1. Ah, the water park.
Copy !req
2. Happy anniversary, Lois.
Copy !req
3. Everybody meet back
here in six hours.
Copy !req
4. I can't wait to get
everyone else's
Copy !req
5. body water in my mouth.
Copy !req
6. Uh, where's the slide?
Copy !req
7. Just eat this Starburst.
Copy !req
8. Wow, lemons, oranges, cherries.
Copy !req
9. So juicy!
Copy !req
10. I don't think
that was a Starburst.
Copy !req
11. I think that may have
just been acid.
Copy !req
12. Would you like to ride
the Skittles rainbow now?
Copy !req
13. Is it also acid?
Copy !req
14. My friend, I'm an adult
who works at a water park.
Copy !req
15. If I give you something,
it's acid.
Copy !req
16. No going down headfirst,
Copy !req
17. and wait till I
say it's okay.
Copy !req
18. Go. Go. Go.
Copy !req
19. Hey!
Copy !req
20. I'm gaining on you, Brian.
Copy !req
21. Meg, slow down.
You're coming way too fast.
Copy !req
22. Ew, Brian, what happened?
Copy !req
23. I don't know.
Copy !req
24. Hey, idiot,
Copy !req
25. you got to wait
till the guy says go.
Copy !req
26. Excuse me, do you think
you can help me out?
Copy !req
27. Sure, just let me do
an awkward, extremely
Copy !req
28. unattractive pool walk
over to you.
Copy !req
29. Hey, what's up?
Copy !req
30. My top came off
on the slide.
Copy !req
31. I think I may have seen
you put it in your shorts.
Copy !req
32. Okay, well,
here's my shorts.
Copy !req
33. Just fish out
the one that's yours.
Copy !req
34. Thank you so much.
Copy !req
35. I'm Isabella.
Copy !req
36. I'm Chris.
Copy !req
37. Listen, my aunt is
waiting for me,
Copy !req
38. but it was nice
to meet you, Chris.
Copy !req
39. You, too.
Copy !req
40. Enjoy the boobs
of your morning.
Copy !req
41. Afternoon!
Copy !req
42. Enjoy the boobs
of your afternoon.
Copy !req
43. My word, Chris, that girl
was totally into you.
Copy !req
44. You should ask her out.
Copy !req
45. Really? But what
if she says no?
Copy !req
46. Hey, if you want something,
you've got to go for it.
Copy !req
47. Just like the fat man did
when he changed his name.
Copy !req
48. I'm looking for a Peter Ferrari.
Copy !req
49. Obviously, that's me.
Copy !req
50. Yes, there's a soiled pair
of Ferrari underwear
Copy !req
51. in the men's room trash.
Copy !req
52. Who took 'em out of the sink?
Copy !req
53. They were soaking.
Copy !req
54. Sir, I can't park this.
Copy !req
55. There's diarrhea all over
the front seat
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56. of your PT Cruiser.
Copy !req
57. Isabella, listen,
I'm not great at this,
Copy !req
58. but...
Copy !req
59. Told you.
Copy !req
60. Also, I was wondering
if there's any chance
Copy !req
61. you'd maybe want to go
out with me sometime.
Copy !req
62. Oh, Chris, that's sweet,
Copy !req
63. but I don't think you'd
want to go out with me.
Copy !req
64. Why not?
It's just that,
Copy !req
65. well, I have kids.
Copy !req
66. Oh, wow.
And a couple of cuties.
Copy !req
67. We got any teeth coming in?
Copy !req
68. Oh, oh, I think
I feel something.
Copy !req
69. Please, please don't do that.
Copy !req
70. Hey, your aunt is Consuela?
Hi, Consuela.
Copy !req
71. You two know each other?
Oh, yeah.
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72. "Lemon Pledge,"No, no."
All that stuff.
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73. Is time to go.
Copy !req
74. Lemon Pledge, no, no.
Copy !req
75. See?
Copy !req
76. But wait, Isabella,
Copy !req
77. I don't care that you have kids.
Copy !req
78. I'd still like
to go out with you.
Copy !req
79. Wow, that's really
sweet, Chris.
