Family Matters 5x11

Directed by Rich Correll

Urkel and Carl are stranded on a stalled subway with a car full of grouchy shoppers. Urkle teaches everyone, including Carl that Christmas is a state of the heart, and can be celebrated anywhere and with anyone.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hey, richie.

2. Hi, eddie. Is that present for me?

3. Nope. It's for laura. I got to stash it.

4. Gee, i hope you don't hide it, where she hid your present.

5. Uh, richie, are you telling me

6. You know where my present is hidden?

7. Uh-huh. And where might that be?

8. Forget it, eddie. There's no way i'm talking.

9. 2 bucks.

10. Garage. Gray file cabinet, bottom drawer.

11. Hey, richie.

12. Hi, laura. Is that present for me?

13. No. It's for dad. I got to find some place to hide it.

14. Gee, i hope you don't put it where he hid yours.

15. You know where my present's hidden?

16. Uh-huh.

17. Where is it? Forget it.

18. There's no way i'm talking.

19. 2 bucks.

20. Uncle carl's room, under the bed, inside the luggage.

21. Boy, business is booming this year.

22. I wish i had a bigger family.

23. Merry christmas.

24. Oh, p-lease.

25. Don't shovel that christmas garbage my way.

26. Whoa. What elf bit your butt?

27. I get into work this morning,

28. And there's this poor guy filing a burglary report.

29. It seems somebody stole all his family's christmas gifts from his house.

30. Oh, how terrible!

31. Wait a minute. There's more.

32. Turns out he lost his job

33. And he doesn't have any money to buy new presents

34. For his seven hungry kids.

35. So i get the idea, pass the hat

36. So this poor, unfortunate victim

37. Can at least buy food and gifts for his family.

38. Oh, carl, you're sweet. You're a good man.

39. I'm an idiot, harriette.

40. It was a con. He's a crook.

41. He goes from city to city

42. Telling the same sob story.

43. He doesn't have any kids.

44. He took advantage of my sympathy.

45. And he spent the money on cheap wine and hookers.

46. Unbelievable.

47. I tell you, harriette,

48. Christmas brings out the worst in people.

49. Oh, no, it doesn't, carl.

50. Oh, yeah? This afternoon

51. I arrested two charity santas

52. Who got into a knife fight over a good corner.

53. At least the knife fight was for a good cause.

54. Hello, steve.

55. Oh, feliz navidad, carl.

56. What's the holiday haps, paps?

57. Well, i was going to wrap this crystal music box.

58. It's a present for harriette.

59. Ooh.

60. Oh, purdy.

61. It looks expensive.

62. Oh, good.

63. Uh, steve, could you hand me th—

64. Shh. Not while i'm cutting.

65. I see you emphasize speed over appearance.

66. Gifts are like people.

67. It's what's on the inside that counts.

68. No. Gifts are like fish.

69. Wrap them badly, and they stink.

70. Well, i'm done.

71. Me, too.

72. Uh, carl. Hmm?

73. Would you like me to wrap that for you?

74. Yeah. But be very, very careful.

75. Of course. Don't get your tinsel in a tizzy.

76. Watch it. Watch it.

77. Ooh.

78. Ooh!

79. Hey, you know i got to hand it to you, steve.

80. This gift is so beautiful, it could be framed.

81. No, it couldn't. 'cause it's a picture frame!

82. Oh, boy.

83. Ooh. This one's heavy.

84. Yeah. That's a gift for my best bud eddo.

85. Why, it's a 20-pound—

86. Ooh! Oh!

87. Oh!

88. Ooh! Dumbbell.

89. You want to go shopping, big guy?

90. Yeah. Yeah. Let—

91. Let's do that.

92. Why, we'll put on our galoshes,

93. And we'll leave a note for harriette, okay?

94. Yeah.

95. I-it's snowing hard outside,

96. S-so we better take the train.

97. Oh, yeah. You like the train, don't you, big guy?

98. Ah, yes. Christmas eve.

99. Can't you just feel the love in the air?

100. No, i can't.

