Family Guy 20x15

Directed by Jerry Langford

Zachary Levi as Seymour • Jay Pharoah as Reverend Lucius • Zachary Levi as Seymour (voice) • Jay Pharoah as Reverend Lucius (voice)

Meg is invigorated by her new role as a getaway driver. Meanwhile, Quagmire can't rid himself of the hiccups and implores Peter to kill him.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. A little taste of the future right here in Quahog?

2. That's right. Virtual Reality World

3. has just opened its doors to the public.

4. For those of you who don't know what VR is,

5. I will now attempt to explain it to you

6. without the aid of a teleprompter.

7. You put a computer on a face,

8. and it's like this whole world, man. It's crazy.

9. I dated a chick whose little brother had one.

10. Just nuts.

11. - Guys, let's go to VR World. - Hell yeah.

12. - Let's do it. - All right.

13. I mixed up the letters.

14. - We- - We'll... We'll-we'll get there.

15. Gentlemen, the going rate is 20 bucks a game over here.

16. Who's got a pair of stones big enough

17. to challenge the mighty Meg?

18. My money's on the table.

19. Can you please get out of my way?

20. - Come take my money. - My hand is bleeding,

21. and I need to wash it so it doesn't get infected!

22. Oh, okay.

23. He scurred. Everybody scurred.

24. Damn bunch of panzos over here.

25. Bruce, how we doing on those Gulden's packets?

26. I got my mind on my mustard and my mustard on my mind.

27. There it is.

28. What is going on with you today?

29. I'm just so bored.

30. Ain't nobody forcing you to stay here.

31. Go do something.

32. I did. I went over to that new car wash.

33. They got all the rainbow lights. Real classy joint.

34. Anyway, they say I can only go through five times.

35. Like, why would you restrict that?

36. Listen, Meg, I got to run.

37. A special-needs boy got his hands on a Rum and Coke,

38. and he's absolutely destroying the arcade.

39. Hey, if you really got nothing going on,

40. I could use a ride home.

41. Yeah, like I'm really gonna let some...

42. hot piece of ass in my car.

43. How the hell are you doing, boy?

44. I'm good, thanks.

45. My name's Seymour.

46. I'm Meg. But everyone here calls me Thrash.

47. - Heya, Meg. - Wow.

48. Yeah, I'll give you a ride.

49. Just hope you don't mind going fast.

50. Here, let me show you how it's done.

51. Oh, sorry. That's my phone.

52. Let it go to voice mail.

53. Gentlemen, welcome to Virtual Reality World.

54. Now, who's ready to put something on your face

55. that was on someone else's face 15 minutes ago?

56. Wow! Mine says, "Low battery. Charge immediately."

57. Is this real life?

58. Aw, cool. Virtual Reality: The Hulk.

59. What's going on? What's happening?

60. I don't know. It's weird. It keeps stopping and rebooting.

61. Eric Bana, smash.

62. Edward Norton, smash.

63. - Okay, here we go. Mark Ruffalo. - Are you smashing?

64. No, I'm mainly just updating my Twitter avatar

65. to raise awareness about fracking.

66. That's lame. Try getting angry.

67. Uh, I don't get angry. I vote.

68. I vote.

69. So, Seymour, you from around here?

70. Just moved here from Philly.

71. Oh, right on. I love Philly.

72. - I hated it... - Kind of a dump.

73. - ... when I had to leave. - Great town.

74. Maybe I'm thinking of Dallas.

75. - You want some mustard? - No, thanks.

76. I had a chalky, expired Kit Kat at the bowling alley.

77. Right on.

78. Sorry for all the packet racket.

79. These things can be a little tricky.

80. There we go.

81. Hooah! It's that tang that gets me.

82. Hey, Meg, would you mind - pulling over at this 7- - Eleven?

83. No doubt. I am the same way.

84. Once I start thinking about that hot case,

85. I gots to pull over.

86. I'll just do sex. You don't need that.

87. Wait right here.

88. What the...

89. What is happening right now?

90. Damn it. I should have just stayed home.

91. This is a bigger mistake

92. than the Bill Belichick Christmas album.

93. What's up with those hiccups?

94. I don't know.

95. I think I said "giggity..." too fast

96. when the guy was... explaining

97. how the goggles... sit on your face.

98. Now they're not going away.

99. - Boo! - What are you doing?

100. You can scare 'em away.

101. You thought that would scare me?

102. Crap. Why aren't they going away?

103. This is worse than the B side...

104. of that Bill Belichick... Christmas album.

