1. WHOO-HOO! BABY!Copy !req
2. 12 IN A ROW!Copy !req
3. WOW, YOU MUST HAVE HAD
A GREAT BODYCopy !req
4. BEFORE IT WENT ALL
FUN-HOUSE MIRROR ON YOU.Copy !req
5. I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW TERRIFIC YOU LOOK.Copy !req
6. THANKS.Copy !req
7. I'VE BEEN TAKING
TAE-JITSU CLASSES.Copy !req
8. YOU SHOULD COME
WITH ME SOMETIME.Copy !req
9. I'D LOVE TO.Copy !req
10. OH, THE BABY'S
KICKING. WANT TO FEEL?Copy !req
11. SURE.Copy !req
12. OW! OW!Copy !req
13. OH! YOU ARE
FREAKIN' DEAD, KID.Copy !req
14. PETER!Copy !req
15. OH, I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.Copy !req
16. ME, TOO.Copy !req
17. THE SUMMER TOURISTS
ARE GONECopy !req
18. AND WE FINALLY HAVE THE TOWN
TO OURSELVESCopy !req
19. BEFORE THOSE IDIOTS
FROM NEW YORK SHOW UPCopy !req
20. TO WATCH THE
LEAVES CHANGECopy !req
21. AND TAKE OVER
THE WHOLE PLACE.Copy !req
22. LEAFERS!Copy !req
23. HOLY CRAP.
WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE!Copy !req
24. - WHAT ABOUT THE BOAT?
- LEAVE IT!Copy !req
25. HURRY, PETER.Copy !req
26. THEY'RE ALMOST HERE.Copy !req
27. WE'RE TOO LATE.Copy !req
28. YO, MATTIE,
CHECK OUT THOSE COLORS—Copy !req
29. YELLOW LIKE A TAXICopy !req
30. ORANGE LIKE THE BALL
AT THE KNICKS GAMECopy !req
31. AND RED LIKE THE SAUCE
ON MY MAMA MIA'S GOO-GOTS.Copy !req
32. YEAH, AND BROWNCopy !req
33. LIKE THE GUYS I DON'T
PICK UP IN MY CAB.Copy !req
34. BEE-UTIFUL.Copy !req
35. Good evening.Copy !req
36. Tonight's top story:
Quahog is infestedCopy !req
37. with loud hairy creatures
also know as New Yorkers.Copy !req
38. They migrate north every autumn
to see the foliage.Copy !req
39. I think I speak for all of usCopy !req
40. when I say that New York
and everyone from thereCopy !req
41. can fornicate themselves
with an iron stick.Copy !req
42. WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE
FOR CHURCH.Copy !req
43. MOVE IT! DAMN LEAFERS.Copy !req
44. CHRIS, QUIT IT.Copy !req
45. MOM, CHRIS PUT HIS FOOT
ON MY SIDE AGAIN.Copy !req
46. I CAN'T HELP IT.Copy !req
47. I HAVE THESE LONG
DANCER'S LEGS.Copy !req
48. MOVE IT!Copy !req
49. MEG, STOP YOUR WHINING.Copy !req
50. CHRIS, STAY ON
YOUR OWN SIDE.Copy !req
51. LOIS, FOR GOD SAKE, GET OFF YOUR
ASS AND DO SOME PARENTING.Copy !req
52. IF YOU KIDS DON'TCopy !req
53. WE'RE NOT GOING TO
McDONALD'S AFTER CHURCH.Copy !req
54. - MOM!
