1. Hello, I'm Brian Griffin.
And I'm Stewie Griffin.Copy !req
2. A few years ago, we did an
episode called "Viewer Mail"Copy !req
3. where you, our fans,
wrote in and suggested ideasCopy !req
4. for new episodes.Copy !req
5. Well, it's ten years later, but
you're still sending in ideas.Copy !req
6. Uh, to Rashad in Little Rock,
we wanna let you knowCopy !req
7. we kicked around your idea,
"Make the Baby Go Wild"
for a while,Copy !req
8. couldn't really find
an angle on it.Copy !req
9. Here's one from
Lee Mills of Iowa.Copy !req
10. Lee writes: "Dear
Family Guy, was your
show based on anything?"Copy !req
11. That's a great question, Lee.Copy !req
12. In fact, Family Guy is based
on an American television seriesCopy !req
13. called The Simpsons.Copy !req
14. Actually, Family Guy,
much like The Office,Copy !req
15. is based on a British series
called Chap of the Manor.Copy !req
16. Let's watch.Copy !req
17. We now return to Britain'sCopy !req
18. most popular game show...Copy !req
19. Wheel... of... Politeness!Copy !req
20. Do go ahead, then.
Oh, no, you first.Copy !req
21. Wouldn't dream of it.
Too kind, really, I insist.Copy !req
22. Wouldn't be proper of me.
I appreciate your courtesy.Copy !req
23. Likewise.
Well, we're
all out of time.Copy !req
24. Join us same time tomorrowCopy !req
25. if it's not entirely
inconvenient for you.Copy !req
26. If so, of course,
we do understandCopy !req
27. and we do apologize in advance.Copy !req
28. This has all been an imposition.
I'm so dreadfully sorry.Copy !req
29. Sorry!
Sorry.
