1. All right. Empty school.
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2. Time to Shining my way
through the halls.
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3. Principal Shepherd, where is everyone?
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4. Principal Shepherd's not here,
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5. Miss Griffin.
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6. Why are you talking like that?
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7. Sorry. That was Tony,
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8. the little boy who lives in my mouth.
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9. Why are you here? It's skip day.
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10. It's skip day? Nobody told me.
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11. She's unpopular and unattractive.
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12. Tony!
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13. Hello? Chris?
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14. Did you know it was skip day?
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15. Mom? Dad?
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16. Hello?
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17. - Mom? Where are you guys?
- Who is this?
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18. It's Meg. Where is everyone?
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19. Well, this can't be Meg.
She's with us here at the pier.
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20. - Who is that?
- Someone who says she's Meg.
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21. Give me that.
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22. Okay, Meg, if this is you,
what's your birthday?
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23. March 23.
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24. I have no idea if that's correct.
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25. Good day, sir.
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26. Sorry about that, everyone.
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27. Now let's get back to the fair
and enjoy our March 23.
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28. The usual, please.
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29. Here ya are...
Ladies' seven on the left,
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30. and men's 11 on the right.
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31. I just need a license.
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32. Thanks.
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33. Oh! And happy birthday!
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34. Yes!
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35. We have not updated those.
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36. Good evening. I'm Tom Tucker.
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37. Coming up, I find even more sand
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38. on my body from a beach toilet
I used a week ago.
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39. But first,
tragedy strikes close to home,
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40. as a car crash near
my apartment claims the life
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41. of a local teen girl.
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42. The victim's identity is being withheld
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43. pending notification of the family.
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44. Hey, buddy.
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45. What brings you around at this
late hour with your uniform on
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46. and your hat held mournfully
against your chest?
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47. Peter, Lois, it pains me above the waist
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48. to tell you that Meg is dead.
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49. - What?
- What are you talking about?
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50. Meg's right here.
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51. You know, it's weird that didn't
happen on the pier all day.
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52. Or when we rented that convertible.
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53. How did this happen?
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54. She got in a car wreck, and
was burned beyond recognition,
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55. and I leveled up on Fortnite
this weekend,
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56. but you probably only care
about the first two things.
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57. Oh, dear God, no!
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58. All we found was Meg's
driver's license at the scene.
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59. It had her Quiznos punch card
stuck to the back.
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60. Your little angel was
one stamp away from a free sub,
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61. which only adds
to this horrific tragedy.
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62. It's actually pretty impressive,
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63. because the card was only issued
three days ago.
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64. Usually one of the guys would
swipe a thing like this,
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65. use it on the way home,
but I snagged it for ya.
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66. Thought Meg's family ought
to be the ones
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67. to enjoy the free sandwich.
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68. Again, I'm very sorry.
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69. Oh, hang on.
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70. Oh, they told the family? Great!
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71. The girl killed near
my apartment was Meg Griffin.
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72. What? I'm not dead!
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73. She was burned beyond recognition
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74. but identified by her driver's license.
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75. 156 pounds.
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76. Yikes.
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77. Wait. Did you give my ID
to the wrong girl?
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78. Sorry. Them shoe spray fumes
made me all goofy in my head.
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79. I'm still sober. This ain't cheatin'!
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80. Oh, this is me being sober!
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81. So I guess I'm dead.
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82. And no one cares.
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83. Again, for those of you
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84. in a new scene: Meg Griffin dead.
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85. Lois, can you believe these seats?
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86. Front row!
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87. I hope the priest pulls me up
on stage and dances with me.
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88. When I was hastily relocated
to this parish a week ago,
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89. the last thing
I thought I'd have to do is
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90. stand before you on such a sad occasion.
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91. A family losing a child is like
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92. a Trivial Pursuit wheel
losing a pie piece.
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93. And you have to keep reminding
everyone playing the game,
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94. "Don't forget. I already got
'Entertainment'." What a pain.
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95. Your first speaker...
Principal Shepherd.
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96. Meg Griffin was an honest man,
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97. a kind man, a man who knew how...
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98. Oh, my stars!
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99. I have nothing.
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100. Kind of feel bad. There's nobody here.
