1. Thanks for encouraging us
to come to Gay Pride Day, Brian.Copy !req
2. Yeah, this seems
like it'll be fun.Copy !req
3. Real fun, not "entertain-
your-wife's-parents-Copy !req
4. while-your-wife-
is-at-work" fun.Copy !req
5. Laura gets home at 7:00,
so I figure we can stareCopy !req
6. at our wine glasses
till then.Copy !req
7. So, uh... so, when...Copy !req
8. when do you guys think
you're gonna die?Copy !req
9. Wow, a parade.Copy !req
10. It's like I'm walking
past stuff,Copy !req
11. but I'm not going anywhere.Copy !req
12. Look, there's the float
commemorating sham marriages.Copy !req
13. Sorry, this stomach thing
is acting up again tonight.Copy !req
14. Oh, and I'm going on a business
trip to Mykonos for July.Copy !req
15. And it says this next one is
the "Shocking Reveal Gay Float."Copy !req
16. I had no idea.Copy !req
17. Hey, check it out.Copy !req
18. There's an air show.Copy !req
19. Oh, my God—
they're gonna crash!Copy !req
20. No, no, don't worry—
it's a gay air show.Copy !req
21. They're just gonna
lightly touch tips.Copy !req
22. Aw!Copy !req
23. Well, listen up, everybody,
'cause it's timeCopy !req
24. for our grand prize drawing
for those ticketsCopy !req
25. to see Celine Dion live
in Las Vegas!Copy !req
26. Infertility!Copy !req
27. Here we go!Copy !req
28. Our grand prize winner is...Copy !req
29. Brian Griffin.Copy !req
30. Wow, I don't believe it!Copy !req
31. Hey, congratulations, buddy.Copy !req
32. You know, you're a lucky guy.Copy !req
33. The only thing I ever won
was an extra day of summer.Copy !req
34. Okay, Peter—
one more day.Copy !req
35. Yay!Copy !req
36. I saw what I look like
in a car window,Copy !req
37. and now I don't want to go.Copy !req
38. We now return
to Franklin and BashCopy !req
39. with Indicators to Show
Which One is FranklinCopy !req
40. and Which One is Bash.Copy !req
41. Defensive blows to their heads
were to send a message...Copy !req
42. Oh, sorry, sorry.Copy !req
43. "Help me get
into used car sales."Copy !req
44. Hey, Stewie, I don't know if
you have any interest in this,Copy !req
45. but I was wondering if you
want to go to Vegas with meCopy !req
46. and see Celine Dion.Copy !req
47. Are you kidding?
Of course I want to go!Copy !req
48. Wow, these are good seats!Copy !req
49. I know— apparently they were
donated by Goldman's Pharmacy.Copy !req
50. Turns out Mort's cousin
is Celine's opening act.Copy !req
51. Really? What's his talent?Copy !req
52. I understand he's a
magician of sorts.Copy !req
53. All right, for this next trick,Copy !req
54. I need a quarter
from the audience.Copy !req
55. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
56. You almost ready, Stewie?Copy !req
57. We should probably start
heading to the airport.Copy !req
58. Yes, I was gonna talk to
you about that, actually.Copy !req
59. Last night, I was
thinking to myself,Copy !req
60. "Why fly, when we can
get there instantly?"Copy !req
61. What? What do you mean?Copy !req
62. Well, you see, I recently
completed constructionCopy !req
63. on a teleportation device,
and it occurred to me,Copy !req
64. this may be the perfect
chance to try it out.Copy !req
65. Wow, Stewie,
that's incredible!Copy !req
66. Oh, hey, guys.Copy !req
67. Peter, what do
you have there?Copy !req
68. Give me the scissors.Copy !req
69. I was just gonna make
some masks!Copy !req
70. Use your scissors.Copy !req
71. They're not sharp!Copy !req
72. So, what do you say?Copy !req
73. Hmm, teleport to Vegas, huh?Copy !req
74. All right, let's do it!Copy !req
75. Okay, now, the device is
powered by kinetic energy,Copy !req
