1. It seems today
that all you seeCopy !req
2. Is violence in movies
and sex on TVCopy !req
3. But where are those good
old-fashioned valuesCopy !req
4. On which we used to rely?Copy !req
5. Lucky there's a family guyCopy !req
6. Lucky there's a man who
positively can doCopy !req
7. All the things
that make usCopy !req
8. Laugh and cryCopy !req
9. He's...
a... fam... ily... guy!Copy !req
10. That's funny— I don't remember
buying Stewie these toys.Copy !req
11. My God, it all makes sense now.Copy !req
12. My baby is some kind
of diabolical geniusCopy !req
13. bent on world domination!Copy !req
14. Bravo, Lois.Copy !req
15. The last horse finally
crosses the finish line.Copy !req
16. Stewie! All these monthsCopy !req
17. I should have been
paying attentionCopy !req
18. to what you've been saying.Copy !req
19. You're an evil child.Copy !req
20. Why, why did I have
to go and smoke potCopy !req
21. when I was pregnant with you?Copy !req
22. Cheer up, Mother—
you should be proud.Copy !req
23. You've given birthCopy !req
24. to the future emperor
of the world.Copy !req
25. Pity you won't be around
to enjoy it. Cheerio.Copy !req
26. ( gasps )
Lois... Lois...Copy !req
27. Hmm?
What's the matter?Copy !req
28. Oh, I just had
the strangest dream.Copy !req
29. Something about Stewie
and Cheerios...Copy !req
30. Uh... Huh, it's gone.Copy !req
31. Well, come on, get up.Copy !req
32. It's opening day
for the Sox.Copy !req
33. Hey, Chris, Meg,
we're going to Fenway!Copy !req
34. Peter, you can't
just pull the kidsCopy !req
35. out of school for
a baseball game.Copy !req
36. Ah, there's nothing
these kids learn in schoolCopy !req
37. they can't learn on the street.Copy !req
38. It's 3:00. Where
the hell is Louie?Copy !req
39. Well, you tell me.Copy !req
40. Louie left his house at 2:15Copy !req
41. and has to travel
a distance of 6.2 milesCopy !req
42. at a rate
of five miles per hour.Copy !req
43. What time will Louie arrive?Copy !req
44. Depends if he stops
to see his ho.Copy !req
45. That's what we call
a "variable."Copy !req
46. Look what I made
for the game.Copy !req
47. What's that mean, anyway?Copy !req
48. "And the Lord said, 'Go Sox.'"Copy !req
49. Dad, don't you have
to work today?Copy !req
50. Heh-heh. It's nothing
a little phone call can't take care of.Copy !req
51. Hello?Copy !req
52. Mr. Weed, I can't
come to work today.Copy !req
53. I was in a terrible
plane crash.Copy !req
54. My entire family
was killedCopy !req
55. and I am a vegetable.Copy !req
56. I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
57. Eh? Eh?Copy !req
58. Oh, please, PeterCopy !req
59. your excuses are lamer
than FDR's legs.Copy !req
60. Too soon?Copy !req
61. Here it comes, Jeremy.Copy !req
62. I got it! I got it!Copy !req
63. Yes! Yeah! Whoo!Copy !req
64. All right!
I'm the man! Yeah!Copy !req
65. Hold on to this, Stewie.Copy !req
66. It'll be a souvenirCopy !req
67. of your first major league game
with your dad.Copy !req
68. My God, I...
I shall cherish this forever.Copy !req
69. I say, Opie, I'll trade you this
baseball for your souvenir bat.Copy !req
70. Sure.Copy !req
71. Aah!
What did you learn?Copy !req
72. This is great. We haven't done
anything together like thisCopy !req
73. since we saw Mike Tyson
get beat.Copy !req
74. All right, MikeCopy !req
75. the word again is...Copy !req
76. "onomatopoeia."Copy !req
77. Uh... "C."Copy !req
78. I'm sorry, that's incorrect.Copy !req
79. Oh, dang.Copy !req
80. I'm so glad you talked us all
into playing hooky.Copy !req
81. Me, too. Hey,
maybe we can get on TVCopy !req
82. if we take our shirts off
and run onto the field.Copy !req
83. Peter, I'm not
taking my shirt off.Copy !req
84. - There— now they're old news.
