam even face me when we're having sex.

144. Lester, I need you to get down on the ground.

145. Hold on. Don't... There's nothing down—

146. Lester, on the ground.

147. That's not- I didn't do nothing.

148. I didn't... I just got home. I just got home and...

149. Now, hold on. Hold on.

150. Don't... There's nothing down there—

151. There's— That is not—

152. I didn't do nothing! I didn't do nothing!

153. I just came home. I just came— Oh, jeez.

154. Yeah, so I closed it outwith a spare and a strike.

155. Two-twenty-two.

156. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

157. Lester.

158. Well, I'll be— Hey... Lester.

159. I should've called, I guess, huh?

160. Please. What can we do for ya?

161. Well, I thought I'd... do some work. You know, get back to it.

162. You're so brave.

163. Jeez, ya think you're ready?

164. Think so.

165. Yeah, I mean, you can't just sit around the house, you know?

166. Good. Okay.

167. You want to do some filing or...

168. I was gonna run out to see Gina Hess.

169. Who's that? The widow Hess.

170. Got some papers for her to sign.

171. Yeah.

172. On account of Sam, her husband. He got murdered.

173. Bo!

174. Sorry, was that insensitive?

175. Anyways, did you want to take that over to her?

176. Which'd actually help me out a lot,

177. 'cause I got a dentist thing, you know, so...

178. Um...

179. But, I mean, if you're not ready... No, I'll...

180. It's the 6-14 C, right?

181. And D, yeah.

182. Did you get the soup I sent ya?

183. Oh, yes, thank you.

184. Well, I better grab those forms.

185. Mmm-hmm.

186. Here we go. Come on. Got it.

187. Oh!

188. Whatcha doing here, loser?

189. Yeah, loser. Whatcha doing here?

190. Come on, boys. I'm just here to see your mom.

191. Yeah? Why, you want to do her?

192. Yeah, loser, you gonna—

193. Wait, he's not really gonna have sex with our ma, is he?

194. He better not. Nobody's—

195. God damn it, get off the guy.

196. And quit shooting up the lawn sign.

197. Never gonna sell this place, you keep filling it with arrows.

198. Yeah, they've sure got a lot of energy, huh?

199. They're wolves.

200. What do you want?

201. Well, ma'am. I'm—

202. My name is Lester Nygaard and I'm from Munk Insurance.

203. Oh.

204. Well, why didn't you say so? Uh...

205. Yeah, come on in. Thank you.

206. Do you want a whiskey?

207. Oh, uh...

208. Have a seat. Oh, thank you.

209. Sorry about the boys. They're animals.

210. Really.

211. They fart on everything. The walls, each other.

212. When do I get my money?

213. Uh...

214. Can I... can I? Oh, yeah, yeah.

215. Well, um...

216. First of all, I would just like to say

217. how sorry I am about your husband. Mmm.

218. We went to high school together and...

219. Yeah, that's sweet.

220. But about the money...

221. Yeah. Uh...

222. Well, I have some forms.

223. Now in cases where the deceased

224. was killed— Murdered, I mean...

225. Mmm-hmm.

226. the process is a little different.

227. What do you mean?

228. Well, and I'm going through this myself.

229. We have to wait for the coroner—

230. Wait a minute.

231. You're that guy.

232. I saw you at the cemetery.

233. Oh, yeah, that's...

234. Your wife was killed, right? And the Chief of Police.

235. He was murdered at your house, right?

236. Yeah. Mmm-hmm.

237. I think you better have that whiskey.

238. You should get back out there. You know... date.

239. You're not a bad looking guy.

240. A little small, maybe.

241. Did you like her?

242. Your wife.

243. My husband was...

244. Well, you knew him, right?

245. Didn't get better.

246. Yeah, how did you...

247. In Vegas. Oh.

248. I was a dancer.

249. Well, a stripper, if we're being honest.

250. You ever been to a strip club?

251. No. No.

252. Seriously? No, I mean,

253. you know, I always wanted to, but...

