1. I was very brave when the doctor
gave me that shot,Copy !req
2. wasn't I, Lois?Copy !req
3. Yes, Peter, you
were very brave.Copy !req
4. Even when I knew that he was
gonna give me the shot,Copy !req
5. I just k-kept looking
at him in the eyeCopy !req
6. and talking to him
about my summer plans.Copy !req
7. You did very good.Copy !req
8. See, Peter? It
wasn't so bad.Copy !req
9. Yeah, except for
having to sit next toCopy !req
10. that screaming autistic lady
in the waiting room.Copy !req
11. I don't know what you want!
I don't know how to help!Copy !req
12. Hi, there. Excuse me.Copy !req
13. I seem to be lost.
Can you guys help me?Copy !req
14. Oh, my God.Copy !req
15. Are you Ryan
Reynolds?Copy !req
16. From The Proposal
and The Change-UpCopy !req
17. and a ton of upcoming stuff?
Yeah, that's me.Copy !req
18. I was on my way to Newport
and I kind of got turned around.Copy !req
19. Of course, Mr. Reynolds, we'd be
happy to give you directions.Copy !req
20. You take 138
to the Jamestown Bridge,Copy !req
21. and you're gonna follow the...Copy !req
22. There's a fire truck.Copy !req
23. Yes, I see it, Peter.Copy !req
24. It's a fire truck.Copy !req
25. And after the bridge,
just follow the signs.Copy !req
26. Thanks.Copy !req
27. Hey, what happened
to your arm?Copy !req
28. I just went to the doctor,
got my cholesterol checked.Copy !req
29. Wow, why does a
guy in his 20sCopy !req
30. need to get his
cholesterol checked?Copy !req
31. Oh, come on, now.Copy !req
32. Oh, hey, I never
got your name.Copy !req
33. Uh, Peter.
Peter Griffin.Copy !req
34. And I'm Lo...Copy !req
35. Catch you
later, Peter.Copy !req
36. Wow, he was really nice.Copy !req
37. Not like when I met
that bitch Shelley Duvall.Copy !req
38. Hi, I'm
Shelley Duvall.Copy !req
39. Very nice
to meet you.Copy !req
40. Big deal.Copy !req
41. Came right up to me, like
I was just dying to meet her.Copy !req
42. Peter, you're gonna
have to let that one go.Copy !req
43. Hi, Mrs. Janetti.
I'm here to pick up Stewie.Copy !req
44. Oh, sure, Brian. He's in
the playroom with Gavin.Copy !req
45. Gavin— that's
a stupid name.Copy !req
46. And nobody likes you
at school.Copy !req
47. You're gonna be ugly
when you grow up.Copy !req
48. And everything
in your house is cheap.Copy !req
49. And it smells in here.Copy !req
50. Oh, hey, Brian.Copy !req
51. Bye!Copy !req
52. That was fun.Copy !req
53. I like Gavin.Copy !req
54. Oh, yay!
This is such a great song.Copy !req
55. Really?
Yeah, really.Copy !req
56. I don't have to defend
Carrie Underwood to you.Copy !req
57. She is doing
just fine without you.Copy !req
58. Brian, I'm just going to sit
in the car till the song's over.Copy !req
59. All right, but don't take too
long; it'll drain the battery.Copy !req
60. Oh, shut up.
It's not draining the battery.Copy !req
61. I should be on Glee.Copy !req
62. I should be
on Glee!Copy !req
63. Oh, my God.Copy !req
64. I just drove.Copy !req
65. That was amazing.Copy !req
66. I can drive!Copy !req
67. Now I can do a slow cruise past
my ex-girlfriend's apartment.Copy !req
68. 11:45 and the lights are on.Copy !req
69. Doing it with
the lights on now, whore?Copy !req
70. Don't mind looking at his body?Copy !req
71. I love you so much, though.Copy !req
72. Lois, that dog with the
different colored eyes is back.Copy !req
73. Ew, and gross!Copy !req
74. It looks like he's got a boner.Copy !req
75. Peter, just
leave him alone.Copy !req
76. No, this is
what Bob Barker's beenCopy !req
77. talking about all these years.Copy !req
78. Go on! Get!Copy !req
79. Get out of here,
weird boner dog!Copy !req
80. Hey, look who it is!Copy !req
81. Hey, Ryan Reynolds.Copy !req
82. What are you doing
in Cleveland's house?Copy !req
83. Well, believe it or not,
they've decidedCopy !req
84. to shoot my movie
in Quahog instead of Newport.Copy !req
85. I'm playing Hitler,
but he's a young HitlerCopy !req
86. and he's got a rocking body.Copy !req
87. It's called Hotler.Copy !req
