1. Hey, waldo.
I'm still waiting
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2. For that
mighty weenie
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3. And an order
of ribs.
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4. Coming up, boss.
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5. A dog and a hog.
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6. What do you think
of this skirt?
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7. It's fine. Why?
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8. Steve says
it's too short.
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9. Ooh, girl!
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10. Hot.
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11. It's perfect.
It's perfect.
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12. Hey, buster.
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13. Keep flirtin',
and you'll
be hurtin'.
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14. Yeah, right.
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15. What?
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16. What!
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17. I told you that skirt
was too short.
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18. Oh, laura, my pet.
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19. I'm so sorry.
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20. Oh, i'm so
very sorry.
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21. I'm sorry.
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22. I'm really sorry.
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23. Oh, i'm so sorry.
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24. Look at my outfit.
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25. It's ruined.
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26. I know.
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27. Did i mention
i'm sorry?
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28. If i didn't,
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29. I'm so sorry.
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30. Stop it!
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31. Steve,
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32. Whatever made you think
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33. You could carry
a tray of milkshakes
10 whole feet?
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34. I guess i was having
delusions of adequacy.
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35. Steve,
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36. You are the clumsiest
person in the world.
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37. Have you ever
gone a single day
in your entire life
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38. Without destroying
something?
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39. Hmm.
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40. Does in the womb count?
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41. And clumsiness
is only part
of the problem.
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42. You're also annoying
and socially inept.
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43. Gee, you're just
quite the cheerleader,
aren't you?
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44. Help me out here,
steve.
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45. Why are you
the way you are?
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46. Well, for the same reason
you're gorgeous
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47. And eddie is loaded
with muscles—
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48. Beadlike strands
of recombinant dna
called genes,
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49. Arranged along
the 23 pairs
of human chromosomes.
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50. Right.
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51. But... What happened
to yours?
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52. Well...
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53. It might have
something to do
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54. With the fact
that the day before
i was conceived,
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55. A road flare went off
in my father's pocket.
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56. Steve,
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57. Is there anything
you can do
to change yourself?
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58. Well, why?
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59. I like myself.
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60. I'm comfortable
with me.
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61. Well, that makes
one of us.
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62. I'm not comfortable
with you.
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63. I've got
three flavors
of milkshake
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64. Dripping
down my leg.
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65. Steve,
it would be nice
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66. If you tried
to change.
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67. And it would be
even nicer
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68. If you did it soon.
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69. But...
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70. Hi, honey.
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71. Hey.
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72. Is that today's mail?
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73. Yep.
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74. Anything for me?
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75. Just bills.
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76. I'm glad to hear
the bills make you happy.
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77. Why?
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78. Because i'm going
shopping at the mall.
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79. By the time i'm done,
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80. You'll be thrilled.
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81. Good one, harriette.
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82. Hey, you want
some company?
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83. You're volunteering
to go shopping with me?
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84. Sure.
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85. And i'll even
treat you to lunch.
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86. Okay, that's it.
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87. What have you done
with my husband?
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88. It's me, your
little binky-poo.
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89. Why is my little binky-poo
in such a good mood?
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90. Because it's been
one whole week
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91. Since i've seen
steve urkel.
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92. For seven
whole days,
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93. I haven't heard,
"did i do that?"
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94. It's—
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95. Oh, look,
i'm being audited.
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96. Hey, guys.
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97. Hi.
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98. Can eddie and i
have a party
saturday night?
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99. Sure, if it's just
the two of you.
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100. You and eddie
can go ahead and
have your party.
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101. Excuse me?
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102. Yeah.
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103. Go ahead
and party down.
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104. Okay, who are you,
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105. And what have you done
with my daddy?
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106. It's me.
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107. I'm just footloose
and urkel-free.
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108. Come on, harriette,
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109. Let's get you
some extra money
so you—
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110. Hi, big guy.
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111. Oh, god, no.
No, no, no!
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112. I'll go get
the bankbook.
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113. Forget the bankbook.
