Family Guy 3x22

Directed by Dan Povenmire

Mary Scheer as (voice) • Ben Stein as Rabbi Goldberg (voice) • Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker / Obi-Wan Kenobi (voice) • Ed McMahon as Self (voice) • Peter Riegert as Max Weinstein (voice) • Ed McMahon as Ed McMahon (voice)

The day that Peter buys volcano insurance is the day that Lois becomes fed up with their constant money problems.

Request examples:

!req Family Guy 3x22 [02:32]
!req Family Guy 3x22 [Family Guy 3x22]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Family Guy 3x22 [10-11]; !req Family Guy 3x22 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. DAD, CAN YOU HELP ME WITH MY MATH?

2. MR. SHACKLEFORD SAYS IF I DON'T LEARN IT

3. I WON'T BE ABLE TO FUNCTION IN THE REAL WORLD.

4. OKAY, NOW, WHAT YOU GOT TO DO

5. IS GO DOWN THE ROAD

6. PAST THE OLD JOHNSON PLACE

7. AND YOU'RE GOING TO FIND TWO ROADS.

8. ONE PARALLEL AND ONE PERPENDICULAR.

9. NOW, KEEP GOING UNTIL YOU COME TO A HIGHWAY

10. THAT BISECTS IT AT A 45-DEGREE ANGLE.

11. SOLVE FOR X.

12. MATH... HUH.

13. MATH, MY DEAR BOY

14. IS NOTHING MORE THAN THE LESBIAN SISTER OF BIOLOGY.

15. HELLO, SIR.

16. ENOUGH WITH THE FOREPLAY.

17. WHAT ARE YOU SELLING?

18. WELL, I WAS GOING TO TRY

19. TO SELL YOU SOME HANDSOME CREAM

20. BUT I CAN SEE

21. YOU ALREADY BOUGHT OUT THE STORE.

22. GO ON.

23. SO, PERHAPS YOU'D BE INTERESTED IN SOMETHING

24. EVERY HOMEOWNER

25. VOLCANO INSURANCE.

26. GO ON.

27. ACCORDING TO MY UNCLE

28. WHO'S A REAL WHIZ WITH VOLCANOES

29. A VOLCANO IS COMING THIS WAY.

30. HMM... I, TOO, HAVE AN UNCLE.

31. COME IN.

32. HOW MUCH IS THIS VOLCANO INSURANCE?

33. I-I DON'T KNOW.

34. UH, LET'S SAY $200.

35. $200? THAT'S MORE THAN I SPENT

36. ON ALL THAT HANDSOME CREAM.

37. I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY.

38. WHAT ABOUT THAT JAR OF MONEY?

39. OH, WAIT

40. THAT'S LOIS'S RAINY-DAY FUND.

41. AH, COME ON.

42. IT NEVER RAINS IN RHODE ISLAND.

43. BUT— YEAH, BUT I'M PRETTY SURE

44. WE'VE NEVER HAD A VOLCANO EITHER.

45. WELL, DON'T YOU THINK WE'RE OVERDUE FOR ONE?

46. TOUCHE, SALESMAN.

47. OH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

48. WATCHING YOU SLEEP, CUTIE-PIE.

49. WHY YOU SICK, SICK LITTLE MOO COW.

50. YOU SHALL WATCH

51. NO MORE!

52. STEWIE!

53. MY GLASSES!

54. I CAN'T SEE A THING WITHOUT MY GLASSES.

55. WHY WON'T YOU LET ME GET LASER SURGERY?

56. BECAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK IT'S SAFE.

57. OKAY, I JUST NEED TO MAKE A QUICK INCISION HERE

58. AND WE SHOULD BE ALL DONE, MRS. WILSON.

59. LUKE, USE THE FORCE.

60. REALLY? 'CAUSE I WAS JUST GOING TO...

61. LUKE, USE THE FORCE.

62. OKAY.

63. ARE YOU HAPPY?

64. I'VE NEVER BEEN HAPPY.

65. OH, DON'T WORRY, HONEY

66. WE'LL GET YOU A NEW PAIR TOMORROW.

67. YES, AND IN THE MEANTIME

68. HERE'S A LITTLE VISION TEST.

69. WHAT IS THIS?

70. A POOPIE OR TOBLERONE?

71. We now return

72. to Girlfriends on Lifetime.

