1. We now return
to the All in the FamilyCopy !req
2. and Modern Family
crossover episode.Copy !req
3. Hello,
Mr. Bunker.Copy !req
4. We brought
some hummus.Copy !req
5. Oh, yeah, I knew
them two was hummusCopy !req
6. the minute
they walked in the door.Copy !req
7. Yay! A crossover always brings
out the best in each show!Copy !req
8. It certainly doesn't smack
of desperation.Copy !req
9. The priorities
are always creative,Copy !req
10. and not driven
by marketing or...Copy !req
11. Okay, that's
enough.Copy !req
12. Oh, my God!
What is it,
Peter?Copy !req
13. Look at this. Dennis the Menace
is just shoveling snow.Copy !req
14. He's being helpful.Copy !req
15. Might as well just
call it Dennis now.Copy !req
16. He's not a menace.Copy !req
17. Not every strip
is gonna be hilarious.Copy !req
18. You know something? I could
do better than these idiots.Copy !req
19. I should just go down to
the paper and sell 'em my own.Copy !req
20. Well, Peter, you might be
underestimating the difficultyCopy !req
21. of writing a comic strip.Copy !req
22. As someone who occasionally
dates the creative muse,Copy !req
23. I can vouch for the unforgiving
face of a blank sheet of paper.Copy !req
24. In fact, I think it was
William Faulkner who said...Copy !req
25. I'm back. I'm published.
Check it out.Copy !req
26. I call my comic
For Pete's Sake,Copy !req
27. because it points out thingsCopy !req
28. that make you shake your head
and say, "For Pete's sake."Copy !req
29. This one's for tomorrow.Copy !req
30. These are
good, Peter.Copy !req
31. I like how
you retell tired old gagsCopy !req
32. with a detached,
ironic approach.Copy !req
33. Yeah, plus,
it's all brand-new jokesCopy !req
34. that I'm really,
really serious about.Copy !req
35. Well, good for you, Peter,Copy !req
36. but how did you get published
so quickly?Copy !req
37. Ah, the editor of the paper
owed me a favor.Copy !req
38. I got him a picture
of Spider-Man.Copy !req
39. Why can't anyone get me
a picture of the Spider-Man?Copy !req
40. Here you go.Copy !req
41. Yeah, I got a whole subreddit
of superhero thong shots.Copy !req
42. Here's your beer, Peter.Copy !req
43. Thanks, Jerome.
What do I owe you?Copy !req
44. Nah, you already
paid me... in laughs.Copy !req
45. I do a lot of island ones.Copy !req
46. Peter, you
should do oneCopy !req
47. where a baseball player
can't steal second,Copy !req
48. 'cause he's
on probation.Copy !req
49. For drug crimes.Copy !req
50. Political.Copy !req
51. Yeah, you put an island
in there, you're in business.Copy !req
52. Hey, how about one
where you draw a sock,Copy !req
53. and it says "Sock it to me,"Copy !req
54. or-or maybe draw Lois
taking a hot-tub dump,Copy !req
55. and she just says whatever?Copy !req
56. Peter, your comic
in this morning's paperCopy !req
57. is really offensive.Copy !req
58. That's not funny, Peter.Copy !req
59. Ah, you're just not
getting it, Lois.Copy !req
60. See, his wife washed
dishes for him.Copy !req
61. Oh, for Pete's sake.Copy !req
62. Aha! There you go.Copy !req
63. Peter, you should see this.
Your dishwasher cartoonCopy !req
64. has really outraged
the online community.Copy !req
65. What? Gosh, it's not
like the InternetCopy !req
66. to go crazy about something
small and stupid.Copy !req
67. Peter, you have
to apologize.Copy !req
68. What, because of a joke?Copy !req
69. Not just a joke, Peter.Copy !req
70. A joke that angered
some bloggers.Copy !req
71. Well, I guess this
ain't the first timeCopy !req
72. I got in trouble for something
I said about a woman.Copy !req
73. Oh, good.
We can steal.Copy !req
74. And welcome back
to The Flow.Copy !req
75. We're talking
to Peter Griffin,Copy !req
76. the artist behind
For Pete's Sake,Copy !req
77. which has caused outrage
with a misogynistic comic.Copy !req
78. Here's a video
of some outrage.Copy !req
79. Boo!Copy !req
80. Yeah, those boos
don't hurt so muchCopy !req
81. 'cause you spent two minutes
of the last segmentCopy !req
82. applauding a red velvet cake.Copy !req
83. Ah!Copy !req
84. And if that's not bad enough,Copy !req
85. this morning's cartoon
is even worse.Copy !req
86. Let's put that up.Copy !req
87. Mr. Griffin,
do you really thinkCopy !req
88. this is an
appropriate cartoonCopy !req
89. to run on Gloria Steinem's
half-birthday?Copy !req
90. You sound angry.Copy !req
91. Did one of your
friends get engaged?Copy !req
92. You have no idea how offensive
you are to women, do you?Copy !req
93. What? I love women.Copy !req
94. I bet I can name more
porn stars than you.Copy !req
95. But-but don't tell my wife
how many porn stars I know.Copy !req
96. I'll get in a
lot of trouble.Copy !req
97. I know all of
'em, though.Copy !req
98. There are peopleCopy !req
99. who just started an hour
