1. Oh, my. Tomatoes are $3.99 a pound.Copy !req
2. That's so high. Isn't that high?
It seems so high.Copy !req
3. This is interminable!Copy !req
4. I demand to know why you insist on
taking me everywhere you go!Copy !req
5. Really! What could possibly happen
if you left me home by myself?Copy !req
6. Great party, Griff.Copy !req
7. Girls, you know Jimmy Caan.
Jimmy, make yourself at home.Copy !req
8. Hey, thanks.Copy !req
9. I meant, have a Cheese Doodle.
But whatever. It's a party.Copy !req
10. Instant stuffing
or instant mashed potatoes?Copy !req
11. The choices are so...Copy !req
12. Cleanup on Aisle 3! I got it!Copy !req
13. Where's Chris?Copy !req
14. I love you, She-Hulk.Copy !req
15. All right, son.
I'm gonna need those two hams back.Copy !req
16. I don't have any hams.Copy !req
17. Lift up your shirt, son.Copy !req
18. I need an adult!Copy !req
19. You're not a shoplifter!Copy !req
20. You're just a fat kid.
Sorry about that, Fatty Fat Fatty.Copy !req
21. Hey, Tom! He's just a fat kid!Copy !req
22. Aren't you, Fatty?
You're just a big old fat kid.Copy !req
23. - Here's some chocolate, Fatso.
- Thanks!Copy !req
24. - Brian, flea collars are on sale.
- Too many chemicals.Copy !req
25. This year I'm trying
a more natural alternative.Copy !req
26. Sorry, Dr. Ling. I guess I'm nervous.
This whole thing is a little weird.Copy !req
27. Never you fear, laddie-buck.
I've been doing this all me life.Copy !req
28. You see,
the reason your fleas are drawn to you...Copy !req
29. is your kidney energy
is being blocked by a dark chi.Copy !req
30. Or what we call in my country,
wee-fung-chow-hu.Copy !req
31. Hey, Doc. Do you have to keep
those two boxes next to each other?Copy !req
32. Why? What do they say?Copy !req
33. I think we're through here.Copy !req
34. "It seems today that all you seeCopy !req
35. "is violence in movies and sex on TVCopy !req
36. "But where are those good,
old-fashioned valuesCopy !req
37. "on which we used to rely?Copy !req
38. "Lucky there's a family guyCopy !req
39. "Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell youCopy !req
40. "all the things that make usCopy !req
41. "laugh 'n' cryCopy !req
42. "He's a family guy"Copy !req
43. Attention, world leaders.Copy !req
44. I have 137 nuclear warheads trained
on every capital city around the globe.Copy !req
45. The world is now under my control!Copy !req
46. But oh, no! I'm naked!Copy !req
47. What the deuce? Fleas!Copy !req
48. Damn you, Mop 'n Glo.Copy !req
49. Wake up, Leona!Copy !req
50. This decrepit Hooverville is infested
with something besides idiots!Copy !req
51. Oh, my gosh!
Stewie, you've got bugs on your jammies.Copy !req
52. - Peter, wake up!
- What?Copy !req
53. Stewie's covered with fleas!Copy !req
54. That's nothing. Once when I was a kid,
I was covered with ticks.Copy !req
55. Peter, it's not a contest.Copy !req
56. It was back then.Copy !req
57. Oh, no. Brian.Copy !req
58. That's it! Time for doggie
to go the way of Old Yeller.Copy !req
59. Old Yeller, did I get a call from Tony?Copy !req
60. Oh, yeah. He left a message.
I forgot to tell you.Copy !req
61. Is it on the machine?Copy !req
62. I erased it.Copy !req
63. All right, out back.Copy !req
64. No, Ma. Yeller's my dog. I'll do it.Copy !req
65. Come on! He'll call back!Copy !req
66. Brian, are you okay?Copy !req
67. Okay?Copy !req
68. I'm covered in fleas, lady!
I'm losing it here!Copy !req
69. Get a hold of yourself!Copy !req
70. You're supposed to hit Brian!Copy !req
71. Dad, I'm itchy! I'm itchy!Copy !req
72. Out of my way, wide load!
Mom, there's fleas all over the house!Copy !req
73. There's one thing to do.Copy !req
74. Learn the language of the fleas,
earn their trust...Copy !req
75. then breed with their women.Copy !req
76. And in time,
our differences will be forgotten.Copy !req
77. Call the damn exterminator!Copy !req
78. We got a 602 at 31 Spooner Street!Copy !req
79. Logan, let's go!Copy !req
80. I can't.Copy !req
81. I just can't.Copy !req
82. What's with you?
You look like hell.Copy !req
83. Flaherty, he just watched his wife and kid
get carried away by 7 million fire ants.Copy !req
84. I don't want to meet the man
who looks good after that.Copy !req
85. My God! They're everywhere!Copy !req
86. - They're on the carpet!
