1. Oh, my!
This place is enormous!Copy !req
2. Aw, man, they got these
little plastic disc guns.Copy !req
3. I haven't seen one
since Cleveland's wedding.Copy !req
4. Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here todayCopy !req
5. to celebrate the joining of
these two young people...Copy !req
6. In the bonds
of holy matrimony...Copy !req
7. consecrated
before God Almighty.Copy !req
8. Hey, Stratego!Copy !req
9. I used to love this game.Copy !req
10. Oh, my God!
Abe Vigoda?Copy !req
11. Go bother Steve Guttenberg.Copy !req
12. He's behind
the Chinese checkers.Copy !req
13. Abe, shut up!Copy !req
14. Hey, look at me, Chris.Copy !req
15. I'm Yanni,
sans the attitude.Copy !req
16. My God, that's amazing!Copy !req
17. You are so talented!Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. Wait a second.Copy !req
20. Something's not
right here.Copy !req
21. You were just making it
look like you were playing.Copy !req
22. You're a phony!Copy !req
23. Hey! This guy's
a great big phony!Copy !req
24. Come on, Chris.Copy !req
25. Oh, there you are, Stewie.Copy !req
26. Hey, you're a great big phony,
you know that?Copy !req
27. Come on, Stewie. Your mom
and I have something for you.Copy !req
28. Oh, let me guess.Copy !req
29. You've picked out yet another
colorful box with a crankCopy !req
30. that I'm expected to turn
and turnCopy !req
31. until, ooh, big shocker:
a Jack pops out.Copy !req
32. And you laugh, and the kids
laugh, and the dog laughsCopy !req
33. and I die a little inside.Copy !req
34. - ( gasps )
Surprise, honey.Copy !req
35. A trikey!Copy !req
36. I think he likes it.Copy !req
37. When I stick this Army guy
with the sharp bayonetCopy !req
38. up my nose,
it tickles my brain.Copy !req
39. Ow! Oh... now I don't know math.Copy !req
40. Give it to me!Copy !req
41. Give it to me now, damn it!Copy !req
42. Not now, Stewie.
When we get home.Copy !req
43. That's right.
You're a big fat phony!Copy !req
44. What I'm about to show youCopy !req
45. is a fight scene from Star Trek,
season one, episode 18.Copy !req
46. And, as a bonus, I'm going
to identify when it's ShatnerCopy !req
47. and when it's his stunt double,
Fred Lubins.Copy !req
48. Let's watch.Copy !req
49. That's Shatner, of course.Copy !req
50. That's Lubins.Copy !req
51. That's Shatner.
That's Lubins.Copy !req
52. That's Shatner.Copy !req
53. That's Lubins.Copy !req
54. Now that's Shatner,
but when I freeze-frameCopy !req
55. you can clearly see Lubins'
coffee cupCopy !req
56. sitting on that rock!Copy !req
57. He is the biggest dork
on the planet!Copy !req
58. Oh, totally.Copy !req
59. And so, because of his rough-
and-tumble style of commandCopy !req
60. Captain Kirk is clearly superior
to Jean-Luc Picard.Copy !req
61. Any questions... Meg?Copy !req
62. No. Leave me alone!Copy !req
63. Thank you, Neil,
for that incrediblyCopy !req
64. irrelevant presentation.Copy !req
65. We all know Captain Picard
is the superior officer.Copy !req
66. Ugh!Copy !req
67. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
68. Mr. Lazenby's getting arrested!Copy !req
69. Well, what, in God's name...Copy !req
70. Mr. Lazenby, what the hell's
going on here?Copy !req
71. Apparently there's some lawCopy !req
72. against teaching
the evolutionary theoryCopy !req
73. that Gil Gerard used
a time machineCopy !req
74. went back, and ejaculated
into the primordial ooze.Copy !req