ago, and I know 'em.Copy !req
100. Your cartoon is sexist!Copy !req
101. Down with misogyny!Copy !req
102. It wasn't even funny, and
I have a great sense of humor.Copy !req
103. Man, they seem really upset.Copy !req
104. I was just trying
to make people laugh.Copy !req
105. Dad, I'm worried
they're gonna hurt us.Copy !req
106. No, no,
they're angry, Chris,Copy !req
107. but they ain't
gonna get violent.Copy !req
108. Oh, cool!
That brick I ordered.Copy !req
109. Wait a minute.
I didn't order this brick.Copy !req
110. You may be right, Chris.Copy !req
111. Peter, this is
getting out of hand.Copy !req
112. I don't feel safe
in my own home.Copy !req
113. Maybe we should get out
of Quahog for a while.Copy !req
114. You know, she's right.Copy !req
115. We should get out of town
till this all blows over.Copy !req
116. Okay, we'll go,
but just give me a minute.Copy !req
117. I just want to turn in
my last For Pete's Sake.Copy !req
118. I'm like Michael Jordan:Copy !req
119. going out on top amid a flurry
of gambling rumors.Copy !req
120. Peter, where are we?Copy !req
121. I don't know.
I just woke up, too.Copy !req
122. I tied the steering
wheel to my belt.Copy !req
123. I figure we've been on the
road about 20% of the time.Copy !req
124. Dad, how long
until we can go back home?Copy !req
125. Um, I don't know.Copy !req
126. How long do women
hold grudges?Copy !req
127. Not very long,
I'm guessing.Copy !req
128. Oh, Peter, we've been
driving all night.Copy !req
129. Pull over
to that gas station.Copy !req
130. We can use the bathroom
and stretch our legs.Copy !req
131. You got it, babe.Copy !req
132. Did you call me "babe"?Copy !req
133. I did.Copy !req
134. Oh, Peter.Copy !req
135. Ew! Mom!Copy !req
136. You'll never
have this, Meg.Copy !req
137. All right, back
in the car, kids.Copy !req
138. For this leg of the
trip, I was thinkingCopy !req
139. of driving with my shirt
off like New Mexico trash.Copy !req
140. Oh, my God!
Our car!Copy !req
141. Someone's stealing it.Copy !req
142. Ah, crap.Copy !req
143. Although, I got to say,Copy !req
144. you never get to see
somebody else driving your car.Copy !req
145. It's kind of cool.
Kind of weird.Copy !req
146. We're stuck
here, Peter!Copy !req
147. And we don't even
know where we are.Copy !req
148. Well, there's a sign.Copy !req
149. Huh, guess
we're in a town
called Springfield.Copy !req
150. Springfield, eh?
What state?Copy !req
151. I can't imagine
we're allowed to say.Copy !req
152. Well, this Springfield place
seems nice.Copy !req
153. We should visit here again.Copy !req
154. I don't know, Lois. This
seems like a one-shot deal.Copy !req
155. Guys, we ain't here
for fun, all right?Copy !req
156. We're here to find the police,
report our stolen car.Copy !req
157. Oh, and don't
drink the water.Copy !req
158. Everybody around here looks
like they have hepatitis.Copy !req
159. Dad, I'm
starving.Copy !req
160. Can we get
some food?Copy !req
161. Lois, whip out your boob,
give the boy his lunch.Copy !req
162. Listen to
the man.Copy !req
163. Yeah, Lois,
listen to the man.Copy !req
164. How about we
just go into
that store there?Copy !req
165. Uh, uh, excuse me?Copy !req
166. Hello. Welcome
to the Kwik-E-Mart.Copy !req
167. Oh, I am so sorry.
Let me unplug that.Copy !req
168. Oh, such a nuisance!Copy !req
169. Hello, funny-sounding
Cleveland.Copy !req
170. What's the specialty
of the house?Copy !req
171. To you, I recommend...
the donut.Copy !req
172. Ooh!Copy !req
173. Yum!Copy !req
174. Have you guys seriously
never heard of donuts?Copy !req
175. These are made
fresh every day.Copy !req
176. And then, several days
later, we receive themCopy !req
177. and make them available
for purchase.Copy !req
178. Hey, are these...
are these free?Copy !req
179. 'Cause I forgot to mention, all
our money is in our stolen car.Copy !req
180. Thank you. Come again.Copy !req
181. Sir, we can pay you back for
the donuts when we find our car.Copy !req
182. Do you think that I am moved
by your sob story?Copy !req
183. I come from a country
where the wordsCopy !req
184. for "sewage" and "beverage"
are the same.Copy !req
185. I'll pay for their donuts.Copy !req
186. Thank you so
much, sir.Copy !req
187. For what?
I didn't say anything.Copy !req
188. Oh.Copy !req
189. It was me.Copy !req
190. How come this convenience store
has so many shadowy parts?Copy !req
191. Apu, a dozen donuts for
our albino visitors.Copy !req
192. Wow! For real?Copy !req
193. No man should be so poor
he cannot pay for a donut.Copy !req
194. I was once you.Copy !req
195. I couldn't afford donuts.Copy !req
196. Tell them what I did, Apu.
He stole the donuts.Copy !req
197. I stole the donuts.Copy !req
198. So, here you go.Copy !req
199. 12... ten...