73. Barry was over last night and he...

74. Don't tell me.

75. He left the toilet seat up.

76. Oh, I ran into Frank.

77. It's funny; he fought in Vietnam

78. he's an exorcist

79. but there is one thing that terrifies him...

80. Commitment.

81. Oh, Midge, you're my third best friend

82. in the whole world.

83. Third? Who are the first two?

84. Ben and Jerry.

85. Television for Idiots.

86. PETER, DID YOU TAKE THE MONEY

87. FROM THE FAMILY JAR?

88. WHO ME? YES ME.

89. COULDN'T BE. THEN WHO?

90. YEAH, I DID IT.

91. I BOUGHT US VOLCANO INSURANCE.

92. VOLCANO INSURANCE.

93. THAT'S RIDICULOUS!

94. THAT'S THE SAME THING YOU SAID

95. WHEN YOU TALKED ME OUT OF GETTING THAT CLOUD INSURANCE.

96. LOOK AT THEM UP THERE.

97. JUST PLOTTING... PICKING THEIR MOMENT.

98. SO, BILL, WE ATTACK TOMORROW.

99. YES. TOMORROW.

100. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

101. I DO, TOO.

102. PETER, THAT WAS OUR EMERGENCY MONEY

103. AND YOUR DAUGHTER JUST SO HAPPENS

104. TO NEED A NEW PAIR OF GLASSES.

105. LOIS, NO ONE REALLY NEEDS GLASSES.

106. YOU WEAR GLASSES.

107. THAT'S ONLY TO FOOL THE MAN FROM THE DRAFT BOARD.

108. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SQUANDERED THAT MONEY.