- Peter!Copy !req
85. Go Sox!Copy !req
86. Go... Aah!Copy !req
87. Ow!Copy !req
88. Hmm.Copy !req
89. Peter?
( gasps )Copy !req
90. Oh, uh...,
hi, Mr. Weed.Copy !req
91. Well, it seems you have made
a full recovery.Copy !req
92. Oh. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
93. Uh, that plane crash
I told you about?Copy !req
94. It turned out to be gas.Copy !req
95. Aha! Liar!Copy !req
96. Tomorrow, my office, 9:30.Copy !req
97. I'm tired of Mr. Weed
treating me like a common doormat.Copy !req
98. I-I want him to treat me
like one of those deluxe onesCopy !req
99. from Pottery Barn,
with the fancy straw.Copy !req
100. Mm, I don't care
for Pottery Barn.Copy !req
101. Peter, if you want
Mr. Weed to respect youCopy !req
102. you're going to
have to earn it.Copy !req
103. Hmm. Earn it.Copy !req
104. ( sobbing ):
Why have you forsaken me?Copy !req
105. Uh, M-M-Mr. Weed?Copy !req
106. Um, I heard you ran
into my identical twin brotherCopy !req
107. at the ball game yesterday.Copy !req
108. And if you don't buy thatCopy !req
109. I'm sorry I was
at the ball game yesterday.Copy !req
110. Peter, I just received
terrible news—Copy !req
111. this company has been taken over
by a conglomerate.Copy !req
112. After 23 years
of faithful serviceCopy !req
113. I've been terminated!Copy !req
114. Wow, the business world
sure is funny.Copy !req
115. Hey, Dilbert,
what do you call itCopy !req
116. when a guy in
middle managementCopy !req
117. moves all the way
to upper management?Copy !req
118. I don't know.
What do you call it?Copy !req
119. A promotion.Copy !req
120. Oh, thanks.Copy !req
121. Here's a memo.Copy !req
122. Well, sometimes
the business world's funny.Copy !req
123. And so, on behalf of
the El Dorado Cigarette CompanyCopy !req
124. I'd like to welcome you
to our family.Copy !req
125. I think you'll be very happy
with the changes we've made.Copy !req
126. Ah, this is sweet!Copy !req
127. Hey, why are you
putting a windowCopy !req
128. in the middle of the factory?Copy !req
129. So Aunt Bee has a place
to let her pies cool.Copy !req
130. Hello, boys.
Today's pie is cherry.Copy !req
131. It'll be ready just
in time for lunch.Copy !req
132. Wow, these guys sure know
how to run a company.Copy !req
133. Look how happy
those morons are.Copy !req
134. They'll never realize
we're using those toysCopy !req
135. to get children addicted
to our company's cigarettes.Copy !req
136. Good boy, Connor.Copy !req
137. Pull.Copy !req
138. Can't we eat?Copy !req
139. I'm so hungry,
I could ride a horse.Copy !req
140. I don't get it.Copy !req
141. Well, I could ride it
to the store, I guess.Copy !req
142. I told you, we're not starting
without your father.Copy !req
143. Dinner just isn't dinner
without him.Copy !req
144. Ooh, well, perhaps I could help
simulate the experience.Copy !req
145. Num, num, num, num, num!Copy !req
146. Hey, familyCopy !req
147. anyone in the mood
for lobster...Copy !req
148. Aah! Aah! Ow! Oh, God!
One of them has my pupil!Copy !req
149. Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!
