Family Guy 20x18

Justin Hartley as Jamie • Justin Hartley as Jamie (voice)

Peter and Chris take a road trip to Canada to prove the existence of Chris' girlfriend. Meanwhile, Lois and Meg compete for the attention of a handsome handyman.

Request examples:

!req Family Guy 20x18 [02:32]
!req Family Guy 20x18 [Family Guy 20x18]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Family Guy 20x18 [10-11]; !req Family Guy 20x18 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. I'm home from camp.

2. - Welcome home. - Meg's been wearing your clothes.

3. Ah, my big man.

4. How was Camp Angry Indian?

5. Oh, they had to rename it Camp Redface.

6. Then soon after, Camp Washington Football Team.

7. But camp was awesome.

8. I got a girlfriend.

9. She's smoking hot,

10. and she has some off the charts scary political views,

11. but largely because of the smoking hot thing,

12. we've decided to stay together.

13. My boy has a girlfriend?

14. Oh, Chris, that's amazing.

15. Good job, Chris. You've really impressed your old dad.

16. Like Richard Gere's gerbil impressed his dad.

17. Hello?

18. GERBIL SON ; Dad, you're never gonna believe

19. where I am.

20. Freaking Doug.

21. "Gooey Stewie, Gooey Stewie.

22. Eats all day and now he's ooey".

23. Yeah, right. I'll show him.

24. Whoa, since when do you have a treadmill?

25. I took it from a Curves.

26. They mostly just lie on mats.

27. Brian, help!

28. - Hey. - Hey.

29. - Bizarro Family Guy? - Bizarro Family Guy.

30. It's just the fire.

31. Peter, how is a stud finder gonna help with this?

32. Beep, beep, beep. Looks like I found the stud.

33. Oh, I know we have our differences,

34. but stuff like that, it-it— man, it's just—

35. I just— it's-it's fun.

36. Enough, Peter. I'm calling a handyman.

37. Fine. What's in here, anyway?

38. - Bizarro Peter? - Bizarro Peter.

39. It's just that I'm reading.

40. Peter, how many times do I have to tell you

41. to stop leaving your wet swimsuit

42. at the bottom of the stairs?

43. I never know when I'll be back in the sprinklers.

44. I got to be able to grab and go when they start spraying.

45. Ugh, you're impossible.

46. See that, Chris?

47. In the Hungry Hungry Hippos game of marriage,

48. I just ate one of her marbles.

49. I don't think you should be proud of that, Dad.

50. - Excuse me? - Let me give you a nickel's worth

51. of free advice from one happily taken man to another.

52. We've got two of these

53. and only one of these,

54. so we should listen twice as much as we talk.

55. Remember, Dad, never question your wife's choices.

56. After all, you were one of them.

57. I love cooking with wine.

58. Sometimes, I even put it in the food.

59. Are you just quoting aprons you saw in a kitchen magazine?

60. The last few, yes. Now, if you'll excuse me,

61. I have a Chaturbate date with my love.

62. Isn't it hard to find each other on there?

63. Yeah, but that's part of the dance.

64. Hey, Jerome, could I get a Twisted Tea over here?

65. Uh-oh. Never a good sign when a guy strays from linear tea.

66. - Everything okay, Peter? - Eh, it's just Chris.

67. Ever since he got a girlfriend, he's been insufferable.

68. Chris got a lady? That's great.

69. Do we know anything about this girl?

70. All I know is he met her at camp, and she's from Canada.

71. Trouble.

72. Have you seen Chris FaceTime her

73. or heard her on the phone or anything?

74. - No, why? - Peter,

75. I don't know how to say this,

76. but Canada is kind of a red flag.

77. Yeah, and white, with a big leaf in the middle.

78. You're awesome at flags. So what?

79. I hear Canada has a pretty handsome prime minister.

80. It's Tru-deau.

81. Think about it, Peter, a Canadian camp girlfriend

82. nobody has ever seen?

