1. Boy, what a great day
for a baseball game.Copy !req
2. Yeah, and these
are the best seatsCopy !req
3. in the house
for catching home run balls.Copy !req
4. Aw, that'd be sweet.Copy !req
5. The only souvenir I ever got was
at that stock car race.Copy !req
6. All right,
I got the guy!Copy !req
7. I got the guy.Copy !req
8. Man, I hate
the Yankees.Copy !req
9. Yeah! You are all villains
to meCopy !req
10. because I happen to live in this
region of the country. Yeah!Copy !req
11. What's going on?
Did I miss something?Copy !req
12. Nah, just some idiot streaking
across the field.Copy !req
13. Ha ha. You're all looking
at my penis.Copy !req
14. You didn't plan on it,
but it's happening.Copy !req
15. Oh, cool. Two
spots opened up.Copy !req
16. You, uh— y-you go ahead.Copy !req
17. I can wait. I might—
I might wait for a stall.Copy !req
18. Oh, come on, Peter.Copy !req
19. We're missing the game.Copy !req
20. Hey. Hi.Copy !req
21. Hey.Copy !req
22. Damn it.
He already started.Copy !req
23. If I don't start peeing soon,
it's gonna be weird.Copy !req
24. He'll be all done,
and I'll still be here.Copy !req
25. Come on, Peter. Pee.Copy !req
26. Your dad fought
in World War II,Copy !req
27. and you can't even pee
in a urinal?Copy !req
28. What the hell's
wrong with you?Copy !req
29. All set?
Yup.Copy !req
30. I know you didn't go.Copy !req
31. I'm'a go pee
in a stairwell.Copy !req
32. Now batting
for the Red Sox,Copy !req
33. number 34, David Ortiz.Copy !req
34. Come on, Big Papi!Copy !req
35. It's coming straight for us!Copy !req
36. I got it, I got it!Copy !req
37. Mine! I got it!
It's my ballCopy !req
38. Damn it, Brian!
That came to me!Copy !req
39. That's my ball!Copy !req
40. What?Copy !req
41. Holy crap!Copy !req
42. Wow, I guess
all this time,Copy !req
43. Quagmire should've
been saying "wiggity."Copy !req
44. Ha!
No, but he's
our friend.Copy !req
45. And now it's timeCopy !req
46. for
the Channel Five Sports ReportCopy !req
47. brought to you by Kia.Copy !req
48. Too bad it's a Kia.Copy !req
49. A big day at Fenway today,Copy !req
50. as the Red Sox bested
the Yankees seven to six.Copy !req
51. But what really
has everyone talkingCopy !req
52. is the fan who lost his toupee
at the game.Copy !req
53. The hilarious video already hasCopy !req
54. over two million views
on YouTube.Copy !req
55. Comments ranged from sympathy
all the way to racial slursCopy !req
56. directed at others
who chose to comment.Copy !req
57. Great, I'm a
laughingstock.Copy !req
58. What do I do?Copy !req
59. Come on, Quagmire.
It's not so bad.Copy !req
60. You could kill yourself.Copy !req
61. Well, it's just a thought,Copy !req
62. but have you ever considered
just embracing your baldness?Copy !req
63. Yeah, Brian's right.Copy !req
64. You know, there's lots of
big Hollywood celebritiesCopy !req
65. who have gone bald with dignity.Copy !req
66. John Travolta, David Spade,
Nicolas Cage, Jeremy Piven...Copy !req
67. And besides,
don't you thinkCopy !req
68. you'll be happier just
being who you really are?Copy !req
69. Maybe you're
right. What the hell.Copy !req
70. I mean, wh-what other choice do
I have at this point?Copy !req
71. Everybody knows
now anyway.Copy !req
72. Great.
Trust me.Copy !req
73. Nobody's gonna give
you a hard time.Copy !req
74. And even if they do,
just ignore them.Copy !req
75. That's what I do
with that weekend bully.Copy !req
76. Hey, your weekend sucks!Copy !req
77. I've already
gone on a hikeCopy !req
78. and fixed a few things
around my house!Copy !req
79. What are you doing?Copy !req