Oh, God! Aah! Aah!Copy !req
150. Ah.Copy !req
151. Peter, how the hell can you
afford lobster on your salary?Copy !req
152. I got a raise.
What?Copy !req
153. Yeah. The new owners
gave everyone raises.Copy !req
154. Even Kenneth,
the bad-ass mail clerkCopy !req
155. with the heart of gold.Copy !req
156. Hi, Kenneth. Hey,
did I get any mail?Copy !req
157. No, and if you come any closer,
I'll slice you!Copy !req
158. Okay, okay.Copy !req
159. Man, what a bad-ass.Copy !req
160. Yeah? Well,
that "bad-ass"Copy !req
161. just gave half his
paycheck to orphans—Copy !req
162. orphans with diseases.Copy !req
163. And check out
the new toys we're making.Copy !req
164. "Baby Smokes-A-Lot"?Copy !req
165. Tastes like happy!Copy !req
166. Cool! That's imitatable.Copy !req
167. What the hell...?Copy !req
168. "El Dorado Cigarettes"?Copy !req
169. They bought your company?Copy !req
170. Oh, my God!Copy !req
171. They're trying
to corrupt our children.Copy !req
172. What do you expect?Copy !req
173. Those bastards turned
a whole generation of AmericansCopy !req
174. into smokers with their
damn subliminal advertising.Copy !req
175. Timmy, where's Lassie?Copy !req
176. She's out in the orchard, Ma.Copy !req
177. Peaches are coming in
mighty early this year.Copy !req
178. Smoke.Copy !req
179. You know what
they say, Timmy—Copy !req
180. "Early peaches;
long summer."Copy !req
181. Smoke.Copy !req
182. What's that, Lassie?Copy !req
183. Are you smoking yet?Copy !req
184. Peter, if kids
see this dollCopy !req
185. they're going to think
smoking's okay.Copy !req
186. You have to talk
to these new bosses of yoursCopy !req
187. first thing in
the morning.Copy !req
188. Don't you worry, Lois.Copy !req
189. I'll set them straight,
just like I did with Chris.Copy !req
190. DadCopy !req
191. what's the blowhole for?Copy !req
192. I'll tell you what
it's not for, sonCopy !req
193. and when I do,
you'll understandCopy !req
194. why I can never go
back to Sea World.Copy !req
195. Gentlemen, we need to talk.Copy !req
196. My wife says you're trying
to get kids to smoke.Copy !req
197. That's just not true.Copy !req
198. Well, what about this toy?Copy !req
199. Peter, it's just a doll
with a cigarette.Copy !req
200. I mean, Barbie has a dream carCopy !req
201. but you don't see every
eight-year-old kid driving.Copy !req
202. They're just fun toys.Copy !req
203. Smoke.Copy !req
204. Not now, Jerry.Copy !req
205. Trust me, Peter—
the last thing we wantCopy !req
206. is to get kids
to start smoking.Copy !req
207. Well, then-then what
about that graph on the wall that saysCopy !req
208. "The first thing we wantCopy !req
209. is to get kids
to start smoking"?Copy !req
210. That? Oh, that's just something
my son made me in art class.Copy !req
211. Huh. Well, wh-what about
that poster that saysCopy !req
212. "The graph was not made
in art class.Copy !req
213. We really do want kids
to start smoking"?Copy !req
214. Look, we're a caring company.Copy !req
215. I mean, uh, would you really be
the president of a companyCopy !req
216. that didn't care about kids?Copy !req
217. No, but I'm not
the president.Copy !req
218. Yes, you are...
if you want to be.Copy !req
219. Ah...Copy !req
220. Oh, wow! Imagine me, president!Copy !req
221. I'll do it!Copy !req
222. So, how did it go?Copy !req
223. I-I'm not finished yet.Copy !req
224. Aren't you going to ask me
how it went?Copy !req
225. Yes! Did you talk
to the company executives?Copy !req
226. ( resumes humming )
