Family Guy 21x4

Directed by Joe Vaux

Sanaa Lathan as Donna Tubbs (voice) • Jennifer Tilly as Bonnie Swanson (voice) • Naomi Ekperigin as Therapist (voice)

Lois hypnotizes Peter into satisfying her sexual proclivities. Meanwhile, Stewie renovates his treehouse in an attempt to win over Brian and Chris.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Ah, look at this, Peter, a new restaurant in town.

2. What a lightning bolt to the balls

3. for a couple of schmoes like us, huh?

4. I know, I can't believe Quahog finally got a His and Hers.

5. Check it out: I can drink beer,

6. watch sports, and play Pop-A-Shot

7. right here at the table.

8. And I can drink wine and scroll through Bonnie's Facebook,

9. secretly enjoying that she has an ugly baby.

10. Look at that thing's eyes.

11. You know, maybe one glass a night wasn't fine.

12. Hey, folks. We ready to order?

13. I think so.

14. Shall I cover your ears

15. for your wife's menu questions?

16. That'd be great.

17. Yeah, are you able to do the salmon

18. but without the dill cream?

19. Sorry, no substitutions. We're a dick restaurant.

20. Hmm. Then I'll have the fettuccine Alfredo.

21. And my Instagram will have the watercress salad.

22. And for you, sir?

23. How much is that tomahawk rib eye?

24. - $85... - Kid's personal pan pizza.

25. Great, and if you folks need anything else,

26. I'll be invisible.

27. Remember this, Peter? Remember us?

28. I do remember us. I miss us.

29. When we get home, let's do it so loud, the kids wake up.

30. Yeah, let's do it on the couch where we all gather as a family

31. and watch television.

32. Family Guy is brought to you by Parent Sex.

33. Parent Sex: It happens in rooms

34. that you hang out in and watch TV.

35. Maybe even right there where you're sitting now.

36. Pretty gross, right?

37. Gentlemen, we have work to do.

38. Son of a bitch.

39. Just when I'm onto something good, really good.

40. Hey, what the hell's going on out here?

41. You got a permit, pal? Huh?

42. Hey, guys, I'll be right back.

43. I'm just gonna toss this dog a beating real quick.

44. Wait, what?

45. Easy there, Gussy, I know this guy.

46. Why don't you go get yourself a sandwich?

47. Can-can I leave the wrappers in the bushes?

48. All right, you can leave the wrappers in the bushes.

49. Guys, he said we can.

50. Stewie, what's happening?

51. I'm trying to write, and all I hear is banging.

52. Oh, yeah, check it out.

53. I'm having these guys put up a tree house.

54. Sort of like a man cave/dance studio kind of deal.

55. Why don't you stop by later and I'll give you the tour?

56. - Tell Chris, too. - Sure, I'm free.

57. - Is that Lois's sweater? - Cardigans are unisex.

58. So, Loey, how was the big date night?

59. Wonderful date night. Great, great, great.

60. Yeah, I'm still not... not completely sold on "Loey."

61. So, tell us, tell us...

62. after you had dinner, how was the pork?

63. Who is this bitch?

64. Uh, it was good. Yeah, it was really nice.

65. Oh, no, you're not getting off that easy.

66. Oh, classic Loey trying to dodge the question.

67. Seriously, who is this froggy little bitch?

68. How come she's sitting with us?

69. Now, about the sex, though, I just... how do I put this?

70. Let's just say Peter doesn't always...

71. Munchausen my proxy.

72. What do you mean?

73. Well, he doesn't always go to Australia.

74. You know, the land down under.

75. Oh...

76. He's just never liked it. I don't know.

77. I-I guess it's not a requirement,

78. but, yeah, I do like having the option.

79. You know, Joe and I went to a sex therapist

80. after his accident.

81. She really helped us,

82. turned him into a real spelunker.

83. I'm sorry.

84. The six-year-old birthday party has asked if you could...

85. keep your voices down.

86. Oh, there they are.

87. The boys.

88. - Come on in, fellas. - Dang, Stewie.

89. This is a legit little pad you got here.

90. Yeah, that one spot creaks a little.

91. - I might have them look at it. - Oh, I-I didn't even notice.

