1. Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.Copy !req
2. Our top story tonight,
scientists at NASACopy !req
3. have made a fascinating
new discovery:Copy !req
4. the first directly observable
instance of a black hole,Copy !req
5. which appears to be located
just outside our solar system.Copy !req
6. Tricia Takanawa
has the story.Copy !req
7. Tom, I'm standing here
with Stephen Hawking,Copy !req
8. the first white
man I've ever metCopy !req
9. who knows math
better than me.Copy !req
10. Mr. Hawking, what does the
discovery of this black holeCopy !req
11. mean to you and
your research?Copy !req
12. (computerized voice):
I am overjoyed.Copy !req
13. This is the crowning
achievement of my career.Copy !req
14. It validates the work
of a lifetime.Copy !req
15. It certainly does.Copy !req
16. Back to you, Tom.Copy !req
17. All right,
we're clear.Copy !req
18. (normal voice):
I'm telling you, man,Copy !req
19. this shtick is
getting so old.Copy !req
20. That chair smells, dude.Copy !req
21. Hey, Steve, surf's up!Copy !req
22. All right!
See you, bitch!Copy !req
23. Everyone, guess what.Copy !req
24. What?Copy !req
25. I have been selected.Copy !req
26. For what?Copy !req
27. Oh, nothing too important,
just jury duty!Copy !req
28. They have summoned me.Copy !req
29. I am part of an elite group
of individualsCopy !req
30. deemed intelligent enough
to decideCopy !req
31. the fate of a fellow citizen.Copy !req
32. Ah, the amused laughter
of the envious.Copy !req
33. You know, they don't just
pick anybody for this job.Copy !req
34. Yeah, they do.Copy !req
35. Brian, perhaps I have not
made myself clear.Copy !req
36. I have been entrusted
to pass judgment upon others.Copy !req
37. Everybody gets called for
jury duty, you stupid idiot!Copy !req
38. I've been called!Copy !req
39. The only reason you've
never been calledCopy !req
40. is that they use the
voter registration list,Copy !req
41. and this past election is the
first time you ever voted.Copy !req
42. I voted before.Copy !req
43. I stuffed the ballot box
at the Oscars.Copy !req
44. And the nominees for Best Actor
in a Leading Role are:Copy !req
45. Grover, Bluto from Popeye,Copy !req
46. a red guy, a boobCopy !req
47. and Daniel Day Lewis.Copy !req
48. And the Oscar goes to...Copy !req
49. a red guy!