80. Peter, who is that man?Copy !req
81. I don't want to talk
about it.Copy !req
82. Dad, there's a weird bald guy
out in front of our house.Copy !req
83. Ah, that's just Quagmire.Copy !req
84. He's acting all different
now that he's bald.Copy !req
85. I'll go talk to him.Copy !req
86. Hey, slow down!Copy !req
87. Drive like hell,
you'll get there!Copy !req
88. Quagmire, what the
hell are you doing?Copy !req
89. I'm just letting
all these hot-rodders knowCopy !req
90. that this is a neighborhood,
not a speedway track.Copy !req
91. Too fast, too fast!Copy !req
92. Our children should not have
to live in fear!Copy !req
93. Okay, well, how come
you're not doing thisCopy !req
94. in front of your own house?Copy !req
95. Oh, my ham radio interferes
with the radar gun.Copy !req
96. Talked to a fella in Papua
New Guinea last night.Copy !req
97. You should come by sometime
and join in the fun.Copy !req
98. Hello?Copy !req
99. H-Hello?Copy !req
100. Are you bald?Copy !req
101. Yeah.Copy !req
102. Can I help you?Copy !req
103. Well, I hope you can, Sharon.Copy !req
104. I'd just like to return this
VHS copy of Pete's Dragon.Copy !req
105. Watched, enjoyed
and rewound.Copy !req
106. Uh, there are a lot
of people waiting.Copy !req
107. Is there anything else?Copy !req
108. Uh, yes. Do you have
a garbage can back there?Copy !req
109. I have the backings
to some Fruit Roll-Ups
I need to discard.Copy !req
110. I'm sorry. That's for
library trash only.Copy !req
111. I understand.
That's okay.Copy !req
112. I'll just hold on to these
for the rest of the day.Copy !req
113. It ain't easy
bein' green, huh?Copy !req
114. That's from a song.Copy !req
115. Is that all?Copy !req
116. Yeah. Is there
an age restrictionCopy !req
117. for the sleight-of-hand
magic show this afternoon?Copy !req
118. Twelve.
Ooh.Copy !req
119. Maybe I'll just stand
in the hallway and look in.Copy !req
120. Now, we all saw you put
your card back in the deck.Copy !req
121. So, how did it end up...
in your shirt pocket?Copy !req
122. Oh, my God,
how did he
do that?Copy !req
123. Oh, no, there's Quagmire.Copy !req
124. He's been so
weird lately.Copy !req
125. You notice now
that he's bald,Copy !req
126. whenever he thinks
about something, he
scratches his wrist?Copy !req
127. Hey, Quagmire,
we got a pitcher.Copy !req
128. You want a beer?Copy !req
129. Ehh, I don't think so.Copy !req
130. I was planning on looking
at pictures of birds later,Copy !req
131. and I don't want to be all
fuzzy-headed for that.Copy !req
132. Listen, Quagmire,
we hate you now.Copy !req
133. Yeah, you used to be fun.Copy !req
134. Yeah, now you're always either
preparing for a colonoscopyCopy !req
135. or just coming back
from a colonoscopy.Copy !req
136. The going on
down there?Copy !req
137. Well, that's what we're
trying to figure out.Copy !req
138. Come on, we want
our buddy back.Copy !req
139. I'm not putting that
toupee on again, Peter.Copy !req
140. So... I-I'm not sure
what you want me to do.Copy !req
141. You could get
a hair transplant.Copy !req
142. Oh, yeah. Like one of
those guys pretending
to get out of the pool.Copy !req
143. That looks all right.Copy !req
144. Yeah, come on, Quagmire.
Get the hair transplant.Copy !req
145. Come back to us.Copy !req
146. You're right.
This isn't me.Copy !req
147. Baldness is for women's
crotches, not men's heads.Copy !req
148. There you go,
that's pretty gross.Copy !req
149. Yeah, that's the spirit,
Quagmire.Copy !req
150. Oh, boy, listen, thanks
for putting up with meCopy !req
151. the last couple weeks.