Copy !req
80. Okay, you're on.
Copy !req
81. Here's my number.
Copy !req
82. Oh, boy, I haven't
been this excited
Copy !req
83. since our trip to Philadelphia.
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84. MAN
Ladies and gentlemen,
Copy !req
85. Flight 427 to Philadelphia
has been canceled.
Copy !req
86. Yay!
Copy !req
87. I saw Lady and the Tramp,
so I asked if we could
Copy !req
88. eat spaghetti in the alley,
but they said no,
Copy !req
89. because of all
the homeless masturbation.
Copy !req
90. Oh, I love that movie.
Copy !req
91. Chris, I'm having a really
nice time with you.
Copy !req
92. You are? Listen,
this is probably lame,
Copy !req
93. but I learned a little bit
of your language,
Copy !req
94. and I just wanted to say...
Copy !req
95. What language is that?
Copy !req
96. You're Korean,
are you not?
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97. No, I'm Mexican.
Copy !req
98. Hey, Chris.
Where are you off to?
Copy !req
99. Oh, Isabella's coming by,
Copy !req
100. and we're gonna take
the kids to the park.
Copy !req
101. Wow, you two are spending
a lot of time together.
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102. Uh, are you sure you want
to date a girl
Copy !req
103. who's... had so much experience?
Copy !req
104. What do you mean?
Copy !req
105. Like, maybe she's got
some city miles
Copy !req
106. on her voo-voo.
Copy !req
107. Not to mention
a couple of blowouts.
Copy !req
108. Hey, Bri...
Yup, I heard you.
Copy !req
109. She's talking about
her kids, Chris.
Copy !req
110. Oh, I don't care
about that, Mom.
Copy !req
111. I just want to make sure you're
not getting in over your head.
Copy !req
112. Well, I'm sure someone's
already been in there
Copy !req
113. deeper than that, Lois.
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114. Brian.
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115. Oh, hello, Isabella.
Copy !req
116. Hi, Mrs. Griffin,
Mr. Griffin.
Copy !req
117. Mr. Griffin's up here,
sweetheart.
Copy !req
118. Well, I guess
you two have fun.
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119. Okay, bye.
Copy !req
120. Look, I can see why
you're concerned
Copy !req
121. that Chris' girlfriend has kids,
Copy !req
122. but he's happy, and she seems
like she's into him.
Copy !req
123. Plus, she's... she's hot.
Copy !req
124. Yeah, she is.
Copy !req
125. I bit my lip off.
Copy !req
126. Go away, Mr. Herbert!
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127. It's not me.
I'm in your closet.
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128. Isabella.
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129. Is everything okay?
Copy !req
130. Chris, I just wanted
to say good-bye.
Copy !req
131. Wha-What do you mean?
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132. I found out that I'm
going to be deported.
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133. They're sending me back
to Mexico in the morning.
Copy !req
134. So, in other words,
this could have waited
Copy !req
135. till the morning?
Copy !req
136. I didn't want to leave
without saying good-bye.
Copy !req
137. But they can't
send you away.
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138. There's got to be
something we can do.
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139. Unfortunately, there's not.
Copy !req
140. But don't worry,
I'm planning on
Copy !req
141. getting back into the
country as soon as I can.
Copy !req
142. What are you gonna do,
Copy !req
143. just leave the babies
with Consuela?
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144. I wish I could, but she
works seven days a week,
Copy !req
145. between housekeeping
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146. and being the
new CEO of Yahoo.
Copy !req
147. Maybe we should improve
our business model.
Copy !req
148. No, no.
Copy !req
149. Improve our
original content?
Copy !req
150. No, no.
Copy !req
151. So we have no
corporate identity?
Copy !req
152. We secondary e-mail people use
Copy !req
153. to sign up for porn sites.
Copy !req
154. So, are you taking
your boys back with you?
Copy !req
155. I guess I have no choice.
Copy !req
156. But I hate having to.
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157. The whole reason
I left Mexico
Copy !req
158. was to give them
a better life.
Copy !req
159. Well, I could take them
until you get back.
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160. I mean, I'm no expert
at this sort of thing,
Copy !req
161. but...
Copy !req
162. Wow, you're getting
better at that.
