1. All right, ladies,Copy !req
2. let's pick teams
for dodgeball.Copy !req
3. Connie, would you like
to be a captain?Copy !req
4. Sure.Copy !req
5. I pick everyone
except Meg.Copy !req
6. Fair enough. Go!Copy !req
7. Oww!Copy !req
8. Hey, where's
everybody going?Copy !req
9. That's not how we end
this class.Copy !req
10. Good job today.Copy !req
11. Good job today.Copy !req
12. Great class.Copy !req
13. Nice hustle.Copy !req
14. Hey, how was
gym class?Copy !req
15. Terrible.Copy !req
16. You know, I don't think
I can takeCopy !req
17. another semester
at this school, Ruth.Copy !req
18. It's torture.Copy !req
19. It's worse than sitting
next to a baby on an airplane.Copy !req
20. So what brings you
to Kentucky?Copy !req
21. I'm visiting my family.Copy !req
22. Ah, family man.Copy !req
23. Me? Single
and ready to mingle.Copy !req
24. Tom Brunell's the name.
Insurance is the game.Copy !req
25. And right now,
the game is very good to me.Copy !req
26. Hey, I know!Copy !req
27. If you hate it
so much here,Copy !req
28. why don't you
come to ParisCopy !req
29. for a semester
with me instead?Copy !req
30. I'm leaving next week.Copy !req
31. You're going to Paris
for a semester?Copy !req
32. Yeah, it's a program
sponsored by the high school.Copy !req
33. My aunt even has
an apartment thereCopy !req
34. that we can stay in
for free.Copy !req
35. Oh, my God,
that sounds so amazing!Copy !req
36. Excuse me,
I was wonderingCopy !req
37. if you would go to the dance
with me on Friday.Copy !req
38. Chris, it's me, Meg.Copy !req
39. Well, that's everybody.Copy !req
40. We now return
to Ethiopian Hoarders.Copy !req
41. I don't know
how it got like this!Copy !req
42. Dad, Mom,Copy !req
43. there's something
I want to ask you.Copy !req
44. Can I go to school
in ParisCopy !req
45. for a semester?Copy !req
46. What? Paris?Copy !req
47. Hey, you know,
I have a pen pal in Paris.Copy !req
48. Would you mind bringing him
this letter?Copy !req
49. We're fighting.Copy !req
50. Meg, I'd love to send you
to Paris for a semester,Copy !req
51. but we can't afford that.Copy !req
52. But I can pay
for it myself.Copy !req
53. I've been saving up
from all my part-time jobs.Copy !req
54. That's smart of you, Meg.Copy !req
55. You know, sometimes I doCopy !req
56. part-time jobs
for extra cash.Copy !req
