1. We now return to A Quiet Place,
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2. starring a Jewish family.
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3. I'm finally all caught up
on New Girl,
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4. if you guys want to talk
about that.
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5. I don't think
they're going for it.
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6. Wait.
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7. I kind of like that Schmidt.
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8. You kind of like that Schmidt.
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9. All right, fellas,
I got to get going.
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10. Aw, come on.
I want to get one more beer.
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11. Again! Again, again!
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12. Sorry, Peter, I got
to work early in the morning.
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13. Yeah, I'm out, too.
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14. Aw, crap, I don't have any cash.
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15. Hey, can one of you guys
spot me?
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16. - Just put it on your card.
- I can't.
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17. Lois'll see the charge.
She thinks I'm still at work.
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18. Wa-peesh.
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19. Wha-What is that?
What do you mean?
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20. What do you mean,
like "Wha-pshh"?
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21. - Like that? Like a whip sound?
- Yeah. How did I do it?
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22. Very incorrectly.
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23. You don't have your own card,
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24. one that Lois
doesn't know about?
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25. No. Lois would kill me.
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26. Ooh, what?-what?-what?-peesh.
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27. Indiana James?
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28. Anyone?
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29. 456 Maple Drive, Suite 305.
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30. The "suite" is just a mailbox.
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31. This is where I get
all my credit card bills sent to
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32. and any other mail
Donna would be mad about.
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33. - Like what?
- Knives with gemstones,
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34. fat-butt magazines,
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35. whatever you think Ice-T
would keep in a nightstand.
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36. But really it's
for the credit card bills.
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37. I get some
of my stuff here, too.
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38. Bills, catheters,
residual checks.
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39. - What are the checks for?
- Mostly Seinfeld.
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40. - You were on Seinfeld?
- Yeah, that's right.
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41. Peter, I'm telling you, get
yourself a secret credit card.
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42. - You'll save yourself a lot of stress.
- Thanks, Cleveland.
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43. Ah, this is gonna make my life
so much better.
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44. Like when I used to make
fart balloon animals.
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45. All right. Who's next?
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46. - Can you make me a giraffe?
- Comin' right up.
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47. There you go.
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48. Don't pop that.
You'll throw up.
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49. Oh, where did you find him?
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50. He found me.
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51. Hey, look who it is.
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52. You need us to pay
for your drinks again?
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53. No way.
Guys, you are looking
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54. at the owner
of his own credit card.
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55. All right.
Good for you, Peter.
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56. You gonna pay us back?
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57. Come on, Joe,
I don't interrupt you.
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58. Anyway, they even want me to do
one of Tina Fey's
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59. "look how quirky and busy
I am" credit card commercials.
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60. - Wow, really?
- Yeah.
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61. - Oh, wait.
- I think it's starting.
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62. I hear a piano shuffle
and a clarinet. Taxi!
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63. - Where to?
- Any pet shop that sells snakes.
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64. Somebody puke in here?
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65. Yeah.
Last night some guy...
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66. Hey!
It's you!
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67. Gotta go.
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68. - Hi. Can I help you?
- Can I press the button that moves the clothes?
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69. Sir, that's reserved
for dry cleaners only.
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70. It's like a roller coaster ride
for pants.
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71. - Any calls?
- Your mistress called.
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72. She said she's waiting
at the hotel for you.
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73. Tell her I'll be there
as soon as I can.
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74. She said she's pregnant.
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75. Do you know if that Mexican
doctor takes credit cards?
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76. He does.
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77. If you're scummy and on the go,
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78. try the new Visa Gold Card.
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79. It's everywhere
you want to be.
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80. Hey, Dad, what do you got there?
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81. Chris, I got us lobsters
for dinner.
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82. Cool.
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83. Can... can I kill 'em?
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84. Hmm, let me think.
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85. Of course
you can kill 'em, sport.
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86. - Yay!
- Let's boil up some water.
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87. Package for Peter Griffin.
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88. Ah.
I didn't order anything.
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89. I-I mean, I could have
if I wanted to.