92. So, yeah, you know, pretty self-explanatory.

93. Couch, plasma, kind of a little office nook over there.

94. And...

95. - Hey-yo! - Boom.

96. Photo booth with props, if anyone's feeling sassy.

97. Eh? Eh?

98. Um, yes. Yes.

99. But, uh, do you mind if we take a rain check?

100. I got to take Chris to baseball in like five minutes.

101. Well, come by later.

102. Maybe we can watch a movie or something.

103. Wow, that's super generous of you, Stewie.

104. This place is dope.

105. You see that, Rupert, they like it.

106. This place might just be my masterpiece.

107. Okay, wow.

108. What... the hell... was that?

109. So we're on the same page?

110. I thought I was nuts.

111. - Brutal, right? - Oh, brutal.

112. I have no idea what he's going for up there.

113. That's the thing. I don't think he does either.

114. I'm sorry, he wants us to come watch a movie up there?

115. On a Vizio?

116. Oh, is that what he was saying?

117. I couldn't hear a word over those floorboards creaking.

118. Oh, my God. Creak City.

119. Poor guy. Just has no idea. And, like, nothing to eat?

120. Like, dude, go to Costco,

121. grab some of those frozen quiches.

122. It's not like he didn't know we were coming.

123. Oh, poor Stewie. what are you gonna do?

124. I'll tell you what I'm not gonna do.

125. A photo shoot with a top hat and a boa.

126. So, Peter...

127. Oh, big surprise. Take her side, why don't you?

128. Peter, let's take a breath. We're just here to talk.

129. So, Lois tells me

130. you don't like doing everything in the bedroom.

131. Listen, if he's too shy to talk about this,

132. we could always try hypnosis.

133. Oh, how would that work?

134. Well, we get him in a very relaxed state,

135. and I give him what's called a "trigger phrase."

136. It's essentially training the brain

137. to behave a certain way every time he hears it.

138. You can do that?

139. Just kind of make me zone out during?

140. That's the idea, yeah.

141. Whenever you hear the trigger phrase,

142. you just imagine yourself sitting on a beach,

143. eating an ice cream cone.

144. I don't hate that.

145. Go ahead and close your eyes for me.

146. Try to relax. We are now in a tranquil place.

147. Leaving the cares and concerns of the physical world behind.

148. Peter,

149. we are now in our suspended state.

150. And from now on, whenever you hear the words...

151. Sorry, I get push notifications

152. whenever Chrissy Teigen cyberbullies a nobody.

153. What was that phrase again?

154. Vanilla ice cream.

155. Huh, anything?

156. Um...

157. My elbows are itchy?

158. Oh, well, we tried.

159. Sorry, Lois.

160. I guess I'll just go make some sad spaghetti.

161. Corazón.

162. Peter, last night was amazing.

163. Oh, when I farted the Pledge of Allegiance?

164. Yeah, I tell you,

165. things got a little dicey there on "indivisible."

166. You really don't remember?

167. Wow, that hypnosis works.

168. Well, I got to get in the shower.

169. You know, 'cause of that "indivisible" part.

170. I'm just gonna go ahead and save this song on my phone.

171. Mom, what's for breakfast?

172. Shut up, you little turd!

173. Parent Sex. When your mom yells at you

174. through a closed door, that's why.

175. Wow, Mom and Dad have sure been watching

176. a lot of entertainment television.

177. Yahtzee!

178. And apparently found their way to the game closet.

179. Good morning, everyone. Who's hungry?

180. Hey, Dad, are you still okay to bring me to Boy Scouts?

181. Oh, no, is that today?

182. I was hoping to get a little golf in.

183. I'll tell you what, I'll take Chris.

184. - You go have fun. - What, really?

185. Yeah, no biggie.

186. Just don't forget we have dinner at my parents' house later.

187. Aw, sweet.

188. I can't wait to spread ten minutes of fun

189. over five hours.

190. Boy, you two seem like you're getting along well

191. these days.

192. - What's that supposed to mean? - Nothing, just...