109. I SWEAR, SOMETIMES I FEEL

110. LIKE I'M MARRIED TO A CHILD.

111. WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT

112. MY BEAUTIFUL BRIDE

113. EXCEPT MILK, MILK, LEMONADE

114. AROUND THE CORNER, FUDGE IS MADE.

115. YOU BETTER WATCH WHO YOU'RE CALLING A CHILD, LOIS

116. BECAUSE IF I'M A CHILD

117. THEN YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MAKES YOU?

118. A PEDOPHILE. AND I'LL DAMNED IF I'M GOING TO STAND HERE

119. AND BE LECTURED BY A PERVERT.

120. CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, CLEVELAND?

121. LOIS THINKS I'M BAD WITH MONEY.

122. SHE'S GOT A POINT, PETER.

123. YOU'RE THE WHITE VERSION

124. OF A BLACK GUY WHO'S NOT GOOD WITH HIS MONEY.

125. HEY, GUYS AND DOLLS

126. DRINKS ARE ON DO-RE-ME!

127. WHERE'D YOU GET THAT?

128. THIS LOOT'S THANKS TO MY STOCKBROKER

129. IAN GREENSTEIN.

130. HE MADE SOME SMART INVESTMENTS THAT REALLY PAID OFF.

131. THAT GUY IS TO MONEY WHAT MISS ANN-MARGRET

132. IS TO EE-ER-EE-ER...

133. LET ME BUY THE DRINKS, QUAGMIRE.

134. MY ACCOUNTANT LARRY ROSENBLATT JUST GOT ME A HUGE TAX REFUND

135. AND TICKETS TO BRING IN DA NOISE, BRING IN DA FUNK.

136. THE NOISE WAS GOOD

137. BUT I THOUGHT

138. A LOT OF THE FUNK.

139. WAIT A SECOND.

140. ROSENBLATT? GREENSTEIN?

141. SO YOU'RE SAYING I NEED A JEWISH GUY TO HANDLE MY MONEY.

142. PETER, NOT EVERY JEWISH PERSON IS GOOD WITH MONEY.

143. WELL, YEAH, I GUESS NOT THE RETARDED ONES

144. BUT WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THAT?

145. FOR SHOCK VALUE?

146. SHESH, CLEVELAND, THERE'S EDGY AND THERE'S OFFENSIVE.

147. GOOD DAY, SIR.

148. MOTHER, YOU KNOW HOW I HATE

149. ASKING FOR MONEY, BUT...

150. MOTHER, PETER'S AN EXCELLENT PROVIDER.

151. NO, MOTHER, I DO NOT THINK

152. I'D BE BETTER OFF MARRIED TO A CHIMP.

153. I DON'T CARE HOW WELL THAT CHIMP ACROSS THE STREET IS DOING.

154. REALLY? WELL, YEAH, OKAY

155. I GUESS YOU CAN TELL HIM I SAID HI.

156. BUT DON'T MAKE ME SOUND DESPERATE.

157. I GOT TO GET A GREENSTEIN OR A ROSENBLATT

158. OF MY VERY OWN.

159. HI. MY NAME'S MAX WEINSTEIN.

160. MY CAR JUST BROKE DOWN.

161. MAY I USE YOUR PHONE?

162. HEY!

163. I PRAYED FOR YOU, MAX WEINSTEIN

164. AND HERE YOU ARE.

165. OKAY.

166. LISTEN, UH, THANKS FOR LETTING ME USE THE PHONE.

167. THANKS FOR SPACEBALLS.

168. YEAH, WELL, IF THERE'S ANYTHING I CAN EVER DO FOR YOU...

169. - YOU CAN'T LEAVE. - AAH!

170. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

171. FINANCIAL ADVICE.

172. FINANCIAL ADVICE?

173. HOW THE HELL DID YOU KNOW I'M AN ACCOUNTANT?

174. HELLO? "MAX WEINSTEIN"?

175. LOOK, I'LL DO WHAT I CAN.

176. BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU THINK

177. I CAN GET YOUR MONEY BACK.

178. M-M-MAX, MAX, MAX.

179. LET'S NOT DENY OUR HERITAGES.

180. YOU'RE JEWISH; YOU'RE GOOD WITH MONEY.

181. I'M IRISH; I DRINK AND I BAN HOMOSEXUALS

182. FROM MARCHING IN MY PARADE.

183. NOW HELP ME GET MY MONEY BACK.

184. OH. IT'S YOU.

185. UM... I'M NOT IN RIGHT NOW.

186. PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE.

187. ( sighs ): OH, MAN

188. I HATE THESE THINGS.

189. UH, YEAH, HI, THIS IS PETER GRIFFIN

190. UH, I'M SORRY I MISSED YOU, UH...

191. PETER, PLAY WITH THIS.

192. LOOK, SIR, I HAVE REVIEWED THIS CONTRACT

193. AND IT OFFERS NO COVERAGE AT ALL.

194. IT JUST SAYS "VOLCANO INSURANCE"

195. OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

196. AND DOWN HERE IN SMALL PRINT IT SAYS

197. "HE'S SIGNING IT, HE'S SIGNING IT

198. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT."

199. - SO? - SO, JUST REFUND THIS MAN'S MONEY

200. AND WE'LL BE ON OUR WAY.

201. I DON'T HAVE YOUR MONEY.

202. HOW ABOUT THAT MONEY?

203. NO WAY.

204. THAT'S LOIS' RAINY DAY FUND.

205. OH, DAMN IT.

206. So you couldn't date her

207. because she was a tickler.

208. A tickler.

209. And you're not a stickler for a tickler.

210. Not a stickler for a tickler.

211. Not a tickler stickler? Not a tickler stickler.

212. Tickler, stickler. Stickler, tickler.

213. WHERE THE HELL IS THE REMOTE?

214. HEY, HONEY, GUESS WHAT?

215. I GOT BACK THE MONEY FOR MEG'S GLASSES.

216. REALLY?

217. OH, HONEY.

218. OH, HELLO.

219. THIS IS MY SPECIAL FRIEND MAX WEINSTEIN.

220. HE'S JEWISH.

221. OH, MY, HOW EXOTIC.

222. THANK YOU?

223. SEE? HERE'S YOUR RAINY DAY MONEY

224. AND I BALANCED OUR CHECKBOOK, TOO.

225. YOU BALANCED OUR CHECKBOOK?

226. YEP. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MAX?

227. HMM? OH, YEAH, SURE.

228. HE DID IT.

229. WELL, I'M GOING TO GO CALL MY MOTHER RIGHT NOW

230. AND TELL HER TO TELL THAT CHIMP ACROSS THE STREET.

231. OH, LOOK HOW LOW I'VE SUNK.

232. TAKING CREDIT FOR SOMETHING A SMART JEWISH PERSON DID.

233. - OH, THAT'S OKAY, PETER. - NO, NO, NO.

234. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN DOING THAT FOR TOO DAMN LONG.