57. Gimme money. Gimme money.Copy !req
58. Gimme money. Gimme money.
Gimme money.Copy !req
59. You be careful,
sweetie,Copy !req
60. and call us as soon
as the plane lands.Copy !req
61. Okay, Mom, I will.Copy !req
62. I'll miss you, Dad.Copy !req
63. I've never been very good
at saying good-bee.Copy !req
64. Good-bee, Meg.Copy !req
65. And I'm gonna
bring you backCopy !req
66. something special,
little guy.Copy !req
67. Don't worry about me.
Just get yourself laid.Copy !req
68. Will you get me
French Stewart's autograph?Copy !req
69. Say hello
to the Pont Neuf for me,Copy !req
70. or as I like to call it,
my inspiration point...Copy !req
71. Oh, you're gone.Copy !req
72. And the family's gone.Copy !req
73. Oh, my God, we're
actually here in Paris.Copy !req
74. This is so exciting!Copy !req
75. Good day, foreigners.Copy !req
76. On behalf of the country
of France, we surrender.Copy !req
77. Oh, my God,
I love your breath.Copy !req
78. Hi, I'm Meg.Copy !req
79. This is my friend, Ruth.Copy !req
80. Would you ladies
like to share a cab,Copy !req
81. or as we say,
"sharre a cabbuh"?Copy !req
82. Sure.Copy !req
83. That sounds great.Copy !req
84. Oh, and please
do not be suspiciousCopy !req
85. that I am
at the airportCopy !req
86. with no baggage
whatsoever.Copy !req
87. A cool name to say
with a French accentCopy !req
88. is Ashtahn Kootchere.Copy !req
89. Bye!Copy !req
90. Thanks!Copy !req
91. Hey, it's me.Copy !req
92. I've got
some fresh arrivals for you.Copy !req
93. How are they?Copy !req
94. On a scale from un to dix,Copy !req
95. they're about a trois.Copy !req
96. Wow, this place
is awesome!Copy !req
97. I know!Copy !req
98. Hey, you wanna dance around
like morons to loud music?Copy !req
99. I'll be right back.Copy !req
100. I've been holding in
a dump since America.Copy !req
101. Griffin residence.Copy !req
102. Hi, Dad, it's me.Copy !req
103. Just wanted you to know
I got here safe.Copy !req
104. And sound?Copy !req
105. Yes, Dad, and sound.Copy !req
106. Oh, good.Copy !req
107. The "sound" is what concerns me.Copy !req
108. Oh, it's so
amazing here, Dad.
Yep.Copy !req
109. You should see it.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
110. The apartment we're
staying in is huge,
Uh-huh.Copy !req
111. and has
an incredible view of...