Hey, no problem.Copy !req
152. You put up with me
when I was barefoot guy.Copy !req
153. Boy, nothing like a beer
with the fellas, eh?Copy !req
154. Peter, would you mind
putting on some shoes?Copy !req
155. Oh, you mean
foot prisons?Copy !req
156. Yes, I would.Copy !req
157. Glenn Quagmire?Copy !req
158. Why does that name
sound familiar?Copy !req
159. Oh, yeah, I treated
you for butt flu.Copy !req
160. Hey, you want
to keep it down?Copy !req
161. Easy now. That's
my privilegeCopy !req
162. as a doctor to talk
about that stuff.Copy !req
163. How's it going,
Dr. Kamada?Copy !req
164. Bob!Copy !req
165. Mattaaayy.Copy !req
166. Oh, hiya, Rachael.Copy !req
167. Oh, hey, Dr. Geller.Copy !req
168. Sarah.Copy !req
169. Jim.Copy !req
170. Merianna.Copy !req
171. Geez, Joe.Copy !req
172. Yeah, I come here a lot.Copy !req
173. All right, I'm gonna
hit the john.Copy !req
174. Good. Me and Joe can stay here
and tell secrets.Copy !req
175. I'm wearing my dead
grandmother's panties.Copy !req
176. I'm sorry
to have to tell you this,Copy !req
177. Mr. Pewterschmidt,
but the cancer is terminal.Copy !req
178. If you're lucky,
you've got two weeks to live.Copy !req
179. I understand.Copy !req
180. Oh, my God!Copy !req
181. Carter's dying?Copy !req
182. I now declare this
hair transplant
officially over!Copy !req
183. Hey, hey, hey!Copy !req
184. He's back!Copy !req
185. You look great,
Quagmire.Copy !req
186. Oh, my God.
One of my patients
on Two has been shot.Copy !req
187. Hey, Stewie.Copy !req
188. Um, hey, what's up?Copy !req
189. Were you— were you just
looking at Rollerblades?Copy !req
190. What? No.
Yeah, who cares?Copy !req
191. What do you want?Copy !req
192. Listen, I was at the hospital
earlier,Copy !req
193. and I heard something
I wish I hadn't.Copy !req
194. Oh, please do not tell me
it was a sexist remark,Copy !req
195. because... because
that is not okay.Copy !req
196. You know, those nurses
are busting their asses,Copy !req
197. weighing people and
seeing how tall they are.Copy !req
198. Stewie, I heard a doctor tell
Carter he has two weeks to live.Copy !req
199. What? Are you sure?Copy !req
200. I saw it with my own eyes.Copy !req
201. I gotta check this out.Copy !req
202. Oh, my God, you're right!Copy !req
203. He looks awful.Copy !req
204. Wait, how are
we seeing this?Copy !req
205. Oh, I've got a nanny cam
hidden inside his house.Copy !req
206. Watching him nail his
cleaning woman is how
I'm learning Spanish.Copy !req
207. Although I'm not sure what
the Spanish word "no" means,Copy !req
208. because it doesn't seem to mean
the same thing as it does here.Copy !req
209. And the worst part is, I don't
think Lois even knows he's sick.Copy !req
210. Oh, this is going
to destroy her!Copy !req
211. Oh, just thinking about
it makes me all giddy.Copy !req
212. Like a group of women
ordering dessert.Copy !req
213. And then we
have a chocolate,
chocolate cakeCopy !req
214. that's infused
with chocolate served
with chocolate ice creamCopy !req
215. and a molten
chocolate topping.Copy !req
216. We'll have one of those
with four spoons.Copy !req
217. More like four of those
with one spoon for me!Copy !req
218. Oh, hi, Brian.Copy !req
219. Hey, Lois.Copy !req
220. Listen, I have something
I need to tell you, but...Copy !req
221. it might be difficult for you
to hear.Copy !req
222. What is it?Copy !req
223. Lois...Copy !req
224. I think your father is dying.Copy !req
225. What?Copy !req
226. Ha!Copy !req
227. Brian, what are you