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101. I know. We're not even here.
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102. This was the right decision.
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103. Hey, Chris, I'm super sorry
your sister is dead.
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104. Mwah.
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105. If there's anything
we can do to help you
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106. during your time of need...
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107. - Stamps.
- What?
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108. Stamps. I need stamps.
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109. Okay, you got it.
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110. Wow. Are girls coming on to me
because my sister died?
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111. Cool!
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112. God, I wish it was Joe in that box.
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113. I do, too, Bon.
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114. Oh. Did I say that out loud?
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115. No, but at this point,
I know what you're thinking.
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116. It'll be soon, babe.
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117. Unbelievable.
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118. There's hardly anyone here.
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119. Ugh. Well, that's it.
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120. I'm off to a new town
to start a new life.
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121. Ooh. Sorry.
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122. Don't you know what a rosary
on a doorknob means?
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123. Siri, play "Kiss From a Rose" by Seal.
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124. I hope everyone enjoys tonight's dinner.
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125. It... it was Meg's favorite.
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126. There, there, Lois. Stop your crying.
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127. Stop it.
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128. Please stop. Stop.
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129. Stop it. Stop crying.
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130. Stop crying.
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131. Stop crying. Stop.
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132. Before we eat,
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133. would anyone like
to say something about Meg?
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134. Okay, I feel all of you
looking at me, so here goes.
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135. Meg, wherever you are,
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136. I hope that you're with Bubba,
and I want you to know
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137. that Lieutenant Dan is walking around...
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138. Is this from Forrest Gump?
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139. I miss you, Meg.
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140. Stop it, Brian.
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141. Stop your crying.
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142. Stop it.
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143. Please stop.
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144. Stop. Stop it.
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145. Stop crying. Stop crying.
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146. Stop crying. Stop.
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147. Stewie, is there anything
you'd like to say?
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148. Yeah. We're gonna save a lot
of money on toilet paper.
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149. Ever see her wipe?
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150. She'd wrap up both hands like oven mitts
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151. and act like she was cleaning
out a pot of burnt chili.
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152. Anyway, that's all
I care to say about Meg.
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153. Maybe we should just have
a moment of silence
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154. as we hear the guy down the street
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155. scream at his barking dog.
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156. Damn it, Rufus, shut up!
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157. Will you shut up?
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158. Get in the house! Get in the house!
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159. Hi, new neighbor.
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160. I just thought I'd come by and see
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161. if I could borrow a cup of tampons.
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162. Sure. Just bring 'em back
when you're done. No rush.
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163. - Thanks. My name's not important.
- What's yours?
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164. Um... my name?
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165. My name is...
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166. Hallway.
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167. Natalie Hallway.
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168. Nice to meet you, Natalie.
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169. You want to join us on the roof
and sit under string lights?
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170. That sounds great!
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171. I'll bring my hemorrhoid donut
to sit on.
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172. Great joke, Natalie Hallway!
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173. Yes. It is a joke.
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174. Because Natalie Hallway doesn't need
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175. to sit on a hemorrhoid donut.
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176. To Natalie Hallway, our new friend.
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177. Natalie, sit down.
Tell us about yourself.
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178. Yow...!
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179. What a view!
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180. You know, Stewie, when Meg was little,
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181. we used to love to make
Christmas cookies together.
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182. Are... are those dongs?
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183. My God, from October to January
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184. I don't come up for air.
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185. All those families enjoying
their Christmas dongs.
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186. Could we get some of your
cookies for our wedding?
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187. Get out of here!
This is a family bakery!
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188. I'm a Christian!
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189. In the case of Kent and Bradley
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190. v. Holiday Dongs,
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191. the court rules that you
must give us the recipe.
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192. Oh!
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193. Under court order, Stewie went on
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194. to make baked goods for the gay wedding.
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195. And because of that,
he did not get into heaven,
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196. just like they've always been saying.
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197. Chris, be in my selfie!
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198. I want to make Meg's death about me.
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199. Hey, Chris, I couldn't help but notice
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200. how much attention you're getting.
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201. Want to high-five hug?
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202. Hell yes.
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203. Hang in there, brotha.
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204. I will, brother.
