Family Guy 3x1

Directed by Glen Hill

June Foray as Rocket J. Squirrel (voice) • Haley Joel Osment as Kid in bathroom (voice) • Leif Garrett as Self (voice) • Thomas Dekker as Kid in bathroom (voice) • Carlos Alazraqui as Mr. Jonathan Weed (voice) • Haley Joel Osment as Kid in Bathroom (voice) • Leif Garrett as Leif Garrett (voice) • Carlos Alazraqui as Jonathan Weed (voice)

Brian's keen sense of smell gets him a job with the police department.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. ( heavy sigh : I'M IN A RUT.

2. ME ANYMORE.

3. I MEAN, I CAN'T EVEN

4. TO GET OFF THE BED IN THE MORNING.

5. REALLY.

6. MY LIFE IS?

7. I-I'VE SEEN

8. 18 TIMES.

9. Hey, uh... hey, Leif.

10. It's been a while.

11. Too long, man.

12. I'm so sorry about everything, man.

13. Ready for a bombshell?

14. You saved my life that night.

15. But-but I was driving. I...

16. I was on a road to destruction, man.

17. The accident may have crippled me, but I'm alive, aren't I?

18. Ca... can we turn off the cameras, dude?

19. IT'S LIKE I'M...

20. I DON'T KNOW, TRAPPED IN MY OWN LIFE.

21. WELL, BRIAN, YOU MAY BE TOO INWARDLY FOCUSED.

22. THE NEEDS OF OTHERS FOR A CHANGE.

23. WHY DON'T YOU DO SOME VOLUNTEER WORK?

24. OH, THAT MAKES SENSE— VOLUNTEER WORK.

25. THANKS, BRUCE.

26. 13 MORE MINUTES.

27. OH, DO I? HMM.

28. I, UH, I NOTICE YOU GOT A NEW RECEPTIONIST.

29. NICE LITTLE BODY ON HER, HUH?

30. THAT'S MY DAUGHTER.

31. WELL, WE COULD PROBABLY CALL THIS AN EARLY DAY, HUH?

32. ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

33. A COMPANY PICNIC THIS SATURDAY.

34. HEY, DEREK, HOW YOU GETTING TO THE PICNIC?

35. I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T HAVE A RIDE.

36. HEY, JOHN, YOU GOT A TWO-SEATER, DON'T YOU?

37. HEY, DEREK, MAYBE YOU GO WITH JOHN, HUH? HUH?

38. FOR THE LAST TIME, I'M NOT GAY.

39. THANKS ANYWAY, PETER.

40. HEY, WE'LL GET HIM.

41. HERE, RIGHT THIS WAY.

42. WATCH YOUR STEP.

43. OKAY, THEY'RE... THEY'RE IN THE WOODS...

44. KEEPS ON MOVING...

45. UH, I THINK THEY'RE LOOKING FOR SOME WITCH OR SOMETHING.

46. I DON'T KNOW, I WASN'T LISTENING.

47. NOTHING'S HAPPENING...

48. NOTHING'S HAPPENING...

49. SOMETHING ABOUT A MAP...

50. NOTHING'S HAPPENING...

51. IT'S OVER.

52. IN THE AUDIENCE LOOK PISSED.

53. NOW, REMEMBER, CHRIS,

54. SO THAT OUR STEPS...

55. AW, THIS

56. DEAF GUY.

57. GO!

58. YOU'RE NEVER GONNA CATCH ME!

59. YOU'RE WASTING YOUR TIME.

60. FORGET ABOUT IT.

61. GO DO SOMETHING ELSE.

62. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!

63. KING ME.

64. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY ANYMORE.