- MOM!Copy !req
55. DON'T WORRY, WE'RE GOING.Copy !req
56. B-B-BUT...Copy !req
57. YOU DON'T GET
TO SUPER SIZE.Copy !req
58. OH...Copy !req
59. OKAY, YOU CAN SUPER SIZECopy !req
60. BUT NO APPLE PIE.Copy !req
61. OH, COME ON.Copy !req
62. OKAY, YOU GET
AN APPLE PIECopy !req
63. BUT YOU CAN'T
BLOW ON IT.Copy !req
64. PETER, DON'T CONTRADICT ME
IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.Copy !req
65. LOIS, BROTHERS AND SISTERS
FIGHTINGCopy !req
66. IS AS NATURAL AS A WHITE MAN'S
DIALOGUE IN A SPIKE LEE MOVIE.Copy !req
67. WUSSUP? CAN I GET
TWO SLICES OF PEPPERONI?Copy !req
68. WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?Copy !req
69. DAMN NEW YORKERS.Copy !req
70. THEY TOOK ALL
THE GOOD SEATS.Copy !req
71. AREN'T YOU PRECIOUS?Copy !req
72. SOME OF MY NOVELTY ITEMSCopy !req
73. WERE PROVIDED BY
JACK'S JOKE SHOPCopy !req
74. OF SOUTH ATTLEBORO,
MASSACHUSETTS.Copy !req
75. REMEMBER, IF IT AIN'T FUNNY,
IT AIN'T WORTH JACK.Copy !req
76. I'D LIKE TO WELCOMECopy !req
77. ALL OUR OUT-OF-TOWN
PARISHIONERS.Copy !req
78. MY COUSIN, FATHER SAPIENZACopy !req
79. IS IN FROM NEW YORK
TO SEE THE LEAVESCopy !req
80. AND I'D LIKE TO INVITE HIMCopy !req
81. TO DO THE
OPENING PRAYER.Copy !req
82. YO, GOD IS GOOD, HUH?Copy !req
83. AND HE EXPECTS US TO BE GOOD,
AND IF YOU'RE NOTCopy !req
84. HE'S GOING TO COME DOWN AND BUST
YOUR FREAKIN' SKULL. AMEN.Copy !req
85. WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE TALKING TO?Copy !req
86. YOUR GOD AIN'T
TOUGHER THAN ME.Copy !req
87. YOU CAN'T TALK TO THE FATHER
LIKE THATCopy !req
88. YOU STUPID GAVONE.Copy !req
89. I OUGHT TO COME OVER THERE
AND BREAK YOUR FREAKIN' ARM.Copy !req
90. YOU WANT TO GO, TOUGH GUY?Copy !req
91. I'LL SNAP YOU IN HALFCopy !req
92. LIKE AN ALMOND BISCOTTI
FROM BELARO'S ON 51st STREET.Copy !req
93. BEST IN THE CITY.Copy !req
94. FELLAS, THIS IS GOD'S HOUSECopy !req
95. AND THE PATRIOTS KICK OFF
IN ABOUT 45 MINUTESCopy !req
96. SO COULD WE MOVE THIS ALONG?Copy !req
97. PATRIOTS SUCK!Copy !req
98. ( gasps ): BLASPHEMY!Copy !req
99. IT BURNS! AH, GEE!Copy !req
100. "HOLY WATER"?Copy !req
101. WHERE'S THAT ACID I ORDERED?Copy !req
102. HEY, GUIDO, WATCH THIS.Copy !req
103. WHOA! I'VE GOT TO LAY OFF
THE COFFEE.Copy !req
104. HOT-CHA-CHA, CHA-CHA!Copy !req
105. THAT'S JACK'S, EXIT 14 OFF 295.Copy !req
106. TAE-JITSU IS ABOUT POWER
FOR YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND.Copy !req
107. DON'T BE AFRAID TO FREE
THE BEAST INSIDE YOU.Copy !req
108. LEFT KICK! RIGHT KICK!Copy !req
109. PUNCH COMBO! STOMP!Copy !req
110. BEAUTIFUL! AGAIN!Copy !req
111. LEFT KICK!Copy !req
