Family Guy 20x16

Directed by Joseph Lee

Stephanie Beatriz as Esperanza (voice) • H. Jon Benjamin as Carl (voice) • Steve Callaghan as Raccoon (voice) • Nicolas Cantu as Spanish Kid (voice) • Sanaa Lathan as Donna Tubbs (voice)

After Brian sustains an injury, Lois gets hooked on his painkillers. Meanwhile, Cleveland refurbishes Peter's ping pong table, which becomes the hot spot in the neighborhood.

Request examples:

!req Family Guy 20x16 [02:32]
!req Family Guy 20x16 [Family Guy 20x16]
Syntax: !req EPISODE [quote or timestamp] (max. 8 square brackets)

For quotes, now you can request by index (e.g !req Family Guy 20x16 [10-11]; !req Family Guy 20x16 [20] [24]). Keep in mind, though, that index numbers might change at any time.
You can also generate a copy command with the quotes. Hover the desired subtitle and enter the amount of lines you want to copy.

Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

Note: you must use specific languages with their specific pages/discord channels.

1. Oh, good. Kids, you're just in time for breakfast.

2. No time, Mom. The girl I stalk

3. has field hockey practice at 8:00.

4. I love a red-cheeked barbarian.

5. How about you, Meg?

6. Can't. I'm weirdly the girl he's stalking.

7. God help me, I love the attention.

8. Well, it's just you and me, Stewie.

9. What should we do today?

10. I don't know, maybe forget everything that just happened?

11. All right, there he is.

12. - Do you have his lunch ready? - Lunch?

13. This big boy has his first whole day of preschool today.

14. Oh, my God, is it September already?

15. Wow. So I have the whole day to myself.

16. Let's see. I...

17. I guess I've got nothing to do except create an excuse

18. to touch the Target cashier lady I want to run away with.

19. That'll be $6.11.

20. Oh, perfect. I have a dime and a penny.

21. They're right here, in my hand,

22. for you to take.

23. We could go to Montana.

24. I want to, but I can't.

25. Esperanza, it's time to get back to work.

26. Lady! Wait!

27. No!

28. Cinnamon-skinned Target lady!

29. No!

30. Target. Due to lesbian fantasies,

31. we no longer accept change.

32. Well, I have the whole day.

33. I guess I can watch The Office for so long

34. that Netflix has to ask if I'm still alive.

35. Hey, Lois, is everything okay?

36. Uh, our Netflix says your Netflix is worried about you.

37. Is that the delivery guy?

38. Ooh, I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!

39. Oh, my God. Oh, Brian, are you okay?

40. Oh, crap. I-I can't remember

41. if doggy arms are supposed to bend that way.

42. Okay, Bonnie might know if doggy arms

43. are supposed to bend that way.

44. Hang on. She's responding.

45. I can see the little dots in the bubble.

46. Oh, no, wait, she stopped.

47. Oh, now she's typing again.

48. Take me...

49. Typing. Typing.

50. Typing.

51. to a hospital.

52. Oh, Bonnie doesn't have a dog.

53. I spy with my handicapable eye

54. something for bulk trash day!

55. Yeah, you know what? This thing's a piece of junk.

56. Worked one time.

57. Peter, you're throwing - this Ping- - Pong table out?

58. Can I have it?

59. Sure, it's all yours.

60. Mattress? Mattress?

61. Anyone throwing away a mattress?

62. Eh, what size?

63. I don't know. Van size?

64. Whatever size that is.

65. Hello!

66. Broken arm, huh?

67. That's no fun.

68. Hey! Get out of here!

69. Uh, you didn't give him the combination to the lock

70. on your garbage shed, did you?

71. - No. - Good.

72. Anyhorse, that arm looks broken.

73. We'll have to get you some painkillers.

74. I'm just gonna open this drawer

75. that doesn't have the mechanism

76. that stops it from pulling all the way out.

77. Ah! Darn it.

78. Hey, I heard a crash in here.

79. I, uh... I'm gonna need that shed password

80. to throw everything away, though.

81. Four, two...

82. Isn't that the same raccoon?

83. No. This one actually works here.

84. Guys, there's something going on across the street.

85. Did that cocky jogger finally get hit by a car?

86. Nope. I outran them.

87. Mile 13!

88. - Dad, isn't that - our Ping- - Pong table?

89. I don't know. Let me imagine it

90. with lots of paint cans on top of it.

91. Hey, that's ours!

92. Wow, Cleveland, looks like you got

93. the most popular place on the block.

94. You really fixed this thing up.

95. Can I play winner?

96. Uh, yeah, there's a line, bub.

97. The line starts all the way back in that burning barn.

98. Hey, no cuts!

99. Aw, poor Brian.

100. Have your pain meds kicked in yet?

101. Ho, yeah.

102. How does it feel?

103. Ho, yeah.

104. Where are you going?

105. Ho, yeah.

106. Huh. I want to "ho, yeah."

107. Maybe just a half of a half, huh?

108. - What? Wh- - Where am I?