eight donuts.Copy !req
200. That's very nice
of you, Mister...?Copy !req
201. Simpson. Homer Simpson.Copy !req
202. We're the Griffins.Copy !req
203. Peter, Lois, Stewie, and then,
uh, you know, the others.Copy !req
204. Brian, I guess.Copy !req
205. Well, enjoy
your... six donuts.Copy !req
206. Mmm. Yummy... donut.Copy !req
207. That's pretty good,
but try it like this.Copy !req
208. Mmm. Donut.Copy !req
209. Mmm. Donut.Copy !req
210. I think you and I are
gonna get along just okay.Copy !req
211. Yeah, all right,
we'll be there.Copy !req
212. But if you want
to save us a little time,Copy !req
213. you can start
tracing his body with chalk.Copy !req
214. This is the
police station.Copy !req
215. Be careful. I think some
of them might be cops.Copy !req
216. Oh, hey there.
Cool hat, weird nose.Copy !req
217. Hey, listen,
my car got stolen.Copy !req
218. I was hoping
you could help.Copy !req
219. Well, we got
a procedureCopy !req
220. for handling alleged
crimes around here.Copy !req
221. Let's see. Uh, did
you contributeCopy !req
222. to the policeman's ball?Copy !req
223. No.Copy !req
224. Oh, that's too bad,
'cause he really needs one.Copy !req
225. He had an accident last week.Copy !req
226. Yeah, I tried to jump
over a parking meter.Copy !req
227. Yeah, all right,
well, with no contribution,Copy !req
228. your report goes right
into the circular file.Copy !req
229. I got to be honest.Copy !req
230. I don't usually check this file,Copy !req
231. so it might be a while
until we find that car of yours.Copy !req
232. Uh, Chief, that excuse to
leave you asked for is here.Copy !req
233. Oh, sorry,
I got to take this.Copy !req
234. It never ends.Copy !req
235. Oh, thank you so muchCopy !req
236. for putting us up
until we find our car.Copy !req
237. And thank you for
not being a band of
hippie murderers.Copy !req
238. And now
this again.Copy !req
239. You bring home two bands
of hippie murderers,Copy !req
240. and suddenly,
that's all you're about.Copy !req
241. Well, what do
you say we have
some lunch?Copy !req
242. Where's
Bart?Copy !req
243. Well, he's at
camp all week.Copy !req
244. I'm sorry you
won't get to
meet him.Copy !req
245. Got kicked out of camp.Copy !req
246. I superglued my counselor's
butt cheeks together.Copy !req
247. That's terrible.Copy !req
248. But how did you even get access
to his butt cheeks?Copy !req
249. I'm not the only one
who got kicked out of camp.Copy !req
250. This is Bart.Copy !req
251. Honey, your hands
are filthy.Copy !req
252. Go wash up
for lunch.Copy !req
253. Eat my shorts!Copy !req
254. "Eat my shorts."Copy !req
255. I love that!
Is that a popular expression,Copy !req
256. like "what the deuce"?
