Family Guy 2x17

Directed by Glen Hill

Wally Wingert as (voice) • Jay Mohr as Logan (voice) • Nicole Sullivan as Girl in a Scavenger Hunt / Cashier (voice) • Gary Cole as Warren Fredericks (voice) • Phil LaMarr as (voice) • Wally Wingert as Man (voice) • Wally Wingert as Y2K Crown (voice)

Peter talks himself into getting liposuction and other plastic surgery.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Oh, my. Tomatoes are $3.99 a pound.

2. That's so high. Isn't that high? It seems so high.

3. This is interminable!

4. I demand to know why you insist on taking me everywhere you go!

5. Really! What could possibly happen if you left me home by myself?

6. Great party, Griff.

7. Girls, you know Jimmy Caan. Jimmy, make yourself at home.

8. Hey, thanks.

9. I meant, have a Cheese Doodle. But whatever. It's a party.

10. Instant stuffing or instant mashed potatoes?

11. The choices are so...

12. Cleanup on Aisle 3! I got it!

13. Where's Chris?

14. I love you, She-Hulk.

15. All right, son. I'm gonna need those two hams back.

16. I don't have any hams.

17. Lift up your shirt, son.

18. I need an adult!

19. You're not a shoplifter!

20. You're just a fat kid. Sorry about that, Fatty Fat Fatty.

21. Hey, Tom! He's just a fat kid!

22. Aren't you, Fatty? You're just a big old fat kid.

23. - Here's some chocolate, Fatso. - Thanks!

24. - Brian, flea collars are on sale. - Too many chemicals.

25. This year I'm trying a more natural alternative.

26. Sorry, Dr. Ling. I guess I'm nervous. This whole thing is a little weird.

27. Never you fear, laddie-buck. I've been doing this all me life.

28. You see, the reason your fleas are drawn to you...

29. is your kidney energy is being blocked by a dark chi.

30. Or what we call in my country, wee-fung-chow-hu.

31. Hey, Doc. Do you have to keep those two boxes next to each other?

32. Why? What do they say?

33. I think we're through here.

34. "It seems today that all you see

35. "is violence in movies and sex on TV

36. "But where are those good, old-fashioned values

37. "on which we used to rely?

38. "Lucky there's a family guy

39. "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you

40. "all the things that make us

41. "laugh 'n' cry

42. "He's a family guy"

43. Attention, world leaders.

44. I have 137 nuclear warheads trained on every capital city around the globe.

45. The world is now under my control!

46. But oh, no! I'm naked!

47. What the deuce? Fleas!

48. Damn you, Mop 'n Glo.

49. Wake up, Leona!

50. This decrepit Hooverville is infested with something besides idiots!

51. Oh, my gosh! Stewie, you've got bugs on your jammies.

52. - Peter, wake up! - What?

53. Stewie's covered with fleas!

54. That's nothing. Once when I was a kid, I was covered with ticks.

55. Peter, it's not a contest.

56. It was back then.

57. Oh, no. Brian.

58. That's it! Time for doggie to go the way of Old Yeller.

59. Old Yeller, did I get a call from Tony?

60. Oh, yeah. He left a message. I forgot to tell you.

61. Is it on the machine?

62. I erased it.

63. All right, out back.

64. No, Ma. Yeller's my dog. I'll do it.

65. Come on! He'll call back!

66. Brian, are you okay?

67. Okay?

68. I'm covered in fleas, lady! I'm losing it here!

69. Get a hold of yourself!

70. You're supposed to hit Brian!

71. Dad, I'm itchy! I'm itchy!

72. Out of my way, wide load! Mom, there's fleas all over the house!

73. There's one thing to do.

74. Learn the language of the fleas, earn their trust...

75. then breed with their women.

76. And in time, our differences will be forgotten.

77. Call the damn exterminator!

78. We got a 602 at 31 Spooner Street!

79. Logan, let's go!

80. I can't.

81. I just can't.

82. What's with you? You look like hell.

83. Flaherty, he just watched his wife and kid get carried away by 7 million fire ants.

84. I don't want to meet the man who looks good after that.

85. My God! They're everywhere!

86. - They're on the carpet! - Got one over here!