- Got one over here!Copy !req
87. It's no good! There are too many of them!Copy !req
88. What do we do now?
What the hell do we do now?Copy !req
89. We pray.Copy !req
90. Logan, you son of a bitch!Copy !req
91. You think I'd miss this party?Copy !req
92. I feel terrible about this whole thing.Copy !req
93. Why don't I put us up
at a nice hotel for a while?Copy !req
94. That's a great idea, Brian.
It'll be like a little vacation.Copy !req
95. You might want to bring some cash.Copy !req
96. You know,
some places don't take credit cards.Copy !req
97. But, Mister, I need real money.
I can't take a credit card.Copy !req
98. I see. Cash only?Copy !req
99. No paper trail? What are you selling?Copy !req
100. Reefer, crack, smack, horse,
X, shrooms, dust, meth?Copy !req
101. In my neighborhood? I don't think so!Copy !req
102. Oh, my. What a lovely room.Copy !req
103. And it's so clean.Copy !req
104. I think the ultraviolet scanning light
will be the judge of that.Copy !req
105. I picked this up on Dateline from that
yummy exo-skeleton, Maria Shriver.Copy !req
106. Just as I thought. Oatmeal, spittle...Copy !req
107. semen!Copy !req
108. This must be where Wilford Brimley
was strangled by Bob Crane!Copy !req
109. Cannonball!Copy !req
110. Jump in, honey. Don't be afraid.
The turtle will keep you safe.Copy !req
111. For God's sake,
I'm to entrust my life to a turtle?Copy !req
112. Nature's "D" student?Copy !req
113. This is marvelous!
I feel like a young Johnny Weissmuller.Copy !req
114. Chris, aren't you coming in?Copy !req
115. Can I swim with my shirt on?Copy !req
116. No. You can't swim with your shirt on.Copy !req
117. Wait a second.
What are you hiding under your shirt?Copy !req
118. Are you bruised?
Did somebody hit you?Copy !req
119. Lois, what did you do to my son?Copy !req
120. Will you keep your voice down?
You're embarrassing him.Copy !req
121. What? If I wanted to embarrass him,
I'd do something like this.Copy !req
122. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
123. Look what Chris Griffin's father,
Peter Griffin is doing!Copy !req
124. Stop it!Copy !req
125. Why don't you want to take your shirt off?Copy !req
126. Because I'm fat.Copy !req
127. Honey, no one thinks you're fat.Copy !req
128. I'm sorry, sir. You can't park your van
on the diving board.Copy !req
129. This is my son!Copy !req
130. My apologies.Copy !req
131. Hey, Tom! He's not a van!
He's just a fat kid!Copy !req
132. Don't listen to him.
I'll go get you a soda. You wait here.Copy !req
133. I say, hello!
You there, I'm ready to get out!Copy !req
134. Somebody! Oh, my! What was that?Copy !req
135. Hello, Mr. Water Jet.Copy !req
136. You ready to—
Go away!Copy !req
137. You're not fat.Copy !req
138. You just come from a long line
of husky Griffins.Copy !req
139. Like your great-great-great uncle,
Jabba the Griffin.Copy !req
140. Raja nabadua gola wookie nipple pinchie.Copy !req
141. Honey, if you want to lose weight,
I'll put you on a diet...Copy !req
142. - ... and your father can help you exercise.