112. WOW, YOU'RE DOING GREAT
FOR YOUR FIRST LESSON.Copy !req
113. I'M REALLY CUTTING LOOSE
JUST LIKE JULIE ANDREWSCopy !req
114. IN THAT MOVIE WHERE
SHE SHOWED HER BREASTS.Copy !req
115. OH, MARY, YOU'LL NEVER
LEAVE US, WILL YOU?Copy !req
116. YES, THOSE ARE LOVELYCopy !req
117. BUT IT DOESN'T QUITE
ANSWER OUR QUESTION.Copy !req
118. JETS RULE!Copy !req
119. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.Copy !req
120. HEY, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING,
WILL YOU?Copy !req
121. HEY, HORACE,
PUT THE PATS GAME ON THE TVCopy !req
122. AND GET ME A FEW BEERS, HUH?Copy !req
123. SORRY, PETER, SOMEONE
STOLE THE REMOTESCopy !req
124. AND THE KEGS,
AND I'M NOT SURECopy !req
125. BUT I THINK
I'VE BEEN SHOT.Copy !req
126. YEP.Copy !req
127. HEY, PAL,
WATCH MY SEAT.Copy !req
128. I GOT TO BLEED THE LIZARD.Copy !req
129. PUBLIC URINATION IS JUST WRONGCopy !req
130. EXCEPT DURING
THE MILLION MAN MARCHCopy !req
131. WHEN PROTESTERS
BURNED OUR PORT-A-POTTIES.Copy !req
132. THEN I USED MY STREAM OF JUSTICE
TO PUT OUT THE HATE.Copy !req
133. I DON'T KNOW, FELLASCopy !req
134. I THINK THERE'S POTENTIAL
IN THIS CROWD.Copy !req
135. HEY, HONEY, WHY DON'T
YOU TURN AROUNDCopy !req
136. AND SHOW ME THE
LOWER EAST SIDE?Copy !req
137. ( deep voice ): SURE.Copy !req
138. WHOA! TRANSVESTITE!
BACK OFF!Copy !req
139. WAIT A SEC—
PRE-OP OR POST-OP?Copy !req
140. PRE-OP.Copy !req
141. WHOA! TRANSVESTITE!
BACK OFF!Copy !req
142. YOU'RE RIGHT,
THIS PLACE BLOWS.Copy !req
143. WE GOT TO SEND
THESE STRAP-HANGERSCopy !req
144. BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM.Copy !req
145. DON'T WORRY,
I GOT AN IDEACopy !req
146. AN IDEA SO SMART,
MY HEAD WOULD EXPLODECopy !req
147. IF I EVEN BEGIN TO KNOW
WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.Copy !req
148. I AM A MAN-EATING TREE.Copy !req
149. GO BACK TO NEW YORK
OR I WILL EAT YOUCopy !req
150. JUST LIKE I ATE INSANE
NEW YORK ANCHORMAN DAN RATHER.Copy !req
151. AND LOOK WHO I HADCopy !req
152. ASEXUAL FORMER MAYOR
ED KOCH.Copy !req
153. LEAVE MY LANDCopy !req
154. OR I WILL SMITE YOU
WITH MY POWERFUL LIMB.Copy !req
155. WHAT? ARE YOU NUTS?Copy !req
156. GIVE ME THAT BRANCH.Copy !req
157. OH! GET OFF OF ME.Copy !req
158. WHY, YOU...Copy !req
159. OH, MY GOD!Copy !req
160. STOP FIGHTING.
( yelling )Copy !req
161. HOLY CRAP.Copy !req
162. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
163. MOM, YOU COULD BE
A WORLD CHAMPIONCopy !req
164. AND NO ONE COULD HIT
YOU BELOW THE BELTCopy !req
165. 'CAUSE GIRLS DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING DOWN THERE.Copy !req
