Family Guy 14x15

Directed by Joe Vaux

Glenn Close as Glenn Close (voice) • Breckin Meyer as (voice) • Adam West as Adam West (voice) • Ava Acres as Girl (voice)

When Stewie refuses to sleep in his own bed because of nightmares, Peter can’t stand it, so he goes to sleep in the attic. Peter turns the attic into a man cave and all of the guys begin hanging out there, which makes Lois incredibly angry. Meanwhile, Brian helps Stewie overcome his fears by building a device to go into his nightmares and defeat his demons.

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Subtitle languages: English • Spanish • Brazilian Portuguese

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1. Okay, who'd like

2. to start us off

3. with show-and-tell?

4. Stewie?

5. Yes, today I brought in

6. my mother's driver's license.

7. Now, if you look closely,

8. she's clearly drunk.

9. You could put a breathalyzer

10. up to that photo

11. and she'd get a DUI.

12. Ha-ha, Stewie's naked!

13. What?

14. Oh, my God!

15. Don't look! Don't look!

16. Cell phones down!

17. Cell phones down!

18. Ah! What the deuce?

19. Stewie!

20. Run from the monster.

21. You might have to drive.

22. Thank you all so much

23. for coming this evening

24. to my very fancy dinner party.

25. Oh, my God!

26. I'm at Glenn Close's house!

27. You look

28. very handsome tonight,

29. Stewie.

30. Well, thank you.

31. And you're the prettiest

32. of all the women I know

33. whose name is Glenn.

34. Everyone, please

35. finish your salads,

36. because our main course

37. tonight is

38. boiled rabbit.

39. I don't...

40. I don't get that.

41. It seems weird

42. that I'd have a joke

43. in my own dream

44. that I don't get.

45. Oh, thank you so... Ah!

46. Quick, you're almost on!

47. What? I'm on?

48. But I don't know

49. any of my lines!

50. that all you see

51. and sex on TV

52. good old-fashioned values

53. positively can do

54. What the hell?

55. Put him on the bench.

56. Wait, please, no!

57. I just wasn't ready!

58. Don't worry.

59. We'll put you in soon.

60. Is funny because

61. you won't be back!

62. Ah!

63. Wait, how did Joe get

64. halfway up those stairs?

65. Lois, get in here!

66. It's dark

67. and I'm frightened!

68. I think they've got

69. this thing backwards.

70. Hey, wake up.

71. I had a bad dream,

72. so now your night

73. has to be terrible.

74. Peter, Stewie's upset.

75. Scooch over so he

76. can sleep with us.

77. Come on. Are you serious?

78. Last time,

79. he kicked me all night.

80. And I got a big day tomorrow.

81. I got two shows.

82. All right, folks,

83. big treat for you today.

84. He's a little shy.

85. Put your hands

86. together for Sham-Peter!

87. I'm not shy. I'm angry.

88. I'm in constant pain.

89. This act has been condemned

90. by over 30 nations.

91. I'm gonna kill you all.

92. Crap. I can't sleep

93. like this. And now

94. my mind is racing.

95. Like, how does that candle

96. in Beauty and the Beast

97. sing so good?

98. I mean, the teapot I get,

99. 'cause she's a girl.

100. But the candle, I don't...

101. Oh, he's French.

102. That's why.

103. Couch it is, I guess.

104. Oh, my God.

105. The couch is gone.

106. Where the hell is...

107. Oh, that's right.

108. Couchella is this weekend.

109. Hey, man,

110. where you been?

111. I just had sex with

112. a girl on her period!

113. Dude, that's not a brag!

114. So, how fat are you?

115. Two hundred and forty, nice.

116. Oh, Peter!

117. What are you

118. doing down here?

119. Oh, hey, Brian.

120. Stewie kind of

121. took over our bed,

122. so I'm looking for

123. a place to sleep.

124. Well, why don't you

125. go up to the attic?

126. I think there's

127. even a futon up there.

128. Ah. That's a great idea.

129. Geez, I'm glad

130. you came along.

131. I'm gonna sleep better

132. than a cartoon sheriff.

133. I was in jail,

134. 'cause I killed

135. a bunch of old ladies.