Peter, answer me!Copy !req
227. Yeah, I did,
and they made me president.Copy !req
228. Of the whole company?Copy !req
229. All right, Dad!Copy !req
230. You should have seen
the way they were treating me.Copy !req
231. I've never gotten
that kind of respect before.Copy !req
232. Great workout, Bobby.Copy !req
233. Up yours, sack breath!Copy !req
234. That's Mr. Griffin.Copy !req
235. But, Peter, why would they
make you president?Copy !req
236. Well, maybe it's because
I can recite all 50 statesCopy !req
237. in a quarter of a second.Copy !req
238. Peter, that was just
a loud yelping noise.Copy !req
239. Geez, Lois, I thought
you'd be proud of me.Copy !req
240. After all these yearsCopy !req
241. the company finally thinks
I'm worth something.Copy !req
242. Just wait till you see all
the perks we're going to get.Copy !req
243. Um... hi.
Can I help you?Copy !req
244. Yeah. Some company hired me
to stand next to you all dayCopy !req
245. so you'd look better
by comparison.Copy !req
246. That's ridiculous!
I don't need...Copy !req
247. Hey, Meg, did you
get less ugly?Copy !req
248. Yeah!Copy !req
249. Surprise!Copy !req
250. Uh, everything
looks the same.Copy !req
251. Oh, it looks the sameCopy !req
252. but actually,
El Dorado CigarettesCopy !req
253. has coated the entire
inside of the houseCopy !req
254. with a microfilm of Teflon
so it's easy to clean.Copy !req
255. Oh.Copy !req
256. Heh. Maybe I shouldn't have
had them do the floors.Copy !req
257. I'm "Nudes on Ice!Copy !req
258. Ah, this is so exciting.Copy !req
259. Your father's first day
as president.Copy !req
260. Good morning, first family.Copy !req
261. Ooh, Lois,
what's in this coffee?Copy !req
262. Isn't it wonderful?Copy !req
263. The company sent Martha Stewart
to help me with the housework.Copy !req
264. I take back all the bad
things I said about them.Copy !req
265. The coffee is
delicious, Martha.Copy !req
266. A little chicory
perks up the tasteCopy !req
267. of roasted coffee beans.Copy !req
268. It's a good thing.Copy !req
269. Well, I think
it's a crappy thing.Copy !req
270. In fact, this is
my last cigarette ever.Copy !req
271. You make me sickCopy !req
272. letting yourselves be bought off
with a few lousy perks.Copy !req
273. Ooh, I beg to differ.Copy !req
274. Oh, you don't need to
park here, Mr. Griffin.Copy !req
275. You have an executive
parking space now.Copy !req
276. Well, that looks exactly
like my old space.Copy !req
277. Yeah, but this one comes
with your own company suck-up.Copy !req
278. Morning, Mr. Griffin.
Nice day.Copy !req
279. Eh, it's a little cloudy.
It's absolutely cloudy—Copy !req
280. one of the worst days
I've seen in years.Copy !req
281. So, good news
about the Yankees.Copy !req
282. - I hate the Yankees. Pack of cheaters,
- that's what they are.Copy !req
283. I love your tie.
I hate this tie.Copy !req
284. It's awful, it's gaudy—
it's got to go.Copy !req
285. And I hate myself.
I hate you, too.Copy !req
286. You make me sick,
you fat sack of crap.Copy !req
287. But I'm the president.
The best there is.Copy !req
288. But you just said
you hated me.Copy !req
289. But... not you
the... president..Copy !req
290. the you who said
you hated... you..Copy !req
291. you who love... hate..Copy !req
292. Yankees... clouds...Copy !req
293. I'll have that fixed
for you tomorrow, sir.Copy !req
294. Here's your new digs.Copy !req
295. Now get to work, sport.Copy !req
296. We're counting on you.Copy !req
297. Wow, my own office.Copy !req
298. Well, I guess
I'd better get busy.Copy !req
299. Ow!Copy !req
300. Gentlemen, we have a problem.Copy !req
301. There's an anti-smoking
bill before CongressCopy !req
302. that could put us
out of business.Copy !req
303. Yes, apparently causing cancer
is this year's "hot button."Copy !req
304. I don't understand it.
We've tried everythingCopy !req
305. to get through
to these politicians.Copy !req
306. Harvard lawyers, lobbyists,
wisecracking leprechauns.Copy !req
307. Excuse me, do you
have a dollar?Copy !req
308. I'm a little short.Copy !req
309. Maybe that's the problem.Copy !req
310. They're all idiots
in Washington.Copy !req
311. Instead of a smart guyCopy !req
312. we should send a moron
they can relate to.Copy !req
313. But where are we going
to find someoneCopy !req
314. within the company
who's that stupid?Copy !req
315. Yeah, and not just stupid—
fat, too.Copy !req
316. Hey, wait a second.Copy !req
317. Didn't we just make
a fat, stupid guy president?Copy !req
318. You bet we did.Copy !req
319. Gentlemen, our new
tobacco lobbyist is...Copy !req
320. that guy.Copy !req
321. Diamonds, daisies,
snowflakes, that guyCopy !req
322. Chestnuts, rainbows,
springtime is that guyCopy !req
323. He's tinsel on a treeCopy !req
324. He's everything
that every guy should beCopy !req
325. Sable, popcorn,
white wine, that guyCopy !req
326. Gingham, bluebirds, Broadway
is that guyCopy !req
327. He's mine alone,
but luckily for youCopy !req
328. If you find a guy to loveCopy !req
329. Only one guy to loveCopy !req
