Family Guy 19x17

Directed by Jerry Langford

Issac Ryan Brown as Cobain (voice) • Laura Bell Bundy as Miss Laura (voice) • Damien Fahey as Matt (voice) • Rachael MacFarlane as Kate (voice) • Richard Marx as Richard Marx (voice)

Lois and Peter are mistaken for "young parents" by another couple at Stewie's school and invited to live in a millennial apartment complex, leaving Meg and Chris home alone.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Well, here we are.

2. Oh, and if you hear the guys call me "Poopy Thumb,"

3. I-it's just a fun nickname,

4. it's not something that actually happened.

5. Hey, Poopy Thumb.

6. It was Gulden's Spicy Brown Mustard from my sandwich.

7. How many times do I have to say it?

8. Okay.

9. No need to relitigate what four of our peers saw.

10. Hi, everyone.

11. I'm your children's teacher, Miss Laura,

12. and like pretty much everyone in America right now,

13. I'm very high on legalized edible pot.

14. Ha-ha.

15. It's crazy how much your kids look like you.

16. Wha...

17. Peter, pay attention.

18. Sorry, I was having a Fast Times daydream

19. about that tank top mom.

20. Yeah, that's disgusting.

21. How would you like it if she did that to you?

22. I chocked on water

23. and had to get mouth-to-mouth from a guy.

24. Five, four,

25. three, two, one...

26. Yay!

27. All right, that's officially

28. the latest any of us have ever been up.

29. —Oh-ho!

30. A little tired, Stewie?

31. No. I just yawned because somebody else yawned.

32. I could do this all night. You tired?

33. Oh, no. At home, they call me the night...

34. Is Garrick Utley alive?

35. I... I don't know, Peter.

36. Hey, I've been meaning to ask you all night—

37. those vintage pants are amazing, where did you get them?

38. Oh, they were folded neatly on a toilet in the gas station.

39. Hey, you know, we're starting a text chain

40. with some of the other young parents.

41. Young parents?

42. Yeah, new parents like us have to stick together.

43. Yes, we do.

44. Because we're very young.

45. Great. Can we get your number?

46. Sure. We're Lakeside 4-7...

47. He's kidding. We'll hit you with the digits.

48. Great.

49. Oh, my God, Peter, did you hear that?

50. What? I'm chewing celery. I can't hear anything.

51. They think Stewie's our first.

52. Ah! They think we're young.

53. - You're hurting me. - This is our chance.

54. Our chance to break away

55. from the Joes and Bonnies of the world.

56. Our chance to finally make cool friends.

57. Well, I don't know what you're saying, Lois,

58. but that horse is the dumbest horse

59. I have ever seen in my life.

60. It hurt to hear,

61. but deep down, I respected him for saying it.

62. Finally someone had told me the truth.

63. And that boy grew up to have a multiplatinum recording career.

64. Hi, I'm Richard Marx,

65. and I suck at making clay horses,

66. but ask your wife if she cares.

67. Oh, my God, it's from Matt and Kate

68. on that text chain. Uh,

69. "Heading out for 'ritas downtown with the other young parents.

70. Meet in 15?"

71. Oh, Peter, we have to go!

72. Now?

73. Peter, look.

74. The menu doesn't have dollar signs.

75. It just has a number and a period.

76. Ah! I feel like I'm in Brooklyn!

77. Damn it, all the employees are wearing regular clothes,

78. so it's impossible to ask anybody for help.

79. Griffins.

80. Uh, you want to sit at the high-seat low-table,

81. or the low-seat high-table?

82. How about those four old barber chairs

83. around the operating tables from the state insane asylum?

84. Ah, isn't this place great?

85. Amazing.

86. Hi, my name is Isaac. I'll be your server.

87. Have you all eaten with us before?

88. No, but I get how restaurants work.

89. Now, what can I get for you, hon?

90. Well, this is us.

91. Boy, I almost don't want this night to end.

92. - Me either. - Well, I got an idea.

93. You mind if I use your bathroom to do number two?

94. Wow, your place is amazing.

95. A pool, a spa, and all the lights are on dimmers.

96. And a digital thermostat.

97. Oh, my God, it's like we're on a spaceship.

98. Well, there's an open unit if you guys are interested.

99. - Is the toilet a bit better in that one?