Probably more popular.Copy !req
257. Probably... probably
way more popular.Copy !req
258. Well, here's my room.Copy !req
259. Hey, you want to see
my weapons closet?Copy !req
260. You have a
weapons closet, too?Copy !req
261. Ouch! Jesus
heard my mean thought!Copy !req
262. A slingshot!
It's so simple and pure.Copy !req
263. He doesn't need lasers
or time machines,Copy !req
264. just gum balls and marbles
and balls of string.Copy !req
265. He's like something
out of Mark Twain!Copy !req
266. Whose real name
was Samuel Clemens.Copy !req
267. How... how does that further
this conversation?Copy !req
268. Hey, you want to make
a prank phone call?Copy !req
269. Ooh, prank phone call!Copy !req
270. Moe's Tavern.
Moe speaking.Copy !req
271. Uh, yeah, I'm looking
for a friend,Copy !req
272. last name Keebum,
first name Lee.Copy !req
273. Uh, hang on, I'll check.Copy !req
274. Hey, guys, do I got
a Lee Keebum?Copy !req
275. Come on, look at the stools—
is there a Lee Keebum?Copy !req
276. Somebody check the rear—
I know I got a Lee Keebum.Copy !req
277. Then you probably shouldn't
be handling food.Copy !req
278. Oh, my God,
that's amazing!Copy !req
279. That's the coolest
thing ever!Copy !req
280. Hey, I want to try.
Okay.Copy !req
281. Moe's Tavern.Copy !req
282. Hello, Moe?
Your sister's being raped.Copy !req
283. Is that... is that one?Copy !req
284. So, this is my room.Copy !req
285. Please excuse the mess.Copy !req
286. There, that's better.Copy !req
287. Look at all these trophies!Copy !req
288. There must be,
like, 20 of them!Copy !req
289. 23. But I'm sure you have
a lot of trophies of your own.Copy !req
290. No. I'm not good
at anything.Copy !req
291. Oh, Meg, I'm sure
you're good at something.Copy !req
292. We just have
to find out what it is.Copy !req
293. After all, Nelson Mandela said
it's our obligation to shine.Copy !req
294. You mean like my
oily face and back?Copy !req
295. No. Maybe don't sit
on my bedspread, please.Copy !req
296. But I mean the light within you
that makes you an individual.Copy !req
297. Meg, you need to know
that you matter.Copy !req
298. Really? No one's ever
told me I mattered before.Copy !req
299. That's why you
have to say it.Copy !req
300. So say it.
I matter.Copy !req
301. Louder!Copy !req
302. I matter!Copy !req
303. Shut up, Meg! You don't matter!Copy !req
304. Hey, couldn't help but notice
there's no seat for me.Copy !req
305. Oh. I was under the impression
that you were a dog.Copy !req
306. You're right to have
that reaction, Marge.Copy !req
307. Why, I just figured,
at home I sit with the family,Copy !req
308. so I assumed that...Copy !req
309. Have you ever drunk
out of a toilet?Copy !req
310. I-I don't see what that has
to do with the discussion.Copy !req
311. Dogs eat in the kitchen.Copy !req
312. Yeah, dogs eat
in the kitchen.Copy !req
313. Y-You know, you're eating
mostly horse hoovesCopy !req
314. and tallow, right?