109. You're on my head, Lois.

110. Chris Daughtry?

111. That's right, Lois.

112. Would you like to glide around on my head

113. like an air hockey puck?

114. Forever?

115. Just until I have to do a smoke-inside concert

116. at an Indian casino.

117. Oh, that must be soon.

118. Every 45 minutes.

119. Oh!

120. Ah...

121. A thousand bucks a show split six ways.

122. Hey, Peter's underwear.

123. You've been through a lot, huh?

124. I'm gonna fold you nice.

125. Ah.

126. Hello. I'm Neil deGrasse Tyson.

127. What Lois just did isn't possible.

128. Or is it?

129. Let's spend an hour of Fox's money to find out.

130. Well, it's 3:50.

131. That's basically 4:00.

132. I mean, in some cultures,

133. it's polite to do things ten minutes early.

134. You know, if it's good with water,

135. it'd be even better with wine, huh?

136. Just like Jesus says.

137. B-B-Brian, Brian, was that the last pill?

138. Yes. But that's fine, 'cause my arm's all better.

139. Oh, so now you're a doctor?

140. Of letters, from Hofstra, yes.

141. Yeah, well-well-well-well, there's nothing I love more

142. than my dog Brian and I'm not gonna take the chance

143. that he doesn't have enough pills just in case.

144. Lois, I'm good. I don't want to get hooked on those things.

145. Who wants to go for a ride in the car?

146. - Hey! Dr. Griffin! - Yeah, Hofstra!

147. Hofstra. Pets need safety schools, too.

148. Okay. Time to play another round

149. of expiration date roulette with this salami.

150. God, that's annoying.

151. No problem. I can turn on that one radio station

152. that's just religious Spanish shouting.

153. ¡Jesucristo es el Señor

154. del mundo!

155. It's okay. I'm sure that noise won't make me go insane.

156. Peter?

157. How's your new novel coming along?

158. Don't read that.

159. It's still very rough.

160. Okay, if anyone has drugs,

161. it's high school kids under the bleachers.

162. Hey, daddy-os.

163. Anyone want to blast off to Mars?

164. Uh, what?

165. Well, what I'm saying is, I'm Lucy.

166. Where's the sky with diamonds?

167. Excuse me, ma'am, are you lost?

168. No, I want pills! Give me pills!

169. Aren't you kids doing drugs under here?

170. No, we're picking up trash

171. and organizing a Black Lives Matter rally.

172. Ugh! How could you be so selfish?

173. Hey, daddy-os...

174. They don't have drugs!

175. Later, alligators.

176. - Oh, Ping- - Pong, huh? That's cute.

177. Me, I like American games.

178. Okay, I'll bite.

179. No, I'm just saying - Ping- - Pong's not bad,

180. but I'll tell you what's better—

181. foosball.

182. Isn't it generally agreed that foosball,

183. much like soccer, originated in Western Europe?

184. Isn't it generally agreed a sphincter says, "What?"

185. - No, it's not. - What? Damn it!

186. Hey, y'all! Come and get your A&W cream soda floats!

187. Holy crap!

188. That's a huge frickin' brand!

189. Long spoon? Long spoon?

190. Long spoon to keep your knuckles dry?

191. Okay. Thank you so much, Cleveland,

192. - for taking care of my Ping- - Pong table for the last few days.

193. I'll be taking it back now.

194. Now, Peter, just because Cleveland had the vision

195. to see the potential in - your Ping- - Pong table you didn't,

196. that doesn't mean you have the right to take it back.

197. - Yeah? Says who? - Says the landmark case

198. One Man's Trash v. Another Man's Treasure.

199. Hard-shell tacos, y'all.

200. - Oh, yeah. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

201. What's the brand on those shells?

202. Old El Paso.

203. Oh, baby. Huge brand.

204. Damn it, there's got to be one more pill in here somewhere.

205. I mean, maybe there's one that got stuck

206. in a drawer or something.

207. Okay. Here, Stewie.

208. Time to get nice and clean in your bath

209. while Mommy gets on her knees

210. and Tara Reids around the bathroom.

211. Uh, there's no water in here.

212. All right, let's see.

213. Here it is.

214. How's the temperature, sweetie?

215. Of what? The air?

216. Okay, I just need some water.

217. Yeah, me, too.

218. Oh, my God.

219. That's the last pill.

220. Oh, damn it, my hand's too big.

221. It won't fit.

222. Oh, Stewie, you know how you missed your last swim lesson?

223. Yeah, we could do a little makeup class, huh?

224. Wait, what's happening? No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

225. Well, you know how Teacher Amy has you dive for rings?

226. Well, this is like that, except it's a pill

227. and it's not okay if you don't get it.