330. Then he'll be that guy, tooCopy !req
331. That guy!Copy !req
332. So, uh, what's this
big assignmentCopy !req
333. you got for me,
Chairman of The Broad?Copy !req
334. "Chairman of The Broad."Copy !req
335. When did you become
such a stitch?Copy !req
336. Don't you remember?Copy !req
337. You gave me writers.Copy !req
338. "Sir, I don't want
to say you're richCopy !req
339. "but when you walk
into a bankCopy !req
340. all the tellers
go, 'whoopee.'"Copy !req
341. That wasn't funny.Copy !req
342. I thought you guys
said you were Jewish.Copy !req
343. Well, he's only
half Jewish.Copy !req
344. You're fired.Copy !req
345. Here's the thing,
Griffin.Copy !req
346. Some troublemakers
in CongressCopy !req
347. are trying
to shut us down.Copy !req
348. We need someone
important like youCopy !req
349. to go down to Washington
and help those bastards seeCopy !req
350. what kind
of fun-loving peopleCopy !req
351. the tobacco industry's
really made of.Copy !req
352. Washington? Ah, sweet.Copy !req
353. I'm your man, but
I got to warn you—Copy !req
354. I've made some
enemies on the Hill.Copy !req
355. And that's when Clarence Thomas
forced me into his chambersCopy !req
356. and showed me lewd pictures.Copy !req
357. Mr. Griffin, we have
indisputable evidenceCopy !req
358. that not only have you never
been in the same roomCopy !req
359. as Clarence ThomasCopy !req
360. you've never been in
the same state.Copy !req
361. How do you respond to that?Copy !req
362. Bababooey, bababooey,
Howard Stern's penis.Copy !req
363. Bababooey, bababooey,
bababooey.Copy !req
364. How long is Dad
going to be in Washington?Copy !req
365. As long as it takes.Copy !req
366. He's a very important man now.Copy !req
367. You know, he's the spokesman
for his entire industry.Copy !req
368. Thank you, Martha.Copy !req
369. Brian, could you pass
me the TV Guide?Copy !req
370. Piss off.Copy !req
371. What?Copy !req
372. I'm... I'm sorry.Copy !req
373. It just... it feels like
foreverCopy !req
374. since I've had a smoke.Copy !req
375. I'm just a bit testy.Copy !req
376. Stop staring at my tail!Copy !req
377. Hello, Mr. Harrison?Copy !req
378. Yeah, I see those
government guysCopy !req
379. you were telling me about.Copy !req
380. I'll show them a good timeCopy !req
381. and get them to come around
to our side.Copy !req
382. Excuse me.Copy !req
383. Al Gore? George W. Bush?Copy !req
384. - Yes.
- Yes.Copy !req
385. Great.Copy !req
386. And what's your friend's name?Copy !req
387. Dick Armey.Copy !req
388. Oh, gosh. No, seriously,
what's his name?Copy !req
389. Dick Armey.Copy !req
390. Oh, I just got it.Copy !req
391. Hey, Armey, hey, what's
your wife's name—Copy !req
392. Vagina Coast Guard?Copy !req
393. Oh, no, I'm kidding you guys.Copy !req
394. Get in the car.
We're going to a skin bar.Copy !req
395. That sounds good.Copy !req
396. Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!Copy !req
397. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
398. I don't know
what happened.Copy !req
399. It's okay.Copy !req
400. It's okay, Senator.Copy !req
401. This girl didn't
have a family.Copy !req
402. It'll be like
she never existed.Copy !req
403. Now grab ahold
of yourself.Copy !req
404. All right, now listen—
you may have killed herCopy !req
405. when you shoved all
those dollar bills down her throat.Copy !req
406. You may have
killed herCopy !req
407. when you hit her
with the stool—Copy !req
408. I don't know,
I'm not a doctor—Copy !req
409. but I'll tell you what
didn't kill her—Copy !req
410. smoking.Copy !req
411. You have our
support, Griffin.Copy !req
412. Look, kids, here's your father
in People MagazineCopy !req
413. with Jim Carrey.Copy !req
414. And they're both... smokin'.Copy !req
415. I loved that in Mask.Copy !req
416. Smokin'.Copy !req
417. Smokin'.Copy !req
418. Smokin'...Copy !req
419. Damn it! Do I have
to listen to this drivelCopy !req
420. 24 hours a day?Copy !req
421. But, hey, I guess
anything's betterCopy !req
422. than looking
at your smelly face.Copy !req
423. Mom!Copy !req
424. Now, honey, your face
smells fine.Copy !req
425. You know he doesn't
mean it.Copy !req
426. It's just the lack
of nicotine.Copy !req
427. Hey, Mom, the school
janitor saidCopy !req
428. that Dad's working
for the bad guysCopy !req
429. and he said it through
a hole in his throat.Copy !req
430. Well, that doesn't
make him right.Copy !req
431. If I had a hole
in my throatCopy !req
432. I'd put pennies in it.Copy !req
433. Listen, you father's
doing great workCopy !req
434. and life's
never been better.Copy !req
435. Yes, I too applaud the oafCopy !req
436. for finally showing
some initiative.Copy !req
437. God knows it was years overdue.Copy !req
438. Oh, you know who I sawCopy !req
439. at the market today?Copy !req
440. Patty Croft.Copy !req
441. Oh, and she has gotten fat.Copy !req
442. Oh, my god! Stewie, no!Copy !req
443. Oh, God,
what have I done?Copy !req
444. I knew smoking was bad,
but I still sold my soulCopy !req
445. and for what?