Uh-huh.Copy !req
112. Dad, something's
going on.Copy !req
113. Some men just broke in.Copy !req
114. Oh, my God!
They've got Ruth!Copy !req
115. And now, I think
they're coming after me!Copy !req
116. All right, Meg,Copy !req
117. I need you to listen to me
very carefully:Copy !req
118. panic.Copy !req
119. Pay no attention to detail.Copy !req
120. Let your mind race.Copy !req
121. Take short, rapid breaths.Copy !req
122. Then hide under the bed,Copy !req
123. but leave two of your feet
sticking out.Copy !req
124. Oh, my God, Dad!Copy !req
125. Are they gonna take me?
I'm so scared!Copy !req
126. Meg? Meg?Copy !req
127. I don't know who you are.
I don't know what you want.Copy !req
128. But I have a very particular
lack of skills.Copy !req
129. I will never be able
to find you,Copy !req
130. but what I do have
is two dollarsCopy !req
131. and a Casio wristwatch.Copy !req
132. You can have one of them.Copy !req
133. Drakkar Noir.Copy !req
134. These guys are serious.Copy !req
135. Lois, Meg's dead!Copy !req
136. Please, there's gotta be
something you can do!Copy !req
137. My little girl is
in terrible danger!Copy !req
138. Ma'am, the men
who took your daughterCopy !req
139. are most likely membersCopy !req
140. of a sophisticated network
of human smugglers.Copy !req
141. If she's not found
within 96 hours,Copy !req
142. chances are
she's gone forever.Copy !req
143. Then we've gotta hurry!Copy !req
144. Sorry, we can't
begin our searchCopy !req
145. until she's been missing
for 96 hours.Copy !req
146. Oh, my God! My baby!Copy !req
147. Yeah, there's a pretty grisly
sex trade over there.Copy !req
148. Usually we just end up
burying framed pictures.Copy !req
149. Oh, Peter!
This is a nightmare!Copy !req
150. What's going on
down there?Copy !req
151. Are they gonna
find her?Copy !req
152. Doesn't look good.Copy !req
153. Stewie, I think
there's only one wayCopy !req
154. we're ever gonna
see Meg again.Copy !req
155. You and I have to take matters
into our own hands.Copy !req
156. What? What are you
talking about?Copy !req
157. Look, you're the only one
who's got the know-howCopy !req
158. and the technology
to help us track her down.Copy !req
159. Hmm. Interesting.Copy !req
160. Last week, all my gadgets
were "hooey,"Copy !req
161. I think was the word.Copy !req
162. I didn't say...
You said "hooey"!Copy !req
163. All right, I've booked us
on a flightCopy !req
164. that leaves in two hours,Copy !req
165. so, um, whose credit card
shall we put it on?Copy !req
166. Just put it on yours
and I'll pay you back.Copy !req
167. Yeah, I feel like
when that happens,Copy !req
168. I sometimes don't
get paid back.Copy !req
169. Like when?Copy !req
170. Jersey Boys, Morton's
Steakhouse, Foxwoods...Copy !req
171. Foxwoods and Jersey Boys
was the same trip!Copy !req
172. You know what? Fine.Copy !req
173. I'll-I'll put it
on my card,Copy !req
174. but I-I-I'm just gonna say
it's a giftCopy !req
175. because that's the only way
I can do this anymore.Copy !req
176. All right, the first thing
we've got to do when we landCopy !req
177. is check the apartment
where Meg was abductedCopy !req
178. and see if we can find
some clues.Copy !req
179. That sounds good.
That's what I was thinking.Copy !req
180. Excuse me, do you mind
if we switch seatsCopy !req
181. so my family can sit
all together?Copy !req
182. No, we don't...
we-we don't switch.Copy !req
183. 'Cause when we booked,Copy !req
184. they didn't have
three together...Copy !req
185. Ma'am, ma'am,
your poor planningCopy !req
186. does not constitute
an emergency for me.Copy !req
187. You'll see him in Paris.
Go sit down.Copy !req
188. God, Meg's kidnappers could be
anywhere in France by now.Copy !req
189. Well, we do have
one lead, Brian.Copy !req
190. I have a recording
of the kidnapper's voice.Copy !req
191. What? You do? How?Copy !req
192. I recorded
the kidnapper's phone callCopy !req
193. with the fat man.Copy !req
194. You see, Brian,
I recordCopy !req
195. all phone calls coming in
or out of the house.Copy !req
196. Y-Y-You do?Copy !req
197. Yep. This one's
one of my faves.Copy !req
198. Hello, Fundamental Industries.
How can I help you?Copy !req
199. Yeah, um, is this...
is this Bang Brothers?Copy !req
200. Yes.Copy !req
201. Oh. Okay. I-I-I'd like
to cancel my subscription.Copy !req
202. Uh, what's your name?Copy !req
203. Brian Griffin.Copy !req
204. And which site
did you belong to?Copy !req
205. Uh... Captain Stabbin'.Copy !req
206. And how are you spelling that?Copy !req
207. Uh... uh, "Captain", full word,Copy !req
208. then "Stabbin',"
