1. "When life is getting to youCopy !req
2. "put some fresh in your life
Let Mintos freshen up your lifeCopy !req
3. "Life is just a breeze
when you stay fresh and coolCopy !req
4. "Because Mintos puts the fresh in lifeCopy !req
5. "Taste that freshness
Just can't beat itCopy !req
6. "Mintos freshness
Let Mintos freshen your life"Copy !req
7. Mintos, the Freshmaker.Copy !req
8. These commercials are stupid.Copy !req
9. They certainly don't make me want
a Minto.Copy !req
10. Totally ineffective.Copy !req
11. Must kill Lincoln.Copy !req
12. "It seems today that all you seeCopy !req
13. "is violence in movies and sex on TVCopy !req
14. "But where are those good,
old-fashioned valuesCopy !req
15. "on which we used to rely?Copy !req
16. "Lucky there's a family guyCopy !req
17. "Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell youCopy !req
18. "all the things that make usCopy !req
19. "laugh 'n' cryCopy !req
20. "He's a family guy"Copy !req
21. Blast you, woman!
Awake from your damnable reverie!Copy !req
22. Honey, I'm doing the dishes.Copy !req
23. A thousand pardons for disrupting
your flatware sanitation ritual.Copy !req
24. But you see, I'm in searing pain!Copy !req
25. You're just teething, Stewie.
It's a normal part of a baby's life.Copy !req
26. Very well then,
I order you to kill me at once!Copy !req
27. Honey, I know you're hurting.Copy !req
28. But Mommy has to clean up the house,
all right?Copy !req
29. No, it's not all right!Copy !req
30. For the love of God, shake me!
Shake me like a British nanny!Copy !req
31. Oh, man. This is the life.
Hand me another one of them...Copy !req
32. Pawtucket Patriots.Copy !req
33. Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
Quagmire, Cleveland...Copy !req
34. Brian.Copy !req
35. Yeah. If you guys were beers,
I would drink every one of you.Copy !req
36. And I wish you were because we're out.Copy !req
37. That's funny. That's even more humorous
than that joke you told us last night.Copy !req
38. Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar, right?Copy !req
39. Wait a second.Copy !req
40. Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar.Copy !req
41. And there's a naked priest sitting there.
And he...Copy !req
42. Oh, sorry, Father.Copy !req
43. No, I've heard them all.Copy !req
44. Look at the time.Copy !req
45. I promised Loretta I was gonna trim
the hedges and be tender with her.Copy !req
46. Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need
some time off as much as we do.Copy !req
47. This is when Lois does all those
little things that women like to do.Copy !req
48. I'll be on your bed. No calls.Copy !req
49. Hey, Lois.Copy !req
50. You've been busy all day.
So I took care of dinner.Copy !req
51. Really?Copy !req
52. All you gotta do is gut it, clean it,
scale it, and cook it.Copy !req
53. I spent all morning
cleaning up the house.Copy !req
54. And in five seconds,
you turn it into low tide at the pier.Copy !req
55. Jeez. I'm sorry, honey.
I'd help you clean it up.Copy !req
56. But you know how lousy
I am with housework.Copy !req
57. Remember when I tried doing the laundry?Copy !req
58. Let's see. Shirts, pants...
I'm missing another sock.Copy !req
59. Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.Copy !req
60. Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!Copy !req
61. Hey!Copy !req
62. You're right. It's better if I do it.Copy !req
63. Damn it to the bowels
of bloody hell!Copy !req
64. The baby's up. Can you get him?Copy !req
65. Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.Copy !req
66. I'm a little gun-shy
after what happened last time.Copy !req
67. No, you imbecile!
That's not talc! That's paprika!Copy !req
68. Take that!Copy !req
69. All right, I'll do that, too!
Can you at least take Chris to his game?Copy !req
70. Jeez, Lois.
I spent all morning on a boat...Copy !req
71. drinking beer, telling jokes,
and screwing around.Copy !req
72. How about a little me time?Copy !req
73. Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...Copy !req
74. and come right home.Copy !req
75. I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!Copy !req
76. All right! You know I spoil you.Copy !req
77. Thanks for the ride, Dad.Copy !req
78. All right. Have fun, Chris.Copy !req
79. Hey, Petey!Copy !req
80. Quagmire? What are you doing here?Copy !req
81. Soccer moms!Copy !req
82. All right.Copy !req
83. I'd like to hang around with you.
But Lois needs me at home.Copy !req
84. I got beer.Copy !req
85. Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!Copy !req
86. It's okay, Stewie.
Where the hell's Peter?Copy !req
87. That was good, Reuben.
Now play Brahms' Lullaby.Copy !req
88. "Lullaby and good night"Copy !req
89. Enough! The only thing worse
than the wretched pain...Copy !req
90. in my mouth is the excrement
spewing from yours!Copy !req
91. I wish I could make the pain
go away sooner.Copy !req
92. But I can't turn time forward.Copy !req
93. Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course!
I'll simply build a machine...Copy !req
94. that can move time!
