1. Ah, look at this, Peter,
a new restaurant in town.
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2. What a lightning bolt
to the balls
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3. for a couple of schmoes
like us, huh?
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4. I know, I can't believe Quahog
finally got a His and Hers.
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5. Check it out:
I can drink beer,
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6. watch sports,
and play Pop-A-Shot
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7. right here at the table.
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8. And I can drink wine and scroll
through Bonnie's Facebook,
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9. secretly enjoying
that she has an ugly baby.
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10. Look at that thing's eyes.
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11. You know, maybe one glass
a night wasn't fine.
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12. Hey, folks.
We ready to order?
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13. I think so.
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14. Shall I cover your ears
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15. for your wife's
menu questions?
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16. That'd be great.
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17. Yeah, are you able
to do the salmon
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18. but without the dill cream?
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19. Sorry, no substitutions.
We're a dick restaurant.
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20. Hmm. Then I'll have
the fettuccine Alfredo.
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21. And my Instagram will have
the watercress salad.
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22. And for you, sir?
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23. How much is that
tomahawk rib eye?
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24. - $85...
- Kid's personal pan pizza.
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25. Great, and if you folks need
anything else,
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26. I'll be invisible.
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27. Remember this, Peter?
Remember us?
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28. I do remember us.
I miss us.
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29. When we get home, let's do it
so loud, the kids wake up.
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30. Yeah, let's do it on the couch
where we all gather as a family
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31. and watch television.
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32. Family Guy is
brought to you by Parent Sex.
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33. Parent Sex:
It happens in rooms
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34. that you hang out in
and watch TV.
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35. Maybe even right there
where you're sitting now.
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36. Pretty gross, right?
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37. Gentlemen, we have work to do.
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38. Son of a bitch.
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39. Just when I'm onto
something good, really good.
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40. Hey, what the hell's
going on out here?
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41. You got a permit, pal?
Huh?
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42. Hey, guys,
I'll be right back.
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43. I'm just gonna toss this dog
a beating real quick.
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44. Wait, what?
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45. Easy there, Gussy,
I know this guy.
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46. Why don't you go get
yourself a sandwich?
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47. Can-can I leave the wrappers
in the bushes?
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48. All right, you can leave
the wrappers in the bushes.
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49. Guys, he said we can.
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50. Stewie, what's happening?
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51. I'm trying to write,
and all I hear is banging.
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52. Oh, yeah, check it out.
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53. I'm having these guys
put up a tree house.
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54. Sort of like a man cave/dance
studio kind of deal.
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55. Why don't you stop by later
and I'll give you the tour?
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56. - Tell Chris, too.
- Sure, I'm free.
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57. - Is that Lois's sweater?
- Cardigans are unisex.
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58. So, Loey, how was
the big date night?
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59. Wonderful date night.
Great, great, great.
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60. Yeah, I'm still not...
not completely sold on "Loey."
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61. So, tell us, tell us...
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62. after you had dinner,
how was the pork?
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63. Who is this bitch?
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64. Uh, it was good.
Yeah, it was really nice.
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65. Oh, no, you're not
getting off that easy.
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66. Oh, classic Loey trying
to dodge the question.
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67. Seriously, who is this
froggy little bitch?
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68. How come she's sitting with us?
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69. Now, about the sex, though,
I just... how do I put this?
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70. Let's just say
Peter doesn't always...
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71. Munchausen my proxy.
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72. What do you mean?
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73. Well, he doesn't always
go to Australia.
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74. You know, the land down under.
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75. Oh...
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76. He's just never liked it.
I don't know.
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77. I-I guess it's not
a requirement,
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78. but, yeah, I do like
having the option.
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79. You know, Joe and I went
to a sex therapist
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80. after his accident.
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81. She really helped us,
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82. turned him
into a real spelunker.
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83. I'm sorry.
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84. The six-year-old birthday party
has asked if you could...
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85. keep your voices down.
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86. Oh, there they are.
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87. The boys.
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88. - Come on in, fellas.
- Dang, Stewie.
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89. This is a legit
little pad you got here.
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90. Yeah, that one spot
creaks a little.
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91. - I might have them look at it.
- Oh, I-I didn't even notice.
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92. So, yeah, you know,
pretty self-explanatory.
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93. Couch, plasma, kind of a little
office nook over there.
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94. And...
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95. - Hey-yo!
- Boom.
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96. Photo booth with props,
if anyone's feeling sassy.