254. Well, I was good.

255. Yeah.

256. I got great tits...

257. and I'm super flexible. Oh, wow.

258. Hi.

259. And that is how I met Sam.

260. And he started flashing all this money around,

261. telling me how he was gonna take me away from it all.

262. Blah, blah, blah.

263. I was 19... so stupid. Hmm.

264. And now here I am stuck in the Yukon with my two mongoloid sons.

265. Oh, they're not so bad.

266. I've taken shits I wanna live with more than them.

267. Yeah.

268. Now...

269. So, tell me, handsome—

270. Oh...

271. What's a girl got to do to get that money...

272. quick?

273. 'Cause I will do anything.

274. Oh, God.

275. Sorry, man.

276. Not again.

277. Jesus.

278. What'll it be, stretch?

279. I need some Adderall.

280. You got a test, is that it?

281. Big final, need to pull an all-nighter?

282. Exactly. High dosage, too.

283. Just pretend I'm a 300-pound 9-year-old who cant finish a sentence.

284. Here we go. 30 milligrams.

285. Don't take two of these and think you're gonna nap.

286. It's basically speed.

287. So why don't we say— That'll work.

288. How about a zombie kit?

289. What's that now?

290. Zombie kit. Shotgun, machete, some Bactine.

291. It's a side business.

292. I make up these knapsacks for the zombie apocalypse.

293. You know, in case the undead come back to life

294. and the world gets all dog-eat-dog.

295. It's already dog-eat-dog, friend.

296. Not sure what worse a bunch of zombies could do.

297. Oh, my gosh!

298. Look at you.

299. Oh, my gosh. Look at you.

300. So that's your uniform, then?

301. Yeah, yeah, this is it.

302. And you got a gun and everything.

303. Nah, it's made out of wood.

304. Seriously?

305. No, no, it's a real gun.

306. On.

307. So, how's your dad, then? Great.

308. Yeah, still got the restaurant so.“

309. Fun. Yeah.

310. So, I heard about what happened.

311. The murders.

312. Jeez.

313. Yeah, yeah. It's a muddy road so...

314. I bet.

315. You dating anyone?

316. Me? No.

317. No, you know me.

318. I'm just an old ship captain.

319. You know, I'm married to the sea.

320. So, you live in St. Paul, then?

321. Yeah.

322. Moved, like, right after high school.

323. Nothing ever happens in Bemidji, ya know?

324. And Ted got the job.

325. Oh, yeah, yeah. How's Ted?

326. Good.

327. We're divorced now.

328. On account of... he had intercourse with his physical therapist.

329. Oh, jeez. But I'm doing good.

330. Great, really.

331. Been meeting men on the Internet.

332. Online dating?

333. Oh, yeah.

334. So, that's been fun. Really?

335. 'Cause sometimes, you know, you hear stories, so...

336. Well, from time to time, you get a bad egg.

337. Like, there was a fella... had a harelip.

338. And another stole all my panties.

339. But then I met Roger... Mmm.

340. and we've been dating about six months now.

341. He took me to Acapulco.

342. Ooh. Yeah.

343. Except he got a spider bite,

344. like, on his neck.

345. And at first we thought it was a mosquito,

346. but it turns out the spider laid eggs in there or something,

347. 'cause we were in the middle of doing it

348. and all these baby spiders popped out of his neck.

349. Jeez.

350. Yeah, lesson learned, you know?

351. From now on, I am staying right here in Minnesota.

352. Sounds right.

353. So... you girls ready to order some food?

354. King!

355. Here, King!

356. King!

357. Here, King!

358. Kingie-the-King!

359. King!

360. Here, boy! Here, King!

361. King!

362. Come to daddy!

363. Kingie-the-King!

364. Where's my little monster?

365. Here, boy.

366. Come on, King.

367. King!

368. What the hell?

369. King!

370. before the worst happens,

371. call the best, Bo Munk Insurance.