75. This stupid country.Copy !req
76. Hello, Tom Tucker liveCopy !req
77. at James Woods High SchoolCopy !req
78. with this sensational
breaking story:Copy !req
79. a teacher caught
molesting children...Copy !req
80. with crackpot theories.Copy !req
81. Full story at 11:00.Copy !req
82. And out.Copy !req
83. Oh, my God!Copy !req
84. That's Tom Tucker
from the news!Copy !req
85. Hey, kids, remember,
Mr. T saysCopy !req
86. "I pity the fool
who does drugs."Copy !req
87. Better hurry up, Mr. Tucker.Copy !req
88. I'm coming.Copy !req
89. And reports indicate
she has also consumedCopy !req
90. a record amount
of seamen.Copy !req
91. Well, that sounds like one
powerful hurricane, Diane.Copy !req
92. In other newsCopy !req
93. school board elections
took place last eveningCopy !req
94. and with six precincts reportingCopy !req
95. candidate Fred Johnson leads
candidate Betsy LebowCopy !req
96. by a substantial margin.Copy !req
97. Hi, Meg.Copy !req
98. You know how cute
I think you are.Copy !req
99. Whoa!Copy !req
100. Yikes.Copy !req
101. Awkward.Copy !req
102. Hey, you know who lives
in this house?Copy !req
103. A great big phony!Copy !req
104. That's right!Copy !req
105. A phony lives here!Copy !req
106. A big fat phony!Copy !req
107. I say, look at me.Copy !req
108. I feel
like a regular grease monkey.Copy !req
109. Hey, remember that time
I had that Mustang?Copy !req
110. Oh, yeah, you took it
for a spin that time.Copy !req
111. Yeah, that was awesome!Copy !req
112. Then those chowder-heads on the
corner, they busted your stones.Copy !req
113. Hey, your sister say
anything about me?Copy !req
114. Oh, my God! I'm
missing the news!Copy !req
115. We all miss The News, MegCopy !req
116. but Huey Lewis needs time
to createCopy !req
117. and we have to learn
to be patient.Copy !req
118. And, in entertainmentCopy !req
119. Mary Tyler Moore is
64-years-old today.Copy !req
120. Really? 64?Copy !req
121. Yes.Copy !req
122. Now, I thought she was dead.Copy !req
123. Nope. She's alive.Copy !req
124. Fantastic.
And now this.Copy !req
125. Are you an area high
school student interestedCopy !req
126. in the glamorous world
of unpaid internships?Copy !req
127. If so, we'd like to invite youCopy !req
128. to try out for Channel Five's
Young Anchor Program.Copy !req
129. Oh, wow!Copy !req
130. You'll gain valuable experienceCopy !req
131. have a chance to work closely
with Tom and meCopy !req
132. and, best of all,
produce your own on-air report.Copy !req
133. So call us now.Copy !req
134. Yeah!Copy !req
135. All right, question #1:Copy !req
136. Would you consider
growing a mustache?Copy !req
137. I guess so.Copy !req
138. Question #2:Copy !req
139. Look at my mustache.Copy !req
140. Do you think it tickles women
when I kiss them?Copy !req
141. I... I don't know.Copy !req
142. Wrong.Copy !req
143. The answer is:
"Only slightly. Only slightly."Copy !req
144. Next.Copy !req
145. Oh, God, I can't hireCopy !req
146. any of these girls.Copy !req
147. They're all too pretty.Copy !req
148. Their breasts are too perky.Copy !req
149. ( gasps ):
Perfect!Copy !req
150. Congratulations!
You got the job.Copy !req
151. Oh, my God!Copy !req
152. Oh, oh, thank you,
thank you, thank you.Copy !req
153. This is beyond anything
I've ever dreamed of!Copy !req
154. You and your
partner will startCopy !req
155. first thing tomorrow
after school.Copy !req
156. - Great! Who's my partner?