88. Ha! Color me seven
bucks lighter.Copy !req
89. Hey, I'm so excited
that we're gonna be neighbors.Copy !req
90. We should totally hang out.Copy !req
91. Yeah, that'd be great.Copy !req
92. Okay, I'm embarrassed.Copy !req
93. I'm standing out here
without a shirt onCopy !req
94. and my pajama bottoms are
riding insanely low on my hips.Copy !req
95. Hey, how much
money you make?Copy !req
96. You'd think enough
for a shirt, right?Copy !req
97. So I'm having this
housewarming thing tonight,Copy !req
98. and I'd love it
if you came by.Copy !req
99. Yeah, that
sounds great.Copy !req
100. Anything beats what goes on
at my house Friday nights.Copy !req
101. Hey, Lois, what's
going on here?Copy !req
102. Oh, it's my book club, Peter.Copy !req
103. Come join us.Copy !req
104. Oh, okay!Copy !req
105. All right, let's see,
new novel, new novel, new novel.Copy !req
106. What's it about?
What's it about?Copy !req
107. A guy...Copy !req
108. a guy who loses everything,Copy !req
109. but finds his soul
in Canada.Copy !req
110. All right,
we're cooking now.Copy !req
111. Cooking now.Copy !req
112. And the whole book
is an e-mailCopy !req
113. to his daughter,
who's dead.Copy !req
114. And his name
will be Norm Hull.Copy !req
115. Because he's just
a normal guy.Copy !req
116. But not everybody
will get that.Copy !req
117. That's just for the scholars
a hundred years from now.Copy !req
118. Okay, Rupert,
you ready to go for a drive?Copy !req
119. Oh, my God, Rupert,
this is such a thrill.Copy !req
120. Look at me, I'm driving!Copy !req
121. I'm driving a real car!Copy !req
122. I don't believe it!Copy !req
123. Well, I'd say we need
to put on some tunes.Copy !req
124. Hey, welcome back to
Weenie and The Butt on 97.1.Copy !req
125. Ooh, Weenie and The Butt.Copy !req
126. Just like the grown-ups
listen to.Copy !req
127. And that was "Baby" by Justin
Bieber featuring Ludacris,Copy !req
128. which means it's time to give
away some Justin Bieber tickets.Copy !req
129. Oh, that's right, Butt.Copy !req
130. Our fifth caller
will ween those tickets.Copy !req
131. Hey, you know what, Rupert?Copy !req
132. You know what I should do,
just, like, as a goof?Copy !req
133. I should try to win those Justin
Bieber tickets just so I can,Copy !req
134. like, tear them up or use them
to go to the concert.Copy !req
135. Oh, it's ringing, Rupert,
it's ringing.Copy !req
136. I'm too nervous;
they're celebrities.Copy !req
137. You talk to them.Copy !req
138. Oh, God.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
139. I'm in so
much trouble.Copy !req
140. Congratulations,
you're caller number five.Copy !req
141. You're going to see
Justin Bieber!Copy !req
142. Oh, sweet Jesus!Copy !req
143. Yes! Jesse, I won!Copy !req
144. Never say never!Copy !req
145. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.Copy !req
146. Oh, my God, Brian's gonna be
so mad at me.Copy !req
147. What am I gonna do?
Okay, it's all right.Copy !req
148. I'll just get a little bit of
paint and cover up the dents.Copy !req
149. Unattractive women
do it all the time.Copy !req
150. You look pretty
today, Carol.Copy !req
151. Thanks.Copy !req
152. It's probably just
the dress and the makeup.Copy !req
153. Ah, now that
I look closer,Copy !req
154. yeah, I think that's
what it is, too.Copy !req
155. Hey, you made it!Copy !req
156. And you brought
a friend.Copy !req
157. Great.Copy !req
158. I'm his wife, Lois.Copy !req
159. We actually met the other day.Copy !req
160. Oh, sorry,
I-I meet so many people.Copy !req
161. But there's really no way
you could know that.Copy !req
162. Yeah, she's a housewife,
she don't know.Copy !req
163. Whatever.Copy !req
164. You got booze
in here?Copy !req
165. Is it me, or did she
just make that weird?Copy !req
166. Please. It was
definitely not you.Copy !req
167. Hey, is this
shirt too tight?Copy !req
168. I'm feeling really
self-conscious.Copy !req
169. No, not at all.Copy !req
170. So it-it looks
good like this?