(cheering, orchestra playing)Copy !req
50. Wait a second.
Y-You're saying thatCopy !req
51. everyone is asked
to do jury duty?Copy !req
52. Yes, Peter.Copy !req
53. So then, I'm not special?Copy !req
54. Everyone's special, Peter.Copy !req
55. Rock Drummer
Tommy Lee?Copy !req
56. And if your wife ever tells you
that you're not special,Copy !req
57. punch her really hard
right in her hepatitis.Copy !req
58. Thanks, Rock
Drummer Tommy Lee!Copy !req
59. Hey, and you know
what else is cool?Copy !req
60. Having sex
with sunglasses on.Copy !req
61. I've got a lot of
things to try now!Copy !req
62. I don't want
to go to jury duty.Copy !req
63. Turns out it's not a special
honor at all. It's lame.Copy !req
64. And the worst part is,
they try and trick youCopy !req
65. into getting excited
by putting "duty" in the title.Copy !req
66. So, you were excited
when you thoughtCopy !req
67. there was fecal
matter involved?Copy !req
68. What the hell
is fecal matter?Copy !req
69. Waste.
Huh?Copy !req
70. Doody.
Ha-ha!Copy !req
71. Peter, jury duty is an
important cornerstoneCopy !req
72. in our democratic
society.Copy !req
73. Yeah, that's what separates us
from the monkeys.Copy !req
74. That and the armed guards
at the zoo.Copy !req
75. Man, they got some
sexy monkeys down there.Copy !req
76. I don't care,
jury duty sounds boring.Copy !req
77. I'm gonna get myself kicked out.Copy !req
78. Just like I got
kicked out of Coldplay.Copy !req
79. Guys, guys, I got an idea!Copy !req
80. How 'bout we do a song
that's not whiny bull crap?Copy !req
81. All right, ladies
and gentlemen.Copy !req
82. We're gonna ask you a series
of questions to determineCopy !req
83. whether or not you can
be impartial jurors.Copy !req
84. First off, do any of
you have any prejudicesCopy !req
85. you feel the court
should know of?Copy !req
86. Yes, you sir.Copy !req
87. Ants. I hate ants.Copy !req
88. What?
That's right, you heard me.Copy !req
89. I'm an ant hater.Copy !req
90. Just like my daddy
and his daddy before him.Copy !req
91. So, if this is
an ant trial, forget it.Copy !req
92. No way I'm gonna be fair.Copy !req
93. Always making those
cocky little hills.Copy !req
94. Moving around
all single file and stupid.Copy !req
95. All ganging up and walking
my pie off the picnic blanket.Copy !req
96. 'Twas my pie gone missing!Copy !req
97. Sir, this is not
an ant trial.Copy !req
98. Oh.Copy !req
99. Is there anything else
we should know about?Copy !req
100. Oh, have you not heard?
Heard what?Copy !req
101. All right, now the prosecution
is about to show youCopy !req
102. items pertinent to this caseCopy !req
103. that have been entered
into evidence.Copy !req
104. It is vitally important
that you look but don't touch,Copy !req
105. as any fingerprints
could contaminate them.Copy !req
106. Exhibit A, one
bloody Slinky.Copy !req
107. (sighs):
Oh.Copy !req
108. Exhibit B, one semen-covered
View-Master.Copy !req
109. (sighs louder):
Oh!Copy !req
110. With the reel of
the Grand Canyon.Copy !req
111. (sighs louder):
Oh!Copy !req
112. And a blood-splattered
Mr. Potato Head.Copy !req
113. (sighs louder):
Oh!Copy !req
114. And these socks
you really need.Copy !req
115. (groans):
Oh!Copy !req
116. All right, everyone, we're going
to take a ten-minute recess.Copy !req