- Hey, there, hot stuff.Copy !req
157. Well, well.Copy !req
158. It appears the fates have conspired
in our favor, eh, Meg?Copy !req
159. Look, stay away from me, Neil.Copy !req
160. Just because
we're working togetherCopy !req
161. does not mean
I have to like you.Copy !req
162. Give it to me!Copy !req
163. What's that?Copy !req
164. Give it to me, Neil!Copy !req
165. Give it to me!Copy !req
166. Give it to me, Neil!Copy !req
167. Yeah, that'll work just fine.Copy !req
168. Ugh!Copy !req
169. Hey, look who's here, Diane.Copy !req
170. It's our bright-eyed
young interns.Copy !req
171. Did you two remember
to wear your eager caps?Copy !req
172. I sure did, Mr. Tucker.Copy !req
173. Great! 'Cause you two are going
to have so much fun.Copy !req
174. Don't act any cheerier, Diane.Copy !req
175. You'll give us all diabetes.Copy !req
176. Bite me, Tom.Copy !req
177. Come on, kids.Copy !req
178. And here's where we produceCopy !req
179. our in-studio
celebrity interviews.Copy !req
180. I just did one
with Dustin Hoffman.Copy !req
181. He's almost impossible to book,
but we got him.Copy !req
182. So, Dustin, it's been a while.Copy !req
183. I got to say, you look great.Copy !req
184. Are you trying to seduce me,
Mr. Tucker?Copy !req
185. I am not tryingCopy !req
186. to seduce you, Dustin Hoffman.Copy !req
187. You really look great.Copy !req
188. Uh-oh. 12 minutes to Wapner.Copy !req
189. Yes, I understand
your hectic schedule.Copy !req
190. Well, Dustin, we really
appreciate you taking the timeCopy !req
191. to be with us here
in the studio.Copy !req
192. If there's anything
I can ever do for you.Copy !req
193. Bring me Peter Pan!Copy !req
194. I'll keep my eye out for him.Copy !req
195. Thanks, Dustin.Copy !req
196. He's this tall.Copy !req
197. Uh, can you
believe it?Copy !req
198. Our little Stewie learning to ride
his first tricycle.Copy !req
199. Yeah, this is going to be even
more excitingCopy !req
200. than when Brian taught me
about Christopher Columbus.Copy !req
201. Where are we
going, Brian?Copy !req
202. Peter, we're going
to visit the year 1492.Copy !req
203. That's when Columbus set sailCopy !req
204. on his famous voyage
to the New World.Copy !req
205. We're on a ship.
That's right.Copy !req
206. The Santa Maria—
one of three shipsCopy !req
207. Columbus took
to find a direct route to India.Copy !req
208. Any sign of India yet, fellas?Copy !req
209. Nothing yet, Captain.Copy !req
210. India! But I thought
Columbus was going to America!Copy !req
211. On the contrary, Peter.Copy !req
212. Columbus discovered America
entirely by mistake!Copy !req
213. Wow!Copy !req
214. What the deuce do you
think you're doing?Copy !req
215. Back off, fat man.Copy !req
216. Hang on, Stewie.Copy !req
217. What the...?
Hey, hey, let go!Copy !req
218. Get your filthy
paws off.Copy !req
219. Let go! Let go,
I say! Let go!Copy !req
220. Don't let go!Copy !req
221. Oh, this is exhilarating!Copy !req
222. Go, Stewie!Copy !req
223. Yay, Stewie!Copy !req
224. Here. I got to go check
on dinner.Copy !req
225. You keep taping Stewie.Copy !req
226. Don't miss a moment.Copy !req
227. I got it.Copy !req
228. Oh, look...
it's dancing with me.Copy !req
229. It's like there's this
incredibly benevolent forceCopy !req
230. that wants me to know
there's no reason to be afraid.Copy !req
231. Sometimes there's so much beauty
in the worldCopy !req
232. it makes my heart burst.Copy !req
233. It's just some trash blowing
in the wind!Copy !req
234. Do you have any ideaCopy !req
235. how complicated
your circulatory system is?Copy !req
236. Hi, Mr. Tucker.Copy !req
237. I brought you
some Rice Krispies treatsCopy !req
238. 'cause I remember you saying you liked
them once on the news.Copy !req
239. See, look, this one—
it's in a the shape of a heart.Copy !req
240. I'm sorry, but there's
a handsome man in my spoon.Copy !req
241. You'll have to come back later.Copy !req
242. Oh, my God!Copy !req
243. Meg's in love with Tom Tucker!Copy !req
244. Try to move in on my woman,
will you, Tom Tucker?Copy !req
245. Well, no one crosses
Neil GoldmanCopy !req
246. and gets away with it.Copy !req
247. I added a little something
to your coffeeCopy !req
248. that I don't think
you're gonna like.Copy !req
249. Here's your coffee, Mr. Tucker.Copy !req
250. What the hell
is in this?Copy !req
251. Sweet 'N Low!Copy !req
252. That's for trying
to steal my woman!Copy !req
253. Go back and bring it to me with urine
in it like I asked!Copy !req
254. Yes, sir.Copy !req
255. Nice bike.Copy !req
256. Oh, if that's not the understatement
of the century.Copy !req
257. It's cool.Copy !req
258. Too cool for you.Copy !req
259. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
260. No, no, I think it's
right where I'm at.Copy !req
261. Out of my way!Copy !req
262. Oh, well, I see.Copy !req
263. Yes, yes, I suppose
you do have to ride itCopy !req
264. to truly appreciate
its virtues.Copy !req
265. Well, then, I'll just wait
right here till you get back.Copy !req
266. Where the devil is he?Copy !req
267. You've obviously never met
a bully.Copy !req
268. What the deuce do you mean,
"bully"?Copy !req
269. He wasn't taking it
for a test ride. He was just taking it.Copy !req
270. ( gasps )
You... you mean...?Copy !req
271. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
272. He... stole... my... tri... key?Copy !req
273. You know, Mr. TuckerCopy !req
274. has anyone
ever told youCopy !req
275. your eyes are...?