166. CAN YOU TEACH
ME TO KICK ASS?Copy !req
167. OH, NO, I DO NOT
CONDONE VIOLENCECopy !req
168. AND I AM NOT
GOING TO BE RESPONSIBLECopy !req
169. FOR BRINGING FIST FIGHTING
INTO OUR SCHOOLS.Copy !req
170. GEE, LOIS, CAN YOU HEAR ME ALL
THE WAY BACK THERE IN THE '50s?Copy !req
171. OH, THAT WAS LAME.Copy !req
172. OH, POOR PETER.Copy !req
173. I EMASCULATED HIM
IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE PEOPLE.Copy !req
174. I THINK
HE'S REALLY UPSET.Copy !req
175. Peter ( on bullhorn ):
GATHER 'ROUND, EVERYBODY.Copy !req
176. TEN BUCKS IS ALL IT TAKES.Copy !req
177. STEP RIGHT UP AND FIGHT MY WIFE.Copy !req
178. COME ONE, COME ALL.Copy !req
179. SHE FLOATS LIKE A BUTTERFLYCopy !req
180. AND STINGS LIKE WHEN I PEE.Copy !req
181. PETER, I AM NOT A
SIDESHOW ATTRACTIONCopy !req
182. AT LEAST NOT ANYMORE.Copy !req
183. ME LIKEY BOUNCEY!
ME LIKEY BOUNCEY!Copy !req
184. I WANT YOU
TO GET RIDCopy !req
185. OF ALL OF
THIS RIGHT NOWCopy !req
186. 'CAUSE I AM NEVER
FIGHTING AGAIN, EVER.Copy !req
187. COME ON, CHRIS, WE'LL HAVE TO
GO TO PLAN "B."Copy !req
188. OH, NO!
AH! OH, GOD!Copy !req
189. OH, MY GOD! HELP ME!Copy !req
190. HELP ME, FOR GOD'S SAKES!Copy !req
191. HE'S GOING TO KILL ME!Copy !req
192. HELP!Copy !req
193. DON'T WORRY, IT'S
A TRAINED BEAR.Copy !req
194. HE'S IN NO REAL DANGER.Copy !req
195. OH, HE'S TEACHING A CLASS.Copy !req
196. I-I CAN'T BOTHER HIM NOW.Copy !req
197. SURE YOU CAN.Copy !req
198. HEY, HEY,
RALPH MACCHIO.Copy !req
199. MY WIFE HERE NEEDS
TO TALK TO YOU.Copy !req
200. THERE YOU GO, HONEY.Copy !req
201. WHAT IS IT, LOIS?Copy !req
202. I, UH...Copy !req
203. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD DO
TAE-JITSU ANYMORE.Copy !req
204. I'M AFRAID
I'M GOING TO HURT SOMEONE.Copy !req
205. BUT, LOIS, YOU'RE
MY STAR PUPIL.Copy !req
206. I WANT YOU IN MY
ADVANCED CLASS.Copy !req
207. ADVANCED CLASS?Copy !req
208. NO, NO, NO.Copy !req
209. I'M TRYING TO QUIT.Copy !req
210. WELL, FINE, QUITCopy !req
211. BUT GET USED TO PEOPLE
WALKING ALL OVER YOU.Copy !req
212. W-W-W-WAIT.
HOLD ON THERE.Copy !req
213. NOBODY WALKS ALL OVER MY WIFE
'CAUSE I WON'T LET THEM.Copy !req
214. PETER...Copy !req
215. QUIET, LOIS, MEN ARE TALKING.Copy !req
216. SHE LEARNS THINGS EVENTUALLY.Copy !req
217. IT JUST TAKES HER LONGER.Copy !req
218. COME ON, HONEY,
WE'RE OUT OF HERE.Copy !req
219. IF YOU HURRY,
I'LL LET YOU TRY ON HATS.Copy !req
220. I WON'T LET YOU BUY,
BUT YOU CAN TRY THEM ON.Copy !req
221. I'LL DO IT.Copy !req
222. OW!Copy !req
223. STEWIE, YOU WANT TO SWING?Copy !req
224. YES, WHY NOT?Copy !req
225. I'LL HAVE A GO AT IT.Copy !req
226. PERHAPS A QUICK STRETCH FIRST.Copy !req
227. OOH, DAMN.Copy !req
228. MUST HAVE PULLED SOMETHING
PLAYING HOOPS LAST WEEK.Copy !req
229. I KNOW YOU'RE NOT PUTTING
THAT ROCK UP FROM HERE.Copy !req
230. YOU AIN'T GOT NO J.Copy !req
231. YO, MAN, THAT'S TRIPPIN'.Copy !req
232. BROTHER, PLEASE,
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S TRIPPIN'.Copy !req
233. GO ON, CRY HOME TO YOUR MAMA.Copy !req
234. SHE WAITIN' FOR YA.Copy !req
235. NOW, DON'T MAKE MECopy !req
236. PUT MY SIZE 13s
UP YOUR NARROW ASS!Copy !req
237. I DON'T SWEAT, YOU.
BRING IT ON, BITCH.Copy !req
238. NOW, HOW YOU GOING TO ACT?Copy !req
239. GEEZ, BRINGING THAT TRASH
IN HERE.Copy !req
240. THIS IS MY HOUSE.Copy !req
241. EXCUSE ME,
WE WERE ABOUT TO USE THAT.Copy !req
242. YOU SNOOZE,
YOU LOSE, LADY.Copy !req
243. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES.Copy !req
244. EITHER MY BABY SWINGS
FROM THIS JUNGLE GYMCopy !req
245. OR YOU DO.Copy !req
246. OOH, LOIS, SOMEONE'S WEARING
THEIR OVARIES ON THE OUTSIDE.Copy !req
247. SHE SAW ME WALKING
TO THE SWING.Copy !req
248. YES, YES,
SHE SAW YOU. EASY, NOW.Copy !req
249. NOBODY WALKS
ALL OVER ME.Copy !req
250. THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.Copy !req
251. LOIS GRIFFIN
DEMANDS RESPECT.Copy !req
252. OH, I SMELL
A MESSY DIAPER.Copy !req
253. GOD, WHY DOES