I shall call it a time machine.Copy !req
95. E-flat, Salieri! E-flat!Copy !req
96. Go, Chris! Daddy loves you!
I mean in a platonic way. I'm married.Copy !req
97. Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue!Copy !req
98. That's the 10th time today!
Nice grab, orca.Copy !req
99. Get Moby Dick off the field
before he burps up a license plate!Copy !req
100. Easy, fella. That's my kid.
Now apologize.Copy !req
101. Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead
stinking blue cheese feta!Copy !req
102. That's it!Copy !req
103. Way to go, Dad!Copy !req
104. You hit my mom!Copy !req
105. No, I hit your dad.Copy !req
106. Stand back. Give her some air.Copy !req
107. You mean, "Give him some air."Copy !req
108. Call an ambulance.
She's going into labor.Copy !req
109. You mean, "He's going into labor."Copy !req
110. Whoops.Copy !req
111. I can't believe I punched a woman.Copy !req
112. A pregnant woman.Copy !req
113. I just hope she accepts my peace offering.Copy !req
114. I sent her a little something
for the baby.Copy !req
115. I would've brought it over myself
if I wasn't under house arrest.Copy !req
116. You're just fortunate
this is your first offense, Peter.Copy !req
117. Could've been a lot worse if the cops...Copy !req
118. knew about the other times
I broke the law.Copy !req
119. And there was that time
I took a whiz in public.Copy !req
120. And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.Copy !req
121. Me and Cleveland are gonna "amscray."Copy !req
122. Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone.Copy !req
123. Why don't you come with us?Copy !req
124. I can't leave the premises.
They're monitoring my every move.Copy !req
125. I gotta get out of here!Copy !req
126. There's my little house husband.Copy !req
127. It's been so wonderful
having you home all week.Copy !req
128. Thanks, honey.
But I don't know how you...Copy !req
129. stand it here all day.Copy !req
130. I mean, I'm so bored,
I can't even watch TV anymore.Copy !req
131. All the shows are
starting to run together.Copy !req
132. This contains adult content
and is brought to you by the letter "H".Copy !req
133. Hello?Copy !req
134. Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.Copy !req
135. Some poor bastard got his head
blown off down at a place called Hooper's.Copy !req
136. Bert, I wish
you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.Copy !req
137. Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat
cookies in the damn bed!Copy !req
138. Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!Copy !req
139. I know you can't understand
what I'm going through.Copy !req
140. All the stuff that makes you happy...Copy !req
141. like cooking and cleaning, is right in
the house just waiting for you.Copy !req
142. - You are one lucky—
- Stop now.Copy !req
143. Peter, I don't do those things
because I enjoy them.Copy !req
144. I do them because I love my family.Copy !req
145. Lois loves her family.
Lois loves her family.Copy !req
146. "Lois and the family sitting in a tree"Copy !req
147. See, Lois, the guys would've
found that hilarious.Copy !req
148. Why don't I go buy some groceries
and make us a nice romantic dinner?Copy !req
149. Like when we were dating.
That oughta take your mind off the guys.Copy !req
150. It already has.Copy !req
151. I wonder what the guys are up to?Copy !req
152. That's nasty.Copy !req
153. Where's the damn pull string?Copy !req