Sorry.Copy !req
30. Sorry, everyone!Copy !req
31. All right, kids, enough telly.Copy !req
32. I hope everyone's peckish
for some boiled lamb shank.Copy !req
33. None for me, Lydia.Copy !req
34. I'm meeting me mates
down at the pub.Copy !req
35. Again? But Neville,
you spend all your timeCopy !req
36. down at the Fox and Pig
and Dog and Wolf and CatCopy !req
37. and Fiddle and
Whistle and Cock.Copy !req
38. And that's where
you're wrong.Copy !req
39. The Fox and Pig and Dog
and Wolf and CatCopy !req
40. and Fiddle and Whistle and Cock
is for tossers.Copy !req
41. We're meetin' at the Dog and Cat
and Bull and WhistleCopy !req
42. and Fiddle and Cock
and Pig and Wolf and CarriageCopy !req
43. and Fife and Other Wolf!Copy !req
44. But I need you to stay and have
a chat with Collingsworth.Copy !req
45. I found him with another fag
in his mouth this morning.Copy !req
46. Oh, is that right?Copy !req
47. So you fancy fags, do you?Copy !req
48. Well, here.
Have a whole carton of fags!Copy !req
49. I just want a comely lass
to look upon me with favour.Copy !req
50. I look on you with favour.Copy !req
51. I look on all of you
with favour.Copy !req
52. Shut up, British Meg.Copy !req
53. Look at Lydia.Copy !req
54. What a two-bit Wichita whore.Copy !req
55. One of these days,
she's gonna wake up killt.Copy !req
56. Ah, matricide.Copy !req
57. Yet another of
your childhood whims.Copy !req
58. No, it ain't. I'm gonna follow
through with...Copy !req
59. Wait, why'd you say it
like that?Copy !req
60. Cutaway, sir?Copy !req
61. Yes, that's good then.Copy !req
62. Friends, family,
and characters randomCopy !req
63. To bring you joy
and laughter in tandemCopy !req
64. To divert and dazzle
is our intentionCopy !req
65. So sit back, relax,
and enjoy our invention.Copy !req
66. Ah, I love summer.Copy !req
67. Good evening, Billingsbury.
I'm Clive Crowley.Copy !req
68. Coming up: a man with a gun
and two bulletsCopy !req
69. has taken over the city
of Manchester.Copy !req
70. But first, our top story
Her Majesty, the Queen,Copy !req
71. will be passing through
our very town tomorrow.Copy !req
72. With details, we now go liveCopy !req
73. to Indian reporter,
Tricia Dasgupta.Copy !req
74. Oh, my golly,
there is much commotion.Copy !req
75. Thank you, Tricia.
After the interval,Copy !req
76. find out which 12 football teams
tied tonight.Copy !req
77. The Queen's comin'
to Billingsbury?Copy !req
78. That's bloody sweet!Copy !req
79. You know, I'm actually a
relation of the royal family.Copy !req
80. You most certainly are not.Copy !req
81. Where would you
get that idea?Copy !req
82. Me mum used to claim
she was a Windsor.Copy !req
83. And I always heard my Nana talk
about how she took a duke.Copy !req
84. Must've been a difficult
marriage, too,Copy !req
85. 'cause every afternoon
she'd be belly-achin'Copy !req
86. about her bloody duke.Copy !req
87. I think you just had
a gross grandmother.Copy !req
88. No, I'm quite sure of it.
And to prove it,Copy !req
89. I'm gonna nick
one of the Queen's hairsCopy !req
90. during her visit tomorrow.Copy !req
91. And when the DNA proves a match,
you'll see I'm royalty.Copy !req
92. The Queen, eh?Copy !req
93. I'd like to mash my banger
in her blood pudding.Copy !req
94. Googity. Googity. Glop.Copy !req
95. Hello, lads.
Oh, hello, Seamus.Copy !req
96. Right fine performance
at the cricket match today.Copy !req
97. Aye. I was spirited to have you
down there watching me.Copy !req
98. P.A.
Well, it's a brilliant dayCopy !req
99. for a long and
confusing game of cricket.Copy !req
100. The field is teeming
with men in helmetsCopy !req
101. who don't seem like
they need helmets,Copy !req
102. and men not in helmetsCopy !req
103. who seem like they probably
should be wearing helmets.Copy !req
104. Oh, he's batted it
clear out of the stadium.Copy !req
105. Is that good? We don't know,
but it's what we do!Copy !req
106. Y-Yay!Copy !req
107. Boo!
Boo!Copy !req
108. Boo!Copy !req
109. Oh my goodness, the Queen is
going to be here presently.Copy !req
110. This is oh-so-exciting!Copy !req
111. My favorite part
before the Queen arrivesCopy !req
112. is yelling "wanker"