THAT TURN ME ON?Copy !req
254. HOLD IT, MEG,
THOSE TWO ARE MINE.Copy !req
255. WHAT?Copy !req
256. THAT'S RANDY
AND THAT'S FRED.Copy !req
257. RANDY IS THE MESSY ONE.Copy !req
258. FRED'S VERY NEAT.Copy !req
259. WHEN YOU GET
THEM TOGETHER—Copy !req
260. HOO-HOO!--
HOLD ON TO YOUR SIDES.Copy !req
261. NICE TO MEET YOU BOTH.Copy !req
262. MURDERER!Copy !req
263. STOP IT!
BOTH OF YOU!Copy !req
264. STARTING NOW, YOU TWOCopy !req
265. ARE GOING TO LOVE
EACH OTHER.Copy !req
266. NOW, STAY THAT WAY.Copy !req
267. IT'S GOING TO BE WEIRD
TO POTTY.Copy !req
268. SHEESH, LOIS,
LOOK AT THE GARBAGECopy !req
269. THOSE DAMN LEAFERS
DUMPED ON OUR LAWN.Copy !req
270. NEW YORK POST,
NEW YORK MAGAZINECopy !req
271. THE NEW YORK METS.Copy !req
272. PETER, I'M SICK
AND TIREDCopy !req
273. OF HEARING YOU WHINE
ABOUT THE LEAFERS.Copy !req
274. TAKE SOME ACTION.Copy !req
275. FREE THE BEAST!Copy !req
276. THAT WAS STRANGELY AROUSING.Copy !req
277. OW!Copy !req
278. HELLO, 911?Copy !req
279. IT'S QUAGMIRE.Copy !req
280. YEAH, YEAH,
IT'S IN A WINDOW THIS TIME.Copy !req
281. WOW, LOOK AT THEM RUN.Copy !req
282. WAIT A SECOND, BRIAN.Copy !req
283. THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.Copy !req
284. THE DRUNKEN CLAM?Copy !req
285. WHY COULDN'T WE GO
SOMEPLACE FANCYCopy !req
286. LIKE THE OLIVE GARDEN?Copy !req
287. OH, THE BREADSTICKS.Copy !req
288. ME LIKEY BREADSTICKS,
ME LIKEY...Copy !req
289. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL
NOW. STOP IT.Copy !req
290. HOLD-HOLD-HOLD ON, LOIS.Copy !req
291. EXCUSE ME,
NEW YORKER.Copy !req
292. I THINK YOU'RE
IN MY SEAT AND I HAD SEXCopy !req
293. WITH YOUR MOTHER
LAST NIGHT.Copy !req
294. PETER, ARE YOU CRAZY?Copy !req
295. WHAT DID YOU SAY?Copy !req
296. ABOUT THE SEATCopy !req
297. OR ABOUT MY PLOWING
YOUR FATHER'S WIFE?Copy !req
298. HEY, OOH!Copy !req
299. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
300. EXCUSE ME, IS YOUR
REFRIGERATOR RUNNING?Copy !req
301. BECAUSE IF IT IS, IT
PROBABLY RUNS LIKE YOU—Copy !req
302. VERY HOMOSEXUALLY.Copy !req
303. WHAT?Copy !req
304. HOW? YOU WANT TO DANCE?Copy !req
305. JETS SUCK, YANKEES
SUCK, KNICKS SUCK.Copy !req
306. KRYPTON SUCKS.Copy !req
307. HMM?Copy !req
308. THAT'S RIGHT, GO BACK WHERE
YOU CAME FROM, YOU BASTARDS.Copy !req
309. WE'LL CONCLUDE TODAY'S
GRADUATION CEREMONYCopy !req
310. WITH A DEMONSTRATION
BY THE BLACK BELTS.Copy !req
311. OKAY, PEOPLE, LET'S SHOW 'EM
WHAT WE'VE LEARNED.Copy !req
312. KATHY, GET IN THERE WITH LOIS.Copy !req
313. UH... I CAN'T. I HAVE CRAMPS.Copy !req
314. WHY ARE YOU PUTTING ME
UP AGAINST THE SCRUBS, JARED?Copy !req
315. WHY DON'T YOU BE A MAN
AND FIGHT ME YOURSELF?Copy !req
316. WELL, LOIS, THE SENSEI
IS A SACRED POSITION.Copy !req
317. I COULD NEVER VIOLATE
THE SPIRITUAL BONDCopy !req
318. OF THE STUDENT-MASTER
RELATIONSHIP.Copy !req
319. OH, THEN ALLOW ME.Copy !req
320. OOH.Copy !req
321. THE BOND IS BROKEN.Copy !req
322. THEN SPIN THE WHEEL,
RAGGEDY MAN.Copy !req
323. GO, LOIS! PUMMEL HIMCopy !req
324. WITH YOUR POWERFUL
FISTS OF FEMALE FURY!Copy !req
325. AND THEN, WHEN HE'S WEARY,
EMASCULATE HIMCopy !req
326. WITH YOUR INCESSANT NAGGING.Copy !req
327. HUH, WOMEN—
YAKETY-YAK, YAKETY-YAK-YAK.Copy !req
328. YOU KNOW, HUH?Copy !req
329. ENJOY THE FIGHT.Copy !req
330. EE-YAH!Copy !req
331. LOIS, THAT
WAS AMAZING.Copy !req
332. CONGRATULA...Copy !req
333. THIS IS MINE.Copy !req
334. THIS IS WHERE
MY BABIES COME FROM.Copy !req
335. And now back to the movie
of the week...Copy !req
336. If this glacier
goes slowerCopy !req
337. than one mile a yearCopy !req
338. we're all dead!Copy !req
339. Tell me something
I don't know.Copy !req
340. Get out of the way!Copy !req
341. LOIS, I WAS
WATCHING THAT.Copy !req
342. WHATCHA... WHATCHA LOOKING AT?Copy !req
343. THE UNDERPANTS. LOSE 'EM.Copy !req
344. UH, ACTUALLY, I-I KINDA,
I SORTA HAVE A HEADACHE, KINDA.Copy !req
345. SEE, YOU KNOW,
MAYBE TOMORROW OR, UH...Copy !req
346. - TAKE 'EM OFF.