235. IT IS THE WHITE DEVIL THAT HAS PROPOGATED, EXACERBATED,

236. INSTIGATED... INSTIGATED... LINE.

237. INSTIGATED OUR HATRED LIKE A BUICK.

238. WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I AGREED TO THIS?

239. THIS IS SO DEGRADING. IT'S... THIS IS... WORSE

240. THAN THE TIME I WAS AT THE FRIAR'S CLUB

241. AND SOON-YI'S RETAINER FELL OUT OF MY PANTS.

242. LOIS, I APPRECIATE THE MARSHMALLOW AND FISH CASSEROLE

243. BUT, I'M SORRY, I... I CAN'T EAT THIS.

244. OH, BECAUSE IT'S NOT KOSHER.

245. YEAH, LET'S GO WITH THAT.

246. CAN STEWIE AND ME BE EXCUSED?

247. HE'S GOING TO HELP ME WITH MY MATH HOMEWORK.

248. CHRIS, HE'S JUST A BABY.

249. OH, AND YOU'RE A REGULAR RHODES SCHOLAR?

250. WHERE WAS IT YOU GRADUATED FROM AGAIN? HMM?

251. THE UNIVERSITY OF DUH?

252. I CAN HELP YOU WITH YOUR HOMEWORK, SON.

253. OH, MY GOD, IS THERE NOTHING YOU PEOPLE CAN'T DO?

254. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, OTHER THAN MANUAL LABOR?

255. PETER, WHAT A RIDICULOUS THING TO SAY.

256. THEY BUILT THE PYRAMIDS.

257. YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE PETER.

258. HE CAN BE A LITTLE TACTLESS SOMETIMES.

259. YES, LIKE THE TIME HE SOILED HIMSELF AT THAT DINNER PARTY?

260. I WAS SO SORRY TO HEAR THAT YOUR FATHER PASSED AWAY.

261. YES, IT SPREAD THROUGH HIS BODY SO FAST

262. BUT HE'S AT PEACE NOW, AND A WHOLE...

263. UH-OH.

264. AHH... WELL, THERE'S ONLY ONE THING

265. THAT WILL TOP A GREAT DINNER LIKE THAT.

266. OPERATION.

267. - MAY I PLAY? - MOM?

268. - MOM? - MOM?

269. THANK YOU, BUT I CAN'T STAY.

270. IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.

271. I'VE GOT TO GO TO TEMPLE.

272. TEMPLE? AH, LIKE INDIANA JONES?

273. WILL YOU JUST PICK IT UP ALREADY?

274. LOOK, THEY'D BETTER NOT

275. BE EXPECTING US TO GIVE MONEY

276. BECAUSE I ALREADY GAVE AT CHURCH LAST SUNDAY

277. AND I'M PRETTY SURE IT ALL GOES TO THE SAME GOD.

278. PETER! MAX, IT WAS NICE OF YOU TO INVITE US ALONG.

279. YOUR HUSBAND'S GOT A GOOD HEART, LOIS

280. BUT HIS VIEWS ON JUDAISM ARE A LITTLE MISGUIDED.

281. I'D CONSIDER IT A MITZVAH TO EDUCATE HIM A LITTLE.

282. NO, NO, NO. NO.

283. I DON'T THINK SO.

284. IT IS NOT THAT I HAVE IDEOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES.

285. I'M JUST NOT A HAT PERSON.

286. HEY, LOOK. I DIDN'T KNOW

287. THE PRINCIPAL OF MEG'S SCHOOL WAS JEWISH.

288. HEY, THERE'S BILLY NYE THE SCIENCE GUY, AND HALF

289. OF LENNY KRAVITZ.

290. OPTIMUS PRIME?

291. HE'S JEWISH?

292. AW, JEEZ, MAX, I...

293. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THIS.