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114. Spend, spend, spend,
spend, spend.
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115. That's all we do
around here.
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116. And, laura,
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117. There'll be
strict rules
for your party.
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118. Come on, sunshine.
Let's go.
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119. Good lord.
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120. Malls.
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121. Parking hell.
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122. Baby strollers.
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123. Feet hurting.
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124. Life stinks!
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125. Who put the starch
in his tutu?
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126. What do you want,
steve?
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127. Well, i wouldn't
thumb my nose
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128. At the nobel prize,
monkey doodle.
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129. What are you
talking about?
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130. And don't ever call me
monkey doodle.
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131. Laura,
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132. I locked myself
into my basement
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133. And embarked
on a series
of experiments
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134. That will revolutionize
the science of genetics.
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135. Really?
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136. Yeah. Thank goodness
it was only a week.
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137. I had to go to
the bathroom real bad.
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138. Steve, what is
that stuff?
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139. This chemical compound
will make me...
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140. Cool.
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141. You go on
and drink that,
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142. Then i'll show you
my toothpaste
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143. That turns me into
janet jackson.
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144. Mock if you must,
my little minx.
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145. I found my cool gene.
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146. It was a little
hard to find.
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147. It was behind my genes
for hammertoes
and nasal drip.
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148. But still,
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149. I found it.
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150. So i took
my cool gene
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151. And i doubled it.
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152. And i doubled it again
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153. And again,
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154. Until i had 100 trillion
cool genes.
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155. Yaa-ha ha ha!
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156. Steve, you're scaring me.
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157. Sorry.
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158. Laura, this elixir
will improve
my coordination,
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159. My posture,
my vocal intonation,
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160. And i might
even sprout
a chest hair or two.
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161. First, you better
sprout a chest.
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162. Steve, is that stuff safe?
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163. Who knows?
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164. Steve...
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165. Tired of
steve urkel,
were you?
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166. Wanted
someone better,
did you?
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167. Someone... Cool?
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168. Well, through
the teeth,
over the gums,
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169. Look out,
stomach,
here it comes.
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170. Steve, stop!
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171. Ooh...
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172. Cool genes
taste like
snapple.
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173. Ahh.
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174. You okay?
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175. Steve!
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176. Steve?
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177. Steve?
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178. Steve who?
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179. Steve urkel.
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180. You.
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181. No, no,
no, no, no.
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182. There is
no steve here.
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183. I'm stefan,
sweet thing.
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184. Stefan urquelle.
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185. Where is he?
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186. I don't see him.
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187. Where is
stefan urquelle?
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188. Relax, k.C.
He isn't
here yet.
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189. How's my hair?
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190. It's fine.
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191. Fine? It's just fine?
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192. For stefan it's
got to be perfect.
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193. Do you believe this?
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194. Just a few days ago,
the world's coolest guy
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195. Was the world's
biggest nerd.
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196. See, eddie.
There's still
hope for you.
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197. Move out
of my way!
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198. Aw.
Aw.
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199. I told you
i should've worn
the other tie.
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200. Food!
Food!
Food!
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201. Do you believe
those appetites?
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202. We'll be lucky
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203. If they
don't eat
the furniture.
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204. If stefan doesn't
show up soon,
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205. I'll explode!
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206. I'll just explode!
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207. That girls braids
are too tight.
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208. Please, party on.
Party on.
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209. It's you!
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210. It's really you!
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211. Peace, baby.
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212. Aah!
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213. Wake up, sweet thing.
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214. Okay.
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215. Aah!
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216. Oh, shoot.
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217. We have some serious honeys
in here.
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218. Oh, this party
is the bomb.
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219. Ohh!
Aah!
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220. Mm mm mm mm mmm!
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221. Baby, you are worth
another trip.
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222. Stefan, stop.
You're embarrassing me.
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223. Say my name again.
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224. Stefan?
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225. There's nothing sweeter
than the sound of my name
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226. Upon your lips.
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227. Hey, yo, stefan.