372. So come on down to Bo Munk insurance

373. and see me, Bo Munk, before it's too late.

374. Jesus.

375. Oh, God.

376. Is that...

377. Oh...

378. Lester?

379. We're all of us going for Arby's.

380. Do ya... Can I bring ya anything?

381. No. No, thank you.

382. Okay, well, see you in a bit, then.

383. Oh!

384. You scared me there. I thought the place was...

385. I was...

386. Oh, uh...

387. Well, that's... excuse me.

388. Hello. Uh, Mr. Nygaard, please.

389. This is Lester. Yeah, Mr. Nygaard,

390. this is Duluth Impound.

391. Just want to let you know we got your car.

392. Uh, pardon?

393. Your car, license 628633QI.

394. Got towed yesterday from Phoenix Farms on Elm.

395. In Duluth?

396. Yes, sir.

397. Oh, just take anything you like.

398. So what have I got to—

399. Just need proof of current registration and $ 150

400. and we'll release the car to you. Okay, well, well—

401. We'll take cash only. Uh...

402. Thanks for calling. Yeah, remember. Cash only.

403. Yeah.

404. So... what can I do for you fellas, then?

405. 'Cause we're... kind of busy right now.

406. Hmm?

407. What's that?

408. No, sorry, I...

409. Sam Hess.

410. Are you fellas, uh, family of his?

411. Lester, we saw you with the widow.

412. Looked like you were having a party.

413. You celebrating, maybe?

414. No, come on.

415. God.

416. I got a deaf cousin.

417. Oh, uh...

418. Hi.

419. Uh, excuse me.

420. Uh...

421. Sorry about the door. Not sure how that happened.

422. Not interrupting anything?

423. No, no, no. Just giving these guys a quote.

424. So, like I said, you know, it's 300 a year, plus 200 up front.

425. Okay. Look through that and give me a call.

426. Sounds good. Talk soon, Lester. Deputy?

427. Who were those fellas, then?

428. What's that?

429. Not from around here, I'm guessing.

430. Yeah, yeah. From the city, I think.

431. Said they were going to... Where was it again?

432. Mexico? Yeah.

433. Had some questions about vacation insurance.

434. So, uh, speaking of insurance...

435. Now, look, I talked to Bill, so if this is about the case...

436. Oh, no, just looking for a little advice.

437. With Vern dead, and I know we're not talking specifics,

438. but with him dying, I got to thinking.

439. You know, I'm a single person, but I got my dad and stuff.

440. So I got to thinking, what would happen to him, then.

441. Yeah? Yeah.

442. No, yeah. Very...

443. Because a lot of girls your age,

444. they don't think about these things.

445. You know the... posthumous and so on.

446. So, I thought I'd come see you, you know.

447. Maybe bu? a policy Oh!

448. And I got all my info here, you know.

449. Social Security and the likes.

450. Oh, jeez. So sorry.

451. You need some help with that?

452. No, I got it.

453. Okay. Well... Uh...

454. Okay, well... Uh...

455. I got a lot— You know there are lots of choices,

456. policy-wise.

457. And of course I could give you the whole... long speech.

458. Please, I got time.

459. Well, I could give you the whole long speech,

460. but, you know, it's all in here.

461. All the details, really.

462. Oh, and I gotta close up real soon.

463. Okay.

464. Thank you for your time. That's okay.

465. Uh...

466. Look over all that stuff and give me a call.

467. Bye.

468. He killed my goddamn dog.

469. You said you were gonna find him.

470. He raised his price.

471. $1 million?

472. He killed my damn dog and now he wants $1 million?

473. Eat a turd is my response!

474. And if it's your ex-wife?

475. Son, you think my ex-wife killed the damn dog?

476. It wasn't the wife, ass-hat!

477. She's mean, but she's got a human heart in her chest.

478. Hell, she loved the damn animal more than me.

479. No, this is different.

480. Some sick bastard gets off on hurting little things.

481. Who else knows about the money?

482. Nobody. Nothing to know.

483. Must be something...

484. or he wouldn't be blackmailing you.