100. Actually, it's kind of embarrassing,

101. but the toilet in that one is shaped

102. like a Hungry Hungry Hippo.

103. I don't know, Peter.

104. It just doesn't feel like the responsible thing

105. to abandon Chris and Meg.

106. The polka dot top goes with the white bottoms, too, right?

107. Oh, definitely. Very old Hollywood.

108. Perfect. I mean, I guess they are teenagers.

109. - And helicopter parents, right? - What?

110. Helicopter parents. It's something I read.

111. - Oh. - Now you say it.

112. - Say what?

113. - Helicopter parents. - Exactly.

114. Now, I stocked the freezer with plenty to eat while we're gone.

115. - On the top shelf... - But all I heard was...

116. Not pizza. Not pizza. Not pizza.

117. And finally, this is calamari.

118. This is my placenta. Are you listening?

119. You're gonna want to watch where I point.

120. - Calamari, placenta. - Who died again?

121. Meg, listen to the lies. Nobody died.

122. An aunt of your father's or mine is very ill.

123. And why is Stewie going with you?

124. Stewie loved Uncle Grandpa.

125. Wait, uncle? I thought you said...

126. Helicopter parents. Let's go, Lois.

127. Wow, they're really gone.

128. You know what that means.

129. We can finally crate Brian!

130. He tricked us, and we're still waiting on that lasagna.

131. Chris, that was the trick.

132. Oh.

133. He tricked us!

134. Ah, look, we're in apartment 4G.

135. Like the iPhone.

136. That's stupid, Lois. Don't ever say that again.

137. Hey, how's everything going in there?

138. - Great. We're in apartment 4 - G, like the iPhone.

139. That's so twisted.

140. - Did you make that up? - Yes.

141. You guys get settled, then a few of us are gonna sit

142. by the firepit and say "mid-century modern" a lot,

143. if you want to join.

144. - They like us. - This is it, Peter.

145. We're gonna vape. We're gonna vape!

146. It's causing deaths, but not that many yet.

147. Ugh, I can't believe I ate both Tupperwares of calamari.

148. But I'm still hungry.

149. What do we have left to eat?

150. I'm not gonna say we're out of food,

151. but anything still in the fridge I have made love to.

152. Man, this broom-handle-poked tapioca is delicious.

153. - Chris had sex with that.

154. - Relax, I didn't finish. - Oh.

155. All right, Stewie, you have a playdate

156. with Cobain, Siddhartha and Atticus.

157. And if anyone asks, you have plenty of sunscreen on.

158. - But I don't... - Bye.

159. Hey, I'm Cobain. Want a strawberry Quik?

160. Sure, I want a strawberry, but what's the hurry?

161. - Stewie Griffin, 4 - G, like the iPhone.

162. Ha. I like you. Our deck needed a wild card.

163. Cobain, now that you're my best friend,

164. can I ask you a question?

165. When is nap time?

166. Because it's 2:15, and I'm about to collapse.

167. Oh, we don't take naps.

168. No naps? Well, then, when is bed time?

169. Whenever.

170. My God, when do you grow?

171. - We don't. I'm six. - You're six?

172. - Why are you so small? - I only eat tofu and seaweed.

173. - Nothing in a cage. - You've never had parakeet?

174. No. Have you?

175. No, but it looks really yummy in the cartoons.

176. All right, Peter, we can't look like we don't belong,

177. so when they ask you what you want to drink, just say

178. - "Local. Micro. Brew." - Local. Micro. Brew.

179. Local. Micro. Brew.

180. Hey, Peter, what can I get you to drink?

181. Give us a drop o' sherry, luv.

182. - Peter! I'm-I'm sorry. I mean...

183. Local. Micro. Brew.

184. Hi, we're Lois and Peter in 4G.

185. I really like your green pants.

186. Oh, thanks, I found them folded neatly on a toilet.

187. I-I mean, I... I only buy pants from companies

188. that donate the same pair to a Third World country.

189. Run home with these expired military condoms, Ndugu.

190. Run and make sure they use them.

191. I found Mom and Dad.

192. Wait, what? Where are they?

193. Well, first I need to explain how I found them.

194. Let me start from the beginning.

195. You know how I operate a small Internet company

196. where I buy and sell chlorine, right?

197. - No. What?

198. - Chris' Chlorine? - Chris, I have no idea what...