- Really?Copy !req
143. Why not do what the supermodels do?Copy !req
144. Stick your finger in your throat
and throw up until you're skinny.Copy !req
145. Don't listen to your sister.Copy !req
146. Sticking your finger down your throat
doesn't make you throw up.Copy !req
147. Peter, you okay?Copy !req
148. Meatloaf for us, and a very special...Copy !req
149. very delicious steamed vegetable dish
for Chris.Copy !req
150. I hate vegetables.Copy !req
151. Honey, they're good for you.Copy !req
152. It tastes like a monkey.
A monkey that's past his prime.Copy !req
153. This meatloaf is a symphony of flavor.Copy !req
154. It's too bad you can't have some.
It's practically orgasmic!Copy !req
155. Oh, yes!Copy !req
156. I'll have what he's having.Copy !req
157. Okay, Chris.Copy !req
158. Time for some old-fashioned exercise
like those guys are doing.Copy !req
159. I say, Phineas,
great day to be doing squat thrusts...Copy !req
160. and lifting our huge
triangular iron weights!Copy !req
161. Dad, I don't like running.Copy !req
162. The sound of my thighs scraping together
hurts my ears.Copy !req
163. Hey, a Twinkie!Copy !req
164. I'm gonna get you!Copy !req
165. Come on. You can do it.
Feel the burn, Chris.Copy !req
166. Atta boy.
All the way upstream, buddy.Copy !req
167. Okay, just relax.
Try to soil yourself, like we practiced.Copy !req
168. Dad, this says I gained weight.Copy !req
169. That's impossible. Take off your shirt.Copy !req
170. What the hell is that?Copy !req
171. Bovine lummox!Copy !req
172. Oh, God!Copy !req
173. I tell you, he's been working out all week
and he hasn't lost a pound.Copy !req
174. If you're this desperate
about his weight...Copy !req
175. . why don't you just suck the fat out?Copy !req
176. If you can find a hole on him that
you want to put your lips on, be my guest.Copy !req
177. I'm talking about liposuction.Copy !req
178. My brother Broderick's
a cosmetic surgeon.Copy !req
179. Is he good?Copy !req
180. Well, Nell Carter used to be twice as big
before Broderick got through with her.Copy !req
181. FYI, he used the fat he took out of her...Copy !req
182. to make the two kids from Good Burger.Copy !req
183. This is a very safe procedure, son.Copy !req
184. You won't feel a thing.
I'm like a Green Beret, you know?Copy !req
185. I sneak inside you and I skulk around
like it's Vietnam or something.Copy !req
186. I'm sneaking through the bush, you know?Copy !req
187. And I get all that fat like it's
my buddies stuck behind enemy lines...Copy !req
188. and when I got all my buddies,
I sneak out again.Copy !req
189. I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you.Copy !req
190. Like the wind, you know.Copy !req
191. Good boy, Stewie. Clean plate.Copy !req
192. - Although I think you got—
- Yes! I got more of it on me than in me.Copy !req
193. That one never gets old.Copy !req
194. Here's your dessert, sweetie. Dig in.Copy !req
195. I'll eat it when I'm ready!Copy !req
196. Hi.
I'm ready!Copy !req
197. Time for dessert, isn't it?
Let's see, big chocolate cake for Stewie.Copy !req
198. And we have something very tasty
for big fat you.Copy !req
199. Bon appétit.Copy !req
200. Oh, and feel free to use my fork.
I shan't be needing it.Copy !req
201. Watch me. That's it. Watch this.Copy !req
202. Stewie, stop eating like a little piggy.
We should cut down on your sweets.Copy !req
203. You're starting to get a little
Buddha belly. Chris, where have you been?Copy !req
204. Dad took me to a doctor
to get the fat vacuumed out of my belly.Copy !req
205. What?Copy !req
206. I didn't do it. I'm just gonna stay
on my diet and exercise.Copy !req
207. Good for you.
That was a very grown-up decision.Copy !req
208. I mean, what kind of lazy, narcissistic...Copy !req
209. irresponsible moron would
even consider doing something...Copy !req
210. as unbelievably foolish
as getting liposuction.Copy !req
211. Who, I ask you. Who?Copy !req
212. Hello.Copy !req
213. My God! It's finally happened.Copy !req
214. He's become so massive he's collapsed
into himself like a neutron star!Copy !req
215. Mom, can I get lipo, too?Copy !req
216. Forget it, Meg.Copy !req
217. Peter, you can't just suck 200 pounds
of fat out of yourself. It's not natural.Copy !req
218. Come on, Lois. I feel great dropping
that kind of weight all at once.Copy !req
219. Remember how good you felt
after you had Chris?Copy !req
220. And they're off!Copy !req
221. Well then, giddy up.Copy !req
222. Great to be thin.
Yup.Copy !req
223. You know, there's something
I always wanted to do, Brian.Copy !req
224. But I could never do it
because I was so heavy.Copy !req