193. You don't often give him a whole Saturday to go play golf.

194. Oh, yeah, is that my idiot dog's opinion?

195. I-I'm not... I'm not an idiot.

196. Well, you might not know this

197. because of the idiot thing, Brian,

198. but marriage is about give and take.

199. If my husband wants to go play golf, he plays golf.

200. I keep him happy, he keeps me happy.

201. I'm not an idiot.

202. In fact, I would say...

203. I would say I'm very smart for a dog.

204. All right, I'm off.

205. Thanks again for letting me do this, Lois.

206. Oh, before you go, can I...

207. Can I just talk to you upstairs for one minute?

208. Just... I-I want to ask you something.

209. Go fish.

210. Hey, Stewie, you said you wanted us to see...

211. Whoa, what happened in here?

212. Okay. Okay, now we're talking.

213. - Stewie, this is incredible. - Oh, yeah, you like?

214. The old place just didn't really...

215. didn't have much of a vibe, you know?

216. Well, it sure as hell has a vibe now.

217. Yup, there he is. Nolan Ryan.

218. Von Ryan's Express. Eh?

219. Oh, I happened to be over at Costco today

220. and I grabbed some of these quiches.

221. You guys ever try these?

222. Ooh, very cool. Love these things.

223. Gracias, Stewie.

224. Yeah, so, you know, added a little workout area.

225. Oh, I got that creak taken care of, too.

226. See? Nothing.

227. Wait, that's not the same TV, right?

228. Good eye.

229. Yeah, I looked up Vizios

230. and realized they're kind of crap.

231. Ended up going with the Sony.

232. Excellent choice going with the Sony.

233. Can't go wrong there.

234. Well, congratulations, Stewie.

235. You officially have a kick-ass man cave.

236. I mean, don't get me wrong, it was great before.

237. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

238. But this is, I mean, this is a man cave.

239. Agree. You know who would love this?

240. Eric.

241. Oh, yeah, this is right up Eric's alley.

242. I mean, would-would you mind if we brought a buddy?

243. Yeah. Bring Eric, bring whoever.

244. Eric'll love Stewie, don't you think?

245. Totally. How have they never met?

246. A wrong that will soon be righted, my friend.

247. All right, Stewie, we'll see you later.

248. Yeah, yeah.

249. See you guys in a bit.

250. Peace, brah.

251. Wow, it's all so cliché.

252. Cliché and just desperate.

253. Literally not one thing about that place says "Stewie."

254. It's like he googled

255. "man cave" and said, "That."

256. I mean, Nolan Ryan?

257. Oh, I know, I know.

258. He really solved the TV problem, huh?

259. Everybody knows LG is the way to go.

260. But what does Consumer Reports know, right?

261. I wouldn't bring Eric

262. within a hundred yards of that place.

263. Eric would be miserable up there.

264. I could see him punching Stewie.

265. That's it. Fool me once, shame on me.

266. Fool me twice... you have to die.

267. Not to nitpick,

268. but those weren't even the right frozen quiches.

269. Yeah, not great.

270. I spit mine out in a napkin

271. and put it in his "workout area."

272. Well, I think we know he won't find it in there.

273. I'm sorry your mother won't be coming downstairs for dinner.

274. I know, that damn sciatica.

275. You know, she's got to go see a doctor.

276. The kids really wanted to be here,

277. but they're watching strangers play video games on Twitch.

278. Lois, would you be a dear and make a plate for me?

279. Peter, I'm gonna open a bottle of wine.

280. Do you mind making a plate and bringing it up for Mommy?

281. Yeah, I can do that. Maybe open a couple bottles.

282. Oh, oh, why? Did you, did you bring one?

283. I didn't. But you always say...

284. Well, you typically say, "Help yourself."

285. One bottle ought to be plenty.

286. Hey, Babs,

287. I got something I think'll make you feel better.

288. Sounds like a hippo clomping around up there.

289. Ugh, I feel so sorry for Mommy.

290. Don't worry about your mother.

291. She's got her celebrity news programs up there

292. - keeping her company. - Yeah, right.