Yeah, it looks good.Copy !req
171. Thanks.Copy !req
172. Now I don't know
what to say.Copy !req
173. Hey, I got, I got, like,Copy !req
174. an insider Hollywood
question for you.Copy !req
175. Is, um, is "L.A."
short for something?Copy !req
176. Ha! You're a riot.Copy !req
177. Hey, hey, so what's
all this about,Copy !req
178. everyone in Quahog
likes to tickle fight?Copy !req
179. What is that?Copy !req
180. What? I never heard that.Copy !req
181. Yeah, apparently
it's, like, a thing.Copy !req
182. It is?
Yeah.Copy !req
183. I mean, they also said
that people who pretendCopy !req
184. not to have heard
of it are chicken.Copy !req
185. Well, I ain't no chicken.Copy !req
186. One-nothing!Copy !req
187. No, two-nothing!Copy !req
188. Three-nothing!Copy !req
189. Fight over!
Fight over!Copy !req
190. Wow, you got a lot
of catching up to do,Copy !req
191. and tomorrow night
in the dark, huh?Copy !req
192. In the dark?Copy !req
193. Yeah, if you say so.Copy !req
194. Just don't tickle me
in my lower abdomen.Copy !req
195. I'm super
ticklish there.Copy !req
196. Lower abdomen.Copy !req
197. You're gonna wish
you never said that.Copy !req
198. This might be
totally off the wall,Copy !req
199. but are you doing
anything Thursday night?Copy !req
200. You probably have
plans, anyway.Copy !req
201. You know what...Copy !req
202. Forget it, forget
it, forget it.Copy !req
203. Blah. Nervous.Copy !req
204. You know, Ryan,
most people take one look at meCopy !req
205. and just assume that I have
plans, so I never get asked out.Copy !req
206. But I-I frequently
don't have plans, so yes,Copy !req
207. I would love to do something
with you on Thursday night.Copy !req
208. Yes! Oh, my God, right now
would be the worst timeCopy !req
209. for you to tickle
my lower abdomen,Copy !req
210. because it's so exposed
'cause I'm cheering.Copy !req
211. Yeah, Thursday night!Copy !req
212. Aw, your big mouth
just got you in trouble.Copy !req
213. Aw, I lose.Copy !req
214. Peter one, you zero.
Oh, I lose again.Copy !req
215. Peter two, you zero.
You've been practicing.Copy !req
216. We now return to the end of
a depressing 1970s sci-fi movieCopy !req
217. starring a guy in a turtleneck.Copy !req
218. We've gone far enough.Copy !req
219. I think we're safe from
The Corporation here.Copy !req
220. Adzin, look!Copy !req
221. It can't be.Copy !req
222. No!Copy !req
223. We'll never defeat
The Corporation!Copy !req
224. They've won!Copy !req
225. There is one way, Adzin.Copy !req
226. You can shoot yourself.Copy !req
227. If it's the only
way, I must.Copy !req
228. What the hell?Copy !req
229. Stewie, get out here!Copy !req
230. Look at this.Copy !req
231. Do you know anything
about this?Copy !req
232. A-About what?Copy !req
233. About what
a beautiful day it...Copy !req
234. Oh, my God,
that is surprising.Copy !req
235. Oh, I had to stop that
last sentence in the middleCopy !req
236. because I was so surprised.Copy !req
237. What happened?
Gee, I don't know.Copy !req
238. Do you know
what happened?Copy !req
239. I'm sorry, w-what was that?Copy !req
240. I-I was laughing
at that funny thingCopy !req
241. you said at dinner
the other night.Copy !req
242. What funny thing?Copy !req
243. Um, y-you remember
what you saidCopy !req
244. about Lois's, um,
"potatoes au rotten"?Copy !req
245. Huh. Didn't think
anybody heard that.Copy !req
246. Wish you'd laughed
at the time.Copy !req
247. W-What the hell
happened to my car?Copy !req
248. Well, I don't know, man,
but the good news is,Copy !req
249. it-it doesn't look
all that bad, Brian.Copy !req
250. It's just,
it's that spot right thereCopy !req
251. that's upsetting you, right?Copy !req
252. Stewie, I know it was you.Copy !req
253. Your potato joke
was terrible.Copy !req
254. I can't believe
you drove my car!Copy !req
255. You could have
gotten yourself killed!Copy !req
256. I'm gonna have to tell
Peter and Lois.Copy !req
257. No! No, you can't tell them!Copy !req
258. I'll be in so much trouble!Copy !req
259. Stewie, I have to.Copy !req
260. All right,
I have covered for youCopy !req
261. plenty of times before,