S-T-A-B-B-I-N apostrophe.Copy !req
209. Okay, I'm checking.Copy !req
210. You know, in-instead
of a "G" at the end.Copy !req
211. I'm sorry, sir.
I'm not finding that site.Copy !req
212. Uh, what was the subject matter?Copy !req
213. Um... a guy
doing chicks on a boatCopy !req
214. in a, uh, captain's hat.Copy !req
215. Okay, I'm checking.Copy !req
216. The, um...Copy !req
217. the, passengers had, uh,
just signed upCopy !req
218. for a tour of the harborCopy !req
219. and then
all that stuff happened.Copy !req
220. Okay, you made
your point.Copy !req
221. Well, this is where
Meg was staying.Copy !req
222. Oh. I thought Paris would be
a bit more picturesque.Copy !req
223. Instead it's just trafficCopy !req
224. and some big guy
using a jackhammer.Copy !req
225. But monsieur,
ziss is not a jackhammer.Copy !req
226. It is a "Jacqueshammer."Copy !req
227. Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-
ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-Copy !req
228. ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-
ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho...Copy !req
229. Oh, God, it's worse
than I imagined.Copy !req
230. You know, maybe
it'd helpCopy !req
231. if we just tried
to track Meg's movementsCopy !req
232. from the moment
she arrived in France.Copy !req
233. That's a good idea, Brian.Copy !req
234. Let's try Google Earth.Copy !req
235. Worth a shot.Copy !req
236. There. Enhance.Copy !req
237. Wow, I never knew you could
do this on a computer.Copy !req
238. 'Course not, you spend
all your time on thisCopy !req
239. watching Captain Stabbin'.Copy !req
240. All right, we've got
to find this man.Copy !req
241. Let's see, this was
taken at the airport.Copy !req
242. He could be
some sort of lookoutCopy !req
243. who spots girls
fresh off the plane.Copy !req
244. Yes, you're probably right,
Brian. Such scum.Copy !req
245. I'll bet they target
young girlsCopy !req
246. the way Army commercials
target minorities.Copy !req
247. Hey.Copy !req
248. Other black guys.Copy !req
249. It ain't so bad.Copy !req
250. Oh, my God, Stewie!
There he is!Copy !req
251. Hey, buddy, we've got
a few questions for you!Copy !req
252. Excuse me, but this is
a "smoking only" area.Copy !req
253. Oh, sorry.
Do you have a, uh...Copy !req
254. You know, I really only smoke
when I drink.Copy !req
255. Oh. Well, this is nice.Copy !req
256. This is a nice way
to do this.Copy !req
257. Look, we need to know:
have you seen this girl?Copy !req
258. Quick!
He's getting away!Copy !req
259. Oh, no, he's one of those
parkour, free-running guys.Copy !req
260. We'll never catch him!Copy !req
261. Oh, no. I have
chateau'ed myself.Copy !req
262. Damn it. He died before he could
tell us anything.Copy !req
263. Brian, he's
the first guy.Copy !req
264. The first guy
always dies.Copy !req
265. Well, I'm sure
he didn't work alone.Copy !req
266. Maybe there's something
in here we can use.Copy !req
267. Ugh, this guy has
a Velcro wallet.Copy !req
268. Grow up.Copy !req
269. All right, this is the address
that was in his wallet.Copy !req
270. Yeah, but how are we
gonna know for sureCopy !req
271. if these are the guys
who took Meg?Copy !req
272. Well, we have the kidnapper's
voice on tape, remember?Copy !req
273. Drakkar Noir.Copy !req
274. I can use the voice
recognition softwareCopy !req
275. in this recorder
to confirm a match.Copy !req
276. Now, here.Copy !req
277. Take this briefcase.Copy !req
278. We're Eastern European
cologne salesmen.Copy !req
279. We ask them
what they want,Copy !req
280. and when they say
"Drakkar Noir"--Copy !req
281. which they all will—Copy !req
282. we'll know
if we have our man.Copy !req
283. Drakkar Noir?Copy !req
284. All right, well,
that's not him,Copy !req
285. but this is
gonna be easy.Copy !req
286. Well, gentlemen,
now that you have smelledCopy !req
287. all of our colognes,
what'll it be?Copy !req
288. I will take
some Drakkar Noir.Copy !req