- YEAH, OH-OH-OKAY, HONEY.Copy !req
347. WHOA. WHAT THE HELL
ARE YOU DOING?Copy !req
348. THOSE ARE MY
GRAHAM CRACKERS.Copy !req
349. RUN ALONG, STEWIE.Copy !req
350. DADDY HAD A ROUGH NIGHT.Copy !req
351. WHY, YOU TOTTERING
FEN-SUCKED DEWBERRY.Copy !req
352. I'M GOING TO GO FIND
SOMETHING TO STRIKE YOU WITH.Copy !req
353. EXCUSE ME.Copy !req
354. GOOD MORNING.Copy !req
355. PETER, YOU
LOOK TERRIBLE. WHAT HAPPENED?Copy !req
356. LAST NIGHT, LOIS
WAS... THE MAN.Copy !req
357. GOOD LORD.Copy !req
358. I JUST WANT YOU
TO KNOW, BRIAN—Copy !req
359. I DIDN'T CRY.Copy !req
360. IT'S OKAY,
IT'S OKAY.Copy !req
361. OH, NO. PETER!Copy !req
362. STEWIE, WHAT
DID YOU DO?Copy !req
363. IT LOOKS LIKE
HE FREED THE BEASTCopy !req
364. ALL OVER THE BACK
OF PETER'S HEAD.Copy !req
365. OH, MY GOD.Copy !req
366. THIS IS MY FAULT.Copy !req
367. THIS IS MY FAULT— I BROUGHT VIOLENCE
INTO THIS HOUSE.Copy !req
368. I'M THE WORST MOTHER
IN THE WORLD.Copy !req
369. AHA! I GOT IT ALL ON TAPE.Copy !req
370. Okay, um, this is me
interviewing Ed Sullivan.Copy !req
371. W-what's new, Ed?Copy !req
372. ( imitating Ed Sullivan : Well, Stewie,
tonight we have a really big show.Copy !req
373. Okay, okay, and now
a word from our sponsors.Copy !req
374. It takes a very steady hand.Copy !req
375. Don't touch the sides.Copy !req
376. ( imitates buzzer )
Butterfingers.Copy !req
377. I-I WAS MAKING
RADIO SHOWS FOR FUN.Copy !req
378. E-EVERYBODY DOES IT.Copy !req
379. AT LEAST, E-EVERYBODY I KNOW.Copy !req
380. SHUT UP!Copy !req
381. NOW, STEWART, I WANT YOU
TO TAKE THIS MOMMY DOLLCopy !req
382. AND THIS DADDY DOLLCopy !req
383. AND SHOW ME
HOW THEY ACT TOGETHER.Copy !req
384. OH, YES, VERY WELL.Copy !req
385. ALL RIGHT, UM...Copy !req
386. YOU SEE, MARGARET,
AFTER 20-ODD YEARS OF MARRIAGECopy !req
387. YOUR CURIOUS INDISCRETIONS
NO LONGER FAZE ME.Copy !req
388. ( falsetto ):
REALLY? AND I SUPPOSE YOU THINKCopy !req
389. I ENJOY HANGING ONTO THOSE
HAMMOCKY DEPOSITS OF GIN SUGARSCopy !req
390. YOU CALL BUTTOCKS?Copy !req
391. WHAT WAS THAT?
WHAT DID YOU JUST WRITE THERE?Copy !req
392. GIVE ME THAT.Copy !req
393. "INSECURITY"?