talking about?Copy !req
228. Well, yesterday at the hospital,Copy !req
229. I heard a doctor tell him
he has cancer...Copy !req
230. and that he has
two weeks to live.Copy !req
231. Oh, my God.Copy !req
232. Oh, my God, Daddy!Copy !req
233. Yeah, I feel really
horrible for you,Copy !req
234. and I hate to do this,Copy !req
235. but I'm trying to
catch a 4:50 movie,Copy !req
236. and it's, like, 4:40 now, and,
so, if I'm going to make it,Copy !req
237. I have to leave,
like, now.Copy !req
238. Yeah, this-this stinks,Copy !req
239. but I've already
blown this guy off,
like, twice, so...Copy !req
240. I've been trying to call
my parents all day,Copy !req
241. and I can't get
ahold of them.Copy !req
242. I'll tell ya, this
obituary came out great.Copy !req
243. "Carter Pewterschmidt died
today of the disease cancer.Copy !req
244. "In lieu of flowers,
please sendCopy !req
245. carnival rides to Peter Griffin
at 31 Spooner Street."Copy !req
246. If we get just one
ride out of this,Copy !req
247. it will have
been a success.Copy !req
248. Lois?Copy !req
249. Wh-What are you
doing here?Copy !req
250. Mom, I've been trying
to get ahold of you.Copy !req
251. Is Daddy okay?
Where is he?Copy !req
252. Oh, he's fine, dear.Copy !req
253. But now's not
a good time.Copy !req
254. He's very busy.Copy !req
255. Look, I know
something's going on.Copy !req
256. I want to see him.Copy !req
257. Daddy?Copy !req
258. Well, look who's here!Copy !req
259. Daddy! You're okay!Copy !req
260. Of course I'm okay!
Why wouldn't I be?Copy !req
261. Well, Brian said
you were dying!Copy !req
262. And I finished a book!Copy !req
263. I promised myself
I'd work that in.Copy !req
264. I-It's— I might've
jumped the gun.Copy !req
265. I didn't finish it.Copy !req
266. I'm so glad
you're all right.Copy !req
267. Brian, how could you get us
all worked up like that?Copy !req
268. Yeah, shame on you!Copy !req
269. Oh, you're gonna
get it, Brian.Copy !req
270. You are gonna get it
when I drink.Copy !req
271. What the hell's going on?Copy !req
272. Last night,
Carter was on
his deathbed,Copy !req
273. and now he looks better
than he ever did.Copy !req
274. Well, they say laughter
is the best medicine.Copy !req
275. Maybe he went to a
comedy club or something.Copy !req
276. In my neighborhood,Copy !req
277. we didn't have no Kool-Aid.Copy !req
278. We had food colorin' and water.Copy !req
279. Mama used to call it
"Fool-Aid."Copy !req
280. No, I don't get that.Copy !req
281. And everybody had an Uncle Earl.Copy !req
282. You know, that uncle
that sit around in the houseCopy !req
283. all day in his underdrawers,
saying he "between" jobs.Copy !req
284. To be between jobs,Copy !req
285. you had to have had a job
in the first place!Copy !req
286. That's accurate!Copy !req
287. And Earl got that cell phone.Copy !req
288. He on the Sprint plan.Copy !req
289. When the bill come, he sprint.Copy !req
290. Yes! So many of them
are delinquent in payment.Copy !req
291. Rupert, move your legs.Copy !req
292. I can see your balls.Copy !req
293. Stewie, this is
going to sound crazy,Copy !req
294. but I have a theory about
what's going on with Carter.Copy !req
295. Really? What is it?Copy !req
296. Well, think about it.Copy !req
297. If Carter Pewterschmidt,Copy !req
298. the dynamic chairman of
Pewterschmidt Industries,Copy !req
299. were to fall ill
or even die,Copy !req
300. the stock price
would plummet.Copy !req
301. I don't want you to think
I'm not listening,Copy !req
302. but when's Christmas?