76. so you've got to dance
to make it work.Copy !req
77. You, uh... really?Copy !req
78. Yeah, you've
got to dance.Copy !req
79. What are you doing,
you tool?Copy !req
80. Do you know anything
about science?Copy !req
81. You just saw
me program it.Copy !req
82. What the hell, Stewie?
It didn't work.Copy !req
83. Hmm, that's odd.Copy !req
84. It appears there
may still beCopy !req
85. a few more bugs
to work out.Copy !req
86. Well, it was
worth a try.Copy !req
87. Oh, my God, Stewie—
it-it worked!Copy !req
88. We're in Vegas!Copy !req
89. Yeah, all right!Copy !req
90. Well, let's hit the
hospital, get checkedCopy !req
91. for teleportation
cancer and then party!Copy !req
92. Well, since the teleportation
machine failed to get usCopy !req
93. to Vegas, I suppose we should
just catch our plane.Copy !req
94. I'll repair it
when we get back.Copy !req
95. You know, this is going
to be a good trip, Brian.Copy !req
96. I really feel like fate
is on our side.Copy !req
97. Scissors are jerks.Copy !req
98. And I'm a owl.Copy !req
99. Oh, wow, look at
that, Stewie.Copy !req
100. Perfect timing.Copy !req
101. Oh, it's beautiful.Copy !req
102. Everything's just
so beautiful here.Copy !req
103. This is miserable.Copy !req
104. Three-hour delay
and a completely full flight.Copy !req
105. Don't look at us,
you pig.Copy !req
106. Take your Juicy sweatpants
and your dirty pillow from home,Copy !req
107. and your bucket of Coke, and
get the hell out of my sight.Copy !req
108. What was her problem?Copy !req
109. You see that, Brian?Copy !req
110. That's going to be our
penises later, right?Copy !req
111. Stewie, that teleportation
machine is amazing.Copy !req
112. It's so great
that we're already here.Copy !req
113. Yep, drink it in, Bri.Copy !req
114. Time to enjoy all the
Bellagio has to offer.Copy !req
115. Classic architecture.Copy !req
116. Beautiful art.Copy !req
117. Plus, the air is clean
because they suck upCopy !req
118. all the cigarette smoke and
dump it in the bad hotels.Copy !req
119. Smell that, kids?Copy !req
120. It's been in a rich
person's mouth.Copy !req
121. Hi. We're checking in—
Griffin?Copy !req
122. Ah, yes.Copy !req
123. I see you've requested
a bed that's goodCopy !req
124. for bouncing
and jumping?Copy !req
125. That is correct.Copy !req
126. I am a businessman.Copy !req
127. Just sign here, please.Copy !req
128. And you can actually keep
that pen if you'd like.Copy !req
129. No way! Really?Copy !req
130. Wow, you see that, Brian?Copy !req
131. Good luck already.Copy !req
132. You know, I know we're
switching to a digital world,Copy !req
133. but I-I think this little
guy's still got a place in it.Copy !req
134. Hey, we should try one of those
slot machines by the entrance.Copy !req
135. You know, they always set
those things to pay out moreCopy !req
136. so they can lure people
into the casino.Copy !req
137. Well, that's a great idea.Copy !req
138. Oh, my God—
I don't believe it!Copy !req
139. Brian, we won!Copy !req
140. We won the jackpot!Copy !req
141. Oh, this is unbelievable.Copy !req
142. I haven't had this much fun
since I hosted the Oscars.Copy !req
143. Good evening.Copy !req
144. I just want to say
that I have the utmost respectCopy !req
145. for women everywhere.Copy !req
146. And also, the Jews.Copy !req
147. Good night.Copy !req
148. Oh, thank God,
we're finally here.Copy !req
149. That plane ride took forever.Copy !req
150. Kind of weird they showed
Flight 93 on Flight 93.Copy !req
151. Hi. We're checking in—
Griffin?Copy !req
152. Hmm, I do have a Griffin
here, but that roomCopy !req
153. was checked
into hours ago.