65. THE PAIN.

66. I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS, BRIAN.

67. TO PULL THE PLUG.

68. WELL, I... I... I CAN'T! I...

69. BE MY ANGEL AND SET ME FREE.

70. PLEASE?

71. OH, MY GOD!

72. GOING TO DO IT!

73. I... BUT... YOU-YOU...

74. NURSE! THIS DOG IS TRYING TO KILL ME!

75. NURSE!

76. YOU ARE TWISTED, LADY. YOU HEAR ME?

77. IN THE HEAD.

78. A WEEK'S PAID VACATION.

79. DID YOU HEAR THAT?

80. OH, GOD, PLEASE LET IT BE FIGHTING.

81. BE LET IT BE A FIGHT CONTEST.

82. THESE ARE TRANQUILIZER DARTS.

83. TO TAKE DOWN ROBERT DOWNEY, JR.

84. YES, WELL... THE LAST ONE LEFT STANDING WINS.

85. LET THE GAME BEGIN!

86. ALL RIGHT! WHOO!

87. ALL RIGHT, PETER!

88. LIKE A WELSHMAN.

89. DOESN'T HE?

90. DOESN'T HE RUN LIKE A WELSHMAN?

91. HEY, THERE, BRIAN.

92. HI, JOE.

93. HEY, BONNIE MAKING CHICKEN MARSALA TONIGHT?

94. NO. SHE MADE THAT THREE NIGHTS AGO.

95. WOW, THAT'S SOME NOSE YOU'VE GOT.

96. YEAH, ONE TIME IT ALMOST GOT ME A SPOKESMAN DEAL.

97. "FOLLOW YOUR NOSE.

98. "FOLLOW YOUR NOSE.