Not for a while.Copy !req
303. But what I'm saying is,
I think Carter is sickCopy !req
304. or possibly even dead,
and that the man we saw todayCopy !req
305. was an imposter
brought in to keepCopy !req
306. Pewterschmidt Industries'
stock price upCopy !req
307. and to keep people
from knowing the truth.Copy !req
308. Boy, you are just
going to keep on talkingCopy !req
309. with that poppy seed
stuck in your teeth, aren't you?Copy !req
310. Anyway, what are you
suggesting?Copy !req
311. We can follow him, see
if he's really Carter.Copy !req
312. Okay, but I got to be
home by 7:00.Copy !req
313. I'm supposed to talk
to the policeCopy !req
314. about that shooting
I witnessed.Copy !req
315. Good Lord, are
you all right?Copy !req
316. If I die,Copy !req
317. leave two dollars
worth of flowers right here.Copy !req
318. Here's my fourth grade
class photo.Copy !req
319. Lean it against
a cheap candle.Copy !req
320. Well, should I call
an ambulance?Copy !req
321. No. Call Channel Nine.Copy !req
322. And have a gap-toothed
woman say, quote,Copy !req
323. "He never bothered nobody."Copy !req
324. Okay, if this guy is an
imposter, he's going to haveCopy !req
325. to do everything
Carter normally does.Copy !req
326. We just have to wait
and see if he slips up.Copy !req
327. All right,
here he comes now.Copy !req
328. All right, Stu, now,
if we can just...Copy !req
329. No.
What?Copy !req
330. You know what you did.Copy !req
331. Hey, wait a minute.Copy !req
332. If this is an imposter,Copy !req
333. then this guy we're following
never had cancer.Copy !req
334. Yeah, so?Copy !req
335. Well, you're a dog.
Can't you just sniff cancer?Copy !req
336. No, that's just a
myth we startedCopy !req
337. so we could stick our
snouts in girls' boobs.Copy !req
338. It's nice to have a
clean bill of health.Copy !req
339. Well, for now.Copy !req
340. The key is
weekly follow-ups.Copy !req
341. You know, cervical cancer
is also a problem.Copy !req
342. My boyfriend thinks he
might have prostate cancer.Copy !req
343. Nope, doesn't.Copy !req
344. Okay, now we've got him.Copy !req
345. The real Carter would
never go to a Starbucks.Copy !req
346. He thinks they're too
liberal and pretentious.Copy !req
347. Coffee for Brent.Copy !req
348. Latte for Cecil.Copy !req
349. Beanie?Copy !req
350. None of those
people are real.Copy !req
351. I'm stealing all your
sugar packets and napkins.Copy !req
352. Woodstock's over,Copy !req
353. Wow. You certainly
look a lot betterCopy !req
354. than that walking corpse
I saw last week.Copy !req
355. Well, no one's ever
going to see that again,Copy !req
356. I can promise you that.Copy !req
357. I can't stress how
important it isCopy !req
358. our secret be kept
from the public.Copy !req
359. I understand, sir.Copy !req
360. And I assure you
that Specimen ZCopy !req
361. is secure on level 12.Copy !req
362. Did you hear that, Brian?Copy !req
363. That "walking corpse" was
Carter dying of cancer.Copy !req
364. This guy is an imposter.Copy !req
365. Oh, my God.Copy !req
366. And I bet Specimen Z
is the real Carter's body.Copy !req
367. You two didn't
hear that, did you?Copy !req
368. Hey, buddy, we're...Copy !req
369. we're just trying to
read the paper here.Copy !req
370. I'll have you fired
for talking to me like that.Copy !req
371. I don't work here.Copy !req
372. Then I'll have you killed.
I want to die.Copy !req
373. I hated that guy back there.Copy !req
374. Okay, this is level 12.Copy !req
375. There's the lab.Copy !req
376. Let's get in there
and find Carter's body.Copy !req
377. Oh, crap, there's a keypad.Copy !req
378. All right, we're just
going to have to tryCopy !req
379. and figure out the code.Copy !req
380. When's his birthday?Copy !req
381. I think it's in March.Copy !req
382. Stewie, are you crazy?Copy !req
383. That's so loud.
The guards will hear.Copy !req
384. Don't worry
about it, Bri...Copy !req
385. Hey, what's
going on down there?Copy !req
386. Nothing.Copy !req
387. All right.Copy !req
388. All right, now,