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205. Chris, here are the keys
to the drivers ed car
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206. to use anytime you want.
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207. - Wow, cool.
- See, everyone?
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208. If I were using the drivers ed
car for my real car,
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209. I wouldn't have given him the keys.
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210. That would be a psycho move.
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211. I wouldn't have a ride home.
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212. Chris, if you're heading home,
can I get a ride?
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213. - Yeah!
- Go, Natalie!
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214. Wow, Natalie Hallway,
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215. how did you get so good at bowling?
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216. Oh, I used to play a lot
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217. back in Qua... rea.
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218. Wow, you lived in Korea?
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219. Yep.
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220. When I was with the embassy.
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221. So was that before or after you were
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222. one of the first black women
to do math for NASA?
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223. Yes.
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224. Wow, your parents must be
so proud of you.
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225. Hey, Griffin, I heard you scored
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226. with the girls'
basketball team yesterday.
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227. Yep, 12 points and eight rebounds.
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228. Aw, Griffin, you're the man.
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229. I got an extra orange at lunch.
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230. - You want it?
- Yeah!
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231. Life is pretty sweet.
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232. Hello?
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233. Hey, Chris.
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234. Meg?
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235. Are you alive?
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236. Yes. I'll explain everything.
Can you come meet me?
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237. Okay, still the cemetery?
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238. Alive?
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239. Chris, you already know that part.
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240. Oh, right.
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241. So you suddenly got sick
of your new, great life?
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242. No, Chris.
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243. I can't believe I'm saying this, but...
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244. I missed Mom.
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245. I missed you.
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246. I missed the whole family.
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247. I'm glad you're alive,
but you should know
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248. things are different now.
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249. - Dad finally got a Peloton?
- Yeah.
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250. - Is he using it?
- No.
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251. He mumbled something about the Wi-Fi,
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252. then ate a whole chicken on the couch,
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253. - but there's something else.
- What is it?
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254. Let's talk about it in the van.
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255. Chris?
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256. What are you doing? Let me out!
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257. Sorry, Meg, but I can't
let you come home just yet.
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258. I'm too popular now.
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259. - What's the holdup?
- What?
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260. I slapped the van twice.
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261. Yeah, what was that?
I thought something flew into the van.
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262. No, that's, like, the universal signal
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263. for "move it out."
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264. I never heard that.
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265. And I drive vans all the time.
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266. Well, then how do you know
when it's time to head out?
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267. Somebody yells out
"okay" or "all right."
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268. Every so often it's "yep."
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269. Well, okay, you're good to go.
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270. All right.
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271. Ow! Ow!
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272. What are you doing?
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273. Sorry, I got distracted by all this
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274. whappin' the side of the van business.
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275. Hello? Hello?
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276. Where is everyone?
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277. Damn it, Chris, I don't care
that you're popular now.
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278. Let me out of here!
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279. Well, at least I still have my music.
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280. Siri, play Seals and Croft.
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281. Good morning, students.
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282. We are gathered here
for two reasons today.
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283. One, to mourn the loss of Meg Griffin.
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284. And two, to find the owner
of this X-Men water bottle
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285. someone left in wood shop...
Does anyone recognize it?
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286. - I'll take it!
- That's not what I asked. Anyone?
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287. I'm not gonna tell you
which character's on it,
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288. you have to be able
to tell me the character.
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289. Wolverine!
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290. - Are you guessing?
- Am I right?
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291. All right, we'll handle this after.
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292. But now, here to help you mourn,
an artist who specializes
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293. in sensitive music
to do finger stuff to,
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294. Mr. John Mayer!
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295. It's good to be here.
I love high school!
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296. Who are you? I was born in 2003!
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297. Then I'm probably your father.
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298. Ooh, pwned!
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299. Whoa, looks like the school
really is missing Meg.
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300. Chris, Brian, would you help Peter?
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301. He's one of those "has to be supported
by both elbows" mourners.
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302. I'm gonna need three seats
for my elbow supporters.
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303. Stewie, you look depressed.
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304. You still upset about Meg?
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305. No, it's just this gym is sad.
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306. If you haven't won
a championship since 1982,
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307. just take the banner down.