You cool with that?Copy !req
315. Oh, and the ones that
fall on the floor,Copy !req
316. you just eat those
up, too, huh?Copy !req
317. Oh, yeah, yeah, you do.Copy !req
318. So, is that... is that,
like, your thing?Copy !req
319. You eat loud?Copy !req
320. I... I'm-I'm sorry,
I don't know what...Copy !req
321. That's a gutter language.Copy !req
322. Are you making friends
in there, Brian?Copy !req
323. Yep, he's a lot
of laughs.Copy !req
324. Wow, you work at a
nuclear power plant?Copy !req
325. What's that?
I don't know.Copy !req
326. Pretty impressive.Copy !req
327. I just work
at a brewery.Copy !req
328. Oh, my God,
you get to work with beer?Copy !req
329. Wow! What's beer really like?Copy !req
330. Eh, he's got a big head.Copy !req
331. Hey, you know— aw,
damn it, I don't have
a comic strip anymore.Copy !req
332. So, still no word from the
police on your stolen car?Copy !req
333. The cops
here are a joke.Copy !req
334. I bet you and me can find
your car on our own.Copy !req
335. You think so?
Yeah.Copy !req
336. 'Cause Homer Simpson
and Peter GriffinCopy !req
337. are a great team!Copy !req
338. A greater team than...Copy !req
339. Than...
Uh-huh, keep going.Copy !req
340. Than... something else.Copy !req
341. Something else?
I... don't know what this is.Copy !req
342. O-Okay,
I'll do it.Copy !req
343. Homer Simpson and Peter Griffin
are an even greater teamCopy !req
344. than the Air Force!Copy !req
345. Hold steady.
I got him in my sights.Copy !req
346. Whoo-hoo!
Yeah-heh-heh!Copy !req
347. Yeah, we did it.
What's he doing here?Copy !req
348. We got to carry him,
'cause he can't fly on his own.Copy !req
349. We let that other guy try,
and look what happened.Copy !req
350. No, no, no, no, no, no...!Copy !req
351. Wow, they've made a lot
of changes to Quahog!Copy !req
352. Chris, we're
in a different town.Copy !req
353. Oh...Copy !req
354. Is that why there was
blood in my stool?Copy !req
355. No. That-that sounds
like a separate issue.Copy !req
356. God, I can't believe
I got stuckCopy !req
357. taking their stupid dog
for a walk.Copy !req
358. Stupid? Well, I don't know,
I think he's kind of fun.Copy !req
359. What, are you kidding?
He doesn't do anything.Copy !req
360. You know,
it's not his fault, though.Copy !req
361. He doesn't know any better.Copy !req
362. He's been on a leash
his whole life.Copy !req
363. Hey, you know what?
Come here, Santa's Stupid Name.Copy !req
364. You're a grown dog—
start acting like one.Copy !req
365. Come here, boy.Copy !req
366. Hey, stop that dog!Copy !req
367. Sorry. We're
on a smoke break.Copy !req
368. Nothing beats
smoking and standing.Copy !req
369. Although smoking and sitting
does have its moments.Copy !req
370. You always have
to argue with me.Copy !req
371. Oh, thank goodness!Copy !req
372. I was starting to think
you wouldn't show, Dr. Dog.Copy !req
373. Boy, you really like
to bleed, huh, guy?Copy !req
374. Hey, there's a dog
in the dining area!Copy !req
375. How'd that happen?Copy !req
376. Get back in there.Copy !req
377. Which one is Santa's
Little Helper?Copy !req
378. I don't know.
You're the one who
sniffed his butt.Copy !req
379. Yeah, for, like,
a second!Copy !req
380. Damn it, he's gone.Copy !req
381. We're screwed.Copy !req
382. Welcome to Krusty Burger.
May I take your order?Copy !req
383. Your voice
sounds stupid.Copy !req
384. Oh, my God,
that was great!Copy !req
385. I mean, unless you
think it sucked,
in which case it sucked.Copy !req
386. It was all right, dude.Copy !req
387. Yeah, dude.Copy !req
388. So, you know, um,
I'm only wearing this diaperCopy !req
389. as a dare, you know— it's not,
like, an everyday thing.Copy !req
390. Hey, loser, I copied
off your spelling testCopy !req
391. and got a D!Copy !req
392. Haw-haw!Copy !req
393. I say, how long has that boy
been treating you like that?Copy !req
394. Uh...
about 24 years.Copy !req
395. Aah!Copy !req
396. Just who I was
looking for!Copy !req
397. Cowabunga.Copy !req
398. All right, Peter, if we're
gonna find your car,Copy !req
399. we got to think
like a car.Copy !req
400. So let's fill up
at that gas station.Copy !req
401. I feel sick.
Keep drinking.Copy !req
402. I prepaid 40 bucks!Copy !req
403. Homer, maybe
we're doing this wrong.Copy !req
404. Oh, crap.Copy !req
405. Haben Sie Homer und
Peter mit Chevron pump?Copy !req
406. Okay, I got a great idea how
we're gonna find my stolen car.Copy !req
407. We'll throw a car wash—
free for stolen cars!Copy !req
408. And then when we find it,
we'll actually charge the guy!Copy !req
409. Well, none of these
is my car,Copy !req
410. but we promised
these scumbags a show.Copy !req
411. Hey, Chief, we could
arrest every single
car thief in Springfield.Copy !req
412. After the show, Lou,Copy !req
413. after the show.Copy !req
414. I don't know!
I feel like I'm good at nothing!Copy !req
415. Hey, everyone gets down
on themselves sometimes.Copy !req
416. Those are the days
I'm glad I have my saxophone.Copy !req
417. Saxophone?Copy !req
418. Yeah. My dad
gave it to me.Copy !req
419. My dad once gave me
a gun to hide.Copy !req
420. That's terrible.Copy !req
421. Whenever I feel
any pain or loneliness,Copy !req
422. I just play away the blues
on my saxophone.Copy !req
423. Huh. I usually
just beat up a cat.Copy !req
424. Good thing we don't have a cat.Copy !req
425. Why don't you
give it a shot?Copy !req
426. Was that good?Copy !req
427. It was okay, but it would
be a shame to wasteCopy !req
428. such great butcher's arms
on a musical instrument.Copy !req
429. Wakey, wakey.Copy !req
430. Good morning.Copy !req
431. You and I have quite a day
ahead of us.Copy !req
432. Oh, that's a clown I painted,
so you know I'm truly insane.Copy !req
433. You know, Nelson,Copy !req
434. I don't doubt that you've
had a twisted childhood.Copy !req
435. Most evil people have.Copy !req
436. Hitler, Manson, Jaden Smith.Copy !req
437. But you're different
from them, aren't you?Copy !req
438. Because they're rail-thin,
and you're fat.Copy !req
439. You're a little piggy,
aren't you, Nelson?Copy !req
440. In fact, I bet
you're hungry right now.Copy !req
441. What's that?Copy !req
442. I could eat.Copy !req
443. Good. Because you're goingCopy !req
444. to eat... my... shorts.Copy !req
445. Homer, you're never going
to believe what we did.Copy !req
446. We saw a movie
in the afternoon!Copy !req
447. Yeah, we saw
Surf's Up 2.Copy !req
448. Marge covered her eyes every
time the penguins surfed.Copy !req
449. It made me nervous.
They could drown.Copy !req
450. Hey, where's
Santa's Little Helper?Copy !req
451. Brian, you took him
for a walk, right?Copy !req
452. Uh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
453. More-more like he took me
for a walk.Copy !req
454. God, what a...
what a fun dog.Copy !req
455. He's in the kitchen right now,
totally accounted for.Copy !req
456. Shut up.Copy !req
457. I'll, uh... I'll go check
on him right now.Copy !req
458. And Chris
will come with me.Copy !req
459. But nobody else!Copy !req
460. Ruff! Ruff, ruff!Copy !req
461. Ah, there he is!Copy !req
462. Aw, you like that
behind the ear, don't you, boy?Copy !req
463. Ruff! Ruff, ruff!Copy !req
464. Ruff, ruff! I'm
another dog in here!Copy !req
465. What the hell are you doing?Copy !req
466. He's having a
dog playdate.Copy !req
467. How does that help us?
We're creating
a broad story.Copy !req
468. Also, Matthew McConaughey
is in here, too!Copy !req
469. "All right, all right,
all right."Copy !req
470. No, no, he's-he's not
really in here! He's...Copy !req
471. We-we thought it was him,
but it was just the oven!Copy !req
472. Now you're just doing voices.Copy !req
473. Jack Nicholson?Copy !req
474. Okay, Santa's Little Helper
got all tuckered outCopy !req
475. from his playdate, so he went
out back to take a napCopy !req
476. under that tree where nobody
knows quite where it is.Copy !req
477. Hey, what happened
to Jack NicholsonCopy !req
478. and that other dog?
