1. Aw, man, I've been dying
to see Maniac Pope 2.
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2. The first one
was awesome.
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3. Is this one
of those theaters
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4. where they bring your beef stew
right to your seat?
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5. What? That's
not a thing.
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6. Sure is.
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7. Don't get mad at me 'cause
you don't know nothing fancy.
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8. I feel like I'm
being watched.
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9. Of course
you are, silly.
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10. The Lord is always
watching us.
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11. May the sword
be with you.
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12. And also with you!
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13. Geez, this movie sucks.
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14. I know,
it's terrible.
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15. Excuse me,
who had the stroganoff
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16. with the roasted
potatoes?
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17. Right here.
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18. Thank you for seeing me,
Your Excellency.
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19. Of course.
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20. What did you say your
name was, my child?
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21. Lucy.
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22. You've been "Lucified."
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23. That was awful.
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24. I know, they just redid
all the same stuff
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25. from the first
Maniac Pope.
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26. Yeah, like in the first
Maniac Pope,
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27. he says to Bruce,
"You've been Brucified."
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28. Like, that's
smart, right?
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29. That's a smart line.
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30. But he did the same thing
twice in this movie.
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31. Once to Lucy and once earlier
when he found that wild goose.
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32. It's just
bad writing.
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33. Yeah, I mean, we could write
a better horror movie than t Th.
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34. Really? You
think we could?
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35. Absolutely, I'm as creative as
the first spider to spin a web.
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36. Hey, you know how
we always dreamed
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37. about having a house
that comes out of our butts?
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38. Uh, what?
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39. Eh?
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40. Yeah.
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41. Butt-house.
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42. I found your cigarettes.
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43. That's all I'm gonna say.
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44. Morning, everybody.
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45. And the crisis
continues.
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46. What, these?
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47. Come on.
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48. Last thing I want
is attention.
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49. It's just that when you've
read as many books as I have,
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50. it-it takes a toll,
you know?
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51. You sure it's not
from watching
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52. too much close-up
porn on your phone?
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53. You know,
I wouldn't be surprised
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54. if they have that now.
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55. Brian, what do you
want for breakfast?
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56. Uh, hold on.
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57. What do I want?
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58. You're so full of it.
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59. You don't need
those things.
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60. Wait, who said that?
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61. Oh, Stewie.
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62. You are just horrible.
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63. You're even worse
than those people
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64. who take dumps
in the shower.
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65. What?
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66. W-Why are you cutting to me?
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67. What did somebody say?
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68. Whatever they said I do,
I don't do.
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69. All right, I got a
horror movie idea.
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70. It's called
Cereal Killer.
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71. A serial killer who only
kills people who eat cereal.
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72. Wait, what... what if God
is a serial killer?
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73. He lowers the average lifespan
of humans to 65,
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74. but there are many exceptions
based on genetics and diet.
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75. That's stupid— I ain't never
heard of somebody lived to 65.
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76. Look, I think the problem is
this is a bar.
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77. We can't get
inspired here.
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78. We have to go someplace
scary, you know?
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79. To put us in the mood.
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80. I got it: the old Quahog Asylum.
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81. What?
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82. We can't go there.
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83. That place has been
abandoned for years.
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84. And they say it's haunted
by a ghost with a hook-hand.
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85. That's why it's
the perfect place.
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86. If we want to write
a scary movie,
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87. we need to do it
somewhere scary.
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88. Well, I guess
we could try it.
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89. We have sort of just been
spinning our wheels here.
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90. No offense, Joe.
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91. I guess
Cleveland's right.
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92. So far, this has been
a bigger waste of time
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93. than an acceptance speech
at the Asperger's Awards.
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94. I'd like to thank
everyone I've ever met,
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95. in the order that I met them,
last name first,
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96. and if anyone interrupts me,
I'll have to start over.
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97. This place
is terrible.
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98. Are you kidding?
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99. It's the perfect place
to write a horror movie.
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100. All right, well,
I got an idea.
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101. You know, I like
them horror movies
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102. where you got a couple
of teenagers getting busy
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103. in their car
at Makeout Point,
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104. but there's a killer
on the loose.
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105. He Stacy, what do you say
we go all the way tonight?
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106. And then I unload
on the sun visors.
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107. Is that all
you ever think about?
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108. And besides, Richie,
aren't you worried
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109. about what the man on the radio
is saying right now?
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110. Another dead teenage couple
was found at Makeout Point,
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111. clawed beyond recognition.
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112. You see?