117. I would like to remind members
of the jury that you areCopy !req
118. forbidden to discuss details of
the case outside the courtroom.Copy !req
119. Hey, how about
this trial, huh?Copy !req
120. And all its details.
Let's discuss them.Copy !req
121. He said not to!Copy !req
122. Aw, hey, you know
how the judge told usCopy !req
123. not to make up
our minds beforehand?Copy !req
124. Let's make up our minds.Copy !req
125. Griffin, shut up!Copy !req
126. Hey, I know the judge saidCopy !req
127. not to run in the hall,
but check this out!Copy !req
128. Griffin! Knock it off!Copy !req
129. Hey, come on, Judge,
tell us the answer.Copy !req
130. The Mexican guy
did it, right?Copy !req
131. We now return to How Henry
Kissinger Met Your Mother.Copy !req
132. (German accent):
I was walking with my professorCopy !req
133. when I saw this
woman who was...Copy !req
134. Stewie, can you please move?Copy !req
135. You're blocking the TV.Copy !req
136. No! And I'll thank
you to quiet down.Copy !req
137. I'm playing
action figures.Copy !req
138. Prepare to be bested
on the battlefield, Lion-O.Copy !req
139. Oh, I don't think so, He-Man.Copy !req
140. Ow!Copy !req
141. Oh, I'm sorry,
did I punch you too hard?Copy !req
142. Yes, I suppose you don't know
your own strength.Copy !req
143. I mean, look at your muscles.Copy !req
144. Oh, stop it, you're the one
with the sick abs.Copy !req
145. God, my mouth is watering
just looking at you.Copy !req
146. Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
147. You buy your kids
ridiculously homoerotic dollsCopy !req
148. and then ask what happened?Copy !req
149. Yep. Your gay son
is on you, buddy.Copy !req
150. Explain that to your god.Copy !req
151. Off to another day
of jury duty, sweetie?Copy !req
152. Yeah, and it sucks.Copy !req
153. Even the vending machines
are out of order.Copy !req
154. I don't want to go back
to stupid jury duty.Copy !req
155. There's got to be some
way I can get out of it.Copy !req
156. This is Tom Tucker
with some breaking news.Copy !req
157. NASA has made
the alarming announcementCopy !req
158. that the newly discovered
black holeCopy !req
159. at the edge of our solar system
appears to be expanding.Copy !req
160. Neptune and Pluto have
already been consumed,Copy !req
161. and scientists estimate
that the event horizonCopy !req
162. will reach Earth by tomorrow.Copy !req
163. That's right, Tom.Copy !req
164. Which means that
all life on EarthCopy !req
165. will be destroyed
within 24 hours.Copy !req
166. Oh, my God!Copy !req
167. Mom, is, is this for real?Copy !req
168. Well, it sure looks
that way, sweetie.Copy !req
169. It's the end
of the world!Copy !req
170. Holy crap!Copy !req
171. Seems like I've run out
of waiting time.Copy !req
172. but it looks like
Nicole Ritchie's babyCopy !req
173. is gonna be just fine.Copy !req
174. Also in the news,
the doomsday clock is tickingCopy !req
175. with less than 19 hours to go
before our planetCopy !req
176. is consumed by
an expanding black hole.Copy !req
177. As Americans everywhere
face their last day on Earth,Copy !req
178. one can only imagine
how they're spending it.Copy !req
179. Hey, Mort.Copy !req
180. Now that the end
of the world is here,Copy !req
181. I just wanted to say
no hard feelings, huh?Copy !req
182. (buzzer sounds)
