Family Matters 5x1

Carl shops for a toupee, hoping to turn Harriette's head. Meanwhile love struck Myra accuses Laura of trying to take Urkel away from her and the two get into a food fight.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Hi-dee-ho, angel toes!

2. I'm busy, steve.

3. All la work and no l'amour

4. Makes laura la dull girl.

5. Ha ha ha!

6. Pour vous.

7. Thanks.

8. Pour goodbye.

9. Oh, wait.

10. Laura, ever since you declared your love for me,

11. I've been the happiest carbon-based multicell life form

12. This side of the milky way.

13. Steve, i did not declare my love for you.

14. When you started seeing myra,

15. You stopped coming over here.

16. Amazingly, i missed you,

17. But only as a friend.

18. Well, you know,

19. Friendship is the first step to love.

20. Do you know what comes next?

21. A restraining order.

22. Well, actually, i was thinking

23. We could start a-dating.

24. Each other?

25. Well, don't say yes yet.

26. Let me a-woo you first,

27. And a-woo i will.

28. I'm going to woo you like no one's been wooed

29. Since the dawn of woodom.

30. Hit it, boys!

31. So the question is, sweet cheeks...

32. Will you go out with me?

33. No.

34. Steve, this is so sweet. I'm really touched.

35. You are?

36. Now get them out of here.

37. I don't want to know.

38. We got to step out the door.

39. Harriette, you know, you always do this!

40. This is some sadistic game, isn't it?

41. How long can we make carl wait for his din-din?

42. Well, carl wants his din-din now-now.

43. All righty.

44. Are you ready to go,

45. Or do you need more time to yell?

46. I don't understand what takes so long.

47. I've been home 20 minutes, and look at me—

48. Stunning!

49. You have been up there 11/2 hours and look—

50. Careful!

51. Sensational.

52. Carl, it takes me longer because i have to do my hair.

53. Oh!

54. Oh, like— like i don't have hair?

55. You said it, not me.

56. What? What—what—what?

57. You can't compare a woman with a full head of hair

58. To a man who...

59. Doesn't.

60. Are you saying, harriette, that i'm losing my hair?

61. Oh, it's not lost.

62. It's in the bottom of the sink.

63. Ha ha ha!

64. Ha ha ha!

65. Oh! Oh, that's so hilarious, harriette!

66. Maybe you should go down to mr. Chuckles comedy club.

67. Maybe it's open mike night.

68. Oh, come on, carl. Lighten up.

69. Well, i'm sorry.

70. I'm a little sensitive about my receding hairline.

71. Honey, relax.

72. Your hairline is not receding.

73. It's gone.

74. Oh man.

75. I forgot my lunch money.

76. Hey waldo, can you loan me five bucks? I'm a little short.

77. Hey you can borrow all you want

78. But it ain't gonna make you any taller.

79. Oh, ooh!

80. Hello, my sexy steven.

81. Myra, what are you doing here?

82. I couldn't bear the thought

83. Of you filling this hard body

84. With cafeteria swill.

85. Well, actually,

86. Mondays aren't so bad.

87. Today's special is "i can't believe it's not pork."

88. Heap it on. Heap it on.

89. No, no, no, no.

90. You come with me.

91. I've prepared a lovely picnic.

92. B-but...

93. Man, will you look at that?

94. A beautiful girl thinks steve urkel is sexy.

95. Wow!

96. First mom spots elvis at the car wash,

97. Now this.

98. Well, actually, i'm glad you're here, myra.

99. We really need to discuss our relationship,

100. And it seems to me— i smell olive loaf.

101. Layered with a playfully pungent gouda

102. On pumpernickel toast.

103. Oh, goody. Gouda!

104. I know.

105. And for dessert...

106. Not...

107. Prune hand dowdy!

108. Oh!

109. Myra, stop it, stop it.

110. We have to talk.

111. Certainly.

112. What's on that enormous mind of yours?

113. Well, it is enormous.

114. But i just can't live a lie, butter bottom.

115. I care for you deeply, myra,

116. But i'm in love with another woman—

117. Laura winslow.

118. Oh, steven, you're so cute when you're wrong.

119. Cheese?

120. What do you mean, i'm wrong?

121. Laura winslow has played you like a fiddle.

122. She's got you so mixed up

123. That you actually think you love her,

124. But you don't.

125. I don't?

126. No.

127. There's only one woman for you,

128. Steven q. Urkel,

129. And you're looking at her.

130. You melted my cheese.

131. So how's it going, barry?

132. Great. This toupee will really turn some heads.

133. You think?

134. Trust me,

135. People are going to notice carl winslow.

136. Hand me a mirror.

137. I'm dying to see what i look like.

138. Whoa!

139. Well, barry, i look like rick james.

140. Oh, yes, it's super freaky.

141. Here.

142. Try it with the hat.

143. Well, uh...

144. Well, now i look like rick james' chauffeur.

145. Yeah, that last shot was luck.

146. Dude, it's rick james!

147. No, it's not. It's my dad.

148. Wow! Your dad is rick james?

149. Uh, barry, this is my son edward

150. And his brilliant friend waldo.

151. Hey, cool bumper sticker on your van.

152. "i brake for baldies."