What?Copy !req
154. Yes, and I'm afraid we have
no other rooms available.Copy !req
155. I see— is there
a less heavy personCopy !req
156. that could check again for me?Copy !req
157. I'm sorry, we're
all booked upCopy !req
158. because the Slut
Convention's in town.Copy !req
159. Slut Convention?
Yeah.Copy !req
160. They were promised a
single millionaire,Copy !req
161. but it's really just a
bunch of horny squirrelsCopy !req
162. in a rich-guy suit.Copy !req
163. So...Copy !req
164. you made your money
in business?Copy !req
165. Where's your
room, handsome?Copy !req
166. Can I at least have that pen?Copy !req
167. No, that's
Bellagio property.Copy !req
168. Aw.Copy !req
169. Well, this sucks.
Hey, I'm gonna go try oneCopy !req
170. of those slot machines
by the entrance.Copy !req
171. They always set
those things to pay out moreCopy !req
172. so they can lure people
into the casino.Copy !req
173. Damn it, Vegas!Copy !req
174. Excuse me, where can I find
some smoking Asians?Copy !req
175. Oh, everywhere? Okay.Copy !req
176. Oh, my God, this
place is a dump.Copy !req
177. Well, let's not be
so quick to judge.Copy !req
178. It says here there's
a continental breakfast.Copy !req
179. Oh, the continent is Africa.Copy !req
180. Stewie, this place
is a complete pit.Copy !req
181. I mean, doesn't it seem
weird to you that we haveCopy !req
182. to re-check-in
every 20 minutes?Copy !req
183. Also the porn is free, but we
have to watch it in the lobby.Copy !req
184. Okay, let's see if we can
turn this trip around.Copy !req
185. I'm gonna try some blackjack.Copy !req
186. Here, take $40.Copy !req
187. I'm gonna go get
some ice cream.Copy !req
188. All right, I'll
catch up with you.Copy !req
189. Hey there...Copy !req
190. Denise.Copy !req
191. How you doing today?
I don't know.Copy !req
192. I usually have to check
with my boyfriend first.Copy !req
193. Oh.Copy !req
194. Uh... hit, please.Copy !req
195. 24? Crap!Copy !req
196. Do you know what it's
like to go to the doctorCopy !req
197. and see your own foot
in the garbage can?Copy !req
198. Okay, you have a good night.Copy !req
199. Hey, Stewie, I need
some more money.Copy !req
200. I lost it all, Brian!Copy !req
201. What?Copy !req
202. Well, I was on my way
to get ice creamCopy !req
203. and I passed a roulette table,
and I put it all on 16Copy !req
204. because of that
Taylor Swift song, "Sixteen."Copy !req
205. That song is
called "Fifteen."Copy !req
206. It came up 15!Copy !req
207. Stewie, that was all
the money I brought.Copy !req
208. I knew I should've brought
Peter instead of you.Copy !req
209. Oh, come on, you would've
done much worse with him.Copy !req
210. He's got a terrible tell.Copy !req
211. Any cards, Peter?Copy !req
212. No, I'm good.Copy !req
213. Oh, this is gonna be great.Copy !req
214. I hear she puts on
an amazing show.Copy !req
215. She does— you'll be
amazed that that voiceCopy !req
216. comes out of that face.Copy !req
217. Oh, thank God,
we made it in time.Copy !req
218. I didn't realize how farCopy !req
219. that awful hotel is
from the Strip.Copy !req
220. The woman who cleaned
our room had no ears.Copy !req
221. I'm sorry,
these tickets are invalid.Copy !req
222. What?Copy !req
223. It's showing that they've
already been scanned.Copy !req
224. I can't let you in.Copy !req
225. Oh, this trip has
been a disaster.Copy !req
226. I know. I actually thought
I was gonna win bigCopy !req
227. and get that plastic surgery
I always wanted.Copy !req
228. Oh, my God!Copy !req
229. Look at him.Copy !req
230. He's so cute.Copy !req
231. I'm small,
so this is okay.Copy !req
232. You know what, screw it.Copy !req
233. I say we just cut our
losses and fly home.Copy !req
234. Yeah, I'm not so sure
about that.Copy !req
235. What? Why?Copy !req
236. Well, I may have...Copy !req
237. And-and you are gonna
laugh about this,Copy !req
238. if I know your dark
sense of humor,Copy !req
239. but I may have gambled away
our plane tickets.Copy !req