Ow!Copy !req
183. Psych! Ha-ha!Copy !req
184. Embedded in the hand.Copy !req
185. Have fun where you're going.Copy !req
186. Well, it's become clear,Copy !req
187. the only way
to avert this disasterCopy !req
188. is by writing a strongly-worded
letter to the black hole.Copy !req
189. "Dear space.Copy !req
190. "Well, you're just full
of surprises, aren't you?Copy !req
191. "You think you're so good
'cause you went to Choate.Copy !req
192. "Well, you're not
gonna be so toughCopy !req
193. "when I put a fish bowl
on my headCopy !req
194. and a rocket pack on my back and
come up there and punch you."Copy !req
195. Take that, Orion!Copy !req
196. That's right.Copy !req
197. All you are is a failed
production company.Copy !req
198. Joe, Joe, you
got to help me.Copy !req
199. You got to help
me get laid!Copy !req
200. What are you
talking about, Quagmire?Copy !req
201. I got to get laid!Copy !req
202. You got to help
me get laid!Copy !req
203. I've never had sex!Copy !req
204. What do you mean?
You've had sex a million times.Copy !req
205. Aw, that's
all bluster.Copy !req
206. I just talk big
for the fellas.Copy !req
207. I'm a virgin, Joe!Copy !req
208. I don't want to
die a virgin!Copy !req
209. Help me, please!Copy !req
210. Let me have sex
with Bonnie!Copy !req
211. I guess so.Copy !req
212. For my friend,
on our last day on Earth.Copy !req
213. You're a good
man, Joe Swanson.Copy !req
214. How was your first time?Copy !req
215. Ah, I've had sex
lots of times.Copy !req
216. I just wanted to
have it again!Copy !req
217. Screw you!Copy !req
218. Who else but Quagmire?Copy !req
219. Well, Diane, now that
our time is almost up,Copy !req
220. just to lighten the mood,
we introduce a new featureCopy !req
221. called Tom's Crank Calls.Copy !req
222. Let's dial that number,
shall we?Copy !req
223. Hello, is this Megan Fox?Copy !req
224. I will kill you,
do you understand?Copy !req
225. If I can't have you,
no one can.Copy !req
226. I will kill you.
This is Tom Tucker.Copy !req
227. Well, I know who you are.Copy !req
228. It's fun to see how people react
when they're on the spot.Copy !req
229. Look, since these
are our final hours,Copy !req
230. I want you kids
to know how muchCopy !req
231. your father
and I love youCopy !req
232. and how important
this family is to us.Copy !req
233. Oh, I'm scared.Copy !req
234. I wonder what it's like to die.Copy !req
235. I don't know, but from the
look in a stray cat's eyesCopy !req
236. when you're pushing
on its windpipe,Copy !req
237. I think it's
pretty terrifying.Copy !req
238. Like, panicky.Copy !req
239. Hey, Brian, what do you
think is gonna happ—Copy !req
240. What was that—Copy !req
241. You were praying.Copy !req
242. Come on, no, I wasn't.Copy !req
243. Yes, you were.Copy !req
244. You were
praying, I saw!Copy !req
245. No, man, it was a joke!Copy !req
246. You were praying!Copy !req
247. It was a goof!
I was goofing on you!Copy !req
248. You're, you're,
you're disingenuous.Copy !req
249. Hello, everybody.Copy !req
250. This is Montecore.
He's my lion.Copy !req
251. I have a lion now.Copy !req
252. Peter, what
the hell?Copy !req
253. You know, I went
to the zoo last weekCopy !req
254. and asked if I could do it,
and they told me to scram.Copy !req
255. Went to the zoo this morningCopy !req
256. with a shotgun
and now I have a lion.Copy !req
257. Does it bite?
Of course it bites, it's a lion.Copy !req
258. Peter, get
off the lion.Copy !req
259. We should spend some time
together as a family.Copy !req
260. I don't think so, Lois.Copy !req
261. But the world is ending.Copy !req
262. We should be spending
these final hoursCopy !req
263. with the people we love most.Copy !req
264. Lois, a day ago,
I was stuck on jury duty.Copy !req
265. Today, I have a golden ticket
to do whatever the hell I want.Copy !req
266. I feel like an old guyCopy !req
267. who's reliving
his youthful shenanigans.Copy !req
268. Tell me about when
you were young, Grandpa.Copy !req
269. Oh, sonny, those
were crazy times.Copy !req
270. My friends and I
were out of control.Copy !req
271. We used to give each other
wet-willies and funny arms.Copy !req
272. We'd play dandy-balls and
legs-a-spread and penis-butt.Copy !req
273. Sounds kind of gay, Grandpa.Copy !req
274. It was gay. Everyone was.Copy !req
275. But, back then, we were
called pole-fancies.Copy !req
276. It was real,
good old-fashionedCopy !req
277. "grab the nearest tree and
hold on for dear life" gay,Copy !req
278. not today's fancy, featherbed,
thread-count gay.Copy !req
279. People got hurt back then!Copy !req
280. That's gay.Copy !req
281. Yeah, it was pretty gay.Copy !req