"GENDER CONFUSION"?Copy !req
394. I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING
TO WRITE ABOUT.Copy !req
395. LOOK AT ME— I'M INSANE.Copy !req
396. I'M MARTIN LAWRENCE ON A BENDER.Copy !req
397. MR. AND MRS. GRIFFINCopy !req
398. DOES STEWART HAVE
A HISTORY OF AGGRESSION?Copy !req
399. NO, NO, HITTING PETERCopy !req
400. IS THE FIRST VIOLENT
THING HE'S EVER DONE.Copy !req
401. WELL, TECHNICALLY,
THE FIRST ACT OF VIOLENCECopy !req
402. WAS THAT TIME BOMB I LEFT
TICKING IN YOUR UTERUSCopy !req
403. BEFORE I CAME OUT.Copy !req
404. HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY, LOIS.Copy !req
405. IT'S OBVIOUS THAT YOUR SONCopy !req
406. IS LEARNING THIS BEHAVIOR
FROM SOMEONE.Copy !req
407. I, UH, I-I KNOW
WHO'S RESPONSIBLECopy !req
408. FOR STEWIE'S BEHAVIORCopy !req
409. BUT IF I TOLD YOU
WHO IT WASCopy !req
410. LOIS WOULD BEAT
THE CRAP OUT OF ME.Copy !req
411. NOW, JUST A MINUTE.
( shrieks )Copy !req
412. THE WHOLE REASON
I STARTED FIGHTINGCopy !req
413. IS BECAUSE OF YOU.Copy !req
414. I FELT WEAK.Copy !req
415. Y-Y-YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME.Copy !req
416. YOU UNDERMINE ME
IN FRONT OF THE KIDSCopy !req
417. AND BESIDES, YOU'RE NOT...
YOU'RE NOT EXACTLYCopy !req
418. FATHER OF THE YEAR
YOURSELF.Copy !req
419. WELL, THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT
OF ANGER IN YOUR HOUSEHOLD.Copy !req
420. YOU OWE IT TO YOUR SON TO LEARN
HOW TO MANAGE THESE FEELINGS.Copy !req
421. MANAGE WHAT?Copy !req
422. I KNOW I WENT A LITTLE OVERBOARD
WITH MY TAE-JITSUCopy !req
423. BUT FROM NOW ON,
WE'RE NOT GOING TO HAVECopy !req
424. ANY MORE ANGER
IN THIS HOUSE, OKAY?Copy !req
425. THEN TELL CHRIS TO QUIT
DRAWING PICTURES OF MECopy !req
426. WITH A PIG'S BODY.Copy !req
427. DON'T CENSOR ME!Copy !req
428. NO MORE ANGER!Copy !req
429. OKAY.Copy !req
430. THE PSYCHOLOGIST WANTS USCopy !req
431. TO TRY AN EXERCISE
CALLED ROLE REVERSALCopy !req
432. WHERE WE PRETEND TO BE
THE PERSON WHO MAKES US ANGRY.Copy !req
433. I'LL GO FIRST.Copy !req
434. ( imitating Peter ): DON'T LISTEN
TO YOUR MOTHER, KIDS.Copy !req
435. SHE'S WORTHLESS AND DUMB
AND IGNORE HERCopy !req
436. AND ONLY LISTEN TO ME,
PETER.Copy !req
437. I'M LOIS, I BRAKE
FOR YARD SALESCopy !req
438. BUT I DON'T LET PETER
BUY ANYTHING HE LIKESCopy !req
439. LIKE THAT NARRAGANSET
BEER SIGNCopy !req
440. WHERE THE HOT CHICK
HAS TWO MUGS FOR JUGS.Copy !req
441. IT WAS EIGHT
FREAKIN' DOLLARSCopy !req
442. AND WE HAVE A DOZEN
PLACES TO PUT IT!Copy !req
443. OOH, OOH, ME NEXT, ME NEXT.Copy !req
444. I'M THE DOG.Copy !req
445. I'M WELL-READ AND HAVE
A DIVERSE STOCK PORTFOLIOCopy !req
446. BUT I'M NOT ABOVE EATING GRASS
CLIPPINGS AND REGURGITATING THEMCopy !req
447. ON THE SMALL BRAIDED RUG
NEAR THE DOOR.Copy !req
448. I'M A POMPOUS LITTLE ANTI-CHRISTCopy !req
449. WHO WILL PROBABLY ABANDON
MY PLANS FOR WORLD DOMINATIONCopy !req
450. WHEN I GROW UP AND FALL IN LOVE
WITH A ROUGH TRICK NAMED JIM.Copy !req
451. WHOA, WHOA, PETER,
CALM DOWN.Copy !req
452. I'M SICK OF LOIS' ANGER
MANAGEMENT TECHNIQUES.Copy !req
453. THEY'RE NOT WORKING.Copy !req
454. WHAT ABOUT THE WRITING
ANGRY LETTERSCopy !req
455. AND NOT SENDING THEM
EXERCISE?Copy !req
456. OH, GEEZ, I WASN'T
SUPPOSED TO SEND THOSE?Copy !req
457. HEY, LOOK, I GOT
A LETTER FROM DAD.Copy !req
458. "DEAR MEG, FOR THE FIRST