136. And now that I'm out,

137. I'm gonna do it again.

138. Wow, Stewie,

139. you look exhausted.

140. Yeah, 'cause I was up

141. super-late last night

142. beefing your mom.

143. My mom's dead.

144. Yeah, 'cause

145. I beefed her to death.

146. Whoa! What's

147. your problem?

148. Why are you

149. being such a jerk?

150. I'm sorry, Brian.

151. I had the absolute

152. worst night.

153. I had a weird dream.

154. A frightening dream.

155. Yeah, Stewie,

156. that's called

157. a nightmare.

158. Sounds like you

159. must've had your first one.

160. That's what

161. a nightmare is?

162. I thought

163. "nightmare"

164. meant, like,

165. being invited to

166. an apartment party.

167. Get a house if you

168. want to have a party.

169. I'm not going to

170. a party in an apartment.

171. Relax, it's no big deal.

172. People have nightmares

173. all the time.

174. Oh, no, Brian.

175. I am not living through

176. that horror again.

177. In fact, I've decided

178. that from this day forward,

179. I shall never allow myself

180. to fall asleep again.

181. Come on, that's ridiculous.

182. How do you think

183. you're gonna do that?

184. I don't know.

185. Maybe I'll get a job

186. working the night shift

187. at a supermarket.

188. Hey, where's

189. the vegetable aisle?

190. Yeah, right, it's 2:00 a.m.

191. You're not here

192. for vegetables.

193. Well, I got

194. the 12 cucumbers.

195. What's wrong?

196. Just this guy at the...

197. Oh. Never mind.

198. Peter, we have a hamper.

199. Stop throwing

200. your dirty clothes

201. in the toilet.

202. Peter?

203. Peter, where are you?

204. What's all this?

205. Oh, hey, Lois.

206. Welcome to

207. the Pete Pad,

208. where the dancing's hot,

209. the drinks are hot.

210. Everything's

211. just freaking hot.

212. What have you

213. done to the attic?

214. Well, when I slept up

215. here the other night,

216. I realized what

217. a great space it is.

218. So I dragged up some

219. stuff and turned it

220. into a sweet hangout.

221. Even made it extra

222. awesome by stealing

223. a real street sign.

224. I don't understand.

225. What are you gonna

226. do up here?

227. Eh, mostly just burn

228. the roof of my mouth

229. on unevenly heated

230. microwave burritos.

231. Now I'm busy,

232. so close the floor

233. and get out of here.

234. All right, all right,

235. come on, Stewie.

236. You've got to stay awake.

237. I know what'll help.

238. I'll watch that

239. preview channel

240. that always has

241. inconsistent volumes.

242. They're mother and daughter

243. but also best friends.

244. Catch Gilmore Girls

245. on Channel 367.

246. You can name your

247. own price for hotel rooms!

248. Help! Please!

249. Argh. Damn it!

250. Why can't I move?

251. Ah!

252. Stewie, you okay?

253. What happened?

254. I was just sitting

255. here on the couch,

256. and I had another nightmare

257. about that horrible monster.

258. Okay, that's it.

259. I'm gonna help you

260. get these nightmares

261. under control.

262. Really?

263. Oh, thank you, Brian.

264. And maybe I can

265. help you control

266. your strange obsession

267. with eating pencil erasers.

268. It's not an obsession.

269. Oh, yeah. So rubbery.

270. Mmm. It's like

271. a little steak. Mmm.

272. Brian, you really should...

273. The world is small

274. and safe when I do this!

275. Okay, Stewie,

276. I read the review of

277. a dream book on Amazon,

278. so I think

279. I can help you.

280. Literally every other tab

281. is open to Lusty Matures.

282. Yeah, that's what

283. it takes now.

284. Anyway, it says here

285. that most nightmares

286. are born of

287. subconscious fears.

288. So, maybe if we make

289. a list of the things

290. you're most afraid of,

291. we can face and conquer

292. these fears together,

293. and then your

294. nightmares will end.

295. Oh. That's actually

296. a good idea.

297. Like the US Army Reserves.

298. We're completely surrounded.

299. We need reinforcements.

300. You know who could

301. really bail us out?