Copy !req
163. But I can't ask you to
take care of my children.
Copy !req
164. Isabella, I want to do this.
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165. Chris, stop.
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166. You would really look
after my kids for me?
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167. Of course I would.
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168. You're a wonderful man,
Chris Griffin.
Copy !req
169. Thank you. Gracias.
Copy !req
170. I'll be back as
soon as I can.
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171. Don't worry, I'm gonna
take good care of you.
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172. I'm gonna call you "Juan,"
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173. and I'm gonna call you "Two."
Copy !req
174. Good, he's been
reading the book.
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175. Uh, Dad, you're reading
the paper upside down.
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176. Wrong again, idiot.
Copy !req
177. Chris, what are you doing
with Isabella's babies?
Copy !req
178. And why are you
holding them that way?
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179. You'll hurt them.
Where's Isabella?
Copy !req
180. She got deported this morning.
Copy !req
181. Deported? A-And she just
left her babies with you?
Copy !req
182. Well, just until
she can come back.
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183. Chris, are you crazy?
Copy !req
184. What makes you think you can
take care of two babies?
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185. I don't know, I've seen
her take care of them.
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186. I see you with Stewie.
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187. Frankly, it doesn't
seem that hard.
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188. You just shattered her world.
Copy !req
189. Shattered.
Copy !req
190. Absolutely not, Chris.
I will not allow this.
Copy !req
191. Look, I made a promise
to Isabella,
Copy !req
192. and I'm gonna keep it.
Copy !req
193. Now, if you'll excuse me,
Copy !req
194. these two need to eat.
Copy !req
195. He bought a breast-feeding book.
Copy !req
196. Someone may want
to pop in on him.
Copy !req
197. There's no way Chris is
gonna be able to take care
Copy !req
198. of two babies.
Copy !req
199. Well, maybe he should
have thought of that
Copy !req
200. before he opened
his slut legs.
Copy !req
201. No, Peter, that's not...
Copy !req
202. Anyway, we got to call
Child Services.
Copy !req
203. Lois, if you do that,
Chris will resent you
Copy !req
204. for the rest of his life.
Copy !req
205. Then what do you
suggest we do?
Copy !req
206. I say you let him try.
Copy !req
207. Trust me, one day
of watching those kids,
Copy !req
208. and he'll want
them out of here.
Copy !req
209. All right, fine.
Copy !req
210. Yes, taking care of kids
is a 24-hour job.
Copy !req
211. Like when I worked
at that all-night diner
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212. from that painting.
Copy !req
213. They kicked me out of
the war for kissing a guy.
Copy !req
214. All right, guys, nothing
but the best for you two,
Copy !req
215. so I got you all-organic,
non-GMO, no-hormone food.
Copy !req
216. That'll be $500.
Copy !req
217. Ah, well, sorry, kids.
Copy !req
218. Looks like we're gonna
go to Jersey Mike's
Copy !req
219. and hope that future
science will save us.
Copy !req
220. Yay, we're jar people!
Copy !req
221. Ah! Science, help!
Copy !req
222. Jersey Mike's.
Copy !req
223. Bring your girlfriend
with the fat ass in here.
Copy !req
224. Hey, guys, how
about a little TV?
Copy !req
225. We can watch a baby
thing together.
Copy !req
226. Baby Einstein,
Muppet Babies.
Copy !req
227. Uh, what's CSI: Babies?
Copy !req
228. What's this?
Copy !req
229. They can't solve this crime,
they're just frightened babies.
Copy !req
230. They don't even know
it's a crime,
Copy !req
231. they just know
their parents aren't there.
Copy !req
232. They're scared, now I'm scared.
Turn this off!
Copy !req
233. Aah, that's not what I want!
Copy !req
234. Aah, I'm gonna go hide
in my couch fort!
Copy !req
235. Is CSI: Babies
over yet?
Copy !req
236. Oh, hello, Consuela.
Copy !req
237. You must be here
for the twins.
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238. No, no take babies.
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239. I have good news
and ay, ay, ay news.
Copy !req
240. Okay, give us the
ay, ay, ay news first.
Copy !req
241. Isabella no can
come back.
Copy !req
242. Stuck in Mexico.
Copy !req
243. The babies,
they stay here.