154. You never know what you're gonna
find down here.Copy !req
155. Peter!Copy !req
156. You're the Pawtucket Patriot.Copy !req
157. Verily. Come hither and give heed.Copy !req
158. Whoa. I don't swing that way, pal.Copy !req
159. Look, I got a date with my female wife.
I just came down to get some beers.Copy !req
160. Why spend time with your wife?
If you build a bar in this basement...Copy !req
161. and stock it with plenty
of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...Copy !req
162. your friends will come down here
for a beer as well.Copy !req
163. Build a bar! That's a great idea.Copy !req
164. Wait. One last question.Copy !req
165. If I walk through you,
does that mean, like, we've done it?Copy !req
166. Jeez.
What's with you and the gay jokes?Copy !req
167. Where the hell have you been?
We had a date.Copy !req
168. Sorry, honey.
I must've lost track of the time.Copy !req
169. What do you say?
You think the guys will like it?Copy !req
170. This is why you missed our dinner?
To make a bar for your friends?Copy !req
171. Yeah, isn't it great?
Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen.Copy !req
172. I build stuff and I have
a criminal record.Copy !req
173. Okay, guys. I got another one.Copy !req
174. What's the difference
between pornography and art?Copy !req
175. Here it comes.Copy !req
176. A government grant.Copy !req
177. Peter, you are in the zone.Copy !req
178. You know those little clam cakes
you make whenever...Copy !req
179. we have company? I need about a dozen.Copy !req
180. Actually, better make it like 600.Copy !req
181. That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.Copy !req
182. And I'm through taking care of you
and your bar buddies!Copy !req
183. Jeez. Where the hell did that come from?Copy !req
184. Watch the kids.
I'm taking a hot bath.Copy !req
185. Put me down, you blunderbuss!Copy !req
186. He's a little cranky from teething.Copy !req
187. I can fix that.Copy !req
188. Good God, man!Copy !req
189. One can only imagine what foul regions
that finger has erstwhile probed!Copy !req
190. There you go.Copy !req
191. My mother used to use whiskey
whenever I had a toothache.Copy !req
192. My tooth hurts!Copy !req
193. There. How's that feel?Copy !req
194. It's delightful.Copy !req
195. Thank you. Thank you very much.Copy !req
196. Lois, you are a wonderful woman.Copy !req
197. Words cannot express the depth
of my appreciation and love for you.Copy !req
198. Peter!Copy !req
199. You must be Lois.Copy !req
200. No, not silicone. Silicon.
And the design of the device...Copy !req
201. is quite ingenious
if I do say so myself, Misty.Copy !req
202. What a delightful moniker.Copy !req
203. You see, Misty...Copy !req
204. my time manipulator employs axioms...Copy !req
205. from the quantum theory
of molecular propulsion.Copy !req
206. I've broken my pencil!Copy !req
207. I have a Barney pen in my purse.Copy !req
208. You are spectacular!Copy !req
209. Chris, what are you doing here?Copy !req
210. Sorry, Mom.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.Copy !req
211. Chris, go to your room!Copy !req
212. Hello, Mother. Care to partake in one...Copy !req
213. of your oh-so-exhilarating games
of peekaboo?Copy !req
214. Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!Copy !req
215. No, I'm not!Copy !req
216. Him? Yeah. He's a real lightweight.Copy !req
217. Meg, take Stewie upstairs.Copy !req
218. "Show me the way to go home"