485. No, nobody knows.

486. Nobody can know. It's impossible.

487. Meaning?

488. You like that?

489. St. Lawrence.

490. Patron saint of hard-asses. Burned alive by the Romans.

491. You know what he said?

492. "Turn me over. I'm done on this side."

493. That's a goddamn saint.

494. You Greek Orthodox?

495. Why, 'cause I'm Greek?

496. Let's just say God and I have a...

497. You ever make a New Year's resolution?

498. Stop smoking? Lose weight?

499. And then...

500. Hell, I don't know. You're the expert.

501. I want the damn dog killer found.

502. I'd like to move onto the property till this thing's over.

503. He came to the house once. He might do it again.

504. There's an in-law next to the garage. Semenko will show you.

505. But I am losing patience.

506. Get it done.

507. It's goddamn hot in here.

508. You looked through all those?

509. What?

510. It's just...

511. your dad made a mistake.

512. I let a guy go that I shouldn't have.

513. And now I got to call this other jurisdiction

514. and tell them that, uh...

515. 'cause of me their suspect got away.

516. Hmm.

517. Probably better to do it in person, don't you think?

518. What's this, then?

519. Our suspect.

520. Oh, yeah?

521. Security camera caught him kidnapping the naked fella.

522. Kidnapped him naked?

523. No, dressed.

524. Phil McCormick.

525. Our perp cut his clothes off in the parking garage.

526. No kiddin?

527. Yeah.

528. So, here's the thing.

529. I took the photo and I showed it to Lester.

530. Did what? Not officially.

531. No, I told him I was interested

532. in some insurance, which is true.

533. And then I just happened to let him see the photo

534. and you should've seen his face.

535. I mean, it's like he saw a ghost.

536. Lester knows this fella all right

537. and not from some casual chat.

538. Got to say, I'm super ticked here.

539. Yeah, okay, but before you—

540. I told you don't pester the guy.

541. I said, he's not a—

542. And then, what do you— I never said he was—

543. And then what do you do?

544. The next day even? Yeah, but...

545. What if he is involved, you know? I mean, think about it.

546. No!

547. The guy just lost his wife and you're boxing his ears.

548. Yeah, I know, but...

549. Solve the naked guy.

550. That's the case I gave you.

551. If this is your suspect, put out an APB and we'll get him in.

552. Sure, but, you know, what if he and Lester...

553. You know what? Just tell them the truth and say you're sorry.

554. That's what you always tell me.

555. You're a good girl.

556. As far as you know.

557. Just sit there, I'll be... I'll be back.

558. Yeah, hi, I'm, uh...

559. I just drove over from Duluth PD.

560. I need to speak with someone about Lester Nygaard.

561. Hey, yeah, hi.

562. I'm Deputy Solverson. What can I do for you?

563. Well, um...

564. Maybe we should talk at my desk?

565. Yeah. Yeah.

566. Yeah? All right.

567. Have a seat.

568. You want some coffee? The guys just brewed a pot, so...

569. Uh...

570. No, I... I just gotta...

571. I'm good. Okay.

572. So, uh... three days back I'm on patrol, you know,

573. and I pull this guy over, silver Taurus...

574. ran a stop sign.

575. And I...

576. I gave him a warning, see.

577. But then, I don't know, I just- I had a feeling.

578. What kind of feeling?

579. A bad feeling.

580. Real suspicious, like.

581. So, I ran his plates and it turns out

582. that the car was registered to one of your victims.

583. What?

584. Yeah.

585. Lester Nygaard.

586. Son of a—

587. He told me his car was in the shop so...

588. Oh, yeah?

589. Yeah.

590. Well, here's the thing. Um...

591. Lester wasn't driving.

592. Now, I know that now because I checked the plate but at the time...

593. This fella, maybe?

594. Holy cow.

595. Yeah.

596. That's... I think that's him.

597. How did you? Security camera...

598. caught him over in St. Paul kidnapping an accountant.