282. What the hell are you
doing with a musket?Copy !req
283. Last day on Earth.Copy !req
284. I've always wanted to save
a Native American familyCopy !req
285. from rapacious cavalrymen.Copy !req
286. Yeah...
this one'll do nicely.Copy !req
287. Let her go.Copy !req
288. You don't have to be afraid
of him anymore.Copy !req
289. Stay with us as the countdown
to Doomsday continuesCopy !req
290. with just six more hours to go.Copy !req
291. The only thing that's nice
about this is,Copy !req
292. even though it's a Tuesday,Copy !req
293. it feels kind of like
it's a Friday.Copy !req
294. Peter, where are
you going?Copy !req
295. Last day on Earth,
last chance to do this.Copy !req
296. I'm gonna find
a black neighborhoodCopy !req
297. and see what happensCopy !req
298. if I yell
the you-know-what word.Copy !req
299. They respected me
for saying it.Copy !req
300. Well, ladies and gentlemen,
this is it,Copy !req
301. our final minutes.Copy !req
302. Any moment now,
the Earth will be suckedCopy !req
303. into the gaping maw
of the black hole.Copy !req
304. We here at Channel Five would
like to leave youCopy !req
305. with some highlights of
mankind's brief existence,Copy !req
306. like the Battle of Hastings.Copy !req
307. Guys, if we win this,
we get Hastings!Copy !req
308. Yeah, let's do it!Copy !req
309. Let's go!
All right, Hastings!Copy !req
310. The Ottoman Empire.Copy !req
311. Ah, I could get
used to this.Copy !req
312. You know what?Copy !req
313. This is what I want
our empire to be about.Copy !req
314. The first television broadcast.Copy !req
315. And with only
30 seconds to go,Copy !req
316. we thank you
for choosing Channel FiveCopy !req
317. as your Armageddon network.Copy !req
318. Mom, where's Dad?Copy !req
319. I don't know, Chris.Copy !req
320. Sorry I'm late, guys.Copy !req
321. Peter, where
have you been?Copy !req
322. Look, you try scheduling
a haircut today.Copy !req
323. You know, you'd think
you'd want to spendCopy !req
324. your last day on Earth
with your family!Copy !req
325. Hey, I'm here,
aren't I?Copy !req
326. With only seconds left!Copy !req
327. Don't you love me?Copy !req
328. Of course I love you, Lois!Copy !req
329. You're the most important person
in the world to me!Copy !req
330. You promise?
I promise!Copy !req
331. Ten, nine, eight...Copy !req
332. I just hate being
around the kids.Copy !req
333. What?
six, five,Copy !req
334. Sorry, I just thought
I'd be honest
since we're gonna die.Copy !req
335. three, two, one.Copy !req
336. April Fools!Copy !req
337. What?Copy !req
338. You gotta be
kiddin' me!Copy !req
339. We're not gonna die?Copy !req
340. No, we're not gonna die!Copy !req
341. Wait, what did
Dad just say?Copy !req
342. Yes, April Fools!Copy !req
343. We at Channel Five News
concoctedCopy !req
344. the whole black hole story
as part of our commitmentCopy !req
345. to being festive
around the holidays.Copy !req
346. And with only 87 suicides
and widespread looting,Copy !req
347. we think this was a pretty
successful practical joke.Copy !req
348. You dicks!Copy !req
349. Hey, how do you like
that, Lois?Copy !req
350. We're gonna live!Copy !req
351. Peter, what did you mean
by what you said,Copy !req
352. you hate being
around the kids?Copy !req
353. Yeah, Dad,
what did you mean?Copy !req
354. Don't you like us?
Yeah, what gives?Copy !req
355. Well... Oh, come on.Copy !req
356. I-I didn't mean that.Copy !req
357. I was just joking around.Copy !req
358. Hey, give me a big hug.Copy !req
359. How about a big hug
for old Dad?Copy !req
360. Kids, why don't you
go upstairsCopy !req
361. so your father
and I can talk.Copy !req
362. Yeah, come on, Meg and Chris.Copy !req
363. Let's get out of here.Copy !req
364. Well, I'm off to serve food
at the soup kitchen.Copy !req
365. Now that I lived
through this,Copy !req
366. I kind of have to keepCopy !req
367. a promise I made
to someone.Copy !req
368. It's God!Copy !req
369. Peter, what did you mean?Copy !req
370. (sighs) All right,
you want the truth?Copy !req
371. They bore the hell
out of me, Lois.Copy !req
372. Bore the hell
out of you?Copy !req
373. They're your kids!Copy !req
374. I know,
and I love them,Copy !req
375. but don't you just sometimes
wish they'd run awayCopy !req
376. or get kidnapped
and be made to workCopy !req
377. in a Temple of Doom?Copy !req
378. How can you
even say that?Copy !req
379. Because, Lois, Meg tells a storyCopy !req
380. that makes you want to blow
your brains out,Copy !req
381. Stewie just sits there,Copy !req
382. and Chris is always leaving
his Russian mice around.Copy !req
383. Get out of here!Copy !req
384. (Russian accent):