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308. Well, Meg,
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309. looks like you really
are dead this time.
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310. They say your life flashes
before your eyes when you die.
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311. I wonder what I'll see.
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312. Oh, yeah!
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313. Over!
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314. I'm a tomato.
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315. I'm not in any of these!
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316. Ladies and gentlemen,
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317. Mr. Conway Twitty.
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318. Oh, come on!
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319. I was in the Kingsman fight!
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320. That could've been in there.
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321. I can do stuff.
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322. I-I can be a part of a comedy team!
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323. Look, hey, Chris, who's on first?
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324. A baseball player.
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325. Well, that's it.
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326. I'm gonna show them.
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327. I'm gonna live.
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328. I'm getting out of here.
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329. Now let's see, if I whap my forehead
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330. against this cement floor enough times,
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331. I think I can create a blood luge
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332. to slide myself out on.
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333. This... this
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334. can be in the highlight
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335. video!
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336. Wow, thank you, John Mayer.
Wasn't he terrific?
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337. I think we can all agree
that John is entitled
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338. to take whichever student he
wishes home with him tonight.
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339. And finally, the Quiznos
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340. across the street has graciously
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341. taken out a full page ad in the yearbook
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342. that will feature
a dedication page to Meg.
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343. Quiznos, go ahead and stand up.
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344. Come on, in the back,
you guys have been great.
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345. Oh, my God, oh, my God, everyone!
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346. He's proposing right here!
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347. Right in front of everyone!
Oh, she's so lucky!
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348. Oh, my God!
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349. I'm alive! I'm alive!
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350. Meg!
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351. Those are dark-soled shoes.
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352. She's wearing dark-soled shoes
on the gym floor!
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353. Sneakers only in the gym, guys.
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354. Oh, my God, Meg!
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355. I'm so glad you're alive!
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356. What happened?
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357. He did this!
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358. Are you saying Chris saved your life?
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359. This calls for a celebration.
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360. All right, everyone throw confetti
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361. and ruin the janitor's weekend.
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362. Hey, I'm not gonna make it this weekend.
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363. Oh, but you're gonna miss
the big janitor dance!
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364. This is our last chance to get
laid before Janitor College!
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365. You think I don't know that?
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366. No! Chris kidnapped me
so he could stay popular!
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367. What? Chris would never do that.
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368. Chris?
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369. It's true, Mom.
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370. I owe my sister an apology.
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371. I shouldn't have treated her
the way I did.
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372. And I think if Meg were here today,
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373. she'd be the first one to agree.
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374. I am here!
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375. I'm right here!
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376. Anyway, Meg, wherever you are,
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377. I'm sorry.
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378. Damn it, I'm giving a speech!
I want to tell you...
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379. Very loud chant! Very loud chant!
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380. Very loud chant! Very loud chant!
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381. Oh, my God, Meg,
I'm so glad you're back.
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382. We love you, honey.
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383. I love you, too, Mom.
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384. Yeah, Meg, I'm just really glad
this whole ordeal is over.
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385. Glad this whole ordeal is what?
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386. Over.
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387. Come on!
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388. I'm sorry I faked my own death, Mom.
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389. It's okay, Meg.
Actually, I should've known.
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390. Faking stuff is part of being a woman.
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391. - Really?
- Oh, yeah.
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392. Women fake a lot of things.
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393. You faked your death,
I fake orgasms and being
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394. impressed by my husband's
accomplishments at work.
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395. Hey, Lois, guess who got to erase
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396. the white board in a meeting today?
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397. Oh, my!
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398. I think someone's earned himself
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399. Mama Lois' famous egg salad, huh?
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400. Oh, yum!
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401. Oh, today just keeps getting
better and better!
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402. Dad, I thought you hated
Mom's egg salad.
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403. Chris, part of being a man
is faking things.
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404. Like orgasms or pretending
to like your wife's egg salad.
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405. And anyway, I give it to that
raccoon outside who likes me.
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406. I thought you hated that guy.
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407. Part of being a raccoon
is faking things.
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408. Like orgasms
or pretending to like people
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409. who give you egg salad.
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410. Oh, Peter!
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411. Oh, Lois!
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412. Oh, other raccoon!
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