Yep.Copy !req
479. Wait, aren't you supposed
to be looking for our car?Copy !req
480. Didn't find the car, Lois,Copy !req
481. but I found a good
time with a good pal.Copy !req
482. Right, Homer? Hey,
Quagmire who, right?Copy !req
483. Yeah, Quagmire who?Copy !req
484. That's an actual question.
I don't know who Quagmire is.Copy !req
485. Peter, I'm glad you made a
friend, but what about our car?Copy !req
486. Yeah, I got an idea
about that.Copy !req
487. What's the one surefire way
to find a lost car?Copy !req
488. Giant magnet?
Giant magnet.Copy !req
489. Giant magnet?Copy !req
490. Check.Copy !req
491. Giant plug?
Check.Copy !req
492. Giant curbside outlet?Copy !req
493. Oh, things never work
the way they do on the box.Copy !req
494. Okay, let's get this garbage
out of the street.Copy !req
495. Oh, dear, I was using that car
as pants.Copy !req
496. Oh, my God, Dad,
it's our car!Copy !req
497. That confused old guy must have
been driving it by mistake.Copy !req
498. How many confused old guys
you got in this town?Copy !req
499. I'm old, so I'm the victim!Copy !req
500. Well, Homer, thanks
for helping me get my car back.Copy !req
501. And to show my appreciation, I
got a little something for you.Copy !req
502. Here you go.
Pawtucket Patriot Ale.Copy !req
503. The best Quahog
has to offer.Copy !req
504. Always keep an emergency
six-pack in my trunk.Copy !req
505. Oh, that's cool, bringing
outside beer into my bar.Copy !req
506. Down the hatch!Copy !req
507. That's pretty good, right?Copy !req
508. No.Copy !req
509. Huh?
It's not good.Copy !req
510. This beer tastes exactly
like Duff.Copy !req
511. It's just a lousy rip-off.Copy !req
512. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa!