294. I WENT TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL.

295. I'M NOT SURE THIS IS ALLOWED.

296. AW, WHAT THE HELL.

297. OH, DEAR.

298. SISTER MARY JOSEPH, IT APPEARS

299. PETER GRIFFIN HAS ENTERED A SYNAGOGUE.

300. LOCK 'N' LOAD, BRIDES OF CHRIST.

301. EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT.

302. HELLO.

303. OH, WE'RE NOT JEWISH.

304. BUT I HEAR YOU PEOPLE HAVE SUCH LOVELY SERVICES.

305. OH, MY GOD, I DIDN'T MEAN "YOU PEOPLE."

306. I DIDN'T MEAN, "OH, MY GOD" EITHER.

307. I KNOW HE'S YOUR GOD, TOO.

308. I... SHH. SORRY.

309. AND ON THIS DAY, THE SABBATH WE GATHER HERE TO...

310. UH-OH!

311. THAT WAS SO NICE.

312. A GOOD SERMON

313. AND SUCH BEAUTIFUL SONGS.

314. YEAH, IT WAS JUST LIKE THAT OTHER JEWISH MUSICAL WE SAW.

315. A FIDDLER ON THE ROOF.

316. SOUNDS CRAZY, NO?

317. BUT HERE, IN OUR LITTLE VILLAGE OF ANATEVKA, YOU MIGHT SAY

318. EACH ONE OF US...

319. CARD!

320. CARD!

321. WELL, THERE'S MY CAB.

322. IT WAS NICE MEETING ALL OF YOU.

323. AW, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, BUDDY.

324. WAIT, MR. WEINSTEIN.

325. I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO HELP ME

326. WITH MY HOMEWORK.

327. I'M SORRY, SON. I HAVE TO GO, BUT I'M...

328. I'M SURE YOU'LL DO JUST FINE.

329. I DON'T KNOW, MAX.

330. THE KID'S NOT EXACTLY AN HONOR-ROLL STUDENT.

331. WATCH.

332. HEY.

333. HE DID IT.

334. SEE?

335. PETER, YOU TOOK ME IN, FED ME DINNER

336. CAME TO TEMPLE WITH ME.

337. YOU'RE A NICE FAMILY.

338. I HAVE FAITH THAT CHRIS WILL GROW UP

339. TO BE A REAL MENSCH.

340. YOU... OW! OW! DAD! DAD!

341. LOIS, I JUST FIGURED OUT

342. HOW TO MAKE SURE CHRIS BECOMES A BIG SUCCESS.

343. PLEASE TELL ME THIS DOESN'T HAVE

344. ANYTHING TO DO WITH TONY ROBBINS.

345. OH, NO. I LEARNED MY LESSON.

346. COULD YOU SIGN THIS BOOK, PLEASE?

347. TONY ROBBINS HUNGRY.

348. NO, LOIS, I'M GOING TO MAKE CHRIS JEWISH.

349. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

350. HE THINKS IF CHRIS IS JEWISH, HE'LL BECOME SMART.

351. PETER, YOU CAN'T CONVERT SOMEONE

352. BECAUSE YOU THINK IT'LL HELP THEIR GRADES.

353. NOW, I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD ABOUT THIS.

354. WHERE WE GOING?

355. SON, IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME AND MEG'S A GIRL

356. BUT FOR YOU, THE SKY'S THE LIMIT.

357. WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU TO THAT SYNAGOGUE

358. AND TURN YOU JEWISH.

359. OKAY!

360. CHRIS, DUCK.

361. MR. GRIFFIN, I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND.

362. WHY EXACTLY DOES YOUR SON WANT TO JOIN THE JEWISH FAITH?

363. I DON'T KNOW. HE'S BI-CURIOUS.

364. I APPRECIATE YOUR INTEREST

365. BUT JUDAISM TAKES A SERIOUS COMMITMENT.

366. ELLIOT HERE

367. HAS SPENT YEARS PREPARING

368. FOR HIS BAR MITZVAH THIS SATURDAY.

369. A BAR MITZVAH. PERFECT.

370. HOW MUCH FOR ONE OF THOSE?

371. YOU CAN'T JUST BUY A BAR MITZVAH.

372. IT REQUIRES A LOT OF STUDY.

373. WELL, CAN'T WE SKIP THAT PART?

374. I MEAN, COME ON— IF CHRIS KNEW HOW TO STUDY

375. HE WOULDN'T NEED TO BECOME JEWISH

376. IN THE FIRST PLACE, RIGHT?

377. RIGHT?

378. RIGHT?

379. DON'T WORRY, DAD.

380. I DON'T NEED A BAR MITZVAH.

381. I'M OKAY JUST THE WAY I...

382. OW, OW, OW!

383. NOW, WE GOT NO TIME TO LOSE.

384. THERE'S GOT TO BE SOME PLACE IN AMERICA

385. WHERE YOU CAN TAKE A SOLEMN SPIRITUAL CEREMONY

386. THAT BEGINS A LIFETIME COMMITMENT

387. AND BLOW THROUGH IT IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES.

388. ALL RIGHT, DAD!

389. SO HOW DO I LOOK IN MY NEW GLASSES?

390. HOW SHALL I PUT THIS?

391. IN AN ATTIC SOMEWHERE, THERE'S A PORTRAIT OF YOU GETTING PRETTIER.

392. WOW. SOMEONE NEEDS A NAP.

393. AFTER LUNCH, IT'S STRAIGHT TO BED, STEWIE.

394. ( groans ) THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME MY WIT HAS GONE UNAPPRECIATED.