Copy !req
244. What?
Copy !req
245. What's the good news?
Copy !req
246. Good news is bus get
new wiper blades.
Copy !req
247. No more
"ee-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa."
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248. "Ee-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa."
Copy !req
249. Well, these kids
are not staying here.
Copy !req
250. You got to take them.
Copy !req
251. How can I
take them...
Copy !req
252. when I was
never here?
Copy !req
253. Wow, she's like the
Mexican David Blaine.
Copy !req
254. Wait, is David
Blaine Mexican?
Copy !req
255. He's something.
Copy !req
256. Peter, forget that.
Copy !req
257. What are we gonna do?
Copy !req
258. Chris can't just be stuck
with these babies.
Copy !req
259. Why not?
Copy !req
260. I'm doing a great job.
Copy !req
261. I love Isabella
and I love her kids.
Copy !req
262. Chris, you're living
in a dreamland.
Copy !req
263. How are you gonna
support two babies?
Copy !req
264. I could just take some time off
school and get a job.
Copy !req
265. No, absolutely not.
Copy !req
266. Well, now-now hold on,
Lois, hold on,
Copy !req
267. maybe Chris getting a job's
not the worst idea.
Copy !req
268. I mean, I made
pretty good money
Copy !req
269. when I hosted that
confusing game show.
Copy !req
270. All right, Phil, come stand
by me, it's Ashley's turn.
Copy !req
271. Ashley, go ahead, pick an
answer, find a question,
Copy !req
272. spin the table, and remember,
the clock is ticking backwards.
Copy !req
273. I'll pass?
Copy !req
274. Congrats, you win.
Copy !req
275. Sorry to
see you go.
Copy !req
276. And, Phil, we'll
see you tomorrow.
Copy !req
277. Well, that's all
the time we have.
Copy !req
278. For those of you
playing at home, why?
Copy !req
279. And how?
Copy !req
280. Audience?
Copy !req
281. Why... and... how!
Copy !req
282. Stop that!
Copy !req
283. Forget it, I will not
allow you to drop out of school.
Copy !req
284. If Isabella can't get here
to take her kids back,
Copy !req
285. we'll just have
to bring them to her.
Copy !req
286. What?
What do you mean?
Copy !req
287. I mean we're
going to Mexico
Copy !req
288. so we can give these kids
back to their mother.
Copy !req
289. Peter, back
me up here.
Copy !req
290. Look how winded he is
from doing that one spin.
Copy !req
291. Your mother's right, Chris.
Copy !req
292. We're going to Mexico.
Copy !req
293. Oh.
Copy !req
294. I got to sit.
Copy !req
295. All right, we're off to Mexico.
Copy !req
296. If you kids are good,
we'll bring you back
Copy !req
297. a tangled marionette.
Copy !req
298. Is it gonna be a
long trip, Dad?
Copy !req
299. No, not too bad.
Copy !req
300. Especially since we're gonna do
it to the wrong stock footage.
Copy !req
301. Boy, what a trip.
Copy !req
302. Chris, are you sure
this is Isabella's village?
Copy !req
303. This place looks pretty rough.
Copy !req
304. Yeah, this is it.
Copy !req
305. Santa Terrible.
Copy !req
306. Look, there
she is!
Copy !req
307. Chris!
Copy !req
308. What in the Mind of Mencia
are you doing here?
Copy !req
309. My babies!
Copy !req
310. Isabella, I missed
you so much.
Copy !req
311. Ay, Chris, I missed you, too.
Copy !req
312. Look, Isabella, you shouldn't be
separated from your children,
Copy !req
313. so we've brought them to you.
Copy !req
314. We wish you all the best.
Copy !req
315. Say good-bye, Chris.
Copy !req
316. Mom, we can't just
leave them here.
Copy !req
317. This is no place for
Isabella to raise a family.
Copy !req
318. Oh, you're right, Chris.
Copy !req
319. I didn't want you to have to
raise those babies yourself.
Copy !req
320. But as a mom, I don't know
if I can in good conscience
Copy !req
321. leave this family here.
Copy !req
322. We'll just have to smuggle
her and her babies back in.