105. Let's go, Meg! Drive!

106. All right, Meg.

107. That was awesome.

108. Where have you been all my life?

109. Probably mostly at my house.

110. Oh! One time, my dad took me to see Stevie Nicks

111. when my mom was sick.

112. What do you think she's gonna play next, Dad?

113. I don't know, but if it's "Edge of Seventeen,"

114. back up. I need some twirling room.

115. Back up! Back up! Back up!

116. Well, look who's finally up.

117. Oh, I'm up, all right.

118. Meg, drive!

119. How do you want your eggs?

120. 120 miles an hour

121. on the razor's edge between life and death.

122. Okay. I'll just do, like, a cheesy scramble.

123. Hey, Dad, is it all right if I use the car again?

124. Yeah, that's fine. Why? What do you got going on?

125. Oh, just some stuff.

126. What was all that noise in your bedroom this morning?

127. Oh, you know, not much.

128. All right, Mr. Quagmire,

129. I understand you have the hiccups.

130. Now, it says here on your chart you've tried "boo."

131. Outside of that, the best way to treat hiccups

132. is through hypnosis.

133. Yeah, hypnosis helps with all sorts of stuff.

134. This guy even helped me recover a traumatic repressed memory.

135. One front-row ticket for Nickelback, please.

136. The music was great,

137. but I split my black jeans during "Photograph."

138. The bouncers had to carry me out with a napkin over my ass.

139. My mama always said that hiccups

140. are a sign that the devil's got ahold of you.

141. If anything can drive 'em away, it's Reverend Lucius.

142. And, like all Black priests,

143. he's Whitney Houston's uncle.

144. Is this the possessed one?

145. Son, I'm now going to place my hands on the afflicted area.

146. Satan, release your grasp from this man.

147. In the name of Christ, I exorcise thee,

148. infernal invader!

149. Well, I'm out of purple-suited ideas.

150. Peter, what are you doing?

151. He's doing hiccup stuff. I'm doing hat stuff.

152. Easy with the fans, ladies.

153. Easy with the fans.

154. Right on time.

155. Meg, what are you doing? You're not gonna beat it.

156. Who said anything about beating it?

157. Can you pass me that retainer in the cup holder?

158. I have to wear it

159. or my teeth will shift.

160. That's smart.

161. Mine have shifted.

162. See?

163. Yes! That's what I'm talking about, Meg!

164. I love hanging out with you.

165. That was such a rush!

166. This must be what it's like to get a B12 shot.

167. Hi. I'm a bored white person looking to waste $60?

168. Well, I have a certificate

169. from a probably, like, three-day course

170. that says I can inject people with stuff.

171. That needle's clean, right?

172. You bet it is.

173. Hey... I saw your TV was on

174. and thought I'd... swing by.

175. Geez, you look like hell.

176. Listen, I'm at the end of my rope here.

177. I can't sleep. I can't eat.

178. Peyton Manning was accused of assaulting a woman...

179. and it just kind of went away.

180. I need you to do something for me, Peter.

181. What is it? You name it.

182. I don't want to live like this. I need...

183. I need you to kill me.

184. What? Quagmire, I can't do that.

185. You're-you're my best friend.

186. If that's true, then you'll... do it.

187. You don't know what it's been like.

188. I can't remember the last time I slept... 15 minutes straight.

189. It's torture, Peter... and it's driving me insane!

190. Please... I'm begging you.

191. Well, if it's really come to that,

192. if that's what you really want, I'll do it.

193. Oh, thank you, Peter. And you have to do it.

194. You can't let me out of it, no matter how much I insist.

195. It's done. I'll come get you tomorrow.

196. Thank you, Peter... thank you so much.

197. What are you doing with your Hawaiian shirts?

198. I want them tightly folded

199. like a flag at a military funeral.

200. There's a condom in the pocket. And it's used.

201. Who else but Quagmire?

202. Burn. Why aren't you burning?

203. Uh, Black Irish, Chris.

204. I never burn, only tan.

205. Uh, hey, Kel, how's that cocktail coming along?

206. Listen, Meg, I've got a big job I've been thinking about.

207. - I'm talking huge. - You're not...

208. You're not seriously thinking about robbing

209. - Ross Dress for Less. - Ross Dress for Less. Exactly.

210. It's their Memorial Day sale this weekend.

211. - Big job. - Big savings.