83. Seems a bit suspicious to me.

84. What, you think he made her up?

85. Chris wouldn't lie about this.

86. You'd be surprised at what people lie about.

87. Cleveland claims he likes Miller Lite because it tastes great.

88. - It does. - It's less filling.

89. - Tastes great. - Less filling!

90. The Great American Beer Conflict.

91. Brother fought brother,

92. mother fought daughter,

93. father fought son.

94. A nation divided

95. over which was the least trashy quality

96. of a crappy, domestic river beer.

97. Door! - I know!

98. Sheesh-kabibbles.

99. Who is it?

100. Oh, probably just the handyman here to fix the—

101. Bocce balls!

102. Hi there, young lady. I'm Jamie the Handyman.

103. I heard you had a hole that needed to be filled.

104. Yes.

105. Is that a big job?

106. Nothing my caulk can't handle.

107. So you just...

108. fill the hole with your caulk?

109. Yes, it's very thick,

110. and it stays hard forever.

111. We have liftoff on Operation Thirsty Housewife.

112. Repeat, we have liftoff.

113. I didn't say you could be in this.

114. Well, it's still a bit moist, but should dry up soon.

115. LOIS, MEG and Don't count on it.

116. - What's that? - Nothing.

117. Hey, um, I was hoping

118. maybe you could come back tomorrow

119. and fix our... sink or-or something?

120. Well, I usually charge a minimum of two hours, so...

121. why don't you call me when you have a few things for me to...

122. Okay, so for tomorrow,

123. could you fix a few windows,

124. a door ripped off its hinges

125. and a thermostat that was smashed with a...

126. Fire poker.

127. Whoa, talk about flaming hot.

128. Bizarro Stewie, you rascal.

129. We're buds now.

130. Still getting used to that.

131. Peter, the stairs are all wet from your swimsuit aga...

132. Put these in the shower.

133. Lois, I work hard to keep this family

134. in wet bathing suits, and at the end of the day,

135. all I want is to come home, relax,

136. do a couple of rad jumps through Sprinkler City,

137. and then enjoy a Popsicle on the front steps

138. while I look at bugs.

139. We don't deserve this guy.

140. Hey, Dad? Rule number one,

141. your wife is always right.

142. Rule number two, if your wife is wrong,

143. please refer to rule number one.

144. I got to text that to my girl later.

145. Why not right now?

146. Oh, she's probably eating dinner,

147. and we believe family time is special.

148. Uh-huh. So, Chris,

149. what's this "girl's" name, anyway?

150. Jennifaire.

151. Well, I'd love to see

152. Jennifaire's Facebook page.

153. Oh, we don't really believe in social media,

154. but I can show you a picture.

155. What is this?

156. It's an ad for Tim Hortons in Canada.

157. She's a model for them.

158. She gets her weight in coffee free every month.

159. - That's too much coffee. - I also love coffee.

160. It's important in relationships to have shared interests.

161. You could learn from that, Dad.

162. Look, I may have relationship problems,

163. but at least I have a real relationship.

164. What are you saying?

165. You don't have a girlfriend. You made her up.

166. No, I didn't. She's real.

167. She's real, huh? Well, then, let's go see her.

168. You and I are going to Canada first thing in the morning.

169. Peter, don't forget, you get the flu shot tomorrow morning.

170. We're going to Canada right now.

171. And then, after,

172. you're supposed to have your prostate exam.

173. Tomorrow afternoon, we go to Canada.

174. And then on Friday, we refill your Percocet prescription.

175. Sometime next week, we're going to Canada.

176. Peter, this is ridiculous.

177. You don't have to drive all the way to Canada

178. just to prove a point.

179. Don't worry, Lois, he's gonna crack way before that.

180. Well, at least bring this thick sweater.

181. Canada is its only chance to get out.

182. Larry.

183. See you on the other side, boys, and when I get there,

184. I'll send you a cable.

185. This fall, Pixar presents: Sweaters.

186. We're not a guaranteed home run anymore.

187. Wow, this short skirt is making my legs

188. look long and sexy.