87. It's no good! There are too many of them!

88. What do we do now? What the hell do we do now?

89. We pray.

90. Logan, you son of a bitch!

91. You think I'd miss this party?

92. I feel terrible about this whole thing.

93. Why don't I put us up at a nice hotel for a while?

94. That's a great idea, Brian. It'll be like a little vacation.

95. You might want to bring some cash.

96. You know, some places don't take credit cards.

97. But, Mister, I need real money. I can't take a credit card.

98. I see. Cash only?

99. No paper trail? What are you selling?

100. Reefer, crack, smack, horse, X, shrooms, dust, meth?

101. In my neighborhood? I don't think so!

102. Oh, my. What a lovely room.

103. And it's so clean.

104. I think the ultraviolet scanning light will be the judge of that.

105. I picked this up on Dateline from that yummy exo-skeleton, Maria Shriver.

106. Just as I thought. Oatmeal, spittle...

107. semen!

108. This must be where Wilford Brimley was strangled by Bob Crane!

109. Cannonball!

110. Jump in, honey. Don't be afraid. The turtle will keep you safe.

111. For God's sake, I'm to entrust my life to a turtle?

112. Nature's "D" student?

113. This is marvelous! I feel like a young Johnny Weissmuller.

114. Chris, aren't you coming in?

115. Can I swim with my shirt on?

116. No. You can't swim with your shirt on.

117. Wait a second. What are you hiding under your shirt?

118. Are you bruised? Did somebody hit you?

119. Lois, what did you do to my son?

120. Will you keep your voice down? You're embarrassing him.

121. What? If I wanted to embarrass him, I'd do something like this.

122. Hey, everybody!

123. Look what Chris Griffin's father, Peter Griffin is doing!

124. Stop it!

125. Why don't you want to take your shirt off?

126. Because I'm fat.

127. Honey, no one thinks you're fat.

128. I'm sorry, sir. You can't park your van on the diving board.

129. This is my son!

130. My apologies.

131. Hey, Tom! He's not a van! He's just a fat kid!

132. Don't listen to him. I'll go get you a soda. You wait here.

133. I say, hello! You there, I'm ready to get out!

134. Somebody! Oh, my! What was that?

135. Hello, Mr. Water Jet.

136. You ready to— Go away!

137. You're not fat.

138. You just come from a long line of husky Griffins.

139. Like your great-great-great uncle, Jabba the Griffin.

140. Raja nabadua gola wookie nipple pinchie.

141. Honey, if you want to lose weight, I'll put you on a diet...

142. - ... and your father can help you exercise. - Really?

143. Why not do what the supermodels do?

144. Stick your finger in your throat and throw up until you're skinny.

145. Don't listen to your sister.

146. Sticking your finger down your throat doesn't make you throw up.

147. Peter, you okay?

148. Meatloaf for us, and a very special...

149. very delicious steamed vegetable dish for Chris.

150. I hate vegetables.

151. Honey, they're good for you.

152. It tastes like a monkey. A monkey that's past his prime.

153. This meatloaf is a symphony of flavor.

154. It's too bad you can't have some. It's practically orgasmic!

155. Oh, yes!

156. I'll have what he's having.

157. Okay, Chris.

158. Time for some old-fashioned exercise like those guys are doing.

159. I say, Phineas, great day to be doing squat thrusts...

160. and lifting our huge triangular iron weights!

161. Dad, I don't like running.

162. The sound of my thighs scraping together hurts my ears.

163. Hey, a Twinkie!

164. I'm gonna get you!

165. Come on. You can do it. Feel the burn, Chris.

166. Atta boy. All the way upstream, buddy.

167. Okay, just relax. Try to soil yourself, like we practiced.

168. Dad, this says I gained weight.

169. That's impossible. Take off your shirt.

170. What the hell is that?

171. Bovine lummox!

172. Oh, God!

173. I tell you, he's been working out all week and he hasn't lost a pound.

174. If you're this desperate about his weight...

175. . why don't you just suck the fat out?

176. If you can find a hole on him that you want to put your lips on, be my guest.

177. I'm talking about liposuction.

178. My brother Broderick's a cosmetic surgeon.

179. Is he good?

180. Well, Nell Carter used to be twice as big before Broderick got through with her.

181. FYI, he used the fat he took out of her...

182. to make the two kids from Good Burger.

183. This is a very safe procedure, son.

184. You won't feel a thing. I'm like a Green Beret, you know?

185. I sneak inside you and I skulk around like it's Vietnam or something.

186. I'm sneaking through the bush, you know?

187. And I get all that fat like it's my buddies stuck behind enemy lines...

188. and when I got all my buddies, I sneak out again.