Copy !req
323. Well, no one's better at
smuggling than El Chapo.
Copy !req
324. Maybe he can help us.
Copy !req
325. How are you gonna get
El Chapo to help?
Copy !req
326. It's easy.
Copy !req
327. All you got to do is say
"dyed black eyebrows"
Copy !req
328. into the wind,
and he appears.
Copy !req
329. Dyed black eyebrows.
Copy !req
330. Can I help you?
Copy !req
331. Peter Gallagher?
Copy !req
332. Maybe I can help.
Copy !req
333. Mark Cuban?
Copy !req
334. Oh, we're getting all
the wrong eyebrow guys.
Copy !req
335. Mrs. Griffin, you
would take the risk
Copy !req
336. of smuggling me and my
children across the border?
Copy !req
337. But you could
be arrested.
Copy !req
338. I realize that,
but you have just as much right
Copy !req
339. to a decent life for your
children as anyone else.
Copy !req
340. Now we just need a plan.
Copy !req
341. All right,
what if we...
Copy !req
342. run!
Copy !req
343. Damn it, Peter!
Copy !req
344. What about Quagmire?
Copy !req
345. He could probably get
his hands on a plane.
Copy !req
346. Lois, that's actually
a great idea.
Copy !req
347. "Actually"?
Copy !req
348. W-Why are you
saying it like that?
Copy !req
349. And Quagmire owes me
a favor anyway, remember?
Copy !req
350. Last time he went out of town,
I sat on his eggs for him.
Copy !req
351. Peter, it's time for lunch.
Copy !req
352. Sorry, Lois, can't leave the
eggs till Quagmire gets back.
Copy !req
353. We're having
sloppy joes.
Copy !req
354. Well, I guess I haven't seen
that mongoose in a while.
Copy !req
355. We're having
sloppy joes.
Copy !req
356. Yeah, I heard.
Copy !req
357. Please say you got
the onion bun...
Copy !req
358. We're having sloppy joes.
Copy !req
359. Mongoose!
Copy !req
360. Mongeese!
Copy !req
361. Hey, just a heads-up, my
dad's friend, Mr. Quagmire,
Copy !req
362. is gonna say a lot
of stuff to you,
Copy !req
363. and it's all gonna
be disgusting.
Copy !req
364. Hey, you must
be Isabella.
Copy !req
365. I came as soon as
I heard about you.
Copy !req
366. And then I got
on my plane.
Copy !req
367. All right.
Copy !req
368. Hold it right there!
Copy !req
369. Uh-oh.
Somebody's coming.
Copy !req
370. N-Now, hold on, hold on.
Copy !req
371. I put my business card in
a fishbowl at an El Torito.
Copy !req
372. This could be about that.
Copy !req
373. Policía!
Copy !req
374. Put your hands up!
Copy !req
375. Is this about the raffle
for the free lunch?
Copy !req
376. Does it have to be during
the week, because I...
Copy !req
377. Aah!
Copy !req
378. Wait a second, are
we being arrested?
Copy !req
379. We've done
nothing wrong.
Copy !req
380. We're not
arresting you.
Copy !req
381. We're taking
your plane.
Copy !req
382. And, Javier, get their
keys and take their SUV.
Copy !req
383. Ah, that stupid,
fat guido.
Copy !req
384. No, Peter, that's the
wrong racial slur.
Copy !req
385. No, I know, I was just
thinking about Snooki.
Copy !req
386. Boy, I can't believe there'd
be corrupt cops in Mexico.
Copy !req
387. Yeah, Donald Trump
was right:
Copy !req
388. his daughter is
a hot piece of ass.
Copy !req
389. Uh, you guys, don't panic,
Copy !req
390. but there's a couple
of coyotes over there.
Copy !req
391. Oh, like Coyote Ugly
with Piper Perabo.
Copy !req
392. Peh— i-is that it?
Copy !req
393. Peh-Peh-ree—
Peh-ree-bow?
Copy !req
394. Peh-Pera—
Pera-Pera-boo?
Copy !req
395. Pera-boo?
Say it with me.
Copy !req
396. Per-Per-a-bow.
Copy !req
397. Is that right?
Copy !req
398. It's weird,
but you remember.