Martha Stewart?Copy !req
446. Come on, kids,
we got to put a stop to this.Copy !req
447. Now!Copy !req
448. Finally.Copy !req
449. Ah.Copy !req
450. They call me BillCopy !req
451. Yes, they call me BillCopy !req
452. And I'm standing here
on Capitol...Copy !req
453. Bob Dole's a friend
of the tobacco industry.Copy !req
454. Bob Dole likes your style.Copy !req
455. Bob Dole, Bob Dole...Copy !req
456. Bob Dole, Bob Dole,
Bob Dole, Bob Dole...Copy !req
457. Bob Dole... Bob Dole...Copy !req
458. There you are.Copy !req
459. Peter, I caught
Stewie smoking.Copy !req
460. That cigarette company
is evil.Copy !req
461. We can't be a part
of this anymore.Copy !req
462. Lois, this is
the best job I ever had.Copy !req
463. Hey, since I
became presidentCopy !req
464. profits have been higher
than Alyssa Milano.Copy !req
465. What kind of cheap shot?Copy !req
466. Joel!Copy !req
467. I'm suing, I'm suing.
I'm on it.Copy !req
468. Mr. Griffin, time
for your speech.Copy !req
469. But Peter, what about
your son?Copy !req
470. So Stewie
had a puff.Copy !req
471. He's old enough to make
his own decisions.Copy !req
472. For God's sakes,
Lois, he's one.Copy !req
473. Cut the umbilical cord.Copy !req
474. Ladies and gentlemen
of Congress—Copy !req
475. I am here today to talk
to you about smoking.Copy !req
476. Oh, please, Peter,
do the right thing.Copy !req
477. I know a lot of you are
already on my side.Copy !req
478. And for you naysayersCopy !req
479. I have two strong words
for you—Copy !req
480. Come on.Copy !req
481. Come on!Copy !req
482. Okay.Copy !req
483. Oh, okay.Copy !req
484. Sure.Copy !req
485. Thank you, ladies and...Copy !req
486. And... and...Copy !req
487. Baby needs to suck ash.Copy !req
488. Baby needs
to suck ash.Copy !req
489. Not ass, you pervert.Copy !req
490. Save it for
the interns.Copy !req
491. Is that a baby?Copy !req
492. Oh, my God, that's Stewie!Copy !req
493. Lois was right.Copy !req
494. Children under four
shouldn't smoke.Copy !req
495. Look, I don't care about
this stupid job anymore.Copy !req
496. Cigarettes are bad.Copy !req
497. Mr. Griffin is right.Copy !req
498. Smoking is a horrible vice.Copy !req
499. It shortens life expectancy
and pollutes our airCopy !req
500. and according to recent polls,
air is good.Copy !req
501. Cigarettes killed my father...Copy !req
502. and raped my mother.Copy !req
503. Gentlemen, I propose
we send a messageCopy !req
504. to tobacco companies everywhereCopy !req
505. by fining the El Dorado
Cigarette CompanyCopy !req
506. infinity billion dollars.Copy !req
507. That's the spirit, Frank.Copy !req
508. But I think a real number
might be more effective.Copy !req
509. All in favor of fining
this evil tobacco giantCopy !req
510. $100 million, say aye.Copy !req
511. Aye.Copy !req
512. But that will
bankrupt us.Copy !req
513. Oh, you mean the wayCopy !req
514. you've morally
bankrupted America?Copy !req
515. Thanks for that
zinger, boys.Copy !req
516. Now give me
a snappy line to go out on.Copy !req
517. Actually, our lunch
is here.Copy !req
518. Uh...Copy !req
519. well, that's my mama.Copy !req
520. Hi. I'm Peter Griffin.Copy !req
521. You know, we've had
a lot of laughs tonightCopy !req
522. but I'll tell you
what's not funny.Copy !req
523. Killing strippers.Copy !req
524. Strippers are people, too.Copy !req
525. Naked people who may be willing
to pleasure youCopy !req
526. for a price you negotiate laterCopy !req
527. behind the curtain
at a VIP room.Copy !req
528. Besides, there's no need
to kill them.Copy !req
529. 'Cause most of them are already
dead inside.Copy !req
530. Good night, everyone.Copy !req