Hang on, sweetie.Copy !req
276. I've got to call Peter JenningsCopy !req
277. and reschedule our golf game.Copy !req
278. This is Peter.Copy !req
279. You know what to do.
( beep )Copy !req
280. Mr. Tucker, Ms. Simmons!Copy !req
281. There's some nut on top of city
hall with a high-powered rifle!Copy !req
282. The gunman has been identifiedCopy !req
283. as the notorious
mass-media murdererCopy !req
284. who targets members
of the press.Copy !req
285. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
286. Mass media murderer?Copy !req
287. You know, I think
this would be a fine opportunityCopy !req
288. to give our interns
some real world experience.Copy !req
289. Hey, that means
you'll get to rideCopy !req
290. in the Action 5
News Chopper.Copy !req
291. I'm so jealous!Copy !req
292. Better put in for
some new interns.Copy !req
293. Good luck.Copy !req
294. I've got Hugh Downs up hereCopy !req
295. and I'm going to splatter
his distinguished careerCopy !req
296. all over the pavement.Copy !req
297. Hey, why me?
Why the media?Copy !req
298. I got my reasons.Copy !req
299. Dan Rather thinks
he can just condenseCopy !req
300. a whole day's worth
of events into a half hour.Copy !req
301. Oh, don't get me
started on Rather that arrogant jerk.Copy !req
302. Really? You know him?Copy !req
303. I'm Hugh Downs. I know everybody.
In fact, he's right down there.Copy !req
304. Where?Copy !req
305. Ha-ha!Copy !req
306. See you later, sucker!Copy !req
307. And, by the way, Rather is
an okay guy in small doses.Copy !req
308. Look how close
we're getting, Meg.Copy !req
309. Hey, that was my
lucky assassin hat!Copy !req
310. Mayday! Mayday!
I'm going down!Copy !req
311. Oh, my God.
We're going to die!Copy !req
312. There's so much of life
I haven't experienced.Copy !req
313. I never even
got the chanceCopy !req
314. to be some drunk
college guy's last resort.Copy !req
315. My years of expensive
orthodontic workCopy !req
316. will be a total waste!Copy !req
317. I never even had my first kiss!Copy !req
318. It's not too late, Meg.Copy !req
319. I'm here for you.Copy !req
320. Time to sign off.Copy !req
321. Remember meCopy !req
322. dirtbag?Copy !req
323. Wow, you saved those
kids' lives, Mr. Downs.Copy !req
324. All in a day's work.Copy !req
325. Remember, if you
ever need meCopy !req
326. just blow this whistle.Copy !req
327. Or call John Stossel's
cell phone.Copy !req
328. Hugh Downs away!Copy !req
329. Oh, honey, thank God
you're safe.Copy !req
330. We were so worried.Copy !req
331. We now go to Junior
Anchor Neil GoldmanCopy !req
332. with exclusive
Channel 5 footageCopy !req
333. from today's
exciting scene.Copy !req
334. Thank you, Diane.Copy !req
335. There may have been some sort
of commotion on the rooftopCopy !req
336. but the real storyCopy !req
337. was inside the mouths
of Meg Griffin and Neil GoldmanCopy !req