99. FOLLOW YOUR NOSE."

100. OH, I'M SORRY.

101. NO, THAT WAS GOOD.

102. I JUST, I DIDN'T THINK YOU WERE GOING TO GO SO CARTOONY WITH IT.

103. WELL, HOW-HOW-HOW WOULD YOU READ IT?

104. OH, I DON'T KNOW.

105. YOU KNOW, GOOD, LIKE AN ACTOR.

106. BUT, YOU KNOW, YOUR WAY IS GOOD, TOO.

107. YOU KNOW, WE COULD USE

108. DOWN AT THE PRECINCT.

109. REALLY?

110. I GUESS IT'S JUST DOWN TO YOU AND ME, PETER.

111. WIN THAT PAID VACATION.

112. BUT I-I DON'T WANT

113. WHILE SHE'S IN THE BATHTUB.

114. PETER, ARE YOU OKAY?

115. MR. WEED, I THINK PETER NEEDS A DOC— OOH!

116. WE HAVE A WINNER.

117. HERE, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY, KITTY.

118. NO DRUGS...

119. SHE'S GOOD...

120. HE'S CLEAN.

121. WELL, LOOKS LIKE THAT'S IT, EXCEPT FOR THE FLIGHT CREW.

122. HEY, HEY, BRIAN.

123. WHAT'S WITH THE JOHNNY LAW ROUTINE?

124. TO OUR NEWEST NARC.

125. HE'S A NATURAL.

126. OH, YEAH? HOW-HOW GOOD ARE YOU?

127. YOU'RE BACK FROM MANILA.

128. FOR DINNER.

129. TO TWO FILIPINO WOMEN.

130. AND A MAN.

131. FILIPINO WOMEN.

132. NO!

133. WAIT A SECOND. GOT SOMETHING!

134. THE REAL DEAL, BOYS.

135. LET'S DO IT!

136. DON'T MOVE, DIRTBAG!

137. IT'S COKE!

138. YES! ALL RIGHT!

139. WE GOT HIM! THIS IS GREAT!

140. AH, THIS IS THE RUSH I BEEN LOOKING FOR.

141. GOOD WORK, BRIAN.

142. UH, YOU STILL GOT A LITTLE, UH...

143. OH! OH, THANKS.

144. SO, PETER, WHERE SHOULD WE GO FOR YOUR WEEK OFF?

145. WELL, I-I-I WAS THINKING

146. LIKE WE DID LAST YEAR?

147. THIS ISN'T BAD.

148. IT'S NOT THAT GOOD, BUT IT'S NOT THAT BAD.

149. IT'S SO-SO.

150. EH, MORE OR LESS.

151. HEY, HEY, BRIAN—

152. A SNAUSAGE?

153. CLEVER, PETER.

154. NIGHT WRITING THAT?

155. NO, I GOT TO BED AROUND 2:00, 2:30.

156. OF THAT COCAINE WOULD'VE BEEN?

157. UH, LET'S SEE— 4½ KILOS UNCUT NICARAGUAN.

158. UH, $1.7 MILL? THAT AREA?

159. UH, YEAH.

160. THAT'S... THAT'S... THAT'S RIGHT.

161. YOU GUYS! BRIAN'S FAMOUS!

162. YOU'RE A HERO!

163. WAY TO GO, PAL.

164. OH, COME ON. STOP IT, YOU GUYS.

165. IT'S NOTHING, REALLY.

166. OH, LOIS, YOUR TOAST IS READY.

167. WOW.

168. OH, MY! WELL!

169. UH, MEG'S USING A NEW CONDITIONER.

170. HE'S RIGHT!

171. HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?

172. THAT'S AMAZING.

173. AND IT'S TIME TO CHANGE STEWIE.

174. WELL, THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS.

175. I HAVEN'T— THERE IT IS.

176. HOORAY! ALL RIGHT.

177. STOP THE CAR!

178. OVER THERE.

179. EVERYBODY FREEZE! THIS IS A BUST!

180. UH, BRIAN, THIS IS A SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS.

181. THE HELL IT IS.

182. PURE BOGOTA BULLION.

183. THIS IS A DRUG RING.

184. BUT THESE ARE JUST KIDS.

185. WHAT'S YOUR NAME? ( deep voice : RICKY.

186. THEY'RE NOT KIDS, THEY'RE MIDGETS.

187. MIDGETS.

188. OH, MY GOD!

189. LOOK OUT, BRIAN!

190. NICE WORK, ROOKIE.

191. YOU'RE A CREDIT TO THE FORCE.

192. COP COMPLIMENT, BRIAN.

193. HA! THANKS.

194. AMAZING APPENDAGES.

195. WELL, I BETTER TAKE THIS COCAINE DOWN TO EVIDENCE.

196. OH, UH, HEY, I'LL-I'LL DO THAT.

197. UH, I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU GUYS AT THE PUB.

198. SO IT'S SETTLED.

199. WE'RE TAKING A CRUISE TO THE BAHAMAS.

200. AW, THIS IS GONNA BE GREAT. CRUISES ARE THE BEST.

201. AND LOOK, IT SAYS WE HAVE

202. PORT OR STARBOARD.

203. HA! LISTEN TO ME.

204. AN OLD SALT.

205. YES, THOUGH, I MUST SAY

206. I'VE ALWAYS DREAMED OF A LIFE AT SEA.

207. TO THE PARTY.

208. WOW, BRIAN, HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?

209. YOU'VE GOT TO TELL ME YOUR SECRET.

210. PUT DOWN THE FORK!

211. FACE!

212. SO, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

213. MY DAY? UN-FREAKIN'-BELIEVEABLE.

214. FIRST-FIRST, WE NAILED

215. STUFF IN HIS DAUGHTER'S DOLL.

216. HER DOLL, FOR GOD'S SAKE!

217. OH, WHERE'S THE LINE ANYMORE?

218. WELL, I GOT NEWS FOR YOU—

219. IT-IT-IT-IT'S NOT EVEN ON THE RADAR SCREEN!

220. AND VIRTUE ARE GONE, HONEY.

221. BAM! FREAKIN' EVAPORATED

222. LIKE A DINGY, STINKIN' MUD PUDDLE.

223. ONE-ONE DAY, YOU-YOU SEE

224. AND THE NEXT DAY, IT'S, UH, A...

225. IT'S, UH, IT'S A DAMN OIL SPOT

226. STARING BACK AT YOU,

227. "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!"

228. OF YOUR SOUL.

229. THAT'S HOW MY FREAKIN' DAY WAS.

230. YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVEN'T HAD IN A WHILE?

231. BIG LEAGUE CHEW.

232. SO, TAKE IT FROM ME, McGRIFFIN, THE DRUG DOG

233. IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET HIGH, IT'S AS EASY AS BEING YOURSELF.

234. WELL, KIDS, I'M GOING TO PASS THINGS OFF NOW TO...

235. GERALD, THE HAPPY AND ABSTINENT POLICE CLOWN.

236. HEY, KIDS, YOU KNOW WHY I'M HAPPY?

237. 'CAUSE I'M FREE OF "S...