but not this time.Copy !req
262. This is very dangerous,Copy !req
263. and I have to make sure
you never do it again.Copy !req
264. I won't, I swear!Copy !req
265. Stewie, calm down.Copy !req
266. Sometimes in life you just have
to accept what's coming to you.Copy !req
267. Like the contestant
who gets the lesser showcaseCopy !req
268. on The Price is Right.Copy !req
269. Lindsay, your showcaseCopy !req
270. is all about relaxation.Copy !req
271. And what better place to relax
than in your brand-new hammock?Copy !req
272. This sturdy and portable hammock
from Swingway turns any patioCopy !req
273. into a tropical paradise.Copy !req
274. And you can entertain yourself
on your patioCopy !req
275. by drawing with chalk!Copy !req
276. Yes, Pratt and Millwood
eight-color pastel chalkCopy !req
277. will turn your patio
into a tropical art studio.Copy !req
278. But you'll have
to pack your chalkCopy !req
279. because you're going
to be stayingCopy !req
280. six days and seven nightsCopy !req
281. at your parents' house
in Wilmington, Delaware!Copy !req
282. I moved my abortion for this.Copy !req
283. Um, hey, thanks for taking
me out to dinner, Ryan,Copy !req
284. but I got to say, this
food looks a little weird.Copy !req
285. Aw, Peter, Moroccan food
is the jizz.Copy !req
286. I don't know. Looks like it
might give me the kind of fartsCopy !req
287. I get from eating
Mexican food.Copy !req
288. Con cuidado
es el stinko!Copy !req
289. Hey, do these pants
look all right?Copy !req
290. Sometimes I put them on, and
I'm thinking I look all balls.Copy !req
291. No, I think you're good.Copy !req
292. You think my balls are good?Copy !req
293. You're so weird.Copy !req
294. It's awesome, though.Copy !req
295. Oh, I... I don't know.Copy !req
296. Hey, have you noticedCopy !req
297. what a jerk the mailman is
in this town?Copy !req
298. Like, he said
there is no wayCopy !req
299. Peter Griffin
could crush a baby birdCopy !req
300. with his bare foot
while I watched.Copy !req
301. That guy talks
more crap about me.Copy !req
302. Mmm! Oh!Copy !req
303. Mmm. You got to taste
this lamb tagine.Copy !req
304. Mmm. Here.Copy !req
305. No, that... no,
that's okay.Copy !req
306. Come on, you'll love it.Copy !req
307. Eh...Copy !req
308. Just a taste.Copy !req
309. That was... intense.Copy !req
310. What you just did.Copy !req
311. Lots of...Copy !req
312. Lots of flavors.Copy !req
313. Whoops.Copy !req
314. Whoa, freeze frame!Copy !req
315. What's gonna happen next?Copy !req
316. I think I got to
go to the bathroom.Copy !req
317. What am I gonna do?Copy !req
318. I'm gonna be in so much troubleCopy !req
319. when they find out
I wrecked Brian's car!Copy !req
320. They'll probably ship me off
to Siberia.Copy !req
321. This sucks.
I hate it here.Copy !req
322. Shut up.Copy !req
323. Drink wolf milk and
watch Russian cartoons.Copy !req
324. We now return to popular Russian
cartoon, Shoe and Shoelace.Copy !req
325. Shoe and Shoelace!Copy !req
326. One is meaningless
without the other!Copy !req
327. Well, that's it.Copy !req
328. I have no choice.Copy !req
329. I've got to run away.Copy !req
330. Guess I'm on my own now, Rupert.Copy !req
331. It could be worse, though.Copy !req
332. At least I'm not getting stabbedCopy !req
333. by some random guy
on the street.Copy !req
334. See? It's the exact opposite.Copy !req
335. Oh! It happened anyway!Copy !req
336. Hey, Stewie, you up?Copy !req
337. What the...Copy !req
338. Brian, I've decided to run away.Copy !req
339. Don't come looking for me.Copy !req
340. And definitely don't chase me
to the airportCopy !req
341. and catch me at the gateCopy !req
342. just before I'm about
to get on the planeCopy !req
343. with, like, an emotional speech
and possibly flowers.Copy !req
344. For example, it would be awfulCopy !req
345. if all the TSA people were
gathered around,Copy !req
346. watching this emotional moment,Copy !req
347. even the older black female
carry-on scannerCopy !req
348. who initially stopped you
at the baggage check,Copy !req
349. but who after you told her
of your intentions, said,Copy !req
350. "Go get him, child,"