302. Somebody who works

303. five days a week

304. at Enterprise

305. Rent-A-Car.

306. These new digs of yours

307. are pretty great, Peter.

308. Hey, I brought

309. construction paper

310. and markers

311. in case you guys

312. want to draw breasts.

313. Cool. But before that,

314. who's up for

315. another insulation fight?

316. I'm in!

317. Heck yeah!

318. Got you!

319. Missed me!

320. What are you

321. doing up here?

322. I need you

323. to take the trash out.

324. You know what?

325. I'm gonna use this

326. "Peter Doesn't Have

327. to Take Out the Trash"

328. coupon that I got

329. for my anniversary.

330. You gave that

331. to yourself.

332. I don't know,

333. it says "official."

334. Ugh, forget it,

335. I'll do it myself.

336. This whole

337. attic business

338. is ridiculous.

339. Hey, guys, check it out.

340. I'm a lady.

341. Joe...

342. You hit a home run

343. with that,

344. I wanna try it.

345. All right, Stewie,

346. time to tackle your fears.

347. Now, it sounds like

348. you're scared of monsters.

349. So to help you get over it,

350. here's Frankenstein.

351. I'm Frankenstein.

352. I'm actually really nice.

353. There's no need

354. to be scared of me.

355. Seriously?

356. This is obviously

357. Chris in a costume.

358. Huh. Well, that

359. can't be possible.

360. Because here comes

361. Chris walking in

362. the door right now.

363. Hey, hey, hey.

364. Here comes

365. Chris Griffin,

366. a-root-aly-toot-toot.

367. Yeah, okay,

368. whatever, Meg.

369. "Meg"? You must be

370. talking about me,

371. a-root-aly-toot-toot.

372. Do they all say

373. "a-root-aly-toot-toot"?

374. A lot of them, yeah.

375. Brian, I'm ready to

376. face my next fear!

377. Okay, I'll be right up.

378. Just give me a minute.

379. Stewie! What the hell

380. did you do?

381. I opened my closet

382. and there was

383. an evil clown in there,

384. so I killed him.

385. Oh, my God!

386. He wasn't evil.

387. He was just a guy

388. I hired from

389. the party store

390. to help you get over

391. your fear of clowns.

392. We gotta get

393. rid of his body.

394. Wait. Why?

395. Well, somebody

396. might come around

397. looking for him.

398. Yeah? Who?

399. The hot chick

400. who dates

401. the birthday clown?

402. His parents who are

403. so proud of their son,

404. the birthday clown?

405. Yeah, I suppose

406. you're right.

407. Hello?

408. Hi, this is Supercuts.

409. I think you left

410. your Game Boy here.

411. How did you

412. get this number?

413. You live in

414. the apartment

415. right above us.

416. Oh, then I guess just

417. give it to my roommate.

418. Which one?

419. Oh, God.

420. Chris, I'm putting together

421. a load of laundry.

422. You got anything?

423. Yeah!

424. Yeah!

425. Damn it, Peter.

426. Are you guys

427. playing lawn darts

428. in the attic again?

429. No.

430. Yay! Lawn darts!

431. Peter wins lawn darts.

432. She's dumb.

433. She got no idea.

434. Ugh.

435. All right, Peter,

436. that's enough.

437. It is time

438. to get out of...

439. What the hell?

440. Oh, yeah, we put Joe

441. in Stewie's old Jolly Jumper.

442. You told me this was

443. a paratrooper's harness.

444. Shut up, baby man.

445. That's it.

446. This is our home,

447. not some frat house

448. for you and your friends.

449. Now, I want you

450. out of this attic now.

451. No way, we ain't leaving.

452. We're having too

453. much fun up here.

454. Quagmire just showed us

455. his Eric McCormack impression.

456. There could be

457. no such thing.

458. Well, that's what I said,

459. but then he did it,

460. and I was like,

461. "All right,

462. okay, yeah, kind of."

463. Fine. You like

464. the damn attic so much?

465. Then enjoy the attic!

466. Did she just

467. lock us in here?

468. It looks like it.

469. Guys, spin me back.

470. I didn't see what happened.

471. So, how'd it go last night?

472. Did we cure

473. your nightmares?