599. No kidding? Yeah.

600. So, listen, one thing I'm not quite clear on.

601. You said you only found out later

602. that it wasn't Lester driving.

603. But, I mean...

604. you checked the fella's license and registration, didn't you?

605. Well...

606. You see, I asked...

607. but he... threatened me.

608. And I...

609. It's... it's—

610. I know, it's no excuse but—

611. I...

612. He's a really dangerous looking fella

613. and he had these really scary, uh, eyes.

614. And I just—

615. Dad?

616. Yeah?

617. Could I get a dollar for the vending machine?

618. Yeah.

619. Hold on. Yeah.

620. Actually they... they give us these tokens.

621. Just put that in the coin slot.

622. Great. Thanks.

623. How old?

624. Greta? Yeah, 12.

625. She's a real good kid.

626. Her mom at home?

627. No.

628. It's just us, 10 years now.

629. They're outta M&M's. Ah.

630. So, you two drove all the way from Duluth, huh?

631. Yeah.

632. Well, uh...

633. I was gonna grab dinner. There's a good burger place nearby.

634. So, you two want to join me before you head back?

635. Oh, no, no, no, we don't want to be a bother.

636. It's no bother.

637. We'll talk about the guy, you know. See what you remember.

638. Maybe a clue drops out.

639. It's Lou's. Just a couple of blocks up the street.

640. Lei me just put an APB out on this guy and I'll be right there.

641. She seemed nice, huh?

642. What?

643. Ay, caramba!

644. Just you two? No.

645. A very pretty lady will be joining us.

646. Duluth PD?

647. Yes, sir.

648. You associated with Ben Schmidt? Think he's a lieutenant now.

649. Yes, sir. He's my boss.

650. Kind of a prick.

651. That's the one.

652. Yeah.

653. Yeah, we had a deal together once in Sioux Falls...

654. joint task force situation.

655. Boy, that was a rodeo.

656. Hey, Dad. Hey, sweetie.

657. I think I'm gonna need a milkshake tonight.

658. Better make it a double.

659. Me, too?

660. Uh, yeah, okay. You gotta eat something green.

661. Same here and some burgers all around.

662. Sounds good.

663. So... it's a bit strange, huh?

664. This Lester fella never reporting his car was stolen?

665. It is, yeah. Pretty sure he's mixed up in some nasty business.

666. So, you got a boyfriend, then?

667. No.

668. Pretty girl like you?

669. Too young for a boyfriend.

670. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

671. Hey, you ever heard of a spider

672. laying eggs in a person's neck?

673. What's that now?

674. Friend of mine said it happened to a friend of hers.

675. Gross. Yeah.

676. Said they were...

677. He was sleeping and all these baby spiders just ran right out.

678. Not sure if I want to live in a world

679. where something like that can happen to a person.

680. I put bourbon in one of 'em.

681. Whoever finds it wins a prize.

682. He's only kidding.

683. Ooh, wait. No, I win.

684. Burgers will be right up.

685. Thank you.

686. Hey there, Lester.

687. Hey.

688. So, which one makes the biggest hole?

689. And behold the daughter of Pharaoh

690. came down to wash herself in the river.

691. And her maids walked by the river's brink.

692. And when she saw the basket in the sedges,

693. she sent one of her maids for it.

694. And when it was brought, she opened it

695. and saw within an infant crying.

696. And having compassion on it, she said,

697. "This is one of the babes of the Hebrews“

698. And she adopted him for a son and called him Moses,

699. saying, "Because I took him out of the water."

700. One day, after Moses had grown up,

701. he went out among his people and saw their affliction.

702. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, his brethren.

703. Looking this way and that way, and seeing no people,

704. Moses slew the Egyptian and hid him in the sand.