at Prince Charles as he passes.Copy !req
113. Wanker!
Wanker!Copy !req
114. I know, I know.Copy !req
115. Wanker!
Wanker!Copy !req
116. Yes, I know. Yes.Copy !req
117. Wanker!
You're a wanker!Copy !req
118. Wanker!
Right, quite right.Copy !req
119. Spot on. He's got it.Copy !req
120. I say, a lot of people have
turned out to see the Queen.Copy !req
121. Should make for a grand day.Copy !req
122. Hey, watch it there!Copy !req
123. Good show, old chap.
Well played.Copy !req
124. Here she comes!Copy !req
125. Very well.
Time for action.Copy !req
126. A lock of the Queen's hair
shall soon be mine.Copy !req
127. Here she comes.
Have at it then.Copy !req
128. Crikey! This is a haircut
fit for a queen!Copy !req
129. Oh, bloody hell!Copy !req
130. All right, time for Plan B.
Let's go!Copy !req
131. I'm not going any lower.Copy !req
132. Well, Father,
you gave it a good go.Copy !req
133. Oh, we're not done yet.
Come on!Copy !req
134. Queen! Queen! Give me
some of your hair!Copy !req
135. Come on, Queen!
Don't be a bitch!Copy !req
136. Get us away
from that lunatic!Copy !req
137. She's heading into that tunnel!Copy !req
138. Dear God! The Queen's dead!Copy !req
139. All right, Collingsworth,
I got a hair.Copy !req
140. Now, just walk away casual-like
and we're in the clear.Copy !req
141. Oh, no!
Here come the coppers!Copy !req
142. Bugger.Copy !req
143. Bugger.Copy !req
144. Bugger.Copy !req
145. Well, it turns out
I'm not royalty.Copy !req
146. Shame about the Queen, though.Copy !req
147. Yeah, I reckon
she's with Jesus Christ
in heaven now.Copy !req
148. Well, I'm just happy our
family is safe and soundCopy !req
149. back in our cozy row house.Copy !req
150. Row house.Copy !req
151. We now returnCopy !req
152. to The Comedy Central Roast
of Robin Williams.Copy !req
153. Aw, man, Robin Williams
is my favorite!Copy !req
154. He must be getting recognizedCopy !req
155. for all his contributions
to show business.Copy !req
156. I don't think
that's what a roast is.Copy !req
157. Robin, as a comic, it's an honor
to be up here roasting you.Copy !req
158. As a moviegoer, I want
to punch you in the face.Copy !req
159. Oh, that's funny.
Advocate violence.Copy !req
160. And let's face it, Mork.Copy !req
161. You're getting Nanu-Na-old!Copy !req
162. Stop it! You stop it!Copy !req
163. Robin Williams has a manic gift
that gladdens a sad worldCopy !req
164. and all he asks in return
is our unceasing attention!Copy !req
165. How can you allow this?Copy !req
166. Robin Williams has given us
nothing but joy!Copy !req
167. I wish everyone
was Robin Williams!Copy !req
168. Boy, that looks enticing.Copy !req
169. Yeah, this is nice.Copy !req
170. Oh, my God.
What happened?Copy !req
171. You were in a coma, and then I
kissed you, and you woke up.Copy !req
172. Like two days later.Copy !req
173. Anyway, all your
numbers are normal.Copy !req
174. What numbers?
No idea.Copy !req
175. Well, congratulations.
You're gonna be just fine.Copy !req
176. Oh, my God!Copy !req
177. You're...
You're Robin Williams!Copy !req
178. Ding! Thank you for playing
"That's Obvious!"Copy !req