240. You what? How do
you even do that?Copy !req
241. It's Vegas, Brian.
You can gamble anything.Copy !req
242. I'd like to bet
my daughter's virginity on 23.Copy !req
243. I'm sorry, it's 31.Copy !req
244. Ow!Copy !req
245. How's it going here?Copy !req
246. Not great.
I know what you mean.Copy !req
247. We just took a pounding
at the craps table.Copy !req
248. Look, why don't we just
call Lois and the fat man?Copy !req
249. Maybe they can help us.Copy !req
250. I don't know about that.Copy !req
251. You know that
500 bucks we lost?Copy !req
252. I sort of took that from
Lois without asking.Copy !req
253. If she finds out it's
all gone, she'll kill me.Copy !req
254. Oh.Copy !req
255. Did you fellas say you were
in a bit of a fix?Copy !req
256. My buddy's got the inside track
on a basketball game.Copy !req
257. It's a sure thing.Copy !req
258. I like how all your teeth
are different shapes.Copy !req
259. Why are you
telling us this?Copy !req
260. What do you want from us?Copy !req
261. Honestly,
I'm trying to sell my condo,Copy !req
262. and I need people to come
to the open houseCopy !req
263. and talk
about how nice it is.Copy !req
264. Wow, the price per square foot
is quite competitiveCopy !req
265. with similar homes in the area.Copy !req
266. Yes, I also love it.Copy !req
267. I will likely purchase itCopy !req
268. unless others
put in a rival bid.Copy !req
269. Well, what's stopping you?Copy !req
270. You know, you've always been
so noncommittalCopy !req
271. in our relationship.Copy !req
272. Do you know how much
it hurt my feelingsCopy !req
273. when you paused before
introducing me to your parents?Copy !req
274. And it's the same reason you
didn't take that job in Denver.Copy !req
275. I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to waste your time.Copy !req
276. I just remembered my husband
is a total chicken.Copy !req
277. I'm not 100% sure
what we're doing anymore.Copy !req
278. It's like I say, the best
thing you can see in VegasCopy !req
279. is bar, bar, bar.Copy !req
280. Yeah, and he's not talking
about slot machines.Copy !req
281. Ooh!Copy !req
282. Stewie, I'm still not sure
this is a great idea.Copy !req
283. Relax, Brian; we're betting
on one basketball game.Copy !req
284. That's it.Copy !req
285. Then we'll be out of debt
and on our way home.Copy !req
286. I suppose.
I just wishCopy !req
287. we didn't have to borrow money
from a loan shark.Copy !req
288. I mean, that guy seemed
pretty serious.Copy !req
289. Okay, and just a couple
of remaining items.Copy !req
290. Please indicate here
if I look like a schmuck to you.Copy !req
291. I'm gonna say "no."Copy !req
292. Great. Then please check here
and initial there.Copy !req
293. Uh, next, do you think
this is some kind of game?Copy !req
294. Um, no.Copy !req
295. Okay, initial, please.Copy !req
296. And finally, my date of birth.Copy !req
297. Was it yesterday?Copy !req
298. And that'll do it for us hereCopy !req
299. with Duke losing
by just three points.Copy !req
300. We... we lost, Brian.Copy !req
301. Oh, crap, we're screwed.Copy !req
302. Hey, Stewie, give me
$100 from the backpack.Copy !req
303. I want to pay a
Wayne Newton look-alikeCopy !req
304. to beat up a
Rita Rudner look-alike.Copy !req
305. I'll give you $1,000.Copy !req
306. Pay him to beat up Rita Rudner.Copy !req
307. Stewie, we got to get
the hell out of hereCopy !req
308. before that loan shark finds us.Copy !req
309. Yes, you're right.Copy !req
310. I've got a bad feeling, Brian.Copy !req
311. I've got a good
feeling, Brian.Copy !req
312. I'm gonna get
me that honey.Copy !req
313. I say, Brian,
this backpack feelsCopy !req
314. a bit lighter
than it did before.Copy !req
315. Well, I wasn't gonna
tell you till later,Copy !req
316. but I actually used
part of my portionCopy !req
317. to take care of some
personal business.Copy !req
318. All right, fine.Copy !req
319. Hey, boss, it's me.Copy !req
320. I just spotted those two idiots