101. Well, i do. Why, love is everywhere.

102. Merry christmas, everybody!

103. Oh. Oh, shut up.

104. Steve, put a cork in it.

105. There are nine cars on this train,

106. And you've gotten us kicked out of eight of them.

107. Get off me!

108. Happy holidays, ma'am.

109. Drop dead, four-eyes.

110. Ha ha ha ha!

111. What's so funny, fatso?

112. Hey, look who's here. It's santy claus.

113. Santa, what are you doing on this train?

114. Whatever happened to your sleigh

115. And eight tiny reindeer?

116. I sold them to buy this.

117. You see, steve?

118. Well, stop being a negative ned.

119. After all, you have to admit

120. We did have a wonderful time shopping together.

121. Oh, really? What was the wonderful part,

122. The excruciatingly long lines,

123. The rude salespeople,

124. Or that kid who upchucked in my shopping bag?

125. You don't see the humor in that?

126. No. I am so miserable.

127. My feet hurt, my head aches, and i'm with you.

128. This has got to be the worst christmas of my life.

129. Don't say that, big guy.

130. Things'll get better.

131. They can't get any worse.

132. What th—oh. Oh!

133. Well...

134. I was wrong.

135. They just got worse.

136. Sorry, folks. Power outage. Merry christmas.

137. Attention, passengers.

138. I've got some good news.

139. Yeah. Good.

140. I just spoke with dispatch,

141. And we should be up and rolling

142. In just a few... Hours.

143. Perfect! Just perfect.

144. Oh, carl, be a funster, not a glumster. What?

145. Just because we're stuck doesn't mean the fun has to stop.

146. When did it start?

147. Right now.

148. Say, everybody, want to play a game?

149. Come on! No!

150. Lard-head.

151. Hey... Come on, ma'am,

152. Why don't you lead us all

153. In a rousing game of simon says?

154. Sit down or i'll give you a faceful of pepper gas!

155. You're out already.

156. You didn't say simon says.

157. Simon says go suck an egg.

158. Now, listen, folks,

159. Now we can sit here like gloomy gusses and gerties,

160. Or we can all ban together

161. And fill this train full of christmas spirit.

162. Oh. Come on.

163. Hey, you.

164. You see this tree? Uh-huh.

165. If you don't shut up you're gonna be the angel on top.

166. Oh.

167. Now you listen to me, mr. Grinch.

168. I will not be bullied on christmas eve.

169. I set out to spread some christmas cheer,

170. And dag namit, i won't rest

171. Until this cabin is ho-ho-hoing.

172. Will you please give it a rest?

173. Well, stand up, ma'am. What?

174. You of all people

175. Should be filled with the joy of christmas.

176. Why?

177. Here we are on the eve

178. Of the day we celebrate the birth of our savior,

179. And you, too, are great with child.

180. I'm not pregnant.

181. Oh. You can sit back down now.

182. You know, i could break you in half.

183. Here's a neato idea.

184. How about a sing-along?

185. Oh, come on!

186. Oh, please. Sit down!

187. Steve, these people are not exactly a sing-along group.

188. Sure they are, carl. I have the perfect song, too.

189. The 12 days of christmas.

190. What do you say, everybody? Whoo!

191. Ow!

192. Okay, everybody gets to be a day.

193. Carl, you're the first day of christmas.

194. Oh, joy.

195. Santa, you're the second.

196. Third, fourth,

197. Fifth...

198. Sixth, seventh,

199. Eighth...

200. Ninth,

201. Tenth, eleventh,

202. And twelfth.

203. Okay, let's wail.

204. Hey, you carry a pitch pipe? You don't?

205. Oh, don't worry, everybody.

206. We're getting it. We're getting it. Whoo!

207. Ooh. Ow!

208. "and Joseph took mary, who was great with child,

209. "up from galilee, out of the city of nazareth,

210. "unto the city of david, which is called bethlehem.