179. Tell him what he's won, Cletus!Copy !req
180. Money!
Ho-ho! Money.Copy !req
181. Or as the Republicans
call it,Copy !req
182. Mine!Copy !req
183. I hope this is covered
by your HMO.Copy !req
184. I was covered once by
an HMO in San Francisco.Copy !req
185. I Haight my Ashbury
in these jeans!Copy !req
186. Ding-ding, Rice-A-Roni!Copy !req
187. Ah! You got all those
references in there!Copy !req
188. Of course now everyone
can afford health careCopy !req
189. because of Obama.Copy !req
190. Yeah, you want a Band-Aid?Copy !req
191. No problem, turkey.
Come on down to Obama-Mart!Copy !req
192. The price is free,
but yo ass better vote for me.Copy !req
193. Ha! Political
with a twist.Copy !req
194. It's funny from the news!Copy !req
195. What's going on in here?
You gotta check this out!Copy !req
196. It's Robin Williams!Copy !req
197. Ho-ho! A nurse
is a nurse, of curse.Copy !req
198. Up yours, Wilbur.Copy !req
199. Oh, my God!Copy !req
200. Everyone I touch
turns into Robin Williams!Copy !req
201. Yess! Peter Sweet Cheeks
Griffin-uh!Copy !req
202. You have been given
the power from god-uh!Copy !req
203. Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!Copy !req
204. I will be so responsible
with this.Copy !req
205. Thanks, guys!Copy !req
206. Ho-ho!
Bye!Copy !req
207. See you, Peter!
Y'all come back now, y'hear?Copy !req
208. It's Patch Adams Robin.Copy !req
209. He cures stuff the fun way,
not the medicine way.Copy !req
210. So, somehow the lightning
gave your dadCopy !req
211. the power to turn anyone
I touch into Robin Williams.Copy !req
212. Peter, did Dr. Hartman say
how long this was gonna last?Copy !req
213. There is no more
Dr. Hartman, Lois.Copy !req
214. He's Robin Williams now.Copy !req
215. Bet you kids never thought
your dadCopy !req
216. would have superpowers, huh?Copy !req
217. Peter!
Ho-ho!
You pat my back, I pat yours,Copy !req
218. and Pat Robertson
pats Mr. Happy.Copy !req
219. Yayuss! Praise Jesus
with your Visa card!Copy !req
220. Max it out
on the Lord, people!Copy !req
221. Oh, boy!Copy !req
222. And that's the second
Southern preacher one.Copy !req
223. Look, Brian! Meg is
one of the sensitive,Copy !req
224. bearded Robin Williams
characters.Copy !req
225. Ha!Copy !req
226. You think that's
funny, chief?
Well, I...Copy !req
227. My wife is dead.Copy !req
228. Oh, I'm... I'm sorry.Copy !req
229. She's dead, chief.
Ho-ho! Dead.Copy !req
230. The Grateful Dead. Please
do not take the brown acid.Copy !req
231. It will turn you
into a Martian.Copy !req
232. Take me to your wiener.
Ho-ho!Copy !req
233. We're.Copy !req
234. I don't know, Peter.
This all seems kind of creepy.Copy !req
235. What do you mean?
This is great!Copy !req
236. Everyone's hilarious now!Copy !req
237. What do you think, Quagmire?Copy !req
238. What? I can't hear a thing
over this noise.
What?Copy !req
239. This is unbearable!Copy !req
240. I think I got just the thing
to cheer you up, Joe.Copy !req
241. I know I said I was a leg man,
but this is ridiculous. Ho!Copy !req
242. I feel like a testicle
on steroids.Copy !req
243. Honey, I shrunk my nuts!
Ho!