189. Long legs, huh?

190. Everything okay?

191. Give us one sec, okay, Jamie?

192. What the hell are you doing?

193. Showing Jamie I have the sexiest

194. and longest legs in this house.

195. Oh, this is Mama's show, Meg.

196. What are you talking about? You've got Dad. Jamie's mine.

197. Look, your dad's away, and it's time to load up my spank bank.

198. All I need is one hug with a lower-back brush

199. and a sniff of the neck, and I'm good for six years.

200. It's not happening, old lady.

201. Meg, I'm warning you, if you don't back off,

202. I will end you.

203. You wouldn't dare.

204. Only 100,000 meters to Canada.

205. You stuck to your guns.

206. No shame in admitting there's no girlfriend now.

207. I'm not admitting something that's not true.

208. Well, hey, because you definitely have a girlfriend,

209. maybe you can tell me how you take a bra off.

210. You just start blindly tugging

211. until they sigh and do it themselves.

212. Been watching your old man, huh?

213. Well, it sounds like you're quite the relationship expert.

214. I'm sure you can tell me what sex is like.

215. I could, or maybe

216. you could tell me what sex is like.

217. Oh, I could for sure tell you exactly what sex is like.

218. Jamie will be here any minute to start on some repairs.

219. I don't want any more drama, Meg.

220. You won't get any from me.

221. Hey, there's the birthday girl.

222. What? What are you talking about?

223. Hi. I'm with Kassabian Sheep Shearing.

224. I'm here to shave Meg's back.

225. So, my doctor was like, "Oh, my gosh, you're so young

226. you should probably be going to a pediatrician."

227. A baby doctor?

228. Yeah, no, j-just as a joke because, you know,

229. I seem so young, I think.

230. Hey, Mom, I'm doing a school report.

231. Who was president when you were born?

232. Uh, Dwight D. Ei— Oh, you bitch.

233. Clinton. Dwight D. Clinton.

234. I did not have sexual relations with that woman

235. because I am extremely old

236. and have a windsock penis.

237. Look, I know how attached you are to your girl,

238. but I for one am very curious to see a Canadian strip club.

239. Fellas, put your mittens together for Brandi.

240. God, just imagine when she takes off

241. her middle pair of socks.

242. Dad, what are we even doing here?

243. I'm in a committed relationship.

244. Geez, relax. I figured maybe you'd like seeing

245. a real girl or two.

246. Real girl?

247. I can't believe you still won't accept

248. that I have a girlfriend.

249. It's just, it's just, it's not adding up.

250. Oh, please. Mom's way out of your league,

251. so why can't you get it through your thick and huge head

252. that I found someone great?

253. Head's not that huge, and Mom is not way out of my league.

254. We both have strengths and weaknesses as people.

255. Shut up. You're the luckiest guy on earth.

256. Mom's hot and does everything.

257. You're not hot and do nothing.

258. You know why I don't believe you have a girlfriend?

259. - Why? - Because you're a fat loser.

260. I hate you.

261. Ah, Chris, I didn't mean...

262. Oh, no, I probably just ruined his self-esteem forever.

263. Please welcome our next dancer,

264. Chris Griffin.

265. This is because of you, Daddy.

266. Come on, Chris, get in the car.

267. No. You called me a fat loser.

268. Yeah, like P-H, phat, and P-H, loser.

269. Okay, I didn't want to resort to this,

270. but I have a Mountain Dew with limited-edition

271. X Games packaging in here.

272. You're playing dirty pool.

273. As a teen, I'm required to be excited by that.

274. Wow, flatland skateboarder Rodney Mullen.

275. Ah.

276. As soon as I finish this bottle and then bring it home

277. to put on a display shelf in my room,

278. I'm going back to walk on the road.

279. Hey, Jamie.

280. I just baked some cookies when you're ready for a break.

281. Man, you guys are spoiling me.

282. Let me work on these gutters first.

283. I'm okay.

284. Oh, thank God.

285. Oh, my God, Jamie.

286. Ja...

287. It's out. It's out. It's very out.

288. And as they say,

289. when God takes a handyman,

290. he must need a cloud fixed.