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90. I have a credit card.
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91. All right. Lot of cool people
on this route.
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92. Aah!
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93. Stop! You're hurting him.
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94. No, that's just air escaping.
They can't feel anything.
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95. - Hi. Can I help you?
- Yes. I'd like one of those flashlights
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96. with a vagina in it, please?
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97. Oh, no. O-Okay, okay,
don't panic, everyone.
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98. Oh, he got you, Mom.
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99. I'm surprised this thing still
works after the day we had.
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100. - Meaning I had sex with... I know.
- We get it.
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101. - Ew.
- Five minutes ago,
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102. I had that flashlight
under my chin to look scary.
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103. Peter, are you wearing a costume
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104. from Star Trek VI: The
Undiscovered Country?
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105. Peter, give me the credit card.
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106. How'd you find out?
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107. The UPS guy from earlier?
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108. Sorry, Peter. New rule:
I... I have to report
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109. any adults bragging
about having a credit card.
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110. But... but you said I was cool.
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111. Did you even mean it?
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112. Did you even mean it?
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113. You know what bothers me
even more
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114. than all the money
you put on that credit card?
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115. - Bonnie's new car?
- Oh, I know. What, does she think
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116. she's a teenager?
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117. Wait, no, no.
What's worse is finding out
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118. how much you lie to me.
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119. I found your account online.
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120. Monday night you said
you were working late,
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121. but there's a $62 charge
at The Clam.
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122. So whoever stole my card
is still in town.
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123. You just gave me the card,
dummy.
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124. You said you had to work
last weekend,
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125. then you bought a T-shirt
that says
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126. "Working weekends...
does not compute"
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127. wi Johnny 5 on it.
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128. I wanted to wait, but...
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129. Happy Mother's Day.
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130. You're not gonna weasel
your way out of this.
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131. You want to act
like a child, Peter?
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132. Then I'm gonna treat you
like a child.
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133. You're grounded.
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134. On whose authority?
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135. General Chang.
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136. Hey, Peter.
Lois still mad at you?
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137. Yeah, but she's acting like
everything's fine on Facebook
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138. so she can post pictures
of food.
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139. I mean,
I've done some stupid stuff,
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140. but she's
never grounded me before.
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141. Well, you could just leave
the house if you want.
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142. You are an adult.
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143. Brian, husbands are not adults.
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144. They are people
who pay for things
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145. but are still somehow burdens.
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146. Worst part about it,
I'm gonna miss my Sunday shift
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147. at Clappy's Birthday Restaurant.
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148. We heard someone has a birthday.
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149. H.
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150. A.
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151. P.
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152. P.
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153. T.
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154. E.
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155. Happy birthday, Charlotte.
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156. Excuse me. My table
is celebrating the birthday
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157. of deceased Hawaiian pop singer
Israel Kamakawiwo'ole.
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158. Well, that's why we
call it Clappy's. Let's go.
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159. H.
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160. - Hello?
- Peter.
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161. Peter, you're not gonna believe
whose car just broke down
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162. on Spooner Street.
Tom Brady!
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163. - What?
- Yeah. He's throwing passes
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164. to anyone who's able
to leave his house.
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165. Ah, he's throwing one to Joe.
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166. Oh, my God,
Joe just stood up for a second.
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167. He put that pass
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168. where only a walking person
could catch it.
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169. That's howd is...
his pass made me walk!
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170. And here comes Gisele.
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171. She's giving out
Tag Heuer watches.
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172. Aw. Lois? Can I please go out
and play with Tom Brady?
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173. She's out here.
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174. Tom Brady's taking us all
to see an Anne Hathaway movie.
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175. Oh. Uh...
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176. Oh, no, I'm grounded.
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177. Hey, it's my old
wedding Tucks...
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178. Medicated Pads.
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179. Boy, my butt
sure was like a match
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180. that needed
to be extinguished that day.
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181. Oh, what a day that was.
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182. All the Preparation... H
I used on my fiery ring.
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183. I got to escape.
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184. But how?