who borrowed all that money.Copy !req
321. Yeah, well, now they're
strutting aroundCopy !req
322. in flashy suits.Copy !req
323. Don't worry; I'll get that
money back no matter what,Copy !req
324. and for sure I'm not
gonna stop firstCopy !req
325. and get some crepes
in the lobby.Copy !req
326. Where can I get
some crepes?Copy !req
327. Hey, Stewie,
thanks for coming with me.Copy !req
328. This really has been
an amazing trip.Copy !req
329. Yeah, it's been great.Copy !req
330. Um, listen, Brian,Copy !req
331. this might be a good
time to tell you, uh,Copy !req
332. I invited, um, somebodyCopy !req
333. to come to the room.Copy !req
334. Well, what do you mean?Copy !req
335. Oh, that must be him now.Copy !req
336. Okay, come on, you look nothing
like your picture in the ad.Copy !req
337. Shut up and give
me the money!Copy !req
338. What? What the hell
are you talking about?Copy !req
339. Okay, I'm starting to think
you're not Apollo.Copy !req
340. You bastards think you can
just borrow a bunch of moneyCopy !req
341. from a loan shark and then
waste it on tacky suits?Copy !req
342. Tacky?
Sir, I'll have you knowCopy !req
343. I bought this
in the lobby of a casino.Copy !req
344. Well, don't shoot.Copy !req
345. You must have us confused
with somebody else.Copy !req
346. We didn't borrow
any money, I swear.Copy !req
347. Sounds like somebody
wants to die.Copy !req
348. Aah! No, no!
Stewie,Copy !req
349. just give him the money
from the backpack.Copy !req
350. Okay, okay. Don't shoot.Copy !req
351. Wha... It's empty.Copy !req
352. It's just Cheerios
and coloring books.Copy !req
353. What? Where the hell
is the money?Copy !req
354. Sir, we can't give you
any money,Copy !req
355. but if you've got
some milk and a bowl,Copy !req
356. we can give you a pretty
healthy way to start your day.Copy !req
357. All right,
enough of this.Copy !req
358. You, dog,Copy !req
359. pick which one of
you two is gonna die.Copy !req
360. What? You can't ask me
to decide something like that.Copy !req
361. The life of every being
is sacred, just like the life...Copy !req
362. Fine. I'll kill you.Copy !req
363. No, no, kill him.
He's a baby.Copy !req
364. He-he won't even remember
he was alive.Copy !req
365. You son of a b...Copy !req
366. Aah! Stewie!Copy !req
367. Now, get us the
money you borrowed.Copy !req
368. Oh, my God, Stewie, no!Copy !req
369. Yeah, I was booked
for three hoursCopy !req
370. by Archibald Meatpants.Copy !req
371. He's... he's dead.Copy !req
372. Okay, well, either way,
I'm getting paid,Copy !req
373. and somebody's
getting torn open.Copy !req
374. What the hell
are we gonna do, Stewie?Copy !req
375. We have no money,
no way to get home,Copy !req
376. and one of the loan shark's
goons is probably gonna bustCopy !req
377. through that door
any minute and kill us both.Copy !req
378. I wish my daddy were here.Copy !req
379. He always knows what to do.Copy !req
380. Oh, son of a bitch.Copy !req
381. Well, I better leave a note.Copy !req
382. It's the right thing to do.Copy !req
383. God, I've never felt
so hopeless.Copy !req
384. I mean, what are we
supposed to do?Copy !req
385. Just wait for them
to come kill us?Copy !req
386. Well, we could
go on the run.Copy !req
387. With what money?
And they'd still find us.Copy !req
388. Well, why don't we
just hitchhike home?Copy !req
389. Even if we could get
back there,Copy !req
390. we'd just be putting
the whole family in danger.Copy !req
391. I don't see any way
out of this.Copy !req
392. Well, there is one
thing we could do.Copy !req
393. What? What's that?Copy !req
394. We could go out
on our own terms.Copy !req
395. What? You're saying
we should kill ourselves?Copy !req
396. Well, think about it.Copy !req
397. We're stuck here,
just waitingCopy !req
398. for some mobster
to do it.Copy !req
399. At least this way,
we can go out together.Copy !req
400. But think
about what you're saying.Copy !req
401. Brian, we're dead
no matter what.Copy !req
402. At least this way,