199. Chris' Chlorine!

200. Stop just yelling that!

201. Well, anyway, my guy at Millennial Village

202. Luxury Apartments was buying extra chlorine this week.

203. Seems they've been finding a lot of loose burger meat

204. in the pool.

205. And who do we know that likes to go swimming

206. with loose burger meat?

207. - Oh, my God, Dad! - Bingo.

208. But more importantly, are you satisfied

209. with your chlorine supplier, Meg?

210. Do you realize that most people don't have

211. a personal relationship with their chlorine dealer?

212. How crazy is that?

213. Chris, we got to go to that apartment building

214. - and bust Mom and Dad.

215. I'm on board, Meg, just got to take this call first.

216. Christopher's Catamarans. Been running a side business.

217. Hello?

218. Aw, wrong number.

219. Anyway, Meg, are you happy

220. with your catamaran supplier?

221. Shouldn't we be confronting our parents right now?

222. I know, it's so crazy how they moved out of the house.

223. But you know what's really crazy?

224. Paying big showroom prices for catamarans.

225. Meg, do you want to pay for someone else's brick and mortar?

226. Or do you want to pay for your own fun

227. and freedom on the waves?

228. - I really think that we should be getting back.

229. Hang on, hang on. I got to get this call.

230. Randy's Screen and Window Supply.

231. That's not another one of my businesses.

232. I run an answering service.

233. Although I'd be remiss if I didn't mention

234. that I am dying to get into the screen and window business.

235. If you have an in, Meg,

236. just anyone in the window game I could take to coffee,

237. you know, and just pick their brains about win...

238. No, Chris. I'm sorry, I don't.

239. Yeah, no, it's cool. Sorry. I'm still here.

240. Windows and Screens Unlimited, we beat any price.

241. So, Griffins,

242. what do you think of our little oasis in Quahog?

243. I like it, but I can't believe

244. we're all going to college next year.

245. Peter, that's too young.

246. I mean, have you gotten a reverse mortgage

247. - like Joe Namath suggests? - Too old.

248. Hey, gang, there's a new couple moving in.

249. Look at that, Lois. We're no longer the new couple.

250. The heat is off.

251. - Oh, my God. - I know.

252. That's the guy from the catamaran commercial.

253. So, you two just moved to the complex?

254. What did you say your names were again?

255. I'm Dylan and this is my wife, Dylan.

256. Oh... same name couple. That's the dream.

257. I have an idea, why don't we all play a board game?

258. Great idea.

259. Have you guys ever played

260. Twilight of Destruction?

261. Wh-What is that? Is that... is that like Sorry!

262. Um, does Sorry! have a 900-sided die

263. and its own language of rules?

264. Oh, we love that game.

265. Yeah, that sounds like fun.

266. Why don't you guys set it up, and we'll get our new friends

267. drinks from the kitchen, huh?

268. What the hell do you guys think you're doing?

269. I could ask you the same question, and I shall.

270. What the hell do you guys think you're doing?

271. I'll tell you what we're doing—

272. having fun for the first time in our lives.

273. And we're not gonna let you ruin that.

274. Well, we're gonna expose you as the old farts you are.

275. Oh, you're gonna expose us?

276. Did you hear that, Peter?

277. Don't care, long as you don't pan

278. no nuggets off me claim.

279. I went way back.

280. Okay, Peter, your turn.

281. Uh...

282. Why are you looking at your navigation chart

283. when we're still at the beginning

284. of the first build phase?

285. You know what I like to do when I play games?

286. Ask people when they were born.

287. Pete, you go first.

288. Oh, that's an easy question. 19...

289. Uh, uh, nine... 90.90.11.

290. I was born on 9/11.

291. Well, what about you guys?

292. You seem like a very happy couple,

293. yet I haven't seen you even kiss yet.

294. This is why I said we should've practiced.

295. I can't kiss at the moment.

296. I have raging HPV in my throat.

297. Compliments of m'lady's Florida sojourn.

298. What a fun Gen Z time we're having.

299. We should take a photo.

300. Lois, why don't you take a photo and AirDrop it to us?

301. Of course, AirDrop.

302. That's easy.

303. Oh, whoops.

304. Dropped my phone.

305. Peter, can you help me pick this up?

306. What the hell is AirDrop? Is that Wi-Fi?

307. - I think it's a medical term for a fart. - Is that the button you hit

308. - on the plane? - I never turn it off on a plane.