Okay, okay, you don't have
to yell.Copy !req
385. Let us go find
das vaginya.Copy !req
386. Listen to you! You don't
know your own kids!Copy !req
387. That's the problem!Copy !req
388. It's not them, it's you!Copy !req
389. Me?
Yes, you!Copy !req
390. And you know what?Copy !req
391. You've hurt your kids worse
than any black hole could!Copy !req
392. Lois, you're overreacting.Copy !req
393. This'll all blow over
by tomorrow.Copy !req
394. Morning, (bleep).Copy !req
395. Ha-ha, I'm just kidding!Copy !req
396. So what do we got,
pancakes? Cool!Copy !req
397. Hey, what's on tap
for school today, kids?Copy !req
398. Shut up, Dad.
Whatever.Copy !req
399. So, Chris, how, uh, how are
all your friends at school?Copy !req
400. What do you care?Copy !req
401. You don't even know
who my friends are.Copy !req
402. Sure, I do.Copy !req
403. Um, Chandler...Copy !req
404. Fonzie...Copy !req
405. and Remington Steele?Copy !req
406. You got lucky, Dad.Copy !req
407. So, Stewie, how's everything
going in Lego Land?Copy !req
408. Oh, pretty good.
I made a spaceship...Copy !req
409. Wait a minute.
I'm not talking to you.Copy !req
410. Come on, guys. Let's go eat
in the living room.Copy !req
411. It stinks in here.Copy !req
412. Oh, no, does it stink
'cause I farted?Copy !req
413. 'Cause sometimes
I can suck 'em back up.Copy !req
414. I think we can make up
some of these lossesCopy !req
415. in the third quarter.Copy !req
416. What was that?Copy !req
417. What was what?Copy !req
418. Oh, nothing.Copy !req
419. I thought I smelled a fart,
but now I don't.Copy !req
420. They, uh, they're really pissed
at me, aren't they?Copy !req
421. Oh, look who's
starting to get it.Copy !req
422. Peter, they heard you say
you hate being around them.Copy !req
423. They, they know
you have no interestCopy !req
424. in getting to know them.Copy !req
425. I mean, how-how would you feel?Copy !req
426. Well, right now
I feel like a jerk.Copy !req
427. Peter, if you really
do care about your kids,Copy !req
428. you're gonna have
to earn back their
respect and affection.Copy !req
429. How do I do that?Copy !req
430. You gotta spend
time with themCopy !req
431. and make their interests
your interests.Copy !req
432. (sighs) I guess
you're right, Lois.Copy !req
433. I'm always screwing up.Copy !req
434. Like that time
with Jason Mraz.Copy !req
435. Oh, my God!
You're Jason Mraz!Copy !req
436. No, I'm not.Copy !req
437. I'm just some
guy with a hat.Copy !req
438. Yeah, that's who
Jason Mraz is!Copy !req
439. (sweetly):
Hey, buddy.Copy !req
440. What's going on?Copy !req
441. You having
your period?