289. How 'bout you?Copy !req
290. I am disgusting,Copy !req
291. so I will take
two bottle Drakkar Noir.Copy !req
292. How 'bout you, chief?Copy !req
293. Hmm.Copy !req
294. Let me quickly grow beard
and think about it.Copy !req
295. I will take
Drakkar Noir.Copy !req
296. What the hell
are you doing?Copy !req
297. We haven't eaten
since the plane.Copy !req
298. I'm starving.Copy !req
299. Where is this girl?Copy !req
300. Where is she?Copy !req
301. We keep girls upstairs.Copy !req
302. I hope you burn in hell
along with the guyCopy !req
303. who came up with
stuffing a turkey.Copy !req
304. Hey!Copy !req
305. Who wants to try
some of my "Butthole Bread"?Copy !req
306. Meg?Copy !req
307. Meg?Copy !req
308. Help... me.Copy !req
309. Oh, we're here to help
somebody else, sweetheart.Copy !req
310. Go, go, go, go. Don't...
Don't look at her.Copy !req
311. Don't look at her.
That was my mistake.Copy !req
312. Stewie, I don't see
Meg anywhere.Copy !req
313. Brian, look!Copy !req
314. Oh, my God!Copy !req
315. Meg!Copy !req
316. What the hell?Copy !req
317. Where'd you get that hat?Copy !req
318. Uh, a girl
gave it to me.Copy !req
319. Well, what did she
look like?Copy !req
320. She had a great
personality.Copy !req
321. That's her.Copy !req
322. Where is she?
Is she here?Copy !req
323. No, uh, they took her
just a little while ago.Copy !req
324. Every Wednesday night,Copy !req
325. they auction
some of the girls off.Copy !req
326. Wednesday?Copy !req
327. What a weird nightCopy !req
328. to auction girls off
into slavery.Copy !req
329. Well, you know,
on the weekend,Copy !req
330. people probably
have plans.Copy !req
331. Have plans?Copy !req
332. What are you doing
that's more importantCopy !req
333. than buying somebody?Copy !req
334. Look, where is
this place?Copy !req
335. Where do they have
the auction?Copy !req
336. I don't know,Copy !req
337. but there is
a courtesy shuttleCopy !req
338. that runs
every 20 minutes.Copy !req
339. What?Copy !req
340. Aw, damn it.
We just missed it.Copy !req
341. What do you wanna do
for 20 minutes?Copy !req
342. Well, I don't know
'bout you,Copy !req
343. but I'm gonna work out.Copy !req
344. That's how you stay in shape.Copy !req
345. You just fit it in
when you have free time,Copy !req
346. wherever you are,
wherever you can.Copy !req
347. There's semen on this floor.Copy !req
348. Stewie, look!Copy !req
349. We gotta get in there!Copy !req
350. Hey, got one more here!Copy !req
351. Oh, where are we?Copy !req
352. I'm from Atlanta.Copy !req
353. I don't know
where we are!Copy !req
354. Hey, you better hurry.
They're starting soon.Copy !req
355. You know what's messed up?Copy !req
356. This is all for charity.Copy !req
357. All the proceeds
are going to Oxfam.Copy !req
358. I hope we're not too late.Copy !req
359. You should not
be out here.Copy !req
360. Bidding is about
to start.
What the hell?Copy !req
361. Stewie!Copy !req
362. The current bid is $200,000.Copy !req
363. Oh, my God.Copy !req
364. Going once, twice...Copy !req
365. Sold for $200,000.Copy !req
366. There is cash back
when you use your Visa Gold.Copy !req
367. Our next item appears to be
a late entry.Copy !req
368. It is not in the catalog.Copy !req
369. What the hell?Copy !req
370. All right, fellas,
bring the lights up a bit,Copy !req
371. play the CD I gave you
and let's do this!Copy !req
372. Ah, that's right.
You like that?Copy !req
373. I have $50,000.
♪ Daisy Dukes, bikinis on topCopy !req
374. I have $75,000.
♪ Sun-kissed skin so hot...Copy !req
375. Thank you, Brett Ratner.Copy !req
376. Do I have $100,000?Copy !req
377. Oh, for God's sake.
$500,000.Copy !req
378. We have $500,000.Copy !req
379. Going once, going twice,Copy !req
380. sold...Copy !req
381. to the man
who doesn't quite get auctions.Copy !req
382. That was so fun.Copy !req
383. How do you
be paying?Copy !req
384. Oh, I, uh, I don't
have any money.Copy !req
385. Can we work it out,Copy !req
386. uh, maybe, some...