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185. Wait a minute, you saw
Shawshank Redemption, Peter.
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186. How did Brooks get out of there?
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187. Aah!
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188. - Hey, possum.
- It's actually o-possum.
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189. O, is it?
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190. What the hell?
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191. Aah. Peter, what are you doing?
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192. I got to get out of here, Brian.
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193. I'm going crazy
sitting around the house.
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194. So you're tunneling out?
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195. Lois is gonna be furious
if she finds out.
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196. That's why Lois
isn't going to find out.
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197. Right, boy?
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198. What are you talking about?
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199. I'm talking about you...
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200. not being... a bad boy.
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201. I'm-I'm not...
I'm not a bad boy.
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202. Then do not say anything
to Lois.
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203. You hear me?
Bad.
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204. Bad dog.
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205. So, we understand each other?
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206. Yeah, I'll be good.
Trust me.
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207. I saw what you did
to that black belt.
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208. I don't care what color
your belt is,
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209. you're a child
and I am stronger than you.
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210. Oh, boo yourself.
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211. Boo yourself. She was the one
strutting around Pizza Hut
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212. with that trophy.
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213. Yeah, who's the Girls' Regional
Youth Karate Champ now, Kelsey?
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214. Huh?
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215. Kelsey?
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216. All right, down in the tunnel.
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217. Time to way-too-easily
make a torch.
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218. Look, our Internet connection.
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219. Mom!
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220. Never mind.
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221. Mom!
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222. Never mind.
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223. Donna!
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224. Bonnie!
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225. I'm not on the Internet.
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226. Some people
in this neighborhood read.
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227. Anyway, it was
a beautiful ceremony.
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228. We laid my Uncle Reggie to rest
with the respect
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229. that he deserved.
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230. Aah!
Uncle Reggie!
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231. I'm sorry we stuffed you
in that Hefty Cinch Sak
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232. and pushed you in the pond.
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233. Relax, guys.
It's just me.
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234. You dug a hole all the way
from your house?
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235. Pretty cool, huh?
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236. Yeah, but what if Lois
notices you're gone?
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237. Trust me, I got it covered.
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238. Peter, there's some salmon
on the stove if you're hungry.
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239. Well, it's what I made.
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240. So, you guys want
to see the tunnel?
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241. - Frick yeah. - Let's go!
- Right behind you.
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242. How 'bout you, Jerome?
You in?
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243. Okay, well, he's busy.
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244. Peter Griffin...
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245. you've been a busy boy.
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246. - What was that?
- Just a cool way to say something.
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247. It wasn't that cool.
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248. All right,
it's pretty neat, Peter,
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249. but we should probably
get out of here.
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250. Yeah, sure.
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251. Unless anyone wants
to see a salamander.
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252. Oh, look at it.
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253. I named him Sally.
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254. Slippy-ass little bug
right there.
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255. Okay, this is pretty cool.
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256. Come on, I'll show you the rest.
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257. Look at these handprints.
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258. Somebody did
the perfect cartwheel.
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259. Actually, Peter,
there's elbow prints
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260. and knee prints
all around this thing.
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261. The perfect cartwheel.
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262. And there's scuffled dirt and
a little bit of blood over here.
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263. Perhaps the ancients
cartwheeled everywhere.
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264. Peter, did you trip on a root
and eat it big-time?
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265. No, I did not.
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266. Uh, hang on. There's a guy
tunneling the other way.
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267. Pretty cramped, huh?
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268. You said it.
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269. Next time,
I pay for business class.
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270. Right?
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271. That guy was in the paper
for hitting his wife.
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272. Peter, are you sure this tunnel
is structurally sound?
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273. Don't worry, guys.
I'll cartwheel back for help.
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274. Aah!
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275. A root.
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276. I ate it big-time.
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277. Look out!
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278. Oh, my God.
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279. The tunnel's completely
collapsed on both sides.
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280. Oh, no.
We're stuck down here.
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281. Hey, guys.
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282. Hey, look, it's the dumb beaver.
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283. You live down here?
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284. Sure do.