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97. Eh? Eh?
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98. Um, yes. Yes.
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99. But, uh, do you mind
if we take a rain check?
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100. I got to take Chris to baseball
in like five minutes.
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101. Well, come by later.
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102. Maybe we can watch a movie
or something.
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103. Wow, that's super generous
of you, Stewie.
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104. This place is dope.
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105. You see that, Rupert,
they like it.
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106. This place might just be
my masterpiece.
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107. Okay, wow.
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108. What... the hell... was that?
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109. So we're on the same page?
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110. I thought I was nuts.
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111. - Brutal, right?
- Oh, brutal.
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112. I have no idea what
he's going for up there.
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113. That's the thing.
I don't think he does either.
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114. I'm sorry, he wants us to
come watch a movie up there?
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115. On a Vizio?
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116. Oh, is that what he was saying?
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117. I couldn't hear a word
over those floorboards creaking.
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118. Oh, my God.
Creak City.
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119. Poor guy. Just has no idea.
And, like, nothing to eat?
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120. Like, dude, go to Costco,
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121. grab some of those
frozen quiches.
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122. It's not like he didn't
know we were coming.
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123. Oh, poor Stewie.
what are you gonna do?
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124. I'll tell you
what I'm not gonna do.
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125. A photo shoot with
a top hat and a boa.
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126. So, Peter...
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127. Oh, big surprise.
Take her side, why don't you?
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128. Peter, let's take a breath.
We're just here to talk.
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129. So, Lois tells me
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130. you don't like doing
everything in the bedroom.
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131. Listen, if he's too shy
to talk about this,
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132. we could always try hypnosis.
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133. Oh, how would that work?
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134. Well, we get him
in a very relaxed state,
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135. and I give him what's called
a "trigger phrase."
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136. It's essentially
training the brain
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137. to behave a certain way
every time he hears it.
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138. You can do that?
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139. Just kind of make me
zone out during?
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140. That's the idea, yeah.
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141. Whenever you hear
the trigger phrase,
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142. you just imagine yourself
sitting on a beach,
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143. eating an ice cream cone.
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144. I don't hate that.
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145. Go ahead and close
your eyes for me.
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146. Try to relax.
We are now in a tranquil place.
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147. Leaving the cares and concerns
of the physical world behind.
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148. Peter,
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149. we are now
in our suspended state.
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150. And from now on,
whenever you hear the words...
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151. Sorry, I get push notifications
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152. whenever Chrissy Teigen
cyberbullies a nobody.
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153. What was that phrase again?
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154. Vanilla ice cream.
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155. Huh, anything?
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156. Um...
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157. My elbows are itchy?
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158. Oh, well, we tried.
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159. Sorry, Lois.
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160. I guess I'll just go make
some sad spaghetti.
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161. Corazón.
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162. Peter, last night was amazing.
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163. Oh, when I farted
the Pledge of Allegiance?
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164. Yeah, I tell you,
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165. things got a little dicey there
on "indivisible."
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166. You really don't remember?
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167. Wow, that hypnosis works.
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168. Well, I got to get
in the shower.
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169. You know, 'cause of
that "indivisible" part.
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170. I'm just gonna go ahead
and save this song on my phone.
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171. Mom, what's for breakfast?
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172. Shut up, you little turd!
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173. Parent Sex.
When your mom yells at you
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174. through a closed door,
that's why.
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175. Wow, Mom and Dad
have sure been watching
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176. a lot of entertainment television.
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177. Yahtzee!
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178. And apparently found their way
to the game closet.
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179. Good morning, everyone.
Who's hungry?
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180. Hey, Dad, are you still okay
to bring me to Boy Scouts?
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181. Oh, no, is that today?
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182. I was hoping to get
a little golf in.
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183. I'll tell you what,
I'll take Chris.
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184. - You go have fun.
- What, really?
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185. Yeah, no biggie.
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186. Just don't forget we have dinner
at my parents' house later.
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187. Aw, sweet.
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188. I can't wait to spread
ten minutes of fun
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189. over five hours.
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190. Boy, you two seem like
you're getting along well
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191. these days.
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192. - What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing, just...
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193. You don't often give him a whole
Saturday to go play golf.
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194. Oh, yeah, is that
my idiot dog's opinion?
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195. I-I'm not...
I'm not an idiot.
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196. Well, you might not know this
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197. because of the idiot thing, Brian,
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198. but marriage is about
give and take.