225. But now that I don't weigh so much,
I think I can.Copy !req
226. Could you help me do it?Copy !req
227. Sure, I'd be honored.Copy !req
228. I was wondering if I could put
a little saddle on your back...Copy !req
229. and ride you like a horsy.Copy !req
230. Okay. No, I understand.Copy !req
231. It's too much. It's okay.Copy !req
232. I like Hillary Clinton.
I don't care what anyone says.Copy !req
233. Peter, what are you...Copy !req
234. I can feel all the bones in your ass!Copy !req
235. Come on!Copy !req
236. I see you.Copy !req
237. But, Mom, it could change my life!Copy !req
238. Meg, for the last time,
you're not getting plastic surgery.Copy !req
239. Why not? It's totally safe.
A lot of famous people have done it.Copy !req
240. My son, your place is here
in the ice village.Copy !req
241. You know nothing of Hollywood
and its ways.Copy !req
242. But, Father, I have dreams, and courage...Copy !req
243. and the name
of an excellent cosmetic surgeon.Copy !req
244. Fear not. Someday word will reach you
about the success of me...Copy !req
245. the great Eskimo actor,
Jennifer Love Hewitt!Copy !req
246. MAN #1: Bring pride to our village!Copy !req
247. MAN #2: Send firewood.Copy !req
248. She's right, Lois.
Plastic surgery is great!Copy !req
249. I want Broderick
to take a look at my nose.Copy !req
250. It doesn't matter
if your nose is a little bulbousy...Copy !req
251. or your eyes are too close together,
or your chest is flabby.Copy !req
252. You are who you are.Copy !req
253. I think I know what you're getting at.Copy !req
254. Knock-knock.Copy !req
255. Hey, you can't just walk in
here without... Holy crap, it's Peter!Copy !req
256. Dad, you're pretty, like a girl.Copy !req
257. You look like a totally different person.Copy !req
258. This is crazy!Copy !req
259. You walk in here
with your chiseled jaw and your...Copy !req
260. Oh, my. I liked you the way you were.Copy !req
261. You're not even real anymore.Copy !req
262. Did you get a new buttocks?Copy !req
263. I had to. My old one had a crack in it.Copy !req
264. I couldn't be more angry with you.Copy !req
265. You really let this family down.Copy !req
266. We should be embracing
the things God gave us.Copy !req
267. Not telling our kids you're not as good
as others because of the way you look.Copy !req
268. Holy crap!Copy !req
269. Look. There's a baby in that refuse bin!Copy !req
270. Not too close, Barnaby. If you touch it,
the mother won't take it back.Copy !req
271. Alley-oop!Copy !req
272. Excuse me, sir.Copy !req
273. What is a handsome man like you
doing waiting in line?Copy !req
274. I need an adult!Copy !req
275. Warren Fredericks.
Quahog Beautiful People's Club.Copy !req
276. Come on in front.
But people were in front of me.Copy !req
277. You haven't been beautiful very long,
have you?Copy !req
278. Gorgeous guys like us
don't have to wait in line.Copy !req
279. Haven't you noticed? People will do
anything for a beautiful person.Copy !req
280. Yeah. You know, come to think of it...Copy !req
281. Hi, I'm on a scavenger hunt.
And I need a human foot.Copy !req
282. Well, as a rule, I would say no,
but okay, come in.Copy !req
283. So this is what?
This for like a school project or some...Copy !req
284. Raul, please take this handsome
gentleman's bags to his car.Copy !req
285. Thank you.Copy !req
286. Hey, when you're beautiful,
doors magically open for you.Copy !req
287. Actually, it opened because you stepped
on that black rubber square.Copy !req
288. Of course, if that wasn't there, it would
open anyway because you're beautiful.Copy !req
289. Wow!Copy !req
290. There's a lot of good looking people here.Copy !req
291. Of course. This is the
Quahog Beautiful People's Club.Copy !req
292. You're our newest member.
Here's your introductory basket.Copy !req
293. It's got some scented lotions,
Ferrari sunglasses...Copy !req
294. and of course,
pills to make your bowel movements...Copy !req
295. smell like bakery-fresh cinnamon rolls.Copy !req
296. Damn it!Copy !req
297. What happened? Orson fall down?Copy !req
298. Shut up! I don't want to hear it!Copy !req
299. It serves you right.Copy !req
300. You spent all that time taunting Chris,
now you have an eating disorder.Copy !req
301. Help me up!Copy !req
302. You know I would, but my doctor
advised me against heavy lifting.Copy !req
303. Oh, hardy har har.Copy !req
304. What the devil are you doing?Copy !req
305. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!Copy !req
306. Blast!Copy !req
307. Peter, did you paste a new picture
of yourself on our wedding portrait?Copy !req
308. - Yeah. I think it looks better.