Ha!Copy !req
244. Ho-ho! I'm a
San Francisco pirate.Copy !req
245. I Haight my Ashbury
in these jeans!Copy !req
246. A lot of the material
is repeated.Copy !req
247. Mmm, Lois,Copy !req
248. your torso is
so broad and solid.Copy !req
249. Ah! You're not Lois!Copy !req
250. I can hear you!
I'm not deaf!Copy !req
251. I don't believe that's
real sign language!Copy !req
252. Brian, this is
a disaster!Copy !req
253. I turned everyone
into Robin Williams!Copy !req
254. You gotta help me!Copy !req
255. Yo-yo-yo! Peter G.Copy !req
256. What's happening,
dawg?Copy !req
257. Oh, Sideways Hat Robin.
Dear God, no!Copy !req
258. Run, Forrest, run!
Run, Forrest, run!Copy !req
259. All right, Rupert,
all we have to doCopy !req
260. is act like Robin Williams,Copy !req
261. and he'll think
we've already changed.Copy !req
262. Ho-ho! Scattered
stream of references!Copy !req
263. Lots of energy! One good one
for every ten! Ho-ho!Copy !req
264. Damn these hands!Copy !req
265. Mwah!Copy !req
266. Vell, I haven't been
to temple in a while!Copy !req
267. Ah!Copy !req
268. Ladies and gentleman,
The Doors!Copy !req
269. Ho-ho! Jogging!
Running on empty! Ho-ho!Copy !req
270. Run, Forrest, run!Copy !req
271. Ho-ho! Ho-ho! Ho-ho!Copy !req
272. Ho-ho! I'm a Mercedes!Copy !req
273. Und vere are your papers?Copy !req
274. Are you from
East or Vest Berlin?Copy !req
275. Vell, I'm from Vest Berlin,
pilgrim.Copy !req
276. Shut up!Copy !req
277. Ho-ho! Ho-ho!
Ho-ho! Ho-ho!Copy !req
278. Stop riffing!Copy !req
279. Jump, Forest, jump!Copy !req
280. Must be a leap
year, ho-ho!Copy !req
281. Time to lose
some weight, dearie?Copy !req
282. No... more... comedy.Copy !req
283. Guys, will you please
settle down?Copy !req
284. Can we, can we settle down,
please?Copy !req
285. Every... everyone.Copy !req
286. Everyone, can I have
your attention?Copy !req
287. Oh, Captains! My Captains!Copy !req
288. I have an announcement to make:Copy !req
289. You are all free!Copy !req
290. You have been fired
from the school.Copy !req
291. Vietnam is over.
The hospital is closing.Copy !req
292. Will Hunting is all better.Copy !req
293. It's not your fault.
It's not your fault.Copy !req
294. Shut up. Seriously, shut up.Copy !req
295. Please, you are done here.Copy !req
296. Go and spread your comedy
to all corners of this country.Copy !req
297. Wait, not you five.Copy !req
298. I'm gonna keep you for...
an experiment.Copy !req
299. Ho-ho! Eggs!Copy !req
300. Who came first, the chicken
or the porn star?Copy !req
301. Ho-ho!
The Porn Identity!Copy !req
302. Who am I? Oh, yeah!
The pizza man!Copy !req
303. Baka-chikka-bwow-bwow!
Ho-ho!