474. No, not at all.

475. They were worse

476. than ever.

477. Which is why I built this.

478. What the hell is that?

479. It's a Digital

480. Dream Interface.

481. You see, once connected

482. to this device,

483. you will be able to

484. enter my sleeping mind,

485. where you will end

486. these horrible dreams

487. once and for all.

488. I'm gonna do what?

489. What does he want?

490. What is he saying?

491. I think he's saying

492. "a-root-aly-toot-toot."

493. We just can't understand

494. him because of

495. the way he talks.

496. No, no, I think he

497. just needs a ride home.

498. Stewie, you can't be

499. serious.

500. Oh, I'm very serious.

501. You and I will

502. place these cranial

503. impulse receptor

504. caps on our heads,

505. I shall begin

506. my slumber, and...

507. And then this thing

508. will actually allow me

509. to enter your dream?

510. That's right, Brian.

511. I want you to

512. come inside me

513. while I'm asleep.

514. Don't...

515. Don't say it like that.

516. And once you're in

517. my dream, your job is to

518. stop these nightmares

519. by finding that monster

520. and killing him.

521. This isn't a job

522. for the meek, Brian.

523. When you get in there,

524. you've got to be hard.

525. Okay, but that

526. felt intentional.

527. All right,

528. let's get to it.

529. This is your

530. receptor cap.

531. Over here is

532. your REM monitor.

533. What's this thing do?

534. Oh, that's just

535. a little bike

536. bell for fun.

537. I found it at

538. the crosswalk where

539. those kids got

540. creamed the other day.

541. Anyway, let's get started.

542. Hello? Stewie?

543. Ah, you must be Brian.

544. I'm Glenn.

545. Yes, I know.

546. You were very mean

547. in 101 Dalmatians.

548. Thank you.

549. Would you like to

550. do the Bristol Stomp?

551. are sharp as a pistol

552. How does he even

553. know this?

554. He heard it once

555. in the car.

556. Jeez, Lois is

557. really serious.

558. I can't believe she

559. left us up here all night.

560. Damn it,

561. we got to

562. do something.

563. Maybe if we just

564. scream for help

565. someone will hear us.

566. Help! Help!

567. Help!

568. In case of a bear attack,

569. you should,

570. A, lie down, B, run downhill,

571. or, C, stand your ground?

572. And just because

573. of the roles I play,

574. people always assume

575. I'm very serious

576. in real life.

577. Yeah, I could see that.

578. But I'm not.

579. I'm very capable

580. of being silly, too.

581. See, watch,

582. I'll show you.

583. Fart.

584. I...

585. Did you just

586. say "fart"?

587. Yes, that's me

588. being rather silly.

589. Well, hello, Brian.

590. I say, what

591. brings you here?

592. Stewie, hey!

593. I'm here to find

594. and kill the monster

595. that's been causing

596. all your nightmares.

597. That sounds wonderful!

598. Let's do it!

599. But real quick,

600. I'm just gonna turn

601. into Elmo for a second.

602. Hi, Brian!

603. Elmo speak bad English

604. on educational show!

605. Okay, I'm back.

606. Let's go.

607. This way to

608. the subconscious.

609. This seems

610. rather pleasant.

611. Yeah.

612. Hey, you know,

613. that Glenn Close salad

614. actually wasn't bad.

615. Yeah, a lot of my dreams

616. have pretty good salad.

617. Oh, no!

618. What? Where are we?

619. We're at the doctor!

620. Time for a baby shot

621. in your fanny!

622. Ah!

623. Ah!

624. Come give Grandpa

625. a sloppy,

626. old-man, coffee kiss!

627. Would you like some candy?

628. Help me find my lost puppy?

629. I like your

630. mouth and butt.

631. What the hell

632. was that?

633. Lois has painted

634. a very dark

635. picture of abduction.

636. Adult stuff,

637. adult stuff,

638. adult stuff.

639. The world is scary,

640. adult stuff, adult stuff.

641. Scary people

642. yelling in another part

643. of the world, adult stuff.

644. I wish Mom

645. wouldn't watch the news

646. in front of me!

647. Coming up, a map

648. with a hurricane on it.

649. And you don't

650. know your states yet!