228. Aah! Damn you!

229. Come on, come on, you just touched it!

230. What's all the yelling...? Oh, my God, Lois,

231. what are you doing?

232. First there wasn't enough water, then there was too much.

233. I just wanted the pill.

234. Lois, you need help.

235. I'm sorry, but there's only one thing to do.

236. I have one pill left.

237. It's in my crate and you may have it.

238. Brian, I don't see it.

239. What are you doing? Let me out of here, Brian.

240. Help! Somebody help me!

241. I'd stop, but my VO2 max rate is 70.

242. I-Is that good?

243. "Is that good?"

244. See you at the finish line.

245. Brian, unlock this cage.

246. I'm sorry, I can't do that, Lois.

247. You're an addict, and I'm the reason those pills

248. were in the house to begin with.

249. So I'm gonna get you through this.

250. The most important thing is you getting better.

251. Stewie? Stewie.

252. Help Mommy out and just open the latch, huh?

253. Stewie. Stewie?

254. Stewie? Stewie?

255. Stewie? Stew?

256. Stew? Stew?

257. Stewie? Stewie?

258. Stewie? Sweetie?

259. Stewie? Stewie?

260. Stewie. Stewie.

261. Stewie?

262. Stew? Stewart?

263. Stew? Stewie?

264. Stewie? Stewie?

265. Stewie.

266. Stewie. Stewie.

267. - Stewie... — Noise canceling on.

268. Audible presents Times We've Been Nude

269. by all three Hemsworths.

270. G'day, Liam.

271. I'm about to take me trousers off.

272. Said Chris Hemsworth.

273. Liam Hemsworth replied...

274. Oh, Chris, you startled me.

275. I was in the process of taking my trousers off.

276. I'm the third one, and I'm trouserless, too.

277. Said the third one, holding the trousers

278. that the other two bought for him.

279. I have some coupons for these.

280. This coupon is expired.

281. Well, try another one.

282. All of these coupons are expired.

283. Expired. Expired. Expired.

284. - But, but... - Looks like someone

285. didn't study for groceries.

286. No, I-I studied.

287. Also, you're naked

288. and you're falling and you're falling

289. and your teeth are coming out, too.

290. Daddy, will you come to my recital?

291. Can't you see I'm busy? God, so needy.

292. She'll probably end up with the first fat slob she meets.

293. Let's start a life together. I have 42 VHS tapes.

294. They're movies taped off the TV, so they all have commercials.

295. Lois, you stand on trial for drug use

296. prompted by mom-related boredom.

297. This council has no hesitation in pronouncing you...

298. - Guilty. - Guilty.

299. - Y-You're on mute, Jor- - El.

300. - Jor- - El, y-you have to unmute yourself.

301. Dur, sorry. Can you hear me now?

302. Yeah, yeah, o-okay, we got you.

303. Okay. Guilty.

304. I don't know this reference!

305. - Is this from a Spider- - Man?

306. What took you so long?

307. You dragged all that stuff out to your lawn

308. just waiting for this moment?

309. Nah, I'm getting a jump on the next big trash day.

310. So, what, you're mad 'cause people

311. have been enjoying - my Ping- - Pong table?

312. No, I'm mad they've been - enjoying my Ping- - Pong table.

313. - Peter, you're acting like a child. - No, I'm not.

314. So let's solve this like children.

315. - A game of Ping- - Pong for the table.

316. Whoever wins keeps it.

317. You're on.

318. Oh, wait, if we want to have a fair match,

319. we're gonna need a referee.

320. What took you so long?

321. It's my third time tonight

322. so it's taking longer.

323. Not you, Chris.

324. All right, Peter, game point.

325. I gave Peter the biggest softball tee

326. you could possibly give to an opponent,

327. giving him the advantage.

328. The truth is, after the first day,

329. - Ping- - Pong was the greatest thing that had ever happened to me.

330. But by day five, I was so sick - of playing Ping- - Pong

331. and having people at my house, I was ready

332. to shove that bitch into the Fargo wood chipper.

333. I'm sorry about the table, Cleveland.

334. And I'm sorry I've been such a jerk.

335. It's okay.

336. I can't believe we let a silly table

337. come between our friendship.

338. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a draw.

339. - Oh, come on. - Yeah, well, it was a waste of time.

340. So, who gets - the Ping- - Pong table?

341. I guess it's no one's table now.

342. That's all I wanted.

343. My head.

344. Brian, you stayed by my side

345. - all night long? - I did.

346. It's kind of what dogs do.

347. Paw.

348. Good dog, Brian. Very good dog.

349. Alexa, play music that sounds like I'm on drugs.

350. Playing the last 45 quavery seconds

351. of "Crimson and Clover."