It's not a rip-off of Duff.Copy !req
513. It may have been inspired
by Duff, but I-I like to thinkCopy !req
514. it goes in
a different direction.Copy !req
515. No, this is just the same
as Duff, but, like, worse.Copy !req
516. Hey, come on, now,
this is my favorite beer
you're talking about.Copy !req
517. Hell, I work for the company.
It's my livelihood.Copy !req
518. Oh, yeah? Well, your livelihood
is based on fraud.Copy !req
519. Look at this.Copy !req
520. Huh?Copy !req
521. It is Duff.Copy !req
522. Your beer is
in big trouble!Copy !req
523. You can't just slap
a new label on somethingCopy !req
524. and call it your own!Copy !req
525. Well, maybe Duff should be
in trouble for,Copy !req
526. you know,
not being that great.Copy !req
527. Duff is an icon!Copy !req
528. Yeah, but some folks
prefer Pawtucket Pat.Copy !req
529. I mean, don't get me wrong,
I-I used to love Duff
when I was younger,Copy !req
530. but I-I haven't even had it
in, like, 13 years.Copy !req
531. Be that as it may,Copy !req
532. I represent the Duff Brewery,
and you, sir,Copy !req
533. as a representative
of Pawtucket Patriot Ale,Copy !req
534. are being sued for intellectual
theft and patent infringement.Copy !req
535. Aha! Intellectual theft!Copy !req
536. What do you have to say
about that, Griffin?Copy !req
537. D'oh!Copy !req
538. The Pawtucket Patriot
Brewery being sued?Copy !req
539. It's the largest employer
in Quahog, Peter.Copy !req
540. A lot of people's jobs
are riding on this.Copy !req
541. Yeah, I got a job for you
riding on something.Copy !req
542. Peter!Copy !req
543. Sorry! Sorry, Lois,
I'm-I'm tiredCopy !req
544. 'cause we usually only do
these things for half an hour.Copy !req
545. Simpson.Copy !req
546. Griffin.Copy !req
547. Nice day, isn't it?Copy !req
548. A nice day for stabbing
a friend in the back.Copy !req
549. Yeah, and a nice day for
bringing thieves to justice.Copy !req
550. We're getting a
lot of compliments.Copy !req
551. Yep, we're doing
something right.Copy !req
552. Your Honor,
citizens of SpringfieldCopy !req
553. and visitors from Quahog,
my client, the Duff Brewery,Copy !req
554. is the victim of flagrant
intellectual theft.Copy !req
555. I'm whispering in court
to look smart.Copy !req
556. But it's not just the main Duff
recipe that's been plagiarized.Copy !req
557. Several other Duff variations,
packagesCopy !req
558. and design elements
have been similarly infringed,Copy !req
559. resulting againCopy !req
560. and again in pale imitations,Copy !req
561. cheap copies,
clumsy counterfeitsCopy !req
562. and weak substitutions.Copy !req
563. You like sex?
Eh.Copy !req
564. I don't think
we're very similar.Copy !req
565. You know why they got us
sitting next to each other.Copy !req
566. Uh, 'cause we're the two
funniest guys in our towns?Copy !req
567. Damn right.Copy !req
568. I'm a Jewish clown.Copy !req
569. Me, too.Copy !req
570. Are you a mayor?
Yes, I am.Copy !req
571. Are you a "cool" mayor?Copy !req
572. I, uh... I like
to think so.Copy !req
573. You lived in Springfield?Copy !req
574. Yeah, I worked at the
Kwik-E-Mart, researching a role.Copy !req
575. These guys are gonna lose.Copy !req
576. I've heard all I need to
hear to make a decision.Copy !req
577. If you ask me, neither of
these beers is wholly original.Copy !req
578. They're both pale imitations
of my favorite beer, Bud Rock.Copy !req
579. Oh, ho, ho!
Ooh!Copy !req
580. But rendering a verdict
is somethingCopy !req
581. I'm paid to yabba-dabba-do!Copy !req
582. Eh.Copy !req
583. And I find in favor of Duff.Copy !req
584. Oh, no!Copy !req
585. Oh, no!Copy !req
586. Oh, no!Copy !req
587. Hello?Copy !req
588. Uh, hey.Copy !req
589. I'm-I'm
in the wrong Springfield.Copy !req
590. So what's going
to happen now?Copy !req
591. Well, the Pawtucket Brewery
will be shut down,Copy !req
592. so I guess we got to go back to
Quahog and find Peter a new job.Copy !req
593. Mmm, that's too bad.Copy !req
594. Yeah. Anyways, it was still nice
to meet you and your family,Copy !req
595. even though you kind of
screwed us over.Copy !req
596. Good to have you.Copy !req
597. And, hey, next time
you stay with a family,Copy !req
598. maybe you can wear a
bra some of the time.Copy !req
599. Hey, uh, Marge, uh,Copy !req
600. listen, there's something
difficult that I've been tryingCopy !req
601. to figure out how to
tell you, and, um...Copy !req
602. it's about, uh,
Santa's Little Helper.Copy !req
603. What about him?Copy !req
604. He's, um...Copy !req
605. right there.Copy !req
606. You were trying to figure out
a way to tell me that?Copy !req
607. I overthink things
sometimes.Copy !req
608. Oh, and, look,
he's with Ed McMahon!Copy !req
609. Hey-o!Copy !req
610. Here's Johnny!Copy !req
611. Chris, we're done.Copy !req
612. You may be, but...
"I'm just getting warmed up!"Copy !req
613. That's Al Pacino.Copy !req
614. Thanks for being
so cool, Lisa.Copy !req
615. I cut your name in my arm
so I'll always remember you.Copy !req
616. Meg, I want you to have this.Copy !req
617. Your saxophone?Copy !req
618. Yes, Meg.
When you played the saxophone,Copy !req
619. I could feel your soul
coming out.Copy !req
620. So I want you to take this
and shine.Copy !req
621. Lisa, no one has ever done
anything this nice for me.Copy !req
622. You're amazing,
and I will never be like you.Copy !req
623. I'm not pretty, I'm not smart,
I'm not talented.Copy !req
624. I have the same shoe size
as Charles Barkley.Copy !req
625. My prom date
was a scarecrow I stole,Copy !req
626. and he left
with someone else.Copy !req
627. The inside of my hat
smells so bad I'm not allowedCopy !req
628. in most restaurants...