238. "T...

239. Ds."

240. McGRIFFIN GUY WAS SO COOL.

241. TOTALLY. I'M NEVER DOING DRUGS NOW.

242. GOT MILK?

243. NOW, CHRIS,

244. A BASE TAN.

245. BUT, DAD, I HEARD

246. CALLED MELANOMA.

247. OH, THAT'S JUST FANCY TALK FOR "SEXIFIED." CLIMB IN.

248. HEY, WHAT KIND OF TANNING BOOTH IS THIS?

249. CAN'T YOU READ? THOSE AREN'T TANNING BOOTHS.

250. IS TIME MACHINES.

251. AW, CRAP, WHERE THE HELL IS HE?

252. HEY, DAD, I'M IN THE BIBLE DAYS

253. AND THERE'S A WHOLE STADIUM OF PEOPLE CLAPPING FOR ME.

254. OH, LOOK, MY VERY OWN LION.

255. OH, MY GOD!

256. HUH... MUST'VE GOT THE WRONG HEAD.

257. AND NOW, HERE'S SOMETHING WE HOPE YOU'LL REALLY LIKE.

258. WHOA, BRIAN, THERE'S NO SMOKING IN THE TERMINAL.

259. HEY, HEY, THERE'S WORSE THINGS THAN NICOTINE, PAL

260. AND I'M GOING TO FIND THEM.

261. AH, PATIENCE, LAD.

262. ST. PATRICK MORE THAN A DAY

263. ISLE OF SNAKES.

264. OH, CAN THE IRISH CRAP, WILL YOU, HOROWITZ?

265. OKAY.

266. OPEN IT!

267. AH, LET ME GO! HELP! HELP!

268. ALL RIGHT, WHERE'S THE STASH?

269. I'LL DO A FREAKING BODY CAVITY SEARCH, I SWEAR.

270. SIR, WE APOLOGIZE.

271. I THINK YOU HAVE A DRUG PROBLEM.

272. A DRUG PROBLEM?

273. WHAT'S THIS REALLY ABOUT, JEALOUSY?

274. YOUR THUNDER, JOE, IS THAT IT?

275. GIVE ME YOUR BADGE.

276. FINE! BY THE WAY, HOROWITZ

277. YOUR IMPRESSION OF HIM.

278. OH, WELL, NOT, I...

279. IT'S NOT AS GOOD AS, YOU KNOW, MY IRISH COP.

280. IT'S JUST A LITTLE THING I...

281. LOOK AT ME, I'M JOE.

282. MY LEGS DON'T WORK

283. BY HAVING A VERY STRONG UPPER BODY.

284. WELL, I DO SAY THAT.

285. OH, THE OLD MAN AND THE SEA.

286. I SEE YOU'RE GETTING IN THE MOOD FOR OUR CRUISE.

287. YEAH, STUPID FISHERMAN...

288. YAMMERING TO HIMSELF.

289. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I'M WATCHING HIM.