where would they keepCopy !req
389. a dead body
in a pharmaceutical lab?Copy !req
390. Brian, look.Copy !req
391. That's it.
I bet he's in there.Copy !req
392. Oh, my God.Copy !req
393. Specimen Z isn't Carter's body.Copy !req
394. What is it?Copy !req
395. Specimen Z is a
cure for cancer.Copy !req
396. Carter didn't die.
He cured himself.Copy !req
397. Hold it right there.Copy !req
398. Damn it, Brian.
You broke into my lab.Copy !req
399. And you didn't wear a suit.Copy !req
400. Hey, why didn't he
have to wear a suit?Copy !req
401. See what you've started now?Copy !req
402. Carter, you've found
a cure for cancer?Copy !req
403. Well, I didn't come up with it.Copy !req
404. A couple of eggheads
I hired did.Copy !req
405. One of them's a Chinese.Copy !req
406. Boy, I don't like those people.Copy !req
407. But holy crap, wind 'em up
and watch 'em go.Copy !req
408. How long have you had this?Copy !req
409. I don't know.
When... when was thatCopy !req
410. "Who Let the Dogs Out?" song?Copy !req
411. You've had this since 1999?Copy !req
412. You know when "Who Let
the Dogs Out?" came out?Copy !req
413. It's a song about dogs
and letting them out.Copy !req
414. I could have you arrested
for breaking in here.Copy !req
415. Carter, you've discovered the
holy grail of modern medicine.Copy !req
416. Why the hell would you
keep it buried like this?Copy !req
417. I'll tell you why.Copy !req
418. Because there's
far more money to be madeCopy !req
419. in treating a disease
than in curing it.Copy !req
420. Why cure someone
of cancer in a dayCopy !req
421. if we can treat them
for a lifetimeCopy !req
422. and bill them
every step along the way?Copy !req
423. What? That's insane.Copy !req
424. Brian, it's so cold in here,
look how big my nips are.Copy !req
425. They're almost like a woman's.Copy !req
426. Oh, look, I'm tugging at 'em
and they're getting even bigger.Copy !req
427. Carter, what you're
doing here is criminal,Copy !req
428. and I'm going to tell the
whole world about it.Copy !req
429. Is that right?
Who's going to believe you?Copy !req
430. The Internet?Copy !req
431. You'll be just another nut-job,
left-wing blogger.Copy !req
432. Security!Copy !req
433. Everything's fine.Copy !req
434. No, it isn't. Get in here.Copy !req
435. Ah! Damn it! You bastards.Copy !req
436. I don't know why you're
surprised by this, Brian.Copy !req
437. Big corporations
never tell the truth.Copy !req
438. Look at the
Kleenex industry.Copy !req
439. Well, we had another
good quarter.Copy !req
440. I guess a lot of people
are sneezing out there.Copy !req
441. Jerry, I'm going to let you
in on something,Copy !req
442. and it can't
leave this room.Copy !req
443. Our research showsCopy !req
444. the primary use
of our product is sperm.Copy !req
445. What?Copy !req
446. Yeah, and brace
yourself for this.Copy !req
447. The second biggest use
is women crying about nonsense.Copy !req
448. But I thought
sneezing was...Copy !req
449. Jerry, Jerry,
it's sperm and nonsense.Copy !req
450. I can't believe CarterCopy !req
451. would sacrifice
millions of livesCopy !req
452. just to protect
corporate profits.Copy !req
453. Well, don't be too upset.Copy !req
454. Old Stewie here snaggedCopy !req
455. a little souvenir
on his way out.Copy !req
456. Oh, my God, Stewie.Copy !req
457. You got the cancer cure.Copy !req
458. How'd you manage to steal it?Copy !req
459. Oh, it was easy—
I just took itCopy !req
460. while you guys
were yammering on.Copy !req
461. I swear, I felt
like I was waitingCopy !req
462. for Lois to get
off the phone.Copy !req
463. Well, that is amazing.Copy !req
464. All right, Bonnie.Copy !req
465. Well, it was good
talking to you.Copy !req
466. No way. She did?Copy !req
467. When did she say that?Copy !req
468. You know what?Copy !req
469. That doesn't surprise me.
That's how she is.Copy !req
470. Okay, then. Okay.Copy !req
471. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
472. All right,
I'll see you Tuesday.Copy !req
473. Oh, no. What happened?Copy !req
474. That's terrible.Copy !req