189. I'm very mysterious when I'm inside you.

190. Like the wind, you know.

191. Good boy, Stewie. Clean plate.

192. - Although I think you got— - Yes! I got more of it on me than in me.

193. That one never gets old.

194. Here's your dessert, sweetie. Dig in.

195. I'll eat it when I'm ready!

196. Hi. I'm ready!

197. Time for dessert, isn't it? Let's see, big chocolate cake for Stewie.

198. And we have something very tasty for big fat you.

199. Bon appétit.

200. Oh, and feel free to use my fork. I shan't be needing it.

201. Watch me. That's it. Watch this.

202. Stewie, stop eating like a little piggy. We should cut down on your sweets.

203. You're starting to get a little Buddha belly. Chris, where have you been?

204. Dad took me to a doctor to get the fat vacuumed out of my belly.

205. What?

206. I didn't do it. I'm just gonna stay on my diet and exercise.

207. Good for you. That was a very grown-up decision.

208. I mean, what kind of lazy, narcissistic...

209. irresponsible moron would even consider doing something...

210. as unbelievably foolish as getting liposuction.

211. Who, I ask you. Who?

212. Hello.

213. My God! It's finally happened.

214. He's become so massive he's collapsed into himself like a neutron star!

215. Mom, can I get lipo, too?

216. Forget it, Meg.

217. Peter, you can't just suck 200 pounds of fat out of yourself. It's not natural.

218. Come on, Lois. I feel great dropping that kind of weight all at once.

219. Remember how good you felt after you had Chris?

220. And they're off!

221. Well then, giddy up.

222. Great to be thin. Yup.

223. You know, there's something I always wanted to do, Brian.

224. But I could never do it because I was so heavy.

225. But now that I don't weigh so much, I think I can.

226. Could you help me do it?

227. Sure, I'd be honored.

228. I was wondering if I could put a little saddle on your back...

229. and ride you like a horsy.

230. Okay. No, I understand.

231. It's too much. It's okay.

232. I like Hillary Clinton. I don't care what anyone says.

233. Peter, what are you...

234. I can feel all the bones in your ass!

235. Come on!

236. I see you.

237. But, Mom, it could change my life!

238. Meg, for the last time, you're not getting plastic surgery.

239. Why not? It's totally safe. A lot of famous people have done it.

240. My son, your place is here in the ice village.

241. You know nothing of Hollywood and its ways.

242. But, Father, I have dreams, and courage...

243. and the name of an excellent cosmetic surgeon.

244. Fear not. Someday word will reach you about the success of me...

245. the great Eskimo actor, Jennifer Love Hewitt!

246. MAN #1: Bring pride to our village!

247. MAN #2: Send firewood.

248. She's right, Lois. Plastic surgery is great!

249. I want Broderick to take a look at my nose.

250. It doesn't matter if your nose is a little bulbousy...

251. or your eyes are too close together, or your chest is flabby.

252. You are who you are.

253. I think I know what you're getting at.

254. Knock-knock.

255. Hey, you can't just walk in here without... Holy crap, it's Peter!

256. Dad, you're pretty, like a girl.

257. You look like a totally different person.

258. This is crazy!

259. You walk in here with your chiseled jaw and your...

260. Oh, my. I liked you the way you were.

261. You're not even real anymore.

262. Did you get a new buttocks?

263. I had to. My old one had a crack in it.

264. I couldn't be more angry with you.

265. You really let this family down.

266. We should be embracing the things God gave us.

267. Not telling our kids you're not as good as others because of the way you look.

268. Holy crap!

269. Look. There's a baby in that refuse bin!

270. Not too close, Barnaby. If you touch it, the mother won't take it back.

271. Alley-oop!

272. Excuse me, sir.

273. What is a handsome man like you doing waiting in line?

274. I need an adult!

275. Warren Fredericks. Quahog Beautiful People's Club.

276. Come on in front. But people were in front of me.

277. You haven't been beautiful very long, have you?

278. Gorgeous guys like us don't have to wait in line.

279. Haven't you noticed? People will do anything for a beautiful person.

280. Yeah. You know, come to think of it...

281. Hi, I'm on a scavenger hunt. And I need a human foot.

282. Well, as a rule, I would say no, but okay, come in.

283. So this is what? This for like a school project or some...

284. Raul, please take this handsome gentleman's bags to his car.

285. Thank you.

286. Hey, when you're beautiful, doors magically open for you.

287. Actually, it opened because you stepped on that black rubber square.

288. Of course, if that wasn't there, it would open anyway because you're beautiful.

289. Wow!

290. There's a lot of good looking people here.

291. Of course. This is the Quahog Beautiful People's Club.

292. You're our newest member. Here's your introductory basket.

293. It's got some scented lotions, Ferrari sunglasses...

294. and of course, pills to make your bowel movements...