290. AH, SPLENDID. McCOKE FIEND IS HOME.

291. EVERYBODY, THIS IS TINA.

292. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

293. HEY, HOW ABOUT

294. SHUT THE HELL UP.

295. YOU KNOW, JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T FEEL YOUR TEETH

296. DOESN'T MEAN THE GIRL CAN'T FEEL YOUR INSULTS.

297. HELLO, I'M LOIS GRIFFIN.

298. WELCOME TO OUR HOME.

299. SO, WHAT? SHE'S, LIKE, YOUR MOM OR SOMETHING?

300. TINA, CAN I GET YOU

301. FROM UNDER YOUR NOSE?

302. HERE, BABY, I'LL SHOW YOU THE CHANNEL LOIS DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT.

303. BRIAN, WOULD YOU...? CHRIS, LOOK AWAY.

304. MEG, TAKE STEWIE UPSTAIRS.

305. WAIT, THAT MAN SEEMS

306. SNAKEBITE.

307. BRIAN, WOULD YOU PLEASE ASK YOUR NEW FRIEND TO LEAVE NOW.

308. OH, SORRY, THINGS GETTING

309. FOR THE STEPFORD WIFE?

310. QUASIMODO AND LUMPY.

311. ON THE LAWN.

312. OH, DO ME. DO ME NEXT!

313. COME ON, BABY GIRL, LET'S GO TO THE PARK.

314. HEY, DOC, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?

315. THEY'D LIKE TO SAY TO YOU.

316. "BRIAN, I KNOW I DON'T SPEAK UP MUCH

317. AND IT'S REALLY HARD FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS, BUT..."

318. WHY DON'T WE START WITH SOMEONE MORE INTERESTING? PETER?

319. "BRIAN, EVER SINCE YOUR ADDICTION, YOU'VE BEEN A JERK.