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199. If my husband wants to go
play golf, he plays golf.
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200. I keep him happy,
he keeps me happy.
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201. I'm not an idiot.
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202. In fact, I would say...
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203. I would say
I'm very smart for a dog.
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204. All right, I'm off.
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205. Thanks again for letting
me do this, Lois.
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206. Oh, before you go, can I...
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207. Can I just talk to you
upstairs for one minute?
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208. Just... I-I want to
ask you something.
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209. Go fish.
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210. Hey, Stewie, you said
you wanted us to see...
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211. Whoa, what happened in here?
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212. Okay.
Okay, now we're talking.
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213. - Stewie, this is incredible.
- Oh, yeah, you like?
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214. The old place just
didn't really...
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215. didn't have much
of a vibe, you know?
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216. Well, it sure as hell
has a vibe now.
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217. Yup, there he is.
Nolan Ryan.
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218. Von Ryan's Express. Eh?
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219. Oh, I happened to be over
at Costco today
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220. and I grabbed some
of these quiches.
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221. You guys ever try these?
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222. Ooh, very cool.
Love these things.
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223. Gracias, Stewie.
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224. Yeah, so, you know,
added a little workout area.
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225. Oh, I got that creak
taken care of, too.
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226. See? Nothing.
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227. Wait, that's not
the same TV, right?
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228. Good eye.
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229. Yeah, I looked up Vizios
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230. and realized
they're kind of crap.
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231. Ended up going with the Sony.
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232. Excellent choice
going with the Sony.
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233. Can't go wrong there.
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234. Well, congratulations, Stewie.
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235. You officially have
a kick-ass man cave.
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236. I mean, don't get me wrong,
it was great before.
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237. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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238. But this is, I mean,
this is a man cave.
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239. Agree.
You know who would love this?
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240. Eric.
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241. Oh, yeah, this is right up
Eric's alley.
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242. I mean, would-would you mind
if we brought a buddy?
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243. Yeah.
Bring Eric, bring whoever.
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244. Eric'll love Stewie,
don't you think?
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245. Totally.
How have they never met?
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246. A wrong that will soon
be righted, my friend.
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247. All right, Stewie,
we'll see you later.
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248. Yeah, yeah.
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249. See you guys in a bit.
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250. Peace, brah.
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251. Wow, it's all so cliché.
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252. Cliché and just desperate.
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253. Literally not one thing
about that place says "Stewie."
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254. It's like he googled
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255. "man cave" and said, "That."
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256. I mean, Nolan Ryan?
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257. Oh, I know, I know.
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258. He really solved
the TV problem, huh?
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259. Everybody knows LG
is the way to go.
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260. But what does Consumer Reports
know, right?
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261. I wouldn't bring Eric
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262. within a hundred yards
of that place.
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263. Eric would be
miserable up there.
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264. I could see him punching Stewie.
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265. That's it.
Fool me once, shame on me.
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266. Fool me twice...
you have to die.
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267. Not to nitpick,
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268. but those weren't even
the right frozen quiches.
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269. Yeah, not great.
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270. I spit mine out in a napkin
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271. and put it
in his "workout area."
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272. Well, I think we know
he won't find it in there.
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273. I'm sorry your mother won't be
coming downstairs for dinner.
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274. I know, that damn sciatica.
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275. You know, she's got to go
see a doctor.
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276. The kids really
wanted to be here,
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277. but they're watching strangers
play video games on Twitch.
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278. Lois, would you be a dear
and make a plate for me?
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279. Peter, I'm gonna open
a bottle of wine.
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280. Do you mind making a plate
and bringing it up for Mommy?
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281. Yeah, I can do that.
Maybe open a couple bottles.
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282. Oh, oh, why?
Did you, did you bring one?
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283. I didn't.
But you always say...
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284. Well, you typically say,
"Help yourself."
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285. One bottle ought to be plenty.
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286. Hey, Babs,
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287. I got something I think'll
make you feel better.
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288. Sounds like a hippo
clomping around up there.
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289. Ugh, I feel so sorry for Mommy.
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290. Don't worry about your mother.
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291. She's got her celebrity news
programs up there
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292. - keeping her company.
- Yeah, right.
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293. Wait, celebrity news?
What time is it?
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294. Just about 7:30. Why?
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295. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
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296. Peter, no!
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297. Peter!
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298. Peter!
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299. Peter!
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300. Peter!
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301. Peter...!
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302. Ah...