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285. Welcome to
my running-out-of-Airbnb.
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286. No, but this is very serious.
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287. Great.
Peter, this is just great.
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288. Because you can't stand up
to your wife, I'm gonna die.
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289. Relax, Quagmire.
Nobody's gonna die.
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290. What do you think happens
when we run out of air, genius?
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291. Air. Right.
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292. You know, I'd only taken
the other three elements
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293. into account.
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294. Earth, wind, fire, water.
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295. Where's air?
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296. Wind is air.
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297. Who's that, Joey Swanson
or Bill Nye the Science Guy?
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298. Peter, can't you dig us
out of here?
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299. No, I left my tools at The Clam.
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300. Uh, what's standard protocol
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301. for when the cops
start looking for us?
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302. Uh, I'm not sure.
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303. I just give out stickers
if kids come to the station.
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304. I guess the only chance we have
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305. is if Brian sells me out
to Lois.
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306. What I wouldn't give to be
with a woman just one more time.
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307. You can go over to that wall,
make yourself a dirt-gina.
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308. - This wall here?
- No, silly.
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309. That wall's a guy.
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310. We now return to Planet Earth,
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311. with its original narrator,
who was let go.
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312. The Earth's oceans are very,
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313. uh... vast?
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314. And, uh, a lot of fish. Yeah.
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315. Couple of whales.
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316. Some flora and fauna.
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317. Both down there in the,
uh, uncharted depths?
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318. Wow, what are those? Sharks?
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319. We've, uh, probably got
a commercial break coming up.
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320. Uh... Oh.
Oh, really?
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321. Four hours, no commercials?
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322. Wow, is that right?
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323. Some penguins over there.
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324. Brian, have you seen Peter?
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325. N-No. Why?
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326. Well, I haven't seen him
all morning.
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327. I'm worried he left the house
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328. and got into some kind
of trouble.
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329. He'll turn up.
I'm sure he's fine.
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330. Phew.
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331. Somethin' on your mind there,
bud?
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332. I'm not a bad boy.
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333. Uh, nobody said you were.
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334. Good.
Because I'm not a bad boy.
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335. I'm a good boy.
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336. How would you like to be
a very good boy?
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337. Tell me how.
Tell me how.
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338. Where's the fat man?
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339. Aw, damn it.
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340. But I promised Peter.
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341. What is it?
What is it, boy?
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342. The fat man dug a tunnel
to go hang out
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343. with Cleveland,
Joe and Quagmire?
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344. We've got to tell someone.
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345. What is it, Stewie?
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346. Daddy went
to a Peter Cetera concert
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347. in Cleveland with Robin Tunney?
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348. Robin Tunney
from The Mentalist slept
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349. with the entire
Cleveland Browns team?
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350. Bad Moms 1 and 2 are available
on most streaming platforms?
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351. Don't-don't do that, Mila.
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352. Not-not on this show.
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353. Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker,
here with a story
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354. that's "anchor out
of the studio" important.
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355. Rescue attempts are underway
to free four men
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356. who have been trapped
in an underground tunnel.
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357. One of the men
is Quahog's own Peter Griffin.
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358. Channel 5 reached out
to his family for comment.
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359. Here's what they had to say.
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360. I'm about to take my laptop
into the bathroom.
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361. I ask that you please respect
my privacy
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362. in this difficult time.
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363. Thank you.
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364. Anyone else
having trouble breathing?
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365. Could just be allergies.
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366. Yeah.
Yeah, you think it's allergies?
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367. You don't think it's because
we're running out of air?
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368. It's hard to say.
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369. I don't know
how severe your allergies are.
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370. - Different people are allergic to different things.
- You are such a moron.
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371. - You know, I hope we do die down here.
- Oh, that's nice.
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372. - So I never have to listen to another word out of your mouth.
- That's a nice thing
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373. to say to a lifelong friend.
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374. Ah. Ah.
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375. I'm gonna kill you, Peter!
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376. All right, calm down.
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377. Let's not use the rest of
our oxygen to kill each other.