320. WHEN YOU WERE MY SIDEKICK."

321. AH, SO SHE HATED MY TIE

322. OUT OF 100% BUTTOFUOCO FIBER.

323. AH, YUP, YUP.

324. AH, YUP, YUP.

325. HEY, UH, BRIAN, HOW ABOUT A LITTLE TIE MUSIC.

326. ALL RIGHT, THERE IT IS— A LITTLE TIE MUSIC.

327. LOOK, YOU-YOU GUYS GOT IT ALL WRONG.

328. I-I-I...

329. OH, I'M SO SORRY, EVERYONE!

330. OH, GOD, I NEED HELP.

331. WELL, I GUESS NOW WE KNOW

332. A MELAN-COLLIE.

333. NOTHING?

334. OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

335. NO, I SHOULD'VE SAID... I SHOULD'VE SAID, "CHI-WAH-WAH."

336. I DON'T HAVE TO IMPRESS YOU.

337. LOOK, I'M NOT INSENSITIVE, LOIS

338. BUT I JUST DON'T SEE WHY WE GOT

339. JUST 'CAUSE THE DOG'S A COKEHEAD.

340. WE'RE NOT GOING ON VACATION WHILE BRIAN'S IN REHAB.

341. WE'LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT TILL NEXT YEAR.

342. OH, MAN.

343. I'LL MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

344. WHO WORKS AT CLUB MED.

345. HOLY CRAP! LOOK AT THIS PLACE!

346. IF HE HAD TO STOP DOING BLOW.

347. THEY HAVE TENNIS COURTS!

348. AND A FULL SPA!

349. WOW! NO WONDER PEOPLE DO DRUGS.

350. GOOD LUCK, BRIAN. I JUST KNOW YOU'RE GOING TO GET CLEAN.

351. HEH— IT SHOULDN'T BE

352. MINERAL BATHS AND JACUZZIS.

353. OH, I SEE,

354. AND EVERYONE WETS THEMSELVES.

355. I GIVE YOU GOLD AND I GET SQUAT.

356. I'LL BE IN THE CAR.

357. FIRST DAY, BRAIN.

358. IS TO FIND YOUR "X" FACTOR—

359. IN THE FIRST PLACE.

360. WELL, JUST HAVING

361. IS GOING TO DO WONDERS.

362. THANKS, DOCTOR.

363. WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

364. I'M ON VACATION

365. AND OH, IF ANYONE ASKS, I'M ALSO ON SMACK.

366. PETER, THIS... THIS IS A DETOX CLINIC.

367. YOU CAN'T VACATION HERE.

368. WHY NOT? THIS PLACE IS WAY BETTER THAN A CRUISE.

369. YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN IT.

370. I WHIPPED THIS SPEED FREAK'S ASS AT HORSESHOES TODAY.

371. PETER, THIS ISN'T A VACATION FOR ME.

372. FOR GOD'S SAKE, I'M TRYING TO GET HEALTHY.

373. YEAH, OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

374. HEY, SOFTBALL THIS AFTERNOON.

375. FROM ACROSS THE LAKE.

376. OKAY, COME ON, EVERYONE

377. OF RECOVERY.

378. OF THE WATER.

379. TEN MORE REPS.

380. OKAY, AND ONE, AND TWO, AND THREE.

381. OH!

382. YEAH! I'M ALSO ADDICTED TO BOOBIES.

383. FOR YOUR CUPCAKE.

384. WHAT? IT WAS JUST CARPET FRESH. I'M ON YOUR SIDE.

385. I'M BEEN OBSERVING

386. AND I DON'T THINK YOU'RE AN ADDICT.

387. I THINK YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

388. WELL, I DON'T PAY YOU TO THINK, HOT LIPS.

389. IN FACT, I DON'T PAY YOU AT ALL.

390. COUNT IT.

391. I'LL BE KEEPING MY EYE ON YOU.

392. WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

393. UH, MY-MY NAME?

394. UH...

395. UH...

396. UH, UH... "P..."

397. UH, UH...

398. UH... TEAR...

399. UH...

400. UH... GRIFFIN.

401. YEAH, YEAH, PETER GRIFFIN.

402. AW, CRAP.

403. HEY, BRIAN, I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU.

404. HEY, YOU WANT TO GO MESS

405. ACROSS THE LAKE?

406. I-I CAN'T. GROUP THERAPY, 2:00.

407. OH, MAN, I PEEKED IN ON ONE OF THOSE.

408. FOR GEORGE HARRISON.

409. HEY! HEY! QUIET DOWN UP THERE!

410. YOU WACKY BEATLE.

411. WELL, I-I... I HAVE BEEN MAKING A LOT OF PROGRESS LATELY.

412. I GUESS MISSING ONE SESSION WOULDN'T BE THE END OF THE WORLD.

413. THERE YOU GO.

414. HEY, WHAT DO YOU THINK THEY PUT IN THE BUG JUICE?

415. BUGS.

416. NO, THEY DON'T. COME ON.

417. SHUT UP.

418. I HOPE YOU'RE PROUD

419. 14 PREMATURE BIRTHS.

420. SORRY, DOC, I DON'T USUALLY LET PETER

421. THIS KIND OF STUFF.

422. WAIT A MINUTE. BRAIN, YOU HAVE

423. WITH THIS DEGENERATE?

424. A DEGENERATE, AM I?

425. WELL, YOU ARE A FASTIZIO.

426. SEE? I CAN MAKE UP WORDS, TOO, SISTER.

427. WELL, I THINK WE'VE FOUND YOUR "X" FACTOR.

428. WHAT, DO YOU MEAN PETER?

429. AND SENSITIVITY...

430. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HEY, I MADE MY OWN MISTAKES, ALL RIGHT?

431. AND HE TREATED ME LIKE FAMILY.

432. HE'S MY BEST FRIEND.

433. YES, AND LOOK WHERE YOU'VE ENDED UP.

434. YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK MY THERAPY HERE IS COMPLETE.

435. AND I DID, SO GOOD-BYE.

436. BRIAN, IT'S MOMENTS LIKE THIS

437. THAT MAKE ME SAD YOU'RE GOING TO DIE 50 YEARS BEFORE I DO.

438. I AM SERIOUS, LOIS, YOU COULD BE IN SHOW BUSINESS.

439. HEY, MEG, 18 YET?

440. NO.

441. HEY, CHRIS, HOW ARE YOU?

442. WELL, I'M GLAD...

443. ALL RIGHT.

444. BRIAN, I FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY.

445. IF IT WASN'T FOR ME, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THAT JUNK.

446. HEY, JOE, IF I'VE LEARNED

447. IT'S THAT WE'RE ALL RESPONSIBLE

448. AND THAT'S WHY I'M LEAVING.

449. LEAVING? YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

450. I HAVE TO, PETER, FOR ME.

451. I LOVE YOU ALL.

452. SOMETHING.

453. BRAIN, WAIT!

454. HOLD-HOLD ON A SECOND.

455. AIRPORT, PLEASE.