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113. There's a dangerous
creature out there.
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114. Oh, what, you mean the
big, rabid, slobbery cat
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115. what's been scratching
people to death?
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116. I don't believe
it exists, Stacy.
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117. Now, help me get the right
angle and lower the visor.
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118. Richie,
did you hear that?
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119. Will you calm down?
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120. We're the only
ones out here...
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121. Rrrawwwr!
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122. Oh, my God!
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123. Wait, you were the guy
and the cat?
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124. And what's with
that visor stuff?
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125. Did Richie achieve
release?
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126. Okay, of the three
of you,
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127. Cleveland's the only one
who gets it.
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128. That's an awful idea.
Well, I got one.
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129. We should write one
of them zombie movies
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130. where a guy wakes up in a
comfortable cotton hospital gown
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131. with the back open so there's
a nice breeze on your behind,
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132. and he's like, "This ain't bad."
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133. But then he notices
the hospital's empty.
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134. Nurse, I'm ready
for my sponge bath.
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135. Hmm.
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136. What happened to this place?
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137. Everybody up and gone.
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138. Hmm, that's annoying.
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139. Maybe it's a loose filament.
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140. Nope, that's a busted bulb.
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141. These are all 145s.
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142. I need a 180.
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143. Well, now, maybe I did
need a 145.
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144. There we go.
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145. Damn it, I guess
it's a wiring issue.
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146. That's it?
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147. What the hell? When do
the zombies show up?
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148. That's the thing.
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149. Their shuttle was late.
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150. I-I don't know,
I-I was thinking
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151. we'd write a movie
where something
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152. that's not supposed
to be scary becomes scary.
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153. Like an evil doll.
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154. Yeah, or-or like an
evil bar of soap.
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155. Peter, I don't think
that's such a good id...
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156. Too late.
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157. Oh, yeah, that's nice.
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158. Time to wash my body
with this harmless bar of soap.
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159. Hey, Ambassador Mumbasa,
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160. are you enjoying
that new soap I bought you
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161. from that mysterious Chinese man
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162. whose store was weirdly
not there the next day?
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163. Ambassador Mumbasa?
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164. Oh, my God, Ambassador Mumbasa!
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165. Ambassador Mumbasa?
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166. Assistant Ambassador Armstrong?
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167. Everything okay up there
with the bath?
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168. I wonder if everything's okay
up at the old embassy.
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169. All right, maybe coming here
wasn't such a great idea.
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170. Is anybody else getting
a little freaked out
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171. by all these
scary stories?
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172. Yeah, even my
spine is tingling.
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173. You guys, I'm scared.
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174. You remember
that movie, The Blob?
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175. What if the Blob?
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176. Let's get out of here.
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177. Aw, damn it, it's locked!
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178. Oh, my God, somebody
must have locked us in.
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179. We're gonna
die in here!
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180. Sorry, guys,
somebody e-mailed me a video
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181. of a sheep screaming.
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182. It was him.
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183. It was the hook-handed killer.
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184. He locked us in!
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185. All the windows
have bars on 'em.
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186. I think the only way out of here
is through this duct system.
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187. Guys, do the words
"dead by dawn" scrawled
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188. in feces over there
mean we're in trouble?
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189. Did you do it?
I did.
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190. Then no.
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191. Still sticking with
the glasses, huh?
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192. What? Oh, right.
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193. Right,
I have glasses.
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194. They're such a part of me now,
I-I forgot all about 'em.
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195. You're gross.
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196. You know, it's funny,
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197. I-I've gotten an awful
lot of writing done
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198. You're a writer?
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199. I-I like to consider
myself an observer.
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200. You have nice
breasts, for instance.
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201. You want to join me?
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202. Guy with glasses
can't be all bad.
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203. Thanks.
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204. Boy, it's loud
in here, huh?
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205. Wh-When they said "Professor
Griffin," I barely heard them.
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206. That's it, I'm putting
an end to this.
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207. I'm gonna destroy those glasses
if it's the last thing I do.
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208. You should
really check out
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209. the Thanksgiving jazz
CD they sell here.
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210. Where the hell are we?
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211. I heard something.
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212. Is... is someone else here?
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213. Oh, my God,
it's Hook-hand!
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214. He's coming for us!
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215. Damn it, why can't
I get any reception?
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216. Because we're in a basement
in the middle of nowhere.
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217. Besides,
if cell phones worked,
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218. every movie would be
two minutes long.
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219. Like An Affair
to Remember.