Hey, hey!Copy !req
629. Shut up, Meg.Copy !req
630. No luggage. Car's full.
Let's go.Copy !req
631. Well, nice knowing you,
Stewie.Copy !req
632. Same here, Bart.Copy !req
633. Hey, I hope
you don't mind,Copy !req
634. I got you a
little present.Copy !req
635. Whoa. Is that Nelson?Copy !req
636. Stewie, what the deuce?Copy !req
637. Yes, I... Oh!
Oh, that's nice.Copy !req
638. You got that from me.
'Cause, you know,Copy !req
639. I was starting to worry
this was a one-way thing.Copy !req
640. You kidnapped him?Copy !req
641. I kidnapped all your enemies.Copy !req
642. Nelson, Jimbo, Principal
Skinner, Sideshow Bob, Apu.Copy !req
643. I know Apu's not your enemy,
but I just wanted to say,Copy !req
644. "I took Apu."Copy !req
645. That is funny!Copy !req
646. But the rest of this?
It's messed up, man.Copy !req
647. I know! Isn't it awesome?Copy !req
648. So, how do you want to keep
in touch? Facebook? Twitter?Copy !req
649. Late-night phone calls
lying on our tummiesCopy !req
650. with our feet up in the air?Copy !req
651. Stewie, I don't think
we can be friends.Copy !req
652. You freak me out.Copy !req
653. Bart, if we don't keep in touch,
I'll kill myself.Copy !req
654. That's what I'm talking about.Copy !req
655. Later, dude!Copy !req
656. Later...Copy !req
657. dude.Copy !req
658. Haw-haw!Copy !req
659. Aw.Copy !req
660. Hey, Griffin.Copy !req
661. Sorry about your job.Copy !req
662. I was just sticking
up for Duff.Copy !req
663. I love Duff.Copy !req
664. And Duff loves me.Copy !req
665. Duff can keep a secret.Copy !req
666. Duff never says no.Copy !req
667. Duff is more experimental than
any partner I've ever had.Copy !req
668. Anyway, the point
is, I'm sorry.Copy !req
669. You know, when I first met you,
I thought, hey, I love this guy!Copy !req
670. This is the funniest guy
I've ever met.Copy !req
671. I'm gonna quote this guy
to all my friends.Copy !req
672. I love his town,
I love his family.Copy !req
673. But now, I think
I speak for all of usCopy !req
674. when I say,
I am over the Simpsons!Copy !req
675. Wh-What
are you saying?Copy !req
676. I'm saying
the Simpsons suck!Copy !req
677. Why, you...Copy !req
678. Ow! What the hell?
That really hurts.Copy !req
679. No, it doesn't!
I do it to my son all the time.Copy !req
680. You strangle your son?
That's insane!Copy !req
681. No wonder he's fat and stupid
and masturbates all the time.Copy !req
682. That's your son!Copy !req
683. Phew!Copy !req
684. Hey! Knock it off!
There's a kid back there!Copy !req
685. I'm in danger.Copy !req
686. Hey, that's no fair.
I don't got none of them.Copy !req
687. Uh-oh.Copy !req
688. Hey, hey!Copy !req
689. Uh-oh.Copy !req
690. Ooh.Copy !req
691. Damn it!Copy !req
692. And remember, kids,
TV violence is fineCopy !req
693. as long as you
don't show a nipple.Copy !req
694. Perfect.Copy !req
695. The earthlings are
destroying themselves.Copy !req
696. Yeah, it's really great,
isn't it, guys?Copy !req
697. We went to summer camp together.Copy !req
698. Bye! Thanks for having me.Copy !req
699. Huh?Copy !req
700. It appears that I
am now the only oneCopy !req
701. with radioactive powers,Copy !req
702. which will allow me
to unleash my fury...Copy !req
703. Oh, I talked too long.Copy !req
704. We're gonna make it!
Trust me, we're not.Copy !req
705. Huh?
Huh?Copy !req
706. Huh?
Huh? Huh?Copy !req
707. Whoa!Copy !req
708. Whoo-hoo!Copy !req
709. Road house.Copy !req
710. Aah-aah!Copy !req
711. Say hi to Maude Flanders.Copy !req
712. No. You say hi
to Muriel Goldman.Copy !req
713. Who?Copy !req
714. What are you
still doing here?Copy !req
715. I think you're gonna get
a kick out of this.Copy !req
716. You're parked behind me
at your place.Copy !req
717. That is funny.Copy !req
718. Hey, listen, I...Copy !req
719. I'm sorry we fought.Copy !req
720. I just wanted
to make you laugh and cry.Copy !req
721. You see, I'm a Family Guy.Copy !req
722. I understand.Copy !req
723. I'm a The Simpsons.Copy !req
724. Look, even if we
don't work as best pals,Copy !req
725. I respect you.
You, too.Copy !req
726. Let's just agree
to stay a half hour
away from each other.Copy !req
727. With a pile of
garbage between us.Copy !req
728. Worst chicken fight ever.Copy !req
729. It sure is nice to
be back in Quahog.Copy !req
730. Oh, and thank God
all the commotion about
Dad's comic blew over.Copy !req
731. Oh, my God, I had a comic?
That's hilarious!Copy !req
732. Well, you may not be
a cartoonist anymore,Copy !req
733. but you are a local hero
for defending our beer,Copy !req
734. and apparently, that's more
important than hating women.Copy !req
735. So here you go,
a Pawtucket
Patriot Ale.Copy !req
736. What? I don't understand.
Ain't the brewery
out of business?Copy !req
737. We lost a court case.
Yes, we lost,Copy !req
738. but how are they
gonna enforce it?Copy !req
739. What, are they
gonna come here?Copy !req
740. I think we know that's
never gonna happen.Copy !req
741. Hey, Stewie, I'm sorry Bart
didn't want to be your friend.Copy !req
742. What? No! What are
you talking about?Copy !req
743. He was lame.
If you ask me,Copy !req
744. he kind of sounded
like a girl.
Really?Copy !req
745. Kind of seemed like
you idolized him.Copy !req
746. And I can understand losing
a friend and feeling rejected.Copy !req
747. Course you can!
You're a loser.Copy !req
748. But not me.
I'm a lone wolf.Copy !req
749. Speaking of which,
I'm gonna go howl at the moon.Copy !req
750. Don't need nobody.Copy !req
751. Shh.Copy !req