338. where a meeting of the tongues,
a summit of salivaCopy !req
339. established
a new world order of love.Copy !req
340. Let's watch it one more time
in super slo-mo.Copy !req
341. This is where we
cease to be Meg and NeilCopy !req
342. and begin life anew as Meil.Copy !req
343. Oh, my God, he put it on TV.Copy !req
344. Oh, isn't
that cute, Peter?Copy !req
345. Our daughter's
first love.Copy !req
346. I just want to kill myself!Copy !req
347. I'm going upstairs right now
and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.Copy !req
348. I'm allergic to peanuts.Copy !req
349. You don't know anything
about me!Copy !req
350. Who was that guy?Copy !req
351. I say, ConstableCopy !req
352. I'd like to reportCopy !req
353. the theft of my tricycle.Copy !req
354. Oh, look at the little baby.Copy !req
355. Aren't you cute?Copy !req
356. Where's your mommy?Copy !req
357. How dare you
condescend to me?Copy !req
358. I demand justice!Copy !req
359. I'm here to turn
myself in.Copy !req
360. I have a dismembered
Baltic hookerCopy !req
361. bleeding through
the tarp in my trunk.Copy !req
362. Oh, look at
the little baby.Copy !req
363. Aren't you cute?Copy !req
364. Where's your mommy?Copy !req
365. Where did you
get that shirt?Copy !req
366. Neil's giving them out.Copy !req
367. Hello, lover.Copy !req
368. Neil, what are you doing?Copy !req
369. I'm not your lover.Copy !req
370. I don't even like you.Copy !req
371. Meg, I strongly suggest
you hold my handCopy !req
372. lest you look like a slut.Copy !req
373. Listen, you freak!Copy !req
374. Tell these people that there's nothing
going on between us.Copy !req
375. Oh, don't be afraid
of the fire, Meg.Copy !req
376. I won't let you burn.Copy !req
377. Al, why haven't
I leaped?Copy !req
378. Uh, Ziggy says
you can't leapCopy !req
379. until she loves you back.Copy !req
380. Don't worry.
I'll get her.Copy !req
381. So what were you
wanting to work on?Copy !req
382. Cardio, upper body, what?Copy !req
383. Upper body, definitely.Copy !req
384. I-I need to get buff
so I can get my tricycle back.Copy !req
385. Well, luckily we're running
a special right nowCopy !req
386. for the next 17 minutes.Copy !req
387. Uh, okay, well, that's,
that's a little unusualCopy !req
388. but, uh, okay, well, tell me.Copy !req
389. Okay, well, the normal planCopy !req
390. is 78 months at 40 a month
and 200 down.Copy !req
391. Watch this, forget the down,
are you watching?Copy !req
392. - Uh...
- Good-bye 40 a month, let's do 35.Copy !req
393. Okay, 35, all right, now, now,
that's the cheapest?Copy !req
394. Yeah, hang on, hang on.Copy !req
395. Trace, can you bring me
some of those free gym bags?Copy !req
396. - Thanks.
- Gosh, you know, I-I, you knowCopy !req
397. I could probably just
do push ups at home.Copy !req
398. Well, let's start you
off with the complete body fat testCopy !req
399. - maybe a heart rate...