293. Wait, celebrity news? What time is it?

294. Just about 7:30. Why?

295. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

296. Peter, no!

297. Peter!

298. Peter!

299. Peter!

300. Peter!

301. Peter...!

302. Ah...

303. Stewie, you here?

304. Got your text, so let's see that "best tennis ball ever."

305. Hey.

306. Didn't hear you guys come in.

307. Stewie.

308. Hey, we were just saying how cozy it feels in here.

309. Yeah, Brian used the term "lived-in," and I totally agree.

310. There's just this real welcoming vibe...

311. Right. Oh, good.

312. Welcoming is exactly what I was going for.

313. Wh-What the hell, Stewie?

314. What the hell was that ab...?

315. You two think I don't know what's going on?

316. I've heard every word you two said about me

317. and about my man cave.

318. So... you know how much we love it.

319. Ow! And for no reason!

320. I bought a thousand of these frozen quiches.

321. And you two are gonna eat every... last... one of them.

322. There you go. Good boy.

323. Those aren't the...

324. They're not the chicken sausage ones again, are they?

325. They are the chicken sausage.

326. Do, um, do you mind if I get a glass of water, then?

327. I just, um...

328. I just found them a little dry, is all.

329. Oh, were they dry?

330. You know, for my taste they were a little...

331. Hey, Stewie, come on. Let us out of here.

332. Stewie?

333. Chris, now's our chance. We got to get out of here.

334. Heading somewhere?

335. Stewie.

336. No. No.

337. My own brother.

338. My so-called best friend.

339. I trusted you.

340. I invited you into my man cave,

341. and all you did was humiliate me.

342. Stewie, no. Please don't kill me.

343. Wait. Did, did, did you make that?

344. What? Of course I did. Why?

345. Wow. No, it's just—

346. I-I just don't know how you're able to make

347. such cool weapons at your age.

348. Wow, that is really well-made. Holy crap.

349. Do you have any others?

350. - Yeah, of course I have more. - Are you serious?

351. Yeah, I have like a hundred— Wait a minute.

352. You're not gonna win me over with flattery.

353. Is there... is there anything else you like about it?

354. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean,

355. ch-check out how sturdy the sight bridge is.

356. First thing I noticed, too, Chris.

357. And, of course, the cocking stirrup.

358. Yeah, very pretty.

359. Barnett makes a hell of a bow, but this is probably

360. one of the nicest ones I've ever seen.

361. Anyway, Stewie, you can go ahead and kill us now.

362. Listen, if you guys want,

363. I suppose I could show you how to make one.

364. You'd do that? Even after everything we—

365. even after everything Chris said?

366. Of course I will. I love you guys.

367. We love you, too, Stewie.

368. Listen, go clean yourselves up. I'm around.

369. Just come by whenever, and I'll show you.

370. Thank you, Stewie.

371. Do you do parties here?

372. Because this is, like, a good event space.

373. Eric is turning 50 next month,

374. and we still don't have the venue.

375. I think we do now.

376. I'll put together a menu.

377. Any dietary restrictions I should know?

378. He says he's on a seafood diet.

379. He sees food, then he eats it.

380. I got to meet this guy. He sounds like a nut.

381. Well, you know, Rupert, I think the lesson here

382. is that maybe I shouldn't be so concerned

383. with what other people think.

384. I should trust my instincts and be myself...

385. Oh, I can't believe he bought it.

386. Like we would ever do Eric's nifty fifty up there.

387. And the table assignment card station would be where exactly?

388. And that crossbow?

389. I mean, a Barnett is like, I don't know,

390. Thor's hammer compared to that thing.

391. When you pointed out the cocking stirrup—

392. I mean, if you can call that one—

393. I thought I was gonna lose it.

394. Oh, I know. If you're gonna...

395. Oh, oh. Hey, there he is, David Cross.

396. Riddick Bowe. The Crossbow Kid.

397. Stewie... Come on, Stewie.

398. Hey, Stewie.

399. Sorry, I couldn't find a shirt or a bra,

400. so I figured I'd just let 'em flop around the hallway...

401. Mom! Stewie shot himself.

402. There you go.

403. Get it all out.

404. Hey, guys.

405. No, no, no, no!