it'll be quick and clean.Copy !req
403. Well, not clean for the staff
of the hotel,Copy !req
404. but that's not really gonna be
our problem anymore.Copy !req
405. I-I don't know.Copy !req
406. Look, it's not like we've got
a lot to live for.Copy !req
407. I mean, I'm just gonna
end up like Chris,Copy !req
408. only I'll be smart enough
to realize how miserable I am.Copy !req
409. And you've only got
a few good years left anyway,Copy !req
410. and that's if we even get
out of here alive.Copy !req
411. All right, Stewie.Copy !req
412. Let's do it.Copy !req
413. Yeah, see, I'm glad
you came around.Copy !req
414. You know, the only thing
that was holding me backCopy !req
415. even a little is knowing how
much Lois is gonna milk this.Copy !req
416. Everyone, I truly want
to thank you for your supportCopy !req
417. and remind you that,
as far as casseroles go,Copy !req
418. we're good on pasta,Copy !req
419. but we could use
some more dessert items.Copy !req
420. Oh, I miss my baby so much,Copy !req
421. and I'm more
of a chocolate personCopy !req
422. than a fruit person.Copy !req
423. Well, this is it.Copy !req
424. I guess so.Copy !req
425. Count to three?Copy !req
426. Yep.Copy !req
427. One, two...Copy !req
428. Three!
I'm sorry.Copy !req
429. I can't. I want to live!Copy !req
430. I didn't really think
we were gonna do it.Copy !req
431. You dick!Copy !req
432. Oh, my God, Brian!Copy !req
433. Brian, no!Copy !req
434. Good Lord, what have I done?Copy !req
435. I better get the hell
out of here.Copy !req
436. What the deuce?Copy !req
437. Where did this come from?Copy !req
438. Well, looks like
Archibald MeatpantsCopy !req
439. is gonna have a fun night.Copy !req
440. One-way to Providence, please.Copy !req
441. Yeah, how much to get
to Providence?Copy !req
442. Brian?Copy !req
443. Stewie, what the hell?Copy !req
444. But how can you be...Copy !req
445. Oh, my God.Copy !req
446. C-Could it be?Copy !req
447. What the hell is going on?Copy !req
448. My teleportation machine worked.Copy !req
449. Of course it did;
that's how we got here.Copy !req
450. No, that's how
you got here.Copy !req
451. I flew.Copy !req
452. The machine must have
created two pairs of us—Copy !req
453. one that was teleported
to Las VegasCopy !req
454. and the other that wasn't.Copy !req
455. You're kidding.
That's unbelievable.Copy !req
456. I know, it... Wait.Copy !req
457. Where's the other me?Copy !req
458. Oh, um... What?Copy !req
459. Where is the Stewie
you came with?Copy !req
460. Oh, well, th-these thugs
came to shoot you,Copy !req
461. and I tried to throw myself
in front of the bullet,Copy !req
462. but it must have gone, like,
under my armpit or somethingCopy !req
463. 'cause it-it exploded
your face.Copy !req
464. Wait, what about
the other me?Copy !req
465. Oh, it was so sad.Copy !req
466. You took your own life.Copy !req
467. I tried like hell to
talk you out of it,Copy !req
468. but you jumped
off a balcony.Copy !req
469. People keep coming
back every hourCopy !req
470. because they think
it's a regular show,Copy !req
471. like-like the volcano or
the pirate ship thing.Copy !req
472. Wow.Copy !req
473. Well, I-I'm so glad
you're alive.Copy !req
474. Yeah, same with you.Copy !req
475. Well, we should
probably head home.Copy !req
476. Definitely.Copy !req
477. Um, uh, the only thing is,
I'm a little short.Copy !req
478. Is there any chance
you could cover meCopy !req
479. for the ticket?Copy !req
480. Oh, let me see
how much I have.Copy !req
481. Good news!
I have just enough.Copy !req
482. Now departing for Providence.Copy !req
483. Hey, did you guys see O?Copy !req
484. No, that seemed lame.Copy !req
485. You know, the other you
was a lot more fun.Copy !req
486. Which one is O?Copy !req
487. Is that the-the
swimming one?Copy !req
488. Don't-don't try to demean it.Copy !req
489. How does it feel to be
the least cultured personCopy !req
490. at a bus station?Copy !req
491. Hey.Copy !req
492. Hey.Copy !req