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228. Yo, eduardo, my man!
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229. Oh, i'm sorry.
I don't know
that handshake.
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230. How could you?
I just made it up.
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231. Harriette, that hair.
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232. That dress.
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233. If carl knew
what i was thinking,
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234. He'd arrest me.
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235. B.G.
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236. B.G.?
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237. Well, big guy, of course.
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238. Hey, are you losing weight?
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239. Ha, a little.
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240. Turn sideways.
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241. Oh-oh. Where'd you go?
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242. Steve...
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243. Stefan.
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244. Right.
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245. Are your parents happy
with the new you?
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246. Oh, they love
the new me.
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247. In fact, they finally
introduced me
to my grandparents.
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248. Stefan.
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249. Would you like
to dance?
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250. Oh, of course.
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251. But later.
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252. I'd like the first dance
to be with my lady love.
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253. Hi, honey.
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254. Hi, sweetheart.
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255. What's the matter?
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256. Joey gonzalez got shot
tonight.
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257. Oh, my god!
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258. Is he okay?
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259. Yeah. We think
he's going to make it.
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260. What happened?
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261. Routine traffic stop.
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262. Joey asked the driver
for his license
and registration,
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263. And the guy just shot him.
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264. Unbelievable!
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265. Yep. Joey was lucky.
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266. The doctor said if it had
been an inch to the left,
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267. Joey would've been dead.
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268. Are you going
to be alright?
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269. I guess.
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270. Come on, sweetheart,
tell me the truth.
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271. Do i look better
at 131 pounds or 132?
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272. Stefan, i told you
at dinner.
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273. I prefer 132.
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274. Really? 'cause i feel
so bulky.
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275. What's wrong?
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276. A policeman
was wounded tonight.
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277. He's a friend
of your father's.
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278. Oh, daddy,
i'm sorry.
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279. Would you like to go
to the hospital?
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280. Yeah, i would.
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281. Some of the guys
will be there.
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282. Ma, call me if there's
anything i can do.
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283. Alright, sweetie.
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284. Well, the storm clouds
are gone.
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285. Care to cuddle up
with a little ray
of sunshine?
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286. Don't you care at all
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287. About what happened
to my dad's friend?
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288. Don't you have any feelings?
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289. Well, of course i do.
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290. But when i find myself
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291. Burdened by the troubles
of the world,
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292. I try to cheer myself up
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293. By thinking about all
the wonderful clothes
i own.
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294. Stefan, we have to talk.
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295. Oh?
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296. I never thought
i'd say this
in a million years,
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297. But...
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298. But what?
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299. I miss steve urkel.
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300. Why?
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301. Because he had feelings.
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302. He cared about people.
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303. Face it, stefan,
numero uno on your list
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304. Is you.
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305. Can you blame me?
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306. Yes!
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307. Look at me.
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308. I'm incredible.
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309. Good-looking, charming...
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310. Suave and cool.
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311. That's it.
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312. I want steve back.
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313. Steve was an annoying,
clumsy nerd.
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314. A man would have
to be crazy
to go back to that.
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315. Oh.
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316. Or in love.
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317. What do you mean?
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318. This is the antidote
to the "cool" elixir.
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319. I call it
the elixir fixer.
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320. Will that make
you steve again?
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321. Or the village idiot.
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322. It's never been tested.
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323. Wait. Don't do it
if it's dangerous.
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324. Laura, i've been
stefan urquelle
for a week.
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325. And i've got
all the things
i've always wanted—
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326. Friends, fame,
and popularity.
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327. But if i don't have you,
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328. I have nothing.
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329. Enchante.
Got any cheese?
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330. Table for two.
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331. Did i do that?
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332. Yo, sweet thing.
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333. Whoa, mama!
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334. Are you okay?
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335. No sweat, my pet.
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336. Oh, i'm fine.
Heh heh heh.
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337. I never thought
i'd be so glad to hear
such an annoying sound.
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338. That's not very nice.
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339. But i forgive you.
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