Everybody!Copy !req
219. "I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
Just the women!Copy !req
220. Peter, in the 17 years
that we've been married...Copy !req
221. I have never been as angry as I...Copy !req
222. What is my piano doing down here?Copy !req
223. It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet,
but... Never mind.Copy !req
224. That does it, Peter.
Either this bar goes or I do!Copy !req
225. I haven't even told you
the other reason your piano's down here.Copy !req
226. I wanted you to play it.Copy !req
227. Like it was an instrument.
I'm telling you the truth. Right, guys?Copy !req
228. Come on!Copy !req
229. I couldn't.Copy !req
230. Come on!Copy !req
231. Maybe one song.Copy !req
232. Pretend you like it
no matter how bad it stinks.Copy !req
233. "You'll never know just how muchCopy !req
234. "I love youCopy !req
235. "You'll never know just how much I care"Copy !req
236. Yeah!Copy !req
237. "And if I try, I stillCopy !req
238. "couldn't hide my love for youCopy !req
239. "You oughta know
for haven't I told you so?"Copy !req
240. Okay, guys. Thank you.
You can stop pretending now.Copy !req
241. All right!Copy !req
242. "If there is some other way
to prove that I love youCopy !req
243. "I swear I don't know how"Copy !req
244. Sing it.Copy !req
245. Something troubling you, Peter?Copy !req
246. Nothing. Just all my friends
are eye-humping my wife.Copy !req
247. "You'll never know if you don't know now"Copy !req
248. Wonderful! Wow!Copy !req
249. It was absolutely amazing.Copy !req
250. The second that spotlight hit me,
I became a whole different person!Copy !req
251. Silence, you contemptible shrew!Copy !req
252. I bet your gums are still sore.Copy !req
253. You're so observant, aren't you?
Are you a detective?Copy !req
254. Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!Copy !req
255. I must complete my time machine,
move time forward, and end this agony!Copy !req
256. Hey, Dad.Copy !req
257. Mom says she was really on last night.Copy !req
258. Yeah. About that. Lois, see,
the guys were just being polite.Copy !req
259. They thought your singing was too...Copy !req
260. I was just nervous. Tonight'll be better.Copy !req
261. Tonight? Honey, I don't think
anyone's gonna come back tonight.Copy !req
262. "Gimme, gimme, gimme
what I cry forCopy !req
263. "You know you got the brand of kissesCopy !req
264. "that I die for"Copy !req
265. This one takes me back.Copy !req
266. Now that's a woman!Copy !req
267. That's a house. That's a fish.
That's a bee!Copy !req
268. "You know you made me love you"Copy !req
269. I love you.Copy !req
270. Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen.Copy !req
271. I was born in a little town called Quahog.Copy !req
272. We love you, Lois!Copy !req
273. Let me finish the story, fellas.
You don't want to be up all night.Copy !req
274. Or do you?Copy !req
275. "Or do you?"Copy !req
276. She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?Copy !req
277. Are you a woman?Copy !req
278. No.Copy !req
279. My house arrest is over, Brian.
Round up the guys.Copy !req
280. Now that I'm a free man,
we can do anything we want.Copy !req
281. The guys only want to do one thing.Copy !req
282. And that's ogle your wife.Copy !req
283. If Lois were my woman,
I'd keep an eye on her.Copy !req
284. Then again, I'm the jealous type.Copy !req
285. Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act.