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220. Darling, I was running
to the Empire State Building
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221. to see you,
but I got hit by a car.
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222. No wonder you were late.
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223. I'll be right down.
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224. Are you okay?
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225. I think I may be paralyzed.
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226. I'm sorry, there's nobody here
by that name.
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227. Wow, Stewie, thanks for
taking me to the spa.
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228. Hey, you deserve
it, buddy.
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229. So just relax, take
your glasses off,
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230. take a nice,
dry sauna—
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231. no glasses in
the sauna—
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232. just leave those
puppies in the locker.
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233. They'll be safe
out here.
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234. Sounds good.
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235. Come on, Chris.
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236. Don't let me down.
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237. Don't worry, Stewie.
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238. Chris!
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239. What are you
doing in here?
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240. I did it.
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241. I locked us in the sauna!
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242. You what?
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243. Yep, it's all set.
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244. It's turned up high,
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245. and nobody is coming
for the whole weekend.
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246. Boy, you guys sure
look steamed.
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247. This Family Guy joke was
written by Jimmy Sullivan,
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248. age nine, of Decatur, Georgia.
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249. Thanks, Jimmy!
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250. And we'll pass along your
gross request to Mila Kunis.
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251. Those footsteps
are getting closer.
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252. Those aren't footsteps.
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253. It's an old building.
Just relax.
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254. Besides, I can see an exit door
right there.
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255. Where?
Right there.
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256. Behind that guy with the hook—
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257. Everybody run!
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258. Wait a minute.
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259. There's four of us,
and one of him.
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260. Yeah, let's
get him!
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261. Son of a bitch!
Take that!
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262. Die, Hook-hand!
You won't kill us!
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263. Um, Hook-hand's name is Albert,
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264. and he's dressed like a janitor.
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265. I've been...
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266. trying to help you.
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267. I'm the caretaker here.
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268. Wait, you work here?
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269. But you have
a hook hand.
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270. I was a soldier.
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271. I lost my hand
saving six men in Korea.
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272. Oh, God, he's
a war hero.
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273. He's dead.
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274. What have we done?
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275. We killed
an innocent man.
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276. Well, if this doesn't justify
a McFlurry, nothing does.
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277. Oh, my God,
we killed an innocent man.
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278. We-we've got
to report this!
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279. We gotta turn
ourselves in!
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280. No way.
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281. If we do that,
we'll all go to jail.
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282. And I'm a cop.
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283. Do you know what they
do to cops in jail?
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284. Hey, man?
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285. When you were
a cop, did they—
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286. did they let you
use the siren?
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287. Yeah, it's part
of the job.
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288. That's so cool!
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289. Hey, hey, when
you were a cop,
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290. when you were going
to a crime scene,
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291. did you go "chung Chung,"
like Law & Order?
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292. No, that would be
very unprofessional.
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293. All right,
all right.
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294. Oh, hey, check it out,
man, when you were a cop,
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295. did you ever, you know,
use your handcuffs
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296. when you were getting
kinky with your girl?
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297. No, it's city property,
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298. so you're not really
supposed to take those home.
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299. Oh, for sure, for sure.
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300. Oh, hey, by the way,
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301. a bunch of us are gonna kill
you in the shower later.
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302. Okay, so we're all on
the same page, right?
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303. We bury the body,
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304. we never speak
of this again.
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305. Deal. - Got it.
Yup.
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306. Wow, that was exhausting.
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307. Wait a minute, is-is that—
is that his car?
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308. Aw, crap, it's still alive!
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309. It does not feel
like a Wednesday.
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310. Peter, I'm glad
you're up.
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311. I need to talk to you
about something.
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312. I know what you did
last night.
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313. You do?
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314. How could you do
something so heinous?
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315. Last night,
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316. you left your dirty dishes
in the sink.
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317. It's disgusting.
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318. So I did half, and I left
the other half for you.
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319. Ah, forget it.
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320. You'll just do it wrong.
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321. I'll wash 'em myself.
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322. Why don't you just go
in the other room and relax?
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323. I'll call you
when breakfast is ready.
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324. Okay.
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325. Oh, my God, Peter,
come look at the newspaper!
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326. "Janitor dead."
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327. What? No!
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328. Right here.
My college roommate, Jan Itter.
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329. She passed away yesterday.
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330. Are-are we really
doin' this?
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331. 'Cause I didn't get, like,
any sleep last night.
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332. What are you
freaking out about?
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333. You didn't even know her.
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334. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
y-you're right, you're right.