295. smell like bakery-fresh cinnamon rolls.

296. Damn it!

297. What happened? Orson fall down?

298. Shut up! I don't want to hear it!

299. It serves you right.

300. You spent all that time taunting Chris, now you have an eating disorder.

301. Help me up!

302. You know I would, but my doctor advised me against heavy lifting.

303. Oh, hardy har har.

304. What the devil are you doing?

305. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!

306. Blast!

307. Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding portrait?

308. - Yeah. I think it looks better. - You pasted it over me.

309. Yeah. I think it looks better.

310. Have you lost your mind?

311. Somebody is jealous!

312. Have you forgotten about Chris? He needs you to help him exercise.

313. He finally figured out how to catch the Twinkie.

314. I'm turning you into poo!

315. I'm going down to The Beautiful People's Club.

316. I guess I can bring him.

317. Seeing us all in one place might give him something to shoot for.

318. The Beautiful People's Club? I never heard of that.

319. I can't say anymore.

320. I'm probably already in trouble for mentioning it to a...

321. Well, we call you "normies." Okay, 'bye.

322. Are you gonna take that?

323. - Lois! - What? Oh, Brian.

324. I was seeing if the driveway...

325. That wasn't even a sentence.

326. You were ogling Peter like a horny schoolgirl.

327. I can't help it!

328. I know. He's become a superficial egomaniacal jerk...

329. but I've never been more attracted to him.

330. Does that make me a bad person?

331. Yes, it does make you a bad person.

332. Peter, good to see you.

333. Come with me. I've got a lot of tall, statuesque people I want you to meet.

334. - What's that? - That's my son, Chris.

335. He can't come in. He's fat.

336. Let me tell you something, buddy, if my son can't come in...

337. then I'll just come in!

338. - See you at home. - But, Dad...

339. Trust me, Chris. Sometimes it's better not to fit in.

340. You're all stupid. They'll be looking for Army guys.

341. Don't look at me! I'm hideous!

342. How could you treat Chris that way?

343. You know he's self-conscious about his weight!

344. What are you getting mad at me for? He gets his fat from your genes.

345. Which, by the way, I'm wearing.

346. I hate what you've become!

347. Why don't you go back to the doctor to suck the fat out of your head?

348. Maybe I will! And then I'll put it on my feet...

349. and skate on Paul Bunyan's giant skillet to cook his flapjacks!

350. That doesn't make any sense.

351. It doesn't have to. I'm beautiful!

352. You're not welcome here! Go away!

353. Wow, Chris. Did you lose weight?

354. Maybe. I've been working out.

355. You look wicked skinny. I'm like, jealous.

356. Thanks, Meg. I'm jealous of your mustache.

357. I don't have a mustache, do I?

358. Oh, honey. It's fine. It makes you look distinguished.

359. But, Mom!

360. I think all my children are beautiful.

361. Damn you, ice cream. Come to my mouth.

362. How dare you disobey me.

363. What are you looking at, you infantile, stupid...

364. That's right. Damn you and such.

365. You can burn in hell.

366. She is so jealous.

367. Of course, I'm beautiful.

368. I mean, look at me.

369. How strange...

370. Should watch road but can't look away.

371. Too beautiful.

372. Well, Mr. Griffin, the bandages are ready to come off.

373. I think I should tell you, it's a miracle that you're alive at all.

374. We did all we can. But medical science has come just so far.

375. And now I will take off this protective Potato Head mask.

376. Oh, Peter! You look like you!

377. I can't believe you're all still standing by my side after what a jerk I was.

378. Especially to you. I'm sorry, Chris.

379. That's okay, Dad.

380. Well, Peter, I guess you learned a pretty valuable lesson.

381. Nope!