other way?Copy !req
387. Wait a minute.Copy !req
388. Something doesn't
smell funny here.Copy !req
389. You're not Arab!Copy !req
390. You two are coming
with me.Copy !req
391. This next girl is perfectCopy !req
392. for those of you
who want to buy a sex slaveCopy !req
393. but don't want to spend
sex-slave money.Copy !req
394. Oh, my God, Meg!Copy !req
395. Wonder what music
they're gonna use for her?Copy !req
396. Huh, seems about right.Copy !req
397. Damn it. We were so close
to saving Meg.Copy !req
398. Hey, where's my sister?Copy !req
399. She's probably having
her shish kabobbed as we speak.Copy !req
400. I heard that from Samantha
in Sex and the City 2.Copy !req
401. Ah-ba-ba-ba-ba,
I haven't seen it yet.Copy !req
402. That doesn't hurt
the story.Copy !req
403. And now prepare to...Copy !req
404. We have a jail cell.Copy !req
405. I always tell them,Copy !req
406. "Put the prisoners
in the jail cell,"Copy !req
407. but they always say,
"Just chain 'em up to a pipe."Copy !req
408. Idiots.Copy !req
409. Hey, that was some
good teamwork, Brian.Copy !req
410. We were like Lewis and ClarkCopy !req
411. and the guy who likes
to tip over canoes.Copy !req
412. Ugh, these rapids
are treacherous.Copy !req
413. We should reach calmer waters
by nightfall.Copy !req
414. Uh-oh!
Earthquake!Copy !req
415. Hey, come on!Copy !req
416. Careful!Copy !req
417. Damn it. Why is he
still with us?Copy !req
418. I know!Copy !req
419. Until now, walking
to the other endCopy !req
420. of the United States seemed
like such a good job.Copy !req
421. There she is! Hurry!Copy !req
422. Stewie, what are you doing?Copy !req
423. We'll never catch
a speeding car on foot.Copy !req
424. Haven't you ever seen
an action movie?Copy !req
425. All we have to doCopy !req
426. is cut diagonally
across any nearby field.Copy !req
427. See?Copy !req
428. Aw, crap, they're taking her
onto that yacht.Copy !req
429. All right, we just gotta
catch up to the boat.Copy !req
430. Well, how we
gonna do that?Copy !req
431. Oh, cool!
They got Car Chase GPS.Copy !req
432. Back up dangerously
into traffic.Copy !req
433. Proceed wrong way
down busy street for 500 meters.Copy !req
434. Say "hang on"
and drive down staircase.Copy !req
435. Hang on!Copy !req
436. Poorly edited shot where driver
is obviously stuntperson.Copy !req
437. Leave fart in closed car
like a dick.Copy !req
438. Sorry about that!Copy !req
439. All right, they're probably
holding her below deck.Copy !req
440. You take the right side.
I'll take the left.Copy !req
441. You're gonna need this.Copy !req
442. What? I-I-I've never
killed anybody before.Copy !req
443. Relax, they're Arabs.Copy !req
444. People will still be rooting
for you.Copy !req
445. Hey!Copy !req
446. Son of a bitch.Copy !req
447. Oh. This is like
a video game.Copy !req
448. Ah, I'm kinda good at this.Copy !req
449. Later, dink.Copy !req
450. That's for shooting
one of our guys!Copy !req
451. We got you!
In your face!Copy !req
452. Our boat!
Our boat!Copy !req
453. This boat!Copy !req
454. Let me go,
you fat bastard!Copy !req
455. I will never be
your sex slave!Copy !req
456. You misunderstand.Copy !req
457. I did not buy you
to be my slave.Copy !req
458. I bought you for my son,
and not to be his slave,Copy !req
459. but to be his wife.Copy !req
460. Wife?Copy !req
461. Faisal!Copy !req
462. This is Faisal,Copy !req
463. my son and the heir
to my throne.Copy !req
464. My father was correct.Copy !req
465. Your beauty
knows no bounds.Copy !req
466. Fair goddess,
it is my hopeCopy !req
467. that you will agree
to be my wife,Copy !req
468. but the choice is yours.Copy !req
469. If you say "no,"Copy !req
470. I will have you flown back
to your familyCopy !req
471. on our private jet.Copy !req
472. But if you say "yes,"Copy !req
473. I will spend
the rest of my daysCopy !req
474. making your every wish
come true.Copy !req
475. Will you be my wife,
Princess Meg?Copy !req
476. Oh, yes! Yes!Copy !req
477. Nooooo!Copy !req
478. Stewie?Copy !req
479. Hi, Meg.Copy !req
480. Oh, honey, we are so glad
to have you back,Copy !req
481. but you really don't
remember anything?Copy !req
482. Not really, Mom.Copy !req
483. I mean, one minute,
I was being proposed toCopy !req
484. by a handsome
Arabian prince,Copy !req
485. and the next thing
I know,Copy !req
486. I'm waking up
in a French hospital.Copy !req
487. Oh, and we heard
from Ruth's parents.Copy !req
488. She had her tongue ripped out.Copy !req
489. I guess we got off easy, huh?Copy !req
490. Well, we put
all your mailCopy !req
491. on the desk in your room,
sweetheart.Copy !req
492. Thanks, Dad.Copy !req
493. I'm kidding.
You didn't get any mail.Copy !req