212. That's Ross Dress for Less.

213. Gonna need a hell of a driver.

214. I knew I could count on you.

215. What kind is this?

216. It's French's.

217. Oh, my God, Meg's gonna commit a robbery.

218. What am I gonna do?

219. Chris is in distress?

220. Herbert is in distress?

221. Old turtle.

222. Hey, Meg?

223. I need to talk to you about something.

224. About Ross Dress for Less.

225. What? How do you know about that?

226. I heard what you said in the car.

227. Meg, I think you're very confused about something.

228. Oh, what? Wait, wait, let me guess.

229. Seymour's just using me?

230. Trust me, Chris, I'm not confused about anything.

231. - No, Meg... - Stop spying on me, you little creep.

232. Oh, man, I got to tell somebody.

233. But first, let's have a look at this sex toy drawer.

234. Wow, big sex toy.

235. And big savings. That's Hitachi.

236. Goodbye, baby girl.

237. Daddy's going away for a while.

238. Ugh, I can't...

239. Ow! Ouch!

240. God, those claws went right through my pants.

241. Oh, my God.

242. Oh, my God, they're gone.

243. Kitty, you did it! You broke the curse!

244. Peter, no! They went away.

245. - My hiccups are gone. - Oh, no.

246. That's exactly what you said not to listen to.

247. Peter, please!

248. I swear, they're gone! Listen!

249. Sorry, Quagmire. I promised to take you out of your misery.

250. And when I give my word on something,

251. I give it my all.

252. Like when I guarded Jeffrey Epstein.

253. We would like to see prisoner.

254. - On whose authority? - Your mother.

255. All right, I was able to hack into the city's server.

256. There's an accessible heat duct

257. on the southwest side of the building.

258. If we set off an explosion here...

259. Meg, I'm just gonna walk in and point a gun at the cashier.

260. Oh. Okay.

261. Yeah. Yeah, that-that should work.

262. Yeah, we don't need the timer, either.

263. It won't be a factor in anything I do.

264. You okay back there, Quagmire?

265. QUAGMIRE Why do you care

266. if you're just gonna kill me anyway?

267. We're still friends. Geez.

268. That store is a disaster.

269. The robes are next to the hand weights.

270. I mean, come on.

271. Go, Meg! Let's go.

272. We did it! Meg, that was...

273. Wow.

274. You're not just using me, are you?

275. What would give you that idea?

276. I don't know.

277. Just used to being hurt, I guess.

278. Meg, in addition to being

279. the most kick-ass getaway driver I have ever seen,

280. I think you're the most amazing person

281. I've ever met.

282. Really?

283. Seymour!

284. Meg, get out of here.

285. - I'll take the heat for this. - What? Why?

286. Because you're my sister and I love you.

287. But what do we do about Seymo...

288. What the...?

289. Meg, there never was a Seymour.

290. Think about it.

291. Just hope you don't mind going fast.

292. Ooh. Big, flat butt, 11 o'clock.

293. I got it.

294. Oh, Seymour.

295. Don't turn the wheel, please.

296. I don't understand.

297. I watched you in front of Ross Dress for Less.

298. You were just revving the engine with your hand down your pants.

299. Look, whatever's going on with you,

300. we're gonna figure it out.

301. Thank you, Chris.

302. What the hell?

303. We'll talk later. Just go.

304. Hey, you got to frickin' watch where you're going, man.

305. Chris? What are you doing out here?

306. Oh, y-you caught me.

307. I, uh, I stole your car and went on a joyride.

308. Yeah!

309. Chris, I am very disappointed in you,

310. and you are grounded, and we will talk about this

311. after I kill my best friend.

312. Well, Peter, I'm glad the gun jammed

313. and Quagmire's still alive.

314. Yeah, the gun definitely jammed

315. and I didn't miss him with all six bullets,

316. - that's for sure. - What are we gonna do about Meg?

317. She's upstairs having very loud sex

318. with her imaginary boyfriend.

319. Maybe this has something to do with that.

320. The FDA has issued a recall on four brands of mustard

321. due to possible E. coli contamination.

322. So far, there have been

323. three confirmed cases here in Rhode Island.

324. Symptoms of infection include fever, diarrhea,

325. and delusions of having a criminal boyfriend.

326. Wow. That Family Guy simulation was really freaky.

327. It's like I was in the episode.

328. I'll say. Do you want to do a Bob's Burgers?

329. Dude, lead with that next time.