Ho-ho!Copy !req
304. Peter, can you pass
the coffee?Copy !req
305. Sure, Brian the dog.Copy !req
306. Anything for my family.Copy !req
307. I guess Disney wouldn't let us
do the Aladdin one.Copy !req
308. Stewie, rise and shine.Copy !req
309. Good morning, Stewie.Copy !req
310. you.Copy !req
311. You ready for the day, sweetie?Copy !req
312. Oh, someone needs
a diaper change.Copy !req
313. Are you proud
of yourself?Copy !req
314. That this
is what you do?Copy !req
315. Is this a dime?
Did you swallow a dime?Copy !req
316. Yeah, wipe it off
and put it back in your purse,Copy !req
317. you white trash hen.Copy !req
318. There we go.Copy !req
319. Who's my clean little boy?Copy !req
320. Ugh! Your roots
are ridiculous.Copy !req
321. I'm gonna grab
your hair 'causeCopy !req
322. I like grabbing stuff.Copy !req
323. Okay. Okay, Stewie, let go.Copy !req
324. Let, let go, Stewie.
Let go of Mommy's hair.Copy !req
325. When I grow up, I'm
never gonna call you.Copy !req
326. I'm gonna be busy
with my job and my family.Copy !req
327. You'll be nothing.Copy !req
328. Stewie, I want you
to have my ring.Copy !req
329. It's one of my most
important possessions,Copy !req
330. and I want you to have it.Copy !req
331. Okay, red flag.
Red flag, everybody!Copy !req
332. Hey, Stewie,
wanna go down the slide?Copy !req
333. Um...Copy !req
334. What's the matter?Copy !req
335. Ya never been down
the slide before?Copy !req
336. Yeah, like,
like a thousand times.Copy !req
337. Just done it so much
I'm bored with it, that's all.Copy !req
338. All right, I guess
we're doing this.Copy !req
339. Whoa.Copy !req
340. Come on down,
Stewie!Copy !req
341. This is crazy. This is crazy.
This is crazy.Copy !req
342. All right, you can do this,
Stewie. Here we go.Copy !req
343. Are you okay?Copy !req
344. Yeah, that wasn't so bad.Copy !req
345. You might wanna move.Copy !req
346. That farting Polish kid
is coming down the slide.Copy !req
347. Ah, Pavel!Copy !req
348. Hey, kid, come here.
I wanna seeCopy !req
349. if I can still smell
your mom's boobs on your mouth.Copy !req
350. Why don't you go hump
a pile of garbage?Copy !req
351. All right, here we go.
Classic.Copy !req
352. Uh-oh.Copy !req
353. Oh, God! Brian! Brian!Copy !req
354. Guess I'm going for a ride.Copy !req
355. Why are we stopping?Copy !req
356. Oh, come on.Copy !req
357. For God's sake, Brian.
It's just a squirrel.Copy !req
358. Yeah!Copy !req
359. Oh, God!Copy !req
360. He can't hurt you anymore.Copy !req
361. Hey there, little fella.Copy !req
362. We sure got a lovely day for it,
don't we?Copy !req
363. Stay away from
my brother's butt.Copy !req
364. Okay, Stewie, let's get
that little face washed off.Copy !req
365. Then you can play
with your bath toys, huh?Copy !req
366. No, I hate getting
my face washed!Copy !req
367. Oh, look!
It's just Mr. Frog!Copy !req
368. Hello, Mr. Frog...Copy !req
369. My God, how the hell
do I keep falling for that?Copy !req
370. Now you play with your toysCopy !req
371. and I'll go get you
a nice, fluffy towel.Copy !req
372. Stewart Griffin, explorer,
adventurer,Copy !req
373. skin-diving
international playboy.Copy !req
374. I'm swimming at night
'cause I'm a slutCopy !req
375. and now I'm paying
the price for it.Copy !req
376. Hey, Stewie!Copy !req
377. Wow, looks like you got
some cool bath toys in there.Copy !req
378. Is it okay if I join ya?Copy !req
379. No!Copy !req
380. Hey, is that
my froggie butt cloth?Copy !req
381. Okay, Stewie, bedtime's
in ten minutes.Copy !req
382. I'll be right back.Copy !req
383. Hmm. I think I have time
for a quickie.Copy !req
384. Excuse me, Mr. Cobain.Copy !req
385. Look, I know
you're depressed.Copy !req
386. Made some bad choices
with women,Copy !req
387. but there's another way.Copy !req
388. Haagen-Dazs,
lots of Haagen-Dazs.Copy !req
389. Well, let's see if it worked.Copy !req
390. Here we go.Copy !req
391. Ha! You're still alive,
you fat.Copy !req
392. Okay, Stewie, time for bed.Copy !req
393. You want Mommy to read you
a night-night story?Copy !req
394. Oh, how 'bout this one?Copy !req
395. "Good Night, Town
from Footloose"?Copy !req
396. Who is this book for?Copy !req
397. Hey, Lois.
I'm home from the Clam.Copy !req
398. You know what that means.Copy !req
399. You spent the last ten minutes
parked in front of the houseCopy !req
400. crying in your car?Copy !req
401. Not now, Peter.
I'm doing story time
with Stewie.Copy !req
402. Yeah, scram, Drinky.Copy !req
403. I got a story.Copy !req
404. It's about the little penis
that could.Copy !req
405. It thinks it can, it thinks...Copy !req
406. In fact, it's pretty sure
it can.Copy !req
407. It-It, it's gonna.Copy !req
408. Hey, am I gonna have
to handle this?Copy !req
409. Do you want me
to handle this?Copy !req
410. Peter, just go wait
in the bedroom.Copy !req
411. I'll be right there.Copy !req
412. Fine, but if I gotta pee first,
this night's gonna be ruined.Copy !req
413. Ruined.Copy !req
414. Good night, sweetie.
Mommy loves you.Copy !req
415. Huh?Copy !req
416. It's big, isn't it?Copy !req
417. Yes, Peter.
It's very big.Copy !req
418. Yeah, it's big.Copy !req
419. Oh, God, yes!Copy !req
420. Ah, yes...Copy !req
421. Ah, yeah.Copy !req
422. Oh, you're gonna use
that thing, good.
I love you so much.Copy !req