309. - How do you ask Siri? - I think you mean "celery."

310. - Hey, celery. - It's definitely Siri.

311. - Yeah, I'm wrong. - Peter, we got to get out of this.

312. I'll-I'll just throw up, everyone will have to leave.

313. - Can you really do that? - Yeah, I taught myself in sixth grade.

314. - I'm gonna do it. - Okay. Okay. I'm in. I'm in.

315. Aw, gee whiz.

316. Aw, sorry, guys. Looks like the party's over.

317. We'll AirDrop another time.

318. Ah, Sunday.

319. Perfect day to dangle my feet in the pool

320. with the other heavier wives.

321. Ah, loose burger meat on a sunny day.

322. This is nice, isn't it, Beverly?

323. Bev? Isn't it?

324. - Uh-huh. - Well, then say it.

325. Uh, you guys, the Dylans just had the best idea.

326. What do you say we all go to Quachella with a Q,

327. Quahog's three-day music festival?

328. Oh, music festival, huh?

329. You think the von Trapps'll stick around

330. to pick up their award this time?

331. I don't know about them, but they're gonna have holograms

332. of Tupac and also Nipsey Hussle, who I'd never heard of

333. and then was told to care immensely about.

334. So, this was the Dylans' idea?

335. Oh, oh, we can't take credit for it.

336. Any young person would've thought of it.

337. Do I have to wear a tuxedo like Frank and Sammy

338. or is that just for the people on stage?

339. Hey, Lois, will you snap a 'gram for us?

340. So, the-the button in the middle?

341. Yeah, portrait mode. Slap on a Hudson filter.

342. The-the big button? Peter?

343. Lois, please, I'm doing my Charles in Charge word find.

344. Now, where are those two Ds for "Buddy"?

345. They-they just left?

346. Huh. Thought you kids didn't take naps.

347. Now you're all just sleeping at the bottom of the pool?

348. Oh, my God!

349. Guys, we're here.

350. Yup, there's the local mosquito and gnat population,

351. anxiously awaiting my arrival.

352. All right, time for a fallen-arch, flip-flop

353. two-mile walk to the gate.

354. Uhp, I got a leaf.

355. Geez, we've been walking for 20 minutes.

356. You guys can tap out any time.

357. I know you both have searing IPA sun headaches.

358. There's ibuprofen in my backpack.

359. Admit you're old, and it's yours.

360. No. Never.

361. We're getting close. I can see the stages.

362. Oh, there's nothing there. That's just a mirage.

363. The porta potties are a mirage, too.

364. Thanks for waiting, guys. I really had to go number one.

365. Oh, my God, what are we doing?

366. Peter just crapped in the parking lot.

367. - We can't do this. - What's wrong?

368. Are you guys not super amped?

369. No! No, we're old!

370. We hate this!

371. - W-Well, this is a surprise. - Oh, shut up.

372. And they're only teenagers, and not cool ones.

373. If you two idiots weren't wearing

374. terrible Warby Parker glasses, you would have seen that.

375. - Oh, my God!

376. Look, we're sorry we lied to you.

377. We thought it would be fun to act like young parents again.

378. But you don't have kids to have fun.

379. You have kids to use as an excuse

380. to never leave the house.

381. Can you guys at least Venmo us for the tickets?

382. I don't know what that is!

383. And that's okay. Ha.

384. Chris, give us the ibuprofen

385. and text the driver to pick us up here.

386. I don't know how to do it.

387. Are we done? Thank God.

388. I'm gonna go get a water at that 7-Eleven over there.

389. Ugh, I ruined my pants.

390. Circle of life.

391. I hated every minute of this.

392. Well, we had quite an adventure, but I think we learned

393. a valuable lesson. Isn't that right, Chris?

394. I don't know. I'd love to stay and talk,

395. but I've got a catamaran client I got to check on.

396. - Uh, what's going on? - Sorry, Chris.

397. There's a hungry new player in the catamaran game.

398. While you were at Quachella, I was building relationships.

399. That's all the catamaran business is, Chris—

400. relationships.

401. Losing my best client like that was a real epiphany for me,

402. and I knew immediately

403. I could give up or I could sneak into a Ramada Inn

404. and wander up to an unguarded podium.

405. I chose the latter.

406. And it has made all the difference!