291. We miss you, Jamie. Our Carhartts are broken.

292. Now, please join us for an Arby's catered reception.

293. We ask that you leave your cups and cigarette butts

294. on the ground or in attic crawl spaces

295. to be found years later.

296. I-I can't... You look so much like him.

297. Jamie was my twin brother.

298. Oh, you must be so sad.

299. Are you also a handyman?

300. No, I'm an inner thigh masseuse,

301. specializing in moms in their 40s.

302. You must need a hug.

303. In Florida, which is where I'm headed back to now.

304. Nice meeting you.

305. Sorry, bro. Three's a tough number for travel.

306. Maybe we should try the radio.

307. You're listening to Canadian Sports Talk Radio.

308. How aboot our teams, eh?

309. They're all oot there trying super hard,

310. and that's what matters most.

311. DJ 2: Yeah, outstanding effort all around.

312. What a neat group of guys.

313. DJ 1: Great point, bud.

314. The players are nice, and coach does the best he can...

315. Bunch of bums.

316. - You okay? - What do you care?

317. I'm sorry for calling you a fat loser.

318. It really hurt my feelings.

319. Why would you do that?

320. Well, this is hard for me to admit, but...

321. I used to be a fat loser.

322. What?

323. In high school,

324. I said I had a hot Canadian girlfriend

325. and that she was the Vanna White of Canada.

326. Nobody believed me, so I made up a game show

327. at an all-school assembly to prove it.

328. Okay, so earlier, you said the winner of round one

329. is immune from the sudden death round?

330. - They are. - But our handout says the sudden death round

331. is part of the champions circle,

332. which determines the winner.

333. So, the round one winner can't win the game?

334. Eventually, it all worked out. I met your mom,

335. I Brett Kavanaugh-ed her up some stairs

336. and accidentally had Meg.

337. But high school was a rough couple of years.

338. Wow, Dad, I-I had no idea.

339. I never told anyone that story.

340. I just wanted to save you from some of the pain

341. and humiliation I went through.

342. You and I are a lot alike.

343. You think so?

344. I know so.

345. I sure do love you, son.

346. I love you, too, Dad.

347. - This the spot? - Looks like it.

348. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself

349. about your girlfriend.

350. I'm glad we took this trip together.

351. Me, too, Dad.

352. Hey, Dad, I just wanted to say thanks.

353. There's no girlfriend.

354. I made the whole thing up.

355. I guess we're both a couple of fat losers, huh, Dad?

356. It's okay, buddy.

357. And what do you say we head home?

358. And on the way, we can even watch

359. that new Pixar movie Sweaters.

360. - Another home run? - You bet it might be.

361. Well, that was quite an adventure,

362. but I'm happy to be home.

363. - I'm happy you're back, too. - Where's Dad?

364. Oh, he had his 25th high school reunion.

365. And then whoever has the most points

366. is named the "Moose with the Most."

367. Any questions?

368. Yeah, if the show was so popular in Canada,

369. how come they never showed reruns in the States?

370. Good question. It was created by the CBC,

371. which is a pipeline to the BBC, which ran it quite regularly,

372. but that preexisted BBC America,

373. so there was no U. S. system in place. Next.

374. Yeah, say you win a trip in the Moose Pit Challenge,

375. but you're unable to go due to some previous conflict?

376. You have one calendar year to take the trip.

377. And if you win the Cash Bash, are you taxed on your winnings?

378. You have to declare the gross amount on your taxes that year.

379. - Oh, sure. - Yeah, makes sense.

380. Guys, I've had 25 years to perfect this.

381. - You're not gonna stump me. - Yeah, you said it was the best-rated show

382. in Nunavut in the '90s, but Nunavut wasn't separated

383. from the Northwest Territories until 1999.