in flagrant disregardCopy !req
351. of all newly-implemented
post-9-11 security measures.Copy !req
352. And if you were considering
bringing a boom boxCopy !req
353. to play music, I would suggest
any one of these six songs.Copy !req
354. So again, ran away.Copy !req
355. Don't come after me.Copy !req
356. Dirty whores, all of you.Copy !req
357. Oh, hey, Peter.Copy !req
358. Lois, we got a problem.Copy !req
359. I think Ryan Reynolds
is in love with me.Copy !req
360. What? Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
361. It's true. Last night we were
at this restaurant,Copy !req
362. and he tried to gay kiss me.Copy !req
363. I'm telling you,
he wants to get with me.Copy !req
364. Peter, come on.Copy !req
365. Why would any man dress well,
groom himself and lift weightsCopy !req
366. just to sleep with other men?Copy !req
367. He's not gay.Copy !req
368. Well, I don't care what you say.
He likes me.Copy !req
369. And we do have chemistry,
I-I won't deny that.Copy !req
370. I-I... I will take
responsibilityCopy !req
371. for my part in this.Copy !req
372. I'm just gonna go over there
and let him down easy.Copy !req
373. Oh, Snooki died.Copy !req
374. Last stop.Copy !req
375. What? This isn't the airport.Copy !req
376. Oh, my God, Rupert!Copy !req
377. We've got to get out of here!Copy !req
378. Aah! Damn it!Copy !req
379. Oh, no, no.Copy !req
380. Baby fall down!Copy !req
381. Is that...? Is that Consuela?Copy !req
382. Baby all alone
in street.Copy !req
383. I take baby home.Copy !req
384. It's me. Stewie.
Don't you remember?Copy !req
385. You used to clean for us.Copy !req
386. We used to make you use the
bathroom at the gas station.Copy !req
387. Hey, you!Copy !req
388. Uh, hey, Ryan.Copy !req
389. Uh, bad time?Copy !req
390. Um, perfect time.Copy !req
391. Come on in.
I was just oiling my legs.Copy !req
392. So, hey, what's
on for tonight?Copy !req
393. You know, my dentist
leaves his office unlocked.Copy !req
394. I was thinking we
could do some nitrousCopy !req
395. and then have
dinner in there.Copy !req
396. Look, Ryan, you're a great guy
and everything,Copy !req
397. but I don't like you
in that way.Copy !req
398. I mean, there are some things
that I would do with you,Copy !req
399. but my heart wouldn't be in it.Copy !req
400. What are you talking about?Copy !req
401. That you like me,
and you want to be my boyfriend.Copy !req
402. You think I'm gay?Copy !req
403. Where did you get that?Copy !req
404. Uh, uh, you-you tried
to kiss me.Copy !req
405. Peter, I'm not gay.Copy !req
406. What the hell's
the matter with you?Copy !req
407. Look, look, look, let me...
let me put it to you this way.Copy !req
408. I'm attracted to you in the wayCopy !req
409. that a man is attracted
to a woman, but I'm not gay.Copy !req
410. When you live out in
Hollywood, you learnCopy !req
411. that life is about different
spirits and energiesCopy !req
412. you meet along the way.Copy !req
413. I just thought maybe our spirits
could intertwine, you know?Copy !req
414. Our energies could merge.Copy !req
415. Like my spirit could go
up inside your energy.Copy !req
416. I-I have so much to learn
about show business.Copy !req
417. But you know what?Copy !req
418. I could never really be
attracted to somebodyCopy !req
419. who uses labels like
"gay" and "straight."Copy !req