- You're actually not hearing me.Copy !req
400. I don't think
this is for me.Copy !req
401. Um, thanks anywayCopy !req
402. and, uh, for the future...Copy !req
403. ( whispering ):
you came on a little strong.Copy !req
404. What's going on here?Copy !req
405. Oh, we invited Neil's
family over for dinner.Copy !req
406. Hi.
Hello.Copy !req
407. You what?Copy !req
408. Yeah, we wanted to get
to know them better.Copy !req
409. Seeing as how the two
of you will one dayCopy !req
410. bless our home with
the pitter-patterCopy !req
411. of sweet little grandchildren
as ugly as sin.Copy !req
412. Meg, you never told meCopy !req
413. your mother was such
a stone-cold fox.Copy !req
414. Now I see where
you get it.Copy !req
415. Meg, he's so charming.Copy !req
416. My name is Chris.Copy !req
417. I'm supposed to be on
my best behavior tonightCopy !req
418. and not mention pooh.Copy !req
419. Oh, God,
what have I done?Copy !req
420. Well...Copy !req
421. let's eat.Copy !req
422. I think it's very, very niceCopy !req
423. that our children
had this wonderful kiss.Copy !req
424. I remember when Muriel
and I had our first kissCopy !req
425. and it was just awful.Copy !req
426. Oh, just awful.Copy !req
427. We were both very sick.Copy !req
428. Weren't we, dear?Copy !req
429. Oh, we were
terribly sick.Copy !req
430. We were both 14,
and it was winterCopy !req
431. and we had terrible
head colds.Copy !req
432. Yes, mine especially
was very bad.Copy !req
433. I had terrible mucus coming
out from inside my noseCopy !req
434. and the other childrenCopy !req
435. they were very nasty to me
about that.Copy !req
436. They said bad,
hurtful things to me.Copy !req
437. They called me Tasty-CakesCopy !req
438. and they would beat me
and stick pine cones in my ass.Copy !req
439. Those were very bad times.Copy !req
440. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.Copy !req
441. Thank you very much.Copy !req
442. Excuse me.Copy !req
443. I'm going to go throw up.Copy !req
444. Ah, please flush
the toilet twice.Copy !req
445. Once for the bulk and
again for the remainder.Copy !req
446. Thank you.Copy !req
447. Oh, she's a dear.Copy !req
448. Hey, you're blocking my light,
you stupid baby.Copy !req
449. You know, my hooligan friendCopy !req
450. I've been racking my brain
in a thus far fruitless attemptCopy !req
451. to resolve our recent
unpleasantness.Copy !req
452. Then it dawned on me.Copy !req
453. Your cruelty merely stems from
some deep-seated inner pain.Copy !req
454. So the obvious remedy is
a healthy dose of outer pain!Copy !req
455. Schoolchildren washing cars
to raise money for charity.Copy !req
456. Is there anything
more arousing?Copy !req
457. Finally, we go to Meg Griffin
for a special Channel FiveCopy !req
458. Junior Anchor segment
on the moon. Meg?Copy !req
459. The moon.Copy !req
460. There's a reason
no one goes there.Copy !req
461. It's cold.
And it's ugly.Copy !req
462. And its surface is plagued with
deep craters and jagged peaks.Copy !req
463. ( gasps ):