211. "and she brought forth her first born son

212. "and wrapped him in swaddling clothes

213. "and laid him in a manger

214. "because there was no room for them

215. At the inn."

216. Mom, are you okay?

217. I'm worried about your father.

218. I'm sure he'll be alright, mom.

219. But he's been gone for hours.

220. There's a blizzard, and the power's out.

221. Mom, but he's not alone. He's with—

222. Steve.

223. Ohh. Ohh.

224. But we gotta think positive, mom.

225. I know, i know.

226. You gotta hope that before the blackout hit

227. He scored your present.

228. Edward, unlike you my main concern is not what i'm getting for christmas.

229. I just wanna know that your father's okay

230. I want him her safe with his family on christmas eve.

231. I'm sorry.

232. I do too.

233. We all do, mom.

234. Is uncle carl gonna be okay?

235. Oh, honey, i'm sure he's gonna be fine.

236. Mother winslow, lets hear the rest of that story.

237. "and they were in the same country shepherd abiding in the field.

238. Keeping watch over their flock..."

239. Oh, man, that was fun.

240. Let's take turns telling santa what we want for christmas.

241. I got a better idea, let's all take turns pounding your face

242. With whatever objects we happened to bring with us.

243. Yeah!

244. Let's do that.

245. Keep an eye on her, carl.

246. Listen, pal, about your son here...

247. He's not my son.

248. Yeah, well, i wouldn't admit it either.

249. But you brought nerd-boy on this train,

250. So he's your responsibility.

251. Shut him up, or one of us will.

252. Steve, why do you always do this?

253. Well, carl, i wanted to make everybody feel better.

254. Well, you haven't.

255. You just made everybody feel worse.

256. Now sit down and be quiet.

257. Are you okay, steve?

258. Carl, it's christmas eve,

259. And everybody's supposed to be happy.

260. But instead, everybody's mad at everybody else.

261. Listen, folks—

262. I know. I know. I know.

263. You're all tired and hungry, and you want to be home

264. Spending christmas eve with your families.

265. But does sitting here being grumpy

266. Make you feel any better?

267. Well, i think not.

268. Ma'am, i notice you have several shopping bags.

269. Might those bags contain gifts?

270. Might.

271. For who?

272. For my grandkids.

273. How many do you have?

274. Seven. Four boys and three girls.

275. Oh, that's terrific.

276. And i bet you'll feel great

277. When you see their happy faces on christmas morning.

278. Yes, i will.

279. And, miss,

280. Well, i couldn't help but notice

281. That beautiful engagement ring of yours.

282. Oh, yeah.

283. It's real diamonds.

284. Belonged to roger's mother.

285. Will this be your first christmas with roger?

286. Yes.

287. Will you ever forget it?

288. No. Never.

289. And, santa—

290. What?

291. Why, you're one of the symbols of christmas.

292. Children all over the world believe in you.

293. Why, you make their dreams come true.

294. And i have a hunch you're a darn good santa.

295. Well, people have always complimented me

296. On my ho-ho-hos.

297. And how does that make you feel?

298. Pretty good.

299. You see, folks,

300. Christmas isn't a place.

301. Why, it's a feeling.

302. It's the love and warmth of friends and family.

303. It's a feeling we get in our hearts

304. This time of year.

305. And we take that feeling with us wherever we go.

306. Why, christmas can even be here

307. On this cold, dark train.

308. I'll give it a try.

309. Folks, i present to you,

310. Our christmas tree.

311. Hey!

312. Merry christmas.

313. Merry christmas.

314. Merry christmas, steve.

315. Merry christmas, carl.

316. Merry christmas.

317. Merry christmas.

318. Merry christmas.

319. Carl. Carl, are you okay?

320. Oh, honey, i'm fine.

321. Carl, we were so worried about you.

322. Everything is fine.

323. Steve and i were stuck on the el train

324. When the blackout hit.

325. You still don't have power here?

326. Nope. It's been out for hours.

327. Well, it's christmas time.

328. And we just have to believe

329. Everything's gonna be alright.

330. Right, steve?

331. Right, big guy.

332. Harriette, i've invited steve to spend the night.

333. You have?

334. I thought you said you were okay.

335. I'm more than okay, thanks to steve.

336. He reminded me of what christmas is all about.

337. You know what i need? A big hug from my family.

338. Come on over here. Come on.

339. Hey, come on over here, steve.

340. What, me, too?

341. Wow. This really must be christmas!

342. Merry christmas, sweetheart. I think you'll find

343. Something from me under there.