475. Oh, my God, just awful.Copy !req
476. Well, you
give them my best.Copy !req
477. Okay, I got to go.Copy !req
478. Stewie and I are headed
out to the beach.Copy !req
479. Oh, I didn't tell you?Copy !req
480. He's learning to swim.Copy !req
481. Oh, I got him
the cutest swim trunks.Copy !req
482. At Kohl's.Copy !req
483. You've never
been to Kohl's?Copy !req
484. Well, let me tell you
about Kohl's.Copy !req
485. All right, well, you know
the mall with the Chili's?Copy !req
486. It's across the street.Copy !req
487. Bonnie?
Bonnie, are you there?Copy !req
488. What happened?
Let's go!Copy !req
489. Oh, there you two are.Copy !req
490. Lois, there's
something incredibleCopy !req
491. I have to tell you.Copy !req
492. And there's
something incredibleCopy !req
493. I have to show you.Copy !req
494. I learned how to
do a somersault.Copy !req
495. Did I do it?Copy !req
496. There he is.Copy !req
497. Crap.Copy !req
498. Daddy? What's going on here?Copy !req
499. Brian here has stolen something
very important from me.Copy !req
500. Give it to me, Brian.Copy !req
501. Lois, your father
has a cure for cancer,Copy !req
502. but he won't release it
because it's not profitable.Copy !req
503. So I stole it.Copy !req
504. Daddy, is this true?Copy !req
505. Yeah. So what?Copy !req
506. So I found the cure for cancer
and didn't announce it.Copy !req
507. Big deal.
I also took a dump todayCopy !req
508. and didn't issue
a press release.Copy !req
509. Oh, that's interesting,
because I did.Copy !req
510. Good for Peter.Copy !req
511. It's about time the media
covered something positive.Copy !req
512. Daddy, you're the chairman
of a billion dollar company.Copy !req
513. You've got more
money than anyoneCopy !req
514. could ever spend
in one lifetime.Copy !req
515. Are you challenging me
to a Brewster's Millions?Copy !req
516. Is money all that
you care about?Copy !req
517. What if somebody close
to you got cancer?Copy !req
518. What if... what if the
maid who raised youCopy !req
519. 'cause your parents were too
wealthy and busy got cancer?Copy !req
520. You mean Mamie?Copy !req
521. Yeah.
What if Mamie got cancer?Copy !req
522. Mamie's not getting cancer!Copy !req
523. Or how about one of us?Copy !req
524. What if I got cancer
or, God forbid,Copy !req
525. one of your grandchildren?Copy !req
526. For once in your life,
do the right thing.Copy !req
527. All right, pumpkin.Copy !req
528. I'll do it.Copy !req
529. I'll do it for you.Copy !req
530. You will? You promise?Copy !req
531. Yes.Copy !req
532. I'll make the
announcement tomorrow.Copy !req
533. Oh, Daddy.Copy !req
534. Thank you so much.Copy !req
535. You're my hero.Copy !req
536. Oh, that's her father?Copy !req
537. Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker.Copy !req
538. Our top story:
a big announcementCopy !req
539. out of Pewterschmidt
Pharmaceuticals today.Copy !req
540. Company chairman
Carter PewterschmidtCopy !req
541. released a statement
announcing the launchCopy !req
542. of a deodorant
for the developmentally disabledCopy !req
543. called Slow Stick.Copy !req
544. It's also edible because,
you know, those people...Copy !req
545. don't, uh... don't know...Copy !req
546. And now sports.Copy !req
547. That's it?
What the hell?Copy !req
548. Where's the cancer
cure announcement?Copy !req
549. That son of a bitch
went back on his word.Copy !req
550. Hello.Copy !req
551. Daddy, we're all sitting here
in front of the TVCopy !req
552. awaiting the big announcement.Copy !req
553. Remember the one that's
going to benefit all mankind?Copy !req
554. The one you promised to make
for me, your daughter?Copy !req
555. I lied.Copy !req
556. Lois, you can't
stay mad at him.Copy !req
557. He's rich and successful.Copy !req
558. It doesn't excuse
what he did.Copy !req
559. It'll be fine.Copy !req
560. He'll just do
a magazine coverCopy !req
561. with a wink to who he is,
and all will be forgiven.Copy !req
562. Oh, Daddy.
I know. If he's such a bad
guy, why's he on a magazine?Copy !req