Nice melons.Copy !req
286. Listen, pal—Copy !req
287. Peter, I'm holding melons.Copy !req
288. And her hooters ain't bad either!Copy !req
289. Now hang on a second there!Copy !req
290. Peter, I'm holding hooters.Copy !req
291. Sorry.Copy !req
292. No problem.Copy !req
293. Your wife's hot!Copy !req
294. That's it!
Your singing days are over.Copy !req
295. If I wanted to marry Lola Falana,
I would have.Copy !req
296. Look, Lola. This whole thing
is just going way too fast for me.Copy !req
297. For the last time, I'm not Lola!
I'm Leslie Uggams!Copy !req
298. Peter, having me sing was your idea
in the first place.Copy !req
299. I just wanted to keep my bar.Copy !req
300. I built that thing so my friends...Copy !req
301. would come to see me, not you.Copy !req
302. Is that so? Let me tell you something.Copy !req
303. I love singing!
And I will continue to sing!Copy !req
304. How dare you upset me
this close to showtime!Copy !req
305. Lois.Copy !req
306. Watch where you're going, buddy.Copy !req
307. Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.Copy !req
308. Listen, I don't want any more trouble.Copy !req
309. Thanks to your wife...Copy !req
310. my husband hasn't been home all week!Copy !req
311. That singing hussy is destroying
our marriages!Copy !req
312. Yeah, then do something about it.Copy !req
313. Come to my basement tonight and
drag your husbands out of there.Copy !req
314. Maybe we will.Copy !req
315. Yeah!Copy !req
316. Jeez, fella. Can't you take that outside?Copy !req
317. This next number is dedicated
to my very supportive husband, Peter.Copy !req
318. Hit it!Copy !req
319. "Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply gottaCopy !req
320. "If someone takes a spill
it's me and not youCopy !req
321. "Don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade"Copy !req
322. Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh?Copy !req
323. Yes, your judgment lately
has been rather...Copy !req
324. You have crappy judgment anyway.Copy !req
325. This is intolerable!Copy !req
326. This foolishness is preventing me
from completing work on...Copy !req
327. Egads! The blueprints
for my time machine!Copy !req
328. Those are for my eyes only!Copy !req
329. Thank you.Copy !req
330. Look everyone,
Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.Copy !req
331. No!Copy !req
332. Hold up the picture. Let's see.Copy !req
333. No! Nothing to see here.Copy !req
334. How cute. It's a time machine!Copy !req
335. No! It's a...
Blast, what the devil do children draw?Copy !req
336. It's a pheasant!Copy !req
337. A time machine. Sure.
Here's where the flux capacitor goes.Copy !req
338. I can't wait to build
one of these of my own.Copy !req
339. I'll not stand idly by
while you abrogate my plans.Copy !req
340. You shall rue this day.
Go on! Start ruing!Copy !req
341. Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs
to kiss you good night.Copy !req
342. Burn in hell!Copy !req
343. Hell. Hell has fire.
And you know what else?Copy !req
344. "It's got steam heatCopy !req
345. "I got steam heatCopy !req
346. "But I need your love to keep away
the coldl got—"Copy !req
347. All right, break it up!Copy !req
348. What's going on here?Copy !req
349. Your little peep show is over!
We're taking back our men!Copy !req
350. Peep show? I just do this for fun.
Look, all day long I scrub and cook...Copy !req
351. and take care of my kids.
And nobody cheers.Copy !req
352. No one even says thank you.
But when the band starts playing and...Copy !req
353. the music's flowing through me,
I feel, I don't know, special.Copy !req
354. I guess you all think that's pretty silly.Copy !req
355. Not at all.Copy !req
356. You didn't tell us that part!Copy !req
357. Peter, you're behind all this?Copy !req
358. Yes. And you'll never catch me!Copy !req
359. I bet he also didn't tell you he never
helps me around the house.Copy !req
360. Or takes me out to dinner.
Or notices when I get my hair done.Copy !req
361. - Oh, no, that's just...
- My husband's the same way.Copy !req
362. So's mine.Copy !req
363. Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons.
I'm gonna go grab some ozone.Copy !req
364. Peter! There's a king in the cards!Copy !req
365. They saw my blueprints!
What a grievous breach of security!Copy !req
366. Damn! What do to? Wait for it... Yes!Copy !req
367. Instead of moving time forward
to bypass this wretched teething...Copy !req
368. it might just be possible to reverse
time's heady flow...Copy !req
369. and undo ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.Copy !req
370. - You'll never get away with this!
- Silence!Copy !req
371. Lois, you make it sound
like I don't appreciate you at all.Copy !req
372. Peter, when was the last time
you told me you love me?Copy !req
373. You know I do.Copy !req
374. I want to hear it!Copy !req
375. Is that what this is all about?Copy !req
376. Run for your lives!Copy !req
377. Holy crap!Copy !req
378. Hot!Copy !req
379. There's no way out!Copy !req
380. At last! My time device is complete!
Just one final adjustment. There.Copy !req
381. Now I shall negate ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.Copy !req
382. Blast!Copy !req
383. Jeez. We're screwed! Look, I promise
if we get out of this alive...Copy !req
384. I'm gonna help out around the house
and say "I love you" every day.Copy !req
385. You mean it?Copy !req
386. I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.Copy !req
387. And to think, if I hadn't taken
Chris to his soccer game...Copy !req
388. I never would've learned
this valuable lesson.Copy !req
389. Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...Copy !req
390. and come right home.Copy !req
391. I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!Copy !req
392. All right! You know I spoil you.Copy !req
393. My foot! I can't walk! I guess you'll
have to take Chris yourself.Copy !req
394. - My device! My teeth!
- I'm free! Free!Copy !req
395. I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!Copy !req
396. I think not!Copy !req
397. Bicuspid! We meet again.Copy !req
398. - Have at you!
- En garde!Copy !req
399. Shall we bite the tongue then?Copy !req
400. On three. One, two...Copy !req