651. Ah! That one trip to

652. the petting zoo

653. really messed me up!

654. I saw too much!

655. Ah!

656. Stewie, look!

657. It's the monster!

658. Quick, Brian! Kill it!

659. Oh, there you guys are.

660. I would've been here sooner,

661. but one of my legs is a snake

662. that's very hungry

663. for mice.

664. Nice shot.

665. Get it? "Shot"?

666. All right, bye!

667. You did it, Brian!

668. You killed the monster!

669. What the hell?

670. It's me!

671. Oh, my God,

672. you're right!

673. But I don't understand.

674. Why am I the source

675. of your fears?

676. Huh. I'm not sure.

677. Maybe this means

678. that deep down,

679. the thing I'm most

680. afraid of is

681. disappointing you.

682. Me? Why do you care

683. so much about what I think?

684. Well, think about it.

685. You've been more of

686. a father figure to me

687. than the fat man

688. ever has been

689. or ever will be.

690. Look, I know

691. I'm always

692. busting your balls,

693. but it's just because

694. you're the only person

695. in this house

696. whose judgment

697. actually matters to me.

698. Wow.

699. Thanks, Stewie.

700. But listen,

701. you never have to worry

702. about letting me down.

703. I'll always be proud of you.

704. In fact, I already am.

705. You are?

706. 'Course I am.

707. I mean,

708. you're only a baby,

709. and, yet,

710. you're one of the most

711. amazing people I know.

712. Thank you, Brian.

713. Well, Stewie,

714. seems like my work here

715. is done.

716. What's the best

717. way out of here?

718. Yeah, no, that one

719. stays locked until

720. the overnight to Vegas

721. with my college

722. a cappella group.

723. Peter, I'm going

724. crazy up here.

725. We all are.

726. You got to talk to Lois.

727. Damn it, you're right.

728. Lois, let us out

729. of here!

730. No way!

731. You like it so much?

732. Then you can rot up there

733. with your buddies!

734. Lois, so help me God,

735. if you don't let us

736. out right this second,

737. I'm gonna take a dump

738. on your wedding dress!

739. You wouldn't dare!

740. Don't test me.

741. I'll do it!

742. We'll all do it!

743. Quagmire,

744. pull down your pants!

745. What?

746. I'm not doing that!

747. You leave my

748. dress alone, Peter!

749. If it'll get us

750. out of here,

751. I'll make a doody on it.

752. What, are you nuts?

753. I've been

754. crowning for six hours!

755. Cleveland's

756. pants are off, Lois!

757. Here come mine!

758. This is happening!

759. Lois,

760. they're not bluffing!

761. Open the door!

762. I miss Bonnie!

763. Damn it,

764. Peter, you hold that in!

765. I know you can!

766. You did it on

767. the ferry to Block Island!

768. Oh, my God,

769. I'm gonna puke!

770. That's good!

771. Puke on the dress!

772. Puke on the dress!

773. Ugh. Damn it!

774. Not all snake bites

775. are lethal.

776. There! You happy?

777. You were too late.

778. We pooed on the gown.

779. Ripped a big hole

780. in your ceiling, too.

781. I barfed on Peter's ass.

782. I don't know if it

783. got on the dress or not,

784. Lois, but I am so sorry.

785. Yeah, this was all

786. a huge disaster.

787. Let's just agree

788. that we both

789. went a bit too far, hmm?

790. I, uh...

791. I might need two weeks off

792. from this friendship.

793. Stewie, you awake?

794. Did you have any nightmares?

795. I don't think so.

796. Did you

797. get rid of the monster?

798. Sure did. Turned out

799. that monster

800. was nothing more

801. than a manifestation

802. of your subconscious desire

803. not to disappoint me.

804. Apparently, I'm like

805. a father figure to you.

806. Okay.

807. Wow. Somebody's

808. got a big head.

809. Stewie, I want

810. you to know

811. I'm very proud of you.

812. All right, that's awkward.

813. How am I supposed

814. to respond to that?

815. You are a good person.

816. Stop complimenting me.

817. "I sure hope the dog

818. approves of who I am."

819. I'm out of

820. here, weirdo.

821. There's a wedding dress

822. out here covered in shit.