Copy !req
399. You know?
I guess...
Copy !req
400. I guess that's
the point.
Copy !req
401. Do you think she's
set for life?
Copy !req
402. Peter, we're about to die!
Copy !req
403. No, my babies!
Copy !req
404. Get out of here!
Copy !req
405. You leave them alone!
Copy !req
406. Ow!
Copy !req
407. Ah! Chris!
Copy !req
408. You guys, I've been bit!
Copy !req
409. And it got away with
my friendship bracelet.
Copy !req
410. You are a boy.
Copy !req
411. Chris, you saved
my babies.
Copy !req
412. Oh, my God, Peter,
we did nothing.
Copy !req
413. We're his parents
and we did nothing.
Copy !req
414. I know, but, wow,
Copy !req
415. did you see how Chris
took care of those kids?
Copy !req
416. Up till now, the only thing
he could take care of
Copy !req
417. was my traffic tickets.
Copy !req
418. Name?
Uh, Peter Griffin.
Copy !req
419. Peter Griffin's
here to surrender
Copy !req
420. for his vehicular
manslaughter.
Copy !req
421. What? No.
Copy !req
422. I'm a good boy!
Copy !req
423. He is a good boy.
Copy !req
424. Oh, this is awful.
Copy !req
425. Chris is injured,
Copy !req
426. and we're completely out
of food and water.
I know.
Copy !req
427. I'm so thirsty, I'd be willing
to drink anyone's pee.
Copy !req
428. Not-Not yours,
Chris or Peter.
Copy !req
429. But, you know,
you know, anyone.
Copy !req
430. Mom, Dad, thanks
for trying to help.
Copy !req
431. You know, I just wanted
to do the right thing,
Copy !req
432. but now we're
all gonna die.
Copy !req
433. Did-Did you gals
hear my pee thing?
Copy !req
434. Time for clean getaway.
Copy !req
435. Consuela?
¿Tía?
Copy !req
436. Ay, thank God.
Copy !req
437. How did you find us?
Copy !req
438. Babies' earring
have chip.
Copy !req
439. Oh, well,
this is great.
Copy !req
440. Can you help us
get to the border?
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441. Oh, you already
in United States.
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442. We are?
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443. Yes, this Texas.
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444. What?
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445. S-So, wait, so we walked
right across the border
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446. and didn't
even know it?
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447. That is a problem.
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448. Right?
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449. I mean, politics aside,
we can all agree,
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450. that is a problem.
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451. Thanks for the ride,
Consuela.
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452. And thanks for talking us on
that little detour to Dollywood.
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453. Was I right,
or was I right?
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454. Yep, totally worth
the extra two days.
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455. Look, Chris, I owe
you an apology.
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456. I didn't
believe in you.
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457. I was wrong to say you couldn't
handle the responsibility
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458. of taking care
of two kids.
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459. Y-You risked your life
for those babies.
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460. Well, I didn't want
them to get hurt.
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461. That's right.
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462. Because you care about them,
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463. just like you care
about Isabella.
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464. And if you want
to continue to date her
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465. and be a part
of those kids' lives,
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466. I'd be just fine with that.
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467. Are you kidding?
Screw that.
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468. Looking after babies
is a nightmare.
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469. Oh, you have
no idea.
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470. You know how many times
I had you kids in the oven,
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471. just daring myself
to turn it on?
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472. Well, thanks for trusting me
to figure it out for myself.
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473. I love you, Mom.
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474. I love you, too,
sweetheart.
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475. Isabella, being with you
has been really great.
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476. But I think I realized
my mom was right.
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477. I'm too young to be taking on
this much responsibility.
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478. I understand.
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479. But I know someday you will
make an incredible father.
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480. Good-bye, Chris.
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481. Good-bye, Isabella.
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482. Chris, time for dinner.
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483. We're having
sloppy joes.
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484. Oh, boy!
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485. We're having sloppy joes.
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486. Yeah, I heard you.
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487. Oh, dear God.
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488. Oh, they're all dead.
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489. No, please, no!
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490. We're having sloppy joes.
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491. We're having sloppy joes.
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492. We're having sloppy joes.
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493. Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
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