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335. You and the guys
killed and buried a man?
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336. Ah, I knew
you'd find out!
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337. Find out what?
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338. I just got
David Sedaris' new book,
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339. You and the Guys Killed
and Buried a Man.
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340. Okay, I am
really on edge
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341. and this thing we're doin',
I'm not happy about it,
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342. and that's a very odd title
for a humorist's book.
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343. Peter, you're acting
very weird.
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344. Just go in
the other room.
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345. I don't want to go
in the other room,
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346. I want to stay here and
see what you're seeing,
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347. because you're saying
things that I think are
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348. somethin' totally different
than what they are.
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349. Peter, you're gonna
have a heart attack.
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350. I won't say anything,
I'll let you relax.
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351. "They found a body
of a war hero
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352. down by the old asylum!"
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353. Okay, that has to be something.
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354. Oh, sorry, Peter,
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355. I'm just singing along with
this old John Mellencamp song.
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356. I don't remember
this one.
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357. Guess it's never been
in a car commercial.
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358. Oh, yeah, no,
I know this one.
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359. Hey, Bri?
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360. Yeah? Aah!
Damn it! Aah!
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361. There's glass in my eye!
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362. Oh! Son of a bitch!
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363. Aah!
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364. Mom says dinner's at 6:00.
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365. She wanted me to tell people,
I don't know why.
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366. Guys, I'm kind of freaking out
about killing that guy.
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367. Anybody else have
a hard time sleeping?
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368. No, but there's an old
John Mellencamp song
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369. you're not gonna
believe.
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370. Wait, w-what's
all this stuff
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371. about you guys
killing someone?
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372. Last night,
at the asylum.
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373. We killed
that war hero.
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374. Whoa, whoa, what?
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375. You-you really
killed someone?
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376. Holy moly, I don't think
I want to hear this.
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377. Quagmire, you were
there with us.
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378. You're so weird.
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379. Last night, I was
in St. Louis.
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380. I even have
a picture.
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381. See that?
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382. That's yesterday's date
on that newspaper.
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383. On The Quahog Informant?
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384. They sell The Quahog
Informant in St. Louis?
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385. Well, probably, but good
luck with that whole
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386. "you three and not me
killed a guy" thing.
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387. Damn it, that bastard
is bailing on us.
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388. He's a worse accomplice
than Johnny Wind Chimes.
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389. Hey! Shh!
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390. Sorry!
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391. It's my chimes.
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392. I hate to frame you like this,
Quagmire, but I gotta.
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393. I can't go to jail!
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394. They'll razz me good
on account of my belly.
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395. Cleveland?
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396. What are you
doing here?
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397. What are you
both doing here?
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398. Joe?
What the hell?
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399. You backstabbers.
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400. What the hell's
going on?
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401. I'll tell you
what's going on.
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402. Cleveland's tryin' to frame me.
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403. He's got my miniature
portraits of cool guys.
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404. Peter, those are baseball cards.
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405. Whatever. He's using it
to frame me for murder!
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406. Well, I'm not
the only one.
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407. Joe's got my Sports Illustrated
football phone.
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408. He was using this
as his main phone.
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409. It is a mess over there.
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410. Look at all
you pathetic people,
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411. bringing stuff
to frame each other.
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412. You're supposed
to be friends.
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413. Hey, that's
my shovel!
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414. Damn right!
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415. That's how smart I am,
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416. I only had to bring one thing!
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417. This way I can dig the hole
and just throw this in!
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418. But once you throw
it in there,
Copy !req
419. how you gonna get
the dirt back on top?
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420. Give me your shovel!
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421. You're gonna have
to kill me first!
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422. Not with my shovel!
That's brand-new!
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423. Give me back
my rattle-y plastic phone!
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424. Wait, wait, wait, guys! Guys!
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425. What?
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426. Don't you see?
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427. This!
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428. This is our horror movie!
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429. It doesn't feel
like a Wednesday.
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430. Boy, that sucked.
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431. Yeah, I guess writing a movie
Copy !req
432. isn't as easy as Joseph
Gordon-Levitt makes it look.
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433. Hey, at least
we gave it a shot.
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434. I just feel bad
we killed an innocent man.
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435. Well, don't feel too bad.
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436. Look at that!
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437. Oh, my God!
Copy !req
438. Wow, that's a relief!
Copy !req
439. We may have actually made
this town a better place.
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440. Yeah, what a monster.
Copy !req
441. But at least now
he's gone forever.
Copy !req