153. I really do.

154. Hey, mr. Winslow, my uncle aldo faldo went baldo.

155. He didn't want to cough up cash for a toup.

156. He achieved a hair-like effect with a pet.

157. A pet?

158. He trained a hamster to lie still on his head.

159. Carl, shall we try another toupee?

160. Oh, my head is in your hands.

161. Wig me, baby.

162. Hey, yo, dad, you look like al sharpton.

163. Ooh!

164. Is this seat taken?

165. Yes.

166. You're right.

167. Ha ha ha!

168. How are things with you and myra?

169. The little vixen is stuck on me

170. Like bicycle pants on delta burke.

171. Laura winslow, you brazen barracuda!

172. Here we go again.

173. I walk all the way over here

174. From my private school

175. To lunch with my honeybunch,

176. And what do i find upon my arrival?

177. You're seducing him with soggy fish sticks.

178. O.K., it's official.

179. I've died and gone to hell.

180. For the last time...

181. Steve urkel steams my broccoli.

182. Stay away, or you're going to get burned.

183. O.K., that's it.

184. I've had just about enough of you.

185. Uh-oh!

186. Oh, you have?

187. I've tried to be nice.

188. I've tried to be patient.

189. You don't respond to subtleties.

190. I'll have to come right out and say it.

191. You're a huge pain in the butt.

192. Huge pain...

193. Huge butt.

194. Ooh!

195. Say, anybody got a hankering for a brownie?

196. My treat.

197. Myra, i want an apology.

198. For what?

199. Just for being you.

200. Forget it.

201. Oh, i will, however, apologize

202. For the mashed potatoes in your hair.

203. What mashed potatoes?

204. Those mashed potatoes.

205. Sorry.

206. Apology accepted.

207. Now, i really must apologize

208. For the jell-o down your blouse.

209. Oh!

210. Ladies, ladies, this misuse of food

211. Is reprehensible.

212. Although i do find it strangely exhilarating.

213. Gee, laura, all this apologizing

214. Has probably made you very thirsty.

215. How about a nice cold milk shake on me?

216. Or better yet, on you.

217. Ooh, myra!

218. You look like you're ready for dessert.

219. Have a nice piece of cherry pie.

220. No, no, no.

221. Mmm!

222. A la mode.

223. No, stop, please. Oh!

224. Stop!

225. Now, that was over the line.

226. Ladies, please, not the...

227. Uh-oh.

228. Food fight!

229. Aah! Aah!

230. Hi-dee-hi-dee-ho!

231. Hi, steve.

232. Myra.

233. Thanks to you,

234. I've got cafeteria duty for the next two weeks.

235. I've been grounded for two weeks,

236. You cheeky man-stealer.

237. You here to cause trouble?

238. I won't back away from it.

239. Come on.

240. Ladies, ladies.

241. Ladies, please, ladies!

242. Stop it. Stop it, i say!

243. Now, this has gone far enough.

244. Now, look, this is

245. A bizarre and twisted problem.

246. It requires a bizarre and twisted solution.

247. Fortunately, that's my area of expertise.

248. You've got a plan?

249. Yes. I intend to resume dating myra.

250. Yes! Yes!

251. Nothing serious.

252. Just hand holding, pet names,

253. And occasional kissing.

254. Let's start now.

255. Put it in park, myra.

256. Now, look, i want everything out in the open.

257. So here's fair warning.

258. I intend to remain friends with laura,

259. And if she gives me the slightest inkling

260. That i can win her heart,

261. I'm gone, baby.

262. I understand. I accept those terms.

263. Hey, i'm thrilled.

264. Wunderbar.

265. Now, how's about you two lovelies

266. Bury the hatchet?

267. Come on, shake hands.

268. Them's me gals.

269. I think we're going to be good buddies.

270. Steve will never go back to you, laura.

271. Once he's been to tahiti,

272. Why would he settle for coney island?

273. I'm so happy for you, myra.

274. You know, it's always nice

275. To see a plump girl find a man.

276. Well, maybe not good buddies.

277. Let's go, steven.

278. You want to skip school today?

279. Oh!

280. And blemish my 11-year perfect attendance record?

281. We can neck.

282. O.K.

283. Carl, we're already 10 minutes late!

284. All right, just a second!

285. Aunt harriette, aunt harriette, the cubs won!

286. Great! Did you have a good time?

287. Fantastic!

288. Ryne sandberg hit a home run. Grandma caught it!

289. I don't want to brag,

290. But i didn't even spill my soda.

291. o.K., i'm ready!

292. Well...

293. What do you think?

294. Nice.

295. Handsome!

296. Weird.

297. He grew a full head of hair overnight.

298. Let's go fix supper.

299. How did he grow hair that fast?

300. Because he ate all his vegetables.

301. So, harriette, really...

302. What do you think?

303. Oh, it's fine. Just fine.

304. Really?

305. Really! Really fine.

306. I particularly like the profile, don't you?

307. Mm-hmm.

308. There it is... Hair... From the side.

309. Yeah.

310. Harriette?

311. Huh?

312. You don't like it, do you?

313. It's not that i don't like it.

314. I just have to get used to it.

315. Used to it? You make it sound like chronic back pain.

316. It took me by surprise.

317. I had no idea you wanted a toupee.

318. Well, i didn't. I did it for you.

319. Remember the other night you made fun of my hair?

320. Honey, i didn't mean it.

321. It was just a thoughtless joke.

322. You wouldn't have said it if you hadn't noticed.

323. Well, of course i noticed,

324. Just like i'm sure

325. You noticed i'm getting a little gray

326. And that i have these smile lines.

327. Listen, if you want to keep this toupee

328. Because it makes you feel better,

329. Then that's great,

330. But don't do it for me

331. Because i love you for who you are

332. Just the way you are. O.K.?

333. To tell you the truth,

334. I do feel kind of silly in this thing,

335. And it smells like aunt mary's sheepdog.

336. Let's go, handsome.

337. Right behind you, beautiful.

338. Stay!