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303. Stewie, you here?
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304. Got your text, so let's see
that "best tennis ball ever."
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305. Hey.
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306. Didn't hear you guys come in.
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307. Stewie.
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308. Hey, we were just saying
how cozy it feels in here.
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309. Yeah, Brian used the term
"lived-in," and I totally agree.
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310. There's just this real
welcoming vibe...
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311. Right. Oh, good.
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312. Welcoming is exactly
what I was going for.
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313. Wh-What the hell, Stewie?
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314. What the hell was that ab...?
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315. You two think I don't know
what's going on?
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316. I've heard every word
you two said about me
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317. and about my man cave.
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318. So... you know how
much we love it.
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319. Ow! And for no reason!
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320. I bought a thousand
of these frozen quiches.
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321. And you two are gonna eat
every... last... one of them.
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322. There you go.
Good boy.
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323. Those aren't the...
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324. They're not the chicken sausage
ones again, are they?
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325. They are the chicken sausage.
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326. Do, um, do you mind if I get
a glass of water, then?
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327. I just, um...
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328. I just found them
a little dry, is all.
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329. Oh, were they dry?
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330. You know, for my taste
they were a little...
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331. Hey, Stewie, come on.
Let us out of here.
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332. Stewie?
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333. Chris, now's our chance.
We got to get out of here.
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334. Heading somewhere?
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335. Stewie.
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336. No. No.
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337. My own brother.
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338. My so-called best friend.
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339. I trusted you.
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340. I invited you into my man cave,
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341. and all you did
was humiliate me.
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342. Stewie, no.
Please don't kill me.
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343. Wait. Did, did,
did you make that?
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344. What? Of course I did. Why?
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345. Wow.
No, it's just—
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346. I-I just don't know
how you're able to make
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347. such cool weapons at your age.
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348. Wow, that is really well-made.
Holy crap.
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349. Do you have any others?
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350. - Yeah, of course I have more.
- Are you serious?
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351. Yeah, I have like a hundred—
Wait a minute.
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352. You're not gonna win me over
with flattery.
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353. Is there... is there
anything else you like about it?
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354. Yeah, yeah, I mean, I mean,
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355. ch-check out how sturdy
the sight bridge is.
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356. First thing
I noticed, too, Chris.
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357. And, of course,
the cocking stirrup.
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358. Yeah, very pretty.
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359. Barnett makes a hell of a bow,
but this is probably
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360. one of the nicest ones
I've ever seen.
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361. Anyway, Stewie, you can go ahead
and kill us now.
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362. Listen, if you guys want,
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363. I suppose I could show you
how to make one.
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364. You'd do that?
Even after everything we—
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365. even after everything
Chris said?
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366. Of course I will.
I love you guys.
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367. We love you, too, Stewie.
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368. Listen, go clean yourselves up.
I'm around.
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369. Just come by whenever,
and I'll show you.
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370. Thank you, Stewie.
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371. Do you do parties here?
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372. Because this is, like,
a good event space.
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373. Eric is turning 50 next month,
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374. and we still don't have
the venue.
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375. I think we do now.
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376. I'll put together a menu.
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377. Any dietary restrictions
I should know?
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378. He says he's on a seafood diet.
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379. He sees food, then he eats it.
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380. I got to meet this guy.
He sounds like a nut.
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381. Well, you know, Rupert,
I think the lesson here
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382. is that maybe
I shouldn't be so concerned
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383. with what other people think.
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384. I should trust my instincts
and be myself...
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385. Oh, I can't believe
he bought it.
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386. Like we would ever do
Eric's nifty fifty up there.
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387. And the table assignment card
station would be where exactly?
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388. And that crossbow?
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389. I mean, a Barnett is like,
I don't know,
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390. Thor's hammer compared
to that thing.
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391. When you pointed out
the cocking stirrup—
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392. I mean, if you can
call that one—
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393. I thought I was gonna lose it.
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394. Oh, I know. If you're gonna...
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395. Oh, oh.
Hey, there he is, David Cross.
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396. Riddick Bowe. The Crossbow Kid.
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397. Stewie... Come on, Stewie.
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398. Hey, Stewie.
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399. Sorry, I couldn't
find a shirt or a bra,
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400. so I figured I'd just let 'em
flop around the hallway...
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401. Mom! Stewie shot himself.
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402. There you go.
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403. Get it all out.
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404. Hey, guys.
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405. No, no, no, no!
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