395. AND IN THE COMEDY COMPETITION,

396. STEWIE GRIFFIN RECEIVES THREE AND A HALF STARS.

397. CHALLENGER SINBAD RECEIVES FOUR STARS.

398. WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION— SINBAD!

399. STEWIE, ANY PARTING WORDS?

400. UM, YOU KNOW, I GOT BEAT, PURE AND SIMPLE.

401. YOU, YOU ARE A VERY FUNNY MAN.

402. MEN BE ACTING ALL LIKE ZOMBIES AT THE MALL.

403. GOD, AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?

404. WHERE'S YOUR FATHER AND CHRIS?

405. IT'S NOT LIKE THEM TO BE LATE FOR LUNCH.

406. I THINK THEY LEFT A NOTE.

407. BRIAN, WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?

408. NOTHING.

409. I KNOW WHEN YOU'RE LYING TO ME, BRIAN.

410. NO, NO, I SWEAR.

411. MEG, TAKE STEWIE UPSTAIRS.

412. WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

413. OH, YOU DON'T KNOW THAT, EITHER.

414. LAST CHANCE, BRIAN.

415. ( whining ): THEY'RE IN VEGAS

416. GETTING A QUICKIE BAR MITZVAH.

417. WHAT?

418. WELL, HEL-LOIS.

419. FORGIVE ME FOR POINTING.

420. QUICK, I NEED TO BORROW YOUR CAR.

421. I'VE GOT A BAR MITZVAH TO STOP.

422. NO PROBLEM— LET ME GRAB MY KEYS.

423. AW, CHRIS, IN A FEW MINUTES

424. YOU'LL BECOME A SMART, SUCCESSFUL JEWISH MAN.

425. I COULD MAKE A FORESKIN JOKE RIGHT NOW

426. BUT THIS IS A SOLEMN OCCASION.

427. AND BESIDES, THERE'LL BE PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT

428. ON THE RIDE BACK.

429. AW, I GOT SO MANY OF 'EM, TOO.

430. I-I KNOW, I KNOW— SHH, SHH, SHH! BUT LATER...

431. CHRIS!

432. CHRIS!

433. STOP THIS TRAVESTY RIGHT NOW!

434. SO, BAR MITZVAHS ARE TRAVESTIES, HUH?

435. NO, MY SON GETTING BAR MITZVAHED IS A TRAVESTY.

436. HE'S DOING IT FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS.

437. WELL, LOOKIE HERE, HERSCHEL.

438. WE GOT US ONE OF THEM SELF-HATING JEWS.

439. NOTHING I HATE WORSE THAN A JEW

440. WHO DOESN'T APPRECIATE HER OWN RICH HERITAGE.

441. COME ON, MORDECAI, LET'S GET HER!

442. I'M SORRY, LOIS.

443. I JUST WANTED OUR SON TO BE JEWISH SO HE'D BE SMARTER.

444. THEN MAYBE HIS WIFE WOULDN'T BE SORRY

445. SHE DIDN'T MARRY THE CHIMP NEXT DOOR.

446. OH, PETER...

447. JUST BECAUSE STEVEN MAKES MORE MONEY THAN YOU

448. DOESN'T MEAN HE'S ANY SMARTER.

449. AND I THINK CHRIS WILL DO JUST FINE.

450. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?

451. BECAUSE I HAVE FAITH IN HIM

452. THE WAY I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.

453. BESIDES, A PERSON'S RELIGION IS NO GUARANTEE OF SUCCESS.

454. I SEE WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

455. THE JEWISH ARE JUST LIKE US.

456. NO BETTER, NO WORSE.

457. "ZO ZION, MIT GLICK."

458. WHAT?

459. I THINK WHAT HE'S TRYING TO SAY IS

460. EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.