FOUR YEARS OF YOUR LIFECopy !req
459. I THOUGHT YOU WERE A HOUSE CAT."Copy !req
460. DAD!Copy !req
461. "DEAR STEWIE, GET OUT."Copy !req
462. OH, THAT'S NICE.Copy !req
463. MINE JUST SAYS "DEAR LOIS"Copy !req
464. AND AFTER THAT
IT LOOKS LIKECopy !req
465. SOMEONE JUST SPIT
ON THE PAPER.Copy !req
466. YOU GOT SOMETHING
TO SAY TO ME?Copy !req
467. YEAH, "P.S..."Copy !req
468. OH, OH, HOLD ON A SEC.Copy !req
469. HOLD ON, HOLD ON, RELAX,
EVERYBODY RELAX.Copy !req
470. ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I WAS HOPING
IT WOULDN'T COME TO THISCopy !req
471. BUT WE NEED TO GET
OUR ANGER UNDER CONTROLCopy !req
472. BEFORE WE KILL EACH OTHER.Copy !req
473. NOW MY PSYCHIATRIST GAVE ME
THESE PILLS.Copy !req
474. THEY'RE MOOD ELEVATORS.Copy !req
475. I THINK THEY COULD HELP,
UH... EVEN US OUT.Copy !req
476. WE'RE NOT
TAKING PILLS.Copy !req
477. IT'S NOT NATURAL.Copy !req
478. NEITHER IS BLEACHING THE HAIR
ON YOUR UPPER LIP, MARTIN MULL.Copy !req
479. GIVE US THE PILLS.Copy !req
480. AH, THAT WAS FUN.Copy !req
481. WHAT COUNTRY
SHOULD WE DO NEXT?Copy !req
482. MONACO.Copy !req
483. OH, WAIT, THAT'S
A PRINCIPALITY.Copy !req
484. YOU GUYS WANT TO HEARCopy !req
485. SOMETHING REALLY FUNNY?Copy !req
486. THOSE PILLS I GAVE YOU
WERE PLACEBOS, SUGAR PILLS.Copy !req
487. WAIT A MINUTE.
ARE YOU TELLING MECopy !req
488. I JUST SANG LADYSMITH
BLACK MAMBAZO FOR NOTHING?Copy !req
489. DID IT KILL YOU TO BE
MULTICULTURAL FOR A MINUTE?Copy !req
490. I-I-I DIED A LITTLE
INSIDE, YES.Copy !req
491. YOU HAPPY NOW?Copy !req
492. DON'T YOU USE THAT TONE
OF VOICE, YOU, YOU...Copy !req
493. WHAT WERE YOU GOING
TO SAY, FAT ASS?Copy !req
494. WIDE LOAD?
DOUGH BOY?Copy !req
495. COUNTRY VIRTUOSO ROY CLARK?Copy !req
496. HOW ABOUT
ALL OF THE ABOVE?Copy !req
497. HOW'S THIS FOR A NAME—Copy !req
498. MS. PONY EXPRESS IS IN.Copy !req
499. WHAT DO YOU GOT
FOR ME, JOE?Copy !req
500. OH, LET ME SEE HERE.
UH, IT'S HERE SOMEWHERE.Copy !req
501. UH, YEAH, HERE WE ARE.Copy !req
502. A BIG BAG OF LIVER
SPOTS FOR LOIS.Copy !req
503. YOU... YOU JUST HIT ME.Copy !req
504. THAT'S RIGHT.Copy !req
505. YOU CAN'T HIT ME.Copy !req
506. I'M A GIRL.Copy !req
507. SOMETIMES I WONDER.Copy !req
508. KICKING, LOIS?Copy !req
509. HUH. HURTS, DOESN'T IT?Copy !req
510. YOU TELL ME.Copy !req
511. OW! OW! OW!Copy !req
512. OW! OH!Copy !req
513. GO, DAD!Copy !req
514. KICK HER ASS!Copy !req
515. SHUT UP, THIS IS
ALL DAD'S FAULT.Copy !req
516. I DON'T LIKE TO BE TOUCHED!Copy !req
517. OW! OW!Copy !req
518. OOH! OW! OW!Copy !req
519. MAN, I'M GLAD WE GOT
THAT OUT OF OUR SYSTEMS.Copy !req
520. I WONDER WHAT
CAME OVER US?Copy !req
521. MAYBE PEOPLE ARE JUST
NATURALLY VIOLENT.Copy !req
522. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT.Copy !req
523. I THINK IT'S ALL
THE TV WE WATCH.Copy !req
524. THERE'S SO MUCH
VIOLENCE.Copy !req
525. YEAH, TV IS DANGEROUS.Copy !req
526. WHY THE HELL DOESN'T
THE GOVERNMENT STEP INCopy !req
527. AND TELL US WHAT WE CAN
AND CAN'T WATCH?Copy !req
528. AND SHAME ON THE NETWORK THAT
PUTS THIS JUNK ON THE AIR.Copy !req
529. UH, PETER, PETER,
MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'TCopy !req
530. SAY ANYTHING BAD
ABOUT THE NETWORK.Copy !req
531. WHY, WHAT ARE THEY GOING
TO DO, CUT OUR BUDGET?Copy !req
532. I'M GOING TO GO
GET A BEER.Copy !req