420. Maybe you
should just go.Copy !req
421. Well-Well, now,
wait a second.Copy !req
422. What do you mean?Copy !req
423. This isn't working.Copy !req
424. It was a nice thought,Copy !req
425. but I think we should
go our separate ways.Copy !req
426. No, Ryan. I get it now.Copy !req
427. I can be what you want.Copy !req
428. We could...
Peter.Copy !req
429. Don't embarrass yourself.Copy !req
430. You need to just
let this go.Copy !req
431. Tickle fight!
Tickle fight!
No, Peter, no!Copy !req
432. Tickle fight! Tickle
fight! Tickle fight...
Peter, no! No!Copy !req
433. Oh, my God...Copy !req
434. It's time for
you to leave.Copy !req
435. I can change.Copy !req
436. I can change.Copy !req
437. I'm sorry, Peter.
We're done.Copy !req
438. We can never talk again.Copy !req
439. Here's a cell phone
so we can always talk.Copy !req
440. Don't you guys
have any tub toys?Copy !req
441. Here. Is rattle.Copy !req
442. This is prescription
medication.Copy !req
443. And it's not even
your name on the label.Copy !req
444. What... What is this?Copy !req
445. What's in this tub?Copy !req
446. Is jicama.
Jicama?Copy !req
447. And what is...?
What...? What...?Copy !req
448. This is a chicken leg.Copy !req
449. Are you also making soup?Copy !req
450. For quinceaГ±era.Copy !req
451. Big party. Many peoples.Copy !req
452. Oh, my God.Copy !req
453. Hay un perro aqui.Copy !req
454. ВїDoggy es aqui?Copy !req
455. I bet even you guys
don't watch George Lopez.Copy !req
456. Consuela?Copy !req
457. Hey, it's Brian.Copy !req
458. I'm-I'm looking for Stewie.Copy !req
459. No, no baby aqui.Copy !req
460. I peed in your soup.Copy !req
461. Happy 15th birthday.Copy !req
462. Which, by the way,Copy !req
463. is not a special occasion
in the normal world.Copy !req
464. Stewie, I've been
worried sick.Copy !req
465. What the hell
are you doing here?Copy !req
466. Brian? How did you find me?Copy !req
467. I used my nose,
which I always forget about.Copy !req
468. Come on, let's go.Copy !req
469. No, I'm not going
back! I can't!Copy !req
470. They're gonna
be mad at me!Copy !req
471. I didn't tell anyone.Copy !req
472. You... you didn't?Copy !req
473. No, I didn't.Copy !req
474. Look, I thought about it,
and to be honest,Copy !req
475. it's probably my fault for
leaving you alone in the car.Copy !req
476. And if you promise never to do
it again, I won't say anything.Copy !req
477. Okay, I promise.Copy !req
478. My baby!
What?Copy !req
479. I say, let go of me.Copy !req
480. Consuela,
we're leaving.Copy !req
481. My baby!Copy !req
482. Hey, she says
it's her baby, man.Copy !req
483. Now, get out of here.Copy !req
484. Is my baby. Ernesto.Copy !req
485. No, I'm not...
I'm not Ernest...Copy !req
486. Okay, this is so messed up
right now.Copy !req
487. I did not want
to have to do that.Copy !req
488. They were very nice
to me up until then.Copy !req
489. Peter, stop staring
out the window.Copy !req
490. Ryan's gone.Copy !req
491. He finished his movie,
he's moved out.Copy !req
492. How could I have been so blind?Copy !req
493. How could I not have seen
what he offered?Copy !req
494. I think the whole
thing was very strange.Copy !req
495. He thought
you were strange!Copy !req
496. How about that?
Whatever.Copy !req
497. I just can't help but wonder...Copy !req
498. will I ever see him again?Copy !req