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378. So if we're all
gonna die anyway,
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379. what's the worst thing
you guys have ever done?
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380. Okay, I'll go first.
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381. Lois...
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382. once killed a woman.
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383. Seems like a secret about Lois.
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384. Yeah.
But I picked out the woman.
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385. Well, I, uh... I, uh, went
to a Coldplay concert by myself.
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386. What?
That's terrible.
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387. - Why would you do that?
- I like Coldplay!
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388. They were playing in Boston,
so I made the trip.
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389. Great show, I got to say.
Very visual.
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390. It was visual.
I was at that show, too.
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391. What?
You were there?
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392. No, I'm just kidding.
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393. Uh, I like Lil Yachty, man.
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394. I don't know nothin'
about that mess.
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395. But I did go to that show.
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396. Didn't mean to.
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397. I said "Kid 'n Play"
on the phone,
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398. but they didn't understand me,
so I got Coldplay.
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399. One other time
I said "Kid 'n Play"
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400. and I got Cirque du Soleil.
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401. I'm thinking maybe Kid 'n Play
doesn't perform anymore.
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402. What's that sound?
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403. Probably just the movie
in the next theater.
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404. I hope the rest of the tunnel
isn't about to collapse.
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405. Hello? This is the Quahog
Emergency Rescue Team.
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406. We're gonna get you
out of there.
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407. - Yeah! - Oh, fresh air!
- Oh, my God!
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408. - Oh, my God!
- Oh, we're saved!
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409. So, uh, full disclosure,
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410. the last time I did this,
the guy got torn in half.
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411. Probably won't happen again,
but they want me to say it.
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412. We're saved.
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413. Probably saved.
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414. I told them.
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415. All right, whatever we do,
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416. we're not gonna talk
about kissing practice.
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417. - Totally. - No way.
- Oh, no, I wouldn't.
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418. You guys ready to come up?
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419. We've been doing kissing
practice and I'm the best at it.
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420. Yay. The cop.
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421. Okay.
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422. Stop. Stop. I'm stuck.
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423. You're slightly too big
for the hole.
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424. Can you take off your shirt
and come up in just pants?
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425. Is Rebecca the cashier
from Rite Aid there?
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426. She is.
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427. Can you have her turn around?
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428. Gross.
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429. Oh, that's not Rebecca.
That's Gretchen.
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430. That's fine.
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431. Peter?
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432. What the hell
were you thinking?
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433. Peter, the whole reason
you were grounded
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434. was because
you were lying to me.
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435. And then you lied to me
about the tunnel.
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436. Look, I-I'm sorry I lied to you.
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437. I'm sorry
I lied about the credit card.
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438. And I'm sorry
I lied about the tunnel.
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439. I know I was acting stupid,
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440. and I deserved to be grounded.
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441. Peter, I don't want
to have to ground you.
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442. You're my husband.
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443. I just don't want you
to lie to me.
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444. I lie to you
'cause you treat me like a kid.
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445. Act like a man and I'll
stop treating you like a kid.
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446. Look like a kid,
I'll start acting like a man.
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447. - What?
- I'm sorry, Lois.
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448. That's just the tunnel talkin'.
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449. So, Chris, you happy
to have your dad back?
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450. Yeah, you know what, Tom,
I think we're all gonna go home
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451. and charge our laptops
a little longer tonight.
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452. You just never know when
you're gonna run out of juice
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453. and have to use your phone.
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454. You know,
just because we're reporters
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455. doesn't mean
we're devoid of emotion.
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456. Go on and head home
with your family.
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457. Thanks, Tom.
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458. That's a...
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459. that's a very horny kid
right there.
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460. Oh, it's so beautiful here.
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461. Nothing but the best
for my beautiful bride
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462. on her honeymoon.
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463. I'm sorry, sir, the chef said
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464. he can't make
a chocolate chip gumball pizza.
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465. Oh, that's okay.
It's not your fault.
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466. I'll just need
another minute then.
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467. Her.
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468. I'm on it.
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469. I love you so much.
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470. Mwah.
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471. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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