What?Copy !req
442. I'm just trying
to take an interest
in your interests.Copy !req
443. My period's
not an interest.Copy !req
444. It's something
that happens to meCopy !req
445. that I cannot control.Copy !req
446. Gross.Copy !req
447. All right, I'm gonna
go talk to Chris.Copy !req
448. Hi, Chris.
Hello... Peter.Copy !req
449. You know, I was
just thinking,Copy !req
450. when I was your age, my Uncle
Roy shared a beer with me.Copy !req
451. I drank it, and I was so
excited, I fell asleep.Copy !req
452. I must have tossed and
turned something fierce,Copy !req
453. 'cause when I woke up,
my pants were off.Copy !req
454. Never saw much of
Uncle Roy after that.Copy !req
455. Turns out we weren't
even related.Copy !req
456. Anyway, I thought
him sharing that
beer with meCopy !req
457. was the coolest
thing ever.Copy !req
458. And I know nowadays
things are different...Copy !req
459. so I got some
crystal meth.Copy !req
460. I figured we could do it
together as father and son.Copy !req
461. I don't know
about that.Copy !req
462. Tell you what,
I'll get us started.Copy !req
463. Ah... That feels...
that feels better.Copy !req
464. You sure
that stuff is okay?Copy !req
465. All I know is the guys
who made it are dead.Copy !req
466. Why is there no hole
in this wall?Copy !req
467. You know, this thing
is bugging me.Copy !req
468. All right, I'm
gonna take a hike.Copy !req
469. So, you gonna introduce me
to your pals?Copy !req
470. That's Trapjaw.Copy !req
471. That's Optimus Prime.Copy !req
472. That's Destro.Copy !req
473. And that's a Care Bear.Copy !req
474. You having a tea party?Copy !req
475. No, we're working out
a land deal.Copy !req
476. Trapjaw is trying
to get a varianceCopy !req
477. to build an unpermitted
structure within ten feetCopy !req
478. of Optimus Prime's
property line.Copy !req
479. Destro is the City Councilman
who's telling TrapjawCopy !req
480. that he has to file it
as an accessory structure,Copy !req
481. and even then it can only be
built at the rear of the lot.Copy !req
482. And the Care Bear
is just a Care Bear.Copy !req
483. I am so (bleep) ready!Copy !req
484. I don't know, Lois,
I tried my best.Copy !req
485. I don't know what else
I possibly could have done.Copy !req
486. Peter, you're just gonna
have to do better.Copy !req
487. Somehow you gotta
let those kids knowCopy !req
488. that they matter to you.Copy !req
489. (sighs) I'll try, Lois.Copy !req
490. Kids, come in here!Copy !req
491. Your father's got
something to say!Copy !req
492. Look, I know you kids
ain't too happyCopy !req
493. with your dad right now,Copy !req
494. but I hope at least you
could see that I'm trying.Copy !req
495. I mean, I know sometimes we
don't get along with each other.Copy !req
496. Hell, if we
weren't all related,Copy !req
497. this would be like the worst
table at the wedding.Copy !req
498. But we're, we're part
of a family.Copy !req
499. And I'm still your father.Copy !req
500. And I promise I love you.Copy !req
501. Well, then how come you said
you hated spending time with us?Copy !req
502. Look, I may not have said
exactly what I meant.Copy !req
503. But I-I can still be your dadCopy !req
504. even if we don't have any
of the same interests.Copy !req
505. So what do you say,
are we a family again?Copy !req
506. I don't buy it.
Me neither.Copy !req
507. When you jumped through
my ceiling, you let an owl in.Copy !req
508. I know they're
supposed to be wise,Copy !req
509. but all it did was shriek
and poop out half-digested mice.Copy !req
510. Well, then I guess
there's only one thingCopy !req
511. I can do to regain your love.Copy !req
512. Who wants a brand new Xbox?Copy !req
513. Yay!
Oh, Daddy!Copy !req
514. Oh, my God,
you're the best father ever!Copy !req
515. Well, I guess if you can't earn
your kids' respect,Copy !req
516. you can always buy it.Copy !req
517. There's some awesome stuff
in the garbage.Copy !req
518. Dad, can we please have
a turn at the Xbox?Copy !req
519. Just a second, Meg.
I'm still trying
to get the hang of this.Copy !req
520. Okay, guys,
tell me again,Copy !req
521. uh, now, which one
do I press to shoot now?Copy !req
522. Damn it! Ah, crap.Copy !req
523. Who's the douchebag
who keeps dying?Copy !req
524. I'm not
a douchebag. I'm new.Copy !req
525. Look, if you're
no good,Copy !req
526. why don't you just go
hide till the end?Copy !req
527. All right, I'll go crouch
behind the, uh...Copy !req
528. Is this a crouch button?Copy !req
529. Ah! Who dropped
a grenade?Copy !req
530. Idiot!
Learn how to play!Copy !req
531. Moron!
You suck!Copy !req