Oh, wait.Copy !req
464. That's not the moon.Copy !req
465. It's Neil Goldman's face.Copy !req
466. Recently, many of you saw me
kissing this freak of nature.Copy !req
467. But if I didn't think I was
seconds away from deathCopy !req
468. I would've never done it.Copy !req
469. I mean, who in their
right mind would?Copy !req
470. Well, I went to the streets
to find out.Copy !req
471. Would you kiss this guy?Copy !req
472. Ugh, no.Copy !req
473. No way.Copy !req
474. No.
No.Copy !req
475. No.
No.Copy !req
476. Ugh! God, no.Copy !req
477. What's the matter with you? Oh!Copy !req
478. It's official:
Neil Goldman is unkissable.Copy !req
479. Hear that, Neil?Copy !req
480. I don't like you
and I never will!Copy !req
481. Back to you, Tom.Copy !req
482. Thank you, Meg.Copy !req
483. I guess beggars
can be choosers.Copy !req
484. And now this.Copy !req
485. Well, well, isn't this
a darling picture?Copy !req
486. Let me go, man.Copy !req
487. Tell me, how old are you,
Charlie?Copy !req
488. Seven.
Seven?Copy !req
489. Well, my, my,
you're practically a lady.Copy !req
490. Ironic that your fate is
in the hands of an infant.Copy !req
491. Now tell me where
my tricycle is!Copy !req
492. I don't know.Copy !req
493. I lost it.Copy !req
494. Ow!Copy !req
495. Very well, I have other ways
of obtaining the truth.Copy !req
496. ( crying ):
No! Don't!Copy !req
497. Stewie...Copy !req
498. look what I found.Copy !req
499. My trikey!Copy !req
500. What's going on
down here?Copy !req
501. Oh, we're playing house.Copy !req
502. That boy is all tied up.Copy !req
503. Roman Polanski's house.Copy !req
504. Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.Copy !req
505. Our top story,
the President has been shot.Copy !req
506. Tragedy strikes the nation.
The President has been shot.Copy !req
507. What's the President doing
in this casket?Copy !req
508. We'll tell you right after this.Copy !req
509. Hey, Meg, nice job on
that report last night.Copy !req
510. Wow, thanks,
Mr. Tucker.Copy !req
511. That means so much coming from
someone as handsome as yourself.Copy !req
512. Say, how'd you like to pick up
a handsome man's dry cleaning?Copy !req
513. Well, sure.Copy !req
514. But isn't that Neil's job?Copy !req
515. Little jerk hasn't
been in all day.Copy !req
516. He hasn't?Copy !req
517. We've got a breaking story!Copy !req
518. There's some geek
on top of town hallCopy !req
519. and he's about to jump.Copy !req
520. Oh, my God! Neil!Copy !req
521. Is it Neil?Copy !req
522. Huh, I've been calling
him Ned all week.Copy !req
523. Oh, my God.
Neil, please don't jump.Copy !req
524. I was just a piece of eye candyCopy !req
525. that she turned
into an all-day sucker.Copy !req
526. Mr. Tucker!Copy !req
527. Thank God you're here.Copy !req
528. Someone's got
to do something.Copy !req
529. He's going to fall!
I'm on it, Meg.Copy !req
530. Hey, have that cartoon
sound effect guyCopy !req
531. cue up the
( falling bomb whistle )Copy !req
532. and then top it off
with a ( squish )Copy !req
533. and if there's time
before commercialCopy !req
534. be ready with a
wah-wah-wah-wah.Copy !req
535. Oh, my God.Copy !req
536. You don't care about
him at all, do you?Copy !req
537. All you care about are
your stupid ratings.Copy !req
538. You're a horrible man.Copy !req
539. Neil, I'm sorry!Copy !req
540. Meg?Copy !req
541. Uh-oh.Copy !req
542. There he goes.
( gasps )Copy !req
543. Good stuff, good stuff,
good stuff, good stuff!Copy !req
544. Neil!Copy !req
545. Meg.Copy !req
546. You do care.Copy !req
547. Don't read too much
into this, Neil.Copy !req
548. Well, it's hard not toCopy !req
549. when I'm lying right
on top of you.Copy !req
550. Look, just because
you're repulsiveCopy !req
551. and probably the most annoying
person on the planet—Copy !req
552. and I'm not the only
person who thinks so—Copy !req
553. that doesn't mean I want you to go
and kill yourself.Copy !req
554. Ah, thanks, Meg.Copy !req
555. But I was never really
planning to jump.Copy !req
556. Wasn't going
to jump?Copy !req
557. You're a phony!Copy !req
558. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
559. This guy's a
great big phony!Copy !req