- You pasted it over me.Copy !req
309. Yeah. I think it looks better.Copy !req
310. Have you lost your mind?Copy !req
311. Somebody is jealous!Copy !req
312. Have you forgotten about Chris?
He needs you to help him exercise.Copy !req
313. He finally figured out
how to catch the Twinkie.Copy !req
314. I'm turning you into poo!Copy !req
315. I'm going down
to The Beautiful People's Club.Copy !req
316. I guess I can bring him.Copy !req
317. Seeing us all in one place
might give him something to shoot for.Copy !req
318. The Beautiful People's Club?
I never heard of that.Copy !req
319. I can't say anymore.Copy !req
320. I'm probably already in trouble
for mentioning it to a...Copy !req
321. Well, we call you "normies." Okay, 'bye.Copy !req
322. Are you gonna take that?Copy !req
323. - Lois!
- What? Oh, Brian.Copy !req
324. I was seeing if the driveway...Copy !req
325. That wasn't even a sentence.Copy !req
326. You were ogling Peter
like a horny schoolgirl.Copy !req
327. I can't help it!Copy !req
328. I know. He's become
a superficial egomaniacal jerk...Copy !req
329. but I've never
been more attracted to him.Copy !req
330. Does that make me a bad person?Copy !req
331. Yes, it does make you a bad person.Copy !req
332. Peter, good to see you.Copy !req
333. Come with me. I've got a lot of tall,
statuesque people I want you to meet.Copy !req
334. - What's that?
- That's my son, Chris.Copy !req
335. He can't come in. He's fat.Copy !req
336. Let me tell you something, buddy,
if my son can't come in...Copy !req
337. then I'll just come in!Copy !req
338. - See you at home.
- But, Dad...Copy !req
339. Trust me, Chris.
Sometimes it's better not to fit in.Copy !req
340. You're all stupid.
They'll be looking for Army guys.Copy !req
341. Don't look at me! I'm hideous!Copy !req
342. How could you treat Chris that way?Copy !req
343. You know he's self-conscious
about his weight!Copy !req
344. What are you getting mad at me for?
He gets his fat from your genes.Copy !req
345. Which, by the way, I'm wearing.Copy !req
346. I hate what you've become!Copy !req
347. Why don't you go back to the doctor
to suck the fat out of your head?Copy !req
348. Maybe I will!
And then I'll put it on my feet...Copy !req
349. and skate on Paul Bunyan's
giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!Copy !req
350. That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
351. It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful!Copy !req
352. You're not welcome here! Go away!Copy !req
353. Wow, Chris. Did you lose weight?Copy !req
354. Maybe. I've been working out.Copy !req
355. You look wicked skinny.
I'm like, jealous.Copy !req
356. Thanks, Meg.
I'm jealous of your mustache.Copy !req
357. I don't have a mustache, do I?Copy !req
358. Oh, honey. It's fine.
It makes you look distinguished.Copy !req
359. But, Mom!Copy !req
360. I think all my children are beautiful.Copy !req
361. Damn you, ice cream. Come to my mouth.Copy !req
362. How dare you disobey me.Copy !req
363. What are you looking at,
you infantile, stupid...Copy !req
364. That's right. Damn you and such.Copy !req
365. You can burn in hell.Copy !req
366. She is so jealous.Copy !req
367. Of course, I'm beautiful.Copy !req
368. I mean, look at me.Copy !req
369. How strange...Copy !req
370. Should watch road but can't look away.Copy !req
371. Too beautiful.Copy !req
372. Well, Mr. Griffin,
the bandages are ready to come off.Copy !req
373. I think I should tell you,
it's a miracle that you're alive at all.Copy !req
374. We did all we can.
But medical science has come just so far.Copy !req
375. And now I will take off this protective
Potato Head mask.Copy !req
376. Oh, Peter! You look like you!Copy !req
377. I can't believe you're all still standing
by my side after what a jerk I was.Copy !req
378. Especially to you. I'm sorry, Chris.Copy !req
379. That's okay, Dad.Copy !req
380. Well, Peter, I guess you learned
a pretty valuable lesson.Copy !req
381. Nope!Copy !req